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#oops got rambly again sorry
foxgloveinspace · 6 months
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hello hello!
so i got my mark back on my sleep token visual analysis last night (still cracks me up that i went ahead and wrote about them lol)
and sleep blessed me with another dream about the band!
this was a super meta dream cuz like. okay first i dreamt that i went out to a concert with my family, but i can’t for the life of me remember who it was. after we left that show i went home and then dreamed within my dream. at least, i think that’s how it went. idk it just felt different lmao
anyways, the inner dream was that after i’d left the earlier show, i found out that there was a last minute sleep token show in my city (there’s the dream lol, they’ll never come here)
i got into the show and somehow at the end ended up between the barrier and the stage. vessel jumped down and was thanking the fans and so basically i was like. trying to get through the pathway between stage and barrier while he was following 😂
when we got to the end i stepped aside to let him by and instead got a hug and then when he stepped back he just like, held my face. dream-me may have teared up a little lmao
Sorry I kept this ask for a couple weeks, I liked coming back and reading the end and going ‘wow. That’s so amazing for Exie. I hope they have another dream like this soon.’🤣 I blame the cold for how weirdly sentimental I got over your dream🤣🤣
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critter-covenant · 20 days
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"ooooh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!"
They'd be good friends I like to thinmk
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misc-obeyme · 7 months
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Today (Saturday 9/30) is the last day to submit a prompt suggestion for either Kink or Flufftober! Submissions are open until midnight (US eastern time). You can check the rules here and check the lists for which characters are still available!
Thank you to everyone who has submitted an ask so far! If you submitted a kink prompt and want to submit a fluff prompt or vice versa, please feel free to do so! I'm pretty chill about it and there are still characters on both lists. :)
I'm going to try to alternate between kink and fluff prompts, but no guarantees lol. Just my last event I went in the order the asks were received and it was like five nsfw prompts in a row followed by five sfw prompts and so on. It was kind of funny and I think I'm probably the only one who noticed, but yeah. This time I have a specific number of prompts for each list for each week, so I'm gonna do my best to alternate!
As always, I love you and thank you for reading!
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down-thedrain · 1 year
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oh heavens the cesars are plentiful
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ugh
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#vent/rant ahead i just wanna say stuff:#forcing myself to draw for my friends and post content for my friends and keep Being Active just for other ppl is wearing me out#i WANT to continue to be a part of the community but. man this sucks fkjdhsg#it's entirely my fault. the situations i've put myself in that i dont wanna make public#(not just stuff related to art and content motivation but also Oops i Upset A Friend And Feel Horrible)#but it still sucks even if it is my fault#idk man im just running out of stuff to care about. everything is getting worse 🧍#i'm sure i'll be here every once in a while but will i ever post a full drawing again? great question#clips? very very rarely#actual content? not likely#i have like. one thing i wanna post about at christmas (i know one of my gifts already). besides that uhhhhhhhh i've got nothing#might have one drawing/sketch for december but that's very up in the air#if you know my priv and wanna request go ahead. im always active there and that wont change unless twitter explodes#even if you've requested before and aren't in it now you can request again. i'll try to be more lenient with it (again this is my fault)#i doubt i could ever make myself straight up abandon this blog. i'll continue to answer asks and ramble when i want to#but forcing myself to be a Content Provider sucks. it's not working. i'm still sad. he's still dead. my friends are leaving.#i'm not gonna have anyone left by this time next year it'll just be me and the void lmao#too nervous to follow anyone new. too nervous to talk the friends i already have. cant hold a conversation to save my life#this is why i have like... 3 friends here (i think we're friends). sorry i never talk to you guys it's just Difficult :/#and it's not getting any easier. not since june/july !#all goat knows is talk about skyblock (getting harder to do). post link to song. and make 50 more non-rebloggable posts#chat#come back later#(to delete probably idk)#now the real question: is this all related to [current issues causing mood swings] or is this something that's been building since june#we'll see i guess#i could be fine a month or so from now. or tomorrow. or all the way in the summer. who knows#*attaches a picture of techno to make this seem slightly less miserable* jkfhdkg#i hate there being like 2000 people here. nearly 3000 i think. idk#i want to talk and rant without feeling like im making the world's worst apology video KJFDHKG i dont like having so many eyes on me
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chisatowo · 1 year
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Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun
#rat rambles#^ just finished a video essay abt trans stuff and is having a Moment™#Im ok just kinda emotional#and filled with rage abt everything ever but yknow when am I not#I rlyyy need to see if theres any lgbtq originisatons in my area#if theres one close enough maybe I could start vollenteering? idk#Im just anxious abt not being considered queer enough yknow the usual sorts dhndhdjhdjd#but honestly its more so abt my lesbianism since I have a very complicated relationship with ulit#like it makes me feel like if I bring up my acearo identity it makes my lesbianism less ~real~ somehow#like idk I wanna meet other queer ppl irl and I want more queer friends and I wanna be able to experiment with stuff#but idk why Im so scared abt the idea of having to explain myself#I know ppl probably wont care but ig Im just scared that if other queer ppl reject me then Ill have nowhere to go#or maybe itd go great and I could get a girlfriend like fuck man thats the problem xhdkgsksh#it could be the best thing thats ever happened to me but Im so anxious abt trying#Ive been so lonely and fuck man I dont trust myself to not let myself get trampled#sorry this got real personal real fast dhdkgdkdh again Im ok just emotional#now that I brought up the girlfriend thing tho I am going to be having gay thoughts while I shower so oops dhkdhkdh#idk Im still so unsure abt how I feel abt dating no romantic attraction asside like#again Ive never been able to experiment? and I also just dont know if theres anyone Id be willing to date in practice#like it might just be lonliness but it also could be me forming a stronger sense of self and better existing outside of relationships#and as such feeling more comfortable abt the idea of having more deep relationships with ppl even outside of dating and such#but again its all theoretical rn 😔#anyways I need to shower bro its so late#rat vents
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Hey Corey I have a question, how did you and Grace do that friends to lovers thing and how do I do it. Please I need advice how do you do the wlw thing
yes, hi my beloved! idk why i forgot to respond to this, so jeg siger undskyld that this is a late response iogcfgvhjiiuhgfcuytrtdf
um. so like. the answer is my internet friend shannon literally forced me to confess to grace. like. not even kidding - my confession was read straight from my phone. it was a message that shannon sent me of what to say. i didn't even look at grace because i was so nervous iuygfgvhoiuhygtfcvgh i also tell shannon like everything, so shannon got every update on our relationship and feelings from my pov and then was like "okay just talk about this" like i'm not kidding we'd still prolly be pining / trying not to have a crush on each other if shannon hadn't forced me to say something haha
so ig what i'm saying is find someone who forces you to talk <3
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nickywhoisi · 2 years
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oh god there was some weird altercation that just happened. I did ask for people to talk to, but I didn’t think carefully about how I wanted to be spoken to/approached. Somebody just said to me that they “took” my tag as an invitation, but...that felt too weird and awkward. I felt like that was too strong on their part, or the wording just wasn’t right or felt safe, and now I can’t feel good about the thing I wanted to happen. I feel sick, this wasn’t supposed to happen.
