#santa clarita diet starters

[damnedrainbows]

“Touch me again and I’ll kick your cunt so far up your own throat that you’ll get pregnant while giving a blowjob~”

#this quote from santa clarita diet is so roo #(eve/roo) #(nsfw) #( open starter ) #(open)

[matbaynton]

tagged by @baynton thank you!! 💙

8 shows to get to know me better

1. BBC GHOSTS

copying nat here to say that this is also where the mat obsession started 😈 my friend hallie (who i will also be tagging to do this obviously) got me into it and i cannot thank them enough for giving me the brainrot! i've watched this show.... idk how many times now i'm constantly rewatching it but i still laugh (and/or cry) every time. don't think i needed to know how absolutely FERAL and UNHINGED and RABID i was capable of being, i swear i was normal before i saw thomas thorne. i WAS, and no one can disprove that so just believe me 🤡 he is my sopping wet babygirl pathetic chewtoy and i love him.... so much..... and i want to d*e on the button house property and become a ghost more than anything in the whole world. anyway this show is fantastic and it changed my life and there isn't a single bad main character!

2. STRANGER THINGS

not sure if it's because i watched this show the year it came out (and on the night before/night of my 18th birthday, so it ended up being the best birthday i've had in years which is. still true lmao) but it continues to hold such a special place in my heart, and i can't truly explain why. gonna be honest seeing that winona ryder was in it immediately made me want to watch (and i love joyce byers + jopper a normal amount) i'm also really into horror and gross shit and this show really delivers on that sometimes, it's fantastic 🫡

3. THE OWL HOUSE

i don't think i can talk about this show for too long without crying lmao, but for a silly starter: THERE IS SO MUCH GOD DAMN FUCKING PURPLE IN THIS SHOW IT IS VERY PLEASING TO MY EYEBALLS!!!!! i'm a huge blubbering baby when it comes to the found family trope and this show has that! not to mention the incredible lgbt+ rep that truly shocked me to my core. i've also never related to a fictional character more than luz noceda, it's almost unsettling. still haven't watched the finale because i'm in denial about it being over and fuck disney channel for cancelling it.

4. DOCTOR WHO

besides glee and pretty little liars (that i'm surprisingly not putting on this list for reasons) this was one of the first real tv shows i've gotten into. my friend and i stumbled upon it on netflix (back in the ancient times of the early 2010's) she wasn't into it AT ALL but when i went home i immediately started watching the rest of it. i love all of the doctors/companions/eras in so many different ways, and every time i rewatch this show it feels like home <3

5. YONDERLAND

99% of the characters in this show are complete dumbasses and i'm truly here for it,. also seeing mat as so many different freaky sexy characters fixed me made me worse. HOWEVER.... the felt puppets still strike fear into my heart, i've gotten somewhat used to it but i still want to scream and poop my pants whenever i see them.

6. COMMUNITY

as we've established i'm a fan of the found family trope (even the FUCKED UP PROBABLY MENTALLY BAD FOR EACH OTHER kind of found family) besides how funny this show is (and how much i love troy and abed AND WANT WHAT THEY HAVE MORE THAN ANYTHING) it was also the first time i interpreted autism portrayed in a somewhat better way than i had ever seen before on television (of course abed being autistic isn't technically canon, hence "interpreted") but i really appreciated it and the fact that he IS canonically the most mentally stable in the group is incredible and i love it. will NEVER forgive them for making a felt puppet episode though, it haunts my nightmares.

7. SANTA CLARITA DIET

drew barrymore plays a zombie milf and timothy olyphant plays her hot husband who helps her kill shitty people to eat. wtf else do i need to say? it's a masterpiece and i wake up every day hating netflix for cancelling it

8. TOO MANY SPIRITS

YEAH THIS IS A SHOW! I'M COUNTING IT AS A SHOW! i knew i was going to put at least one watcher show on this list because i love these idiots so dearly. i chose too many spirits because the amount of times i've almost (😐) pissed myself from laughter watching these morons get drunk and tell stupid stories is TOO MANY..... spirits! like the name of the show! too many! too many times 🤡 anyway

tagging (no pressure to do it!) @larryrickard @reysorigins @softdavidrose @karura @captainsjack @jugheadscrowns @bejeweledantihero @hannamarins

[cedarboots]

tagged by @chiropteracupola-- thank you!

last song: Rivers and Roads by The Head and the Heart, which is a summer song for me

currently watching: Santa Clarita Diet, a long tv adaptation of Tom Jones from the 70s

currently reading: Hornblower and the Atropos (okay i have not started it yet but i'll get around to it)

current obsession: making Wallet (i am trying to learn leatherworking and this is my starter project) and working on some writing

tagging @sailorpants, @gilliagandy, @ellynneversweet, @butch-of-the-sea, @mooseofthesea, and anyone else who wants to participate!

