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missmentelle · 3 years

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lately ive been struggling with delusions and i cant bring them up with my current psych because she's really ableist. im not sure when ill be able to get a new psych, but im hoping soon. often im unable to tell that my delusions arent reality and i talk about them as though theyre real, and its starting to upset my friends. im wondering if you have tips on how i could manage this until i get a new psych, or maybe tips on how i could find a psych thatd work for me? i havent seen a new one in yrs

Hey, I’m really sorry to hear that you’re dealing with an unsupportive psychiatrist or psychologist. It’s always very disappointing when a mental health professional holds such damaging views about the people they are supposed to be supporting.

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to manage delusions on your own, aside from getting on the right dose of the correct medication. It is, unfortunately, not really possible to talk someone out of a delusion. It’s especially unlikely that you’ll be able to talk yourself out of a delusion, as by definition, you won’t be able to tell if you’re in the middle of one. You can try to prevent delusional episodes by keeping your stress levels down as much as possible, but this is not foolproof, and it may be very difficult to avoid stress while you are living through an unprecedented global pandemic/climate catastrophe/economic crisis combo.

If you struggle with delusions and you don’t have the correct medication yet, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to make sure that the people around you are aware of the situation and know what to do if you start having a delusion. This is a symptom that really takes a team effort to manage properly, and it’s essential that your friends and family know what to do:

Loved ones should be made aware of your delusions, including their common themes. It can be an extremely scary experience for everyone involved when someone starts saying and believing things that are completely detached from reality. Your loved ones need to know that this is something that happens to you sometimes, and they need to know some of the common delusions that they should look for. If you often have delusions that involve thinking there are secret messages on TV, for instance, that’s something your loved ones should know to look for so they can recognize it as soon as it starts happening.

Loved ones should record the time, duration, intensity and content of your delusions. Whenever you have a delusional episode, the people around you should note down what you were doing when it started, how it started, how long it went on for, how intense it was, and what kinds of things you were saying and doing. This information can be helpful for trying to figure out what - if anything - makes you more likely to have a delusion, and what kinds of delusions you are more likely to have. When you do find a good doctor, this will also be useful information for them to have.

Loved ones should remain as calm as possible. Delusions are often very scary for the person experiencing them - it is common for someone experiencing a delusion to believe that someone is after them, that they are being monitored by the government or some other large organization, that someone is sending them secret messages through ordinary TV broadcasts, or that their food has been contaminated or poisoned in some way. These are very scary, and people experiencing delusions are often in a state of extreme panic or fear. This is why it’s important for loved ones to recognize what is happening, and remain calm - if they also become panicked or fearful, it will only make you more afraid. To best support you during a frightening delusion, they should aim to be collected, reassuring and soothing. They should speak in short, clear sentences, and validate your emotions - if you seem very frightened, they can simply say “That sounds very scary, I am very sorry this is happening to you.”

Loved ones should not “play along” with the delusions, but they also should not try to talk you out of it. It is not possible to talk someone out of a delusion. Playing along with a delusion is also unhelpful, as it can make the person experiencing the delusion more agitated and even more disconnected from reality. Instead, your loved ones should simply try to redirect you - they should assure you that everything is okay, allow you to express your feelings and experiences, and then try to turn your attention toward a conversation or activity that is less frightening for you. If you are suddenly panicked that all the food in the house has been poisoned and are insisting you need to throw out all the food, for instance, your loved ones should not argue with you, but should simply assure you that everything is okay and try to direct you to another activity, like going for a walk with them.

Loved ones should try to safeguard you until the delusion passes. The vast majority of people who experience psychosis or delusions never become violent. However, there is a risk of harming yourself or ending up in legal trouble while in a deluded state, and loved ones should take steps to try to make sure you are safe. You should, for instance, absolutely be prevented from driving while in a delusional state. Some people have a tendency to make strange online purchases or book plane tickets while delusional - if that is the case with you, it’s probably best if you be prevented from accessing your credit cards until you’ve recovered.

If you become a danger to yourself and others, or if your delusions aren’t passing on their own, your loved ones should seek help right away. There are, unfortunately, limits to what your loved ones can manage on your own, and your safety has to be top priority. If you are at serious risk of harming yourself and your loved ones aren’t able to keep you safe, there needs to be a plan in place for how to get you help. If your loved ones can safely transport you to a hospital, that is one option. If they cannot, they should contact your local mobile crisis mental health team, if possible (this is a travelling team of mental health nurses and professionals who respond to mental health emergencies - this service may or may not be available in your area). If it exists, your loved ones all need to have the phone number for that service and be comfortable calling them. If 911 is the only option, your loved ones need to know when to make that call, and they should be prepared to accompany you to the hospital to advocate for your, or to request a patient advocate once you arrive (most hospitals in North America, at least, will have an advocate available - this is a person who knows your rights and ensures that everything is being properly explained to you and your family).

As far as locating a good doctor goes, I think your best bet is to seek out recommendations from your peers - try to connect with people with similar mental health struggles in your area, and ask them if they are happy with their current doctor. There may also be an organization in your area that can make recommendations - most areas will have a local schizophrenia or psychosis society (or something with a similar name) that may be able to point you toward doctors they’ve heard good things about. If your area has a specific psychosis team or clinic, that may also be a good place to start - they will specialize in your specific symptoms, and generally have a better understanding of how to work with you in a constructive way.

It’s also important that you start looking for a new doctor right away. Early intervention is critical when it comes to symptoms of psychosis - the sooner you get proper treatment, the better you’ll respond to treatment and the greater your odds that you’ll be able to successfully manage your condition. Although delusional episodes may pass on their own, the underlying condition won’t - without treatment, delusional episodes tend to become more severe and longer-lasting over time, and you may begin to experience other symptoms of psychosis like auditory hallucinations or a severe disruption of your sleep patterns. Early treatment can mean a huge improvement to your overall quality of life, and I really cannot emphasize enough how important it is for you take that step as soon as you can. Best of luck to you! MM

#Anonymous

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detransexual · 3 years

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Its always weird to me when someone talks about the effects of Testosterone on the female body and someone brings up clitoral growth as a horrible, irreversible deformity lol?? Big clits are superb yall are just cowards lmao. Like if you're gonna talk about detrimental effects at least focus on the risk of painful hypersensitivity rather the aesthetic part? Because there are people who get so sensitive that wearing underwear gets uncomfortable and/or painful. I also saw someone claim that theres a big risk T will make ur clit "dead to sensations!" with absolutely no fuckin source other than "uhhh i heard someone say it on reddit once!" which i highly doubt is a statistically relevant risk lmao.

