#people irl already know it too

[insulationsun]

gives me a laugh when my manager observes how little I seem like I cared while I was in like a depressive mood and then she asks for the Old me I guess like when i cared except this Is a dead end job and I never cared and in fact I want to stop caring still but like I guess it hurts that like there is obviously something wrong with me and I am barely functioning as it is . And I guess that I'm being told that I should just keep a happier face and I try very hard to do this yet still mess up and am generally miserable .

#its like im constantly approaching limits on myself #shouldnt really be just spilling my guts out on this account i have so many followers. but i like to be heard by like magbe at least 5 peopl #this would be nice. #alsosorry #also its not anyones job to make me feel better or anything for the record dont feel lressured. #though i guess thet pressure is already there from me posting this #i just need to like get it out i guess how frustrating this is that everyone needs me to be like :D irl you know #im too sensitive i need som1 to send me hate again

[animentality]

I know hunger games is good, I just can't put myself through a sad dark dystopian world where things are sad and dark and suck and everyone hates each other and everyone dies.

Like I could watch the news...

#the hunger games #thg #its why ive avoided the books too #like im sure katniss is a grim faced survivor who also happens to be super hot and sexy #but i dont know man #i know government is bad #you are correct #i agree with you already bestie #dont see what else i can learn from hunger games other than heres how we should revolt but wont bc people will only see thg as fiction #with not practical application irl #plus i cant watch two straight people fall in love #sorry #i believe when people say its good #i just dont think itd make me feel anything personally #i already know who dies anyway #its not the sexy love interest #its the non character

[sparring-spirals]

oh. so. this dream and this vision and this exchange after and everything that has been building to here.

All that rage, all that desperation, Imogen's knowledge that Liliana's judgement is flawed and searching for any reason to understand, searching for a way to bring her out of it. Bring her back.

"Show me" and she does and.

Its- beautiful, its wonderful. Its the unmaking of the world and of history and it feels- so good. For a moment Imogen feels something she hasn't for YEARS. A life and a possibility and a future full of peace she hasnt had for ages, hasnt even bothered hoping for. For a moment, Imogen sees it, but more importantly- she feels it- the freedom, the peace, the dream. Stronger than any vision. She sees it. She feels it.

And she wakes up, and she- unknowingly, perfectly, mirrors her own mothers words, looks around, asks- did you see it? Did you all see that? (I wish you all could see what I could see-)

They didn't- of course they didn't. They saw Liliana, too far gone, spouting nonsense, they saw her reach out, they saw the refusal to listen to reason. They did not see the vision. (They couldn't have. Even if they'd seen it- would they have understood? How could they? No beautiful vision would have captured the thing that left the awe in Imogen's lungs- the peace. The freedom. The finality of, finally, finally, being free of this gift that has only been a curse.)

They didn't see the vision. They saw their friend, tapped on the forehead after hopeless pleas. They've been seeing their friend make further and further excuses for someone they know is a danger, someone siding with people they are working so hard against. That has hurt them. They've seen the way she can't quite denounce Liliana. They've hedged around it: If she's not on our side, will you be okay- You know if she's not on our side, we'll have to-

They've been watching. They're seeing plenty. They did not see the vision. They couldn't have.

They saw a fruitless conversation. They saw their friend rebuffed by someone she loves. They saw her wake up with a strange kind of light in her eyes and- say.

What if its not so bad? (The world ending. Half of the world being eaten. Innocent lives lost. Our loved ones cut down for a fever dream and delusions of power and grandeur. Us, cut down, for some stupid plot for a moon and petty revenge against the gods and a desire to end the world.) They've been watching her, make halfhearted arguments, sidle away. Make increasingly desperate excuses. Ask: What if.

(Its so easy to ask, what if. Its so dangerous. Sometimes the if is used to hide away lives and lives of collateral, of blood red loss. Sometimes the if has already been answered and paid for, and the act of asking is its own form of violence, all over again.)

"Well Imogen, I wish my family didn't have to die for her brighter tomorrow."

And the way Imogen collapses, a little- presses her face into her hands and crumples under the weight of the reminder, like voices piling in after weeks of being in blissful quiet in a forest. Like reality breaking in after a beautiful dream. "You're right. I'm sorry. You're right."

"I swear, I wanna see this through, I do."

