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britingotmywholeheart · 9 months

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I asked @britinbliss for their favorite britin scenes and also for their favorite qaf scenes in the whole show, and I am sooo happy that they answered, and they asked me to answer the questions too, so here we are.

My favorite britin scenes:

5. I really love their first time sex scene cause it was so intense and just beautiful and really hot. Especially, I love the rim-job Brian gave Justin. It was so beautiful when Brian's tongue runs over Justin's back and a small drop of sweat caught on her. And Justin moaning when Brian's tongue got in his ass was just so intense. I love it!

4. The pride party scene at the end of the pride episode is sooo beautiful. Justin accepted who and how Brian is and wanted to leave, so Brian can do what he wants to do, but Brian just wanted to dance with Justin is such a huge step in their relationship. "Hey stud, wanna dance with me?" "Shut up." "I promise you won't forget this one." makes me giggling and smiling every time cause it is just so cute and beautiful. Brian would literally do anything for Justin, and we see this in season two. Season five is so far away, but we can see that Brian really cares about Justin and loves him. Brian is just proud of Justin cause he made it. He showed his pride and he got over the thing with Chris Hobbs. Brian taught Justin so much and this scene shows this and is just lovely.

3. Of course, I really love the scene in s5 ep10 where Brian says "I love you." for the first time. I cried so much when I first saw it because we all waited so long for this moment, and it was soooo beautiful. Brian showed Justin that he loves him for five seasons (not straight lol) but when he said it a new era began.

2. Also, one of my favorite scenes is when Brian brought Justin to Britin and said he would do anything and be anyone to prove Justin that he loves him and that he meant it when he said he wants to marry him. The best part of this scene is when Justin said, "You bought this! This Palace!" and is totally in shock and Brian just answered "It's for my Prince." And when they made love on the floor in front of the fireplace, I was crying again.

1. My all-time favorite scene is their reunification in season three. How they are laughing and smiling while kissing and undressing each other is so beautiful. I can see that Brian missed Justin so much, and he wants him back soo badly. I just love this. And how they dance after this in Babylon is just perfect. Ben was so right when he said, "The biggest reunion since Germany" (which is so meaningful and funny to me because I am German). But I can not stay with my top five, cause my second all-time favorite scene is when Brian and Justin are celebrating that they betrayed Stockwell (of course they are celebrating with sex) and got interrupted by Stockwell and Gardner Vance. The sex in this scene was so intense and how they undressed each other was just beautiful. But what I also like about this scene is that Brian said "Wanna finish?" after Stockwell and Gardner Vance were gone. He doesn't seem to be mad about Justin and what happened. He wanted to go back to Justin and fuck his brains out like he always does, cause he hates it to get interrupted when he has his time with Justin.

To write down my top five was really difficult cause I love nearly all the britin scenes the show gives us, but I tried.

My favorite scenes from the show in general:

5. I really love the scene in s3 ep14 when everyone at Liberty Avenue is celebrating that Stockwell lost the election and Mel and Lindsey had their absolutely cute moment. They were sooo happy together, and I loved them very much in that scene. I also love the britin scene in the last moments of season three when Brian said, "I guess I've lost everything." And Justin answered, "Not everything." to show Brian, he will stay with him no matter what happens.

4. I also really enjoyed the scene in s1 ep1 when Daphne asked Justin where he was, and he just said, "I saw the face of god! His name is Brian Kinney." This scene is so funny but also shows how much Justin felt in love with Brian after one, okay two times, they had sex.

3. And you're right! I love the scenes where the whole group of friends helped for Mel´ and Lind's wedding. It was such so beautiful how they all worked together and Mel was soo happy about this. In my opinion, she wanted to hug Brian, but she knew it would be awkward for both of them, so she just smiled and punched him softly.

2. I really liked much of the scenes with Emmett and George. In my opinion they were a good and cute mature couple. And Emmett was so tough with the thing with George's money to give the whole money back to his awful family just to make his point clear.

1. I really don't like Cody Bell and what he made Justin do, but I love his little argument in the church with the reverent. "What's your point, young man?" "I believe the point is, if you can eat shrimp, we can eat cock!" I love this quote. It's so on the point and so true.

My favorite episode:

I would say my favorite episode in the show is s2 ep9, cause in serious times it's nice to watch it and just laugh about it. This whole episode is just funny and nice. The beginning where Brian fucks the reverent is so cool, cause in first place I thought Brian is just fucking around as always, but then he leans to the side and kisses Justin. And Micheal says they have a date night. Their definition of a date night is so cool. And then the whole thing with Ted taking viagra and the conversation on Mel´and Linds´ veranda, "What do you mean, you still have an erection?!" "Thank you, CNN!" is just so hilarious. Brian's idea to spook Ted's penis and when he said Mel and Lindsay should show him their tits to turn him of is soo funny. And after that, the scene where Justin and Brian really stole Teds viagra and are fucking for the tenth time this day and their conversation "I can't believe you're fucking me again." "It was your idea to steal Ted's viagra." is so fucking hilarious, too. The whole thing with Brian's mum is so shitty, and I hate Joan so much that it's actually funny again. How Brian holds his hands in front of his erection, so his mum can not see it, is so funny. I just love everything about this episode, so I should stop.

I could write so much more about other (favorite) episodes, so I should stop. It's too much.

I hope you all can understand what I wrote in here. English is not my first language, but I really try.

#queer as folk #brian kinney #britin #qaf #The whole thing escalated a bit #qafus #queer as folk us #michael novotny #emmett honeycutt #debbie novotny #ted schmidt #queerasfolkedit #queerasfolk

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madsworld15 · 1 month

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Heal Me, Hold Me, Make Me, Know Me Chapter 3 Part 3: June

QAF, Brian x Justin, Asexual Spectrum Representation, Season 2 re-telling. Part 3: 2800 words

As always, thank you @winderlylandchime and @maryp50 for your support. There will be one more part to this chapter when I post it to AO3 on Wednesday.

Brian got back on Wednesday around 9:30 pm. It was later than he’d told Justin initially, but not so much later that it’d truly matter. Brian was more than ready to sleep in his own apartment and spend some alone time with the younger man. Despite talking to Justin each night on the phone, just meandering from one pointless topic to the next, Brian desperately wanted to sit on the couch and listen to him ramble.

During Justin’s OT on Monday, he managed to grip a paintbrush the correct way for the first time since before the incident. Brian tried to congratulate him, but Justin quickly cut him off by telling him it wasn’t worth celebrating until he was able to actually paint again. When he wasn’t talking with Justin over the course of those two days, he had heard from Debbie – about Justin’s increased anger issues – and Emmett – about Justin’s refusal to talk about that night at all.

Brian was concerned, but he also thought maybe he needed to give Justin some more time to adjust to each new development in his recovery. The doctors at the rehab center had incessantly reminded him and Jennifer that Justin was in a marathon, not a sprint. They needed to help him keep expectations low but motivation high. However, the fuck that was supposed to happen, Brian still hadn’t figured out.

So, when Brian arrived back from Chicago to find Justin in a rage, throwing things around the loft, he wasn’t overly surprised. He saw scraps of art ripped apart and thrown around the open spaces of his home. Brian quietly closed the door behind him and then leaned against it, waiting for Justin to come down.