Idk man i just think its a really shit argument if you're trying to discuss the risks of Testosterone when there's actual health complications that are not just aesthetic.

You know what else is shitty? Fear mongering rather than trying to inform people of the actual risks and the liklihood of complications, as well as the uncertainty when it comes to long term consequences.

It is REALLY disingenuous to claim shit like "you WILL get a heart attack and cancer and DIE! Its GONNA HAPPEN its just a matter of when!!" when there's no scientific basis for that claim. There is scientific evidence of an increased risk, and that risk might turn out to be higher than it currently seems to be, but there is NO fucking basis to run around telling people they're 100% going to die young from cancer or a heart attack.

There is a risk of nipple grafts failing after a masectomy, but that chance is around 2%, so claiming shit like "nipple grafts almost ALWAYS die and fall off and its disgusting and horrifying!" is just flat out lies, the same way that claiming "you'll live with horrible nerve damage and pain for the rest of your life and your scars are gonna look horrible and you'll live the rest of your life as a sad, deformed freak!!" is also so blatantly transparent. Shoutout to the very compassionate radfems who tried to convince me of that when i was a 19 year old in excruciating pain despite being high on opioids recovering from a massive surgery, definitely feminist praxis to try to scare a teenager who's already gone through the surgery ur fearmongering about.

I WANT there to be more information about the negative effects and risks of transition! But that needs to be based in reality and scientific studies rather than your own personal disgust, which is all it is when you're just desperately trying to fear monger people out of transitioning rather than actually striving for people to have the ability to make fully informed decisions, which is not possible right now due to a lack of long term studies, but it certainly isnt helped by your personal moral panic.

This is a big part of why i dont give a shit what most radfems think/say about transition. Unless you have been through a transition yourself or work with detransitioners or do research about it i simply do not trust you to actually have the best interests of transitioners OR detransitioners at heart.

Stop with the fucking "oh woe is her she poisoned her feminine body with the evil hormones that are gonna give her cancer and heart disease at 27 and her nipples are gonna fall off and she's oh so tragically broken and repulsive and she's gonna die alone and in pain, wont someone stop this corruption of those naive and pitiful girls! A woman with an elarged clitoris? Excessive body hair? A deep voice? No breasts?? How REPULSIVE!" narrative lmao, you do NOT fucking care about ftms OR detransitioners, because if you DID you would support studies on the actual risks of transition and make an effort to make the most accurate information possible accessible to those transitioning or considering transition, rather than spread baseless claims that are explicitly designed to scary people into doing what YOU want them to do.

Its not your life or your body, the best we can do is strive to make accurate information available and question the narrative that transition is the only option, because as long as it is presented as the only treatment it does not matter jack squat how much you lie and fearmonger about risks.

Dysphoric teens arent gonna choose not to transition just because you fearmonger about the risks, they're just gonna do it anyway and live with the added stress of being convinced they're gonna die an early and painful death, because they'll still think its their only chance at a happier life.

Obviously in an ideal world i dont think irreversible parts of medical transition should be done before someone's brain is fully formed, and ideally even then its going to be the LAST resort, but we're not gonna get there by lying and making baseless claims, it only makes us look disingenuous and easier to disregard.

#Detrans woes #Whooo long ramble anyway i guess im full of anger lol #Op

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creacherkeeper · 3 years

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[ID: a header showing the words “Kosis & disability” with a drawing of the main character. the word “kosis” is in original font, made to look like mossy stone. the “i” is speckled and distorted. the character has lavender skin, dark teal hair, and a white and purple striped sleeveless turtleneck. one of their hands is on their head and the other is over their stomach. they are crying with a grimace. the image is distorted and blurred to give it a look of unreality. end ID]

so kosis is the game i’m working on, as i mentioned yesterday! like i said, this one is a visual novel as opposed to an educational game, but it still deals heavily with disability and mental illness, so i wanted to talk about that a bit

summary: kosis is set in a world full of magical mushroom forests and adorable villages. but one day our hero comes across an ancient demon temple in the woods and learns the titans of the old world are rising again - and they don’t have much time to save their village

spoiler warning below the cut! discussion of mental illness, cw for medication

so as some of you may know, i’m schizophrenic. i have been since i was a kid. diagnosed & started treatment at age 20. growing up, i never saw positive portrayals of characters like me. schizophrenia was this scary thing, and characters with it were often violent, misguided, and wound up ... not okay, in the end, to put it lightly. this really affected my mental health, as still to this day, i get nervous disclosing my diagnosis & have a hard time seeing myself with a happy ending

kosis is my answer to the problem i have with schizophrenia in media. though not always a happy game, kosis has a main schizophrenic character that is not overly dark, is not horror, and does have a hopeful ending

at the beginning, the player has no reason to doubt anything that happens in the world of kosis. this world has fantastical creatures and giant glowing mushrooms - why not a demon temple and long-dead titans? but, as the game progresses, the player is meant to suspect something is off. through a mechanic called “assessments”, the player realizes that the hero doesn’t always come to logical conclusions. plus, no one else in the village can see these demons. and when our hero gets attacked, they’re the only one who seems to see any actual injuries

i wanted to show schizophrenia in a fictional world to replicate what the experience is like for some of us. when in an episode, the things we’re thinking and seeing feel very real and logical. if i set the game in our world, the player could understand fairly easily what was real and what wasn’t. they would start to doubt the hero much earlier. but, in the world of kosis, there’s no reason not to go along with our hero’s perception - at least for a time

it’s important to me to show that our hero, even when they’re frazzled and afraid, is never a danger to anyone else, and still cares deeply about their friends and village. mentally ill people are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators, but there is an idea in (american) society that mentally ill people are dangerous. i want our hero to be sympathetic and for their thought process to be understandable. if you thought titans were coming back to destroy the world, you’d probably be frantic to stop it too. i want to show that our hero is coming from a good place, but delusion, hallucination, and paranoia leads them to the wrong conclusions, and therefore the wrong actions as well

medication is used in the game to help the hero once their mental illness is discovered. this might be controversial to people with psychiatric conditions. but the game is based off my own experience. meds aren’t for everyone, but they’ve helped me get to a stable and healthier place. in the game, i emphasize that there are side effects to the medication that the hero may not want to tolerate forever. they choose to go on meds themselves, and also reserve the right to go off them in the future if they feel like its right. meds arent the ultimate or only answer - they also have their family, friends, and community to help them through it. though some of our hero’s actions are confusing, mostly the people around them are concerned and want to help. as much as i wanted to show some of what its like to live with schizophrenia, i wanted to model how the people around us can act with care and concern rather than derision or fear

while the ending of the game isn’t strictly joyful, it is a hopeful ending with our hero in a place of healing and surrounded by friends. mentally ill people deserve to see themselves with happy endings too. too many stories told about us end in tragedy. i wanted kosis to be different

future updates, including art, screenshots, and discussion will be posted to this blog under the tag “kosis game”!

#game dev #GameDev #indie game #actually disabled #actually schizophrenic #kosis game

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judefan850-blog · 4 years

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vampexx · 4 years

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I have tried a few times now to write this post but I just couldnt go forward with posting it, thinking its too personal...

But...here it goes...

I have always been a painfully shy, paranoid and self conscious person so being this open is really scary for me to say the least due to my struggles with confidence and self esteem...

And drawing has been something I did for as long as I can remember...and it was something that helped me growing up...

However, ever since high school in 10th grade, I have had almost all my drive and love for drawing drained from me from comparing myself to the other, "better," students in my art class and from my own art teacher who at first, in 9th grade, started as a somewhat positive influence but then the next year being really negative and rude.

I was the student that was told, "youre not done, go back to your seat, keep working," when going to my teacher for advice. When he said this, he would only glance at my work before turning me away. All while the other students received kind, positive and constructive criticism when I did not.

He even addressed me, out loud, in front of the class, regarding my low grade, saying, "the only reason you arent failing my class is because you did your homework last night."

For context: the homework assignment was some drawing exercises...and the reason my grade was low was because, it was towards the end of the year, I had completely given up on myself and my art so I didnt turn in a project. One, because I never cared enough to finish it and two, it was an act of rebellion on my part.

That was the first and only class where I actually had an F-....I didnt even know it was possible to get that low of a grade...but trust me, it is. My math grade was never even that low.

Now, this art class was something you had to submit a portfolio for it to be reviewed so these 2 art teachers could decide if you were accepted into this art program or not. (It was exoensive too, if I remember correctly, it was like $200 per semester, and I did this for 2 years).

And against my own self consciousness, while feeling like I was far less qualified than others, I challenged my self doubt and fear of rejection and tried out anyways...

And a few weeks later, I found out I was accepted. That moment went down as one my top, most proud moments. I was proud of myself for a change.

Only for that to change a couple years later...where the little pride and confidence I had left in not only myself, but my skills in art, just dropped so low.

On top of that, my academic grades while in this art program, were also dropping considerably due to the amount of stress I put myself through trying to meet everyone elses expectations and standards.

My painting and drawing teacher (the nice one, not the rude one) would encourage my love and skill for cartooning, charcoal and shading. My digital art teacher (the one who ended up being so rude to me in the following year), helped me realize my strengths in photoshop and with a tablet. He did praise me a few times, which did help, but it didnt last very long.

My downfall was the art class that I took in 10th grade, with my previous digital art teacher, which was "figure drawing." Basically, it was learning how to draw anatomy and being anatomically correct which I found out very early on, was not my strength....and it was the whole focus of the class for the entire year so I was screwed. My strengths were cartooning and caricatures, not anywhere near anything anatomically correct. I kean, I could draw a skeleton, but when it came to human figures and poses....I dont know why but I had a tough time. So that was the year that things really went downhill fast.

It just took the fun out of drawing and turned it into something that felt too forced.

However, in my experience with this class I learned something about myself that Im actually glad that I did...

Its that art is just a hobby for me. I learned that I hate drawing on demand, in a certain time frame, and drawing what someone else wants me to draw.

I want to draw only on my own terms and at my own pace.

I couldnt see that about myself because I was too concerned with everyone else and their skills in drawing.

A few years after I quit the art program, I really didnt draw all that much aside from little doodles and unfinished sketches on the edges of my homework and class notes. I didnt like anything that I drew anymore.

And when you lose love, drive and interest in something you were once so passionate about....it leaves a gaping hole in you. It makes you feel pointless, like there nothing special about you. Nothing that sets you apart from everyone else. It really is as depressing as it sounds.

I was lost.

However. I FELT FREE. I didnt have a constant reminder from several different people that I wasnt as good. No one to make me feel lesser than someone else. No one to put me down.

As a result, my academic grades improved back to As and Bs (excluding math in the 11th grade, I had like a D).

---

And I realize now that maybe I didnt learn all of this the hard way for no reason. Maybe its to also help someone so they dont have to learn the hard way like I did. Or maybe, its to reach out to those have experienced the same or similar things as me so that they dont feel alone. So that they know that them and their skills are still very much valuable and valid.

Because everyone goes at their own pace, no two people are ever the same.

Anyone can be good at anything.

Now I didnt want this post to discourage anyone from taking or considering an art class. Please understand that my experiences are unique to myself. Art classes are actually very helpful as long as your surrounded by positive and encouraging influences.

Just remember to be careful. Respect yourself and your abilities. Be patient with yourself. Have faith in yourself, dont give up. And last, but not least, know your worth and what you deserve when it comes to treatment.

---

Anyways, so up until a couple of years ago, I slowly started to get back into drawing.

I do love to draw, along with architecture and interior/ fashion design.

Im working to rediscover myself, even though I dont want to do it professionally...

So as I did years ago, I will challenge my self doubt again and try to put myself back out there.

So as anxietal as I am, I want to ask...

Would anyone be interested in seeing something I drew?

Might be an odd question and it might sound attention seeking but Im really just testing the waters....

I will add one little doodle I did the other day just to see....

I know its not that great and thats its nothing amazing but....its something Im proud of...however small it may be.

Im not sure how I feel when it comes to reposting...

I feel like I dont want people to repost it...

In case I ever feel like taking it down...

Idk.

Anyways....Im literally shaking Im so nervous...

But...Im trying to repair some old damage.

Have a miraculous day and thank you for your patience.

Again, please dont repost. At least until Im a little more comfortable.