"She just presented this vision of- it didn't seem so bad."

And the Bells try to help, to be kind. They say: We understand why this must be hard for you. She's someone you love, its hard to deal with them thinking a different way. What did you see?

They are trying so hard, to reason through it, to balance their own hurt with kindness and sound arguments to lead her back. They want so badly, to lead her back. Have her back.

The problem however, is not the soundness of the argument, is not the reason or the logic- but the overwhelming allure of that sensation- of that promise- of the hope- of the ideal. Of a mirage that already drew Liliana in. That is pulling Imogen's gaze, despite. Despite, despite, despite.

Hope is such a tricky thing to kill.

#okay theres like three metas here i kind of wanted to write but it turned into one frankenstein one bc i need to sleep #critical role #c3e49 #cr liveblogging #character meta #imogen temult #bell's hells #liliana temult #the three things here are something like: imigen is compromised in the way the trope of duty bound people going 'im compromised' when they #love someone- THIS is that THIS is the compromise in judgement #2 is that all discussion about flawed reasoning is- not the point. so wholly not the point. imogen is not chasing the reasoning. neither is #liliana. imogen and liliana and probably others have the sensation- have the hope- have the mirage- have a promise (they cant have) #the reasoning twists itself from there. this is how cults work! this is how like! irl dangerous idealogies work! this is why something #technically making sense CANNOT BE ENOUGH FOR A PERSON TO FALL IN LINE bc humans can reason /anything/ if the purpose is strong enough #imogen KNOWS the reasoning isnt sound. shes not convinced by the reasoning. shes hoping and her reasoning is being swayed bc of it. #she apologizes to orym. shes caught up in a sensation #3 is that the bells are so worried and i havw so many feelings about it bc they want to help her they want her to see reason #but theyre so short on time. and this hurts /them/ too. to need to defend this. explain this. at a point they need to prioritize themselves #the mission. their own emotional comfort. they need to know when- when is a lost cause and when isnt. theyve already been worried. at a #certain point- what can you do? this has nothing to do with reason. if emotional appeals wont work- what can you do. #uagahaguagahaghghgg #okay i need to sleep #im going to continue yelling tomorrow and then finish watching this convo and watch the ashton laud convo and YELL MORE #imogen meta #my meta #speculation

[hychlorions]

apollo could never have a public twitter account while he's dating klavier bc he'd probably tweet something like "i'm just saying if you know they're VERY PUBLICLY dating somebody WHY would you still agree to sleep with them" and then the news will be all "klavier gavin cheated? klavier gavin cheating scandal?!" then later that day apollo has to clarify that "no he isn't cheating on me. we're catching up on celebrity news" and i think this would happen regularly

#.docx #i think they're both little gossips. like they are Nosy nosy when it comes to people they don't personally know #may be the most ooc thing l i'll ever post bc i think everyone gets a little ooc on the internet #me included. i'm a little insane on here but i'm better irl i swear o7 #yes i think apollo would vaguetweet. because he's tweeting to his little audience of people who already knows what he means #but sometimes he forgets klavier is/was famous and he is famous by association too #classic 'left my target audience' mishap #also apollo would never use twitter except to check for weather reports probably #but in the event that he DOES use twitter for entertainment #yeah i think this would happen #with that said i'm gonna pass out. goodnight

[mel-loly]

-“Just a flower, in the middle of the field at night, a light is turned on and reveals.. A day arriving with confident hope and silent happiness!”🌹🐝

