#outlining just how incorrect transphobes are is very useful

[communistkenobi]

re: that gamete article, I think what’s also compelling to anti-trans activists is that gametes are invisible - it’s the same reason why debates about chromosomes are persuasive, they are imperceptible in all social interactions outside of a doctor’s office, and so counter-intuitively they can be argued as being always visible, always seeping out through our pours as a gendered essence that cannot be concealed or changed. actually being able to look at your individual gametes or chromosomes is gated behind medical institutions, and because of this inaccessibility they can be loaded with all kinds of social and political meaning, converted into a mystical essence contained within the body that imbues you with a gendered spirit. this is why I don’t think we should ever concede that transphobes are making biological arguments - they are using the authority of evolutionary and medical biology to do gender metaphysics, it’s a deliberate mystification of scientific authority for reactionary political goals. they aren’t making scientific claims and they aren’t trying to

#even old new york was once new amsterdam #again correcting this is important and this isn’t a dismissal/argument against the article I linked #outlining just how incorrect transphobes are is very useful #but outside of empirically proving them wrong I don’t think we should ever be arguing on their terms

[bondsmagii]

Hey read (some of) this blog post (long as hell), tries to pick it up where your old scp cult post left off: lackoflepers medium com/scp-is-not-a-cult-196e87ce6b11

(link)

this is insane. I've never written anything that's ever received a full response before, so that's exciting. what's even more exciting is that this piece does raise some really interesting questions, and is very well-written and thoughtful.

the strange thing is, I think we're both in agreement -- but I'm calling it a cult, and the author of this piece is calling it a "fledgling religion". I agree with this outlook, if I'm honest -- but at the same time I can't help but think that this has filled a hole in my cult theory, rather than poked a hole in it.

when I wrote the original cult post, the one thing I couldn't quite equate was the religion aspect. there was a lot of things to consider from that aspect, in terms of cults requiring a certain doctrine, rituals, etc, and while I was able to draw comparisons to the site culture and these things, it didn't quite fit. this article explains and illustrates exactly what all of these things are, and the sheer amount of similarities between the SCP wiki culture and religious fundamentalists. it's absolutely incredible, how it all still adds up.

however, some things are way off. I understand the author has a history with site and with staff, and they obviously understand that there's a complicated relationship between the two. the piece certainly tackles the question from an educated site-critical standpoint, but I can't help but notice some glaring omissions and in some places, assumptions which I feel are quite simply incorrect. under the cut we go, because this is long.

the author seems to be very ignorant of the site's cyclical patterns. one of their main arguments for the wiki's not being a cult is how people like Dr Gears and thedeadlymoose don't have more power over the masses, being such important figures. the problem with the wiki is that it is very cyclical, and big names of one era do not translate over to new eras. big names replace old ones, and the old ones either become fond grandparent figures (like Gears, who had the sense to take a step back before the tides changed against him) or they become irrelevant or reviled (like thedeadlymoose, or pixelatedharmony (Roget).) this means that if the former appeals to the group, they will get essentially a pat on the head and a gentle dismissal, or if the latter speak out they will be silenced, harassed, banned, etc. this is very cultlike behaviour -- if somebody goes against the grain, they become an immediate enemy of the people. the only way to survive fame on the wiki is to retire quietly, at your peak, and keep yourself to yourself.

going on from this, there are also different levels to how a staff member is seen. there have been eras of the site where the site admin might not be as impressive as one of the prolific writers, for example. who these days knows about The Administrator? it's all Dr Gears to them. different authors have different levels of unofficial authority, and the author of the piece doesn't seem to realise that it's a cult of personality as much as anything else. there are constant divisions among staff, even if they present a united front; frequently those not toeing the party line have been ostracised or purged, and this filters down to the average user. just because a person is on staff does not mean they immediately skyrocket to godhood, if we're using the religious metaphor. this is why it seems as though "staff" as a whole isn't uniformly worshipped -- they're not. there are complex currents of power at work here, and it's frustrating because at first glance it seems to invalidate the very real fact that a few site members have all the authority. the staff worship extends to staff members. those in lower tiers will act similarly to those in higher tiers as a new member would act towards all staff.

the author draws attention to thedeadlymoose's impressive efforts to bring the site forward from its 4chan beginnings and make it more inclusive to LGBT members -- something that has undoubtedly had an effect. however, the author does not mention that to date, the site's only successful splinter site (as in, a site that lasted more than a few weeks) is RPC, and while this website came about for multiple reasons, it's undeniable that one of these reasons was because of the fact that the wiki was openly supportive of LGBT people during Pride Month. it's also interesting to note that the author is also a member of the RPC site, so it's odd that this piece of the site's origins is not mentioned.

the acceptance of these pro-LGBT policies also seems to be less wide-spread than the author believes -- most people don't care, there does exist users who are homophobic or transphobic, and -- something I'm surprised wasn't mentioned at all in the piece -- when LGBT members of the site spoke up and said the new logo made them feel pandered to, and the resulting blowout made them feel targeted and unsafe, they were mass banned from the subreddit by a rogue moderator who, incensed by the fact his authority was so challenged, then ragequit and abused people on the threads for several hours. this is a typical staff response to discontent in the masses. so yes, thedeadlymoose did have some significant sway in the attitude changing somewhat, but it was not as widespread (nor as cared about) as the article's author seems to think.

now, I shall move on to specific quotations.

Furthermore, as a gaggle of creators, SCP should never feature the mass conformity of thought that defines a cult; theirs is an ecosystem that predicates itself upon creation, and obsessively on the new and original — that is to say, the different (but tempered).

while the author does elaborate on this idea of creativity and conformity, this is just wrong. again, I blame the author's ignorance in regards to the cyclical nature of the site -- which isn't the fault of the author, in my opinion. such cycles are slow, measuring out in years rather than months, which is insanely long for an internet community. in order to notice them, you would have to have been observing for some time -- which I have been. since I have been observing the site (which has been since its very creation -- I was on the 4chan thread in 2007 when 173 was created and I have seen the wiki from its infancy on EditThis over to wikidot) I have seen this happen countless times. a type of writing, be it style or genre, takes off. it could be LOLFoundation, grimdark, whatever -- it takes off, it runs the site for a year or so, and then it crashes and burns. when it takes off, there are rules for writing it that must be obeyed lest you be downvoted to oblivion. as the attitude turns against it, those who still write it are vilified and ostracised, and the new one takes over. there have been mass purges in the past, and there has always been, since the wiki's inception, conformity of thought. one of my oldest complaints about the wiki is that, for a site full of writers, they have no imagination and absolutely no desire to step out of the approved style.

To put it very broadly, things get accustomed to the status quo in a highly regulated environment, and get better at simply remaining and surviving in that.

this could be a decent rebuff to my previous point, but the fact is that while the SCP wiki harbours cultish behaviour, a vast majority of the users are casual readers who maybe write one or two articles. the stagnation is, at least partially, because of the fact that most users sign up, read some articles, think "cool, I have an idea for one!", write it -- and have it emulate the articles they've read, thus sounding similar in tone and content to the rest of the recent articles -- get a semi-decent response if lucky, and then move on after a few months or years.

the people who power the wiki, however -- who are prolific, who churn out insane amount of articles -- are suffering from what I outlined in my above point. a small percentage of the wiki dictates the direction it goes. it has always been like this -- and people who go against the grain that staff have employed, be it old user or new, will pay for it. this payment is often in downvotes, but occasionally comes in harassment, bans, or deletions, too.

Lastly a cult is really the most extreme version of a religion, it is a religion on steroids.

this is straight-up incorrect. cults began as religions gone hayware, yes, but the idea of a cult as a Jonestown-style compound in the middle of nowhere is outdated. cults are the most extreme version of an ideology -- be it religious, political, or otherwise. they are ideologies on steroids. thanks to the internet, they also no longer have to be in real life spaces. you can be in a social cult on Twitter or on Discord; you can be in a cult of ideology on an incel forum or in a social circle of TERF blogs. all of these things are cults. they have cult-like behaviour and thinking.

this is where the author proves my point beyond all doubt. the author says the following about the wiki's increasingly left-wing inclusive policies:

What was intended to be an executive extension in peace has, due to the force required to counteract the sheer hostility and persecution once leveled at this group at its peak, instead overshot its mark and has become a brutal bureaucratic sanctioning of political identity. (I can hear someone saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.)

the biggest shift in this cult-think, for me, was observed when the shift towards Terminally Online Woke Left attitudes began to be increasingly observed. I'm not talking about getting people to tone down the homophobia and whatnot. I'm talking about this culture of purity and suffering that the author outlines very well in the article; if you have read the article, I needn't go over it again. the wiki now holds a monopoly on suffering using the same kind of Oppression Olympics as other spaces devoted to purity culture -- and purity culture is a cult. this is straight-up fact at this point. it is my belief that staff identified the power available to them in a) targeting people from oppressed and vulnerable groups and giving them a so-called safe space and b) using their various oppressions to their advantage.

something that is prolific in purity culture circles is that somebody who is oppressed in any way cannot be held to blame for their actions. they cannot be a bad person. this is ideological armour, and staff wields it. they also use purity culture and apparently progressive ideology to shut down anyone who dissents, and to smear their name and have then ostracised as an enemy. why do they do this? liking the power and fame of their position is a big part of it, as the author outlined, but something major is missing.

throughout the entire article, the author does not once mention the detailed and extensive history of staff sexually abusing minors on the site.

this is well-documented by this point. staff has seen many predators in its ranks, including one of the most prolific site members of all time -- AdminBright, or The Duckman. staff has known about these staff members and has covered it up over years. I myself have heard testimony from countless victims, but whenever we raise enough of a stink, a staff member does an "internal investigation" and nothing comes of it. the fact that the cult-like behaviour of this website can be discussed without one of the cornerstones of cult activity -- using its members for financial or sexual gain -- is astounding to me.

to go on from this, there is also no mention of the SCP lawyer fund, which raised over $30,000 and then faced staff actively resisting transparency as to the case and the funds. financial manipulation is another major example of cult behaviour.

without acknowledging these two things, I do not think that a full argument against the idea of the SCP wiki as a cult can be possible.

the author raises a good point that illustrates both why staff acts the way it does, and why the users are so eager to imitate:

The answer is something that can turn someone into their nemesis; something that would make someone sell their soul for 1000 upvotes; that tragic commonality that binds all individuals who feel the need to write; the need to be received, but more, to be loved for it.

this is a big reason why staff clings to its power, and why people sell out their creativity, and why people emulate this behaviour, and why prolific authors burn out so fast. however, running through all of this at its core -- through the need to be received and loved -- is the power that comes with it. this is all about power.

to mention the specific example of LordStonefish, and his reaction when he found out that his interviewer was enemy of the people pixelatedharmony, now of "burning out, ragequitting the site, and going to talk shit on KiwiFarms" infamy:

[...] it was as if LSF was speaking to a leper, and that the ongoing participation in the salvation of public approval (not to mention site participation as well) was directly dependent upon LSF’s rebuke of pH as a demon who is only worthy of a terrible fate and, as we see in the screencaps, even death.

leaving my personal opinions on Harmony out of this, going from a perfectly civil interview to finding out that the interviewer was an enemy and not only dumping all of his private information to offset doxing, but also going into detail about some highly personal stuff for shock value... I don't think Harmony quite required that treatment. the fact is that, as the quote outlines above, the only way to ensure that he wouldn't be completely ostracised for fraternising with the enemy (KiwiFarms -- of which Harmony is apparently the ambassador) was to behave like a man shunning a sinner. Harmony has sinned -- she rejected the status quo, she defied the group and its authority, and LordStonefish, in order to remain safe from being tarred with the same brush -- has to react with suitable horror to her presence.

it should be noted here that while KiwiFarms has a reputation for being a hive of scum and villainy, its main reputation regarding the SCP Wiki has been for being the one place where complaints against the site are openly discussed, often by defected staff members such as pixelatedharmony and Cyantreuse, and perhaps most telling of all -- the place where a lot of accounts of sexual harassment and abuse have been filed. staff rails against it on the grounds of it being filled with people who use slurs and have questionable ideological beginnings (ironic, coming from a website which began on 4chan) -- but as a leftist myself with extensive knowledge of the wiki, I can confirm that no criticisms I've seen on there have been unfair or inaccurate, and in fact a lot of the evidence and testimony posted there is damning. it would be fair to not wish to associate with the site because of its content in other places, or even its past reputation, but the fact staff rail against it so hard when it's currently one of the only places (and certainly the only public place) where their deeds are on display? it's interesting.

of LordStonefish's reaction, the author says:

This is the behavior of a deeply religious figure.

it is. this is the reaction of a Mormon meeting an old friend who has left the church. this is the reaction of a Jehovah's Witness crossing the street to avoid a shunned neighbour. it is the behaviour, you could say, of a cult member.

in the conclusion, the author states:

And if anyone is to shoulder blame for the creation of this pathology and its complex, it are those true bigots of history and today, who don’t have the spiritual maturity to understand that someone’s sexual preference or identity shouldn’t be enough to categorically separate them from a definition of humanity; to beat, maim, and wish death upon them.

perhaps this might have been true, perhaps this might have drawn a thoughtful and damning line under the whole affair, if not for the fact that this behaviour has been occurring since long before the internet became known for its progressive and now increasingly often, ridiculous takes on inclusion and sensitivity. this kind of cultish groupthink has been ongoing since the wiki's very first inception. the cyclical worship of a group of staff members and other prolific writers (though the group are often one and the same) and their chosen theme or genre has occurred like clockwork since the late 00s. it has occurred when the website was still entrenched in its 4chan days and saying slurs was barely blinked at. it was still there back when staff was predominantly (or at least presumably) cis, white, and male. it was there when being gay was the butt of a joke and being trans was all but unthought of. it has always been there, and while the latest progressive policies and attitudes have had an effect on how the power is wielded, it has not changed the power itself. if the tides ever turn on the Terminally Online Woke ideology, staff will change with it and adapt their policies and ideologies to keep their power.

if anyone is to shoulder the blame for the creation of this pathology, it is the elitist attitude that has allowed a select few to be worshipped unquestionably. it is the power-hungry individuals who seek out fame and respect on a writing website and then use this fame and respect to treat others badly and their fear of a fall from grace to shelter others treating people worse. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who use their position to groom and sexually assault minors. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who keep it silent. as the severity of staff's secrets has increased, so has their attempts to silence dissent and reform at all costs.

the author agrees that this kind of religious think might lead to a cult in the future. the author says the cult will be a cult of vulnerability, but I disagree. I believe the cult is already there, and it is -- and always has been -- a cult of power.

#scp shenanigans #anon #asks

[riveraa]

his last portrait ✍︎︎

- a doc & sheriff au

1939 LOS ANGELES




I’m going to tell you a story. A story of why the sun loves the moon so much she dies every night so that she can smile. It’s a simple tale really. Like love and a man standing out in the sun. Simple and gooey and stuck-in-your-throat like a poem or bad cheese toasties. Shall we begin?




This story starts in a sense with me: Mr. Fabulous, the rookie, the one and only Hudson Hornet. Woah, hold it right there that’s too sexy. What with my dreadlocked hair, my rings, my navy suit contrasting perfectly with my dark skin.

I stood in front of a mass crowd. Right in the shimmering lights of fairytale fame and oh how I glowed amongst it. Look as I raised my hand to my lips and blew a kiss out to the surrounding crowd.

“I love you all,” I beamed, “Respect pronouns, alright. If you see a racist, homophobic or transphobic motherfucker walkin’ around don’t be afraid to dropkick them. If the police catch you tell them the Fabulous Hudson Hornet told you to do it. Stay Fabulous.” I grin as I turn around. Hearing the crowd whoop, my smile is wide and unbroken as I, reluctantly, leave them. I don’t stop smiling as I make my way over to where my friends, Smokey and the King, stand there. Smokey: long blonde hair, pink tank. The King: light blue suit, blonde hair shorter than Smokey’s.

It was Smokey who stepped forward. Placing his hand calmly on my shoulder, “Come on, Hud,” he said, “The press wants you to get a portrait done for the cover of VOUGUE’s new special edition magazine. You should probably leave now so that you have time to get ready. Not that you don’t already look fabulous.”

I smiled, “Damn the press.”




DOC

It didn’t take long for Mr. Fabulous, that’s me by the way, to get where I needed to be.

This House smelt of coffee and old books. It was kept dimly lit with soft lofi musical rolling through the halls and filling each room.

I stood on the threshold. Navy suit, black eyeliner and eyeshadow. Sometimes I had people guard him from the paparazzi, they could get rough sometimes, but other times, like now, I was alone. I reached up and knocked on the door. Once. Twice. Three times.

Waited.

Slowly the door swung open. A man with grizzly hair and scars coating his cheeks opened the door. A sheriff badge glistened on his chest.

“Mornin’,” I whistled when I saw the figure, “I’m the person you’re going to paint.”

The man only shock his head and laughed quietly, “Not me, boy,” He said, “That’s my son, over there. Come in.”

Befuddled, I followed his invitation.