Justin finally noticed his presence and paused, his chest heaving and pencils clenched in his fists so hard, Brian could see the whites of his knuckles. Brian raised his eyebrow at him and quipped.

“I see you’ve been busy. I like what you’ve done with the place.”

“You said you’d be back by late afternoon. It’s almost 10 pm.” It was when Justin uttered these words that Brian saw the fear in his eyes.

“I made partner,” Brian replied simply, in a soft tone. He silently wondered if he should apologize, but being late wasn’t something he regretted, so he opted not to.

Justin shook his head slightly and scoffed. But instead of calling him out for whatever misdeed Brian must’ve done, Justin went over to the corner of the loft where he did art. He wasn’t over his outburst, but the anger he must be feeling was no longer being directed outwards. It was as if Brian’s presence had pushed it back some.

After that, Brian went over to his desk, deciding he needed to make a dent in the number of emails in his inbox. All was quiet for the next ten minutes when Justin started to lose his cool once more.

The younger man was at an easel his mom had brought by for him that morning, attempting to make big brush strokes with his paintbrush. But, every time he went to do anything other than put the brush to paper, his hand would revolt and start to spasm. Brian watched out of the corner of his eye while continuing to work. He knew that if he interfered, Justin would get even more angry.

“Fuckin Hobbs!” Justin exclaimed before a paintbrush was lobbed toward Brian’s desk, almost hitting the man in the jaw as he crouched over some sign-on papers for Brown Athletics.

Brian looked up at him as he grabbed the brush, stood up, and crossed to the couch, where Justin had sat down, now rubbing his palm as he extended and curled his fingers.

“What was that?” Brian was thoroughly confused. He had no idea who this Hobbs person might be. Well, he assumed it was a person.

“Nothing.” Justin shrugged and shook out his hand.

“Who or what is Hobbs?” Brian sat down next to the blonde and took his hand into his to massage it.

“Hobbs was this guy I went to school with. He used to harass me for being gay.”

“What made you think of him?” Brian gave Justin a steady gaze that told the younger man he wasn’t going to drop the subject.

“Nothing.” Justin looked away, trying to avoid the truth Brian’s gaze was begging for.

“Okay. Don’t tell me. But just know that by keeping it inside, you’re going to keep getting angrier and angrier instead of moving forward.” Brian stood up and shrugged. “Then you really won’t ever draw or paint again.”

He went toward the bathroom to take a shower. From experience, he knew that Justin needed to be given the authority to pick and choose when he would talk about something. Brian was the same way. He was willing to talk about deeper subjects, but not if someone pushed and pushed until he felt trapped in a corner. So, Brian gave Justin his space and knew the blonde would come around eventually.

What he didn’t expect was for Justin to come into the bathroom just as he was stepping into the shower. Nor did he expect Justin to get undressed and join him under the spray of water. Brian was still trying to bring his brain back online when Justin grinned and spoke.

“I started to remember some stuff during group yesterday, but I didn’t tell anyone. Mostly because I didn’t know if it was real. But, then, last night in my nightmare, the guy who kicked me in the head had the face of my bully from high school, Hobbs.” Justin put some shampoo on his hands and started to rub his hair. When Brian reached forward to take over, the blonde let him without hesitation.

The two of them continued to wash each other's hair and upper body as Brian waited for Justin to lead the conversation further.

"I think he might be one of the guys who attacked me, but I can't know for sure." Justin looked up at Brian, a vulnerable look on his face.

"We could talk to the police if you want. They could look into it. But only if you feel comfortable." Brian wanted Justin to understand that he would always take his lead.

Justin just nodded and wrapped himself around Brian underneath the stream of water. Brian closed his eyes and hooked his chin on Justin’s shoulder. They’d been through quite a bit in the last few weeks, and he knew that the more Justin started to remember, the harder things would get.

“We should tell the police.” Justin finally muttered. Brian smiled as he pressed his lips to Justin’s neck. The younger man moved his head to expose more of his neck and allowed the most intimate touch for them since the bashing.

*****

A week later, Michael showed up at Brian’s office with a sheepish look on his face. Brian acted bored and continued looking over client mockups as he waited for Michael to start the conversation.

“I’m sorry.” Michael finally muttered. He moved further into the office and plopped himself down on the couch.

“Brian, I shouldn’t have said you’d never grow up or that Justin was the enemy because he was changing you.” Michael looked to Brian, but he refused to let Michael off that easily. “Growing up and being more mature isn’t a bad thing, even for you.”

“What made you realize that?” Brian finally made eye contact with Michael. He gave the shorter man a stony look that didn’t reveal any of the multitude of emotions raging inside him.

Michael scratched the side of his head and gave a small chuckle. It was his tell that he was nervous about something. Brian silently observed his friend waiting for whatever Michael’s epiphany-causing event was this time.

“I, um, was talking to Buzzy at the comic book store. And well, he talked about wanting a change in his life and that he might move away. Anyway, the thought of losing my favorite comic book store made me realize that so many things were changing all around me. Then, I thought, maybe Brian needed a change, and Justin gave him that. So, here I am.” Michael shrugged and looked at Brian with a hopeful expression in his eyes.

“Well, Mikey. That’s really insightful of you.” Brian rubbed his mouth to hide his grin.

“But…” Michael responded.

“No but. I just don’t understand how you couldn’t extend me the same courtesy I gave you when you started getting serious with the good doctor.” Brian shrugged. “You’re my oldest friend, Mikey, and yet you’ve done nothing but judge me.”

“What else was I supposed to think? You went from believing in fucking not love one minute and the opposite the next.”

“Who said I believe in love? I’m still very much about fucking, not love, with the added pleasure of spending regular time with a guy I like.” Brian flipped off his computer and stood up, gathering the rest of his things. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I still have sex practically every day.”

Brian left his office, and Michael followed him. “And Justin knows about it?”

“Yes. He encourages it.” Brian nodded goodbye to Cynthia on his way past her desk. “See you tomorrow, Cynthia.”

“Tell Justin I said hello.” Cynthia smiled and waved.

Michael looked around as they walked out the front door of Vanguard. “Wait, you’re leaving already? It’s only 4:30 pm.”

“Justin still gets a bit freaked out if he’s alone for too long. I usually work a bit from the loft in the evenings.” Brian shrugged and climbed into his Jeep.

“We need to discuss our plans for Pride Weekend, which is this weekend. In case you forgot.” Michael almost shouted at Brian as he prepared to leave the parking garage.

“You’re welcome to come over tonight. Justin has plans to go to dinner with his mom later, so it’ll be just us.” Brian offered up an option.

“Sounds good. I’ll come by the loft in an hour.” Michael waved at him and headed off in the opposite direction.

An hour later, Brian was in the midst of letting Justin let out his anger when the door to the loft slid open. Today, Justin’s target of rage was his and Brian’s wardrobes. Brian had some music playing to keep the neighbors from complaining as Justin stormed about, ranting about people giving up on the cripple.

