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nervousglitterdelusion · 19 days

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SNM 5-Show Speedrun

Well, like many of us in the community, my "last ever" visit in December 2023 turned out to just be the start of my journey with this show. With the perpetual extensions and the announcement of the Remixed show, I hauled my ass across the continent for another round of mischief. This time around I had some dear friends from the Discord community waiting for me.

Show #1 (Sunday matinee)

Miguel completely charmed me with his pre-elevator speech! I don't know him very well but I absolutely loved his energy and his hair was styled so beautifully.

Loop 1: Malcolm (Tim Creavin):

This was a truly magnificent way to start off my visit - Tim C's Malcolm is dearly beloved by my Discord bestie and we were so hoping we'd have some luck with looping him together on the 3 shows we had together that week. To see him dancing with Gabe's Boy Witch in the ballroom filled me with gleeful agitation. The Hotel was already providing <3. Tim's Malcolm went absolutely ham thrashing on the stairs after being hexed by Boy Witch; I knew we were really in for a treat with this poor fellow. Up in the Detective Agency, I was unbelievably lucky to get pulled for Malcolm's 1:1 - again, what a way to start off my return to the hotel 😭😭. I had mistakenly thought the 1:1 happened in the darkroom so I was thrilled to get dragged along to a completely new space. I feel like when you get a 1:1 for the first time everything is a blur, so I won't do the sequence a disservice by trying to list everything that happened 😅. What I do remember is the amount of times I supported this poor man's body in my arms as he thrashed and coughed and choked... Malc bb we have GOT to keep it together if we're gonna solve this case 😭. I'm glad I had gotten intel about Tim C's enthusiasm with the forearm to the throat moment because I could practically feel the anatomy of my windpipe against his arm like SIR 😭. I came out of the 1:1 gasping and joined back up with my friend for a wellness check 😅. We're back baby!!!

Tim C continued to thrill through his scenes and he absolutely broke my heart at the banquet finale - he really emulated a boyish grief as he nestled himself into Andrew R's Duncan's waist. Back upstairs when Malcolm was sitting at his typewriter, I knew the razor scene was coming. This is not a triggering concept for me and I had seen this scene before without being too distressed, but this time around it hit me really hard. The combination of Tim C's ability as a performer and the moments we had shared earlier in the 1:1 had instilled the most unexpected affection and care for his Malcolm and I found myself moved to tears. I moved away to catch my breath and fortunately my friend was close at hand to make sure I was coping all right. It was inexplicably sweet to finish up that loop with the shaving scene - Tim and Andrew are absolutely perfect together. It felt so right to close the loop with a giggle at Malcom's authentic guffawing when Duncan fell back in surprise during the pivotal moment of the scene.

Loop 2: Fate Witch (Junyla Simons):

After being put through the absolute wringer chasing Malcolm up and down the stairs, my ability to follow Fate was a bit diminished 😅. Junyla was SO flirty and teasing as she hexed Spencer's Banquo. I had never seen the Fulton-Fate morgue scene before and that was a really exciting sequence! I had the best view of the rave yet and Junyla was absolutely mesmerizing as she thrashed under the strobe lights. My jaw dropped when she screamed. Blood curdling is the only way I can describe it and I have so much respect for her putting her voice through that kind of stress for our benefit. Her post-rave dance was such a showstopper - the way Junyla threw herself around with so little inhibition was thrilling. At that point Fate's crowd was feeling unpleasantly full so I had to abandon ship. I'm a bit sad as this meant I've never been able to catch Fate's scene with Speaks but I just couldn't put myself through the jostling and elbowing anymore.

Loop 3: Wandering!

For this trip, I wanted to be able to poke around parts of the set I'd never seen before and catch some of my favourite sequences again. I was able to catch Aliza Danvers and Doug Macduff's door dance from a great angle, much better than the last time I had seen this pas de deux. I jumped back up to the Lobby and caught Gabe Boy Witch's Is That All There Is - I didn't know this was Gabe's last day so it was very lucky that I caught it. Boy and his emotional arc have been a favourite of mine from the beginning, so I was excited to see what Gabe brought to this scene. He was so sweet and demure as he emulated Peggy Lee and ended the number very vulnerably and shyly. Bon voyage Gabe 😭. I poked around Duncan's quarters and was finally able to make sense of where all the rooms were in relation to one another. I enjoyed the moments of quiet leafing through the props and petting the various taxidermy 😅. When I don't really know how to wrap up a show, I usually follow Nurse and Matron to the Macbeth residence to watch them clean up the bathtub and make the bed. It's become a very meditative and blissfully quiet way to end the show. The finale was a showstopper as usual and I couldn't believe my luck when Georgia as Nurse turned from the balcony and gave me the walkout. I learned the next day that this was her last day so that was unbelievably special. We exchanged lots of smiles as we made our way back to the bar and she gave me the sweetest hug.

Show #2 (Sunday evening):

Once in the Manderlay Bar my buddies were buzzing about how Mallory was playing the role of Woman in Bar that night. I had never met Mal and didn't know very much about her, but I could tell she was someone very special! Moments later I met her character, and yeah, the rumours are true y'all. Mal is dripping with charisma! I joke that if these cast members started a cult I'd be one of the first ones in the white outfit shedding my earthly possessions and sitting at their feet - Mal is definitely one of those people who could likely convince me of just about anything.

Loop 1: Lady Macduff (Georgia Usborne):

The Lady Duff... I have made most of my career out of working with pregnant folks so I had been avoiding this character.. However I really couldn't resist her anymore and I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw beautiful Georgia on in the ballroom. As I was fresh off her walkout I felt like it was meant to be. As she collapsed into an audience member's arms in the ballroom her hand fell into my lap so I took it and tried to give her some reassurance as she woke. I followed her up to her quarters (not without giving Danvers a withering glare) and magically she took me in for the 1:1. When she opened with the words "you're finally here!" I couldn't help but smile given we'd just had our walkout together hours earlier. Her Lady Duff was so tender as she spoke to me, but her body language betrayed her immense anxiety. Being a reformed church girl I am such a sucker for any religious elements, so her crosses of protection really got me good 😭. I safely tucked the packet of salt into my skirt and away we went. My hatred of Danvers grew exponentially as I watched her toy with my Lady, it was so heartbreaking to watch Danvers humiliate this innocent young mother. I wasn't sure how Lady Duff's murder would affect me so I positioned myself near the back of the audience so I could have an exit strategy. Her fight with Zach's Macbeth was incredibly athletic, but very difficult to watch. Fortunately I was perfectly positioned to see Georgia slam her hand against the wall as Macbeth "killed" her so I could avoid any feelings of overwhelm in that moment. As she awoke she looked so confused and lost. We held eye contact for a moment and then she left.

Loops 2 & 3: Fulton (Spencer William Grossman) & Taxi (Tim Creavin)

I decided not to do a full Lady Duff loop as I had just done a Macduff loop in December and wanted to see as much new content as possible before I had to (possibly?) check out permanently. As I hopped between 2 characters for 2 loops I'm kind of merging all the content I saw into one sequential loop. Between character moments I also got to check out all the remaining rooms and spaces I hadn't yet seen on Gallow Green. I went up to 4th to find Fulton and Spencer was such a treat in this role! I found myself absorbed in all the quirks his character displayed as he focused on his rituals. He was so charming with Agnes but sadly I lost him for a while after he chased after her.

When it came time for Taxi to emerge, my friend was able to come find me as I worried I would miss his entrance. In strides Tim Creavin with the most glorious middle part I have ever seen. This man was SLICK with gel. As many have discussed, Tim C is all chaos all the time. Doug Speaks came into the Taxidermy shop at one point and took one of the candies laid in tribute at the feet of our poor Turkey. Taxi was already eating a candy of his own but was obviously displeased at Speaks taking one for himself, so he both snorted like a pig and obnoxiously open-mouthed chewed his candy in Speaks' direction 😅.