Thank you

#vampexx #vampexx draws

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umbillicalnoose · 5 years

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i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

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jonathancrane-scarecrows · 5 years

Text

100 Important Character Questions

Part 1: The Basics

What Is your full name?

Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovitch

Where and when were you born?

08/10/1994 in Chicago

Who are/where your parents?

Terry Milkovitch is my dad, my mother... dont know her name.

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

Yeah my sister Mandy. We are both close. Shes a fighter, strong like a Milkovitch should be. Shes not afraid to tell you what shes thinking and I love that about her.

Where do you live now and with whom?

Chicago with Mandy and Terry.

What is your occupation?

Thug, pimp, security

To which Social class do you belong?

Poor, never going to get anywhere but that's fine.

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

Fuck no. I'm as strong as they get... well if you consider family a weakness then yeah. They mean everything to me.

Are you right or left handed?

Right handed

What does your voice sound like?

Noel Fishers voice = Face claim

What words and/or phrases do you uses very frequently?

Fuck off, Carrot Top, Tough guy, Fire crotch, Fuck you, shut the fuck up...list goes on.

What do you have in your pockets?

Why the fuck should that matter? Wallet, money... maybe a gun.

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

I'm a jealous person... can get violent when it comes to Caleb... I dont like it when others touch what's mine. ( Hes really Caleb's but... you know.) I drink, smoke and do drugs. It's better than dealing with the shit I deal with. Have a hard time being who I am... if people knew I'd be in a ditch somewhere.

Part 2: Growing up

How would you describe your childhood in general?

Violent. I grew up learning how to fight and dealing with my father. Of course it wasent all bad. Mandy was there with me through everything. Even stopped our dad from beating the shit out of me when he found a kid kissing me. Was the first kiss I had from a guy.

What is your earliest memory?

My dad beating the hell out of a guy that didnt pay up for a service he had done for him.

How much schooling have you had?

Plenty. I dropped out but schools not for everyone.

Did you enjoy school?

Fuck no. People always think they are better than you and if your poor they look at you like your scum. I left when I could.

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

My father of course. Mother left when we were young so everything I know Is from him. The good and the bad but that's what makes us Milkovitch.

While growing up, did you have any role models?

My dad but now I'd rather be far away from him as I could. Always in jail, causing fights. What a great role model right?

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

Never met my mother so nothing going on there. With Dad? Our relationship has never been the best. Mandy our relationship is amazing. I help her she helps me...Milkovitchs stay close to family. Through thick or thin.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Alive. Living the Milkovitch way is dangerous. All I want to to stay breathing.

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

Beating up the biggers kids, proving I wasent weak. Spending time with my sister.

As a child,what kinds of personality traits did you display?

Violent, jealousy, stayed with family through everything, need to be accepted ( Not very open with others about why), cautious, careful ( When he nedded to be), responsible.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

Fuck no. Never been the popular type. Friends? Not really I beat kids up more than anything. They all feared me.

When and with whom was your first kiss?

I was 13 and was a girl... dont remember her name. My dad told me I needed to show interest in girls so I kissed her. Made him happy and got him off my back.

Are you a virgin? If not,when and with whom did you loose your virginity.

No definitely not a virgin... havent been in some time. I was 15 and no one knows but I said it was Angie... wasent her. Was a guy.

Part 3: past Influences

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

Meeting Caleb. Might not be a big event to others but to me it was pretty big.

Who has had the most influence on you?

My father much to my distaste but hes all I've got beside my sister with family.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Staying alive. This world we live in it's not the greatest. The strong are the ones that will survive

What is your greatest regret?

Being a pussy and not admitting my feelings. Remaining in the closet.. afraid my father will kill me if I admit what I am.

What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

Does being a pimp count? I havent killed anyone yet. Came close many times with a gun pointed at them or me beating the fuck out of them.

Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

Fuck yeah I do. Been in Juvie a few times... ok more than a few. What can I say I'm a bad person.

When was the time you were most frightened?

When my father was beating the shit out of me when he saw a guy kiss me. The other got the worst of it.

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

Well finding out you like it up the ass is something I'd say qualifies.

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

Not being such a pussy about who I am. I'd change that fact because if I did I could be with who I wanted. Yeah my dad would be coming after me but at least I'd be worth it for Caleb.

What is your best memory?

Not many good ones but meeting Caleb for the first time was... it changed me.

What is your worst memory?

Fuck... I have too many bad ones to really say which was my worst.

Part 4: Beliefs & Opinions

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

Neither I'm a realist. I know how things are.

What is your greatest fear?

Loosing anyone close to me.

What are your religious views?

Honestly I could give less a fuck... but my family is Christian.

What are your political views?

Not like I vote so it dont fucking matter.

What are your views on sex?

Best fucking thing ever! Helps with a lot of problems. People should do it more often. Less stress, issues... it's just better for you.

Are you able to kill?

Yeah depending on the circumstances

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

Be a pedophile, I'll fucking kill one if I see one.

Do you believe in the existance of soul mates and/ or true love?

Honestly... I dont know. I feel something with Caleb I've never felt with anyone... it's kinda scary.

What do you believe makes a successful life?

Not being a snitch, doing what your supposed to do and beating people that dont pay you like they were supposed to. It's not hard. Everyone has problems.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings?

Depends who I'm talking with. I lie all the time.. I have to so my dad dosent find out about Caleb. I tend to be violent when asked if I'm gay.. I can't help it and fuck if Caleb knew how I felt about him... I dont know what would happen.

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

If we went off what my father thinks then I would.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

Snitch. I'm not a fucking snitch. The day I do that would have to be a fucking important reason.

Who or what,if anything, would you die for( or otherwise go to the extremes for?

Caleb aka. Carrot Top.

Part 5: Relationships w/others

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

Depends if I know them. If I like them then they can see I'm a great guy. Of course if I dont know them and they piss me off they are going to end up bloody. In general you know me I'm a good guy, you dont know me I keep my eyes on you.

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Caleb... meeting him has changed my life.

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

My sister. Shes strong and she hasent snitched on me. Thick and thin we are close and always there for one another.

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

I dont have friends.

Do you have a spouse or significant other?

Caleb.... we arent married or anything so fuck off.

Have you ever been in love?

Yes

What do you look for in a potential lover?

Red head, batshit crazy, packing 9 inches.

How close are you to your family?

As close as I can be. We are there for one another though dads a dick.

Have you started your own family?