#tag game

[daddysbarrp]

A Muse for Christmas

I think I want to do a special holiday muse. Introducing Santa's son on his first year of duty, Henris Claus (it's a family name- he'll just go by Henry).

He likes stepdads, handsome babysitters, male nannies, groovy uncles, and Timothy Olyphant (both in Justified, Santa Clarita Diet, and that one Conan interview where he was definitely stoned).

He's vers and a little vain (he really doesn't want to gain Santa weight) but man can he rock the flannel and white trim.

I'll post a starter but before I post it to the rp boards or whatever - here's your shot to get him questions in the ask box (I know anon is off. He already knows who you are anyways- he's Santa in training- you'll be fine.)

[cenobitesurvivor]

‘ i don’t care why it happened. why do you? ’ (from kirsty!)

santa clarita diet sentence starters || @finalgrrrls

He's appalled, at first, at the callousness. Of course I want to know why! I need to know! But as he examines his own thoughts and motivations, so much of them are steeped in fear.

"Because if we don't know why it happened..." He swallows hard. "It can happen to anyone. At any time. And that's terrifying."

He shifts awkwardly, rubbing his neck and looking away as he considers how to explain it.

"I suppose asking 'why' is how I cope with fear." A helpless shrug. "Why did it happen to them? Why did it happen to us - or rather, why did we survive? I don't understand, maybe I never will. Maybe it doesn't matter."

#finalgrrrls #hfkjdhsfj there should be a support group

[pythiian]

Santa Clarita Diet Roleplay Sentence Starters: Season 2

The following starters are all taken from Season 2 of the Netflix television show Santa Clarita Diet. Change the pronouns, names, punctuation as it suits you. Feel free to shift the spelling to convey your character’s accent and dialect. Includes phrases good for plots involving zombies, murder, and other wholesome family content.

Content warning for: foul language, sex, murder, death, cannibalism, body horror, vomiting & other bodily functions. Definitely a NSFW meme.

Why should I help you when you don’t even treat me like a human being?

She has an intensity I love, but having to find human flesh for her to eat … that’s been hard.

We’re realtors so killing people and stuffing them into freezers doesn’t come naturally.

Are you sure it has to be Serbian bile to make the serum?

I feel like I’m blowing this!

And I know you’re worried I’m gonna go out there and kill somebody, but think about all the people I haven’t killed. Literally everyone in the world except three people.

There’s no way she can get out of those chains, right? Oh what am I doing? Nobody asks that and lives.

I got upset and trashed someone’s house.

Why do they tease us with such tiny amounts of juice? Who wins this game?!

We don’t fix anyone. We just put Band-aids on people and toss them back, alone, into a cold, cripplingly indifferent society.

God, what are you into?

Our kitchen looks like the inside of a shark.

Well, I admit it — it went on a little longer than necessary. And then ten minutes after that.

I took samples of her tar-blood-goo.

Huh, look at that. Not a drop of blood on my pepper mill.

If you saw it, you would not know how to process it.

Do you want the cookies?

I helped someone. Made me feel better about myself.

I wanted to make sure you weren’t overwhelmed.

Sometimes I do feel overwhelmed.

There’s just so much happening right now. And I don’t always know the right thing to do.

We all just do the best we can.

I know, I read your Yelp review.

Just … don’t give up on me.

I lost you once. That was enough.

Don’t eat me.

So, maybe we can hang out sometime.

Okay! You’re awake!

Anyway! I didn’t want you to wake up and find me gone and worry.

You were chasing rabbits?

You know what’s cool? I’m never surprised anymore.

I feel like channeling my bloodlust is key to preventing something like last night’s oopsie.