“Of course, my mom would value his needs over mine! She told me she forgot. Sure she did! My dad says jump, and she does it. No question. Even now.”

“Hey, Brian.” Michael came up next to Brian, where he sat on the couch. Michael looked toward the bedroom, where Justin was pacing angrily.

“You aren’t going to stop him? He’s throwing your Armani fall collection around.” Michael looked at Brian incredulously.

Brian looked up from the Brown Athletics mockup in his lap, looked at Justin, and then went back to Michael with a shrug.

“He’s not destroying anything. It’s easier on everyone if we just let him work through it.”

“But it’s your Armani Fall Collection.” Michael looked at Brian like he’d grown a second head.

“It’s replaceable if Justin somehow ruins it, which I doubt.” Brian shrugged again. Then he stretched and stood up. “Would you like something to drink?”

Michael followed him to the kitchen. “So, you just let him throw shit around until he’s calmed down?”

“Like I said, it’s better for everyone if I don’t try to stop him.” Brian poured Michael a glass of water. “So, what were you thinking for Pride this year? The usual, go to Babylon and find someone to bring home?”

Just then, Justin came into the kitchen, his chest heaving with each breath. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He exchanged a look with Brian and planted a kiss on the older man’s cheek.

“I’ll put everything back. I promise. I just need a minute.”

“I’ve told you. You don’t ever have to apologize for getting frustrated.” Brian faced Justin and looked him up and down with a concerned look in his eyes.

“I know. I just hate that I do it. I don’t know why.” Justin looked down at his feet, defeated.

“You have a brain injury. Remember, the doctor told you that it would affect your moods and anger management.” Brian reached out and cupped Justin’s cheek.

“Yeah.” Justin took a deep breath and another swig from his water bottle. “So, what are you guys talking about?”

“Pride!” Michael cut in, surprising Brian. “It’s this weekend. Are you going?”

What little bit of normalcy Justin managed to regain in the last few moments went away, and a cloud moved in at Michael’s innocuous question.

“Why? What do I have to be proud of? That I got bashed in the head and didn’t die?”

“Well,” Michael started and then briefly paused, “Yeah. And to show everyone that you are still you.”

“But I’m not.” Justin glared at Michael, slammed the water on the counter, and walked away back to the bedroom.

Michael followed Justin’s path until he disappeared behind the dividers. Then he turned back to Brian in shock.

“You aren’t encouraging him to go?” Michael whispered.

Brian met him with a steady gaze, “Pot, meet kettle.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Michael protested.

“You know exactly what I mean.” Brian leaned his upper body onto his elbows, which were on the countertop. “You’ve never been to a Pride parade in your life. You’re too damn chicken shit to try.”

“That’s not fair. You know I can’t expose my sexuality at my job. I could lose it or any chances I might have at advancing my career.” Michael was getting fired up. Brian wondered how far he could take the conversation.

“Chicken shit,” Brian emphasized, trying to make his point once again. “Your mom begs you every year to march with her, and every year, you try to flirt your way into a one-night stand and go home empty-handed.”

“That’s not true! I get a good fuck. Sometimes.” Michael protested a bit loudly. “Besides, what about you? You never march in the parade either.”

“Maybe not, but I still go every year. And never once do I back down from being exactly who I am, no matter what time of year it is.”

“Yes, because you are the model of what we should all aspire to as gay men.” Michael rolled his eyes and muttered smugly.

“You should be so lucky to be me. I have everything I could ever want.”

Justin came back with an eye roll to Brian. “Yes, because everyone should aspire to be an uncaring man whore who fucks everything that moves.”

“You don’t ever have any complaints.” Brian rolled his lips between his teeth and playfully smirked at Justin.

“I complain all the time. Just not to you.” Justin winked and grabbed Brian’s landline receiver. “That reminds me, I should call Emmett.”

Brian swatted at Justin and muttered, “Smart ass,” under his breath.

“All kidding aside, Brian’s no apologies, no regrets mantra is actually quite impressive and worth aspiring for.” Justin shrugged, putting the phone back on its cradle without actually making any calls.

“If that’s true, then why aren’t you going to the Pride festivities this weekend?” Michael motioned his hands outward as if challenging Justin to find a way out of the non-existent hole Michael believed him to be in.

“Because I’m a coward. I didn’t fight off my attackers. Plus, I still can’t handle crowds of people.” Justin shrugged.

Michael and Brian exchanged looks before Brian reached out and grabbed Justin’s hand. “I’d be there with you. If you decided to go that is.”

Then Michael did the biggest show of good faith Brian had seen from him in a very long time. He extended an olive branch to Justin.

“Tell you what. If you brave the crowds to go to Pride this weekend. I will do the same and march with my mom. It’ll be a first time for both of us.”

Justin looked from Brian to Michael and back to Brian. Confusion was etched all over his face. This wasn’t the Michael Justin knew and Brian could tell it was unnerving him. Brian shrugged and gave Justin an encouraging smile.

“I’ll think about it.” Justin finally conceded.

Brian knew that was the most the young man could offer at this time. Braving the crowds at Pride would be well beyond his current comfort zone, even if he was surrounded by Brian and Emmett. Justin probably wasn’t ready to do something as huge as march in the parade, but if given the right level of motivation he could be convinced to stand on the sidelines and watch.

It was a huge step forward for the blonde, regardless of what he decided. Though Brian suspected Justin was leaning toward being an observer instead of being the only one to stay home.

#queer as folk #brian kinney #justin taylor #fanfiction #alternate universe #asexual spectrum representation

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thissugarcane · 1 year

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time travel fix-its, my best beloved

So, it’s a poorly hidden secret that I love the trope of “time travel fix it” AUs. The kind where people (usually the main pairing) travel back in time, to a specific point, and THEN the canon divergence fix-it happens. Those are *chefskiss* for me, because I love to see how different choices can make things better. Not all fixed -- things aren’t all 100% fine, and canonical plot points twist to still have negative consequences, but often less severe consequences? amazing.

And there are a bunch of time-travel fix-its in qaf, mostly (I assume anyway) stemming from thewinsomewasp’s fic “one more time” -- and they all have brian and justin going back to before the pilot.

But here’s the one I want: Justin going back in time to after prom.

Because, he can’t stop from getting bashed. He can’t prevent his disability, or Brian’s PTSD. For better or worse, that’s a constant, a fixed point, and he can’t fix it. But. He does have several more years’ worth of patience and understanding behind him. He knows Brian loves him-- loved him at prom, loved him while pretending he never came to the hospital. Loved him even as Brian shoved him away as hard as he could. loved him, loved him, loved him. But also: Justin from seven years in the future hasn’t had to deal with mean Brian in a while. It would be hard. He wouldn’t know if he had the strength to live through it again.

I just think it would be interesting to see Justin -- older, wiser, but also more tired, maybe even a lil more fragile, since he’s not used to Brian’s walls being so high -- having to deal with the veritable shitshow that is season 2.

Not to mention how he’d beg and plead with the universe to try and have Brian remember their life together. Maybe Brian remembers little pieces, maybe it feels like a far-off dream... but he doesn’t have the whole, so he’s still fighting, until something happens and then the future rushes in.