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

My family, they wouldnt leave me hanging or in trouble.

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

Myself... maybe my sister... and perhaps Caleb. Why fuck you that's why.

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

My family and Caleb... I hope anyways.

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

My dad. He would rather see me dead than let me be gay.

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

Fuck no I fight with my fists, guns, anything I can get.

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

Sometimes depends on the situation.

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

No. I like who I like and large groups are not my thing.

Do you care what others think of you?

Fuck no ( A little)

Part 6: Likes & Dislikes

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

Fights... to an extent.. dont really have hobbies and I mostly do things for the family.

What is your most treasured possession?

One of Caleb's jackets

What is your favorite color?

Green

What is your favorite food?

Steak

What, if anything, do you like to read?

Dont read

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs?

I do all three, helps with stress.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

Fuck, really depends on what's going on. Things pop up all the time.

What makes you laugh?

Caleb... he makes me laugh a lot.

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

Being called gay... I tend to get violent. Even if it's TRUE, living with my father has made me this way.

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

Go see Caleb

How do you deal with stress?

Drink, smoke, do drugs, fuck... a lot of things.

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

Both

What are your pet peeves?

Girls hitting on me all the time, being my dads punching bag... yeah

Part 7: Self Image & Other

What is your greatest strength as a person?

Surviving

What is your greatest weakness?

Caleb

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

To be stronger... to tell my father who I am and live through the beating.

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

Extroverted

Are you generally organized or messy?

Both

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

Good: Fighting, taking care of family matters, lying ( sometimes hes terrible but he thinks hes amazing at it)

Bad: Admitting my feelings, showing how I feel... to an extent, loving others

Do you like yourself?

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

Get over my Dads hate for gays and come out

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In jail

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

Protecting my loved one

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

See Caleb, fuck, then go spend time with Mandy

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

Being the first gay Milkovitch why the fuck not?

What three words best describe your personality?

Attractive, energetic, reliable

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

Aggressive, dangerous, dedicated

If you could, what advice would you, the mun, give to your character?

Theres nothing to be ashamed of! Be gay be whatever you want! Your perfect the way you are even with the rough edges. Your doing good but you and Mandy need to leave your father.

Tagging: @sin-of-the-father , @magicalmusesandwheretofindthem

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heavysass · 2 years

Text

I HAVE FINISHED THE WITCHER AFTER 62 HOURS, here's my EPIC GAMER REVIEW

the basic gameplay itself is fun. study monsters, fuck yourself up with potions, beat monsters to death. quest design with investigation and multiple options and ways to finish them is fun too. the story itself is such a drag tho, and the community's 'it doesnt matter because the games arent canon' attitude doesnt help, like why are you playing a 50 hour long thing just to go around proclaiming its not canon anyway, there are very few characters that i care about, and by very few i mean 2, women are not allowed to be normal, every one of them gets the no personality sex machine treatment except the old crone cthulhu worshipper, weird racist plot where the main antagonist is scary dark mystical man from scary foreign savage lands and he is a feral beast, being the only black character there makes this mmmmmm, the swamp maps are hell to navigate on, you can easily miss quests if you progress a bit, game has a bunch of crashing loading screens, i wish i could beat yaevinns little bitxh ass motherfucker ass in a friendly way and take sigfried's virginity myself, item stacking limit is annoying as hell and i had to mod that, bad inventory organization overall, generic porn naked woman is at least 7 different npcs or monsters, the romantic plot there FUCKING SUCKS no matter if you go with shani or triss as it feels pained and forced and demolishes every crumb of personality both of them had at the beginning and reduces the only women with a shred of character to catfighting jealous girls, game forces you to make oh so moral choices but since it rarely actually hit i just didnt give a fuck, the infertility subtheme is cringe as shit, you can have sex after just having rescued a woman from being gangraped in at least 3 different occasions, TOO MANY DROWNERS, many situational useless perks like the alcohol and fisfighting ones, very questionable designs like you just watched a innocent young woman get murdered and when you talk to her ghost the game camera focuses on her purposefully ripped at the ass dress???, blacksmiths and crafting are pretty much useless of you got potions and bombs figured out since you will get better weapons in important quests anyway, which also makes all the runes and meteorites you collect useless too, unbalanced economy where you get a lot of money late game when you need nothing but early buys are very expensive, the third sword is unnecessary, yrden is funny and you can cheese a bunch of fights with it it's a bit funny, the fucking zeugl fight,,also the wiki is varely helpful it is just some guy rileplaying dandelion there and writing it all in prose or as if it was his own diary. pros?? dandelion is quite nice actually and i hadnt expected him to be that much of a friend to geralt, thought the geraskier shippers were forcing that one but no, there's more going on emotionally between those two than with triss or shani, being allowed to swap from over the shoulder to isometric view is perfect, also the funny science monkey guy

guess that's it, i am not touching another witcher game ever again thanks

#idk if it was worth my time but i am a completionist and received this game for almost free ok!#the witcher #sms

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iiamnickjonas · 6 years

Text

Nick Interview Shantal

Title: Shantel Interview

People Involved: @ffsvansanten

shantel: Welcome to this Interview Nick let’s start with an easy one. » What are your hobbies or interests?

Nick: I love to play sports, especially soccer and baseball. Me and my brothers used to have a baseball team for when we were on the road called ironically roaddogs. I’ve also recently took up cooking. I can’t make anything fancy but I’m working my way up slowly but surely.

shantel: That sounds super exciting ! what do you cook ?

Nick: At the moment I make a pretty good spaghetti and meatballs everything made from scratch even though I can’t take credit for the recipes because they are my grandmother’s and my meatballs tend to be a little on the dry side but you don’t notice it after a glass of wine or two. -chuckles-

shantel: Well i’d love to try it someday. so you better invite me - laughs- okay let’s go to my second question. 2. » Who was your best friend when you were growing up? Are they still your friend? If not, why aren’t they now? Who’s your best friend now?

Nick: Next time I’m cooking I’ll make sure you’re the person i call. My best friend was and still is my brothers. I’ve always been close to them especially Joe. I love Kevin and Frankie just as much as I love Joe but we just have a special bond.

shantel: Well i can’t wait to try it! i am honored. That sounds really cute and amazing. it’s good to have a special bond with your brothers. family is always important. I don’t know what to do without my family. Let’s go to my third question. 3. » How do you handle anger? Are you slow to anger or easy to annoy? Are people afraid of you, and if so is this justified?