I’ve since removed the tag, and...I would still like to meet people, but maybe I made the mistake of having others reach out to me. It always seems to go wrong somehow. I can’t understand why this keeps happening as it does. I think I should take charge of that part when I feel truly ready to, instead. And if anyone else does want to hmu, then please be as careful and gentle as possible.Like super vigilant about how you say something to me. I’ve come from a torn background where everything has been turned backwards, so avoid saying things like “I took _ as an invitation to _” or anything that’s too strong/pushy. I’m so sorry I didn’t think to specify that until now. Something like a “Hey, I saw your tag. Is it okay to talk to you?” or “I would love to chat with you! Is this a good time?” would be much more preferable. What is the most mindful and careful to say that respects my boundaries, feelings and wishes will result in far better things. So if you do see that tag post before this, PLEASE READ THIS IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARD. Thank you. 
Oh god, I really hope I don’t come across as ungaugeable or unapproacheable now. I really genuinely do want to initiate some interaction with people as I said. I just need to make sure it’s the right kind. Always have to work so hard at doing that, and it tends to leave me hyperwired and easy to scare/discomfort, then I usually shut off the whole thing to keep myself safe. In fact it’s been like that for many years, and it only feels like just recently I’m untangling all of that. Fixing myself up and curating my experiences is really hard work!
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arrowpunk · 2 months
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Me: Hmmmm I think I need to start watching/reading/listening to more silly lighthearted media. I've been consuming too much heavy stuff lately and I don't think this is good for my overall mental wellbeing without something to balance it out
Also me: OOOO you know what I want to try watching again? Black Sails
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avatarofthelonely · 3 months
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ive had many Thoughts about tmagp but i feel reluctant to share any of them since i feel silly trying to speculate about a show that barely even has any episodes and tbh i think im justified in this bc last week i was gonna post like "i wonder if the fears only started manifesting in the protocol universe around/after 2018 since all the incidents so far happened in 2022 👀" and then this week we immediately got an incident from 2009 -_-
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flaming-toads · 10 months
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satuguro · 1 year
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can you do sub!ethan on call with chad while reader blows him and makes him talk to chad and hold on his moans, I BEGGG!! pls and thank u
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・゜KEEP IT DOWN LOW
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ethan landry x reader
#SYNOPSIS— ethan needs to stop talking to chad and start paying attention to you.
#CONTAINS— mild degradation, spit, oral (m. receiving), exhibitionism (??), sub! ethan, mild mommy kink (not sorry at all)
#AUTHORSNOTE— thank you for requesting! @cerealzzz's post def reminded me to write this oops
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he was still talking to him.
you were silently fuming as you watched ethan talk actively with chad, his free hand moving as he spoke about something you frankly couldn’t care less about.
you hadn’t had a lot of time with ethan in a week because of finals and work, and now he was being stolen from you because of chad? you were just about ready to beat the jock up.
chad had called an hour ago. for one whole hour you had been sitting on your phone, patiently waiting for their conversation to end. you knew ethan was also partly the reason for the long conversation; he could go through a million topics before going back on track, but chad wasn’t any better because he was exactly the same way.
another loud sigh escaped your lips, one that your boyfriend easily ignored as he smiled into the phone at something chad said. was he in love with chad? you, tara, and mindy always used to joke about it but the more your patience wore thin the more you felt like it might be true.
you sighed again— louder and longer this time, eyes still set on your phone screen, and finally ethan got the memo. he looked up with you with an apologetic smile and kept talking.
maybe he didn’t get the memo. you rolled your eyes as the conversation continued on, your fingers moving on their own as you mindlessly scrolled through social media, until you stopped. it was as if a lightbulb had gone off in your head, the idea striking you and sounding so perfect that you resisted the urge to say, “i’m a genius,” out loud to your distracted boyfriend.
putting your phone on the side table gently, you slowly moved closer to ethan as he sat on your bed, his back to the headboard and his legs splayed out in front of him. he gave you an innocent smile (he was so sweet, but at the moment you didn’t care) as you put your legs on either side of his hips, straddling him.
“hi, baby,” ethan said softly, smile quickly falling when he heard chad’s voice on the other line. “what? no, of course not to you—“ his ramble was cut off with a gasp from him as your clothed cunt moved against his bulge, eyes widening as he stared up at you.
and that smile you had.. it told him everything he needed to know about what was going on.
you raised a finger to your lips as you moved on top of ethan again, hips fluid as you felt him get harder underneath you. his cheeks were reddening as he listened to chad, lips parted as he moved his hips up to meet yours, desperate for friction.
“ethan? hello?” chad said from the other side of the phone, dragging out ethan’s name.
“keep talking,” you mouthed to him, slowly moving down his body as you sent him a grin. you were face to face with the drawstring of his joggers, eyes still dead set on his dilated ones as he struggled to keep himself under control.
“sorry—“ ethan said, his voice a bit higher than usual as you palmed him through his pants. he never failed to be so needy for you, his eyes boring into yours as he silently pleaded for more. “i’m free on thursday, if you and mindy wanna go see the movie,” ethan forced out.
you pulled his joggers down, a wicked smile on your face when you saw his hard cock straining through his underwear. leaning down, you mouthed at it through the fabric.
ethan sucked his lower lip into his mouth, covering the bottom of the phone as a needy whine left his lips. “please,” he whispered to you, making you tsk.
“don’t keep chad waiting, ethan.” your smile grew as you pulled his underwear down, his hard cock nearly hitting you in the face.
“have you seen a lot on it? evil dead rise?” chad asked on the other line, forcing ethan to focus on him yet again. but how could he when his eyes were solely on you and the spit that was falling from your mouth and onto his fat tip?
“n—no—“ ethan lied, eyes rolling to the back of his head when you took his tip into your mouth, tonguing at his sensitive slit. “i—“ he covered the bottom of the phone as he moaned softly. “i haven’t seen anything!” ethan said all at once, his words strung together as you began bobbing your head.
he was always so sensitive. even the slightest touch from you got him hard, and you loved that about him.
“dude, are you okay?” chad asked with a small laugh, making ethan’s cheeks burn red as you pulled off of him, jerking him off in your hand.
ethan whimpered, eyes glassy as he tried to compose himself. “i’m fine— oh my god—“ he bit down on his bottom lip again, sharp canines digging into his skin as he felt you take all of him into your mouth and suck hard. his hand went to the back of your head, guiding you up and down his cock as his head fell back. he was trying so hard to keep it together, to listen to what chad was saying and keep himself under control, but ethan couldn’t, because you mouth felt so good and warm, and your tongue was running along the vein that ran under his cock and it was all too much.
pulling off of his cock with a 'pop', your tongue ran along ethan's tip. “you better keep talking, baby," you murmured quietly, loud enough for only the poor boy could hear, "you don't want chad to know how desperate you are for me, huh?"
ethan's head shook quickly, his curls moving with him as he let out a shaky exhale. chad was still talking animatedly into the phone, blissfully oblivious to how his 'innocent' roommate was getting the life sucked out of him on the other line. and as he spoke, ethan's hand covered the bottom of the phone as he bit back loud moans, head falling back against the headboard.
