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Fandom: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective
Words: 2649
Summary: Bailey and his coworker meet for dinner and dancing. Is it a date? Bailey's not sure, and the panic is rising...
"sissel and missile trying to put up party decorations using their little paws before remembering they have POWERS"
"alma and cabanela going shopping—bonus jowd holding ALL the bags"
"those two gay prison guards, dramatically getting ice cream or chicken together"
So see, these are all great prompts and I couldn't just pick one?! So I picked all three and then panic danced my way through writing this fic... I hope you enjoy the weird mishmash that resulted! Happy Ghost Swap 2022, @redwoodrroad!
Snow fell, flakes fluttering down and to the sidewalk all around him in dozens or hundreds of tiny, crystalline kisses. It fell on his ears, red from the cold, and on his hair, loosed from the unremorseful and not-terribly-special prison of his warm and wooly hat. The rowdies overcame the guards in this case; his hair blew freely in the cold wind. Bailey stomped his feet in place and blew on his fingers. It was perilously close to a dance, a good thing because he was cold: dancing would warm him up. Yet it also meant that he was on the verge of panicking because his coworker was late. He was late for their date and that meant that he was held up! By… a woman! And she wanted something from him! Or something like that, anyway. Bailey’s worries were endless. Maybe this wasn’t a date. Maybe they were supposed to meet somewhere else. He’d wanted to see dancing. Maybe they were supposed to have met at a club. Maybe… his feet sped up to a nervous shuffling and his fingers began, involuntarily, to wiggle preparatory to his hands rising into their too-long-accustomed vertical shuffle.
He was on the edge of becoming a full on dancin’ fool, just like generations of Baileys before him. Yet, as he stood poised, his eye was caught by a small black kitten in the window of the storefront in front of which he stood. The little guy was frolicking with the ribbons and tinsel some enterprising clerk had left in the window to decorate a small tree. It batted the glitter into the air, then watched it fall with huge golden eyes. The tinsel glinted with the same rich, dreamlike light in sharp contrast to the white dazzle of the snow falling all around. Bailey’s movements slowed to a stop and he watched, distracted and enthralled, as the kitten caught tinsel with one curved, pink-beaned paw and shoved it at the tree. It wouldn’t stay where it was placed.. The kitten tried again. Tinsel fell, ornaments tumbled and rolled, but none went on to the tree. Bailey caught the kitten’s eye… did it look oddly sheepish? It was a strange look on a cat.
Bailey tapped a gentle finger on the glass. The cat put up a paw. There was a moment of communion between them before the moment was lost, the cat looked away, and Bailey’s coworker showed up at last. Bailey looked into his eyes and realized several very, very important things, here in this fraught and fragile moment.
First, that man was terribly handsome here in the snow. He had pulled his own cap off and as he blinked up at the sky, his eyes squinting into the gloom of the evening, the glare of the streetlights, and the falling snow–it all made Bailey feel something soft and lovely inside, something he’d been pretending not to feel at work. Something warm, something all those generations of Baileys must have had a dance for and yet, it felt completely new.
Second, he was holding a small wriggling Pomeranian. The dog looked strangely familiar, but Bailey couldn’t focus on that. There was a third, important–the most important–thing he’d just realized.
Bailey, who had worked with this man for ten years, who had talked with him about anything and everything in their long shifts, who had been teased and joked with by this most maddening coworker until it drove him wild with both confusion and frustration, and, finally, who had been asked out after much will-he, won’t-he… Bailey’s mind had gone absolutely and positively blank. White and pure as the snow. And in that white wilderness, one thing was plain; his coworker’s name was not there. He couldn’t remember it.
At all.
Ohhhh, this was bad. Horrifically bad! There was no way he was ever going to live this one down. His fingers started to twitch. He tried desperately to stop the shuffle. And still, his brain was tuned to only one, pervasive, intrusively loud thought.
Aaaaargh!
His coworker seemed not to notice Bailey’s incipient panic, preoccupied as he was with the Pomeranian.
“Hey, Bailey,” he said. “This is Lynne’s dog, isn’t it?”
“Huh?” Bailey responded intelligently. “Lynne?” He took a closer look at the Pomeranian, shoving his cap up so he could see better. The Pomeranian’s tail waved wildly and his tiny black nose twitched. “I guess maybe it is… why would I know? You’re the one–”
His coworker’s face twitched, an eyebrow raising. “I’m the one what ?”
Bailey drew himself up to his most prim, the tallest stance he could manage, stilling his feet as best as he could. “The one who has the dog,” he said with desperate, faked dignity. “You must have met Lynne somewhere on the way here.”
