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bengiyo · 2 years

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BL Round-Up #5

So @negrowhat tagged me in a current watchlist and I realized I haven’t done one of these since I started a new job. We have a lot to catch up on! We’ll clear out what I’ve completed first.

Recently Finished

I apologize in advance. I have completed a great many shows.

Minato Shouji Coin Laundry aka Minato’s Laundromat (GagaOOlala) 10 - I absolutely loved this show, and am currently showing it to my BL watch partner on our Tuesday/Thursday watch sessions. This show utilized its entire cast so well to explore the nature of age-gap romance, being gay and cowardly, and the nature of youth desire. Absolutely phenomenal, and I can’t recommend it enough.

Gameboys 2 (GagaOOlala via VPN) 10 - Gameboys 2 knew exactly what it wanted to be and completely delivered. I enjoyed this so much more than the movie, and was glad that the Terrence and Wesley dynamic was given more breathing room. Pearl and Achilles fit well into the drama this time, and I even enjoyed the way we got to see more of Gav’s family this time around. The IdeaFirst Company continues to make absolutely incredible queer content. It’s just a shame that so much of it ends up behind difficult paywalls for international viewers.

21 Days Theory (Rookie Thailand YouTube) 9.5 - This show shot up in my rankings for this year because of the way the adults played out their insecurities and supported the youngsters in this drama. This show is so good that it actually made me root for a straight couple. I am 100% here for shorter Thai BLs that use all of their couples well, rather than the bloated mess so many of the pulps tend to be.

Triage (Grey) 9.5 - This was everything I hoped to get out of a time loop show. Continue to love with the Manner of Death team has been up to and can’t wait to see more of their work. This isn’t exactly the normal fare for BL, but it’s the kind of gay characterization I enjoy.

About Youth (Gaga or Viki) 9 - I don’t think this show had enough time to explore all of its ideas, but this show is a valuable addition to the Summer ‘22 High School BL Extravaganza. The cast is just so beautiful, and the boys from Taiwan continue to give earnest performances that I find incredibly endearing. Fuck Ye Guang’s parents, though.

Great Men Academy (Grey) 9 - I didn’t intend to watch this, but @flukenatouch convinced me and it ended up being a lot better than I expected. It’s not BL at all really, but holy hell was I absolutely obsessed with James Teeradon by the end of this show. Also I got to enjoy Captain’s gorgeous eyes again! This show involved a lot of gender swapping, but I enjoyed the show’s kind exploration of masculinity and what it means to admire someone.

Papa & Daddy Season 2 (Gaga) 8.5 - Papa & Daddy 2 has all of the same struggles as the first season, but I genuinely love it for what it’s trying to be. I think, in so many ways, this show encapsulates the strange experience many queer people have of growing into parents and starting families when it was something we never thought we would do. I think straight people naturally consider what kind of parents they might be because procreation is a likely outcome to their desires for intimacy, but it’s not something queer people really have a lot of guidelines for. I liked the challenges and themes of this season, even if I find myself consistently frustrated with filial piety.

Senpai, This Can’t Be Love! (Gaga or Viki) 6 - Very disappointing finish. I felt the lack of communication to be overly juvenile, so I can’t walk away from this show envisioning them as a functional couple at all.

Love Mechanics (WeTV) 6 - There are some things I liked here, but Mark and Vee are not my thing, and I found much of this to be rather tedious.

Coffee Melody (Viki) 5.5 - Boring, and frustrating. Not a good show. Don’t waste your time.

Currently Watching

This is still a lot, but I’m finally under 10 shows.

Takara-kun & Amagi-kun (Gaga or Viki) 10 - Episode 5/8. I cannot overstate how much I’m enjoying the way this show is exploring first desire and relationships with Takara and Amagi. It is the show I most look forward to each week.

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us (Gaga) 9.5 - Episode 7/8. This is not BL. It is a story about a young, angry gay man; his overbearing, narcissistic mother; and his father’s best friend and missed love. It is exploring the ways different generations have reacted to queerness, and I cannot stop thinking about it. It is essentially a play adapted to screen, and everyone involved is giving some of the best performances I’ve ever seen out of Thailand. It is no surprise that Pond Ponlawit is a Nadao alum, because I haven’t been this gripped by a Thai performer since ITSAY/IPYTM and Great Men Academy.

I know many folks will never watch this because it isn’t the kind of fun fare that Thai BL often offers, but this is the kind of play that someone sees on a whim that alters the way they see themselves and the world.

The Eclipse (YouTube) 9 - Episode 7/12. I’m really enjoying how complete this show feels. Each moment feels intentional and like it’s contributing towards the end goals. I enjoy it when BL knows what it wants to say, and I’m enjoying the unsubtle politics of this show. Also, Khaotung and First are such a great pair. Neo is finally in a role that he can really shine, and he’s working with Louis in a way that finally lets me see why they’ve been paired.

Love in the Air (iQIYI) 8.5 - Episode 6/13 This show doesn’t really have a plot, but I honestly like it more for that. I personally love when BL is more character driven, and I’m enjoying watching this as a vanilla type and reading commentary from folks like @lutawolf. Though I still struggled with the early bits of this show, I like where it’s gone and can understand why they skipped what I think are incredibly necessary aspects of consent to show. I remain surprised that I have this many positive things to say about a MAME production.

My Only 12% (iQIYI) 8.5 - Episode 7/14 I think @absolutebl broke me when he said this show felt like a Thai take on a Big Eden (2000) prequel (iykyk). I also imploded over the inclusion of Love of Siam (2007) in the storytelling of this narrative. In so many ways this show feels like it’s screaming out the pain and frustration and loneliness we felt as queer in the early 00s trying to sort out the kind of people we wanted to be when we were young and struggling to find community. It was hard entering the community when all of your elders were still coping with so much grief, and there were just so few depictions of queer joy to turn to.

Earth and Santa are a good pair, but for once I’d like to see one of Earth’s characters be happy. I’d also like him to not play a naggy character in the future.

Once Again (Gaga or Viki) 8 - Episode 4/8 - I like the way the sci-fi elements feel in this show with the time travel implications. I know this is going to end sad, but I’m loving the texture of the sense of inevitability in this show.

Ai Long Nhai (iQIYI) 8 - Episode 1/12. It’s fine so far. I like the gay dads. I like the friend dynamic. Subs are only okay. This show might end up being forgettable, but I hope it’s fun.

Vice Versa (YouTube) 7 - Episode 11/12. I haven’t been enjoying this for a while. I have just had to accept that I am not a Jittirain fan, and the way she tells stories just doesn’t work for me. I find myself completely frustrated with and by Puen, and I feel constantly bad for Talay. Otherwise, Jimmy and Sea are a pretty pair. I hope all the constant ads are generating enough revenue to pay for the rest of the BLs on GMMTV.

War of Y (Gaga) 7 - Episode 8/20. I continued this because it moved to Gaga, but I constantly suffer from a dissonance with this show. It wants to explore the dark side of BL by making so many recognized BL pairs and supporting cast play out scenarios that are incredibly uncomfortable. It’s a weird experience to watch a BL that seems to want us to not watch BL anymore.

