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wildrangers · 4 months

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Say Don't Go // Ryan Lindgren

Word Count: 2.4K

Summary: Your situationship with Ryan devolves

{For my 1989 Vaults Track Challenge}

Warnings/tropes: unresolved angst, allusions to sex but no smut (like PG-13ish), cursing, cliffhanger

As your eyes slowly opened to the bright morning light filtering through your windows, you had a blissful moment of ignorance. Where you didn’t remember last night or the previous six months, or think of him at all. But when your phone vibrated on the night stand, your traitorous mind thought ‘Is it Ryan?’ and it all came rushing back.

I’ve known it from the very start

We’re a shot in the darkest dark

Oh no, oh no, I’m unarmed

To Ryan’s credit, he’d been honest from the beginning. When you met him at a bar and had immediately gotten lost in his blue eyes, he’d been up front that he couldn’t commit to anything serious. He was entering the last season of his contract and didn’t know what the next year would bring—all he could focus on was playing his best to maximize his next deal.

And that was fine for you, really. You’d been in a long-term relationship that had been fizzling out for some time before you’d pulled the plug a few months before, so the excitement of a fling was exactly what you’d wanted. You’d gone home with him that night and, even though you’d exchanged numbers earlier in the evening, you assumed that was that. But when he texted you the following weekend to come over, you figured what was the harm? You were both on the same page—it was simple.

The pattern repeated for the next few weekends, until one night, as you lounged in his bed before gathering the energy to head home, he spoke up.

“Would you want to come to this dinner at my friend’s house?” he questioned and you turned to face him, brow furrowed. “What’s the face for?” he chuckled.

“Last I checked, keeping it casual and meeting friends is a bad combination.”

“I mean, you don’t have to, I just…they keep busting my balls that I’m making up that I’m seeing someone” he replied, face turning pink.

And that sign of embarrassment, of vulnerability, had kept you from pushing further. Were you seeing each other? Why was he talking to his friends about you? Did inviting you along change things between you?

“Sure, I’ll go” you shrugged, placing a kiss to his cheek before rising from his bed. “They’re going to adore me though and then you’re done for.”

And they had. You had immediately begun teasing Ryan with Adam, clicked with Adam’s fiancée Sam, and enjoyed goofing around with the few other teammates there. You’d been surprised by how seamlessly they pulled you into the fold. Alexis had invited you out with them the next weekend and Sam had insisted you join them for brunch the day after. When Ryan had simply shrugged when you looked at him for approval, his blue eyes twinkling in amusement, you’d agreed to them both.

I’m standin’ on a tight rope, alone

I hold my breath a little bit longer

Months later, you were completely enmeshed in his life. You’d joined the group at bars to celebrate wins, partied with his friends, brunched with the significant others. You’d desperately wanted to revisit what you were to each other, what you were doing at this point. But you loved hanging out with him and his friends, bonding with the girls, and getting to see more and more of his world. You were afraid to upset the precarious balance you’d somehow found with him.

Tonight though, you were nervous. You’d joined Sam and other significant others at her house for a couple of games at this point but this was your first time going to the Garden.

“Don’t worry, the girls will meet you right inside the venue when I drop you off” Ryan offered, soothingly rubbing the back of your hand with a calloused thumb.

“I know, this just seems like a big deal, actually coming to a game” you hedged, gauging his reaction.

“You’ve wanted to though, right?”

“I mean, yeah I want to support you” you replied and watched as the corner of Ryan’s mouth turned up just before he lifted your hand to place a kiss to your palm.

“You’re the best” he said, the sincerity of his words making you ache.

Before you could respond, Ryan pulled over to the curb and placed a quick kiss to your lips. “Have a good game, Ry” you smiled, stealing another kiss before opening the car door.

“Are you down to go out later if it’s a good game?”

“Of course. Now, go before you’re late and have to do bag skates next practice” you teased, butterflies soaring in your stomach at his deep chuckle.

Several hours later, you were waiting with a few others girls down the tunnel following a Rangers win. Everyone had been so wonderful and welcoming, making sure you were comfortable and taken care of while you were in the suite. It made you feel like you could belong here, like these could be your people.

“There she is!” a familiar voice called, and you smiled as Sam ran to meet Adam halfway. Ryan came out seconds latere and you waited in place, unsure of what to do. Did you greet him with a kiss or keep it casual, since that’s apparently what you were to one another?

“Ryan Lindgren!” you heard a voice call from beside you and confusion flooded your system at the mischievous look in Vincent’s wife’s eyes.

“What?” he asked nervously, hand settling on your lower back.

“Why have you been hiding your lovely lady from all of us? She’s just the best! Much better company than your grumpy self—you’re lucky she puts up with you” she teased and Ryan threw his head back in laughter. You were taken aback, having just met the woman a few hours beforehand, but Ryan didn’t seem surprised by her outspokenness.

“Trust me, I know how lucky I am” he smiled, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into his side. “I just had to make sure she wouldn’t flee once she met you crazy lot.”

Everyone laughed, yourself included, as you turned your gaze to Ryan. He grinned down at you for a brief moment before placing a gentle kiss to your mouth, taking you by surprise. This was the first time he’d been physically affectionate with you while you were with his friends, beyond an arm around you or a hand in yours. You felt something shift between you in that moment and something like hope fluttered in your chest.

Why’d you whisper in the dark?

Just to leave me in the night?

Now your silence has me screamin’, screamin’

That night was different in every way. As the whole team and their partners overtook their local spot, Ryan never left your side. His hand was always somewhere on you—your shoulder, waist, hip, wrapped in your hair as he pulled you in for another deep kiss. The public affection was such a drastic change it was dizzying.