This room looked much like the rest of the house, smelt the same too. Yet- There! Look there! A man sat in a chair, leaning over his easel with a paintbrush knocked tentatively into his hand. He looked like his father and yet less ordinary. Same, blonde hair yes, but wearing a stained white shirt with a gun tucked into it’s holster and the start of a moustache emerging belong his lips. Upon seeing me, he placed his paint brush down on the easels sill and lifted himself out of his seat. Coming closer, he looked me up and down.

“So your the racer,” he lulled.

Me: “I suppose I am.”

“‘Aight. I’m Sheriff. You can take your pose right over there. This’ll take more than one trip so I’ll have to get you to come back here at least once a week. Sometimes there’ll be another person here. Her names Sal’. She’ll be here to watch you, give me tips and make tea. What time suits you?”

I smiled, “Anytime that I’m not racing, I’m free to become art.”

The painter scoffed, “Some of us,” He fixed the collar of my sleeves, “Are art even when we’re working, rookie. Let’s get going.”

On his command, I walked over to a seat that stood in front of a white curtain and underneath a white sea. I half expected Sheriff, or so he called himself, to sit down and just start painting but he didn’t. Instead, he approached.

“Do I have your permission, Mr. Fabulous?”

Me: “Where are you coming up with all these nicknames?” Because in all my life I had only ever been The Fabolous Doc Hudson and now this man, who had only known for a second, was introducing nicknames like a religious leader read out scriptures from a bible. He just stared at me as though for a second he had forgotten who I am. He didn’t answer. Finally, I gave him permission. Touching my hair, he arranged it into a bun the the adjusted the collars of my shirt, once more, fiddled with my jacket and finally, “Hold these, lavender boy.” he passed me a bundle of lavenders to hold.

“Good,” he stood back, running a hand through his hair. It was only then that I realised that whilst I might be a masterpiece, he was too. Down to the very freckle on his skin, the ghost of the smile or the gun that was still tucked into it’s holder.

“You know that guns are…”

He cut me off, “It’s bad luck to distract an artist. Even worse luck if you’re going to flirt with them.”

Me: “The poets would beg to differ.” But he wasn’t listening, instead he simply sat down, picked up a paintbrush and started to paint. I watched how his hands twitched as he etched me outline. How he chewed on his bottom lip when he was concentrating. How every time he made a mistake, an incorrect line, a blurry one, he tapped his head agitatedly against the easel and started again. How his hands did not shake as he flicked the paint of the paintbrush because he had clarity that everything was going to be alright and a spray of paint did nothing to change that. He wasn’t confident with his work but not scared either. Not wanting to be broken but not afraid of damage.

Shakespeare reminded me that I was his muse when he declared, “Stay still.” And I did my best to play my role in this film. Because one of the reasons why the moon dies to let the sun breathe is because she inspired her. If I couldn’t become art here then I couldn’t become art anywhere and no sun would let me die.




DOC

In this film, it seemed like the painting had started just seconds before it ended. In reality, hours had stretched together and Sheriff’s had had begin to ache. Placing his paintbrush down, he stopped but forbade me to see what he had already done.

“We’re stopping now, rookie,” He illustrated, “You can go home now or you can stay for a little while.”

Me: “I would love to stay.”

Sheriff nodded.

“Would you like coffee?”

I just stared at him, completely in a daze.

“I’ll take that as a yes then.” Sheriff answered after a long period of silence. Standing up, he walked towards a closet, opened the draws and drew out four mugs. Turning a coffee machine on and, finally, placing his gun down on the kitchen bench, he pressed his hair back, and began to make the coffee. When he sat down again, he handed one of the coffee’s to me and kept three to himself.

I was perplexed, “Your going to have three.” I said.

Sheriff shrugged, “It’s been a bad few weeks.” I watched as he grasped the first of his and sipped from my own. It wasn’t bad coffee. And then again I doubted that anything from the hands of a masterpiece could be. As I drunk, my ring showed above the cusp of the mug.

We sat there in silence for a while til’ a knock on the door sounded another’s approach.

Sheriff’s father opened the door. He stood in the limelight, looking, somehow, older and taller than he had before. The light highlighted his wrinkles as well as the bags under his eyes. My god, I thought, my god.

“Hey, son.” He said, “We need to talk.” Sheriff glanced at his father’s Sheriff badge, at the gun on the table, and then, finally at me. He shock his head. I knew what that meant. I wasn’t wanted here any more. Although my arrogance tried to push me to argue, to say that I was needed, that I was the best person that could be here right now, I pushed that part away.

“I’ll come back after my race tomorrow,” I said and with that I picked up my jacket, swung it over my shoulders and left. The lavender lay discarded on the snow white floor.




SHERIFF

Before my father could say anything more, I closed the door behind him. Just to make sure that that rookie racer wouldn’t listen in.

“What is it?” I asked.

“There’s a fire in Route 66. That’s my jurisdiction. I need to go put it out.”

I shock my head, “I thought you was done with things like that. Remember, what happened last time. Last time…”

My Father cut through my words. He placed a hand on his Sheriff badge, “Son. Look at this badge. It’s my duty to protect my people. I can’t not go. I just wanted to tell you where I was going.”

I sighed. There seemed to be a thousand flowers blooming in my heart. Something in me knew that they would all wilt in the end.

“Okay.” Reaching up, I placed my hand on his cheek. Traced the scars there.

“Just be careful.”

“I’m always careful, son.” My father lied…

And I was alone.




SHERIFF

My father gone and the light of my work extinguished I couldn’t bear stay in that house. So I went to Sal’s instead.

I was still there in the morning.

Sal’ sat drinking tea in the dark. It was more poetic, like that, she told me but I didn’t know what the poets would say about the many burns that frequently covered her hands. The radio crackled on one side of her and she listened to it as she drunk. If there were any passerbyers on the street, on peering on at the window that morning at sun set, then they would see only this. Sal’ sitting up straight and then the tea forgotten. Her crumbling down, placing her head in her hands, ruining her porcelain makeup.

That was the first sight I saw when I walked in, wearing a plain white shirt with my gun clasped in my hands… My love bent over, weeping. It hurt my heart to see her like that. Walking over, I lifted her head up. Whipped the tears away from her cheeks.

“Sal, darlin’, what happened?”

She shock her head, still refusing to meant my eyes, “God, Sheriff. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Me: “It’s okay darlin’,”

Her, shaking her head harder, “No. No it’s really not.” Burying her head in her shoulder, she cried for a second more. Then, whipping her tears away slowly, she looked up at me. Red eyes. Smudged makeup.

“Did your father tell you were he went last night?”

Me, still, speechless, nodding my head.

“He’s not coming back.”

I shock my head, “What do you mean?”

Sally tried to whip more tears away. Smudged her makeup just a little bit more, “He’s…”

Everything was a blur after that. Something between dream and reality but oh so fatal.

My hand drifted toward my gun, “Stop it, Sal’,” I said. Unconciously, falling back as I shock.

Sally’s eyes were still fixated on mine, “He’s…”

“No. No.” Almost too the wall now, I was drawing my gun out.

“Dead.”

“I said stop it!” And, although I didn’t know it, I raised my gun. Sal’ stood at the barrel of it. She didn’t quake, rather, she outstretched a hand out, palm-up.

“Give me the gun, Sheriff.” She said, low, almost a whisper, “Sheriff. Give me the gun.” Somehow the whispers parted my reality from the dream. Somehow, that calm reached my anger and unfolded it out to me like an open book. I handed the gun down out to her and stopped. Falling into her, she threw the gun away and put her hands around my body. Holding me tight. Holding all my broken pieces together as I sobbed into her sweatshirt.

“I’m sorry.” I said over and over again just in case the world would miss it.

Her: Endless, “It’s okay,”’s on repeat…

And, “That’s just how you break.”




SHERIFF

When we finally we broke apart, two petals falling from the bud of a flower, I ran a shaking hand through my hair, “I don’t want to be a painter anymore. Da never wanted me to be one. He wanted me to be a sheriff, just like him. I’ve let him done.”

She took my hand in hers, “What about that racer? VOGUE commission?”

Me: “I can’t.”

Her: “You can. One final portrait and then I’ll help you walk in his shoes.”




DOC

After I finished the race, I fulfilled my promise. I knocked on the door. Saw Sheriff open it.

I didn’t even look at how red his eyes were before I said it. I just threw the comment away, “Huh, that’s odd. Your father opened the door last time.”

“Yeah,” Sheriff snapped, “Well, here’s not here today, rookie.” With that, I noted that his eyes filled with tears. He turned his head away so as not to be seen by me and someone else grabbed his hand. Sal’s hand was thin and fragile against his burly and strong, “It’s okay,” she said, “Let him in. Painting will help.” Sheriff nodded and, as if just on her command, opened the door to let me in. He didn’t say anything else.
“Same position as last time?” I asked. A nod. I sat down on the chair. Ready to be a muse, I picked up the flower, not yet wilted, and placed it between my hands- Yet, there were flowers that had wilted and there was a Shakespeare who could not play his part. He picked up a paintbrush, attemtped a stroke, failed. The brush clattered out of his hands.

“I can’t do this god damn it. I can’t. He’s dead and I am blind to beauty. I can’t see colour. I cannot see light. I can’t…”

“I know,” whispered Sal from the back and, looking at me, “Maybe you should leave.”

I turned my attention towards Sheriff, “I’ll guide your hand,” I announced and, seeing Sheriff nod, came to stand beside him. Instantly, I felt awe at what he had already done. There was my outline already sketched. The lines of my clothes, my boots, the flower. All that was left was my face and colour to add.

“Damn,” I complimented, “It’s already Fabulous.”

Sheriff used one hand to wipe away tears, “Not quite.”

“Me, no really.”

Him: “Show me your beauty,”

And, with one shaking hand, he picked up the brush.

Reaching forward, I drew a stroke across the paper, “My jawline starts here and it’s sharp.” Sheriff drew a line lightly where I had gestured. I nodded. He really was a masterpiece, “Pretty.” And gesturing again, “So basically you were draw my lips, nose, eyes and eyebrows there.” Sheriff started on my lips, “Good.” My nose, “A little smaller.” Then, “That’s it babe.” Sheriff drew my eyes next and my eyebrows, “Slightly more angled than yours.” Lastly, my hair. The bun with dreadlocks sticking out and folding over. I smiled when Sheriff sat back to look at it, letting the brush rest once more. The portrait was beautiful, heavenly so that it was like looking at God from afar. That was too say, it was a perfect reflection of the view I had every time I looked into the mirror. The only thing left to add was colour. I guided Sheriff’s hand with that too. Finished, Sheriff put his brush down. Sal’ made us coffee whilst it dried.

And then, hours later, we crowded around it. Peering at it from all directions. Under my guidance, Sheriff made a few touchups and then it was done. It was over.

“VOGUE’s going to love this,” Sally lulled.

Me: “They damn right better.”

As Sal’ said she was proud of Sheriff I added that I was too.

Sheriff turned to face me, “I should give you money. For the guidance.”

I shock my head, “For what? Seeing the beauty in the world, shouldn’t come with a price. Oh and Sheriff,” I said, “I’m sorry for your loss.” Blurred eyes. Pale cheeks. Holster without a gun. Sheriff wrapped his hands around me and gave me a hug. The act surprised me, I hadn’t been hugged by anyone except for Smokey, in years. I had forgotten how good it felt as I pressed myself against his body. Let him hold me. And then just for the sake of it, just because I could, I kissed him.

“Art on paper might be beautiful,” I said, “But more so is the reality behind it. And that reality is you.” With that, I turned around, swung my jacket over my shoulder and gave Sally a kiss on the cheek- I even picked up the flower, winking, “I think I’ll keep this. It suits me.” - Before leaving to prepare for my next race.