When he went to visit (harass) Fulton, he took what I think was a taxidermied caiman head with him. He made the head "walk" along Fulton's desk towards him, and Fulton very paternally smiled as if to say "what are you doing, please don't". Taxi of course continues the assault and the caiman head starts to make its way over the side of the desk and down towards Fulton's pants 😅. Fulton puts a stop to this, and Taxi was very upset so he grabbed Fulton's dress form on wheels and dragged it stomping back to his office. He tried to put the caiman head onto the neck of the dress form but it didn't stay on, so he found another skull and somehow secured it better. He put his coat onto the dress form and then made "hands" for his creation out of antlers, placing one hand in the chest pocket of the coat. He then took peacock feathers out of a vase and filled the eye holes of the skull with them. Satisfied, he rolled his masterpiece back to Fulton and gestured as if to say "look". Spencer Fulton was the perfect foil to Tim C's Taxi, so demure and indulgent of Taxi's childlike shenanigans 😅. Their dance sequences were absolutely incredible, these were more numbers I hadn't seen before and I was blown away. It's so special to be so up close and personal to such exciting art!

I followed Fulton to the Speakeasy and his dance with Doug Speaks was so unexpectedly flirtatious! I have never looped Speaks so I don't know much about his character past the moments I've seen of him as I've looped other characters, but the way he teased Fulton to check him for witch's marks was really effective. I met up unexpectedly with Tim's Taxi after his first 1:1 pull and a small group of us followed him up to the 5th floor cemetery. Taxi placed whatever he was holding through the gate and then just... lay face down with his neck on the cross bar of the gate. I was like can you breathe?? Very evocative of planking. He finally got up up and started doing the most feral yoga sequence in front of the gate, from extended child's pose to wheel to humping the air to beating the ground, over and over and over and faster each time. VERY unusual to witness 😅.

I found myself sticking with Fulton as he huddled off to the side while the witches passed in preparation for the rave. I followed his crowd to the Rep Bar and most of the White Masks didn't notice Fulton had stopped at the wall opposite the doorway, so I ended up right next to him. Fulton became more and more distressed as the rave gained momentum, alternating between scrabbling along the floor towards the doorway and cowering against the wall. Once the scene hit its peak, Fulton's eyes crossed and rolled back into his head; he turned and "looked" at me each time this happened and it was SO intense and unexpected. On the final "possession" he rose up from the floor and dragged his body up my legs and waist, I was so at a loss for how to help him so I just held him at his back like "ride the wave friend and hopefully this will be over soon" 😅. We eventually left and watched Macbeth and Banquo fight - again, no one seemed to be following Fulton too closely so he and I stood on the raised platform to watch together through the shelf.

We fearfully watched Hecate pass from inside the funeral home before returning to his office . Suddenly he stopped and looked up at me - other than at the rave, Fulton never seemed to acknowledge any of us WMs so this was quite surprising! He took a charm on a red string and held it up to me with a questioning look on his face. I nodded and dipped my head to receive it. He offered me his hand and down we went to the ballroom! The stair crowd was quite pushy and at times we were almost separated and I had to raise our arms to keep his hand in mine. He would look back at me like girl what are you doing 😅. I have never had a walkout where we watched the finale from the ballroom level so I was very excited, but very much trying to match Fulton's religious anxiety. Initially we watched together from the back of the crowd and as Macbeth and Banquo toasted each other, I looked at him with concern and he met my energy perfectly. We found our way to the front and when it came time for the crowd to be moved back, people were NOT having it. Spencer had to turn and face the crowd to really intimidate people into stepping back. We stepped forward together and held each other and I saw Noah Banquo shaking his head as he coiled the rope around its hook - I realized I was in for my first strangling finale! Fulton and I continued to exchange worried looks and when it came for Macbeth to meet his end I clung onto him for dear life. It was so much more intense to see Macbeth's bloody and manic face up close as he fought against his friends. Instead of one long squeeze, Fulton gave me a series of squeezes and it almost felt like he was comforting me instead of trying to intensify the experience. As the lights came up we turned and looked at each other almost as if to say we'd better get out of here before we're next! Off we went to the Manderlay Bar and again Fulton was too sweet. He looked at me questioningly and waited for my nod before slowly removing my mask and giving me a hug, and that was the end of my double day!

Show #3 - Remix!

The energy in the chat for Remix was so electric and the tailgate party was unmatched. We had a friendship bracelet making station, pizza party, dessert trays, and just a wonderful time clowning around. It was so great to put faces to names from the Discord and share in the excitement together. We were handed golden masks before the elevator and we all giggled as the doors opened to Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" on the 5th floor.

Loop 1: Banquo (Javon "Ja'Moon" Jones)

I planned to start with a single character loop and I ended up choosing Banquo once I made it to the ballroom. I was so caught up in the excitement that I hardly remember any of the song differences but I'm sure other people have made records. To have the ballroom pop off with Felix Jaehn's "Ain't Nobody" was SO energizing and it was way too fun clapping and cheering when Duncan got lifted in 😭. Despite it being the first loop it felt very crowded, the consequences of a building full of professional WMs! I still enjoyed all of Banquo's dances (and boy he has so many of them!) and when it came time for his murder, Smooth Criminal was blasting in the Speakeasy. Macbeth and Banquo punctuated the scene with MJ vocalizations which made it absolutely hilarious. I had a very embarrassing moment where DLP Macduff was trying to get me to move out of his way in the Taxi shop - he rested his hand quite gently on my shoulder and I assumed it was one of my friends saying hi, so I simply placed my hand over top of his and kept walking for a few paces. I turned to see who it was and was met with the most enormous shoulders in a white button down and immediately knew no one from the Discord was rocking that kind of wingspan (no one that I've met anyway). I jumped out of his way and gave him a very apologetic touch on the arm as he passed.

Loop 2: I had hoped to bounce around on the 4th floor to catch different sequences and move away from crowds as necessary, but I obviously don't know the show as well as I thought as I was met with a lot of empty and dark rooms! I did manage to catch Jordan's Boy Witch Pool Table dance but I was quite far back. I was hoping to catch a Malcolm and Agnes dance but it turned into a Malcolm procedural scene as Agnes missed her cue (laugh). I made it to the rave and despite being a few rows deep it was AWESOME. Killing in the Name by Rage and Faint by Linkin Park were so nostalgic for my millennial heart and the bass was REALLY bassing. The crowds dispersed enough for me to enjoy Fate's dance on the bar (to the original score) and I stuck with Hecate for a couple beats just to get a break from the crowds.

Loop 3: I hopped down to the Lobby and got a pretty good view of the prophecy scenes (possibly also to the original score?). At this point Issa had swapped in for Boy and they lip synced to Diamonds are Forever - Boy was so impossibly glam in this moment and we were eating it up. It was so fun to holler and clap for him! I LOVED Will Porter's happy dance to "I Wanna Dance with Somebody", especially since I hadn't seen it since my first visit last November. When it was Boy's turn to dance in the phone booth, Ginuwine's Pony was blasting and Issa COMPLETELY devoured it. I think most of us can agree that Boy is pretty damn enticing but in that moment... It was borderline illegal. Once Boy darted off to the 4th floor I decided to wrap things up in the Macbeth apartment as I was feeling at a bit of a loss at where to go next and knew I would find Nurse and Matron there eventually - I watched Chantelle Lady Beth solo dance to Heart's "Alone" which was awesome. All sequences after that were to the usual score. She bathed Sean Macbeth (another sequence I hadn't seen since my first visit), I watched her suitcase room dance, and then eventually Nurse and Matron came in to tidy up. I followed them down to balcony and then the show was finished!

The afterparty was very fun, to spend more time in the Manderlay Bar and the Lobby was so great. The drinks were flowing and to be honest I'm shocked I found my way home to my hostel intact. I'm so glad the Discord server exists because there's no way any of us could have seen everything in that show, so it's been cool to read other folks' recaps!

Show #4: Wednesday Evening

I was very grateful to have a day off from the show on Tuesday - between the double on Sunday and the marathon event that was Remix my body and mind desperately needed the break. On Wednesday evening NYC was experiencing a pretty juicy thunderstorm so we were let into the hotel at 6:30! That was a first for me.

Loops 1 & 2: Fulton (Javon "Ja'Moon" Jones")

I initially started out with Issa's Boy Witch but I got a bit distracted by Tim J's Porter and lost Issa for a bit. Once I went up to the High Street I found Ja'Moon's Fulton and made a clutch decision to pivot from Boy. I followed him from room to room as he gathered materials, performed rituals, and peered out through windows. This was a very nice and quiet loop, which was a breath of fresh air! He had this beautiful rhythm of securing his hair before each ritual, whether it was taken down in the scene following or it fell down on its own I always seemed to miss it happening!