“Ooh, those the detectin’ skills that keep you working as a guard?” his coworker snarked.
Bailey reeled back against the window, groaning, “Aaaaargh!” It felt good to say it out loud, at least, and get back to their customary banter. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the kitten stop playing and sit up, interested. “Stop bringing up the detective’s exam! I studied so hard…”
“Yeah, yeah. You really did.” The other guard winked at him. “But hey, ya failed, so we’re goin’ out for drinks and then you can show me “Dance Away the Pain.” That oughta be enough consolation.”
“I…well…” Bailey glared as his cheeks reddened. “I mean. If this is an actual…” He stopped, embarrassed. “No, it’s not a consolation prize at all!”
His coworker waved his protests off. “Anyway, I did run into Lynne though. But she didn’t have the dog then, so…”
Bailey drew himself up again. “So you went out with her first!”
The other guard gave him a blank stare. “...no.” He shook his head; perhaps it was fond. “But, see, she asked me to find her dog and then it was just a crazy string of coincidences…”
“Which you just went along with, I’m sure,” Bailey said, nodding. After a beat, he added, “...that was sarcasm. In case you couldn’t tell.”
His coworker ignored him. “I don’t think I would have found the little guy if I hadn’t dropped my hat in the park, and then I couldn’t find it, so I went lookin’ for it and a sweet potato dropped out of the sky. In front of where that big weird statue used to be, ya know the one.”
Bailey gave him a blank stare. “...no.”
“The weird-ass one in the park, Bailey. With the creepy eyes? Where they arrested our special prisoner?”
“Oh. Where that street rocker guy hangs out.”
“And the pigeons, that’s the one. So I saw a blue pigeon flying away with my hat.”
Bailey twitched. “ What are you even talking about?”
“Of course I chased it; it’s cold out,” his coworker said reasonably. “And the pigeon led me to a burnt out campfire, and dropped my hat, and there the little guy was. He was real happy to see me too! You should have seen him dance. Speakin’ of which…”
“This whole story…” Bailey said slowly, “is ridiculous. You didn’t want to see my dance after all, did you?!” His feet involuntarily moved him to one side, then the other as his arms began to gyrate. “You just wanted to laugh! At my pain! I can’t believe! You asked me out! Under false pretenses! ”
“What?” Bailey’s coworker gave him a genuinely flummoxed stare. “Nah, it’s all true. Come on, Bailey. I’m beggin’ ya, not this again…”
“Oh, I’m gonna dance! Until the world ends!” Bailey panted. “This panic! And pain! Are intertwined now!”
His coworker sighed. “ Why are you panicking, though. I’m here now, aren’t I?”
“Because! You’re dating! Lynne! And you lied! And for some reason! I! Can’t! Remember! Your! Name!”
Bailey’s coworker gave him a stare. “Ya can’t remember my– Are you kiddin’ me right–” his attention was caught by something behind Bailey. “What is that?”
“You can’t! Trick! Me that easily!” Bailey huffed.
“No, but–’”
“Ho ho ho!” came a booming, jolly voice from behind him. “And have you been good guards this year?”
“Isn’t the outcome the same as if they’d been naughty?” a light, amused voice said.
“Come ooon, baby, it’s about the look of the thing,” a third, more sardonic voice drawled. “Theatrics, nothin’ like ‘em.”
Bailey swiveled, still dancing, to find Detective Jowd sitting in a large, cloth sided red wagon, surrounded by beautifully, fashionably wrapped boxes. The wagon was being pulled by a tandem bicycle crewed by Inspector Cabanela and a long-legged woman Bailey vaguely remembered from precinct parties as being possibly Jowd’s wife. Was it Alice? Alma? Something like that… his dance intensified in his embarrassment at being caught forgetful yet again.
“Ho, ho, ho!” boomed Jowd again, the sound sounding more like laughter and less like acting this time. “Good guards get presents from the man in red and white!”
“Wait, but aren’t you the one supposed to be giving presents here?” The woman winked at Bailey. “Oh well. Cabanela, you heard the man.”
“So I did, baby!” beamed Cabanela. “Sooo I did.” With a grand flourish, he gestured at the wagon. “A present for two good boooys!”
“What the–?!” Bailey heard his coworker say as a crate next to the door seemed to instantaneously switch with one of the beautifully wrapped presents, then slide its way to Bailey’s feet. Bailey tried to step back in time, but tripped, landing in the fluffy white snow. His dance stopped involuntarily as the cold shocked him out of his panic.