"dude, usually you're the one who can't shut up over the phone," chad said, only mildly worried, making ethan's eyes widen when he remembered he hadn't spoken for nearly three minutes.
"just— mm— not feeling well!" ethan managed, "just keep talking, i'll listen!" he forced out before quickly pressing mute and dropping the phone and letting out such a slutty moan that you found yourself practically dripping at the sound.
saliva dripped down to the base of his cock and down to his balls, which you played with in your hand as your head bobbed. up and down, you took him deeper and deeper into your mouth, eyes watering and tears streaming down your face, and finally, finally, you looked up at your boyfriend, and his cock hit the back of your throat.
you looked so lewd. ethan's bottom lip was bitten red as he let out a stifled whine just at the sight of you. you were so beautiful, he never could get over that, but seeing you in such a sinful position with eyes akin to a succubi's made him buck his hips into your throat. your lips were stretched over the girth of his cock, saliva fully dripping from the corners as tears fell from your cheeks. your hand was jerking off what you couldn't fit in your mouth, and when you pulled away, your hand didn't stop.
tump swiping over his tip, you watched as ethan whimpered, his voice breathless and high pitched as he began to speak as though chad wasn't on the phone. "y/n— momma— please," ethan whined a little bit louder than he wanted to, eyes glassy as he stared down at you. he was so close. so fucking close, and you were torturing him more than you already had been.
"awe, you wanna cum in my mouth?" you asked condescendingly, making him whine in frustration.
ethan's cheeks burned red with embarrassment, his tears already welling in his eyes (the poor boy always got so emotional when he was needy) as he sniffed and nodded. "please."
with a smirk like the devil, you took him back into your mouth, not wasting any more time in giving him what he wanted. incoherent babbles left ethan's mouth as you let him fuck your mouth, lewd choking sounds echoing in your room as you sucked him off.
"gonna cum— wanna— please—" ethan shoved his cock deeper into your mouth, a moan leaving his lips as he came in your mouth. hot spurts of cum filled your mouth, and as you slowly pulled yourself off of his still hard cock (jesus, his stamina was crazy), you opened your mouth to reveal your tongue full of white. ethan's eyes widened at the sight, his pupils dilated as he stared shamelessly before you swallowed.
"fuck," ethan breathed, cheeks as red as his bitten lips before you shoved your pants off and pulled your panties aside, sinking down onto his cock and making him whine at the overstimulation.
you picked up ethan's phone, resisting the urge to laugh when you noticed that ethan was so fucked out that he didn't press mute on his phone. horror befall ethan's face when you showed him the ongoing call that was very much not muted, and you hummed as you raised it to your ear. your hips rolled on top of ethan's.
"sorry, chad. how much of that did you hear?"
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#TAGLIST— @the-sander-fander
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tubbytarchia · 4 months
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Thoughts on the dynamic between TIES Tango and BB Jimmy? Or even the silly rivalry they have in SL? There’s just so much adorable fluffy potential there and I’m just 💭
- 🧚🏼‍♀️
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YOU'RE RIGHT THERE IS AND I LOVE THEM. SL ranchers are SO cute and precious its off the charts. Limited Life however...
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Ok drawing that hurt a bit so I'm immediately following up with this
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Limited Life is so carefree in general it's SO fun and probably the least angst material out of any of the Life series to me (of course there is still plenty, can't underestimate the traffic fandom's ability to find angst in everything) including Tango and Jimmy. They're so fun and you're right that it's a lot of fluff potential, mostly because Jimmy being a "bad boy" is so funny. BUT THE, MAN. TH The fact that this is the one after DL, after Jimmy so desperately wanted to apologize to Tango for how they went out and who knows if he got to do that or not. I love the idea of them reuniting in some temporary afterlife game or dark void following their deaths, but also what if they didn't get to talk... maybe it was only Tango's distant messages "you're still here? It's over. Go home. Go" that reached him and then he just didn't dare to talk about it other than the one time he instinctually called him "rancher" again. I can't help but be filled with angst when I think about LimL ranchers but I trust that where there is angst, hurt/comfort is sure to follow.... If not then I just die I guess
The bad boy sunglasses are very convenient to hide the look with which he gazes upon Tango from a distance... But then oop Tango hops through the nether portal on top of bad boy mansion and Jimmy decides to go for it, to try and harken back to how they used to be to gauge how Tango will react when he goes "The boogie's being chosen, you're here with us now, we have to look into each other's eyes!" (paraphrasing) and then he's like "oh Impulse is here too" lmao and then that's just kinda it. And then TIES blows up bread bridge and auughhghhh you know??? I'm so bad at expressing how I feel, sorry this is a ramble. But I love them so very dearly and I could absolutely imagine inconspicuous moments between them. Like whenever I think of potential LimL rancher fluff my mind goes to this one fanfic about Jimmy being sleep deprived and he just kinda ends up at TIES and Tango puts him to sleep. Stuff like that
And idk what more to say about Secret Life. Their little rivalry is so funny and literally idk if it's the fanart that has absolutely fucked with my head but every time I think about them I imagine them awkwardly flirting on complete accident and just being kind of weird but. very lovable. They had only two notable interactions and those two interactions left me permanently deranged
ANYWAY THANKS FOR THE ASK ANON
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f1goat · 9 months
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his masseur x lando norris
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In which you're Lando his best friend and masseur, but your feelings start to cause a bit of trouble.
Requested: yes Warnings: small mentions of sexual content / not proof read
Tuesday - August 2022
“Maybe you can sleep in my bed this time?” Lando asks you. 
You look up surprised. This is new.
“What’s wrong with the guest room?” You ask still surprised.
“Nothing!” Lando quickly exclaims, “but I’m tired but I also don’t want to stop cuddling like this. So I thought we could sleep together.. Maybe?” 
You notice that Lando is rambling now. You smile at him. “That sounds great,” you say with a genuine smile.
Lando leaves his earlier position to get of the couch. You think about what’s happening. Maybe it’s weird for friends to cuddle as much as you and Lando do. Maybe it’s even weirder that you’re going to sleep in the same bed as him. But it’s not like you mind. You have been crushing on Lando forever, so every little thing you can have you take willingly.
Thursday - November 2022
“Happy birthday Lan!”
You kiss him on his cheeks. Lando pulls you even closer to him so the two of you can hug properly. After a bit you release yourself from his hug so you can give him his present. You hand him over the present you carefully wrapped with an orange wrapping paper. You watch how Lando unties the golden ribbons. 