Not BL

Midnight Diner (Netflix) 10 - This has become my wind down watch before bed. I find this kind of light drama incredibly relaxing. I also love Japanese filming styles that rely on long takes. I like letting the actors act. I don’t want to feel the editing constantly when I’m watching something. I notice it when I come back to Thai productions and it’s constantly cutting and changing the angle of the shot, or refusing to put actors in the same frame for more than one line delivery.

Is It Wrong To Try to Pick Up Girls In a Dungeon? IV (HiDive) 9 - We all have shows we make exceptions for. I make mine here because I enjoy adventuring party shows. This season has been a really good adaptation, and I continue to love all of the character dynamics.

Do Revenge (Netflix) 9 - As a long-time fan of Throw Momma From The Train (1987), I do love a good Strangers on the Train story. This one was excellent, and used its lesbian characters well. Everyone turns in fun and memorable performances, especially Camila Mendes, Maya Hawke, and Sophie Turner.

9-1-1 (Fox, HULU) 8 - I’m an American and do love a first responder procedural.

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dandenbo · 1 year

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[updated for 2024] exchange letter

Hey, dear creator, I can’t wait to see what you come up with! Here are some general likes and DNWs:

General likes:

canon divergence and messing with timelines; pre-canon, side missions, and intervals between the games; AUs within the same setting (eg. space pirates, assassins, etc)

queer characters (nb, trans, gnc characters welcome, whether it’s Shep or your take on a canon character; no preference for presentation, anatomy, terminology as long as it’s respectful; no gender swaps please)

body diversity

angst, horror, bit of violence (fine with major character deaths, happy endings not necessary)

nontraditional relationships (queerplatonic, friends with benefits, situationships, non-monogamy)

forced proximity tropes (eg. oh no we’re trapped, only one bed, cuddle for warmth, etc)

OCs and worldbuilding, add as much as you’d like!

vampires (gimme a vampire AU I’m so so serious)

General DNW:

mundane AUs (eg. coffee shop, college, etc), any cop or detective AU

Andromeda, crossovers in general

first or second person, chat fic (some epistolary is fine)

pregnancy, marriage, underage characters, focus on familial relationships (canonical backstories and passing mentions are fine ofc)

making older characters into surrogate parental figures, found family literalism (eg. mother hen Chakwas, little sister Tali, “adopting” Grunt)

character hate and unchallenged negativity directed at entire species

suicide (mention, ideation, or attempts; exception for death in battle, heroic sacrifice, the clone’s canon)

whitewashing characters of colour, changing canonical queer identities

for trans Shepard or clone, Cerberus helping them with their transition

Shep:

If Shep is involved, I don’t mind if you use default Shep, or put your own spin on them. Any combo of background/profile/class/ending is fine and I prefer that Shep is not extremely renegade. You’re welcome to write or draw my Sheps if you’d like, search my tags “ashford shepard” (mshep) and “otto shepard” (nbshep) to learn more about them.

Prompts are only suggestions, I’m happy to see whatever you come up with! Any and all treats welcome!

And for the smut. I love smut (art or fic), and would be happy to receive it for any romantic pairing, unless specified in the request.

Smut likes:

teasing, edging, “don’t get caught”, knives, biting, breath play, grinding, frotting, blindfolds, armpits, over the clothes stuff, getting messy (cum, sweat, spit, and blood), rough and desperate sex, improvised restraints. Love BDSM and kink, anything not in the DNW is fair game.

Smut DNW:

scat, piss, vomit; non-con (dub-con where they all want it is fine); breeding; losing virginity; high protocol or 24/7 BDSM; omegaverse; race play or fetishisation; misgendering; age play (age gaps are great though); pet play; incest; the term “pegging” (prefer it’s just called what it is, fucking)

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sarking · 4 years

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Tagged by @twtd11 (not that Tumblr saw fit to put it in my activity anywhere...)

If you need something to do, consider yourself tagged!

Slow burn or love at first sight?: More like a medium burn, technically. I’m probably not reading 100k or more unless I really like the author.

Fake dating or secretly dating: I like both, but I think I prefer secretly dating in canon (assuming it’s a visual medium where you can see pointed looks and secret touches) and fake dating in fic.

“Oh no, there’s only one bed” or long distance correspondence: Forced proximity forever and ever.

Hurt/comfort or amnesia: I’m only saying h/c because amnesia is, imo, a sub-genre of it. I love a good amnesia fic.

Enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers: It’s only a slight preference. I do like some antagonism. The important thing is that they know each other well, which enemies can certainly do.

Mutual pining or domestic bliss: Pining is frustrating. Especially when it’s mutual. You just want to yell at them to talk to each other.

Smut or fluff: Bring me the filth. Preferably with some fluffy snuggling at the end.

Fantasy au or modern au: I do not like fantasy. Not elves or dragons or magic or vampires or witches or whatever else. For most of my fandoms, a modern AU is just... canon.

Alternative universe or future fic: Something about the time gap between canon and the future fic just bothers me.

Kid fic or road trip fic: It’s not the road trip part so much as the sharing a hotel room or whatever part, plus a general dislike of kid fic.

Canon compliant/missing scenes or fix-it: I’d prefer the canon not have made a mess that the needs fixing, but in general, I think fix-it allows for... more creativity. Canon-compliant or missing scenes don’t give you too much room to change the characters; they’ve got to end up as we see them in the next bit of canon after your story.

Reincarnation or character death: Uh. Do I have to? I guess reincarnation, but I don’t like either, frankly.

One-shot or multi chapter: One-shot, definitely. Something in a 10 or 15k, maybe 20.

Time travel or isolated together: See earlier comment re: forced proximity, but I don’t mind “stuck together in a different time period” time travel.

High school romance or middle aged romance: I'm pickier about the high school stuff, and I’ve got to be in the right mood.

Arranged marriage or accidental marriage: They’re both good, but accidental marriage sometimes bugs me because like... they can just ignore it? Ha, we accidentally got married, now let’s go about our normal lives until we get divorced. Unless you’re Grace and Frankie and one half (Frankie) is really, really annoyingly excited about and eager to play into the whole thing.

Sci-fi au or magic au: If I’ve gotta choose one, I’m going with the sci-fi, but I don’t like it much better.

Neighbours or roommates: Assuming it’s a generally positive experience. If they hate each other, I super don’t want it to be roommates.

Body swap or gender-bend: Either. Both. Always-a-different-gender gender-bend isn’t my favorite, though.

Angst or crack: I’m generally only into crack if it’s taken seriously.

Apocalyptic or mundane: Don’t get me wrong, there’s some apocalyptic fic I love. But at the present time, I can’t say I am terrible in the mood.

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sher-soc-the-famder · 6 years

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YOOOOO MY FELLOW GAYS it me :p I’m baaaack with another set of conspiracy theories for @altruistic-skittles’ In Our DNA Because I love driving myself insane by thinking in circles XD

That and I’m determined to figure out the Macy Mystery(tm) before it’s revealed, it’s practically a matter of pride at this point XD I mean, I probably won’t but I’m having a blast piecing different hints and details together. Like Game theory, with about the same track record too!