Look at me, I’m becoming a morning person.

I just think you should keep a low profile until we know what’s going on.

Don’t come at me with that weak tea.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

We get rid of one cop and now you bring another cop into our lives?

We can’t solve all our problems with murder.

Last night I saw you swallow a man’s tongue like an oyster.

Don’t you think it’s ridiculous for us to keep lying to each other?

Before you kill me, I do have one last request.

The only reason it’s spooky down here is because you’re down here. We could put you in a garden of lollipops and it would still be spooky.

I think at best, we’re in a moral grey area.

I would love nothing more than to have a date night with you.

I also haven’t written a restaurant review for Yelp in a long time, and my followers rely on me. Elite status is a privilege and a burden.

Let’s not make everyone’s problems our problems. People get ripped to pieces all the time.

We have a hummingbird feeder and we kill people. I’m just saying, you can’t always judge a person by their aviary accessories.

Wow, look at those bookshelves.

God, I respect a man who’s unafraid to embrace the past.

Are you okay? You seem a little hostile.

We talked about this, honey. We can’t keep murdering people impulsively.

Okay remember this isn’t a cure; it just arrests your symptoms.

We had some fun, but I’m kind of a loner.

I used to be high-strung and judgy like you. You need to relax.

We’ve got a lot on our plate. I don’t wanna be opening up a finishing school for the undead.

Is he a knight that fights the undead or is he an undead knight?

He’s little, so if he tries to run, I can catch him. Then I’ll do something small but memorable to his legs so he won’t try it again.

Gonna eat this bastard tits to teeth.

Killing people is hard. I used to think that was a good thing.

You’re not gonna pretend you’re a health inspector, are you?

We have to get everything incriminating out of the house.

It’s kind of ironic. The more care you put into a murder, the harsher society judges you.

‘I’m sorry, but —’ is not an apology.

Yeah, let’s get them out of here. Then go home and read up on moral relativism.

I’m an outstanding dancer.

I promise I’ll be the coward you want me to be.

I’m a vegan, not a monster.

Weird way of saying that, but okay.

I just wanna eat danish with you. Why can’t we eat danish together?

I love the hair, by the way. You look like an attainable Jessica Rabbit.

You’re stress-eating yourself!

I don’t want to stop living just because I’m undead!

No loose ends. I learned that from you. Mostly from your mistakes.

Yes, we’re not good at murder. I happen to think that’s a positive quality.

And what I find most upsetting is that you don’t seem to have any remorse.

As the great juggler Francisco Garibaldi once said, ‘when there’s fear in your heart and knives in the air, the wise juggler focuses on but a single blade.’

Whoa, buddy, there’s a lot to unpack there.

How would you like it if I put my foot so far up your perfect little ass that you won’t find it again until you shit it out on Christmas morning?

Well, we should check inside and see if I strung up anyone’s entrails like Christmas lights. I’ve been dreaming about that lately. I think I’m excited for the holidays.

So many people play it safe, but not you.

You know who else likes hiking and nature? Well-known monster, Bigfoot.

Just because one monster does those things doesn’t mean he gets to own them.

Yeah, well, spoiler alert: this does end with his torso in our freezer.

There’s always time to respect the differences that make us great.

We’ve been friends a long time. I know something’s been going on with you lately. Why don’t you tell me what it is?

Wow, you will never work in corporate PR.

It’s just that when it comes to being clandestine, spelling dirty words in alphabet soup is kind of the edge of my comfort zone.

So before this ends, I want to know that I was here, that I existed. I need to make a mark.

I really admire your commitment and steely resolve, but I just wish you didn’t have any of it.

He’s a homicide detective and we’re homicide enthusiasts — it’s not a good match.

I believe I serve God by bringing evildoers to justice.

I’m gonna throw up.

You’re not gonna shoot me.

I will shoot you.

Okay, you shot me. It’s your training. I’m not mad,

I died and then I came back to life.

So … you’ve risen from the dead? And you’re doing God’s work by ridding the world of evildoers? Is that what you’re saying?

This makes me a little uncomfortable.