Towards the end of his narrative loop he put on his coat and secured his tie - a few of us were looking at him in the mirror and he made eye contact with me for the first time. I was so so lucky to have a hand extended to me and Fulton and I went to the mortuary. We initially joined hands in prayer, and then Fulton seemed to be in multiple places at once, first next to me reading my palm with ash, then clambering up the shelves to access various bottles and jars, placing a line of ash down my forehead, and I think at one point he was up on the mortuary table? He spoke to me not in English (I believe Ja'Moon has been known to speak French Creole in their one on ones, as I believe they did in my Boy Witch 1:1 with them last December). He blew a palmful of ash up into the air and the way it danced in the light completely captured my imagination; it was so beautiful! He gifted me a charm of protection that he retrieved from what felt like an impossibly high spot in the room and then stood in the corner holding my mask up at my eye level - I walked into it and he secured it which was SUCH a cool way to receive my mask back! I was guided back to the Funeral Home, the door was slammed, and I was alone with a Black Mask! I was still standing there processing when Doug Speaks bursts through the door and looks at me with the most hysterical expression on his face... So irreverent and almost teasing, like "wow you really thought that little Christian man was all that huh". He turned and spun one of the crosses on the wall around on its nail and then strode out to the High Street. This was such a funny character moment from Doug - in the 5 shows I attended he will have worked every single one and while I'm sad I never got to loop him, I really enjoyed that moment we shared.

When Fulton pelted his window with (salt? Whatever those cubes were) I couldn't help but laugh quietly, it was just so comically ineffective. Ja'Moon's Fulton was beautifully paired with Hailey's Agnes and Ja'Moon played the hopeful lover boy so well. They ate a HUGE mouthful of jelly beans in Paisley Sweets before playing "eenie meenie minie mo" to choose a candy for Agnes, funnily enough he didn't end up choosing the one his finger landed on 😅. As Agnes left and Fulton continued to wander and complete his rituals, we started to gather more and more of a crowd. I was far in the back at this point as I had accidentally bumped the back of Ja'Moon's shoe earlier in the loop and I felt so terrible. By the time it came time to go down to the 3rd floor cemetery it was pretty full and some folks in their excitement started to overtake Fulton on the pathway. He turned and gestured to say "no", got to the end of the path, and threw down their umbrella - naughty WMs don't get the privilege of helping their character!! I finished off my loop with another showstopping Fate/Fulton mortuary dance and off I went to the rave!

Loops 2 & 3: Boy Witch (Issa)

I cannot have a trip to the Hotel without getting a least 1 Boy Witch loop under my belt, so I followed Issa's Boy in the direction of the shower room. Someone pushed past me to be first behind them and as Issa went to close the door, the person tried to fight them to keep it open?? I was so shook and embarrassed on their behalf. When Issa finally wrenched the door closed I decided why not just hang around Taxi's little back office and tail Boy once he's ready to rock again. I got to see Jordan's Taxi come out which was awesome but fae already had a huge crowd and I feared that could be a cursed loop for audience behaviour, even though I was completely charmed by her James at the top of the show. Boy eventually emerged and I poked my head out from Taxi's side room so as to not startle him with my stalker-ish behaviour. I tailed him to the Banquet and positioned myself for a good vantage point for his part in the tableau. Issa completely killed their spotlight dance post-Banquet, making complete use of the space and the light, and it was lovely to not be too crowded in that moment. It was just stunning.

Back up to the Lobby we went and it was eventually time for Boy's lip sync. I have been lucky enough to see 3 different performers' versions of this scene so I was on the edge of my proverbial seat wondering what Issa would bring. Things were going pretty swimmingly until that third verse - Issa brought a level of emotion that was completely unexpected and raw. I have certainly gotten misty eyed in this Hotel but that final verse and the closing had my eyes and nose streaming. Issa hadn't chosen anyone to sit in the "main" chair for the performance so I wasn't sure what was coming next, but after Boy got his tissue from the Porter, he reached over a couple heads to pull me forward and wipe his tears. I had rather long and pointy black nails on and as I was still crying I watched in horror as Issa guided my index finger under his eye and the point of my nail dragged across his lower lid. I deliberately twisted my hand with the second wipe so I couldn't accidentally maim him (I have to assume they could see my nails in their field of vision and knew what they were doing but I was so worried). Fortunately they seemed unharmed and off we trotted to the telephone booth. It goes without saying Issa occupies nearly all of the vertical space in that booth and I just peeked up at them through my tears. I got my whispered message and my kiss and then it was time for the ballroom!

Tim C was on as Malcolm and since my eyes were following Issa I got to enjoy Tim C's character moments as well. His Malcolm is a perfectly Charlie Brown-like, little old me character - whenever someone would cut in and steal his partner, he would give the crowd a little look and a shrug like "well, what can you do?". I just love getting those little unexpected morsels of character moments. Issa flirted and teased and thrashed their way to the Rave and this time I got myself a better viewing point. Junyla absolutely stole the show again with her Fate Witch screams, nothing but pure terror in that moment!

Then it was back to the shower room and since Issa's Boy had not invited us in on the last loop I wanted to follow at a respectful distance and let the scene play out as they wanted it to. The door stayed open and a few of us filed in. Once Boy was done in the shower he pointed very defeatedly at the towel without looking at anyone. Not wanting to hog Boy's attention I didn't make a move, but when no one else did anything for several beats I finally snatched it and thrust it into his hand - terribly self conscious that it wasn't meant for me. The same thing happened with the shirt, he didn't look at any of us but simply pointed at the shirt, and when no one else moved I grabbed it. I couldn't figure out how to hang the hanger back onto the stall and I was terrified someone would slip on it so I shoved it underneath the stall very awkwardly 😅. Issa has impossibly long limbs so it took a bit of maneuvering to get their hands in both sleeves simultaneously and guide the shirt up onto their shoulders. They put their underwear, socks, and knee sleeves on and then sat down. They held out their pants and I made a slow move to take them but they yoinked them out of my grasp and handed them to the person next to me 😅. This blessed individual fumbled back and forth to find the front (in fairness the suspenders make it terribly confusing), Issa stuck their feet up in the air to receive the pants, and the poor WM made a mild attempt at assisting them before panicking and giving up. Boy ROLLED his eyes rudely, shimmied the pants up, and then turned to me and extended his hands for a boost up. I took his hands and he made the most minimal effort to support his own weight. I popped the deepest squat I can to find some power and hauled this tree of a human upright. I'm pretty sure a grunt escaped my lips with the effort. Issa tucked in their shirt (but didn't bother with the buttons), laughed in our faces, and ran off to the ballroom. It was absolutely hysterical.

I had a great vantage point for the hanging, nice and close to enjoy all of Sean Macbeth's emotional reactions as he processed his execution. I left that show on such a high having had so many funny and emotional experiences!

Show #5: Thursday Evening

My final show of my trip 😭. I had felt so completely spoiled by Ja'Moon and Issa the night before that I walked into this show feeling zero sense of urgency or desperation to see anything in particular. It was such a full circle moment to find Tim C and Robyne in the bar. Robyne was a favourite performer of mine in December both as Hecate and Simone in bar and Tim had given me so many wonderful moments as Malcolm and Taxi this visit. We had some lovely chats and then off we popped into the elevator. Who should be playing the role of James but Issa! I'd like to think they remembered me from our loop the day before but what do I know 😅. After the elevator spiel, I found myself on the elusive 6th floor of the hotel 😭😭😭. I found myself in a very dark and unfamiliar hallway. I turned a corner to find Noah waiting for me - Noah is another all-time great in my books. Their interpretation of Banquo, the vulnerability they showed and their dance ability all blew me away back in December. To see Noah standing there was so so special. Embarrassingly I am still somewhat afraid of the dark, so I was quite literally clinging to Noah for dear life when the lights went down. Noah executed everything perfectly and I found myself crying as they spoke about how we would never be able to go back to Manderlay. I didn't know about the flash paper or the costume change, so that completely thrilled me! The wheelchair excursion was absolutely beautiful and everything was just... perfect. The combination of the set, the lighting, the sound design, and Noah's performance... I was floored. Sadly it had to come to a close and I was sent on my way.

Loop 2: Bald Witch (Ruth Howard)

I caught my breath in the stairwell and pivoted to the ballroom where I wanted to catch up with Bald Witch for a first-time loop. I found her as she was about to reset the trees post-Banquet and for a brief moment she and I were alone in a quiet corner of the ballroom. She lovingly caressed my mask and breathed a few lines into my ear. I was immediately hers and knew I was locked in for an incredible loop. Bald had an equally committed friend following (if it was someone in the Discord, you had a lovely vibe!) so I knew I would be sharing her affection that evening. I finally got to see the Bald and Fate grooming/prep session in the tiny parlour off the Lobby - it's so special to pop into a completely new space! It was so intimate and cozy in there. I was starting to get too warm to keep my hair down and tucked my hair up into a clip - Bald caught me doing this in the mirror and gave me a cheeky wink as she was securing her own hair. I was in the pretty ladies club 🥺. Bald v. Ja'Moon's Banquo was wonderful as always, but Banquo had amassed quite a crowd so I didn't have the best vantage point. I was in for a treat with two new sequences post-ballroom: Bald's transformation dance and her fight with Macduff. WOW is Ruth an incredible dancer! Her articulation and use of the space were so so stunning. My heart filled to see Doug Macduff enter the space, like I mentioned earlier he has been such a constant presence for me this week and it was so special to see some more dance content from him. These two were very evenly matched and it was just an excellent sequence.

Rave was awesome as usual, Ruth did choose her loyal follower for the dry-off but I think she knew she also had my heart as she gave me a little tickle under the chin afterwards, as if to say "and I love you too". It takes very little to charm me 😅. I hadn't spent a ton of time in the apothecary or seen Bald's post-rave scene before, so it was all so exciting! After she left I decided to skip the second banquet scene and find something new while I still had time.

Loop 2.75: Matron (Ilana Gilovich)

I found myself drawn up to the 5th floor as I had only spent time there once in a very crowded Nurse loop and then briefly while following Taxi. I walked through the wooded maze to check in on Matron - she wasn't in but I decided to just enjoy the cool air and the spooky vibes. Soon enough Matron came up the maze without anyone following her. I met her halfway and followed behind, then watched her enter her hut and close the door. I was hopeful she might re-open the door and invite me in so I hung around, but eventually she opened the window and chose someone else who had was standing in the right spot (I didn't realize it was the "right spot" at the time 😅). I stayed behind to enjoy the audio being played in the maze and the vibes. Eventually Matron exited the hut and wandered back down the maze. I was mesmerized as she scrawled in chalk on the post - the combination of the pleasant coolness, the low crowds, and the incomparable performance ability of THE Dr Ilana Gilovich was just perfection. As she inverted over and the light hit her from the hut, my imagination was sparked in a whole new way. This was one of those iconic Sleep No More moments that will stay with me for a long time.

Haley as Nurse came along the maze and helped Matron back to her hut. I watched the rocking chair scene and again stayed at the doorway hoping I might be able to meet Matron on my own. I realized after she pulled someone else again that one really had to be by the window in order to catch her eye 😅. So, I decided I would stay for just a little while longer and if it wasn't in the cards for me I would move on. After Matron ushered the WM she chose out of the hut, she closed the door and most of the other guests left the area. I peeked through the cracks in the shingles and was amazed to see Ilana performing all alone in the hut! I could only see little slivers of it which only made it all the more thrilling. Again, something about this moment was so serene and satisfying. I hung around a little while longer, Matron opened the window, and her eyes landed on me 🥺.

As I entered her hut, I feel like I was whipping my head around trying to take everything in. I took my seat at her invitation and she prepared tea for me, asking me wordlessly whether I took cream and sugar. I can honestly say I've never been spoon fed a liquid like that as an adult, so I had to think a bit about the best way to accept it without making a mess 😅. After 3 spoonfuls we settled into the story she had for me. This storytelling experience was one of the most real and raw experiences I've had in the McKittrick. Again, the sound, the lighting, and Ilana's impeccable performance had my eyes widening in fear and watering in despair. I was completely devastated in that moment. Ilana handled me extra gently as she brought the experience to a close and looked at me longingly as I gazed up from the stairs. Once she closed the door, I essentially ran crying through the maze and down the stairs to find my sweet Robyne/Simone in bar. I've always smiled at the PIB line that mentions coming back to the Manderlay Bar if things become too intense - I have had a lot of intense experiences in this Hotel, but nothing quite like my experience with Matron. I just needed to leave the space and catch my breath (and wipe my eyes).

Loop 3: PIB (Robyne Parrish, Karen Marie Richardson, and Tim Creavin) and Duncan (Miguel Anaya)

I grabbed some water and eventually found Robyne and Karen seated in the back of the bar. They were so patient with my sniffling ass and helped me catch my breath. Then, Robyne turned to me asked, "have you seen our special little corner of the bar?". I replied that I hadn't. She asked me "would you like to go see it?". I nodded yes. She took me by the hand to a room I'd never noticed before where Tim C as Theo was waiting for me. The PIB 1:1 has been scripted online already so I won't butcher it here, but Tim showed the greatest tenderness and care to me in that moment. His message mean a lot to me then and there but it has continued to unfurl for me as I've returned home. I returned to Robyne and Karen with fresh tears and they apologized for not really helping in that department 😅. I chatted with them for a few more minutes while I dried my eyes and decided it was time to hop back into the show to say goodbye.

I made my way down to the ballroom where the final tableau was being set. I had the most wonderful "behind the curtain" view I've ever had - I was off to the side where I could see all the hidden details of the cast supporting each other through the finale. A hand to boost another up onto the table, the clipping of a harness, a gentle squeeze on the ankle to signal all was proceeding as it should. I'd never noticed how Boy and Bald slip under the table and I enjoyed seeing Duncan just lay down quietly on the floor 😅. It was a perfect finish as usual, and as I took my eyes off of Macbeth, I turned to see Miguel's Duncan smiling down at me from the stage stairs and reaching out his hand to me. I took it gratefully and made that final climb to the Manderlay Bar while exchanging the sweetest of smiles with Duncan. Tim C as Theo was welcoming us back and he also gave me the loveliest of smiles seeing me hand in hand with Duncan. I held onto that final hug a little tighter and squeezed his hands once more before saying goodbye.

Final Thoughts:

This trip was so much more than I ever thought it could be. I was so warmly welcomed into the fold by everyone in the fandom and it was so beautiful to have friends to chat excitedly with in line and debrief with after in the Bar. While I left the trip exhausted, my soul was also fed in so many ways. Thank you to everyone who I met who made this experience what it was. Love to all of you 💗💗💗.

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percocet · 2 years

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hallooooo that was a SHIT weekend lmfao hope ur all doing well besties <3

#raving with friends on discord to cope #i have so many fucking opinions and i can't say any of them on main ahwhawhawhawh #logging in here and immediately experiencing tranquility like:#ames.txt

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swampgallows · 2 years

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people who were previously my best friends (i can only assume they are no longer invested in being my friend because they haven't spoken to me in months and only confronted me when their egos felt bruised) telling me i "only exist in discord"... because i am high risk and don't want to go raving in a fucking pandemic.. it just eviscerated me on so many levels and i still can't cope with it. how the fuck are you gonna say "weak" people are the ones who should stay home then tell me it's "my choice" that i don't want to party during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC... but then also tell me i am a shit friend for staying home because i don't want to risk dying just to hear some middle aged dudes play s3rl tracks, and then they refuse to hang out outside of a rave environment or even suspend raving long enough to limit exposure then test negative and visit. the amount of people i called friends who have showed their ableist asses during this pandemic and are engaging in soft eugenics is fucking insane. like i don't know what else to call it. how can you put me in the double bind of saying i need to stay home because of a deadly virus and then simultaneously berate me for staying home.

and now promoters are apparently complaining about the "bad crowds" at parties being all faux influencers and tiktok sludge who only want a cool backdrop for their content or whatever... like damn dude what a fucking surprise that the only people regularly going to unregulated events during a global pandemic are going to be the most self-absorbed privileged egotistical people imaginable. you really think people who still have to work for a living, getting covid multiple times, suffering long covid, doing manual labor, or living with vulnerable people are gonna keep doing that shit? not unless they truly don't give a damn about themselves or others. like damn how insane that those people are insufferable to be around. who would have thought

#blathering

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lacystar · 2 years

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14, 18, and 21 for the fic ask game?