ANYWAYS SPOILERS AND POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW :P

First to recap! From my last theory post

- Patton having emotional power (CONFIRMED!)

- Roman being Subject 89 (CONFIRMED!)

- Patton, Logan, and Macy (Still in the air, probably Jossed XD)

- Virgil’s history with Logan (Still in the air)

- The whole thing being a test (JOSSED)

...which is not to bad actually, huh. ANYWAYS I’m gonna be focusing on the biggest mystery at the moment: Macy so buckle up it’s about to get weird

To start off with we need to narrow down the list of suspects which goes thus:

Roman, Virgil, Logan, Patton, Damion, Ms. Spencer, Emile Picani, Remy, Hobo (yes I’m including the cat, I did say that it was going to get weird), and finally Macy herself!

Pleeeeease let me know if I missed any important characters! I’m not including the parents or Flora because the ages just don’t match up at all, and if I start trying to add them to this equation I really will go mad.

ROMAN

I’m crossing Logan off this list off of one thing alone: the ships listed for this fic. XD Logince. Need I say more? No? No. Go get your man, Ro

PICANI AND REMY

I mean, they’re in the tags. They’re gonna show up at some point. However, I’m doubting the existence of a third sibling. Neither Patton nor Logan has mentioned the existence of one. Plus I’m inclined to think that Skittles has already introduced us to Macy, and is just making us all suffer at this point

MS. SPENCER

...ok I don’t actually think that Ms. Spencer could be Macy but I really, really wanted to point out that Damion disguises himself as her at least once. How else would a supposed elementary school teacher know that people would be after not only Patton but Roman as well? Why would she time her running into Virgil so suspiciously well that Virgil doesn’t meet Patton at the theater? She’s surprisingly gentle with Roman, whom Damion would know

Hence at least in the theater scene Ms. Spencer = Damion

aaaaanyways moving on

HOBO

I mean at this point, the cat could be a person and I would not be surprised. Virgil even points this out himself, that the cat could be a mutant and following him around for some reason. The two year timeline is rather suspicious as well. I’m leaning Hobo = Remy at the moment but WHO KNOWS Hobo could be Macy XD (and believe me, the moment that cat makes a return I’m starting a whole new theory board for them)

DAMION

(First off, gdi, Damion adds a whole new layer to the Unreliable Narrator tag, Skittles I’m going to go mad XD)

Damion is not Macy but he’s definitely involved somehow. My current theory? He’s the kid that broke his arm and led to Logan being taken. Chapter 7 opens with a flashback of someone who’s broken their arm, and is met with icy blue eyes. Logan. They leave and then they return to reassure him that everything will be alright.

But

They do it softly, in a way that helps him catch his breath. Which sounds an awful lot like Patton to me. “It’s going to be okay”

Damion breaks his arm, Logan sees it and tells Patton, Patton heals Damion’s arm and leads to Logan being taken. Which is why Damion is looking out for them. They helped him out and in return, one got his mind twisted and the other got taken to a facility and experimented on for years.

(Also note the ambiguous pronouns I’m going to bring those back up)

Also Chapter 9, with Damion being disguised as a scientist and helping Roman and his mother escape, leads me to believe that all the files about subject 89 were corrupted and/or deleted by him

PATTON

Ah, the story that Skittles wants us all to believe, the most likely to be true shhhhh I’m in tin hat denial land right now, the red herring, the bright spotlight that Skittles wants us to pay attention to so that she can pull of her magic trick in the shadows

WELL I WILL NOT BE FOOLED

Patton may look just like Logan, Patton may be trans, Patton and Macy may both have hints at having healing powers, Patton’s mothers may have locked him up in order to keep him from being taken as well, Patton may have memory problems that point to Logan messing with his head, but look

...

The story of Patton being Macy goes as thus:

Patton/Macy (from here on known as Patcy) heals Damion’s broken arm and gets noticed by Dr. William. After a period of time, Logan notices that people are trying to take their sibling and alters people’s memories into thinking that it was him who healed the broken arm. They alter Patcy’s memories for...some reason, and Logan lets themself get taken to the facility in Patcy’s stead. Patcy’s mothers, lock them up to keep from losing another child. A few years later Pacty realizes their gender, Patton chooses his name, Roman saves him from his mothers and we hit the present day. Makes sense no?

W R O N G XD

There are a few details that stand out that this doesn’t answer: Patton’s bracelet and his habit of messing with it. Why Damion- disguised as Ms. Spencer- kept Patton and Virgil from meeting. Why did Logan need to erase Patton’s memories of him in the first place?

Patton as Macy makes the most sense and yet, when I think about it, it doesn’t feel right. I can’t shake the doubt and conviction that he’s not Macy

Which leaves us with Virgil or Logan

VIRGIL

I doubt Macy is Virgil.

There are a few things that could mean his is Macy: the fact that he’s gender fluid, the normal life he got to lead (s u p p o s e d l y there’s still the question of how he meet Logan, which means he isn’t all normal), Virgil’s family being connected to the facility somehow, the way that the two just click, that strange moment where Patton notes about two of his students looking alike but not being related, and Virgil insistence that Logan gets to live their life

And one other vague hint that Skittles has told me that I’m not sure I’m allowed to share that could swing as support or something to disprove Virgil = Macy I haven’t decided yet

But I don’t think he’s Macy. For a couple of reason. Logan claims that Macy would look like them, and it’s one of the few things that I trust. Virgil has an entire documented family history. Virgil has time based powers when Macy is connected to healing powers in some form. And then well

Moxiety is listed as one of the ships XD With the build up of Logan and Patton’s connection they have to be connected in some way which could make Moxiety a little,,, squicky depending on what that connection is. :p

Which just leaves:

LOGAN

Yeah, you heard me. I think Logan is Macy. I know it’s probably not right but GDI I’m attached to the idea now that I have to lay my clones theory to rest, at least for now

Do I want it to be a complex conspiracy? Why yes, yes I do, I know it’s not likely but it’s fun to think about and I hope it amuses Skittles. Look I watch Game Theory for fun, I love MatPat but I doubt 90% of his theories are right XD They’re fun anyways. *coughs* I’m rambling back to my thoughts

I already established in my first theory post that I don’t think we can trust Logan completely about their own past. They erased something from it. The question is what? They remember Macy obviously, and taking her place.

And that’s what interests me the most. They took Macy’s place. The fist couple of files we see about them is a search for healing powers. Why? Why would they expect healing? I said family lines before but they clearly don’t show any knowledge of Logan having siblings until they slip up about Macy.

And then there’s the fact they couldn’t erase memories until they were about eleven. Which means that everything they did before that was alteration and not erasures. Whoever Patton was to Logan, they couldn’t have erased things completely, only changed them. And you know what’s interesting about that?

Patton’s comment about Damion

“He was almost like a brother to me”

That on top of Damion trying to keep Royality separate from Analogical, it makes me think that things are going on. Things(tm)

So the Logan as Macy story goes as thus:

There was a pair of twins, both of them female. One heals people with the touch of her hands, and the other can dip into their memories like a pool. One day they meet a boy who’s broken his arm. The one who can heal gets caught healing him.

They’re young, they don’t know what to do. Her sister panics, and refusing to let her sister get taken, swaps both of them. She writes away her existence from her sister’s mind, filling in the gaps with the boy they had helped or just plain emptiness. And then, to make sure that they cannot find her sister, she changes her own mind, putting herself in the place of her sister.

Macy guarantees her sister’s freedom by making sure that they’ll never learn the proper name and information about her. But she keeps the idea of her sister close, to take with her. And leaves her sister a bracelet, maybe not to remember her by, but as a hope that maybe one day they’ll meet again

The only thing I can’t figure out is the whole gender issue, which I figured Damion would help Logan hide but IDk about the rest BUT COME ON The rest of it makes sense!!

So I stand by Logan is Macy XD

Though it still leaves

MACY

There are two options with this. Macy is simply herself, and Patton is himself, a coincidence that everyone built up. Or Macy doesn’t exist. And was simply someone Logan imagined in order to help him cope. Neither of which are likely at all

BUT STILL POSSIBILITIES

ANYWAYS thanks for joining me in tin foil hat land again XD I hope y’all are enjoying this fic as much as I am and SKITTLES I’m excite for where you take it no matter where it goes!!

Keep up the good work and have an awesome day! <3

#Sanders sides #IODNA #Meta #don't question me I'm trying my best #I love this fic so much #if someone else has one that generates as much theory fodder #plz #let me knoooow #wear a tin hat with pride

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talabib · 3 years

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A Roadmap To Getting Out Of Debt

In the twenty-first century, many millennials are deep in debt. They’re struggling to pay their rent and working in insecure jobs. Despite being in their twenties and thirties, they find themselves a long way from owning their own home or having enough money to ever start a family. And this generation has had some rotten luck – after the 2008 economic crisis, years of austerity have only made things worse. For so many young people today, lasting financial security is a passing daydream.

If you’re in the same boat, it’s easy to despair. But there’s good news – help is on the way. You’ll discover the fundamental truths about your relationship to money, and the hang-ups that hold you back. And you’ll find a roadmap to getting yourself out of debt, effective budgeting, and appreciating the simpler things when the simpler things are all you have.

If you’re struggling with your finances, it may be because the circumstances are outside of your control.

Are you one of those people who can’t bear to check their bank balance at an ATM? Do you push warning letters from the bank under a pile of magazines, far out of sight? You’re not alone.

If your finances are a mess, take a breath. While it’s important to take ownership of your situation and take steps to get back on track, not all of it is your fault. When it comes to money, one thing that puts many people at a disadvantage is a lack of financial knowledge.

Consider the state of financial education. In UK schools, there is none – not a single class on the subject. So when, at 16- or 18-years-old, students leave for either work or university, most don’t have the faintest idea about savings, debt, or mortgages.

Instead, financial education is a job that’s often left to parents. And that can be a lottery – lots of people aren’t born to parents who know about money. Though they might be able to teach lots of other valuable things, it’s a rare few who’ll know about, say, investing or mortgages.

As well as being disadvantaged by a lack of financial education, lots of young people are also affected by the broader economic situation. Since the 2008 financial crisis, many people have struggled through no fault of their own. In the United Kingdom, things are especially dire. The Conservative government has watered down protections that once guaranteed job security and rising wages. And, with secure work hard to come by, it’s become more difficult to put money aside – whether toward a pension, for a home, or even to avoid going into debt.

This financial insecurity is a much bigger problem than individual failings. In January 2019, the average UK household debt stood at £15,400. It’s clearly a bigger problem than people overspending on holidays, clothes, and trendy furniture they’ve seen on Instagram!

While there are concrete things you can do to improve your financial position, it’s important to remember: it’s not all your fault.

When it comes to money problems, there’s often one big emotion at the heart of it all, and that’s shame.

Imagine a happy family: two beautiful kids, a big house in the suburbs, both parents with stimulating, fulfilling jobs.

Except one of the parents keeps a shameful secret: through a mixture of generosity and carelessness, he’s spent far more than he can afford on credit cards and saddled himself with significant debt. For months, he’s not said a word of it to his spouse, but now that debt has begun to disturb the family’s financial security.

It’s a situation that’s far too common. And, just as this hypothetical parent found, with shame comes silence and a desire to stick your head in the sand and try not to think about it. You let the phone ring when the bank calls, hide your bank statements, and change the subject whenever money comes up. Shame prevents you from taking action when you’ve dug yourself into a hole.

Sometimes, the financial problem is bound up with other, deeper feelings of shame, too. Take the Jane’s own story. When she was 21, her father died, and she inherited £10,000. But rather than save the money for later in life, she used it to travel to Bali. Soon, it was all gone. The secret shame of frittering away her inheritance pained her for many years.

This is where admitting your problems comes in. Whether it’s credit card debt or a lost inheritance, the best thing you can do is be accountable. Because only then can you deal with it. Owning up to your flaws doesn’t mean beating yourself up; it helps you to escape the terrible blanket of silence and inaction that shame throws over you.

In the case of Jane, if she’d opened up about spending her inheritance on a holiday, perhaps she wouldn’t have felt so dreadful. When you’re blinded by grief, it’s natural to want to escape to somewhere far away. Perhaps she would have found out that it’s what many people would’ve done in a similar situation.

By owning up to your mistakes, you reduce the shame you feel. Because after you’ve done that, it’s no longer an awful gremlin on your back but something that you are in the process of setting straight.

If you think social media is causing money problems, take a step back to get your finances under control.

When you’re just scraping by financially, it can be disheartening to scroll through social media and see people living perfectly curated lives. Endless snaps of infinity pools, beautiful sunsets, or horseback rides through sunlit fields can make you feel like you’re missing out. It can also make your own financial situation worse.

Take this example from Mary as a warning. While on maternity leave in 2018, she spent countless hours scrolling through Instagram and admiring the beautiful rooms she saw there, dreaming up ways to improve her own under-furnished house. Even though she was in debt, she began to spend lots of money on redecorating.

For Mary, this redecorating spree included buying stylish rugs, a fig plant, and expensive paint. Pretty soon, her Instagram account began to mirror those she’d been inspired by, but underneath the facade was lots and lots of debt.

What, exactly, had happened? Having seen all these amazing rooms, she had been sucked into an online life of keeping up with the Joneses. On top of that, taking pictures of her newly decorated and styled rooms was contributing to a cycle of envy and spending.

Happily, there are a number of ways to avoid this kind of behavior. The first is to do something real and get away from the images of other people’s lives. Try something that doesn’t involve the internet: like going for a walk or meeting a friend.

Second, when comparing your life with someone else’s supposedly perfect one, ask yourself if you’d actually swap places with them and give up everything you have. Would you sacrifice your family and friends? Would you give up your home and all the things you cherish, and instead inherit the other person’s? Chances are you’d think twice.

This leads us to the final thing you can do: remember that a lot of what you see online is an illusion. Those “perfect” lives are rarely perfect. When someone posts a picture of their sunny balcony, you don’t see the argument they had that morning with their spouse. You don’t hear about their parent’s health problems. Remember, we only see what others want us to see.

Finance can be a feminist issue.

Here’s a shocking statistic: in the United Kingdom, 64 percent of those who struggle with debt are women.

Whether that’s because more women than men are in lower-paid jobs or that women have more unpaid commitments around family life, it highlights one thing: when it comes to money, there is a big gender disparity.

Take the gender pay gap. It’s barely shifted since 2012. And even though there’s been lots of publicity and discussion around the issue, it’s not getting any better. Why? In short, because there’s a continuing lack of transparency.

In many workplaces, pretty much the only thing that employees aren’t allowed to discuss openly is money. Specifically, how much each of them is earning. With this level of secrecy, it’s hard for women to know if they’re being paid more, or less, than their male colleagues.

There are other forms of gender discrimination around finances, too. In the United Kingdom, so-called “pink taxes” mean women pay more than men for the same products, like razors and deodorants. And the menstrual cycle itself is punishingly expensive, costing an average of £4,800 over the course of a woman’s lifetime.

But one of the biggest strains on a woman’s finances comes after having children. In fact, in the United Kingdom, statutory maternity pay is so low that lots of women end up in poverty if they don’t have savings or a wealthy partner to fall back on.

Then, as well as costing a lot to clothe and feed, having a child also means that women’s careers stall. When they do return to work and ask for part-time or flexible hours, they’re often denied the career opportunities they might have expected to get pre-pregnancy.

The British campaign group Pregnant Then Screwed sets out just how little progress has been made. According to their figures, every year, 54,000 women are pushed out of their jobs due to pregnancy; a third of employers say they avoid hiring women of childbearing age; and 44 percent of working moms say they now earn less than before they had children. Even now, in 2020, we have so much further to go.

Concrete goal-setting is the best way out of financial difficulty.

If you’re in financial difficulty, the way forward can sometimes look like a swampy landscape, with no obvious route ahead. And when you’re trying to find your way out of that swamp – either by setting your finances straight or changing your behavior around money, you need clarity.

The best way to achieve that clarity is when you can see there’s an end in sight – which is where setting goals comes in. You should form them with one very important consideration in mind: your happiness. It’s important to ask yourself: What, at the end of the day, makes you happiest?

This is crucial because you might find that what you thought you wanted doesn’t actually bring fulfillment. Let’s say that you spend lots of money on furniture, clothes, and accessories because you like keeping up with your friends. Yet, when you really get down to it, you find the joy you get from these purchases quickly wears off. And the debt you’re building up is giving you anxiety attacks. Perhaps your long-held goal of having more cash for shopping isn’t such a good idea after all. It might be something you should discard.

Instead, reappraise and find the right goals. For Jane, this process involved writing down what she wanted to achieve and detailing exactly how each goal would make her happy. One aim was to buy her own home, a place where her children could play safely, and she could entertain friends and family. In thinking about how this would make her feel fulfilled, she noted that the stability of home-owning over renting was important to her mental well-being, that her children’s safety and contentment were crucial, and that seeing her friends and family made her happy.

Once you’ve clarified what your big goals are, you’ll be able to set lots of smaller goals to help you get where you want to go. That might be saving money by taking a packed lunch to work every day, or it might mean answering the phone to your creditors and not using your credit card for a month.

Taking incremental steps will get you back on an even financial footing, especially if you do so alongside budgeting.

Review your finances systematically and make a clear budget so you don’t overspend.

As we’ve just learned, if you want to reach your financial target – whether that’s getting out of a mountain of debt or saving up for a house – you need to get clear on what your goals are and take small steps to reach them.

Of course, you still need a handle on your finances, so the next thing to do is set a budget. Happily, there are five steps that can help you construct your own saving and spending plan to budget successfully.

The first involves taking a good look at your spending habits. Take a look back at your spending over a period of six months. You’ll probably see some patterns emerging – perhaps you spend too much on Prosecco from the corner store, or maybe you buy too many lottery tickets. It might make uncomfortable reading, but unless you can spot your patterns, you won’t make progress.

Second, look at your income and outgoings. Work out how much money you’re bringing in on a monthly basis. This is how much you have available at the start of each month. Now consider your fixed outgoings – these are the things you can’t do without, like rent, taxes, or childcare costs. If your outgoings exceed your income, then you really do have to rethink some of your fundamental commitments.

In step three, analyze your other regular outgoings. That includes the expenses that aren’t vital to your survival but enhance your quality of life – think Netflix or a magazine subscription. Go through these and cut out the ones you can do without. But if you can afford to keep some extra expenses, don’t be too hard on yourself. We all need a little pleasure, even when budgeting.

Step four asks you to consider your variable expenses. These are things that change each month, like food, or fuel for your car. Although they’re essentials, you can often shop around for cheaper deals.

Finally, step five is to look at what you have left. Once you’ve subtracted your essential living costs and non-negotiable outgoings, you’ll have a final sum that you can choose to save, use to pay off debt, or spend on things you love. It might take a little while to work out the right balance, and that’s totally fine.

Budgeting isn’t all bad. There are also upsides to frugal living.

Budgeting can be a real slog: it’s no fun living on plain noodles, having no heating on cold days, and spending nights in when all your friends are going out. Struggling with financial pressure is hard.

But, while this kind of austere life is OK – even needed sometimes – remember that life is short. You can still enjoy yourself while watching what you spend. Being frugal with your cash may even help you appreciate some things you might previously have overlooked.

First, it’s time to flip your perspective so you see that buying new things isn’t the only way to happiness. Instead, find pleasure in hunting out used items that have real charm. If you’re looking for furniture, thrift stores are treasure troves with all sorts of items, often well-made and full of character. The same goes for clothes – you can fill a wardrobe with stylish retro outfits from the hangers of second-hand shops.

Second, experiences are better than possessions. Rather than spending what money you have on material things, why not plan a forest picnic, a day out to a museum, or a morning swim in the sea with a friend? All are much cheaper than a new designer rug or marble kitchen-top, and more satisfying, as you’ll remember them long after the event.

Third, a frugal lifestyle is more eco-friendly. Saving the world is a powerful motivator to cut down on harmful consumerism. What’s more, on an individual level, two of the most important changes you can make for the planet are limiting air travel and cutting out meat – both of which are, happily, also wallet-friendly!

Fourth, don’t hide your money problems away. When you’re open about your frugal lifestyle, it can influence other people too. Hearing that others aren’t spending on expensive lifestyles can be a great relief, and by explaining your situation, you help soften attitudes toward those that also struggle with money.

Last, and perhaps most important of all, as you move away from materialism, you’ll find that it’s still possible to be generous. You can show someone that you care without spending a fortune on gifts. You can give them something much better than hastily chosen bath products or a set of candles – and that’s your time and attention.