#santa clarita diet rp #santa clarita diet ask meme #santa clarita diet starters #rp ask memes #rp sentence starters #little shorter than the last

[trashmemes]

SANTA CLARITA DIET SENTENCE STARTERS   —   quotes pulled from season two of the netflix series. contains some nsfw themes. feel free to make alterations.

juggling a lot of things is hard, especially if some of those things don’t want to be there.

you know what’s cool? i’m never surprised anymore.

our kitchen looks like the inside of a shark.

i had such a good day at the asylum.

don’t ever do that to me again.

focus more on you. what makes [name] happy?

it’s only money, and everyone with money says money is not important.

wow, if you take killing off the table, we really don’t have a lot of moves.

i don’t know, honey. we have a lot on our plate.

killing people is hard. i used to think that was a good thing.

if life has taught me anything, it’s that human emotion is all about fairness.

yeah, i’m not looking forward to hearing that at the trial.

i’m happy that you’re happy, but i’m not ready to hear any details.

i’ll kick your twat so far up your throat, you’ll get pregnant giving blowjobs.

why are we bringing the toaster oven?

did your bisexuality sneak up on you or did it burn inside you for a long time?

when you love someone, that doesn’t matter. because it’s not about what you give up, it’s about what you get.

i will literally throw up on you.

you took almost 40 minutes to get here when you thought i was gonna die?

when you bottle up your feelings, they come out in other ways.

it’s kind of ironic. the more care you put into a murder, the harsher society judges you.

it’s always the people you least expect that do the worst things.

i like not killing people. i’ve always liked it. i just forgot how much.

i’m panicking, so my lizard brain is making a lot of the decisions.

i lost you once. that was enough.

woah, buddy, that’s a lot to unpack there.

before this ends, i wanna know that i was here, that i existed. i need to make a mark.

don’t come at me with that weak tea.

should we kiss?

let’s stop with all the name-calling and the unsettling sexual revelations.

don’t give up on me.

nobody likes a backseat arsonist.

we are not good at murder. i have to believe that’s a positive quality!

#rp sentence starters #starter meme #rp meme #roleplay meme #source: television #television: santa clarita diet

[omenofstorms]

@ncsism basically made me watch santa clarita diet season 3 so now i have oreva feels 

like/message for a starter or plot about how very very shitty immortality is

#( starter call ) #plotting call #starter call #santa clarita diet #it's a GOOD SHOW #and goran was uncomfortably attractive in it which i did NOT like

[withalisp]

@variedmen   ♡ ‘d .

                                   ❝     it’s  said  that  if  someone  makes   eye  contact   with  you  for  60%  of  a  conversation  they’re    bored ,    80%  and  they’re    attracted    to  you  and  100%  of  the  time  then  they  are    threatening  you .    or    someone  is  staring  at  you  100%  of  the  time  because  they’re  trying  to    throw  you  off .     ❞            troublesome    smile    raises  the  corner  of  her  mouth ,    eyes  trailing  from  the  pages  in  her  lap  to  the  eyes  of  the  person  in  front  of  her .         ❝     i  always  thought  it  was  just  the    polite    thing  to  do .     ❞

#this can be for whoever u like darlin #<3 #i haven't seen desperate housewives in year S #love me some santa clarita diet \ oitnb !! #▸ ❀ ic . ╲ closed starter . #▸ ❀ verse . ╲ to be determined . #▸ ❀ verse . ╲ wiser now .

[onlydanciing-a]

oookay so! wade, domino, lee, and joel are technically open for business

i’ve only finished wade’s bio which... i did in the first person rifp

but! if you wanna rp w/ one of these nerds just im me or comment here or s/t and we can plot! bc im v hype about my kids

#; im here im queer sorry im late | ooc #starter call sorta? #wade and domino are deadpool muses #lee is from a quiet place #and joel is from santa clarita diet #im trying to seduce u all into interactions lmao

[starkxinxwinterfell-blog]

New Verse Added!

The Santa Clarita Diet:

Ned Stark lives a quiet life in Santa Clarita, California, as a local Alderman. When his wife, Catelyn, takes a trip home to take care of her ailing father, they hire someone to help Ned around the house in her absence. Meryll is a big help, but things go south quickly when Meryll becomes undead and gets a craving for human flesh. Of course, Ned tries to help her cover things up and keep her from getting caught, while also looking for a cure- if there is one. (mainly with @meryllfrey, but open to threads with others within this verse). Find other verses here.

