#posting this out of lowkey guilt for taking so long with the next update HAHA

[paimonial-rage]

of hopes and prayers - zhongli

ship: zhongli x reader

synopsis: in which alcohol brings about a moment of vulnerability

notes: a short deleted scene of bookkeeping!verse that takes place immediately after but it’s better than drinking alone with references to blasphemous assumptions

"You know,” you began as you walked to your homes, “I'm not sure if you heard that day, but one time I told Meng and the Ferrylady that Rex Lapis would never sit alone listening to tales of his life. After thinking about it more, I think I was a bit shortsighted to say that."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"They say that Liyue is 3,700 years old, but Rex Lapis is even older than that. He's one of the oldest gods in all of Teyvat. How many people do you think he's outlived? How many friends had he said goodbye to throughout his life? It wasn't as if he could leave either. He was the Geo archon. It was his duty to watch over Liyue, its people, the adepti... Being forced to see people come and go... I can't help but imagine how lonely of an existence that must have been. Dealing with that, maybe it would be easier to just reminisce alone. That way it would hurt less when they leave... at least, that's what I imagine.”

He chuckled.

“Did you perhaps come to that conclusion after our conversation this evening?”

You shook your head, “No, but I can’t say you didn’t play a part in it. Thinking about it makes me think… makes me hope…”

You bit your lip, lapsing into silence. There was a reason you brought this up. You had more to say, but… You cursed as you felt tears begin to gather at the corners of your eyes. You blamed it on the alcohol. Really, you shouldn’t be getting so emotional over such a childish thought, but with the moon shining beautifully in the sky and crickets chirping around you, honesty found itself coaxed to your lips.

“It makes me hope that he wasn’t alone. That he had someone at his side that he could talk to, not out of duty or respect, but as a friend. That someone was there for him on beautiful nights like this.”

You hated the way your voice wavered, unintentionally letting frustration weave its way between your words. It was stupid thought, a foolish thought of a naive mortal. It probably was an insult to project such immature emotions onto beings like the gods. And yet the more you thought about it, the more sorrow weighed at your heart. You felt a tear slip down your cheek.

“I would think so,” he replied.

It was such a simple statement from your companion, and yet as his shared sentiments sunk in, more tears began to flow. It was embarrassing, it was frustrating, you wanted to die. His words really shouldn’t have meant as much as they did. He was supposedly a mere mortal like you, but… The relief that filled your chest was almost impossible to bear. All you could do was cry.

A chuckle came as a finger brushed your tears away. You could barely hold his gaze for a second before you looked away in embarrassment. You felt your face begin to flush and your heart begin to beat. Did he really have to look at you like that? With amusement? With an undeniable warmth that turned his amber eyes positively molten?

“I’m sure he was very thankful for them too.”

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #my writing #zhongli #zhongli x reader #posting this out of lowkey guilt for taking so long with the next update HAHA #i wrote this a while ago as a fun indulgent writing exercise #i am still unsure if i want to make this scene canon to bookkeeping!verse #as of right now it’ll remain as a deleted scene #bookkeeping!verse

[rosesradio]

random number spam: 2, 3, 18, 14, 12, 16,

thank you !! gonna put these numbers in order bc it'll bother me otherwise lol

2.) What fanfic do you wish you got more response on?

can i say all of them? 😭 i'm a shameless attention whore at this point. but no i'd probably say my most recent one, camp triple pine. it's gotten loads of attention and i'm super grateful (not to sound spoiled because i've gotten some amazing gifts but i'd love fanart, if that counts as a response...this isn't a guilt tactic though, because once when i was in the s*nders s*des fandom on wattpad i said i wanted fanart lowkey and someone called me manipulative and blocked me :') but that's a whole other thing entirely. i used to get so much attention for my tss fics back in the day i didn't want to leave...now i'm rambling--)

3.) What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

oh there's so many !! i'm gonna do a writer's update post once i finish ctp but i have a lot of ideas. one’s 10k for byler, one’s a one shot for caswen, i have a few gifts for friends i wanna catch up on, etc...

to give an idea i’ve mentioned here and there, my next long-term lawrusso fic i wanna do is a 90s lawrusso merman au. johnny’s staying with bobby at the brown family beach house and he meets daniel, a merman who he helps sort-of turn human after he “saves” daniel from drowning. he then shows daniel about what it’s like being human, daniel tries ice cream, explores the santa monica pier, tries human mating several times, and i plan for it to be super cute and fun ! plus it’s got the jessica/bobby/ali thruple together at the start bc i will force it into every lawrusso fic until people like it :-)

(p.s. if anyone steals any of my ideas you will meet your end by my hand <3)

12.) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i definitely read all the comments i get many times :’) but i do try to respond to a lot of comments, but sometimes i get busy, and honestly the comments leave me so flustered because i feel undeserving of them, that by the time i get to them i feel like it’s been a while and it’s weird. who and what i respond to is pretty random, though i do respond to more in-depth comments, and not to just one sentence comments (but i appreciate all comments, you don’t have to write a novel but just knowing you were there is really cool !)

14.) Have you ever co-written a fic?

haha, uh...no. i’ve made plans with friends and authors i admire, but i mostly work alone. the closest i ever got was working with the most popular author in the s*nders s*des fandom on a welcome to night vale au (guess what year that was lol). we had a google doc and everything but scheduling and everything didn’t work out. i have bounced around ideas though without actually writing them into fic so if anyone wants to do that i’m happy to help !

16.) How long is your longest fic?

according to ao3, 97,252 words ! damn, i should have gotten to 100k, but i tell people 100k usually. it’s a s*nders s*des (i censor for tags not bc i hate the fandom or anything, i’m just not in it anymore...it’s embarrassing how most of my fics are for this fandom but i pretty much wrote exclusively for it for 5 years--) anyways it’s a s*nders s*des selection (bachelor) au where i condensed three books into one longfic. i believe it’s also one of my most popular books on my wattpad besides my one shots book for the same fandom. it’s got a playlist and fanart and everything...i wrote it during the driver’s ed period of sophomore year bc they never let me drive lol...good times...

18.) Recommend someone else fic! (And tag them if they have a tumblr!)

i rarely read fic, but take my most recent read, Everything Beautiful’s Fiction by narcissablaxk (i don’t know their tumblr but they’ve written a lot of fics so i’m sure someone around here does). i had a craving for ruben/chris (bc it’s adjacent to 90s lawrusso) and this filled just that ! it was hurt/comfort-y and overall a pretty good read !

i think that’s it, thanks for the ask, and i’m not sorry i rambled bc this was fun ! <3

#what do i even tag this #rose's asks #lawrusso #my dark and sexy past? lol