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#please. please dont fuck us over. please dear lord PLAY THE OBJECTIVE
bleuberrygliscor · 4 years
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Alot of people are misunderstanding and misrepresenting the “vote for biden” pleas, so allow me to break it down really easily with one of my personal favorite pastimes, Splatoon.
If you’ve never played, Splatoon is a game where you basically want to cover an entire map with your ink color in 4 v 4 groups. For the sake of ease, I am using the most evenly square map i can think of, Kelp Dome. (all of the splatoon maps are super even and symmetrical,  Kelp Dome is just the first square and flat map i can think of.)
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The way this works is, You and your team of 3 other people are assigned a color. and you want that color to hold the majority of the map, or else you lose. You dont want purple to win, they are the opposing team. Your objective is to make sure team purple does not win. So you pick up your splattershot and get to inking.
Assuming everyone is using the same weapon and are decently good at the game, you would come out with something like this.
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In practice it wouldnt be this clear cut(and judd would arbitrarily assign a winner at random), but hear me out. That is what a map looks like when everyone on your team works together to accomplish the goal. Everyone is playing the objective here. Every member inked two squares! Fantastic. We all did our part.
Now, youve done your part but you really hated it, who can blame you. You dont like the color Lime Green. You were hoping green would be like a forest green or more a true deep green and not this lime monstrosity you were assigned. You find another teammate has the same feeling, they hate lime green. Absolutely detest it. Did you hear what lime green said the other day? fuck that guy am I right? “ Fuck it,” you say “I refuse to play lime green! We’re going to play Sky Blue instead!” You and your teammate swap colors and sneer at the other two who are sticking with lime green. You play the match.
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Whops! You and your teammate played just as good as you did last game! You covered your two squares! What the hell happened?? Well, because you and your teammate decided to swap parties colors in the middle of the election season match, youve split the ink. It became a two vs two vs four. Team Purple was banded together, they had four people covering their turf. Meanwhile you had to fight with Lime Green AND Purple to keep your Sky Blue on the map.
“Well why didnt the rest of Team Lime Green also change their colors?!” your teammate asks.
“well, why did you change yours?” a player from Lime asks you, “We were all Lime Green before the match started, What happened?”
You dig your heels and rattle off the list, noting all the terrible things Lime Green has done, both in the past and the recent present. the Lime Green team members nod and ask “Have you seen what Purple is doing though? Like now, in office? Lime Green has done some seriously gross stuff, we dont deny that, but you would need to convince 60-75% of the country to suddenly change their outlook on life within a few months. Lime Green is the only actual option we have at this point. We can change colors after the match, but right now we need to focus on beating purple right?”
You dont find that answer satisfying. You dont want someone who has done all the terrible things Lime Green has running your country. You dont want Purple either. Both options are terrible! Both colors are horrible and ugly. They're right though, sky blue cant win, not with just the two of you painting your hardest. So If your color cant win, and you are forced to choose between Racist Rapist Lime Green or Racist Rapist Purple, how can you morally choose?
“You know what? fuck this!” you say, tossing your splattershot to the side, “Why do I have to vote play either way? One of these disgusting colors will win anyway, why do I care who wins? I just wont play, theres no point.”
you leave the arena with your Sky-blue teammate, watching from the sidelines...
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...as team Purple Slaughters team Lime Green. (in splatoon, the map would look alot less like that, and alot more like this:
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“serves them right for not picking Sky blue.”  you say and your blue teammate nods along. Team Lime green has lost. Team Sky blue has ALSO lost. Team purple has won. You chose not to play the objective.