His face lits up when he sees the present. You smile as well from his happy reaction. It’s safe to say he loves the new microphone you got him. It’s themed with everything he likes. The Quadrant logo and colors are covering the stand part, while the mic itself is a bit more McLaren themed. 
“I thought you could use a new one for your streams,” you tell him. 
“You’re amazing!” Lando exclaims enthusiastic. He pulls you closer to himself again. It doesn’t take more then a few seconds before he’s hugging you once again. 
“I love it,” he tells you softly, “You know me the best!”
Sunday - December 2022
“Finally a well deserved break,” Lando says. 
You nod. “You were amazing this season,” you tell him. 
Lando smiles gratefully. “I couldn’t have done it without you,” he tells you even more grateful. 
“Don’t say that,” you say quickly, “It was all you. I’m just massaging you.”
“I’m glad you’re on my team,” Lando says, “so I might have a tiny surprise to thank you for that.”
“A tiny surprise?” You ask.
“I booked us a hotel here, so we can spend a week together. We can do some fun things! Like exploring the city and go buggy riding in the desert.”
“That’s not a tiny surprise,” you tell him while laughing.
“Oops,” Lando just says.
“Are you thanking everyone on your team like that?” You ask.
“I send the rest a nice thank you card,” Lando replies.
You laugh.
Sunday morning - January 2023
“I can’t wait to spend the whole year with you again,” Lando softly says. The clock just stroke midnight. Lando is sitting next to you on the couch. You’re with friends, but everyone is busy with wishing each other a happy new year. Something you should do as well, but you’re enjoying your small private moment with Lando. 
“Me too Lan,” you say, “and a happy new year to you!”
“Happy new year!” Lando replies happily.
He comes closer to you. You want to press a kiss to his cheek, like you always do with friends while wishing them a happy new year. Lando seems to have the same idea. You don’t know how it happend, but in some way Lando his lips end up on yours.
“Oh fuck,” you say.
It didn’t even last two seconds, but it feels like an eternity. 
“Sorry!” Lando quickly says.
“It doesn’t matter Lan, nothing happened. I’m going to wish the others a happy new year as well.”
Lando watches you when you walk away. He sighs. “Yeah, nothing happened. Just my feelings for you,” he mutters annoyed. 
Thursday night - February 2023
“Thanks for picking me up,” you tell Lando.
“It’s nothing, how was the date?” Lando asks you.
You sigh. “Since I texted you a few hours earlier then we discussed I think you can conclude that it was bad.”
“I don’t get it. Why do you keep going on dates with types like this?” Lando asks you.
“I don’t know either,” you sigh. You think about who you really want. The guy next to you who’s currently driving you home in his McLaren. Lando is silent, he’s thinking about how it shouldn’t feel this way. Every time he picks you up he’s happy that your date didn’t go well. He can’t be like this. His jealousy is rising up way too much recently.
“I think I’m going to stop dating for a while,” you tell Lando after a bit of silence, “Maybe I’m not ready yet,” you add.
Lando can’t stop himself from smiling. It’s insane how relieved he feels suddenly.
Friday night - March 2023
“Would it be weird if we kissed?”
You look up at Lando. Does he even know what he’s asking you right now? It’s not like you can blame him right now. He’s drunk. But still, you let out a small sigh when you think about his question. Yes it would be weird, but you wouldn’t care about that. 
“I kinda want to kiss you,” Lando continues.
Butterflies are all over the place inside of you. You don’t have to check the rear mirror in Lando his car to find out your cheeks are red. You feel flustered. You try to focus on driving, but Lando is making it hard for you. For the second time that evening you remind yourself about Lando his condition. He’s drunk. Carlos and Max texted you before to warn you and when you picked up Lando you quickly noticed it as well. You can’t take his words serious right now, he’s drunk. 
“You’re drunk Lan,” you tell him after doubting for a bit, “but yes, it probably would be weird. We have been friends forever.” You don’t tell him that you don’t mind the weird aspect. You also don’t tell him about your feelings from the last years for him. 
“If you say so,” Lando sighs. 
You hope Lando doesn’t asks questions like this again. Or not like this. He can ask questions like this, but not when he’s drunk and his words are meaningless. 
Saturday morning - March 2023
“Fuck,” Lando grunts, “That was just what I needed.” 
You release a bit off the harsh pressure you used earlier. Slowly you massage further. Since you graduated last year, you’ve become Lando his personal masseuse. You’ve been lucky when McLaren hired you for it. Since then you join Lando and his - and your - team to every race. Meaning you can spend a lot of time with Lando. 
“I thought so,” you tell Lando smilingly.
Lando lets out a soft moan. Something that can give you weird butterflies sometimes, but now you’re getting used to it. It’s just because your massaging him. 
“You seemed pretty drunk last night,” you add.
“Oh god,” Lando grunts, “Please don’t remind me. I have no memories left. Sorry that you needed to pick me up like that.” 
You let out a soft disappointed sigh. You already expected this, but still. It would be nice if Lando remembered what he told you last night. It’s nothing new. Things like this happen way too often. 
“It doesn’t matter Lan, that’s what friends do,” you tell him to comfort him.
“Hm, friends yeah,” Lando sighs. 
“What do you mean?” You ask.
Lando doesn’t really respond anymore. You put a bit more pressure on his abs while massaging him. While you do so you think about multiple weird situations you had with Lando. 
“Maybe we can have a night in tonight? After qualifying,” Lando suggests after a bit. “We can watch some movies or something, whatever you like,” he adds.
“I kinda planned a selfcare night,” you tell Lando, “but maybe we can combine it?” 
“I’m in,” Lando tells you happily. 
“Great!”
Saturday - April 2023
“Y/n, it’s time for my massage.”
You look up surprised. Lando is standing in front of you and Pierre. What is he talking about? You just massaged him earlier. You’re free for the rest of the day. 
“Let’s talk further another time,” Pierre tells you.
You just met him. He seemed nice. Maybe you can finally find some other friends on the grid as well? 
“That sounds great,” you tell Pierre excited. 
You almost start to think that Lando lets out a scoff, but you’re probably wrong. You walk closer to Lando and he takes you with him to his drivers room.
“I already massaged you Lan, what was that about?” You ask him confused.
“I just got a bit of pain in my shoulder,” Lando mutters.
“Okay, can you pull of your shirt?”
When Lando feels your hands on his painless shoulders, he feels happy again. Maybe it was childish, but he didn’t see another way to get you away from Pierre and back to himself.
What’s going on with him?
Wednesday - May 2023
“I think I’m in love with y/n.”
“No shit,” Max sighs, “It took you forever to find out.”
Lando looks at his friend. Was he that transparant?
“So when will you tell her?” Max asks.