Although it helps to be accountable for your financial problems, it’s important to understand that it’s not all your fault: your upbringing, gender, and the broader economic climate all play a part. When you are ready to take control of your financial situation, know that concrete goal-setting can really help. Just don’t forget to live your life.

Action plan: Try coloring in to help you save money or pay off that debt.

To help you manage your finances better, take a sheet of squared paper and, for each time you make a saving or debt-payment, color in a box. By making your progress visual, you’ll be able to track just how far you’ve got to go before you can afford that dream holiday or clear your student debt.

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friableflower · 6 years

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Role Play Partner!!

Hello! I’ve been in search for a rp partner for what seems like forever!

Fandoms I Know:

Riverdale *

Stranger Things

Supernatural *

13 Reasons Why

One Direction

Marvel Studios

DC Comics

Teen Wolf *

American Horror Story *

Big Bang Theory *

The Walking Dead*

The End of the F****ing World

Twilight

Hunger Games

* means I’ve not completely finished the show, but I have seen the show. I’m horrible at finishing shows.

I’ll play any character you want if you do the same for me. I listed fandoms I know, because I know more about them. I’m also open to OCs.

I only do doubles.

Also, I’ll do MxM, FxF, and MxF I personally only do MxF. If you aren’t comfortable with all three of these please don’t message. I’m good at playing sub or dom, so message me if you’re good at both.

Likes:

Smut & Fluff

Age Gaps

Teacher/Student

Daddy kink

Some BDSM

Angst

Affairs (not cheating)

Dislikes:

Self Harm/Mental Illness

Terminal Illness

Abuse

Hybrids

A/B/O

Gender swap

No anime

Singles

We can discuss plots together I like for the person I rp with to enjoy both mine and their own. Feel free to message me and discuss a plot.

Requirements:

Good grammar (I’m not perfect, so I understand a few mess ups)

Medium to Long reponses just long enough for me to respond.

Be active I understand life is busy, but let me know if you’re not gonna be active. I’m in the EST time zone.

If you don’t like our rp let me know. If you want to change something feel free!

I’m very easy going and would love to rp with you! I’m down for just about anything, unless it’s listed above. Please message me if I didn’t list your fandom. (:

My imessage is: [email protected]

:) xx perverts will be blocked!

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smokeybrandcompositions · 7 years

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She and Me

I was born in 1984. For all intents and purposes, that was the year where the first few of the Millennial generation were born. I am, quite literally, the top of the spear for what ails society, according to almost every generation before me. One could argue that Generation ME, Me, Me as Time so eloquently titled us back in 2013, started as early as 1981. Some say it started as late as 1989. All I know is my older brother and sister are Gen X-ers. And the end of them. I was born after so I consider myself a Gen Y or a goddamn Millennial. And it’s that margin od discrepancy that I want to address. I’ve had the distinct frustration of living with a 19 year old for half a year and, even though she is technically a Millennial, I can honestly say, there is a distinct difference between how I and she interact with the world.

Entitlement

Me: When I was young, my parents were frustrated with my Grandmother because they perceived her to be spoiling me. Now, to clarify, this was my Mother’s ma. I spent weekends over there and came back home with new toys almost every time. What my parents didn’t realize or want to admit, I that I was actually earning the funds to buys those toys. I spent weekends with my Grandma cleaning, gardening, and whatever else. She gave me a stipend for my efforts, never more than a 50 in month, and I used that to buy my things., In time, I learned monetary responsibility and the meaning of having to work honestly for your dime. Working for my other grandma, my dad’s dad, felt more akin to working at some stupid f*cking conglomerate. There was an expectation that I kill myself for her because I was her grandkid. I would do more work for her and received less compensation. She had that sense of entitlement to my man hours because her son was my father, similar to how jobs have that sense of entitlement because they sign my checks. By the time I was in the third grade, I understood nothing is given to you. I understood that receiving an honorable mention ribbon or participation trophy was f*cking nonsense. If you wanted something in life, you had to go earn it, which will lead me into my next point but first, let’s address what I saw out of the 20 year old.

Her: Man, this chick is a carton when it comes to entitlement. She feels like everything should be hers! Like, I would order food and she would just stare at me until I offered some. When she got comfortable with me, she’d ask, not just for a bit or some, but the majority of it! After a wh9ile, she had the expectation that, when I bought myself food, I would buy her food, too. She’s 20! This is some sh*t you do for your child, not another adult. My act of kindness, to her, was an obligation. There was a shallow thank you but, in her mind, it was my responsibility to make sure she got food. Even though she was an adult. Even though she had her own job. Speaking of jobs, she would throw active tantrums when no one gave her a ride to work! Like, throw herself on the ground and kick about. Like a 4 year old. This grown ass woman would act out like a toddler because no one wanted to make sure she got to work on time. Even though there were buses. Even though there’s uber. Even though she had legs and could walk. Chick would wait for me to get home, around 4, and spring on me at the last minute she needed to be at work by 5 and that she’s d be ate if I didn’t give her a ride. She was late a great deal, let me tell you that much!

Laziness

Me: When I was about 3 years old, my dad threw me out of bed and taught me how to clean the bathroom. A few months later, he taught me how to clean the kitchen. I learned to vacuum and wash windows. When I was in the 5th grade, I deduced how to wash clothes on my own. By the time I was 12 years old, I knew how to clean an entire house, among other things. I never received an allowance or stipend, this sh*t was just something you did because you lived in the house. I always thought it was chicken sh*t that I did all the cleaning and the adults in the house basically laid around all day but whatever. They fed me some stupid line about having to do it when they were kids and that’s the way it is, and I’ll get to that stupid sh*t later, but I paid my due. To this day, I hate cleaning, not because it’s arduous and unending but because I was made to keep up after grown mother*ckers who flat out didn’t give a sh*t how big of a mess they made. That nonsense made me exceptionally sensitive to cats not cleaning up after themselves or wasting things that need not be wasted. Sh*t like leaving toilet paper afloat in the can or not putting the top back on the tooth paste irk the f*ck out of me. Cooking at 2 am only to leave your crusted pots all over the kitchen counters make me furious. Not having the common decency to keep the common areas of your shared living space make me want to commit arson. Admittedly, I don’t clean as profusely as I once did. That’s because I work 10 to 12 hours days. I tend to come home and sleep until the weekend and, on Sunday, I clean as much as I can. Unless my house is destroyed which is more often than not now because the 20 year old I live with is filthy. I don’t clean up after adults anymore so my house is a disaster area. Because the Woman-child I lived with refuses to act like an adult and pick up after herself.

Her: As I cleaned the bathroom yesterday, i went to take out the garbage that was full of her used toilet tissues from removing her copious amounts of makeup (we’ll get to her narcissism next) and, as i picked up wad after wad off my bathroom floor, I ended up grabbing a used tampon. It was dry and scabby which means it had to have been there for a few days. Considering there was enough tissue to basically hide it from me, it had to have been there forever. You share this space with two other people. I understand that this is a bodily function but really? Like, you can even take out the garbage after this? Not only that, but instead of maybe flushing it, you just check it on the goddamn ground and walk off?? Really? This chick will cook food, eat half of it, and just walk away leaving her plate wherever she placed it. I’ve seen her chop potatoes, decide she didn’t want them, and just left those motherf*ckers on my counter. For months. For three months, to be precise. I counted. And it’s not just that. She leaves her makeup in my bathroom sink. Her clothes are strewn all over my house. What space I allotted to her in the closest doesn’t matter because she never closes the doors so her sh*t spills out in the hallways. Like, I listened to her complain about having no clean clothes to wear on a Monday, and then complain about the same sh*t on another Monday, two weeks later! You don’t have a job! You literally have all of the time in the world! How did you not wash your clothes??