#queer as folk #qaf #britin

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winderlylandchime · 6 months

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And so that I don’t forget, he has been asking more about the cast and these are some of his latest questions about the cast that he texted me yesterday in a span of half an hour one after the other (before i could even answer one of them he changed the topic to talk about Brian meeting Brian the cat): -Are they all still friends? Please say yes or I will cry. -Do they still act? I want to see Brian act in something again. -they’re all gay, right? -was Justin actor guy actually 17?! -Do you think I could do event planning like Emmett? - Did anyone date anyone during the filming? I feel like there’s no way to not catch at least a crush doing all that. I mean i did nothing but watch and look at me. -how did people react to Brian Kinney and Justin? Were they all happy and in love like me? -Where is the dude that plays Brian now? -Do they still talk about the show today? And if not how much do i have to pay them for it because I have several questions. -What do you think are some stuff they hated doing? Or what season they hated? Come on they probably hinted! Tell me. -How were people towards them? This was 2000, so how did people act towards Brian the actor and Justin the actor? Were they nice to them? Please say yes, I don’t want to be sad or angry -have any of them been shady about the cast or the show? Come one spill! -Is Justin actor guy anywhere around still, filming stuff or anything? I wanna see -Are they all married with kids now? -do you think if I walked up to Brian actor dude and did the bend and snap like my girl Elle, that I could maybe stand a chance with him? -No, seriously where is the Brian actor guy?

And this was just yesterday. He still doesn’t know their real names because at the beginning, i was a little worried he’d google them or something while high of his pain meds and accidentally spoil himself. There was a lot more questions like 2 days ago where he asked who dated who (i think because he thinks gale is gay irl that that means randy and gale…yeah) he also wanted to know Gale’s filmography and if there’s any interviews by randy and gale because he wants to learn about them. He will be more crushed than us about the fact that both of them avoid the real world like the plague. We’re at least used to it by now.

He’s getting awfully curious about the cast! I think he’s going to have a strong reaction to learning Gale is straight. And to learning that we get like 1 proof of life photo of him a year. I think he’s going to deep dive into Randy’s podcast and be very disappointed that the only mention of QAF is crumbs. How much would he have to pay them to talk about the show together now? I mean. There are a few people here on tumblr who ask the same thing every day.

I love that he has moved beyond canon fanfiction to fully writing RPF in his head…

There’s not a ton out there but there is enough to spend a few months diving into all the bts stuff and con panels and interviews. This is going to be your life for a while…

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

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mariunnnn · 1 month

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💌✨️Send this to ten other bloggers you think are wonderful. Keep the game going✨️💌

I so appreciate having you in the QAF fandom. Your stories about watching the show as it aired as well as your stories about your life are always so interesting. Thank you so much for being you!

I'm a bit behind on this, as sometimes I ignore Messages for my own sake.

But I definitely did watch QAF as it aired with such a good group. One of those people is still my BFF. She's doing her thing and we're still close. We met via having a cat allergy via a slumber party. However, someone that she and I were close to, outside of that group reached out to me randomly (at least to me) and it inspired me to reach out to one of those in the QAF watching group.

I had known him since elementary school and he got made fun of for being small and Chinese, a minority, and ultimately for being assumed gay. He was and is, and his coming out to me in a Chili's in suburban Atlanta was a moment - I guess I always knew. But I loved him so much for telling me. Not required.

He showed up when my mom was dying. Took me out to take me away from the misery of what I was dealing with, via another person we were friends with in highschool. I will remember that meal always, as it was so kind and I truly remember feeling so blank and anxious.

FF a bit, I got my own place via dead parents and inheritance and had to get a place I could afford. He went to a college at the time and kind of shifted around, and I would drive him places and then he broke away from his negative family, thankfully. He introduced me to his group he discovered, and those two gay men were invited to our decided Sunday thing to watch QAF. My place where was where we watched. I had a TiVO and ALL the fancy cable and the intro was SO LOUD and where I lived had brick walls, high ceilings, cement floors. It would resonate. We had so much fun watching QAF live.

He even grew up a little bit more, more confident, and we all went to a Showtime sponsored event at a club here when season 4 premiered. It was fun!

I'm rambling, but reconnecting - he and his BF have a kid. A boy. I reconnected because other stuff has happened along the way - but he replied that he had thought of me recently too (I started with an email about coffee at Ansley Mall in Atlanta - google it - it's very gay), and he told me he still has U2 on his playlist and thought of me recently (google it - that's me being a very white person in the 00's).

LOVE.

I'm going to pass this on, eventually, but I wanted to share this story.

ETA: Just for honesty and clarity. He became my roommate once with my BFF. He was dealing with a lot and moved out. He took my QAF Season 2-5 DVDs. I still have season 1. And I have season one in a perfect box. But perhaps he needed them more than me. Don't doubt that I had therapy moments about it though. We cleared things up after he went away and paid me back via loan I gave him for a car.

I truly have zero judgement now. I just like that on some level he's good. And perhaps didn't throw those DVDs away. Asking him about those DVDs might be wild now. I'm not there yet, but also who cares? Maybe he watched and still watches. I'm fine.

#the sweetest thing #qaf

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hamliet · 2 years

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So, you said qaf is full of symbolism can you make some examples with some of your favourite imagery? Thank you!

Honestly I could do an episode by episode breakdown but ain't nobody got time for that (and no one would read it lol).

Scarf/Art as Life

One of the best ones that I noticed as I went through for the first time was the blood-stained scarf as Brian's life, which is tied to Justin, and also Justin's art, which is symbolic of his own life. I already wrote about those in depth here. But I do recall watching the episode and as soon as the scarf appeared, I noted that it was a symbol for Brian's life; when it ended up bloodstained, this was even more reinforced. And then, when it reappeared in the second season, I was genuinely shocked--it should have, but that is a detail that could easily have been neglected since symbolism is a lost art these days. Instead it's given its final focus after Justin and Brian make love for the first time since the incident. The art symbolism continues into the series' finale.

Sunshine

Justin is nicknamed "Sunshine" by Debbie and "sonny boy" by Brian, with of course the double meaning since "sonny" is pronounced the same as "sunny" in English. But the idea of Justin as a light appears numerous times in the story: he first meets Brian under a streetlight, and realizes that he wants to be back with Brian post break-up while again sticking his head under a lamp.

The Race

I've also written in-depth several times now about the race symbolism at the end of season 4. I love it. Also, I love how it calls back to Justin working so hard to get out of the hospital to see Brian in season 2... but Brian was always there.

Peter Pan

I've also mentioned how Michael's name is probably an allusion to Peter Pan, since Lindsay constantly calls Brian "Peter" starting from episode 1, and Brian calls Lindsay "Wendy." Of course, Peter Pan syndrome is at the core of Brian's character arc: he's gotta grow up. But it's also reinforced through other ways--for example, Brian's bratty nephews are actually named John and Peter, two other Peter Pan characters.

"Have Some Balls"

Minor thing, but during the confrontation where Justin shows Brian he wants to get back together, Brian tells him:

Oh, that is so like you! You don’t hear what you want, so you leave. Try standing up for yourself for a change? Have some balls!