Yet, when he called my name, as I hoped he would, I knew I would come running.







I presume that your shaking your head right now. Saying, you spent a paragraph telling me that you were going to write a story about why the sun loves the moon so much she dies every night so that she can smile and then went fuck the sun and the moon(!) And spent the whole rest of the story talking about some people called Doc and Sheriff. I mean, come on! The betrayal! Is evident! For those who think that listen closely now. Say that the sun is Sheriff and the moon is Doc. Then the moon thinks that the sun is beautiful, inside and out, whilst she is only incredibly flawed. The moon is willing to die for the beauty of a smile.




#cars #cars headcanons #doc hudson #sheriff #doc and sheriff #doc and sheriff cars #hudson hornet #cars fanfiction #cars au #cars fandom #sally carrera #doc and sheriff fanfiction #with sally carrera appearances... jk its HER fanfiction #sally carrera fanfiction

[norihisahyuga-archived]

I've read some of your recent fic that includes trans characters and I wanted to ask you something. On several posts I've seen on this sight, I've seen people say not to write trans characters having certain kinds of sex (like trans men having vaginal sex) because of dysphoria, but I've seen you write those kinds of things anyway. So my question is, well two questions: Why do you write that stuff anyway? And what do you think about those posts?

apologies for getting back to you on this so late because i saw this before i went in to work but i didn’t have time to sit down and give a proper, well-thought out answer before i had to go in for the night. but i’ve been thinking about this all night just the same. it’s a good set of questions to ask, in my opinion. i’ve seen several of the posts you’re talking about, the tutorials on how to write transgender characters, the do’s and don’t’s of doing so. i think a lot of the points made are excellent points, but i’ve also seen some that i don’t necessarily agree with and don’t use in my own writing.

that being said, i’m always a transgender/nonbinary man. those posts are most likely not written for me in the first place. but we’ll get to that, i’m going to answer your first question first.

to be completely blunt and honest with you, transgender people all have different individual experiences. not all trans people suffer from dysphoria, and assuming this is so is incorrect. dysphoria is the disconnect between what gender/sex you are assigned at birth versus the gender you are. a trans man might have been assigned female at birth (afab for short) but he’s a man, so he might experience dysphoria. this can cause quite a few mental health issues, too, because for some people, dysphoria is very distressing and painful.

the thing is, not all trans people suffer from dysphoria, and not all trans people experience dysphoria in the same way. some people have dysphoria in relation to certain parts of their bodies, but not necessarily all parts of their bodies. a trans man might feel dysphoria about his chest, and not his genitals, or vice versa, or all of the above, or sometimes not at all. the idea that dysphoria is necessary to the experience of being a trans person is a very hurtful and incorrect narrative to paint around trans people. don’t listen to people who push this viewpoint, because they are wrong.

with that thought process in mind, it would go to say that not all trans people are going to be intimate in the same way. someone might be dysphoric enough that it affects their sex life and the way they have sex, and some people not at all. some people might not enjoy certain activities or sensations, or want to be touched in certain places. in the same vein, some people might be completely fine with most things. as each person has a different experience, each person is going to have a different relationship with sex.

to answer your second question: those posts are, to my knowledge, usually aimed at cisgender people who are writing transgender characters. coming from this point of view, i can understand why they are written and what is written in them a little easier. to be blunt once more, most of what we know about the common experience of a trans person is filtered through what cis people want to believe being trans is. the stereotypes about kids who grew up rejecting dresses and skirts, who only played with trucks and action figures. this isn’t an across the board experience, but one post on this website that i’ve seen discussed how some doctors refuse to believe a person is trans unless they follow this very cookie cutter outline of what it means to be trans.

and this is coming from people who are, themselves, not trans.

these posts are not, i don’t believe, trying to reinforce these ideas about trans people as all-consuming fact with no nuance involved. they’re telling cis people the easiest ways to not be offensive, to not be voyeuristic, to not write in ways that are transphobic. with that in mind, i think those posts can be useful. after all, cis people are not trans. they do not have the trans experience. they do not and never will understand the complex relationship that each person can have with their body and their gender, and the ways they go about making themselves feel happy and whole and complete as human beings. it’s not an experience they can ever understand, so they can’t write with experience in mind.

which makes it very easy to fall back on bad stereotypes, on undermining the masculinity of trans men or the femininity of trans women, on completely misunderstanding what it means to be nonbinary. it’s very easy for them to do, as most of us grew up in transphobic societies that taught us these awful stereotypes and ideas about what being trans means. in an effort to be inclusive or sensitive, cis people can end up being insulting and derogatory in their writing. i can’t count on both hands how many times i’ve read something about trans characters that was upsetting or gross because it was offensive, and not even written in a way that was meant to be offensive.

cis people should seriously follow a lot of the advice i’ve seen in those posts because they tend to be aimed at not insulting or demeaning trans people or the trans experience. the simple fact is that cis people… aren’t trans, and so they aren’t going to experience the same things trans people do. they aren’t going to be able to mimic that in their writing and even cis people who try to write trans people well have failed before (believe me, i’ve seen so much bad writing by people who thought they were doing a good thing). there’s a dissonance that comes every time you have people trying to capture a story that isn’t theirs to tell or an experience they have never have, or never will.

but i’m a trans person, and i write about the trans experience i have, and the experiences of my friends, and the wide array of experiences that i’ve heard from people in my community. i’ve had people tell me that they feel better represented in some of what i’ve written, and that’s good to hear, because trans people are all varied and different, so the writing about trans people should be varied and different as well, and include lots of different experiences.

primarily by trans people, of course.

#this got long anon i'm so sorry i just had a lot to say #Anonymous #asks

[seraphimagick-blog]

Unlocking the Code: Part One

They ask which came first: the chicken or the egg. In her novels, award winning author J.K. Rowling presents us all with an interesting answer: that a cycle has no beginning. And so this is where we must start; by acknowledging that our life is a complex code, with no start or finish. We as humans are a matrix of complex DNA, a question of nature vs. nurture, and a fight for survival.