The other guard stooped to pick up the box. “It says to Bailey and …” Bailey heard, but the sound was muffled by his snow-blocked ears.
His coworker reached down a gloved hand to lift him up. “Ya good, Bailey?” When Bailey stood, the other man shoved the box at him. “Here, let’s open it.”
Bailey carefully unwrapped the ribbon while, to his surprise, the other guard equally as carefully took the paper off the box. They opened the lid, only to be inundated by a great wash of glitter and rose petals propelled by a small device.
“Happy birthday, baby!” cried Cabanela. “For spending with friends and loooved ones! Just so ya know, Jowd’s daughter built the glitter machine.”
The woman Bailey was reasonably sure was named Alma snorted, laughing along with Jowd, who truly was belly laughing now. “Did they need to know that? Also, It’s not both their birthdays, surely!”
Bailey and his coworker peeked cautiously into the box to find a gift card for the Chicken Kitchen, along with more glitter and flower petals.
“We thought you boooys needed a little help pickin’ a place to eat,” Cabanela said. “Not my choice, by the way.”
“Sorry,” said Jowd, sounding completely unrepentant. “And, by the way, the special prison’s being repurposed now that Yomiel is free,” he added. “Sorry about that too, but you boys are out of a job.”
Bailey felt his former coworker’s hand spasm, then reach for his. Wait… was he panicking now? Without needing to dance? Bailey resolved to ask him for his secrets. Right after he remembered his name. For now, Bailey squeezed back.
Cabanela took the Pomeranian from the other man’s unresisting and now free hand. “We’ll get this valiant little warrior back to our baby,” he said, and handed him down to Jowd, still in the wagon. “She’s probably just finishin’ dinner herself.”
“Oh, with Memry?” Alma said, smiling. “Guess we’ve got this matchmaking thing down to a science.” She gave Bailey a funny little salute. “Good luck! And thank you for being kind to my husband.”
“Huh?” Bailey said, flustered. “I’ve only met him once or twice…”
“Don’t worry so much about it, maaan,” Cabanela drawled. “Onward!” He and Alma began to pedal, somehow, magically, in perfect synchronization.. The bike, the wagon, the three humans, and the dog shot away as if propelled by a missile and disappeared into the thickly falling snow.
“What was that…” Bailey’s former coworker said blankly as he pulled away. “Hey Bailey. Are we… unemployed?” His hands flexed a little and he looked around aimlessly. “I had just finished my card tower…”
Bailey dug in the box and pulled out a note, which blew out of his hand in the wind. Expertly, the other man caught it.
“What’s this? Lemme see that.” He read it and looked up. “We’re invited to apply for a job with the new special investigations unit,” he said, his voice stunned. “With personal referrals from Captai– Captain Jowd? He got promoted? And Inspector Cabanela..guess he got promoted too.” He shot Bailey a slightly shyer grin. “Sorry for grabbin’ ya. I got, er… nervous.”
Bailey peered at the card, oblivious. “I don’t even know what to think any more,” he said blankly. “I didn’t know I had to be worried about this too. My poor stomach…”
“Oh?” his friend slid him a narrow eyed gaze. “Nerves? Or hunger?”
“Ergh… maybe both…”
“Hmph.” The other man drew himself up in what Bailey realized after a moment was a parody of his usual posture. “Well then, maybe it’s time to panic after all.”
“Panic?” Bailey blinked. “Why would it be–”
The former guard carefully placed a foot backward, then another. His hands rose and he made an awkward squiggle in the air, then he stepped forward, waving a hand up and down.
“It goes like this, right?”
“Err..” Bailey watched him, mouth agape. It wasn’t right, at all, but generations of Baileys were standing and cheering in his brain. He was trying. What more could one ask?
“It’s not panic time,” he said, nevertheless. “It’s a different dance when your stomach hurts.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Dance Away the Pain.”
“Well, show me then.” Bailey’s ex-coworker shot him a slightly nervous smile.
Bailey realized two more important things in that moment. First: heck. This guy was still handsome even covered in snow and dancing very badly. Second: In all that wilderness of white static in Bailey’s brain, the all-important name was back. It wasn’t even as if it was an uncommon one. The panic had just stolen it.
Bailey’s feet slid into place. His hands rose to the proper position. With one hand, he gestured. “This one’s done with two people. Wanna learn?”
“...yeah.” Bailey’s ex-coworker, current friend, possible partner, put a hand in Bailey’s and pulled him in a little closer. “But only if you remember my name.”
“Easy,” said Bailey, and said it. They both grinned fatuous grins and danced away into the falling snow as behind them, a Christmas tree in a window stood, perfectly decorated and leaves swaying gently in the breeze. Beside it, a small black kitten lay very still, probably exhausted by its efforts.