Followed, of course, by a kiss. But that's season 3. Season 4 reuses this phrase by making "Have Some Balls" the literal title of the episode where Justin shows up and tells Brian off for hiding the fact that he had cancer and tells Brian to deal with him being taken care of for once. Standing up for yourself sometimes looks like accepting you need to ask for help (another theme throughout multiple seasons).

Home

Home is a motif really more so than just a symbol, but it's one of two major motifs introduced in episode one of the first season that then continues throughout all five seasons. When Brian's son is born, he tries to kick Justin out so that he can go see Gus, but Justin says "I can't go home." Because he has nowhere to go, Brian allows Justin to stay with him. Justin then quite literally ends up homeless, with Brian unwilling to commit but also not willing to throw him onto the street. But Brian in the end helps Justin find a temporary home with Deb.

In season 2, Brian tells Justin that he wants to "come home to" him every night. In season 4, Brian firstly kicks Justin out of their home because he thinks Justin will split now that he's got cancer, and then makes the big step of asking Justin to move back in, and Justin does in season 5, but it doesn't last. Why? Well, in season 5, Michael and Brian have this dialogue about Michael's suburban life with Ben:

Michael : It’s a home!

Brian: It’s a farce! It’s a freak show!

The point is that Brian mistakes a home here for a suburban life, instead of remembering where home has always been for him. Home being another person. He's Justin's home, and Justin is Brian's. When Brian finally decides to commit, he goes and... buys a home to symbolize it. But in the end, Justin doesn't want the home. He wants Brian, flaws and all.

Religion/God

I'm absolutely going to fumble this explanation because there is a lot of nuance and deeper dives needed into the nature of humanism and empathy and existentialism on the show to fully make this one clear. I just don't have time for that now, so have a messy ramble.

The second motif that's introduced in season one, episode one. For starters, Brian and Justin meet outside Babylon, a rather Biblical name. Yeah, yeah, you can associate with promiscuity and I don't doubt that's why the club is named that, but in terms of symbolism, Babylon is in the bible a place of exile, of wandering, of lamenting for... you guessed it, home. So. It's rather fitting Brian meets Justin outside of it, even if it's not intentional (it might be, though).

But anyways. The motif is then brought up when Justin tells Daphne "I just met the face of God. His name is Brian Kinney." Michael and Emmett also compare Brian to a god at various points--Michael in season 1, Emmett in season 3.

Ted later tells Emmett and Michael that:

I think God appreciates it even more. Because he created you in his image. At least that's what I was always taught. And since God is love and God doesn't make mistakes, then you must be exactly the way he wants you to be. And that goes for every person, every planet, every mountain, every grain of sand, every song, every tear... and every f****t. We're all his, Emmett. He loves us all.

The idea of "God is love" is how the show defines God, regardless of faith (though it does rely more on Christian symbolism unsurprisingly because America's literary zeitgeist is saturated with ideas of sacrifice and resurrection; to its credit, QaF largely rejects the former (but not always) and celebrates the latter). Lots of people use religion to hurt our characters (and frankly, in real life, lots of people use religion to hurt queer people). But love is something all these characters have for each other, and so there's an element of the divine in these relationships, of always finding their way back to one another, of things like forgiveness and grace and rebirth and resurrection (something Justin, Michael, and Brian all explicitly go through, with Justin and Michael's respective near death experiences and Brian's dream of himself in a casket right after he tells Justin he loves him for the first time. This symbolizes Brian finally growing and transcending his childish, petty self to an extent).

QaF is also fundamentally about humanity, and a celebration of life. There's an idea that everyone is put on this earth to love, no matter how that looks, and that's what the show ultimately upholds as its central value. Love is good. Simple, yet radical. Showing people they are loved is even better, and that's again also something associated with the divine in some ways in the show. For example, the moment where Brian tells off his highly religious, homophobic mother by saying God gave him another chance post-cancer so he can fuck every hot guy he sees, and then God actually comes through and he gets hard for the first time since his surgery (and goes to immediately find Justin). It's a funny scene, but it also could be read as having thematic depth in that Brian is given another chance to go and show Justin that he loves him.

#ask hamliet #qaf #queer as folk #britin #brian kinney #justin taylor #michael novotny #qaf us #overanalyzing is what i do #i should shut up but no #qaf meta

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ohkate · 10 months

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Gallavich

So I’m way tardy to the party, but I recently marathoned Shameless based on some of the ian/mickey gifsets I’ve seen. A few observations:

1. Mickey Milkovich was the best character on that show. I’m a little bit obsessed with him. It DOES NOT COMPUTE why he was so criminally underused. Any amount of money Noel was asking for they should have just thrown at him like a stripper. I didn’t realize what a good actor he was. The scene where he tells Ian, “Don’t” and his voice cracks, the rape his father forced on him, anytime he talked about his family... despite being so tough-guy on the surface, you could tell how much pain he was in at pretty much all times. Seeing him with Ian sometimes trying to hide letting him see the real guy underneath reminded me of when you take an abused dog into a loving home...it just shakes in the corner for a while because it’s scared and doesn’t know how to handle not being abused. Living in that house he grew up in was like living with an open festering wound that got poked regularly.

2. If they didn’t let Ian and Mickey have a happy ending I swear to god I was going to crack a chair across someone’s face. I felt physically anxious about it. I needed it to end well. In that last scene where I thought he forgot their anniversary and he didn’t...I felt this ball of anxiety I’d been holding just expecting the worst finally let go. And the speech about being afraid he wouldn’t be a good father... I just wanted to dig up Terry and resuscitate him just so I could kill him myself and watch him die again.

3. Cameron Monaghan is sort of disturbing to look at in the best way. In one scene he’ll look like a literal child and the next scene he’s a beefcake and his face looks harsh and squared up. It kind of freaks me out but he’s got a fantastic body. I feel like he grew 3 feet over the course of one season, lol. One of the hottest scenes is when he’s trying to stop Mickey and he just goes into commando mode and clothes lines him in the neck. Sometimes you forget Ian is Army/Rotc trained and then he does something super hot like that to remind us. Also when he headbutted Terry-- that was just gravy.

4. The final 3 seasons were amazing for them. I loved so much watching their progression. I loved the way Mickey was so hurt about how Ian was acting after the original proposal. Mickey is always so ‘I don’t care’ and this really hurt him. I love how they kept reminding us of Mickey’s true self in these little moments. He plays the stereotypical tough guy so much and then suddenly there’s a moment where he’s clearly affected by something and Ian comes in to just hold him or calm him.

5. I’m pretty convinced the whole wedding arc was done entirely just to appease the fans because it was so funny seeing Mickey go bridezilla and it was also sweet and yet another reminder of how much more sensitive he is than he ever wanted to show. But with Ian he could. He felt safe enough to. Not always, but a lot.

6.They really needed to work a bit more on their kissing scenes, lol. Maybe i’ve just been really spoiled by Brian and Justin from QAF as Gale Harold and Randy Harrison’s kissing game goes unmatched to this day. But good lord you can tell these were 2 straight dudes trying to get through it.

Love the ship and I’ve been watching lots of music vids and I’m really glad I decided to check it out.

#gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #mickey is my deviant soulmate #noel fisher #is a pretty amazing actor

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sophsun1 · 1 year

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S1 finale 😭😭😭😭

Hey!

*hands you a lifetime supply of tissues*

There's not enough crying emojis in the world to prepare you for that finale. Seriously just say the words S1 finale to any diehard qaf fan and especially britin fan and they will feel your pain and know exactly what you mean lmao.

This episode owns me it's one of my personal favourites from the show it's so heartbreaking yet beautiful at the same time. The mere mention of it and I'm thinking of the soundtrack and that scene with Brian in the hospital waiting room 🤧🤧🤧

All I can say is prepare yourself for Season 2 it has some of the best content for britin fans if you're one of them - angst is thy name hehehe. But also for all the characters individually in general. I'm living vicariously through your rewatch!

#britin #queer as folk #soph asks #the power of prom is unparalleled #the greatest episode in television history

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chaos0pikachu · 7 months

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because you've mentioned it a couple of times i wanted to ask if you would recommend Queer as Folk?

Short answer, no. lol

I watched QAF when I was way to young (like a young teenager) to be watching QAF but gay shit was really hard to come by back in the early 00's which is why queer folks like me turned to BL/GL in the first place. Like, jesus fuck Gravitation is a shitty story but that's all we had ya know?

I think QAF was a product of it's time like Brian is a creep and mistreats Justin pretty badly all things considered as a dumb teenager I was so sad they didn't end up together but as an adult I'm like oh thank god Justin leaving made sense for the narrative and was what was best for him actually. The show is outright afraid of the concept of bisexuality, and has no real concept of poly or open relationships. It's also really freaking white.

I do think it deserves it's place in the conversation about American queer media though, it tackles a lot of relevant problems, it allowed gay men and women on TV to be complicated, messy, and flawed characters. Yes the lesbians also get to be messy on this show! It was also one of the few shows that, at the time, openly and unashamedly depicted sexual intimacy with queer characters. Safe sex, unsafe sex, discussion of AIDS and HIV, sex work, kink, monogamy vs non-monogamy and other topics I'm probably forgetting about.

It showcased the weight of discrimination, hate crimes, gay bashing, along side the joys of pride and drag culture, and the innate joy of being queer.

It was very genuinely a drama with gay characters, highs and lows and mess and flaws. It's not a romance, it's a drama first and foremost. I don't think it's for everyone, I don't think I'd like it much if I watched it again as an older adult tbh b/c the Brian/Justin relationship would make me uncomfortable.

I would read up one the show, and then decide for yourself if it'd be something you'd be interested in picking up. It's like 5 seasons, seasons 1 and 2 have about 20 episodes, while seasons 3 - 5 have 14 episodes each and all episodes clock at an hour long.

When I mention QAF in comparison to Only Friends I mean more of the aesthetic, tone, concept and overall vibe of the shows or at least what Only Friends was originally sold as anyway.

#chaos pikachu speaks

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slayerchick303 · 1 year

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Brian: *worships Ayn Rand*

Also Brian: I want to give Justin $5,000 so he can stop working.

This is the only kind of hypocrisy I like.

#ayn rand is stupid #britin in early season 2 was my favorite #britin #queer as folk 2000 #queer as folk us #queer as folk #qaf us #qaf #justin x brian #brian x justin #brian kinney #justin taylor #gale harold #randy harrison

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no-literally · 1 year

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hii i know Ive commented this on one of your posts but I just now discovered this function so may I ask where do you get the qaf uk scripts? 🥺 thanks

They published the first season's scripts! You can probably find a copy on thriftbooks or even maybe for free online on archive.org. (Look for Queer As Folk: The Scripts) I would give almost anything for the season 2 scripts, too.

#queer as folk uk #qaf uk

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thevioletjones · 1 year

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TAG GAME WEDNESDAY: FANDOM EDITION

Thank you for the tag again, @mzshko

---

your name: Jen

your age: just turned 40 😭

your first fandom(s): Queer as Folk

your current fandom(s): Shameless

how did you first get into fandom? Stumbled upon the Television Without Pity QAF boards when that show first started, which led to a fic archive called Across the Pond. I'd never known about fanfiction before that.

how long have you been engaging with fandom spaces? Since I was 17.

how often do you read fanfics? Not that much anymore, tbh. It's hard to find new stuff I really connect with and don't lose interest in partway through. Sometimes I reread old faves. A few times a month, tops.

top 3 characters from your current fandom(s): Ian, Mickey, and Mandy.

have you ever written a fic for a fandom? if so, shout it out! Both fandoms I already mentioned.

have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? No.

share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: I don't think Ian and Mickey are traditional people. I don't think they would've gotten married, at least so young. And I don't think they would've done a lot of stuff they did in canon post-S5. One of my biggest peeves is Mickey now forever being pegged for a fucking Bon Jovi fan. 🤮 Not in my house, dipshit boomer writing motherfuckers!!!

you’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? The sequence where Mickey comes out at the Alibi, which spills chaos into the streets, and screaming about loving Ian's dick. Trés classique.

and finally, what does fandom mean to you? I mean, in terms of fanfic level fandom, I've only gotten into it for shows where I didn't enjoy the writing very much. I needed people, including myself, to do better things with great characters and pairings. Neither of these 2 fandoms are favorite shows of mine for one reason: subpar writing. So I felt like it needed to be fixed. I was hugely into Lost message boards when that show was airing, but I loved the writing, so it was all about theorizing and guessing what was going on week to week and season to season. I also used to be on a lot of pop culture sites where I could just talk about media and music, mainly the AV Club, but that all got blown up by a corporate sellout and it coincided with me finding Ian/Mickey. When I've dabbled in looking for fic for shows I enjoy more, it just doesn't cut it. Super weird that way. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tagging the one and only @andthatisnotfake!

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madsworld15 · 2 months

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Heal Me, Hold Me, Make Me, Know Me Chapter 3 Part 2: June

QAF, Brian x Justin, Asexual Spectrum Representation, Season 2 re-telling. Part 2: 3k words

As always, thank you @winderlylandchime and @maryp50 for your support.

“What is your problem?!” Brian tried his best to keep himself from exploding.

“Nothing, I just think it’s weird how we are all bending over backward to make sure he’s comfortable.” Michael didn’t care about yelling. “When I broke up with David, no one batted an eye. No one cared!”

“This is why you’re upset? We didn’t hug you and say, Poor Mikey, his relationship fell apart?” Brian shook his head and left the table. He went to Debbie’s backyard so that he could have a smoke.

A few seconds later, Michael followed him.

“You don’t get to just walk away!” Mikey yelled at him, his perturbed facial expression on the verge of being comical.

“I wasn’t invested in your pity party. You’re comparing apples to oranges, Mikey. A breakup sucks but is nowhere near on the same level as nearly dying!” Brian glared at his best friend.

“I’m your best friend. It’s always supposed to be me and you against the world.”

“You left first. In case you forgot, once you started seeing Dr. David, he felt threatened by me, so he convinced you to stop hanging out with us!”

“He wasn’t threatened! And besides, that's not the same thing.” Mikey stomped his foot and clenched his fists.