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

Clean Up In Cell #21 I wrote spur of the moment to cope with a Ranboo lore stream and I wrote it on vacation. Definitely unplanned and probably explains why it's one of my... less favorite fics. Still linking it here bc exposure is exposure lmao.

18. current number of wips

Currently 3: BYAIWABBT, the mumza fic I mentioned in a previous ask, and one last private fic I'm writing that I'm gonna keep between me and a group of friends :]

21. most memorable comment/review

2 answers for this one. First, the user @/easysummerings on AO3 left the longest, nicest comment I remember getting in recent memory on my fic Ablaze. I hold that one really dear because that fic seriously flopped for me after I put in so much work for it, so the fact that one person left such a nice long comment was so nice. I still reread it a lot. Second, Tumblr and AO3 user @/aenqa left a couple comments on the first chapters of BYAIWABBT that made me so giddy at the time because I looked up to them as a writer SO much and felt (and still feel) that their writing is LEAGUES above mine, so it was such a confidence boost at the time to see someone I admire leave a comment.

Special shoutout for this one to any of my friends/mutuals who have ever raved abt my fics to me on discord in dms or group chats. y'all the real ones <3

#ty for asking anon!!! <3 #asks #anon #byaiwabbt #ablaze

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edvonstein · 4 years

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which precures would read homestuck without being dared to

Boy howdy. There’s a question I didn’t expect. Well let’s see here and go down the list:

Nagisa: Got into it shortly after launch, after hearing Honoka talk about it.

Honoka: OG reader, has been around for most of Hussie’s stuff.

Hikari: She didn’t read it until about halfway through its publication run, but caught up in a single night. She made fanart.

Saki: She tried to get into it for Mai, but it never really meshed with her. Still learned enough through osmosis to cosplay both Dirk and Dave.

Mai: She has five sketch books that are just redraws of the entire series with everybody replaced by Saki. None of her friends must ever see. They saw. They didn’t get it, but liked the art.

Nozomi: OG reader, not the absolute biggest fan, but did walk away liking it.

Rin: Saw Nozomi read it, and tried a little herself. Then she met Kanaya. The rest was history and fanfics. And special flower arrangements.

Urara: Currently lobbying for a broadway adaption. She is undecided which role she wants to play tho.

Komachi: She has changed her writing pseudonym to John Egbert, to get a better likelyhood of getting her Pirate Hurricane series published. She writes more like a mix of Dave and Rose though. It’s fucking mind expanding.

Karen: She had it fed through her home’s in house cinema to watch it with Komachi initially. They all ended up watching it.

Milk/Kurumi: “Vriska did nothing wrong”

Love: Her and Setsuna totally are like Rose and Kanaya. She is Rose of course.

Miki: She knows she is everybody’s Kanaya. She spend some time making masks of the characters. You can imagine how well that ended. Her Kanaya cosplays are somehow still great for the family boutique.

Inori: Yeah, she read it. Each reading session was followed by a trip to the confession booth. Eventually she just started reading it in the confession booth. The priest liked it too.

Setsuna: Her and Love totally are like Rose and Kanaya. She is Rose of course.

Tsubomi: Yes she read it. No her friends must never know. She doesn’t realize all of them have read it too.

Erika: The only friend Tsubomi opened up to about Homestuck. Turns out Erika runs one of the main japanese fansites of Homestuck.

Itsuki: Main mod on Erika’s fansite. Tsubomi must never know. Nor her family. Itsuki still feels too uncomfortable in their skin for that.

Yuri: Almost OG reader, she and Honoka frequented the same forums. Upon casual mention from Honoka, Yuri tried it out. Her young friends must never be tainted by this horror. Hopefully Hussie updates soon!

Hibiki:Learned about it through Ako. Found it pretty sweet, but didn’t make it all the way.

Kanade: Also learned about it through Ako. her bi heart couldn’t be stopped as she steamed through almost all of it in one go.

Ellen: Had been following it for about a year with Hummie before Suite happened. Continued reading while on the villains side. Often plays Homestuck songs while busking, and has several rearrangements on niconico.

Ako: Has been reading Hussie’s stuff since halfway through Problem Sleuth. She was 7 at the time. There’s a reason she a) is so crumby, Karkat is her spirit animal, and b) she decided to go and become an extra af phantom thief precure.

Miyuki: She is a reading machine, and of course this would capture her attention. She came in a bit late but found it on her own.

Akane: Similarly to Rin, she saw it over Miyuki’s shoulder one day, did a bit of reading herself, and got pretty hooked for a while.The hiatuses however broke her streak. Oddly enough the main emotion she took away from it is a hate for Equius, which she shares with Nao.

Yayoi: Main fanart contributor to Erika’s fansite. Her and Reika spend hours talking about Terezi.

Nao: Never did read it, she was too busy with her family and superheroism. More recently though, she decided to kinda wiki crawl the subject. Walked away primarily with a hate for Equius.

Reika: Another mod on Erika’s fansite.She has found her path. Her parents are disappointed. Screw her parents.

Mana: Tried it, didn’t like it. Square.

Rikka: Wishes she could live on that first planet they showed, with the froggies. She tries to dare Mana, but continues to get shot down. Mana is such a square.

Alice: Found it on one of her internet binges to bring her temper down. It proofed a surprisingly good tool to keep her mellow, which is why we see so little of her inner rage during the show. Another Terezi fan.

Makoto: Somehow has never come across a single shred of evidence that Homestuck exists. As unlucky as she is, she might be the luckiest of us all.

Aguri: Unlike Makoto, she has seen what Rikka and Alice are up to. She did read it a little, and liked what she saw well enough, but didn’t stick with it. Not enough time, and her twin sister lives fifty miles in Vriska did nothing wrong territory, so clearly she must be better than her. (She isn’t.)

Megumi: Came across it on her own, read it, but lost interest.

Hime: Runs the discord server for Erika’s fansite.

Yuko: Does occasional lyrics for Ellen’s arrangements, both on youtube and niconico, and makes the occasional troll riceball.

Iona: She was in fact dared, but by Megumi of all people, after she stopped reading. There is no bigger Rose fan now.

Haruka: As an avid reader, it did cross her radar, she went through it, and came out more determined than before to be the best princess she can be.

Minami: Amusingly enough, stumbled across it during her internet binges boning up on marine biology. Feferi popped up in her searches somehow, and the rest is history.

Kirara: Fans suggested it to her. She read it. The most fabulous Kanaya cosplayer of them all.

Towa: Kirara suggested it to her after she herself had finished (by now the webcomic is done IRL) partially because nerds gotta share, and partially because she truly felt it might help her cope with some of her inner turmoil from the guilt over being Twilight. Towa is slow in reading through this particular one, so she is still going through it today. Results unclear, she doesn’t talk much about it, even with Kirara. It might be helping though.

(The remaining characters I don‘t know as well as the others yet, but I’ll see what I can conjure up. Intriguingly I feel this also marks the first generation of Cures that lived in a post Homestuck world, what with Mahoutsukai airing in 2016, and Homestuck ending in 2016.)

Mirai: Got dragged in by the hype over the ending of Homestuck. Dared Riko to read it with her. They did. They planned their wedding to be like Rose’s and Kanaya’s.

Riko: Got dragged in by Mirai. Would feel very big deja vu next year when they both became moms to Kotoha.

Kotoha: Her moms protect her from this vice. (She found it anyways. There is no stopping the corruption of the youth.)

Ichika: Heard about it, but didn’t really care. Unfortunately for her she is on a team with Aoi, Yukari, and Akira.

Himari: Closet fan, wrote several dissertations about the science in Homestuck on Erika’s fansite. Which is probably where her crush on Honoka comes from.

Aoi: Loud and proud, likes this retro comic. Has started collabs with Yuko, Ellen, Amour, and Emiru because of course.

Yukari: She was a depressed gay teen during Homestuck’s peak... what do you think?

Akira: She was a gay teen during Homestuck’s peak... what do you think?

