#pls don't judge too hard akdlkasdjfklasdjkl

[organized-chaotic-disaster]

@jambudweek Day 2: Singing and/or Humanity 

A Private Performance

Steven’s therapist suggests he turns to music as an emotional outlet after seeing the video of him performing “Never Giving Up.” Unfortunately, he has a difficult time in doing so, until Connie shows up.

Word count: 1,623

Post-SUF

(A little late into the day, I know! Honestly didn’t know if I was gonna finish this on time in the first place, let alone post it. It’s the first fanfic I’ve written in a few years, so please keep that in mind. It was fun, though! I hope you enjoy!)

(If you want to see more writing content from me, either snippets from my original work, or possibly more fanfiction, feel free to visit my writing twitter!)

“Hey! So, uh… my name is Steven Universe! Ah, you already know that, obviously… uhhhhh… sorry I haven’t really uploaded in a few years. My life got pretty crazy a couple years back and—uhhhhh… I just didn’t have the time to. Ah. Make more videos. Or anything. But! Ah… w-well, my therapist told me I should write a song about my feelings, you know, use it as an outlet? She saw my video from a few years ago, where I played that one song I wrote… I-I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and, uhhhh, she said it would be really healthy for me to—NO! This is too weird! I can’t do it!” Steven groaned in frustration, hands covering his face. Why had he let her see that video? He should’ve known she would suggest something like this…

“Steven?”

“Connie? Aw, jeez, what time is it?”

“11:30?” Connie walked into the house, one eyebrow raised. “That is when we agreed to meet up for lunch, after all.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I just… lost track of time, I guess.”

Connie glanced at the camera pointed at Steven, then turned back to face him. “Are you… recording a video?”

“Yeah,” Steven said, blood rushing to his cheeks. He rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed to be caught trying, and failing, to film for the first time in years. “My therapist said I should try using music as an outlet again, so I wrote a song, and I was going to record it and everything, but it just… feels so weird, you know?”

“How do you mean?”

Steven crossed his arms and looked to the floor, feeling awkward with Connie’s probing questions and determination to not break eye contact. “I mean, I haven’t uploaded in years, and the first thing I do is dump all my feelings? I mean, sure, nobody knows the context, which in a way is kind of nice, it keeps some of it private, but also… isn’t it all weirdly personal?”

“Don’t musical artists tend to get all weirdly personal… literally all the time?”

“Yeah, but they’re used to having no privacy. I mean, that’s kind of their entire life, Connie.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Connie raised her hands in defense, shaking her head. “No need to get defensive, Steven. I’m not attacking you; I’m just trying to help you out.”

Steven sighed ashamedly. “I know, I’m sorry. It just feels like… I don’t know, I feel like I’m telling the whole world all my most personal feelings. Isn’t it fair to be at least a little intimidated by that?”

“I mean, yeah, of course it is. But isn’t that the whole point?”

“Huh?”

“Well,” Connie said, “one of the biggest issues you’ve had is being open about your feelings, right? Maybe this is your therapist’s way of helping you get more comfortable with it.”

“I mean, maybe…” Steven said, his tone unsure, though his mind was making the connections. “But it’s still a bit much, don’t you think? Showing this to the whole world and all, that is.”

“Sure, it seems like a lot, but this isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s normal to be scared, Steven.”

Steven was about to respond with some sort of sarcastic or moody remark but stopped himself. She was right, after all. But something still stopped him. Just because he knew it was supposed to be scary didn’t change the fact that he had so many butterflies fluttering around in his stomach that he wanted to throw up. Sure, he knew full well that he was supposed to be facing his demons or whatever, but facing the monster within yourself was a completely different story from facing the monsters within others, literal or metaphorical.

“… Steven?”

Right, Connie was still there and expecting a response. What could he say?

Sighing, Steven resigned himself to just telling her the only thing he did know: “… knowing it’s supposed to be scary doesn’t make it any easier.”

Connie’s face had a soft expression, one of kindness and understanding. She pondered his statement for a moment, eyebrows wrinkling in thought, before finally saying, “if it makes it any easier… maybe you could sing just to me?” Realizing the intimacy of what she’d just suggested, her face became flushed and she looked to the floor. “Only if you’re comfortable with it, of course! I just thought that focusing on one person—”

“That… might actually help.” Steven said.

Even though she was the one who had the idea in the first place, Connie looked surprised. “A-are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Steven shrugged. “I wanted to share this with someone, but immediately sharing it with the whole world might be a bit… too much. I think that sharing it with you would be okay, though. Baby steps, right?”