Nick: I try not to be but I can get easily annoyed it’s hard not to annoy me. It’s definitely a trait of mine that I’m working on. I think people are after seeing the muscles I’ve gained since after being on my show Kingdom.

shantel: It’s never fun to get annoyed but it happend to all of us i don’t like seeing people angry or annoyed makes me wanna calm them down. so my next question is. What goal do you most want to accomplish in the next six months?

Nick: A goal of mine I’d like to accomplish in the next 6 months is to finish my next album and release it, I know my fans have been patiently waiting for it. And I am so eager for them to listen to the next part of my journey.

shantel: Sounds exciting. if i am honest i am super excited aswell - laughs- Let’s make this next question a little bit more personal. don’t worry it’s not to personal but it is about your little old self. If you could say one thing to your younger self what would it be ?

Nick: One thing I would tell my younger self not be so discouraged by rejection it’s a part of life and each rejection only opened a new door and thought me something new along the way. I wouldn’t be as successful or humble as I am without the rejection I faced over the years.

shantel: That’s the best advice i have ever heard and i’m sure if your younger self could hear this he would be so much stronger. but you are already a strong person don’t forget that. Let’s go back to your work What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done for your job ? you don’t have to go in specific details of course you may whatever feels comfortable for you

Nick: The craziest thing I’ve ever had to do for a job had to be portraying a closeted gay person for my show Kingdom. It definitely was hard to get into a mentality of not being able to share who I really am to friends and family since in reality I can’t imagine hiding stuff that Nate had to hide from his father from my own parents and brothers.

Nick: But it gave me a wonderful insight on how the LBGQT community goes through on a daily and it kind of makes me want to work harder for them to live a normal life like the rest of us.

shantel: Oh wow, i can imagine how crazy but super hard that must have been because it is something people deal with daily. I love hearing you say that you have a wonderful insight on the lbgqt commutity goes through things. i love it. since we talk about amazing communities and being an example for someone or something. Who is your role model, and why?

Nick: My role model is probably going to be a cliche but it’s my father. He has never let us give up on our dreams even when we practically were bankrupt and me, Joe and Kevin had to share a room and we had this tiny apartment. And when i was in beauty and beast as a kid every day my dad would drive the 2-3 hours there and back to New York so I could get to rehearsals. Just recently he went through cancer treatments and surgery. he’s always had so much strength and courage. He’s an amazing father i hope one day I’m half the father he is.

shantel: I am not gonna lie to you that answer made me a little emotional - laughs- you have such a beautiful family. Oh wow Cancer treatments and surgery how is he doing now ?

shantel: my next question is Do you see yourself settling down in the next 5 years ?

Nick: He’s in remission now. Thanks for asking. The day we found out was probably the scariest and worse moments of my life.

Nick: I definitely do. I was pretty close with my ex girlfriend but I don’t think I’m ready just yet but I see my brother with his daughters and whenever I’m with them I get an inkling of when I have my own kids and I can’t wait for it.

shantel: I can imagine how scary that must have been. and yes i feel you whenever i see my friends getting married or having kids i am like i want that aswell and im not the youngest anymore but it’s a huge dream of mine. If you look back on your Jonas Brothers life, what do you think was the best moment and what was the least moment ?

Nick: Best moment with my brothers has to be hands down getting to perform for Stevie Wonder I mean performing for the president was great and the awards were pretty cool. But growing up in a household when Stevie Wonder was the music of choice 90 percent of the time it was like a dream come true for me and my brothers. It’ll be a moment I cherish forever there are times I go back on youtube and re watch because I don’t believe it actually happened. Least favorite moment was the day I told my brothers that I think we should end the band. I will never forget the words that they said and angry looks on their faces. The guilt sometimes still eats at me.

shantel: Oh wow Stevie Wonder he is a legend and i am such a big fan so i’m jealous of you guys performing for him.

shantel: we sadly have arrived at my last question which is : How would you convince people to follow their dreams ?

Nick: Just go for it, it’s as simple as that. If you want to become a writer grab a computer or notebook and start writing it might be sucky at first but no one is good in the beginning. I mean Kevin didn’t even want to be a musician the only reason he learned guitar was because he was sick and bored at home so he picked it up and started to teach himself. I think the worse thing in the world isn’t having your dreams come true but having not trying for your dreams at all.

shantel: such amazing advice, i am sure people who will read this will be ready for their dreams to come true. Thank you so much for this wonderful interview. it was such a honour to meet you and talk to you. and success in life

Nick: Thank you.

Nick: (All right you ok if we do mine now? Even though I’m strangely nervous)

shantel: (sure we can i am brb im switching from computer to phone. don’t be nervous love)

Nick: (yours was so good though, that’s fine just let me know when you’re ready. I’m so glad we are getting this over today I’m busy for the rest of week.)

Shantel (shantel) joined the chat 23 seconds ago

Shantel joined the chat 23 seconds ago

Nick: Welcome to this Interview Shantal let’s start with question number 1. Where did you grow up and how did you grow up, for example mom, dad, siblings?

Shantel: hey thank you so much for having me. I grew up in Luverne Minnesota with my 2 siblings one brother and one sister who I am very close with and of course my amazing parents Who mean the world to me

Nick: You grew up very similarly as I did. Are your brother and sister in the entertainment industry as you are. If not you don’t have to go into details what they do if they want to be kept private.

Shantel: No They arent in the entertainment world like I am , I am the only one Who works there

Shantel: But They do help me with my lines

Shantel: When I have to study them

Nick: It’s great you have such a supportive family you need that in this industry. Now let’s go to the next question shall we, 2. What is the biggest thing you learned from living with your family to living on your own?

Shantel: What I have learned while living with my family is first of all How to be independent and How to do stuff on my own but dont forget the fact I also learn How to take care of younger kids. It Will be hands for in the future

Shantel: Living on my own learned me to see the world differently

Shantel: From my point of view and Not from my parents point of view

Nick: I can see what you mean, you get a sense of your true self when you’re on your own. All right question 3. I know you’re most famous for your role for One Tree Hill but other than that character what’s another role you’re proud of and wish more people knew about?