“Never!” Lando says quickly. He almost shouts. “What do you think that’ll happen? She doesn’t return my feelings, everything will become awkward and then I will lose her.”
“For fuck sake,” Max sighs, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Max, you have to keep this a secret,” Lando almost begs, “I can’t lose y/n.”
“You’re such an idiot.”
Saturday - June 2023
“Fuck, that feels amazing,” Lando moans.
You slowly apply more pressure to his body. Your hands roam around Lando his necks and shoulders carefully. When you come closer to his neck, Lando can’t withhold another soft moan. You start to feel the well known butterflies flatter around in your body.
Lando doesn’t stop. He keeps letting out soft sounds that show you exactly what you’re doing to him. After a bit you notice that you’ll get an even bigger reaction when you massage him on a specific spot close to his neck. You can’t help yourself and don’t stop touching him there. Can it be his sweet spot? You wonder what will happen when you let your lips touch his neck right on that spot. Fuck, you shouldn’t think like this.
“Can you lie down on your back Lan?” You ask a bit later.
Lando shuffles a bit, but he doesn’t move to lie down on his back. You wonder what’s going on. 
“Lan?” You ask.
“Give me a few minutes,” Lando tells you. 
“Is something wrong? You need to tell me if you feel uncomfortable or painful when I do something,” you say.
“No!” Lando quickly replies, “It’s far from wrong.”
You don’t get it at first, but then Lando lies down on his back. You notice the bulge that formed itself in his pants. Lando doesn’t look at you. Something that comes in quite handy right now, because you’re smile isn’t really professional anymore.
Sunday - July 2023
Lando his qualifying at Silverstone went amazing. He got the second place and that as his home race. This is amazing. Currently the two of you are laying on the couch. You’re feeling relaxed while spending time like this with Lando. 
“Maybe I can massage you a bit?” Lando suggests, “Reverse the roles  for once.”
“That seems nice.”
Lando helps you to find a comfortable position on his lap. His hands slowly find your shoulders. He’s quick to apply a bit of pressure on them. You let out a soft sigh of relaxation. It’s been way too long since someone massaged you. That’s the disadvantage of being a masseur, everyone always expects you to massage them and not the other way around. 
“How does this feel?” Lando asks you. 
It feels like his hands are touching you everywhere at once. You haven’t felt this relaxed in a long time. He’s slowly massaging your neck and you can’t stop yourself from letting out a soft moan. 
“Like you should do this more often,” you answer Lando jokingly.
You don’t tell him that you already feel yourself getting wet. Fuck. Why does he have to have such big, strong hands? That also feel insanely good on your body?
***
A few hours and a movie and some YouTube video’s later you’re still laying against Lando. The two of you are cuddled up on the couch in your hotel room. Lando plays with your hair while he focuses on the television in front of him. You can’t seem to focus anymore. Your mind keeps filling up with thoughts about Lando. 
“I’m glad you’re on my team,” Lando tells you suddenly, “I couldn’t have done this without you.”
“You’re the one who’s racing this good,” you reply. 
“Yeah, yeah,” Lando says slowly, “but I couldn’t have done any of this without your support. It means the world to me that you’re always here.”
“There’s no place where I would be rather.”
“Promise me you’re in for a long time?” Lando asks you.
Without even thinking about it you stick out your pink. Lando is quick to wrap his own around yours.
“I promise Lan and if you join another team, I’ll do everything I can to join them as well.”
“I’m not going anywhere else if you can’t join me,” Lando says, “If they want me, they get you as well.”
You laugh. 
Sunday - July 2023
You haven’t seen Lando for a while now. The two of you are in some sort of night club with a lot of the other drivers. Earlier today Lando got his second place. His first podium of the season. He even drove a couple laps as race leader. Things were amazing. You haven’t been proud, excited and happy like this for a long time. It feels insanely good. That’s why the both of you wanted to celebrate. 
“Hi!”
You notice that Pierre Gasly is standing in front of you and just greeted you. 
“Hey,” you greet him back.
Pierre and you have know each other for a while now. You can say that you’re friends with each other, but not really close friends. During race weekends you’ll talk with each other, but that’s about it. Still, when you talk to each other it’s nice and comfortable. 
“In the mood to dance?” Pierre asks you. You’re quick to nod. Pierre gives you his hand and takes you with him towards the dance floor. 
When Lando searches for you, he’s surprised to find you on the dance floor. Until he sees with who you are. Fuck. He lets out an annoyed sigh. Why does Pierre always come close to you? Lando thinks about a way to get you away from Pierre, but he can’t figure out something right now.
“Congrats on the podium!” 
Without even realizing it, Lando is hugging with Yuki Tsunoda. He makes a bit of small talk with him, but Lando his eyes never leave you and Pierre. It annoys him that you’re still dancing with him. He needs to figure out a way to get you back to himself.
“Don’t you find them cute together?” Yuki asks him after a while.
Is Yuki talking about you and Pierre as well? Before Lando can say anything, Yuki continues talking.
“Pierre has been planning on taking her out for a while, maybe he’ll finally ask her now,” Yuki tells Lando. 
“He likes her?” Lando asks.
Yuki nods.
“Fuck, I knew it,” Lando mutters annoyed. 
Without a plan he walks towards you and Pierre. When he stands in front of you two, he’s quick to grab your arm. You are quick to look up. You’re surprised to see Lando in front of you. 
“We’re going back to the hotel,” Lando tells you quickly, not knowing any better excuse right now. 
“Why?” You ask surprised.
“I’m not feeling well,” Lando lies. 
He notices the way your facial expressions change. He starts to feel like a terrible person when he sees your concerned face. 
“What’s wrong?” You ask him. 
“I’ll explain in the car,” Lando answers with the lack of a better answer.
“Wait, y/n, before you go, can I ask you something?” Pierre asks you.
Lando his grip on your arm firms. He pulls you with him softly. You look at him, still concerned about his well being. “I really want to go,” Lando tells you. He knows what’s coming next, Pierre is going to ask you out. Fuck. He needs to get you away. 
“Maybe you can text me it?” You suggest to Pierre, “Lando isn’t feeling well, so we’re leaving now.”
“I’ll just ask you later,” Pierre sighs.
When you’re sitting in Lando his car, you notice that the boy is looking a lot better already. His weird facial expressions from earlier are gone, he almost seems relieved now? Maybe he was overwhelmed with all the attention and loud music? 
“What was wrong?” You ask Lando. 
“I uh,” Lando stutters a bit, “uh, I uh, I had a.. a uh, a headache. But it’s already getting better now.”
***
“Sooo,” you let out. You have been waiting for a moment to ask Lando something and maybe now is your chance? 
“So?”
“Why don’t you like Pierre?” You ask him. 
Since you and Pierre have gotten a bit closer, you have noticed Lando his strange behavior against Pierre. He always tries to get you away from him with excuses (?) about more massages. Or he joins your conversation and makes things awkward. What seems on purpose sometimes. 