Brian shook his head, took a drag from his cigarette, and laughed. “How is your relationship different from me looking after Justin?”

Michael stood there thinking for a moment. Brian knew he would have to say something he dreaded in order to prove his point.

“You don’t get it, Mikey. I’m in a relationship with Justin. I care about him. And in case you forgot, you stood there and watched while those guys beat the shit out of him. He almost died.” Brian took another long drag from his cigarette. “So excuse me if I’m not scrambling to stroke your ego about your failed relationship with the good doctor.”

Brian half expected Michael to walk off in a huff bent on complaining to his mother. Instead, he stepped even closer to Brian and started yelling at the top of his lungs.

“YOU WANT TO BLAME ME FOR WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THEY ATTACKED?!”

“FUCK YOU MIKEY!” Brian put all his energy into not succumbing to the guilt Michael was trying to stir up. “I’M THE ONE WHO GRABBED AND PUSHED THEM OFF OF HIM. IT’S BECAUSE OF ME THE AMBULANCE WAS CALLED!”

Brian dropped his cigarette at that point and calmed down slightly to try and get the upper hand in the argument. “You have never liked him. You have always been jealous of him, and it got in the way of you actually being the kind person I know you are.”

“I’m not fucking jealous. I just don’t like the person he’s changing you into. The Brian Kinney I know doesn’t do relationships. He sucks and fucks and doesn’t give his heart to anyone.” Mikey calmed down slightly, too, but Brian knew something bigger was coming.

“People change, Mikey. They grow up.” Brian sighed.

“That’s a laugh. The poster boy for childishness and immaturity telling me how people change. Well, don’t kid yourself. You’re incapable of change.”

“YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT MATURITY? YOU LET YOUR JEALOUSY GET IN THE WAY OF HELPING JUSTIN THAT NIGHT! YOU FUCKING FROZE MIKEY!” Brian knew he was reacting a bit dramatically, but it was either this or punch Michael in the face.

“You’re right. I froze up. But you’re putting the blame on me when it’s not even my place to look out for him. You’re only with him right now out of the guilt you feel.” Brian watched as Michael walked away toward the house, passing Justin as he went.

Brian pulled out a second cigarette and lit it up. His chest felt tight, and he could hardly breathe; not exactly the best time to be smoking, but he needed to let out some of his frustration, or else he risked saying the wrong thing to Justin. The blonde inched closer to him and put his hand out, silently asking for a drag, too. Brian acquiesced, extending his hand out to Justin’s.

“Is that why I’m here?” Justin’s voice finally came, smaller than Brian could have ever imagined.

“Mikey’s just jealous.” It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the answer Justin was looking for, and Brian knew it. He still didn’t have his head on straight, and so that was all he could offer.

Brian blew out some smoke, handed the rest of the cigarette to Justin, and walked back into the house. He knew he was fucking everything up big time, but he couldn’t stop himself from doing it. Justin’s security was something that meant the world to Brian, but right now, he is extremely hurt by the actions of his best friend. Having been raised by two verbally cruel alcoholics, Brian was used to hurtful words, but in the almost two decades that he’d known Michael, they’d never once come from him until now. Tears stung at the back of Brian’s eyes, but he couldn’t let them fall.

He walked into the kitchen and pulled Debbie aside. She looked him up and down, confused. Michael was nowhere to be seen, which was just as well. Brian couldn’t handle seeing him right now.

“Could Justin stay here tonight?” Brian choked on his words, but he knew it was best for both of them. “I just…I need some space.”

Debbie, bless her heart, didn’t question him for a single moment. Instead, she wrapped him in her arms and whispered. “Don’t you dare believe a word my ungrateful son said to you. Go get your head on straight. I’ll look after Sunshine.” Then she planted a kiss on his cheek, and that was that.

Justin POV

Justin finished up Brian’s cigarette. Not because he still wanted it but because he could tell Brian needed time to make his escape without any attention. Justin figured Brian needed a few minutes to cool off, and then they would go back to his loft for the night, calling the festivities a wash.

What he didn’t expect when he walked back into Debbie’s kitchen was to see her and Vic sitting around the table and Brian nowhere to be found. Justin couldn’t even hear him in another corner of the home. He looked around, confused. Mel and Lindsay must’ve left, too, because they and the baby were also gone. Emmett was still lingering in the front room, but with his coat on, he appeared to be on his way out with Ted.

Vic cleared his throat, capturing Justin’s attention. He barely knew the older man but could already tell he had a good, kind soul.

“Why don’t you sit and have some dessert? It’s chocolate cream pie.” Vic pushed a small plate with a hefty slice toward the spot at the table closest to Justin.

He took a deep breath and plopped down.

“Brian asked if you could stay here tonight.” Debbie finally said, her voice taking on that motherly tone Justin had always been able to trust.

After placing a bite in his mouth, he chewed and looked between the brother and sister. His heart fell. Ever since Michael had said what he did, he’d been hanging onto a faint hope that the man was wrong and Brian was just a terrible communicator.

“So, Michael was right,” Justin stated once he’d swallowed his bite. He sniffed and coughed to will his emotions not to make themselves known.

“No,” Vic responded fervently. “My nephew…” He started and then stopped as if he wasn’t sure how exactly to say what needed to be said.

“I don’t know how much you know about Brian, but you have to understand that he was raised in a home where words of cruelty and malice were used to communicate. Brian never learned how to express his emotions properly. So, he shut that part of himself down a very long time ago. Usually, when something gets under his walls, he bites back using words of hurt and pain. But he doesn’t want to do that to you.” Vic finally managed.

Not really knowing who Vic was or where he was coming from, Justin had a very hard time believing him. “How could you possibly know that?”

“I have seen Brian be short-sighted and sharp to men who expect more than a one-time ride with him. His words could cut down even the strongest-willed person.” Vic gave Justin a small smile before he continued. “But, tonight, Michael said what he said to Brian, and instead of lashing out at anyone, Brian went home.”

“But not before making sure you were looked after,” Debbie muttered quietly.

“He might not be able to say it or even admit it, but Brian cares about you.” Vic continued. “He never lets anyone stay the night, much less live with him.”

Justin sat there, quietly contemplating what Vic had just said and eating the rest of his pie. The kitchen fell silent, but it wasn’t a cold silence; it was comforting. In fact, Justin kind of felt like he was back in his own mom’s kitchen while she cooked dinner and he drew a picture. It was a nice thought, but soon enough, it broke his heart.

“What is he still doing here?” Michael announced his presence.

Justin looked up in time to see Debbie stand up, wagging a finger at her grown son.

“Michael Charles Novotny! I think you’ve done more than enough this evening. Go home!”

Michael started to protest, but then, with one look from Debbie, he turned around and walked out the front door.

“So,” Debbie turned to Justin and gave him a smile. “How are your hand exercises coming along? Gonna come back to the diner soon?”

“My hand exercises?” Justin looked confused from Vic to Debbie and back. “You guys know about that?”

“Brian talks.” Vic shrugged and grabbed all the plates to take them to the sink.