Inclusiveness

Me: There is a wide berth between our mentalities. While I understand and accept that certain social stigmas are unjust and often times, outright cruel, I understand that there is work to be done on both sides to improve these situations. There has to be a dialogue. There has to be an equal exchange of ideas and scenarios, even if they aren’t the same as yours or the purveying accepted thesis. Yes, we should be more inclusive as a society. Yes, we have gotten better at being inclusive with our representation. No, the work is not done. We still have a long way to go .We still need a great deal more social empathy and we need to pick our battles wisely lest we set back the whole movement. BLM, the Kap Knees, and the 1 Percenter protests are all necessary and the right way to go about change. These are the things we needs to do, and cats my age, tend to do.

Her: this chick is am arm chair activist. She spends her time on Facebook posting racially charged memes and accusing anyone who doesn’t believe in what she believes to be an ignorant problem. The thing is, her outrage is superficial. Her perspective on life is colored by MTV and TMZ. Chick has no idea what actual society is like because she’ never attempted to enter it fully. Quite literally, at 20, she considers her 14 year old self “So Tumblr.” That’s only a 6 year difference! You’re telling me you’ve gained perspective in 6 years, even though you’ve never went to college, even though you still run with the same circle of friends, even though you have all of the same bad habits? Nah, your opinion have changed and your need for them to be heard has increased because you’re an “adult” but you still don’t know sh*t. What can you, a 20 year old who’s lived outside of your parents’ home for all of two years collectively, tell me, a 33 year old who’s been on his own since he was 20, anything about life? What can you contribute to the discussion about the gender wage gap, even though you’ve never worked a job earning more than minimum wage? What can you, an adorable mixed gender chick, tell me, a giant black man, about police discrimination? How can you berate a cop for profiling one minute, but then claim to think all white people with dreadlocks smell like garbage the next? Your Social Justice is a fad that you swap out like the sneakers you spend too much money on.

Impatience

Me: The purveying notion is that millennials are, for lack of a better term, impatience. We need instant gratification as opposed to playing the long con. That’s actually pretty true, even in my case. I hate waiting on other people to get me the resources I need in order to produce. I hate depending on other people to the things necessary so that I can do the things I need to do. I am crazy impatience when things aren’t going at the pace I need them to. I understand that, in life, you need to wait for things to happen. I understand that there is a system in the word where being put off somehow equates earned gratification. I do not buy into that nonsense. If I’m at a job, and I’m selling you my time, and I excel at the position, I expect to move upward at the same rate. Why am I busting my ass to show you how great I am as an employee, only to toil away on the vine because you refuse to recognize my shine? I want to be compensated for my ability, not placated and I am VERY impatient when it comes to that. So I try to diversify my expectations. While I might have that lack of fulfillment at my job, I have a blog that I write pretty regularly. I’m working on a novel. I tend to doodle throughout the day and create actual art on the weekends. My impatience with society is almost wholly subverted with my knowledge that I can control other aspects of my life. This is enough for me to cog my way through the professional world. For now.

Her: This chick throws tantrums when you don’t so the things she wants, exactly when she wants them done. Like, she’ll ask you for a favor and then get upset when you don’t from everything and commit to that favor immediately. She applied for a job, didn’t get the position she wanted by was offered two other ones, and promptly left the interview. She bad mouthed the boss when she got home because it made her feel better. She refused to accept that maybe the position she wanted wasn’t hers to take and that maybe she would have to alter her life plan to make up for it just a bit. This chick’s inflexibility is derivative of her lack of social patience. Being so young, she feels like everything she wants, needs to happen immediately and that’s just not how the world works. It never has. The difference between she and in this respect, is that I learned that lesson early in life. She refuses to even acknowledge it.

Rejection

Me: I don’t care about rejection. I don‘t care about losing. I could give you some nonsense about those situations being learning experiences but they’re not. If i fail at something, I tend to analyze why and adjust. I suppose that could be seen as learning but I don’t think it is. It feels more like an accumulation of new data to incise rather than “I’m gonna be a better person for my loss.” Even in passive social situations, if someone tells me “No”, it’s really whatever. If I’m denied something or a service, I move on, maybe finding an alternate route to what I needed. Rejection is a temporary inconvenience to me and I usually find a way to circumvent it with little to no hassle. You’re going to get a ton of “No” in life. It doesn’t make sense to dwell on them if you’re about your sh*t.

Her: man, my brother told her he was going to go hang out with his friends instead of staying in with her (he had spent literally the entire day with her) and she lost her sh*t! For 3 days! She went through her phone and called all of their mutual friends to complain about how much of an “ain’t sh*t n*gga” he was, after she threatened to jump off a goddamn bridge! All because he denied her more of the time she wanted with him. And it wasn’t like she wouldn’t see him ever again, they f*cking live together! They literally sleep in the same bed together! Chick punched a hole in my wall because she couldn’t have the last bread stick. These are extreme examples of her reactions to rejection but they’re a thing. Usually she just throws tantrums but, seriously, destroying sh*t or trying to ruin someone’s reputation because they deny you some semblance of personal gratification is both ridiculous and wildly childish.

Mental Health

Me: I’m a mess. Much like most millennials born in the 80s, I come from a broken home. My parents were emotionally divorced and never really interacted. My dad blamed me for that and viciously took his jealous anger out on me every chance he got. I suffered many an indignity. I was terrorized by one of the people who was charged with my growth and protection, while the other just turned a blind eye to it because she couldn’t fathom someone being so cruel to their own. I’ve experienced the very worst of people for a very long time and it’s left me pretty scarred. I have extreme difficulty with accepting affection and trusting people. I tend to be unreasonably introverted which, I imagine, leads to some form of depression. I often have panic attacks when I remember my childhood, I’ve had nightmares every night of my life since I was about 5 years old which has led to chronic insomnia. 5 hours a sleep is great for me. I was afraid of people for so long that it’s difficult for me to even relate to the smallest things in social situations. I’d say I have Asperger’s but I’m not autistic, just jaded. My intelligence is rather high, I as certified genius with an IQ of 154 when I was in the 3rd grade, so that further alienated me from my peers. I learned early on to be dumb in order to fit in but, as an adult, I tire of that game so I don’t play as often anymore. I have a severe lack of empathy and have next to no regard for life which kind of makes me a sociopath. I exhibit a lot of the qualities troops have after returning from war with PTSD. Therapists have told me I’m too much to treat with just counseling, that I needed drugs to be a person. That seems ridiculous so I just pretend. I wear my “person” suit to the best of my ability and just kind of retreat inward when I grow wary of other people. No, I’m not a serial killer or a criminal or a monster. Interestingly enough, because of the way I am, I would make a great politician, police officer, or spree killer. It’s funny how thin that line is. My point is, with all of my traumas and slights, I learned to cope. I learned to accept that I was damaged and found a way to move forward. I don’t use my issues as a crutch or excuse. I challenge them every day and, while I’ll never be okay, I can be better. I am better. And that’s the journey.