Ciel: She would have been save. But Undertale dragged her right into this fresh hell.

Hana: Huge fan of Undertale, but never quite pulled together the energy to tackle the behemoth that is Homestuck. Did learn through osmosis, with so many of her senpai cure friends being raving lunatic homestuck fans.

Saaya: Actually dodged both the Homestuck and the Undertale bullet initially. Hana then tossed Deltarune at her, and Saaya fell down the rabbit hole.

Homare: She had some inner hangups about getting into the whole mess, but Hana did dare her, knowing enough about the series to know that it’s message might gibe Homare the kick in the behind she needed to give ice skating another go.

Emiru: Big Undertale fan, but doesn’t care about the webcomic herself. Uncertain if even a dare would work, she does her own thing... well, besides the music. She freaking loves the music.

Amour: Read the whole thing in one hour to understand its impact on culture. What else would make her crash and join the heroes? Jokes aside, she did do it, and it did leave an impact on her. She was the one who connected Aoi and Emiru.

Hikaru: What are the freaking odds that she hasn’t read through it in its entirety three times this week alone?

Lala: Had her ship read it to her as something to fall asleep to. It put her to sleep quickly, actually, like tales from home. Her ship didn’t fare as well. It’s one of the biggest crack shippers on Erika’s site. Lala only heard like ten percent of the story.

Elena: Has neither the free time nor privacy to read a webcomic that’s now a decade old. Likes listening to Hikaru’s ranting about the series. Also likes how somehow that ranting makes Madoka’s face light up.

Madoka: It is unknown how she found the time, but she is a freaking huuuueg closet fan. She wants to talk with Hikaru about it, but still feels too uncomfortable being public about it. Hikaru does however know that MoonSollux, one of the biggest fanfic writers on Erika’s site, is her, but will wait for Madoka to come out of her shell in her own time.

Yuni: Missed the whole mess being a space alien idol phantom thief. Is getting a very wrong idea about human culture from Hikaru’s ranting. A dare would totally work.

(I have zero grasp on the Healin’ Good Girls, so not gonna do them.)

#precure #homestuck #why did i do this #who are you anonymous?#actually i have a suspicion given my follower pool

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sinnhelmingrmoved · 6 years

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small MCU AU rundown since my Hel has no common ground with her canon counterpart. None of this has to hold in IC interactions, but are just some things I’ve been baffing about for my own amusement. Lots of headcanon nonsense and stuff pulled from skype/discord, ayo.

PRE-CANON/PRE-MCU LAUNCH

Was given her realm as a ‘gift’ from her ‘grandfather’ at earliest convenience. Anything to keep the unsightly girl out of sight and mind, and unable to get in the way of any inheritances or plans Odin might have. While he was far from a raving jackass, there was a callousness in Odin’s actions that has not washed out all these centuries later.

Had a relationship at some point post-WW2 with a friend’s Peggy Carter muse. They met by chance pursuing a mutual target -- one who had robbed Hel of some item of power, and had intel that Peggy was tracking. Hel meant only to spend a night away from her realm, but... she stayed. She made herself Leah Ironwood, recent arrival on the West Coast from a well to do Scandinavian family. The pair had a relationship for a time, though Peggy never learned who Leah really was. The two were made to separate when Odin found out Hel had returned to Midgard, and rather than have Peggy be punished as her distraction, she let her go. Peggy spent the rest of her life thinking that Hel’s allusion to family problems meant that her family found out she was homosexual and demanded she return home.

(One of Peggy’s coworkers totally makes Leah Ironwood into the Pepe Silvia of the turn of the century. THE WOMAN DOES NOT EXIST.)

In AUs that involve the X-Men movies, she likewise has an interest in my friend Ran’s Magneto -- though it’s far from the romance she had with ‘her’ Margaret. She offered him an quick death in childhood, when he was at his lowest, a potential mercy that the boy refused. She has kept tabs on him, in the way any victim who might become victor catches her attention. The best way I can describe this dynamic is that she’s sort of The Outsider to his Corvo, for anyone who’s played Dishonored. She follows his progress until the 80s -- when Odin again finds out she’s been out of her realm and keeps her locked up in Helheim when she has the gnawing feeling she ought to find and help Erik more than ever.

(and now... back to this bitch that had a lot to say about my boy the other day, en sabah nur what's good?)

MCU PROPER

Likely first alluded to in the first Thor movie, without properly making an appearance. Was going to show up for the coronation et al. and then great googly moogly it’s all gone to shit.

The Avengers is what really starts motivating her behind the scenes -- What drove her father to this? What use could he possibly have for Midgard? None of this made sense, and she began to extend her journeys to other realms in her search for answers. It lays the groundwork for a healthy little obsession and unhealthy coping mechanism in the aftermath of a later film in the MCU. Despite this, never properly appears on screen throughout, probably not even mentioned.

Also alluded to in The Dark World -- no shit, given what goes down in that film. Still no concrete appearance, though. She is sure she will never get closure for her father’s crimes now, and for that she becomes even more dogged in pursuing the truth on her own between films.

At some point becomes aware of the whole ruse and is not sure where she stands in any of this, still determined to uncover the truth before she passes judgment.

In my own silly headcanons she first appears in the Doctor Strange post-credits to discuss finding Odin. Creepy sweet girl here to get down to business. Takes Thor’s part because I’m a little shit. The voice offscreen is soft and female, almost slithering, before the camera pans over to a hooded woman. She lowers her hood and steps out from the shadows, revealing her half-rot to present company. And then she speaks of Odin.

what the fuck is a ragnarok i’ve never heard of it and neither has my hel.

Shows up in Infinity Wars ready to kick the ass of ‘that purple fuck’ who twisted her father so. Probably shoves Iron Man out of the way like ‘move I’m gay’ whenever a lady Avenger is within range.

#they can't get into my head [HEADCANON]#there's no helping hel [V: MCU]#might see some tweaking as needed and who knows if i'll even implement any of this but.#this is just kind of my default on skype and discord threads with certain mcu muse playing friends

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entergamingxp · 4 years

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DualShockers’ Favorite Comforting and Relaxing Games

March 27, 2020 4:00 PM EST

From Borderlands to JRPGS to Animal Crossing, here are the relaxing games that DualShockers turns to for comfort and stress relief.

With the growing concerns over the coronavirus outbreak across the world, things are certainly stressful and uncertain right now for everyone around the world. Thankfully, video games have been able to help take us out of dark times before, and with so many countries turning to shelter in place orders and more drastic measures, gaming is certainly a welcome distraction and source of escape right now.

In light of these heavy times, the DualShockers staff gathered to share some of our favorite games that we turn to when we need them most. Consider these our “comfort food games” – the games that we like to use as outlets for relaxation, stress relief, and a bit of warmth when they’re needed.

Kris Cornelisse, Staff Writer

As odd as it sounds, my relaxation games of choice are usually some flavour of strategy title. Stellaris or Civilization 6 might have a lot going on, but once you sink the time, in they become fairly rote.

At that point, I’m just juggling resources and expanding my influence across the map. Amass my technology, build my armies, paint the planet(s) the colour of my empire…the whole thing becomes fairly cathartic. Throw in a podcast to listen to, and you have my wind down method of choice.

For something a little more short duration than those, I’ll play a round of Frostpunk or Northgard, but the same principle applies regardless.

Ricky Frech, Senior Staff Writer

When I think about my video game comfort food, there are a few nostalgia-filled games that come to mind. I could easily make this entry about something like World of Warcraft, Diablo II, NCAA Football 2014, or literally any Yakuza game. However, when I look at my YouTube history since my personal quarantine began, the answer is clear. The number of hours I’ve already spent watching The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past randomizers is kind of shocking, but it makes sense.

A Link to the Past is my favorite game of all-time. Rarely would I call a game perfect, but if any game is, it’s this one. And when the team behind the randomizer put out their first release, an incredible thing was born. I’ve played through the original ALTTP more times than I can count. It’s been in my regular rotation since my parents got me a SNES in 1994. I know that map about as well as I know the back of my hand. So, to get something that completely switches all of that up and surprises you at every turn is an absolute joy. No two runs are exactly the same and your game knowledge is often tested in ways you never expected.

