#rereading before posting and realizing this is also giving major kin vibes kJNSKJDN alice my beloved

[shirogane-oushirou]

not rbing the post bc they're a minor and i'm not gonna be a hypocrite wrt "no minors" stuff... but i'd never heard the saying regarding how soulmates aren't found, they're made... and it's nice to know the definition of soulmate i've used for years actually has a basis in something ksjdnfkjnsdf. ;;; like i didnt NEED the validation but it's NICE to have.

if i ever use the term 'soulmate' it's that definition. no red strings of fate, no "first word on your wrist when you turn 18", none of that. soulmates should include having the agency to choose.

anyway. ren is my soulmate in that sense KJNSKDJN.

(rambling under the cut idk i just wanted to talk about ren's and my relationship and why i feel so comfy calling him a soulmate despite everything. we couldn't have worked OUT without putting the work IN, but once we do, it's Joever. i love him so much. i can't believe my brain made up a character who's so perfect for me in that he's NOT perfect but in the most complementary ways possible ughhhhh.)

wrt doc!ren, we absolutely Are Not Good For Each Other when we meet. two people internalizing everything and putting up walls and masks, obsessively people-pleasing vs doesn't-say-no-to-anything-to-keep-the-status-quo people-pleasing. he's very good at Playing A Finely Tuned Role and i'm just a fucking Brick Wall 7ft Deep, and it takes a lot of work for us to see that projected falsity in each other... see our similarities behind our differences... open up a bit... find more similarities...

he becomes ill, and we lean further on each other to help with our disabilities. when either of us reaches the "paranoia tells me this is going to end and i should pull back" point of the relationship, the other helps work through the source of their particular brand of paranoia.

just like... a series of "based on prev life experience, i have the exact emotional and physical skills needed to help you become a better person and reach your full potential" momence (tm).

even in r!ren's case, he still has things to work through wrt his anger towards his early life and his struggles to connect deeply with others, and in that story i'm closer to reality (in that i'm in my real life living situation and i'm not as self-assured or as self-sufficient), and that all leads to inconsistencies in what we both think the other person thinks about us. and it takes difficult work... walking through things... and in the end we become so healthy and so close! and we create a joint toolkit for solving interpersonal issues. it takes work, but we become the best people we can be with the other person, not expecting everything to simply work out in the end bc of magical soul bonds or w/e.

idk, the idea of "the perfect soulmate" is just so creepy to me. "they're trying to sell me something and i'm blackmailed by the universe into buying in" vibes..... hence why i love that one post of alice being like "if i'm approached by a perfect prince on a white horse, i'm gonna push him off the horse. eat shit." AKJNSDKJN

#wrote all of that shit out in the tags only to realize it'd fit better as in-line text so i had to retype it all lol ;;;; #rereading before posting and realizing this is also giving major kin vibes kJNSKJDN alice my beloved #📌 [ my posts. ] #🍄 [ lying on the blade of an emotion. ] #🦦 [ can't escape it. ] #🐐 [ been up all night. ] #✨ [ oc lore. ] #✏️ [ my scenarios. ] #🧃 [ who is in control. ]