In my short time upon this earth, I have come to many startling realizations and epiphanies, but one that I know to be true is that personal opinion is not as valuable as science, reason, fact, or logic. The weight of the majority must not counterweigh the importance of the individual so much so, as to cause social, or cognitive dissonance.

In our day-to-day lives, we are presented with options… And many only seem to effect us personally: what we wear, or eat for example. However there is something deeper many of us don't realize: that no individual dwells on an island… And that there truly is a butterfly effect. Think deeper about this subject for a brief moment, and meditate on the topic. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and recognize, how much the world around you seems to hold you down.

Think today of all of the things you have done thus far, have done, or could do. You may be weighed down with all of the anxiety of things you must do, people you must meet… You may be depressed about things that occurred long ago… You might be angry about issues you are having. Perhaps you are frustrated about issues at work, or home… Upset, or scared about an upcoming test or surgery,  nervous for a friend or coworker…

Think of all of the invisible threads that connect us as people, living and deceased… Even pets, or plants… Maybe food, or hobbies? All of the things that tie you to this universe, and to this earth… Things that you chose… Or others chose for you… A cycle? Nobody knows where it started, or when it will stop… It just is…

Some of it… The beautiful meals with family you may have had, or nights out with friends… Are incredible. Other parts like war, death, poverty, disease… Are painful to bear witness to and seem neverending. The power of one individual may seem too small to make that much of a difference… THIS IS A LIE!

Everything is connected: evey living, and nonliving being… It truly doesn't matter how it came to be, or what you believe in the end. If you choose to believe in God, satan, Alah, Jehovah, or any other religious deity or nothing af all, that is a personal choice. While yes, obviously something (or someone) created the heavens, earth, and everything on them… Why should we fight over the logistics of how it occurred?

If the bible, or Quran, or any other religious text is correct… Does that mean all others are totally incorrect? Are we all so totally conceited that we are willing to start wars, kill families and children, drop bombs that destroy countries, and ruin the lives of entire civililizations over what we believe to be true? Yes, it may be true. But are we such animals, that we are willing to slaughter each other over what someone else believes?

Whether it was a Big Bang, or Jesus Christ, or the Greek gods, is strikingly irrelevant. Look around you! War, death, poverty, disease, drug addiction, people dying in the streets… It is something that any higher power would look at and in my view, would call upon any individual to treat people kindly, and with peace, love, and understanding.

We are connected in a very deep way, and this is obvious… Whether it is due to some form of magick, evolution, divine intervention, governmental conspiracy… I don't care. I just wish for people to truly achieve what they are capable of. I have watched many go from rags to riches… And how they did it. I observed their mistakes, and how they managed to turn it around…

The strategies, methods of thinking, opinions, and tools outlined in these pages are my own personal beliefs. I consider myself somewhat of a teacher… A shaman, an author, a bit of an eccentric… But mosty, I just want to make a positive impact on the world. Before we continue… I must warn you that this book can, and will change your life. I know everyone says that. I know it sounds like some kind of sales gimmick. People lie all the time, and wear masks because they feel it helps them get by in their day-to-day life.

I am just someone who happens to be extremely observant, and is trying to document what I feel has helped me, and so many others  to turn their lives around. This isn't a religious (or anti-religious) book. It isn't a secular rant about how much trans people deserve our rights (while yes, we should have our rights, and anyone who believes differently can kindly return this book to its shelf, and keep your money and transphobic nonsense to yourself). I am not after fame, or fortune (although a small loan of a million dollars would be nice).This is not about politics, or anything similar. I am merely looking to help others, and make a positive impact in the only way I know I am good at (which happens to be writing).

This book: “Unlocking the Code”, is my honest attempt to explain how people like myself who are INFJ-T personality types, organize our thoughts, and also give a deeper look into a more universal and neutral philosophical viewpoint. I will explain how changing your thought process, daily routine, and thus editing the code that is you and the world around you, can change the program that is your life… And create a better operating system: the world

I know that this sounds totally lofty, and hopeful, but I know it can be done. Time and time again, I have witnessed what others have thought to be crazy occur, due to the processes outlined in this book. I once saw a meme that said “If someone tells you that you're crazy, just remember there's some rich jerk out there, laughing their head off who invented the pool noodle”.

One small event or idea can change a lot not just for others, but for you personally. Rome was not built in a day but that doesn't mean that you cannot make something amazing happen in a day! This is 2017, and we have technology. Ther are almost 8 billion people on this planet… Even without money, resources, etc… There is always a way. Sometimes, we have to acknowledge our options, and figure out a positive strategy to move ahead.

To better explain what I mean, let me first break down what an INFJ-T even is. INFJ-T, is a Myers-Briggs type that is extremely rare… And I happen to fall right on the cusp between two types: “the advocate” and “the architect”. I would highly recommend that anyone who is struggling with personal thought process organization, learn their personality type, as it can help bring clarity to how your brain works, and how you interact with others, the world around you, and even yourself.

My personal type… Basically breaks down to: I-Introvered this means that I prefer to be alone, require quiet, and get social anxiety. I perform best when I make plans for myself, and can think on my own terms. N-Needs I am needs based… I see what myself, and others need. I try to figure  out ways to fill them. My biggest problem is that I cannot figure out all of them at once, and get overwhelmed with anxiety around people. F-Feelings I am extremely empathic… I let my feelings rule me at times.Sometimes I let my heart overrule my head, and get in my way… However, I see very clearly and read what other people are feeling as well. J-Judgements I wait and pass judgment only when I have to. But once I am at a conclusion, I make a decision, I know what I have to do, and I do it. I don't care how crazy it looks or sounds, or if it bothers someone, so long as it doesn't hurt them, or me. T-thinking I think constantly… My mind is like a supercomputer… constant buzzing, and taking down data… As I take in data of needs, feelings, and judgements… I assess, reevaluate, and make plans… Then construct what I can for the future.