#| verses | #| The Santa Clarita Diet | #| ooc: if you have not seen santa clarita diet yet what are you doing with your life | #| ooc: and i'm still working on sentence starters |

[trashmemes]

SANTA CLARITA DIET SENTENCE STARTERS   —   quotes pulled from season one of the netflix series. contains some nsfw themes. feel free to make alterations.

from now on, we fuck up everything together.

try not to swear at anybody.

he kept pushing me and pushing me, and i just snapped.

everyone i killed had it coming.

i really want to make this work.

act natural!

we say we came across this murder site and we’re just cleaning it up.

i’m not doing cocaine, [name]. i just have a feeling i would be unbearable.

she has nothing to do with this.

i just threw up. like a fair amount.

maybe i want to have fun, drive a fancy car, dance like a sex lunatic.

sometimes you do shit you never expected for the people you love.

this is just the sort of thing the internet will have a lot of misinformation about.

if we get caught, our lives together will be over, forever.

i feel like you’re batman and robin and i’m alfred.

why can’t we ever have one fucking easy day?

sometimes i went into the woods and yelled at birds. we didn’t have money for a therapist.

let’s all stop talking until I can think of what to say next.

we can’t start killing people. we’re getting life back to normal, and killing people isn’t normal, sweetheart.

right now, i wanna hump like a rescue dog at a rite aid.

just because something’s changed doesn’t mean it’s not still beautiful.

i just stuffed a man in a meat freezer. cross that off my bucket list.

i refuse to be defined by the one time i murdered somebody.

god, there’s so many ways to mess up your children.

sweetheart, we had sex in the bathroom at target ’cause their logo turned you on.

maybe i just don’t feel like following all the rules today, okay?

kanye says never apologize for your creative choices.

i don’t think i’m ever gonna like you.

excuse me, i gotta go lie to a cop.

i’m sorry, i was thinking about how handsome i am. what?

you know, i gotta say sometimes your pot-smoking bugs me.

#sentence starters #starter meme #rp meme #roleplay meme #source: television #television: santa clarita diet

[theivashkinator]

Santa Clarita Diet Sentence Starters

@queenofdarkestshadows​ said : “ You’re  dipping  things  into  a  chocolate  fountain  and  you  didn’t  call  me?”

       Adrian smirked into the phone as Rose sounded so indignant. He licked his fingers with a small hum of pleasure he was sure she could hear.  ❝ Hey, you’re the one who’s always complaining about the “boring” royal parties, little dhampir. ❞

#queenofdarkestshadows #ᴠ ❦ ᴛʙᴅ

[kafkaesqves-blog]

                                ❤ for a starter from ABBY HAMMOND (santa clarita diet)

#indie rp #abby hammond rp #santa clarita diet rp #open rp #starter call #STARTER CALL *

[bcttcmbcttle]

I have incredible muse for Joel while I'm rewatching Santa Clarita diet ( if you haven't watched it DO IT YOURE MISSING OUT ) so like for memes / starter from JOEL HAMMOND

#【 » oh oh oh hi there please don’t leave i have no friends ⇢ ooc « 】 #&mobilepost.

[altruii]

"You ever feel like your best just ain't enough?" ;; oop hello, love u ---

santa clarita diet starters--accepting!

Whatever ability Angela may have had to be wise or insightful was lost. Words halted on her tongue, vague sentiments refusing to weave themselves into anything she could use. This was not about her. This was not about her own shortcomings, her own failures, broken bodies she couldn’t knit back together or lives she could not wrest from their inevitable end. In this moment it was Jesse who required her undivided attention. Such a question was born in a moment of vulnerability, or uncertainty, and these, too, required tending.

“On occasion.”

Fleeting glance sought to read his expression. An unruly breeze ruffled her hair, bid restrained platinum to whip in unbecoming directions, fringe swept aside by an impatient hand. Freedom from generic military halls could perhaps offer some comfort, but it was not made to last. The night was far too cold. Still, she drew her arms tight around herself and did her best to ignore the insidious chill.

In this, too, her best was not quite enough.

“What’s on your mind?”

#i'll send you my consultation fee || answered #countrywestern tag tba #hi ily!!