Shantel: Exactly Thats What I meant to say. I do am mostly know as Quinn from One Tree Hill but people are also startimg to notice me as Patty from the Flash so that makes me super happy

Nick: I have to say sadly I have yet to see Flash but with my busy schedule I don’t get time to watch television but I’ll make sure it’s next for me to watch. Question 4 is a bit of a deep question but I would love to know your opinion or thoughts; There is a big controversy with marijuana how do you feel about it do you think it should be legalized?

Shantel: I personally dont feel comfortable around drugs but I think Its should only be legal for medicine and painkillers Not for people with addictions or people Who Wanna use it for a fun time. So maybe They only get it on a note from a doctor or something

Nick: That’s how I feel about it, it just saddens me there will be people who will take advantage of that situation. Let’s move on to something more happier I hope with question 5. Favorite Childhood memory or memories, because I’m sure it would be hard to choose just one.

Shantel: I agree and drugs ruins your life and makes you turn into a person you arent. My favourite memory from my childhood has to me my first performance from school we did old macdonald had a farm and I was a piggy it was so cute we still have it on tape

Nick: That would be something I would love to see, that actually perfectly aligns with my next question 6. what made you want to be an actress?

Shantel: Well Next time we meet I Will show you. Hmm What made me want to be an actress Well besides being a princess ive also wanted to become an actress as little Girl and

Shantel: Lucky. For me that dream came true in 1999-2000

Nick: The dream of being an actress or being a princess and if it’s the second one then you’ve been holding back on me in this interview.

Shantel: Hahah being an actress I bet if I was a royal you would be hearing a lot more from me on social media and news

Nick: I think so too and I was going to say if I was royalty I would be giving up this acting job even though I see what Prince William and Kate Middleton go through and I don’t think I could handle that.

Nick: Question 7. What’s your favorite rainy day activity so to speak or something you like to do when you have free time?

Shantel: Hahah if we both were royals than this interview was gonna be really different. Okay this might sounds weird but I love to walk around in the rain with my umbrella or Not I love the smell and sound of it but I also love to have a pj day and watch movies all day. I also would love to have a rainy Kiss but Thats a dream that wont come out that quickly

Nick: I feel like that’s every girls dream damn ryan reynolds and the notebook isn’t that the movie that has the rain kiss him and rachel mcadams.

Shantel: Yes Thats Exactly the movie I was talking about Damn Ryan he makes every Girl Go weak for a Kiss in th rain. So if you ever meet someone and the love that movie you know What to do Haha

Shantel: Oh wait I made a mistake Its Gosling Not Reynolds Haha

Shantel: Well What can we say both are hot

Nick: Good advice for my next girlfriend whenever that will be. Let’s move onto question 8. This one is a little personal and you don’t have to say names but tell me about your worst date and it doesn’t even need to be a first date just in general worst date?

Shantel: My worst date was in highschool he was a handsome Guy but he only talk about himself and dates me so he could fool around with my best friend behind my back

Nick: Oh god that’s awful I was hoping for a more comical story then a sad one, well I’m sorry about that jerk.

Shantel: I havent dated many people but my last 3 out of 4 people were okay and took all 1 year bit so long

Nick: I’m glad you had better luck after that jerk. Do you want to keep going, question 9. What’s something you want to do in your career? Like maybe write a book, direct etc.?

Shantel: Yes keep going I like this interview. I would love to bring a single but I dont think Im a Good singer but otherwise I would love to write a childbook or Make my own movie

Nick: I could help you with that single I’ve done quite a bit of producing so I know my way around a studio I mean I should it’s been my second home since I was 13.

Shantel: If I ever have the confidence in singing I Will Make sure to let you hear my voice and you can Tell me What you think of it ?

Nick: And I will be completely honest.

Shantel: I appreciate that thank you

Nick: And now sadly we are the last question; if I knew how fun this would be I would have prepared more maybe next time. My last and final question just might be your toughest one yet, what’s your favorite jonas brothers song?

Shantel: Yeah we should totally hang out sometimes and have Loads of fun. Oh I almost thought you were gonna ask me my fave Jonas brother Haha but my favourite song has to be burnin up

Nick: That was my original question but I shouldn’t put you under that pressure and besides I’m everyone’s favorite. Well this was a great interview and thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do this. We will definitely have to hang out soon.

Shantel: Actually my answer wasnt gonna be hard it has to be you since you Showed me a lot of fun today. Haha you totally are. Thank you so much for this amaZing interview

Shantel: Yes we totally should

#sssinterview #ffsvansanten #scandalousinterview

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band-aidbunny · 7 years

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Tagged by @Crazyanime3 :Oc

1. Are you named after someone?

My Middle name is From my Grandmother Renae ironnicly i like it better then my first name

(tho my mother spelt it wrong)

2. When’s the last time you cried?

Do you mean like the random vent tears or actual crying, i haven't Cried cried in so long

3. Do you like your handwriting?

My hand writing has really improved over the past few years!! people can read it now, it only toke 16 years all together

4. What’s your favorite lunch meat?

/HAM/ LMAFOO like okay, my mom refuses to buy it becuse of the treatment of pigs and i kinda agree with her but out off all foods in the world its the one i crave so much.

5. Do you have kids?

I might as well, i live with 2 kids (one in middle school and the other a toddler) and i’m like mommy 2

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?

No, i’m to flaky to be friends with myself

7. Do you use sarcasm?

I do but it sounds like i always sound so like....people tend to think im being mean...im not good at it i guess

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

i get Strep like once a year (ATLEAST) and ive had SCARLET FEVER, but some reason i do

9. Would you bungee jump?

H A that would be a hospital visit waiting to happen

10. What’s your favorite kind of cereal?

i used to love Kola Krisps, now i’m a Life kinda Girl

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

i don’t think i own a pair of laced shoes

12. Do you think you’re a strong person?

i’m level headed but like i weigh 90 pounds and have a bleeding disorder im physically very weak , i’m supposed to wear a medical tag to go outside but my parents never....helped me get one

13. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate, maybe strawberry

14. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Not their names, its usually how i meet them

15: Red or pink?

i love red but i have to say PINK becuse of my blog

16. What’s the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?

take my skin please i have eczema

17. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?

Green kitty pants and bear slippers

18. What’s the last thing you ate?

Yogurt

19. What are you listening to right now?

Mother Mother - The Drugs

20. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

soft Green

21. Favorite smell?

Pastries!!!!!