Overall, I construct ways to help others… This book, is an attempt to document how my brain works, so that others can hopefully gain something from the knowlege, experience, strength, and hope, that I have gathered over time.

Please have paper and pen (or something to write and draw with) handy. I would recommend that you allot yourself around an hour per day to yourself (however you have to do that) to be alone with just you, this book, and whatever else you may need (any required texts, tools, etc. will be outlined at the beginning of each chapter)

Before you go any further, please stop and think. Think of the things that you have done today, and truly reflect on them… Really think… Think as hard as you can, and truly focus. Let me explain, and demonstrate what I mean. Say you were reading this in the morning, right after a shower… where did the water come from? Was it purified? What is in it? What is in your soap? How did it react with your skin?

While all of these things may seem irrelevant, they all have an impact, and an effect on how the code of your body, and (by butterfly effect) the world work and run. Take for example your shower. Close your eyes, and envision your routine, just today… How could something as small as purifying the water, changing the soap, or altering the temperature of the water make that large an impact on your (or anyone else’s) life? Well… The answer lies in the butterfly effect, and how It effects your body's code, and the systems of everything around you… If may sound totally crazy, but hear me out:

Say you have to pay for hot water, or that there is a weird chemical in your water that is irritating your skin. Say your body wash has a fragrance that bothers your boss, or someone who you had a job interview with (causing you not to get that job), Obviously you cannot control what bothers them, but, you can control what keeps you afloat, happy, healthy, safe, and secure.

If you couldn't afford hot water, maybe you could take a bath instead, or explore cheaper soaps? If it bugs your interviewer, maybe offer to change it, of ask if they have asthma or a problem with strong smells? You could try looking online for other jobs, and see about posting your resume (maybe make one while you were online looking at those soaps), and email that interviewer? Make a mental, or physical checklist. If you have to, boil water for a bath. If you're short on cash, and your skin is irritated, look into things that may help, whether you have to go to a DR. or have to look it up on your phone, in a library, on a computer, etc. Reflect on your personal power to change what is bothering you and causing problems, and how you can make it better.

Much of the time, I find that we allow ourselves to become our own worst enemies: thinking that we have hit a brick wall, when in reality we are just beginning. We make excuses, procrastinate, or come up with a million reasons why we can't do something. Many times, it is as simple as taking a step back, taking a few steadying breaths, and letting ourselves think of our options.

While many of us are capable and able to do great things, we get bogged down by what others say, worry about what others are doing, and allow others to have power over us that is completely unjustified. Even those of us with “handicaps”, or “disabilities”, can find a successful path with hard work,

Anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses are a perfect example of what I mean. They are an invisible illness. It is hard, but not impossible to manage. You just have to adjust accordingly, and make sure you set a routine, or you can fall back into unhealthy habits (not taking meds, poor self-care, hospitalizations)... And while this may seem an extreme, or bigoted example, I only use it because I feel that to a certain extent, everyone suffers from some degree of mental illness. It is more that it (like everything else in life) is a spectrum. Some people are extremely anxious, or depressed. Some people have intense anger issues, or sleep problems.

Learning to control what goes on in your brain and body, is of crucial importance. It isn't a “everyone needs to take this medication, or do this” kind of thing. It is a “everyone is a unique person, with a unique body and brain structure, a unique set of experiences, and a individual set of beliefs. Therefore, everyone has specific needs that they must attend to.” Kind of thing.

In this book, I hope to help people find themselves, and the tools they need to achieve happiness, and success. I don't care if I help all of 2 people… Because quite frankly I am one person, and my life is worth no more than anyone else's.

I know that many may be skeptical to read this book due to “she's trans”, or “she's so young”, or, “how does it actually work?”. Skepticism, and lack of trust are normal. You probably have never met me in person, you may not have even met a trans person before. You may be wondering what I am truly after in writing this book, or if it is worth the price near the barcode.

I honestly don't give two craps if you were to find it online for a dollar. I don't care if you're reading a copy you stole online, or illegally downloaded. It is merely to help others, and hopefully bring myself some further clarity.

Before we delve into the hard work that is unraveling the complex code of the universe (god I love saying that), I will leave you with some words of wisdom for the next chapter.

Self-care is crucial. Your body is like a battery: it requires certain chemicals and processes to stay charged. Once it is charged, you can start worrying about others. You will notice how easy it is to change something seemingly small, but how big of an effect it can have.

At first this can be baffling. Many may think they are hallucinating, or it is too good to be true. Some may think it is divine intervention, or else wait for something bad to happen. This is the number one mistake many of us make. Stagnancy and procrastination are humanities worst enemy: we allow ourselves to think we cannot do something. The solution is to truly push ourselves, but also to take time for ourselve, and be kind to one another.

In the end, we must realize that every day, is a new beginning. Every moment, every nanosecond… Is a new moment. Time cannot be calculated accurately (at least not 100%), so why worry? We just need to do the best we can for us, and those around us. Everything has the power to change for the better, or worse.

The world, is a complex operating system, as is the human body. We have the power to edit it as we please. The problem many of us face, is we don't use that power to its fullest potential, or we allow others to take control and start spiraling. We slip and fall, and don't get back up (or when we do, we don't know what to do). We feel we are forced to rely on others, when in reality, we only truly need ourselves, and the power of our own will to achieve whatever we must do to alter our own personal code in the way we see fit.

In the next chapter, I will discuss personal, professional, and social interactions. I will outline how to recognize toxicity in relationships, various mental and physical disorders, how to read people, how to nail job interviews, and more. Please enjoy.

Solaris A. Moreau -Official Solaris Code

#unlockingthecode selfhelp philosophy