“You always try to get me away from him,” you add while waiting for Lando his reaction. 
Lando sighs. Maybe he should just tell you everything. But he doesn’t. 
“There’s nothing wrong with Pierre,” Lando replies.
Wednesday - July 2023
“Want to lunch together?” Lando asks you. 
“I’m sorry Lan, Pierre asked me to get lunch together earlier today,” you reply a bit disappointed. If Lando only asked you earlier…
“Oh allright, then I’ll see you later. Right?” Lando asks disappointed.
“Yeah, after lunch I’ll be back,” you reply. 
“Okay, have fun.”
Friday - July 2023
“We’re still on for tonight, right?” Lando asks you. 
“What do you mean?” You ask surprised. 
“It’s Friday!” Lando exclaims loudly, “we always have your self care night on Friday.” 
“Oh fuck,” you whisper. You totally forgot. Or better said, you didn’t know Lando saw it as a weekly thing. “Pierre asked me out for dinner tonight, I’m so sorry Lan,” you explain, “but I can cancel?” 
“You don’t have to,” Lando sighs, “just have fun with Pierre.” 
***
Y/n: uh hi 
Y/n: can u pick me up?
Lando: where?
Y/n: *location*
Lando: where is that? Who lives there?
Y/n: Pierre
Lando: can’t he bring you home
Lando: you seem to be dating him
Lando: not me.
Y/N: please lan
Lando: Omw
***
“Thanks for picking me up,” you tell Lando when you step into his car. 
Lando is quick to notice your sad expression. He wonders what happened inside Pierre his house. When he sees a small tear rolling over your cheek, he knows for sure something happened.
“What’s wrong?” Lando asks you. 
“I don’t want to talk about it,” you sigh. 
“Babygirl,” Lando sighs, “What’s going on lately? We barely see each other and now I’m picking you up from Pierre’s while you’re all sad?” 
You let out a small sob. 
“I fucked things up,” you cry out. 
Lando increases his speed, he wants to get home as soon as possible so he can talk to you properly. He puts his free hand on your thigh and slowly draws some figures on it. When you use both of your hands to hold his, he can’t resist a small smile. 
When you’re inside Lando his home, you know Lando still wants answers. He deserves them as well. Together you sit down on his couch. You try to look at Lando, but you can only sob when you do. 
Pierre asked you to be his girlfriend tonight. You told him no. Of course you said no. You thought things between you two were just friendly. And there’s Lando. Maybe if Lando wasn’t here, you would have given Pierre a chance. But he’s here. He’s always on your mind. Even when you tried to forget about him, he’s always present in your thoughts. 
“What happened?” Lando asks you again. 
“I uh,” you stutter, “Pierre uh.. He, he asked me to be his uh.. his girlfriend.” 
“Then why are you crying? Isn’t that what you wanted?” Lando asks confused. His body is heating up. He can’t handle it if you’re officially Pierre’s. 
“I said no,” you state. This time the words come out a bit calmer. 
“Didn’t he accept that?” Lando questions.
You just nod your head this time. When you think back about Pierre his reaction, you shiver. 
“Want to talk about it?” Lando asks you.
“Later,” you suggest. 
Lando opens his arms for you. It doesn’t take you long before you find your comfortable spot back. You lean on his chest. You’ve missed this. 
“I’ve missed you,” you sob.
“I never left,” Lando states, “I just gave you some space with Pierre.” 
“I don’t want space,” you sigh. 
“What do you want?” Lando asks you confused, “I thought you wanted to date Pierre, so it seemed logical to give you a bit of space while figuring things out with him.”
You don’t think about your answer.
“I want you,” you state. 
When the words leave your mouth, you realize the impact of them. Fuck. What did you just do? This is going to be the moment that you’ll lose Lando. You already feel him straighten up, sitting more straight then before. Slowly you seat yourself different as well. Lando looks in your eyes and you can’t look away. 
“That’s a dangerous thing to say,” Lando replies.
“I can’t unsay it I guess,” you sigh, “This is just great. I fucked up something even more important now.” 
“You didn’t ruin anything,” Lando comforts you, “but you need to explain what happened and what you mean.” 
You sigh again. 
“I told Pierre I didn’t want to date him, I thought our ‘dates’ were friendly. Then he got mad. He started to talk about all the money he spend on me,” you explain slowly, “I told him I could pay him back, but that wasn’t what he wanted. I don’t know what happened, but I do know I lost a friend.” 
“And then I started thinking about you. How I blew you off multiple times because Pierre asked me to do something, I was afraid that I lost you as well.” 
“Pierre’s a dick,” Lando scoffs, “and you can’t lose me. No matter how hard you’ll try, you can’t lose me.”
You let out a couple sobs. Lando pulls you closer to himself again. 
“What do you mean with wanting me?” He asks you.
“Fuck Lan,” you sigh, “I’ve been in love with you for like forever.” 
Lando doesn’t know what he just heard. He asks you again. And again. You keep telling him the truth. 
“Fuck,” he says after a while.
“I’m sorry,” you sob, “I knew telling you was a mistake. Please stay my friend.” 
“Max was right,” Lando says.
You look at him, confused by the deeper meaning behind his words.
“I should have told you,” Lando continues, “Then all of this would never have happened.” 
“Told me what?” You ask confused.
“I’m in love with you,” Lando confesses, “I’ve been for the longest time. That’s why I didn’t like all of your dates, including Pierre.”
Saturday - August 2023
“It always turns me on when you massage me,” Lando confesses. 
You laugh softly. 
“Remember than one time you massaged me?” You ask Lando. He’s quick to nod. “We both have that problem.” 
“Maybe I can massage you again tonight?” Lando suggests. 
“That sounds amazing.”
1K notes · View notes
reidssluttywaist · 19 days
Text
Spencer does your makeup.
In which you let Spencer do your makeup for the day, and he knows exactly how you do it.
fem!reader, fluff
notes: this isn't proofread, so sorry in advance for any mistakes you might find!! absolute fluff btw. If any of you guys wanna send a request feel free to do so, i might start writing smut as well but im still a little shy lol, feel free to follow and interact.
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Spencer watches you get ready every chance he gets. He has your morning routine engraved in his brain. He knew the rhythm of your mornings like the lyrics to a favorite song, each step a symphony of grace and purpose.
He loves your expressions as you're trying to figure out your outfit, the way you look the temperature for the day on your phone to know if you should bring a coat or not – even though you always do, 'cause you're always cold.
He also loves to watch you do your makeup, he looks at you as if you were the most talented artist and were finishing up a masterpiece, he watches you with attention, careful to not miss a single brush stroke as you blush up your cheeks.
"Hey, um, would you mind if I tried doing your makeup today?" Spencer's voice was tentative, almost shy, as he approached you.
You were surprised by his offer, turning to face him, a soft smile playing at the corners of your lips. "Sure, Spence. Why not? It could be fun."