#for those who didn't get it.. today is my birthday! and so tomorrow is really the day of the party and etc.. #that's why I put “arriving” because tomorrow is a really special and very important event in my life akzbskhzjsb #and yes. I'm cosplaying as princess bela. she's one of my favorite characters and her dress.. It's literally a dream come true for me! #because I'm really going to use one similar to this one tomorrow irl and- #I won't tell you guys more details because it's personal things but- well. that's a little explain of what the art is about! #I really feel very happy.. and I admit. I don't even know how to explain my happiness but.. well... #I feel special. surrounded by people who *really* love me and show true affection for me and.. #that I just have to thank. for everything. I have gratitude for all of you! like- thank you very much. really. for everything.. #I can't even express in words how grateful I am for each of you #know that I love and appreciate everyone who is still with me on this journey called life! #and of course- I couldn't forget to talk about him lol. thanks to mike! #I don't know what would have become of me if I hadn't met someone as friendly and good-hearted as him #he was always by my side and made me feel more special in every day. in a unique way and one of the most important to me.. #I love him very much/p. and I hope that our friendship will be forever happy and respectful the way it already is! #(of course. this also works for the other friends I made here too- please don't get mad or jealous! I love you all. okay??) #and well.. that's it. #I hope I still stay here. that I enjoy my day and face any fear or harm that I might have ahead of me and.. #that I just hope for the best. I put everything in God's hands and I feel confident that things will work out no matter what the cost! #thank you guys again for everything and happy birthday to me lol-💛 #happy birthday to me #it's my birthday #mel creator #mel loly #cosplaying of beauty and the beast #i'm mel and this is my blog✌️ #my art blog #art mel #art #my art #my oc character

[iknaenmal]

okay. today i will go on a difficult mission. i might not come back (will ask i friend if they want to hang out)

#IN MY DEFENSE ILL SAY THAT SHES A REALLY COOL FRIEND OKAY ? #shes like. so easy to talk to and shes so cool and she is so funny and shes the only person i know irl who is into homestuck!!! #well kinda #and she has had an extremely good impact in my life as in !! idk she has made me more confident? idk how to explain that #THE THING IS. i met her less than a year ago but shes extremely important to me and i love talking to her #and i would love hanging out with her more #SO. today. im gonna tell her that im gonna go watch spiderverse this aaturday and im gonna ask her if she wants to come #i will see her today bc we both go to a club for neurodivergent people #but im not gonna ask her there that would be stupid. also i would feel bad for not inviting the rest of our clubmates (? as well #i already do but hngggn. idk #anyways im gonna ask her later when i come back home it will probably be p late but thats okay #or hm. i usually stay longer than im supposed to stay and she does too i could ask her then but i probably wont :/ #WELL WHATEVER. #honestly im p sure i wont actually ask her.. the idea is nice but i dont have enough skills for that i think. oh well we will see #ikna talks #oops sorry for rambling. sorry sjssnsjskl

[casualhedonists]

DATING IS SO HARD WTF

#vent to follow in the tags lmao #like. what???? #people!!! chill the fuck out!! #i had some dude unmatch with me bc i didn’t respond to him YESTERDAY #and like it’s not that big of a deal we’d only just matched but like?? patience is a fucking virtue?? and i have a life? #he was all like come back :((( then two minutes later he was like ok sorry for bothering you bye and then LEFT #like. fine if you do that but the message?? what?? #anyway it came at a bad time bc. a bitch is already in crisis rn #cause i kinda feel like my irl friends hate me for some reason and i already feel bad that i’ve been so busy i’ve not been able to #talk to them that much #and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine) #and my car still won’t start. we tried to jump it today and it didn’t do anything #anyway i’m like rapid cycling through major emotions and it’s like mimi chill the fuck out #and listening to way too much phoebe bridgers i know the end #also i’m in crisis bc i’ve made up with like. my oldest friend who used to have a crush on me and when i told him i preferred girls he like #stopped talking to me for a while #that was years ago and now we’re slowly becoming friends again but i feel so much guilt over it for no reason #and i get into avoidant episodes as a coping mechanism and like. i feel like im going into one atp #okay okay vent over im okay lmaoo #sorry folks hope your days going better than mine <3 #｡･:*˚:✧｡ mimi speaks!

[unloneliest]

the problem of the matter is i did internalize so much of what ex friend believed about me. even though i knew he was wrong and knew what was happening and tried to stop it and if i took more action to stop it would have been abusing power i held in a way i couldn't live with myself for.