Obviously, I wouldn’t recommend you play the randomizer first. If you haven’t played ALTTP‘s original version, please, do yourself a favor and do so now (and easily accessible through Nintendo Switch Online). Like, right now. But once you’ve played through the game a time or twenty, give the randomizer a try. It will not disappoint.

Cameron Hawkins, Staff Writer

While it’s not normally a game people play for relaxation, my go-to title whenever I sit down to unwind is Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. I like playing competitive games, so whenever I know that I don’t have much time to play, don’t want to start a new game, or trying not to be super active in what I’m doing, I play Super Smash Bros. To me, Smash is just that type of comfort food gaming where I know I can always go to it and turn my brain off for a little. There are times where I play in a more serious fashion to try and better my skills, but normally, I like to kick back, go through a few rounds on auto-pilot, and call it a day.

All I’m waiting for now is for Sakurai to announce Sora in the new Fighters Pass. That’s all I want Sakurai. Please.

Allisa James, Senior Staff Writer

Normally some grinding sessions or mini-games in my favorite RPGs is more than enough to soothe this soul. But desperate times call for even stronger coping mechanisms, and so I turn to two games that exclude relaxation.

The first is Flower, which is a title developed by and released by Thatgamecompany in 2009 for the PS3. The player controls the wind as it blows a flower petal through the air. As you fly close to other flowers, you bloom them and attract more petals. There’s no enemies, no time limits, and the sounds and music are borderline ASMR in how peaceful and tranquil they are. Flower, with its stunning and colorful visuals that convey a subtle message of environmental conservation, is the perfect game to wind down to when the world is too much to handle (especially right now).

The second title is a game that I’ve raved about before: VA-11 HALL-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action. The aesthetic here is much different, as it takes place in a dark and grim cyberpunk future. But instead of focusing on an epic tale on class warfare, you play as an ordinary bartender that serves her eclectic customers as they pour their hearts out. The graphics are straight from a PC-98 Japanese visual novel, and it features an incredible retro soundtrack that you can fully customize. Getting to know each customers’ story while making them drinks in a fun mini-game that lets you endlessly restart bad drink mixing is a great way to wind down, and reminds you to see the everyday humanity in even the worst of situations.

Otto Kratky, Associate Staff Writer

Alright, let’s be frank. The world’s on fire right now – people are getting sick, international markets are crashing worse than Sonic ’06, and most of us have been told to stay indoors. In short, everything sucks right now, which means it’s a great time for some escapism. While most people are ditching the real world for their Animal Crossing paradises, me and my friends have opted for something a little more active, and therefore more distracting.

I’m talking about Stardew Valley, Concerned Ape’s farming simulator. Sure it’s not the most relaxing game, but it’s one that you can get into the rhythm of and suddenly hours have passed. See, in Animal Crossing, there’s hardly ever any direction: you just have your chores for the day and then you can go fishing or catch bugs – it’s pretty loose in structure like that. But in Stardew Valley you’ve got to take care of your plants and your animals, then you have to go to the mine to get iron for sprinklers, and it goes on. It’s much more active and absorbing, not to mention that with friends, you get a wonderful social experience that a bunch of us may be missing right now.

Is Stardew Valley really comfort gaming? Kind of. It’s not high-stress, and it doesn’t raise my BPM like DOOM Eternal does. But it takes me away from it all and gives me something else to focus on without stress or worry. I think that’s something all of us could use a bit of right now.

Ryan Meitzler, Features Editor

While gaming in general tends to be one of my favorite sources of relaxation when I get home, there are only a few types of games that I generally turn to time and again for stress relief or comfort. Generally, the two that I tend to come back to the most for good ol’ comfort food gaming are Super Smash Bros. Ultimate or Destiny 2. They’re super easy for me to jump into for either short play sessions or longer periods of time, and I can pretty much always find time to play them with friends to hangout and chat with them in Discord.

When I’m looking for something more single-player focused or when I’m not in a competitive mood, my comfort go-to games are either open-world games or RPGs. It’s always soothing to me to get lost in a gigantic world or to grind and level up my characters in the JRPG that I’m playing at the moment on my Switch while listening to some music or a podcast. Open-world games especially tend to just click with a certain part of my brain that loves activities and checklists, which is part of the reason why I put over 90 hours into Assassin’s Creed Origins.

In the current pandemic environment, right now I’ve been delving into Tokyo Mirage Sessions on Switch among other games, though I think I’m finally going to take the opportunity to jump into Assassin’s Creed Odyssey and Persona 5 soon enough.

Laddie Simco, Associate Staff Writer

Like many others, I’ve recently found myself temporarily out of work and quarantined due to the coronavirus. In this troubling time, I’ve sought comfort through video games. Through online games like Destiny 2 and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, I’m able to mingle with friends and still practice social distancing. Animal Crossing, the game everyone seems to be playing right now, has provided me with an opportunity to leave my state of isolation and visit a bright island that allows me to virtually go about life without the fear of a virus.

With all of this extra time, I’ve also been revisiting various games and one that has been very soothing these days is Concrete Genie. It ended up being one of my favorite games of 2019 and I’ve been meaning to wrap up the few remaining trophies I need to turn the concrete into a Platinum. This mostly entails finding certain collectibles that I missed.

Traversing Denska without a care in the world (now that I have completed the story) is often a zen-like experience. I can stop and fill an empty wall with my fantastic murals that seemingly come to life. The adorable Genies are there to lend a hand or play hide and seek or even basketball with. There’s also the VR mode that offers a free paint mode where you can add your personal touch to some of the memorable places from the game’s campaign and then feel as if you have stepped inside of your painting.

For me, Concrete Genie has been the perfect calming game to counter the craziness that is our life right now, as well as the stress of missing a jump in DOOM Eternal.

Josh Starr, Associate Staff Writer

I certainly wouldn’t describe these two games as relaxing, but they are my gaming comfort food. These games are second nature to me and provide exciting moments, while being the perfect time to chat with my friends.

The first of these is Smite. I’ve been playing Smite since its first season, and even had a brief stint in the professional scene. I’ve tried every MOBA available, but this is the one for me. Its behind-the-back, third-person camera angle is one way it drastically differentiates itself from other MOBAs, while its mythological theme gives it a more widespread appeal. Its heavy emphasis on skillshots also makes it one of the most difficult games to master in the genre.

Ultimately, Smite can be as casual or competitive as you like. There is the hardcore Conquest mode which can take tons of practice to master, while other modes like Arena are easy to approach and enjoy. It’s an awesome game to play with friends, and there will undoubtedly be playable characters you recognize. Now is a great time to give Smite a shot, as it’s free to play on PC, Switch, PS4, Xbox One, and has crossplay enabled between platforms.

My second comfort game is Borderlands; right now, that means Borderlands 3. Now Borderlands 3 received some criticism for its lackluster writing, which is completely warranted. However, Borderlands has never truly been about the story for me. It’s a wonderful zany looter-shooter that gives you the option to completely ignore the story while you run around with buddies searching for the next mind-shattering weapon.

Honestly, aside from the story, Borderlands 3 is the series’ best game in every possible way. Combat is greatly improved with thousands of new weapon options, improved special abilities, and increased movement options. Even the car combat, which was abysmal in previous titles, has been greatly improved here. Borderlands 3 promotes replayability as each subsequent playthrough increases your likelihood of finding ultra-rare weapons.

Borderlands 3 just released on Steam, and with another DLC pack being released this week, it’s the perfect time to grab some pals and drop onto Pandora’s surface. I’d go as far as saying that Borderlands 3 is the best group multiplayer shooter in recent years, even if sometimes you feel like turning down the game volume and blasting Spotify instead.

Nick Tricome, Staff Writer

I love hockey.

I watch it, play it, and depending on the need, even coach it.

I can’t do any of that right now, and probably won’t be able to for quite a while. The current circumstances; they suck. Not having that major outlet to escape them for at least a little bit makes it all feel so much worse.

Video games have had to fill that escapist void now more than they ever have, both for myself and I’m sure millions of others. And while there have been plenty of great new releases to turn to (Hey, Animal Crossing), I’ve found a lot of comfort in spending hours upon hours on NHL 20’s virtual rinks.