22. Who’s the last person you spoke to on the phone?

My Bb bean goodnightpunks, she loves to call

23. Favorite game?

it changes but right now all i play are TES: Oblivion and StarWars Battlefront II

24. Hair color?

Brownish.

25. Eye color?

Green/Grey

26. Do you wear contacts?

Glasses

27. Favorite food to eat?

: O that’s so hard Spaghetti i guess

28. Scary movies or comedy?

I love to laugh, Comedy all the way

29: Last movie you watched?

Finding Dory....shamefully i feel asleep during it...

30. What color shirt are you wearing?

Green

31. Summer or winter?

WInter becuse i only have outfits that have many layers because i don’t like showing specific parts of my skin ...and sweating irriatets my skin

32. Hugs or kisses?

Hold me, hugs i love both but hugs are fun (IF I LIKE YOU DONT TOUCH ME OTHER WISE)

33. What book are you currently reading?

last book i read wasnt really a long one it was a star wars map book....lol

34. Who do you miss right now?

all my friends are far or cant drive, so i never see anyone

35. What’s on your mouse pad?

i do not have a mouse pad

36. What’s the last TV show you watched?

RWBY

37. What’s the best sound?

‘ o ‘ those stim videos with the slime or sand, when they arent too loud

38. YouTube mashups or ambient noise?

ambient noise i guess?? Define mashup

39. What’s the farthest you have ever traveled?

ive been around the states but never farther

40. Do you have a special talent?

Creating more OC’s then i know what to do with

41. Where were you born?

THE STARS AT NIGHT ARE BIG AND BRIGHT 👏👏👏👏

42. People you’d like to participate in this survey?

@memetownshowdown

#Dont cry over spilt milk

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hegglespeggles · 7 years

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That Mental Illness Thing.

A really good friend of mine just told me she’s struggling with depression, and so i gave her my advice. I figured it might be helpful for other people too so Imma post is here, please feel free to add anything else to it as well! heres my two cents: I'm so incredibly sorry that you feel so shitty, and I understand some of how terrible you feel right now. I want you to know that this doesn't lessen you as a person, and that this will not last forever. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15, and I have lived a happy(ish ;)) healthy fufilling life despite that. And who knows, maybe its clinical, maybe its situational. I don't know. thats why I'm going to refer you to a bunch of different resources. 1. the family navigation project at sunnybrook works with the families of mentally ill children to help get them the support they need. they are like 85% of the reason I got the help i needed, and theyre super nice and will help you and theyre super knowledgeable, and will check up on you and communicate with you. I was scared and smol and super alone in the whole thing and they made me feel like i wasn't fighting on my own. 100% reccomend. 2. the Delisle youth services are an organization that offer therapy and safe spaces to youth and theyre super fantastic too. Those safe spaces are also very pro LGBTQIA+ ( all of the places im reccomending are, but by far delisle are the most proactive about it) so if you feel like you need a place to ask questions about your sexuality and advice and whatnot, theyre great mate. 3. When i got my diagnosis, I had to go in circles and bounce from organization to organization a lot, so Im gonna cut to the chase here: if your looking for a diagnosis, go to your doctor and have them refer you for an appointment at the youthdale treatment centre. thats where they have child psychs that will assess you and help you figure out what you need. which leads me to: LITTLE FUN FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOWWWWW 1. you are 14< which means that you have complete control over your own medical records. if you want, you can do what i did and your parents never have to find out. you tell the doctor "i dont want my parents to know" and BY LAW they cant say jack shit. Personally, i think that if you are comfortable with it, then it makes the whole this 80000% easier on you mentally to have a parent with you, but far from me to say that it will always be the best option bc i know that things only were worse for me when my parents found out (here i should add the caveat that my parents were abusive pieces of shit and from what you told me your parents are great but idk. you know yourself and your situation best.) 2. Diagnoses are your best friend. theres a few different reasons why imo your first step is a diagnosis: a) it first of all gives you the piece of mind to know that you arent just being lazy, or self pitying, but that you have a legitimate illness that you must treat which makes it leaps and bounds easier to treat because you dont hate yourself (as much) b) the school and other institutions will help you out if you can provide that documentation. Ontario charter of rights and freedoms outlines that you are entitled to certain allowances as you have a legitimate disability. Once you have a diagnosis, you can sit down with a guidance counsellor and get some things set out to help you at school. this means for me that i am allowed to listen to music in class, i get extra time on assignments with no reprecussions, and if i need to walk out of class (panic attacks yay!) then i can. by far this has made my life sosososo much better and easier and made me so much happier. its so comforting to know if youre having a bad episode and cant move from bed than at least your not "destroying your life." also, universities are forced to recognize it too, and that leads to my last point c) as calculating as it sounds, scholarships yo. you heard me. get that mad dough.

3. maybe the first therapist you see wont work for you. maybe you have to shop around. thats okay and normal and 100% fine. the most important part is that you find someone you can work with 4. Kids help phone has an online chat if you ever need to scream about something but dont wanna feel like youre burdening anyone. MY SUPER SUBJECTIVE PERSONAL EXPERIENCE 1. sometimes you just gotta turn your brain off and run on autopilot. sometimes you dont go to rehearsal bc you love it, sometimes you just gotta go because its thursday night and thats what happens thursday nights. 2. Schedule your life. I find that when im depressed, sitting in bed watching star trek for 16 hours feels like a really solid plan. so have a solid-er plan in place so that when you feel like that you can say that "nope i cant find out if starfleet is actually being controlled by changelings because i have to create an outline of my comparitive essay for english by 4 o clock" and so by doing that you become your own mom. i like bullet journalling for this. google it, its fun and productive. 3. Talk to people. I know how hard that can be and im really proud of you for reaching out the way you have. that takes guts, and so im putting this here as a intellectual thing to keep track of and not because i actually think youre stuggling with this part b. messaging people isnt the same as talking to them. so try to get that face-time in. go see a movie. grab some fro-yo. go to the park. see people face to face and that will make everything less shitty. SO FINAL SUM UP. this is a super shitty way to be feeling, and i know its kinda scary, but it doesnt have to suck peripherally, only in the most immediate way, in that your illness is pretty much described as "everything sucks for me always." If you ever need anything i am always right here, and there are resources available at the tips of your fingers. I have a studyblr as well and a lot of it is how to manage mental health when youre in school (and star trek memes. shut up you have your guilty pleasures too) so if you need help getting to work this is also helpful too.

#mental health

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