“Oh,” Connie’s shoulders relaxed and the colour in her face returned to normal. “If it helps, then I’ll just… sit right here?” She made her way to the couch and took a seat, brushing off her skirt while she did so.

“Yeah, that’s perfect!” Steven readied himself again, ensuring his guitar was tuned properly and putting his fingers in the right places. His hands still shook ever so slightly, but having her there made it easier. He already felt like some of the butterflies had peacefully left his stomach, easing his nerves. He found that he could even put on his cheery persona again, if with some effort. “Now, without further ado, here’s Being Human!”

His fingers began to dance on the guitar strings, perfectly hitting every note after all the hours it took to write them just right. He was grateful for the song’s somewhat lengthy intro because his throat was still tight with anxiety, even if he was only singing to Connie. He tried breathing deeply, just like his therapist had taught him to, before finally beginning to sing.

“Just a little time,” he sang. “Just a little something else instead.” He looked up to see Connie’s fingers tapping along to the music. “Just a little time.” The thought of Connie enjoying the song gave him a light feeling that bloomed in his chest, encouraging his song. “Just a little something up ahead I’m dreaming of.” He closed his eyes and tilted his head down, absorbing himself more into the music. “Being… being… human…”

He continued to play, glancing at Connie every now and then to gauge her reaction. All seemed to be going well; her fingers continued tapping, and she even bounced her knee to the beat at one point, until she noticed him looking. As for Steven, he poured his entire heart and soul into his performance (as one always should), and by the end of it, tears pricked his eyes. When his fingers strummed the last chord, he noticed that he felt much lighter than he had for a long while. He did another mental check of his insides, in which there was no butterflies to be found. Well, except for one…

Connie was clapping, exclaiming “Steven, that was great!”

… and that last butterfly was gone.

“You really think so?” Blood rushed to Steven’s cheeks again, this time not in embarrassment, but in flattery.

“Yeah! I mean, I know that it doesn’t matter how good it is, that’s not the point, but it really was a great song.”

Before Steven could process what was happening, Connie rushed over and hugged him with all her strength. His face became hot from the surprise and the joy it brought him. His arms rose to wrap around her, never wanting to let go. He closed his eyes, savouring the moment, but realized he’d seen something he shouldn’t have seen before he’d done so. Slowly, he peeled his eyes open, praying it wasn’t true, but…

“… aw, jeez, I was still recording.”

“Huh?” Connie said, confused, before she turned her gaze to where he was looking. Surely enough, the red button that indicated the camera was recording was on.

“Argh, I’m such an idiot! I’m sorry, I should’ve—” Steven cut himself short, because Connie was… laughing? “Hey, are you laughing at me!?”

“No, no!” Connie stopped, but it was clear she was struggling, as she kept supressing snorts and chuckles. Before long, her composure broke, and she burst out laughing yet again. “Okay, you’ve gotta admit it’s a little funny.”

“What is?”

“Just the fact that you were all anxious to record yourself singing the song and didn’t even realize your camera was still on when you eventually did manage to do it under the guise that it was a private performance.”

“… okay, you got me there. I’m not keeping it, though!”

“Oh, come on!” Connie pleaded. “Can I just have it, then?”

“Why do you want it? I’ll probably just record it again and post it anyway.”

“Sure, but…” Connie paused for a beat, finding her words. “That’s the first time you ever performed that song for someone else! It’s special, I wanna keep it!” When Steven didn’t respond, she persisted. “Pleeeeaaaase?”

“Fine,” Steven said, before immediately adding, “only if you buy my lunch!”

“Okay,” Connie rolled her eyes. “A small price to pay for a rare recording of Steven Universe performing his latest hit!”

“Yeah, whatever, you dork,” Steven said. He had a playful glint in his eye, realizing he could take advantage of her newfound victory. “I’ll race you to the dondai!”

“Wha—Hey!” Connie cried when Steven pushed her off, getting his completely unfair head start.

Naturally, after their debate over ownership of the tape, the couple had forgotten to turn the camera off, leaving its battery to die after recording hours of literally nothing but a forgotten warp pad and guitar.

#jamweek #connverse #su #steven universe #suf #steven universe future #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #idk man... does it count for both? or even either at all?? lajklsdjflksdjaklfsaldfsak #look I just had this idea already and saw this prompt and was like #ah yes... perfect #BUT I struggle more with fanfic than my original ideas tbh so #pls don't judge too hard akdlkasdjfklasdjkl #this was honestly just for fun and bc I wanted it to exist l o l #also sorry for plugging my twitter... just wanna get the word out there |D