As people began to trickle out, you were giving Adam and Sam parting hugs. “Make sure you keep him in line, Y/N, he’s definitely hit his drink limit” Adam teased earning a playful push from his friend.

“You should know by now there’s no keeping this man anywhere he doesn’t want to be” you joked back, earning a parting laugh as they left the bar. You took another sip of your drink, turning to face Ryan when you felt his eyes locked on you. “What?”

“You should have warned me that I’d end up adoring you too” he said simply and your blood started roaring in your ears.

“What can I say? I’m irresistible” you teased and he smirked before pulling you into him, his mouth easily locking with yours.

When you two ended up in your bed shortly after, even that was different. Sex with Ryan was always good, as he was attentive to your wants and needs. But there had always been a barrier set between you, only allowing so much vulnerability while you were wrapped together.

Tonight, you were breathless from his near constant eye contact, his reverent kisses placed all over your body, his far gentler than normal pace. He was taking his time in a way he never had before, like he didn’t want this moment to end—and neither did you.

So, when you found yourself catching your breath beside him you took a risk, “Could you stay tonight?” you requested quietly, keeping your eyes closed to avoid his intense blue gaze.

“We agreed…” he started but trailed off.

You forced yourself to open your eyes after a heavy moment of silence. “We agreed on a lot of things that don’t seem to apply anymore” you pointed out and he gently moved a strand of hair from your face. “We’re already doing everything a couple does. I’m friends with your friends, I’m going to your games. Can you please just stay tonight?”

His eyes continued searching your face before he finally nodded, settling farther into your bed and pulling you into his side. As you settled on his chest, your breathing became synchronized as sleep approached. Just as it overcame you, you found yourself believing that this meant things were finally going to change between you.

Despite these thoughts, when you awoke early the next morning you weren’t all that surprised by the coldness that met your outstretched hand rather than his warmth beside you.

Why’d you have to

Make me love you?

I say I love you

You say nothin’ back

The next week was the whiplash following a car wreck. You didn’t see Ryan, he ignored your calls, answered via text in one-word answers. You’d had enough of it, which is how you found yourself pounding on his door on a night you knew he had off work.

He finally opened the door, eyes widening when he realized it was you. “Y/N…I didn’t know we had plans.”

“Oh, fuck you Ryan, you know we don’t have plans and you know exactly why I’m here” you angrily retorted, breezing past him into his apartment. You refused to have this conversation on his door step.

“Enlighten me then” he replied and the coldness in his voice made you stop short.

“You’ve been ignoring me all week!”

“I’ve been busy.”

Rage and hurt roared through you as Ryan refused to engage with you, even though you were within feet of him.

“What are we?” you demanded.

“Y/N” he said, forced patience in his voice. “We both agreed from the beginning this was a casual thing.”

“It was so casual you introduced me to your friends?” you demanded and he refused to meet your gaze. “It was so casual you invited me to a game? So casual that you said you adored me that night, called me the best?”

“Adam was right, I’d had too much to drink.”

You stepped closer, taking his hands in yours, desperately trying to make him look at you. “Ryan, please, don’t say that.”

Only silence met you. “I think I’m falling in love with you” you admitted quietly, all the fight leaving your body. His only response was to remove his hands and take a step away.

The roaring sound of nothingness surrounded you two as you desperately waited for him to say something, anything, or at the very least look at you. “You don’t even have the guts to tell me to leave” you laughed bitterly, shaking your head. “You’re a coward, Ryan, that’s what you are.”

And with that, you stormed out of his apartment.

I would stay forever if you say

“Don’t go”

But you won’t

You fought with yourself before finally reaching over to your nightstand to grab your phone.

Can we talk?

He had some fucking nerve. You shook your head angrily, quickly rising from your bed. You didn’t bother to answer his message, instead directing your pent-up energy on removing any trace of him from your apartment, your life. You stripped the bed, tossed the snacks you kept on hand for him in the trash, placed any random objects he’d left behind in a box you’ give to Adam’s fiancée at some point soon. But you couldn’t bring yourself to throw away the jersey he’d given you just a week ago—so you threw it in the back corner of your closet, tossing random items on top to bury it.

By the time you rallied yourself enough to sit down with your phone, hours had passed. You took a deep breath and opened up your photo album, tears stinging to your eyes as you began selecting any that included Ryan to delete them. Halfway through, a new text popped up

Y/N, please, just say something

You scoffed at his nerve and replied only with a middle finger emoji. Your phone screen quickly lit up with his name before you slammed the side button to decline the call. Within seconds, he called back again and you repeated the process, this time shutting your phone all the way off. The digital detox could wait until later.

You shook your head to yourself as you switched into leggings and a crew neck, pulling socks onto your feet. You weren’t normally a huge runner but the nerve he had to demand a response from you after his stifling silence the night before had flooded your body with too much energy. So, you laced up your sneakers and left your apartment hoping to lose yourself in the movement of your body, the crowds of people in the city.

And it worked, mostly, anyway. You knew you couldn’t go back to him—couldn’t let him continue to have his cake and eat it too all while making you feel like shit. Making you feel like you’d imagined what had been developing between you these past months. The worst part was, if he had just acknowledged you last night, asked you not to leave, you would have stayed. Maybe forever. But that clearly was never going to happen.

As you trudged up your apartment steps, legs aching and desperately wanting a shower, you stopped short at the blonde man sitting beside your door. You were frozen, the air stripped from your lungs as his blue eyes rose to meet yours. You took a step back without thinking, unsure where you’d even go.

“Please, don’t go again.”

A/N: Okay, so this was my attempt at unresolved angst which I have never done. Honestly...kind of want to do a part two but only if y'all would be interested lol. More from my self-imposed challenge and the Winter Fic Exchange coming soon

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