Her: I’m not someone who would belittle another person’s trauma or degrade their struggle. That’s not my place. Everyone goes through it and their journey is their own. She and I have spoken candidly about why she is the way she is. Why she’s depressed. Why she’s slow to trust. Why she is manic. Why she is the way she is or rather, why she believes herself to be. Her issues are strikingly similar to my own lady’s issues but the way the two of them have gone about remedying their respective shortcomings is vastly different. While my chick is in the same boat as me, dealing with her trauma day-to-day with the help of meds and counseling, the 20 year old does nothing. She weaponized her emotional and mental distress to use as a means to deflect and attack the things she doesn’t like. I refer you back to the example where she spazzed out for a weekend because my brother decided to hang out with his friends one night. She chalked that up to be “off her meds”. She comes home and tells me stories about hoe hurtful her mother is in how she’s peaks to her because “She knows I’m mentally fragile.” Again, harsh words send this girl into a fury. Rejection sends her into a spiral. It’s ridiculous. The thing is, though, she KNOWS it. She KNOWS that these things are issues that needs to be addressed and she flat pit refuses. How do I know? I asked her. She said to me it’s too hard working on herself so she’s not going to do it. She’s just going to kill herself when it gets too hard. She’s going to pull one of those “13 reasons why”, guilt-from-beyond-the-grave bullsh*t. Obviously, this is a cry for help, and I tried to do just that, but you have to WANT to get better in order TO get better. This chick has no intention of even ATTEMPTING to do that. It’s everyone else who’s at fault she’s sad. The world isn’t fair not her circumstances. He has no control over her emotions. It’s literally never her, always everyone else, even though it’s her life and she’s the common denominator.

I feel like if you actually took a poll of the older Millennials, the mid to later thirty-somethings, you’d see a sharp contrast to the accepted narrative of how Millennials are portrayed. True, we don’t buy into that “American Dream.’ None of us want the house with the white picket fence and 2.3 kids. The Cleavers were already played out by the time our parents came of age, what makes you think we’d want any part of that nonsense? True, we demand equal compensation for equal amounts of our time. We watched our parents toil away only to lose their jobs after giving companies 20 to 30 years of their lives. If I give you 40 hours of my life a week, I thoroughly expect to take 8 to 16 a month for myself. Who’s trying to work themselves into an early grave for a conglomerate that doesn’t give a sh*t about you? True, we feel like the State would fit the bill for education and healthcare because that seems like a system that breeds true happiness among the populace, or rather, I’d like to see a doctor and not have to sell a kidney to get my heart checked out. Maybe actually attend a university where my math book didn’t cost 700 f*cking dollars or have to graduate with a mortgage full of debt and only an unpaid internship lined up for this degree I worked so hard to get. True, we are the most diverse generation to date and yes, we demand that we ALL are represented both fairly and without judgement of the superficial but I kind of feel like that more a human decency thing rather than a generational divide. True, we don’t care about diamonds, Sears, Buffalo Wild Wings, or Harley Davidson. All them sh*t’s are relics from a bygone era where people were told what was important rather than feeling out what is important to them. Yes, we are the Me, Me, Me generation, not because we’re conceited, entitled, knobs, but because we watched the generations before us buy into that “all for one” rhetoric and get burned alive for it. Excuse us if we’d rather not end up as the same kind of kindling as our parents.

This chick I live with is legally an adult. She is legally looked upon the same way I am but the differences in how we exist and how we engage society are wildly different. I feel like the media hones in too much on the aspects of my generation that she represents, and not the aspects that I represent. Of course a 20 year old is going to be narcissistic, they’re 20. They don’t know any better. They were raised to be. Everyone gets a gold star and, if you try hard, your goals will be achieved! They’re 2 years removed from High School where that nonsense is spewed at them every day. These kids are vaulted into a world that doesn’t give a sh*t if they tried. The world wants results and she, like many of her twenty-something kindred, was not prepared for that in the slightest. Their parents failed them. The system failed them. Society failed them. But society failed me, too. I was 20 years old once. I was 20 with a job, an apartment, a significant other, and living two states away from my home. I learned, early on, that while I am unique and f*cking amazing, I’d have to either constantly prove that to other people or just learn to be okay with knowing how bright I shine, myself. Use that outstanding to fuel my dreams and that’s what I’ve been doing. The thing is, she’s not even trying to learn the tools necessary to engage because of her stupid f*cking entitlement! The fact that she refuses to learn who she is because it’s too hard, stifles her growth as a person , adult, and woman. Her sh*ttiness is then perceived to be the purveying tone of my entire generation and that’s f*cking bullsh*t!

I think a lot of why she’s so goddamn awful is her youth but, at the same time, I see a lot of the same sh*ttiness in my 40 year old sister. She’s not even a millennial! Maybe it’s not my generation at all! Maybe it’s no one’s generation. Maybe there are just asshole outliers that are so visible because they are out there on the fringe making the most noise. Maybe there are just sh*tty people that are extremely sh*tty. Ultimately, one could make the argument that ol’ girl is part of Gen-Z but, much like the beginning of my generation, the inception of those kids is highly debated. I think she’s closer to my circumstance; that tweener of two generations, torn between Y and Z. I thick she personally identifies as a Millennial so, I guess, that’s where we are going with that. I imagine that these hallmarks and grievances kind of grew over time. As younger and younger parent started having more and more kids, that whole “you can be whatever you want to be” aspect kind of took off. The placation and something of helicopter parents has bread a slew of children with no gauge for reality outside of their safe space bubble and instead of understanding their world is cold and hard, they want to make it warm and familiar, like it was when they were literal children. I personally never had a safe space. I was terrorized in home and out. Sure, it’s dope to fill your kids with dreams and hopes but that is no substitute for actual parenting. Telling your child they’re a snowflake doesn’t do them any good. Telling them that they are unique but will have to earn a place for that uniqueness in a world that is going to try and pound that out of you is a more realistic circumstance to prepare your child to engage. Because that’s the reality. I was born in 1984. I am at the beginning of the Millennial generation. I am at the end of Generation X. She was born in 1997. She is at the end of the Millennial generation. She is the beginning of The Facebook Generation. We are two ends of the same spectrum, and like that color wheel, there are many, many hues along the way but, the ends are wildly different. One red, one blue. We are all colors, sure, but we are definitely NOT the same. Trying to paint a portrait of what my generation looks like while using only that single color is both shortsighted and makes for a terrible painting.

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smokeybrand · 7 years

Text

She and Me

Entitlement

Laziness

Inclusiveness

Impatience

Rejection

Mental Health

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