Now look, I buy NHL every year and would’ve spent hundreds of hours playing this season’s edition regardless. But the coronavirus pandemic has derailed nearly everything, the NHL season included, turning EA’s annual hockey franchise from a constant in my life to suddenly one of the few constants that remain.

It’s no replacement for the actual sport, it never could be. But in the meantime, taking my Be A Pro into the World of Chel’s pond hockey rinks just to mess around in Ones or drop-in Threes for a bit, or trying to create my best lineup possible through Hockey Ultimate Team, will get the job done. It kind of has to right now.

Please come back soon, Flyers

Scott White, Associate Staff Writer

For me, there is a special kind of comfort I find in the grind of RPGs. It’s calming and relaxing to me when I can just set about fighting monster after monster, working towards a goal like learning a special skill or trying to get a rare drop. The repetitive nature of grinding in an RPG lets me go on autopilot, freeing up my mind to take a load off, work through a problem, or just disconnect if I so choose.

The RPG grind is nice because even though you are tuned out and relaxed, there is still a benefit to what you are doing. Your characters are still getting stronger, you’re still getting money, learning skills, etc. A lot of games that will help automate this process somewhat. Bravely Default, the Tales series and Final Fantasy XII for example will allow you to focus on just running around if you want, leaving most of the grunt work to the computer controlled characters.

Another nice thing about RPGs is that if you get sick of grinding for levels, more often than not there is some sort of mini-game that you can grind thrugh instead. I have spent far too much time with the likes of Triple Triad in Final Fantasy VIII or that plushie creation mini-game in Bravely Second than I care to admit. And you know what; that’s ok. I’m thrilled that there are a few big RPGs right around the corner to help me relax this next month or two!

Now that you’ve heard from us about the DualShockers staff’s favorite games for comfort and relaxation, what are yours? Let us know in the comments below!

March 27, 2020 4:00 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/03/dualshockers-favorite-comforting-and-relaxing-games/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dualshockers-favorite-comforting-and-relaxing-games

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blackwinged-soul · 4 years

Text

...Just venting concern for a dear friend, but she follows my other blogs, and I don’t want to make her feel guilty about it.

I had a feeling something was wrong.

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

For two weeks, I texted her, letting her know when I was available, fun things, asking if she’d like to hang out, see a movie, a song that made me think of her, and... while she usually responds within a few hours, max, she wasn’t saying anything.

Which could’ve indicated any number of things. But I had an uneasy feeling about this one.

I tried staying optimistic. Waiting a couple days, reaching out again. Wondering if I could coax her to... talk to me. Wondering if she wanted to... And, yeah, after a week of silence, some doubt and a touch of insecurity crept in there. Maybe she wasn’t talking to me because I’d done something wrong. Because I’m shit at showing her how much she means to me. Maybe she just didn’t want to talk to me anymore?

But it just... didn’t feel like that. I kept wanting to ask her to confirm that she was okay... but I didn’t know how to bring it up.

That’s the thing about bonding with an empath. We tend to just KNOW things.

But knowing something is wrong, and knowing what to DO about it, are two very, very different things.

So today, I finally got a text back saying she’s having a really bad depressive episode. So I asked her if she needed space or wanted to talk, and she said she “need[s] peace”. So, space. Which, I’m happy to grant, if she needs it. Healthy boundaries and she’ll know what works best for her.

But the more I think about it, just... the more I ache for her.

I wish I could help. I wish I could uproot the sadness. I wish my empathic abilities were strong enough to reach past neurochemistry and thought habit and could just, implant all the love I feel for her and take the depression away forever.

I mean... I could try. At least, to give her TEMPORARY relief! I’ve been known to have projective empathy. But, 1.) If I’m feeling worried, I have tendency to project that along with the positivity, and I don’t want to give her any anxiety to process? And 2.) In this life, this body, it’s such a diluted, muted, small form of my old capabilities. No matter how vividly I remember what I could do, in the other life... I’m not THAT powerful anymore.

...come to think of it, that ability only worked on Gems, anyways...

...”Peace”, she said... Shortly after our brief conversation, I had a bit of a revelation. Peace. I know someone who does “peace”!

I want to pray for her. Gods know, with my connection to A/zar, and of course her divine and powerful focus on Peace (on every level), maybe she could help her? I just don’t have the connection to her gods, especially not the Keme|tic panethon... (And the things I’ve done in the Thief King life were so totally heretical to them, maybe they’d hate to hear from me, anyways. ;; )

But Azar has always been so.... unconcerned, with how things are going outside of those under her care. She took me in, and even that was a stretch for her, a rare situation, a miracle, a blessing. Would I be testing her patience? (I don’t think she’d mind. She’d probably understand; she knows I’m driven by compassion in this life, I’m sure... But I also don’t really think she’d... care. Maybe she’d tell me to just focus on myself...)

Because that’s yet another thing. I’m so limited, I’m so worried, that it’s throwing my own emotional balance off center. It’s not eating me up, just enough worry that I’ve been static-zapping things left and right today and i cried over a song... so, okay, maybe it’s bothering me a little more than worry usually bothers me.

But I just.... don’t want her to have to suffer alone.

I know she’s the only one who can cope with it. I can’t do it for her... though if I could, I would. I’ve done it before, coped with my own depressive episodes I mean. I did it for five thousand goddamn years, and, I mean, there was a HUGE revelation to knock me out of it back then, but I DID come out of it!

And maybe she will, too. I really hope she will. I’m just... I know what depression does to you. I know the way it devastates you from the inside out. I don’t want her to go through that....

I want to help her get her insurance figured out, help her get treatment, because gods, she doesn’t deserve to suffer like that. If she needs help getting help because the people around her don’t believe she NEEDS it, then by the gods, I’m happy to step in and walk her through the process MYSELF! But of course, I can’t, or rather I won’t, do that unless she wants me to.

I want to be able to hang out with her, just help lift her mood, give her a safe place to air her thoughts, let her tell me about the new game she’s loving, maybe offer her some of that peace and happiness and strength. I don’t need all of it right now. I’d be happy to share it.

I know that, in my personal experience? I don’t like feeling alone when I’m depressed. One of the first things I’ll do when I feel depressed is reach out, go on Discord, dive into tags on Tumblr, just... Try to get some conversation and interaction going, to distract me and offer that sense of connection, so I’m not just wallowing in my loneliness. (I know she’s an introvert, and I know she has a lot going on in her life. So maybe she really does just need some quiet self-care time...)

I guess I just hope she knows that I’m there for her, and I really hope she’s able to reach out at some point. If she needs to. If she WANTS to. I have to trust that she’ll be able to reach out when she’s good and ready...

I miss her, too. That’s another layer down there... I’m not going to come around raving about how Depression Stole Her From Me or anything. I love her, depression and all. But... I don’t think I’ve seen her since... New Year’s? Stars. Two months....

And I feel like maybe, part of it is my own fault. I was stuck in the job search. I was exhausted. Maybe, if I had been there for her, it wouldn’t have gotten this bad? Did she feel lonely or isolated or unloved? Am I too distant? Am I a bad girlfriend?

I’m not in control of her neurochemistry, but that’s just... something I’m constantly insecure about, my inability to express my emotions enough to know that my loved ones feel loved. Even when it’s as simple as “I’m thinking about you” and “I love you”. I want to get all sappy and romantic sometimes, and cuddle, and go on dates, and romantic walks... but something ALWAYS stops me.

And I also wonder if... maybe I’m not loving enough? I feel the love inside me. But what good is feeling love when you can’t give it to the people who deserve it?

I don’t even know how to address these concerns for her. Especially now... when she needs time alone. I don’t doubt that she loves me. But I doubt that I’m good enough, worthy enough, of still being at her side. I’ll be there for her as soon as she’s ready for me, always. But does she know that? Does she know how much I love her?

So.... I’m struggling.

For the record, she has never once said a single word to enforce these doubts. Even with how long we go without visiting, as soon as we’re together, it’s like magic, we’re happy, we’re so totally together for the time we DO get to see each other. But I don’t know how to ask her, just to... make sure I’m taking care of her. I trust her with my vulnerabilities and insecurities. I trust that she’d be honest with me, if I were to ask. But because of my own uncertainties and fears and emotional bottle-necking, I just... can’t bring myself to address them.

I don’t even know how I’d begin........

#rwt personal posts #rhs vent posts

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