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nothisis-ridiculous · 3 years

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Take Me Home Now: Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven: Dark and Dusty

Set after the events of ME3.

A rewrite. Ao3.

FemShepxKaidan

"Damnit, did Reynolds forget he took my watch again?" Jane heaved her stiff body away from the person desperately shaking her awake. Gods, she felt like hell. