#same way it took me 12 weeks to realize i broke my toe tbh

[justtogetthrough]

I spent FOUR GOD DAMN HOURS at a walk in clinic tonight to get my stitches out because my arm has not been healing well, I was worried they'd fall open like the other one did and didn't wanna deal with it, and the stitches are really tight and i wasn't sure I could maneuver scissors one handed and just... overall didn't wanna deal with it.

But where I'm from we don't have walk in clinics so I wasn't expecting to wait FOUR HOURS. The small town hospital would have been quicker than this city clinic. I was getting more and more distressed and was about to leave to come home and get really high and just rip them out of me because I'm so sick of how painful they are. Then the doctor called me in.

I took off my sweater and explained I usually just take these out myself but I'm not healing well, this other one with all the steristrips popped back open when I removed the stitches, and I'm also kinda concerned these ones are infected so wanted someone else to do it this time.

He took one look and was like holy shit yeah that's infected, I am absolutely not taking those stitches out right now with all that going on because you don't want open wounds with that much infection. You need to clear up the infection and probably leave the stitches in for 10-12 days in order to have a chance to finally heal. (I explained today is day 8 so they're due to come out, nevermind that I usually never leave them in past 4 or 5 days...)

So anyway it's so bad he not only gave me 10 days worth of antibiotics but also LITERAL NARCOTIC PAINKILLERS because of how nasty it looks. I didnt even ask for painkillers, he straight up offered. And I feel so vindicated because now I realize my arm has been infected for probably like 5 or 6 days and that I'm not being a baby with how severe and unbearable the pain has been. I told him I've been using a topical antibiotic with lidocaine to try to control the pain and asked why the antibiotic part didn't treat this and he was basically like, a topical ointment won't do shit for what you have going on unfortunately.

I went to the clinic for 5 pm when they opened so I took the dressing off around 3 to dry out the ointment and stuff so he could remove the stitches, and the 7 hours of not having antibiotic cream on it has really shown that that shit was merely holding the infection back, minimally, at best. In the 7 hours it's been uncovered my skin has become so swollen and blistered and it's actually so painful I can't turn the key in my car or even shift from park/drive/reverse or do anything with my arm that requires force or strength.

And I almost walked out of that clinic before being seen because I didn't bring any meds with me or anything to do and wasn't prepared for hours of waiting around sick people who were so god damn overstimulating and so I was on the brink of meltdown all night. My friend offered to come sit with me at 9 after class if I was still waiting and I told them if I'm not seen by 9 I'm going to decapitate myself in the god damn waiting room. And then suggested maybe they don't wanna be around me while I'm this distressed lol. Thankfully the doctor called me in 5 mins later.

My arm is fucking gnarly and I'm putting the lidocaine cream back on it because my arm is so puffy it looks like it's being suffocated by the stitches. I wonder if I have a hydrocortisone cream. I am so motherfuckimg distressed by this and a systemic infection probably explains why I've spent so much of the last 3 days sleeping (I fell asleep during a meeting today even, and have done almost zero work this week) and why my other wounds aren't healing and why my skin is blistering from medical tape and idk just a whole assortment of things that have been weird but not evidently something serious on their own.

At least now I know why this hurts so god damn much ;___;

The antibiotics are supposed to start helping by 24 hours so wish me luck.

This has been the worst 3 weeks of a loooong time and I'm fucking mad about everything.

#cw cutting #ive surprisingly never had a serious infection before #i cant believe it took me so long to be like hm maybe this needs medical attention #but i hate myself so much i just dont... look at myself? i dont acknowledge my body? #same way it took me 12 weeks to realize i broke my toe tbh #when my baseline is PAIN and self hatred and unexplainable symptoms. new symptoms dont make me go hmmm #i just got god fucking damn it. and then assimilate that into my daily lived experience #until i try to do something else and a doctors like GOOD GOD NO THIS OTHER THING IS VERY VERY WRONG #sigh #personal

[libra-stellium]

Visiting my Astrocartography Mars/MC line for a week

This is the description from astro.com which sounds like a great place to visit for me right now because I’m trying to either get promoted at my job or get a new job soon or both lol

For some reason people really hate their mars line???? All I kept seeing was people saying how horrible it was when they lived on it or visited it 😭😭 I was like damn I had great expectations! I only saw one short YT video saying how they love living on their mars line and have been more active physically and socially. I heard someone say that the second they got off the plane they were just angry lmao which is hilarious to me like you were just angry at nothing??? 🤣 and I also saw stuff about how aggressive men were and they hated it lol I don’t think the ones I saw said what their mars placement is and what aspects they have but honestly even if we had the same exact ones I think it may be about perspective and what you’re used to lol

I have my mars in Scorpio in 9H. I have Mars trine saturn in pisces and mars trine ascendant in pisces so no harsh aspects.