He sat down in front of you, analyzing your face and the makeup items on your desk, he picked up your moisturizer first, applying it all over your face, massaging it softly as he did, he followed all your skincare to a T, his face of concentration making you hide a smile.
Spencer got your foundation and beauty blender, you couldn't stop the surprised look on your face as he took the time to wet your sponge, surprised he even knew you did this. And again, he followed your base routine as if he was the one doing it every day, not missing a single stroke of the brush on your skin.
"Did you know that lipstick was originally made from crushed bugs and plants?" he said, his voice a mixture of fascination and amusement. "Thankfully, we've come a long way since then."
You laugh softly at the information, loving his ramble. He continued rambling about the history of makeup and all the techniques ancient people used, and you looked at him as his hands worked on your face, he was so close, paying so close attention to your face you almost got shy, but it was Spencer.
Spencer makes you feel so confident, he never fails to compliment you every chance he gets, his eyes lighting up every time he sees you, if you're in your pajamas or a fancy dress, it doesn't matter, he looks at you just the same like you're the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, and he makes you feel that way too.
When it came time to apply the eyeliner, you noticed he was struggling a little, smiling a little when he made a wavy line almost on your cheek.
"Oops, sorry," he muttered, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.
You reached out, taking the eyeliner from his hand with a reassuring smile. "It's okay, Spence. I'll finish up."
As you smoothed out the lines and added the finishing touches, Spencer watched with a mixture of awe and admiration, his heart swelling with pride at the sight of your beauty enhanced by his handiwork.
When you turned to face him, the mirror reflecting your radiant smile at him, Spencer couldn't help but feel a swell of affection for the incredible person standing before him.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, his voice filled with love and admiration.
161 notes · View notes
https-yeonjun · 3 months
Text
ghostin (l.dh)
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wc. 2559
genre. angst
tags. haechan x fem!reader, the one who got away (kinda), unrequited love, warnings: infidelity (kind of, emotional, very much one sided), mentions of alcohol
a/n. this is based off of ghostin by ariana grande. this is really sad (like even as i was writing this i was like that's a new low even for me) but i really hope you enjoy it because i really enjoyed writing this. this is the first thing i've written for haechan, my muse , my angel, my sunflower but i have so many ideas now hehee. this was also supposed to be like 400 words, oops.
more of my work
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one: he leaves you
from haechan 🤍: i just got the keys to my new place from haechan 🤍: it’s so much better than the pictures from haechan 🤍: i really wish you were here
your phone buzzes on your night stand.
picking it up, you can feel your heart breaking into pieces all over again as you read the text messages. i really wish you were here. you try to stifle the tears bubbling up in your eyes, so as to not wake up the man sleeping beside you.
but it is no use. you can feel your boyfriend stirring awake beside you. “are you okay? who was that?”
“just haechan,” you respond, in between sniffs. “he just moved into his new place.”
with an understanding nod, he pulls you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you. you nuzzle closer to him, taking up all his warmth. it isn’t what you want, but it is what you have. he lays beside you, gently stroking your hair. “it’s okay, i got you.” he whispers until you fall asleep.
if only that could solve everything, but at least it brings you comfort in this moment.
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two: he loves you
from haechan 🤍: hiiiii from haechan 🤍: im sooo drynk riggt now from haechan 🤍: can i calll you??
you can barely respond when his call comes in.
you’re sitting on the couch of your boyfriend’s friend’s apartment. all night, they’ve been playing drinking games and you’ve occasionally joined in, but you mostly sat with your boyfriend’s arm around you as you nursed your diet coke.
when your phone rings, everyone stops to look at you. “i, uh, i should take this.” you stammer, walking out of the room, but not before shooting your boyfriend an apologetic glance.
“hae, are you okay?” you whisper into the phone.
“that rhymes,” he giggles on the other side of the line.
“i know,” you can’t help but smile, thinking about just how much you wish he was here with you. “are you okay?”
“things are so different here,” he begins, “especially without you.”
you feel your heart skip, but then you look back into the hallway and you see your boyfriend and his friends laughing together and you can’t help but feel a pang of guilt. “haechan, i don’t know what to say.”
“i know, i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have called you.”
“no, it’s not that. i don’t want you to feel like i’m not here for you anymore, just because you’re not here anymore. just tell me what’s up? how’s your life there?”
you sit on the floor in the hallway listening to haechan ramble about his apartment, and how his neighbors are super loud at night, and how the doorman always glares at him when he walks in, and how the old lady that lives above him always bakes him cookies to thank him for bringing in her groceries. he goes on about his job, and his coworkers, and his bosses, and the friends he’s made there. and he does this until he falls asleep.
all eyes are on you when you walk back into the living room after you hang up. you return back to your seat. “i’m tired, i wanna go home.” you tell your boyfriend, who is shifting in his seat beside you.
he bids his friends farewell and the two of you leave.
the car ride home is completely silent, save for the pop song playing on the radio. “what did he want?” your boyfriend finally asks you.
“i don’t know,”
“you were on the phone with him for an hour and a half?”
“i think he just needed someone to talk to.”
you can’t tell if he was jealous or angry at you at this moment but you both leave the car enveloped in a quiet unease that neither of you address ever again.
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three: you lose him
from haechan 🤍: i’m going to be in town this week from haechan 🤍: i would really love to see you
you stood in front of the vanity in your bathroom, re-applying your lipgloss for the third time already. the day you would see haechan after eight months was finally here and you just wanted to look perfect.
your boyfriend appears next to you as you put your things away. “how do i look?” you asked him, staring at him intently through the mirror.
“you look beautiful,” he says. the sadness that is always lingering in his eyes and in his voice is still there, but you don’t seem to notice.
“i’m really nervous,” you hold a mirror close to your face, anxiously monitoring how your makeup looks.
“do you want me to drive you there?”
“you don’t have to,”
“i want to,” he tells you before leaving the room. “i’ll be waiting downstairs.”
you sit in the passenger’s seat of your boyfriend’s car, twiddling with the hem of your skirt, excitedly counting down the minutes until you’re in the booth of the diner that you and haechan always would go to before he moved.
you finally arrive and your boyfriend parks at the front. “call me if you need anything.” he leans in to give you a kiss.
pulling away, you open your purse and reapply your lipgloss.
“thank you again for driving me here.”
“it’s not a problem. i love you, you know that right?” he asks you.
“yeah, i do.” you exit the car, closing the door behind you.
you pick your booth by the window and watch your boyfriend’s car drive off.  the soft hum of the conversations around you weave through the air as you patiently wait for him, your fingers tracing the condensation on the side of the glass of water you ordered when you got there. 
finally the door chimes, signaling his entrance. he walks in holding the hand of a girl whose presence immediately sends ripples of disappointment down your spine.
time seems to pause as you observe them approach your table. a myriad of emotions danced across your face, and as he looks into your eyes, you try your best to stop your smile from faltering.