“He does?” Justin felt like he was learning more and more about the man he was sharing a living arrangement with than he ever imagined there was to learn.

“To Emmett.” Debbie clarified with a swat at her brother as he walked past her. “And then Emmett titters on about it all to us.”

Justin grinned at his lap with a chuckle. “Okay, that makes much more sense.”

“Em said you were struggling with seeing the purpose of doing them.” Vic sat back down at the table.

Justin looked at him, really looked at him. At that moment, he saw a man who understood. A man who would never say it out loud but could see his perspective and frustration.

“You know, when I first got sick, like really sick, I had to quit my job as a chef in New York City. It was terrifying times, and my boss wasn’t willing to see reason, let alone have compassion for my needs.” Vic started, his voice even and soft.

“I needed work in order to afford my medical bills, but I could hardly stand up some days because my whole body was at war with itself.” He continued.

“I would send him as much money as I could at first,” Debbie spoke up.

Justin hung onto their every word. He’d heard all about AIDS and HIV from science class and the after-school queer group he went to in secret a few years ago. But he’d never experienced someone who lived with it. Justin wanted to learn everything he could from Vic.

“For a while, I managed to make things work, but then I got so sick I couldn’t afford to live on my own anymore. So, I moved back home, and here I am. It’s hard having to give up your autonomy for something you never asked for. So, fight like hell to get it back.”

“Vic’s never backed down from his fight. He was on death’s doorstep not two years ago. Look at him now! He’s baking again, and pretty soon, he’ll be working, too. Just you wait and see.” Debbie cupped Vic’s cheek and gave him a warm, loving smile.

“Thanks, sis.” Vic returned the smile. “Justin, don’t give up. Where there’s a will, there is always a way. Even if it’s not the same way as before.”

Vic gave him a wink and added, “Besides, you’re much too beautiful to hide yourself away forever.”

Justin ducked his head with a blush and smiled at his lap.

Brian POV

Brian walked into the backroom at Babylon, looking for his prey for the evening. He needed someone that would allow him to be unrelenting and rough. He was angry at Michael, but more importantly, he was angry at himself.

Justin had somehow gotten in under his walls, and it terrified Brian. While Michael rarely ever fought back whenever Brian used him as an emotional release valve. This time had been different, and they both knew it.

Brian looked around and found his prey. He was a scrawny man, similar in build to Emmett but shorter. The twink had bright eyes and an enthusiasm that told Brian he would be willing to do just about anything Brian asked. Brian smirked as he bracketed the guy with his arms.

“Hey,” Brian nodded at him. “You look like you’re here for a good time.”

Mr. Bright Eyes nodded way more times than was necessary. Brian shook his head and flipped him around so that he faced the wall. Without much more spoken between them, Brian whipped out a condom and his dick and penetrated Mr. Bright Eyes.

A few hours later, Brian stumbled his way into his loft after paying the cab driver more than enough for the ride, having left his Jeep parked on the street near Babylon. He dropped his keys no less than five times as he tried to unlock the door. If Justin had been home, Brian was sure he would’ve woken him up with how loud and uncoordinated he was being. For a fleeting second, Brian considered he might have a drinking problem, but then, much like every other thought after his fifth shot of whiskey, it fizzled and disappeared.

Brian stopped at his desk, where he spotted the picture of him and Michael about a decade before, having just gone to Babylon for the first time. There was a gentle innocence to how they smiled together, sucking on milkshakes at the Liberty Diner. Fuck, they were practically kids there.

Brian snorted and then lobbed the frame toward his door. It hit the metal with a resounding thunk and fell to the floor, where the glass in it shattered. A crack now sat over the top of their faces.

Much like our friendship. Cracked and broken. Probably never to be repaired.

Brian crossed to his answering machine where there was a flashing 2 beckoning to him. His brain was extremely fuzzy, so he was sure none of what these messages said would stick, but he played them nonetheless.

The first one was from Michael.

Brian. I know you went home. Jesus, are we really never going to talk again? You’re just pissed because I’m being honest with you, and you don’t like it. Justin is changing you. You're forgetting who you are and what makes you happy. You meet this blonde twink, and all of a sudden, it’s adopt-a-trick, and you’ve stopped fucking everything that moves. We’ve been friends since we were kids. Are you really going to end all that for some trick who won’t even let you fuck him?

Brian ended the message and immediately deleted it. The next one was much more pleasant. It was from Justin.

Good night, Brian. I know our arrangement is that I sleep on the bed, and you sleep on the couch. Tonight you can sleep on the bed, it is yours after all. Anyway, Vic and Debbie told me I shouldn’t worry that you were just overwhelmed by everything and needed some time. I get that. I get so overwhelmed sometimes my hand starts to shake and I can’t get it to stop. Anyway, please sleep. You need it.

Brian couldn’t stop the grin that formed on his lips. It was just after 10 pm, and had only left Debbie’s a few hours prior, but he already missed Justin’s incessant talking. Even when Brian wasn’t listening to him, the younger man would go on and on about whatever topic of conversation interested him at that moment.

Before Justin moved in, Brian never would’ve guessed that he’d actually crave the presence of someone else in his loft. There was so much about Justin that didn’t make sense to Brian. And yet, he couldn’t get enough. The thought of coming home to Justin every day got him through some of the worst client interactions he could imagine. For the first time in Brian’s life, he knew what it was like to have someone actually interested in what he had to say and cared how he felt.

Brian decided it wasn’t too late to call Justin back. Debbie’s house was open at all hours for any of her boys. After two rings, Debbie answered and then called Justin to pick up the line.

“Hello.” Justin’s voice came through the speaker. Brian felt his drunkenness melt away and his brain clear.

“I just wanted to call you back to wish you a good night.” Brian sucked his lips in over his teeth, “And to see if you were okay.”

Brian knew he should apologize, but that wasn’t something he did. Apologies were useless.

“Yeah. I’m okay. Vic fed me some chocolate pie, which always makes everything better.” Justin chuckled softly.

“Yeah, Vic’s desserts are pretty great.” Brian agreed, his smile stretching as he lay down on the bed on Justin’s side.

“How would you know? In all the time I’ve known you, I’ve never once seen you eat anything remotely unhealthy.” Justin’s tone was playful, and Brian found himself wishing he was in the loft with him.

“Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it never happens.” Brian stretched, putting his arm behind his head. “Besides, I’ve known Vic most of my life. I used to live on nothing but sugar and blow jobs when I was a teenager.”

“Sure you did.” Justin shot back, not believing a word Brian uttered.

“Ask him if you don’t believe me.” Brian loved how easy it was to talk to Justin and how much fun he had doing it.

“Maybe,” Justin paused to yawn. “Maybe I will. I think I’m going to stay here while you’re in Chicago. I’ll have Debbie bring me by the loft in the morning for some clothes.”

“Okay.” Brian didn’t say it out loud, but he was relieved Justin chose to stay with someone. Based on Justin’s final words he knew that Justin heard him loud and clear, regardless.

“You don’t have to worry now.” Justin yawned again. “Anyway, good night. Best of luck in Chicago.”

#queer as folk #brian kinney #justin taylor #fanfiction #alternate universe #asexual spectrum representation

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