A general theme for this week was very mars like bc I did Knott’s Berry Farm, Disneyland and Universal and visited so lots of walking and action the entire week!

Sunday - literally at the plane doors when I landed in LA a male flight attendant pretend to grab my leftovers from my hands like “oh is that for me? Thank you so much!” 😂😂 I was like oh this is the aggressive men on the mars line! But I just joked back at him lol

Monday - I broke EIGHT nails!!!!! 😭😩 one was like 🙄 but by 4 I was telling my bestie “would you believe me if I told you another one is gone?” And she knew immediately that I was talking about my nails 🤣 none of them broke too far down so it wasn’t painful and I don’t think my mars line “made” then break lol I think they were weak and being held together by my nail polish so when I took it off bc it was chipped my nails were like “it’s time to let go” 😩 everyone was super nice so nothing else happened that day! I didn’t bring my work phone with me so who knows what was happening at work 🤷🏾‍♀️

Tuesday - i feel like there were some aggressive people throughout the day but not directed only at me lol bc it was the park workers at Disney just being like THIS IS A WALK WAY ONLY KEEP MOVING when we stopped to take pictures of the parade. I also found out that the shoes I wore the day before gave me a blister on the bottom of my toe which was so painful

Wednesday - I feel like this was the most mars line day tbh bc I got my period that morning and I did “surgery” on myself 😂 bc of where my blister was I had to pop it safely (TMI incoming) so I doordashed a first aid kit and a sewing kit and I sterilized the needle and drained the blister and it’s insane how the pain was gone right after that! Then I went to go visit the Observatory to see LA and the Hollywood sign and that was really cute but then a bee flew into my friend’s hair and she was freaking out and I’m allergic but I could see it so I had to do something so she didn’t get stung! I used my phone like a paddle and beat it out of her hair and it fell on the ledge in front of us and I pushed it off 😩 then we went to In-N-Out and some guy tried to take my order for his friend lol I was 7 and his friend was 12 and he was like oh I thought you said 12…..🙄 also on the day to the observatory I realized that I had a lot of requirements to fulfill before I could renew my bar license 💀 I deadass thought I just had to do the CLEs and pay but I have to find a mentor too?? 😩 so I was listening to the CLEs on the long car rides.

Thursday - Another Mars/MC day because I was listening to more CLEs during car rides and I looked up who I could email and ask to be my mentor! I was at universal that day and nothing major mars like happened lol and honestly idk why aggressive men was something that people emphasized bc they were all really nice to me 😂 even the Grinch! This girl did have an attitude towards me while we were watching a show bc we were standing there for 30 min and she shows up and tries to stand in front of me and I’m 4’11 and she was at least 5’5?? And she motioned for her bf to come stand in front of me too and he refused and told her to come back and she was brooding the rest of the show 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ After that our Lyft driver was so nice bc the app sent him to a different location than where the park told us to go get rides and he came and found us instead of canceling! 💕 and his car was so nice and smelled so good!

Friday - traveling day! Again dealing with really nice men 😂 bc I was in line for this place to get coffee and a pastry and the person skipped over me bc she couldn’t see me and the guy behind me was like “someone’s down here” 🤣🤣 and then later this other guy was just making small talk with me while we waited for our stuff lol but the cashier??? Who was a girl literally told me she wasn’t “spelling all that out” when I told her my name and spelled it out and she said I would have a nickname for the day 💀💀 my name is 5 letters long lmao she shortened it to 3? Like okay I guess?? 😂

Now I’m home and I checked my work phone and nothing happened while I was gone but today they sent an email congratulating the intern (who was there for 4 months and is still in law school) for accepting an attorney position in our office and I’ve been there for 2.5 years and it did make me feel some type of way bc 🤔🤔🤔 no one offered even after I got barred but they offered it to the person who hasn’t completed the degree yet and doesn’t have a bar license yet…?? I have been trying to get out so 😂 I’m not toooooo mad bc also that’s not the field of work I want to be doing long term but idk it’s the principle lol also I don’t remember which day but I saw something about the federal cost of living being increased for 2024 and I think fed govt employees get a pay increase bc of that?? I’m hoping that contractors like me do too!

Overall: Mars/MC line was a fun little time and productive trip! I feel like if you’re quick to anger I can see where you’d end up being really angry on your mars line but I just be looking at people in disbelief tryna figure out what possessed them to act like that towards me and then I just laugh and move on lol I didn’t like LA that much it was way too crowded for me omg but I’m not a fan of New York either and I feel like they’re similar 🤷🏾‍♀️ I would definitely go back and visit other parts of California tho!!

#astrology #astro #astro tumblr #learn astrology #astro community #astrocartography #mars mc line #pisces rising #libra stellium