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Joe & Ronnie
Joe: [St Patrick's Day 2016] Joe: Ron Joe: Come back, I ain't going 'til tomorrow Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: go now what the fuck does it matter Joe: It matters to me Joe: every fucking second away does and I don't care if you know it Ronnie: then dont Joe: I missed Christmas, they don't care that I bullshitted I had the flu Joe: had to do everything to stop them flying over to get me, and it was my sister's 16th so they're all on one about how long it's been Ronnie: and I dont care if they believe your bullshit or not Ronnie: I care that youre a useless cunt Ronnie: I care that youre being a fucking pussy Joe: I know you do Joe: I'm sorry or I didn't ask you to, the end result is the same 'cos I can't fucking not go, s'been months, any longer they will do something about it and fuck that Ronnie: get out of my fucking face mckenna Ronnie: youre not worth shit to me like this Joe: I don't want to and you didn't want me to five seconds 'fore you slammed the door in my face so Ronnie: give a shit what you want Ronnie: grow a pair while youre there or dont bother coming back like Joe: that's what you want, yeah? Ronnie: like you care Ronnie: go ask your ma what she wants Ronnie: or your sister Ronnie: shes legal to fuck now what do you need me for Joe: I want to make you happy, not them Ronnie: I told you what to fucking do Joe: I reckon I've got a better idea Ronnie: are you gonna say it Joe: come with me Ronnie: thats not funny Joe: I'm not trying to be Ronnie: it better be a fucking joke Joe: why not? Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: you know every reason why not Joe: so it wouldn't make you even a bit happy to fuck her family up Joe: say you don't care but you do enough to hate her Ronnie: shut up Ronnie: I hate you Joe: go on then, do it and I won't be able to go back Joe: then you can chuck me if you hate me so much and I'll have nothing but another bad habit Ronnie: I aint the kind of sister to fight your battles for you Joe: now who's being pussy Joe: I'm ready to do it Joe: tell them everything Joe: show 'em Joe: what's the issue Ronnie: still you Ronnie: thats the issue Ronnie: you think you want it til I start it Joe: Name one thing you've started that I ain't wanted Ronnie: there aint a name for this Ronnie: you dont get it Ronnie: and youre not ready for it Joe: fuck that Joe: I don't love them I love you Joe: don't get involved then, I'm trying to give you something here Joe: but if I stop going, then they'll come, and it'll just happen here Ronnie: youre trying to give yourself something Ronnie: but I aint no performing monkey and you cant put me back in my box when you start shitting yourself Ronnie: there wont be one Ronnie: there wont be fuck all left Joe: Good Joe: what about me says that I want anything Joe: there's always heroin Ronnie: you want me to get arrested then yeah Ronnie: get rid of me like that Joe: I won't let that happen Joe: I'd take the blame before it did Ronnie: youre not listening Ronnie: you wont have any control Ronnie: you dont Ronnie: not over me Joe: I don't need any Joe: I don't want to control you Joe: I want you to do exactly what you want Joe: to me, to them, to the fucking world, that's what I always want Joe: you don't have to come, I thought you wanted to, wanted this Ronnie: stop flirting with me you sick fuck Ronnie: I cant think Joe: it's gone beyond flirting Joe: you've got 'til tomorrow to think Joe: come back Joe: please Ronnie: stop telling me what to fucking do Ronnie: or not do Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: I'm just saying if you don't come then I'll do it on my own Joe: that's just how it is Joe: I don't wanna do it no more, go back, not be here, with you Joe: pretend, more than I have to Ronnie: like fuck are you doing it without me Ronnie: the look on her face thats mine not yours Ronnie: a life for a life Joe: then it's settled Joe: come back though, I know Charlie and Bronson have got fuck all decent in to calm you down Ronnie: theyve got fuck all of anything now like Ronnie: having it in me already is the only reason youre getting words off me instead of a boot in your face Joe: gutted Joe: just for them, before you accuse me of flirting with you again Ronnie: yeah didnt reckon youd follow through on that Joe: if you'd come home I could give you everything you want Joe: close enough that it don't matter no more Ronnie: if I make it that easy neither of us will want it Ronnie: stop fucking crying Joe: what did they have then, make me cry some more with a trip report Ronnie: nursery school shit Ronnie: talk to me about this show and tell you wanna put on Joe: so my dad owns this pub, yeah Joe: st paddy's obviously best day and night of the year for business Joe: it'll be packed Ronnie: no shit Joe: do more damage if there's a crowd to hear and see Ronnie: then what Joe: depends Joe: loads of ways you could do it Joe: it's pretty obvious on both counts what we're trying to say together Joe: leave the rest up to you Ronnie: I know what I'm gonna do Ronnie: I don't trust you to pussy out first chance you get Ronnie: not* Joe: tell me Ronnie: I dont do foreplay Ronnie: fuck alls changed that much since I walked out Joe: alright Joe: could accuse you of being a tease about it but I can wait Ronnie: all those pint glasses on offer are the tease when you know how I feel about glass Ronnie: better lover than you Joe: won't take it personal Joe: made you look this good and I get to look so Ronnie: it only matters that you do take it baby Joe: whatever you give me Joe: and obviously, all this Joe: [drug haul!] Joe: i need to be comatose with you Ronnie: you shouldve started with the offer of that threesome Ronnie: Id be back ages ago Joe: if I made it that easy.. Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: alright, come get yours Joe: hurry up Joe: she's staring at me Ronnie: Im not your bitch Ronnie: Ill be there when im done ✂🪒 Joe: you wanna give them something to remember you by? Ronnie: theyll remember Joe: you gonna bleed for me too though Ronnie: im only doing my hair Ronnie: fuck all else is as fun without an audience Ronnie: dont get excited Joe: awh, you do care Ronnie: do you want me to cut your tongue out so you dont sound as rem as you look tomorrow Ronnie: care about that Joe: ✋🤚 long as you leave all ten relatively unscathed Ronnie: gotta leave myself something Ronnie: youre a shit enough ride already Ronnie: do I sound 🍀 now Joe: exactly like my exes Joe: well about it Ronnie: dont go round saying you were a virgin Ronnie: *nt Ronnie: more embarrassing Joe: oh, reckoned part of your big show was saying you deflowered me Joe: they're gonna be horrified enough though Ronnie: theyd believe it if you wanna go that far with the show Joe: don't reckon that's your plan Joe: but an interesting one Joe: I'll 🤔 on it Ronnie: your ma dont turn me on but neither do you so Id give it a shot Ronnie: reckon youll be horny enough for all of us Joe: the shit will have worn off by then, don't remind me Ronnie: how longs the flight? Joe: hour and a half, bit under Ronnie: 💔 Joe: I know Joe: long enough that all the mile-high cliches are gonna flood right back in Joe: more of a flight risk, should let me have my drugs instead Ronnie: no batteries no sharp objects no point Joe: you're hard to please, my dear Joe: and well selective Joe: the air hostesses, less so if they're even gonna consider it Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you want me to tell 'em you're coming or element of surprise Joe: what's your poison Ronnie: long as it eats away at her I dont give a shit Ronnie: tell em Ronnie: how excited I am Joe: 👍 Joe: on it Ronnie: lay it on well thick Ronnie: make sure theyve all got the taste in their mouths Joe: I know how to breed hope Joe: look at my shining education and musical genius Ronnie: almost hot til you ruined it Joe: one day I'll get you Ronnie: chuck your empty promises at that lot Joe: not the point no more Joe: don't just need my ✋🤚 for you Joe: string for my supper 'til I choke, that's the plan 🎻💉 Joe: can put my diploma on their wall if they want but give a fuck Ronnie: use it for roll ups Ronnie: like a hotel bible Joe: you're really gonna be that hot and not be here Joe: sounds like you Ronnie: it only gets hot when you start thinking about what poison youre gonna lace the 🚬 with Joe: you ever smoked wet? Ronnie: you wanna pop my 🍒 Joe: yeah Joe: only fair Ronnie: who plays fair Joe: hallucinations, disorientation, impaired coordination, paranoia, sexual disinhibition, and visual disturbances Joe: don't play 'cos it's fair, play 'cos it's fun Ronnie: alright you got me Joe: say again Joe: I can get that over there Joe: can smoke some 'fore the show Ronnie: sexual disinhibition Ronnie: thas the show you want Ronnie: I called it Joe: sue me Joe: or worse, obviously 🔪😍 Ronnie: 💉 Ronnie: Ill play and Im leaving Ronnie: dont start todays show without me Joe: you don't have enough hair to be taking this long Ronnie: I was using a broken mirror Joe: Charlie'll be fuming Ronnie: so was I when I broke it Joe: got all the shards out? Ronnie: not my first time Ronnie: youre getting 🍒 greedy now Joe: could've distracted me from the bag with a video or something Joe: you're being selfish, alternative title Ronnie: [sends him something only theyd be into, lord knows] Ronnie: take what youre given and lick it up Ronnie: im not a fucking charity Joe: 👅 Ronnie: ill bring you a shard to put on it the fun can really start Joe: 💘 Ronnie: you can fuck off calling me selfish like Joe: I'll take it back when I feel it Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: you will Joe: you still hate me, like Ronnie: only fair baby Joe: of course Joe: what kind of sick fuck Ronnie: theyll be lining up to tell you tomorrow Joe: might be worth sticking around for Joe: shame, they would make it fun when I'm trying to leave Ronnie: the lads mustve got that memo Ronnie: nothing more fun than a street fight Ronnie: gimme a sec to knock em out Joe: playing nice better or worse than playing fair Ronnie: you tell me soft lad Ronnie: youve had it up to the back teeth Joe: definitely worse Joe: fair was never a big concern with them but less soul-destroying Ronnie: ill rip mine all out before I use em to smile nice Ronnie: playing the way anyone else wants aint a big concern Joe: 🦷🦷 more useful than 👅 Ronnie: dont cry I wont I know what you like Joe: what did I do to deserve you eh Ronnie: you dont Joe: very true Ronnie: but your fucked family deserve me and ill let you watch Joe: suits me Ronnie: yeah you get everything you want Ronnie: this aint any different Joe: got a load of shit I don't want too, that makes up for it Ronnie: not gonna watch you cry fuck joining in Joe: just be here then Ronnie: im coming Joe: shouldn't have gone in the first place Ronnie: thats your fucking fault Joe: yeah Joe: but don't leave me Ronnie: if I wanted you gone Id kill you Joe: you're so considerate Joe: any time Ronnie: you aint getting out of tomorrow Ronnie: ill strap your rotting corpse into a plane seat before I go on my fucking own Joe: I want to be there Joe: and I wouldn't make you go alone either way Ronnie: mckenna Joe: what Ronnie: dont fuck it up Joe: that's your role Joe: is there anything you actually want me to do or just watch Ronnie: stay out of my way Joe: done Ronnie: 💘
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