#A BAD PERSON TRYING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE WOULD'VE GOTTEN YOU FIRED AND EVICTED IN WINTER IN ALASKA YOU MOTHERFUCKER. WHICH I DID NOT DO #he was renting a room from my dad. for cheaper than he wouldve been able to find anywhere else. his brother was too #his brother didn't pay rent for over 6 months and my dad just forgave him the debt because my dad knew how much of a difference it wouldve #made when he was that age. and i had told him ex friend was family to me & my dad applied that to the brother too. bc he is a good person. #and one of the strongest parts of my support system. and i didn't say a word to him about what was happening until i knew he already had a #plan for when he would be ending ex friend's lease. so there would be no subconscious impact on ex friend's housing either #mgmt at work straight up asked me if i thought ex friend should be fired immediately multiple times and i'm in retrospect livid they put me #in that position but told them to go by the strike system in the employee handbook and to follow policy that ex friend knew perfectly. that #it couldn't be on me as acting assistant manager to choose #and after 10 months of workplace harassment i got a different job to save my life. ex friend didn't get fired. #he did saw trap shit to my brain!!!!!! jesus christ #he moved cross country to live with his long time gf he called his wife despite never having met irl. to a way more conservative state. #despite being gay. and she left him this summer lol #hadn't checked his twitter in over a year when it got pulled up frm an old link and i saw that. and when he was already at a low point too #me voice. oh no who could've seen this coming. from how you behave in every relationship in your life #may delete this in the morning. but i have to talk about it sometimes #i'm never reaching out for closure both bc he wouldn't give me any and because i know it would trigger him and i don't intentionally trigge #people. unlike him :) #vampire pit #like. i have to talk about it sometimes. i have to talk about it. #jam posts

[queer-pagan-witch]

One day I will learn, that just because the bottle is low, does not mean I need to finish off the bottle.

#imma be so fuckin hungover tomorrow #someone should kiss me #and i moght be either asexual or aromantic or both which like woo thats funny to only me for so many trauma reasons #i love #im so drunk #i too drunk #i stated typing thos at 12:30 #imma smoke pot after i post this #if your reqding my tags hi i love you. why are you reading this though like im a schizo bipolar depreased trans girl im unhinged in the tags #i need to stop drinking by myself #if think im an alcoholic as well if it wasnt for the fact that i can genuinely stop when ever i want but idkmaybe that changes? #at this point im just typing to annoy myself cause i think its funny to annoy other people and itd be hypothetical to not annoy myself #im ramblimg in the tags and honestly its your fault for still reading this #trans thought time #i wish i was born with a pussy but i do like having a cock and there is a possibility im genderfluid and fuck me that sucks if true #like how do you transition if your genderfluid? like i kinda want a cock and pussy and i know thats an actual option #but is it the right option? #i hate being trans but not knowing what kinda trans maybe ill hit where im at with my gender and just say tranny #cause i already say faggot for my sexuality instead of anything specific maybe i should just say tranny #this is probably what a therapist is for but idk if i can justify paying for this instead of saving money to buy a hoise #america sucks #capitalism sucks #love is such a bullshit thing #how can i be in love with some ane be in love with someone. being in love is nothing but selfish but also you have to be selfish for youryou #like i know that doesn't make sense sense but it makes sense to me and i also know its wrong #maybe i should give up and spend money on a therapist #i love my freinds and would sacrifice myself for them literally #12:51 and i have one more short tag to add #i hope you didnt read this far cause even in a drunk state this tag is embarrassing and im sorry you know me irl im sorry this is rambly+ugh #but if you dead read all the tags <3 i love yoh and would die for you

[applejongho]

I need new friends . Lmao

#(this is not about anyone on here -- only irl people) #apple lady words #asked to hang. no response. asked if she saw my message. no response. #a few hours before: says no i dont feel like it #posts on ig that she went out last night w mutual friends (and obv not me too) #like god i get it. youre already booked. but dont GHOST ME #ESPECIALLY when you know about how im going through a friendship breakup?????? #idk maybe im being selfish. but im someone who will let people walk all over me #so why do i feel so awful. #dl #negativity tw

[psikind]

hey so. childhood friend of mine commited suicide late july and his dad’s trying to fund the money for his funeral service - if people have the money to donate please do the service is in 3 days (august 5th) and he’s very close to the goal but otherwise it’d mean a lot if people spread the link around -> https://gofund.me/f04d9bf0

#gofundme #suicide #donations #idk what else I would tag this with but. yeah #sorry to the people that're gonna get jumpscared by a blocked tag I just felt liek this was important to share #he was like. the one irl friend I had consistently that never bullied me because we were both so different from everyone else #we fell out of touch but I always talk about him fondly and then my mom told me this morning and just. god #I'm really glad I'm gonna have a lot of support and love this month I already know that but what a way to start it huh. #I hope everyone's doing okay. if you're in a hard place right now take this as a sign to do something nice for yourself #talk to a friend go buy some chocolate listen to your favorite song anything #and if it feels like nothing's making you happy #please trust me when I say it will some day #I know everyone says that I know but I've been there I've been through some horrible fucking shit #like anime anti-hero/rival/love interest-to-die levels of trauma #trust me. trust. me. #it will get better. wake up another day. this too shall pass #sorry for the ramble I just feel Very Strongly about this