-
“Wait, that’s it?”
“Well, what else would there be?”
“Why were Jowd and everyone there?”
“Because it’s more fun that way!”
“Have you ever even met those guards?”
“Sure! Miss Lynne knows them, even in this timeline! They’re nice!”
“…Huh. So they just dance off and we never even learn Bailey’s friend’s name.”
“Well, I don’t know it, so…that’s just how my dream went, Sissel.”
“Well… at least it was fun. Hope they work it out in real life…”
“I bet they will! They’ve got us rooting for them!”
“Uh, sure. And like Cabanela always says, ‘ When in doubt, just keep movin’…”
“ So as long as they keep dancing, they’ll be fine?”
“In your dreams anyway. …and, sure. Maybe in real life too.”
“I’m gonna show them the dance Mr. Cabanela taught me, in that case! That should be perfect!”
“...You know, I think you’re right. They���re gonna be just fine.”
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Ghost Swap 9 - Masterlist
Closing ceremonies! Just pretend it’s last week! All works queued ❤
@ace-cyclic for @ravensa: The tower (art, Yomiel)
@azurefishnets for @arbuthnotblob: Magitek didn’t do much to protect from snow and ice (fic, Tengo&Jeego AU)
@azurefishnets for @redwoodrroad: When in doubt (fic, Bailey, Bailey’s partner, Alma, Jowd, Cabanela)
@azurefishnets for @siverwrites: The weight of mirth (fic, Cabanela(/Jowd))
@azurefishnets and @siverwrites for @laughingmango : Pigeons and Patterns (fic, Alma, Pigeon Man, Lovey-Dove)
@cherryflavdluv for @ace-cyclic: The Temsik emerald (art, Sissel&Lynne AU)
@dapskie for @playghosttrick: Psychonauts crossover (art, Sissel, Lynne, Yomiel, Raz)
@dreamdancerdotfile for @yunalystelle: A walk (Yomiel, Sissel, Cabanela)
@glowing-gravity for @mitsubachiaria: Babysitting (comic, Cabanela&Kamila)
@guccisystem for @stareofsilver: Sailor Moon fusion (art, Yomiel&Sissel)
@kamil-a for @cherryflavdluv: Loyal steed (art, Kamila&Missile)
@katecattus for @phantriicks: Rain (fic, Yomiel AU)
@laughingmango for @azurefishnets: The beard..... (art, Jowd/Alma/Cabanela AU)
@laughingmango for @guccisystem: Yomiel rehearses (art, Yomiel&Sissel)
@laughingmango for @paperweight-jellyfish: Act nooormal (art, Cabanela&Kamila)
@laughingmango for @siverwrites: Just learn to write (art, Alma&Sissel)
@mrkanman for @katecattus: It’s okay. I’m here now. You’re safe. (art, Lynne&Kamila)
@nebulacloudz for @siverwrites: pre-game team-up (art, Cabanela&Pigeon Man&Lovey Dove)
@paperweight-jellyfish for @laughingmango: a lovely evening (art, Alma&Cabanela)
For @nebulacloudz: (posted privately)
@playghosttrick for @rookiebotwx78: sissel goes to the junkyard post-ending and finds a familiar, rusted lamp. what happens next may surprise you! (fic, Sissel, Ray, Yomiel)
@ravensa for @glowing-gravity: Yomiel’s latest painting (art, Yomiel&Sissel)
@raygirlramblings for @playghosttrick: Layton crossover (art, Layton Luke and the pets)
@redwoodrroad for @shibasquish: Jowd and Cabanela hanging out (art, Cabanela, Jowd, Sissel)
@rookiebotwx78 for @raygirlramblings: Sharing a cigarette (art, Jeego/Tengo)
@shibasquish for @azurefishnets: Aquarium date (art, Alma/Jowd/Cabanela)
@siverwrites for @azurefishnets: A troublesome gift (fic, Jowd/Alma(/Cabanela))
@siverwrites for @dreamdancerdotfile A Day in the (Un)Life of… (fic, Sissel, Alma, Jowd, Kamila, Yomiel, fian!Sissel)
@siverwrites for @yunalystelle: Picture perfect (fic, Alma/Cabanela/Jowd)
@stareofsilver for @mrkanman: Cabanela visiting Lynne at the hospital (art, Cabanela and Lynne)
@yunalystelle for @dapskie: The two of us (fic, Yomiel&Sissel)
Once again: thank you so much, everyone. See you next year!
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