“it’s so good to see you,” he greets, a genuine warmth in his voice. you stand up to hug him and you enter into a collision of past memories and present uncertainties.
“you too, haechan. i’ve missed you,” you reply.
and then he introduces her – the girl whose hand he held, whose presence altered the dynamics of this reunion. “this is my girlfriend.”
that ten letter word that you were dreading. you knew it was true but you were hoping that you could somehow convince hope to make it not true.
you had been so consumed by the fantasy of what could have been – what should have been.
it should have been you. he should have told you that he loved you. he should have asked you to be his girlfriend. he should have told you to drop everything and run away with him. he should have chosen you every step of the way,
but he didn’t.
and maybe if he did, it would have been you sitting beside him in the booth, holding his hand so tightly, like he would disappear in a moment. it would have been you causing his eyes to crinkle in the way that it does when he laughs. it would have been you making him feel so happy and so complete.
but it wasn’t.
you wanted to be happy for him. because he was finally happy again and that was the most important thing to you – his happiness, and his smile, and his joy that just hasn’t been there in a while. but how could you be happy when you’re mourning the greatest loss. you always lived with the thought that there could, possibly, sometime in the future, be a chance that the two of you could make it work. but as he fed his girlfriend a fry from off his plate, you realized that was never going to happen.
“do you want us to take you home?” haechan asked after he had paid the bill.
you could think of about five hundred and fifteen things you would rather do than be in the car for even ten minutes with them. “no, my boyfriend isn’t too far from here.”
you stand outside the diner as your boyfriend’s reliable gray car pulls up to the front.
“how was it?” he asks you when you sit down.
“i don’t really want to talk about it,” you say quietly.
you spend the rest of that weekend wrapped up in your comforter, only coming out of bed to eat when your boyfriend begged you to.
on monday morning, he comes into the room. “do you still want to go to my sister’s engagement party? it’s fine if you’re not up for it. i’ll just let her know.”
“no, i think i’ll be fine.” you weakly answer, “i want to go.”
that evening you manage to get yourself dressed and dolled up even though you feel completely lethargic. when you arrived at the party, you stood at your boyfriend’s side as he greeted his sister and her fiancée. the four of you stood for a while, chatting. at least the three of them were. you, on the other hand, were trying to find the easiest way to slip away to the open bar.
eventually you found your out – your boyfriend was called to talk by some family friends and you could finally escape to the bar. “can i get a martini, please?” you ask the bartender.
you sit at the bar, scrolling through your texts with haechan again. he had texted you a few times since you saw each other at the diner, but you just didn’t have it in you to respond to him. locking your phone, you look around the party, spotting your boyfriend talking to some of his old friends. he looked so happy and you couldn’t help but feel sorrier and guiltier for the way you’ve been feeling the past few days. but that didn’t stop you from flagging the bartender again to order another martini.
the bartender had replaced your drink twice already when they called you for dinner. you stand up from the barstool, your movements betraying the effects of intoxication to the bartender. “i think we need to cut you off now,” they joke with you.
you laugh it off, but still appear unsteady. you make your way over to your table, a slight sway in your posture. you kept telling yourself to keep walking straight, but as you weaved through the tight dining space, your steps were marked by a wobbly and lurching quality.
you finally make it to the table, not so elegantly sliding into your assigned seat.
“where were you?” your boyfriend leans in to ask you.
“at the bar,” you whisper yell in response.
“we can tell,” his sister jokes across the table from you. you give her a tight lipped smile.
the waiter places the dishes on the table. everyone digs into the meals in front of them, but your appetite is absent. instead of savoring it, you absentmindedly toy with the food on your plate. your boyfriend, concerned, softly encourages you to eat but you brush off his suggestion, insisting that you’re not hungry.
“you haven’t eaten all day,” he persists and for some reason, that just sparks frustration within you. you abruptly excuse yourself from the table, stumbling as you hastily exit the dining hall. you hear your boyfriend hurriedly apologize to the rest of the table before following you outside.
“what’s going on?” he calls out after you. 
“nothing, i just don’t want to be in there.”
“you told me that you wanted to be here.”
“well, i don’t anymore.”
“can you please talk to me?” he pleads, genuine concern in his voice.
“i can hear everyone talking about me,” you confess, your emotions bubbling to the surface.
confused, he asks, “what?”
“i know your friends hate me. your sister hates me too.”
“what? no one hates you.” he insists, trying to reassure you. “they love you; they just don’t know you like i do.”
with a straight face, you dismiss his words. “you don’t have to lie to me. no one loves me.”
his eyes widen in disbelief. “i love you.”
“well, haechan doesn’t,” you declare softly.
“what?”
“haechan doesn’t love me.” his name heavy on your lips, like it was a bad word that you weren’t allowed to say.
a moment of silence hangs in the air as he processes your revelation. he scoffs, running his hands through his hair in disbelief. “what is this about?” he sits down beside you.
“he has a girlfriend,” a heavy revelation hangs in the air. the dim lighting of the quiet street casts a shadow on both of you.
“oh,” he pulls you into him, his strong arms enveloping you. the scent of his cologne surrounds you as you rest your head against him, closing your eyes to shield you from your reality. unbeknownst to you, he struggles to keep his bittersweet smile at bay. he wants to comfort you and be there for you but he can’t help but love knowing that now he doesn’t have to share you with someone that you never belonged to.
the silence stretches, broken only by the muffled sounds of distant traffic. his soft hands caress your arms in an attempt to soothe the storm of emotions raging within you. your tears stream down your face onto his suit jacket as you find solace in the warmth of his embrace.
after a while, you sit up straight. “i’m sorry,” you say, your voice barely audible.
“it’s fine,” he reassures you. “i can get it dry cleaned.”
you shake your head. “no, not the suit.” he cocks his head in confusion. “i mean for everything.”
“y/n,” he begins, but you cut him off.
“i’m a terrible girlfriend.”
“no you’re not,”
“you’re so good to me and i’m terrible to you. that’s why your friends hate me. that’s why your sister hates me. i’m so selfish. i’m so horrible. i–”
“you’re not selfish or horrible.”
“i am.”
“you’re not.” he lifts a hand to gently wipe away a lingering tear on your cheek.
“i spent a weekend crying about some guy who has a girlfriend, while you were at the door waiting for me to come out,”
his sighs, taking in the weight of your words but refusing to let you dwell in self blame. “you guys have a history that i guess i don’t understand.”
“i heard your sister telling you to break up with me.”
he looks down the quiet street, a furrow forming on his brow as he recalls that conversation. “i-”
you look at him, your eyes searching for answers“i know you defended me, but sometimes i wonder why you don’t just break up with me.”
“because, i love you.” the words echo in the quietness.
“i hurt you. every day of our relationship, i have hurt you. you never say anything, but i know it hurts watching me cry over him.”
he meets your gaze, sincerity in his eyes as he navigates the intricate web of emotions between the two of you. “i still love you.”
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