[ikkaku-of-heart]

Wishlist Item: Book Club

I really need threads where Ikkaku has monster erotica book club. Let her and another muse discuss a crazy monster-fucker book where we just come up with wild scenarios for them to fangirl (or fanboy) over as we go. My girl deserves to discuss freaky literature with merfolk and krakens and vampires and werewolves and all kinds of other creatures to swoon over.

#Time for Maintenance (OOC) #Not Safe for Working (smut) #(listen she can't talk about this stuff with Law. he probably already knows way too much about her IRL sex life) #(let her find people she can squee about monster smut with) #(I do know a few people who have implied they might be up for such a thing...)

[abysslll]

soceal anxietee :[

#vent kinda #going to costume party tonight and i am fucking terrified #i havent talked to someone my age irl since july. and that kid was years younger than me and i already knew him so it was less scary #i dont know any of these people and hhhh #my costumes pretty low effort too and im worried they'll judge me

[nightfallsystem]

tw stupid vent in tags

#tw self harm #tw vent #“being a teenager is the best!” I CUT MYSELF ALMST EVERYDAY. #IVE SCARRED MYSELF SO BAD ILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO WEAR SHORT SLEEVES NO MTTER HOW LONG IT SBENE SINCE IT HAPPENED #I ONYL SPEAK TO LIKE ONE OR TWO PEOPLE IRL I AM DETERIORATING #I ALREADY HAVE A FUCKING SCAR SO BIG U CAN FEEL WHERE IT GETS DEEP #HOW . #HOW IS THIS GOOD #HOW DO I HAVE HTE BEST LIFE HOW R PEOPLE JEALOUS #WHENEVER I GET MISGENDERED I CANT HELP BUT BITE MYSELF UNTIL I BLEED which is really hard to do... #IM SO SIKKC OF IT #IM SO TIREDD. #im going insane again arent i #THERES NOT BEEN A WEEK WITHOUT SELF HARM SINCE GOD KNOWS WHEN #EVERY LIMB HURTS except my right leg specifically i saved that one for spare parts #oh and my goddamn mother only cares about how ill look because of the scars and not that im FUCKING BLEEDING OUT BCUZ OF HER NO LESS #DOES IT GET BETTER. DO I STOP CUTTING MYSELF?? #everytime i see a little too much blood it reminds me of when i did it and i feel sick to my stomach

[katyspersonal]

Also guys, if you've sent me something in Discord, I have not seen it. I've had Discord closed for several days now because that app just makes me feel worse when I feel socially withdrawn, and in general I am mostly offline these days (you could tell..) . (I also got like 10 asks about ships....... I will get to them but huge amount of positive engagement makes me feel shy)

#personal #distractions are nice.. #it is just.. many things #like i also cut ties with my only irl friend #i told it like it is: negligence constant broken promises and only remembering i exist when all of her- #-'better' friends are busy #like... it became so painfully apparent that she doesn't want me in her life (when with other friends she's every day and- #-posts pictures with them often) #boyfriend too. #you know that situation when you fail to assert yourself as a valuable friend and become the- #-beta friend aka 'therapist friend' that only exists to listen to them vent about their REAL friends? #also ignored calls and me having to send a message like 10 times to get something she promised out of her already... #why i am even elaborating if everyone had this situation at least once? #but cutting someone out of life is always extremely stressful even if that's to the better #i just hate pestering people to give me at least some attention

[lovenpeace-pkmn]

📱: a text exchange

#connie post #ooc post #answered asks #pkmn irl #pokeblogging #pokemon irl #pokeblog rp #//concordia's not anti-pokeball but she's not gonna specify that here bc anthea already knows that #//she'd be clearer about that if she was posting this on rotomblr BUT she's also never gonna post this on rotomblr bc she's too scared of #//people accusing her of promoting plasma ideology if she says anything too openly pokemon rights-y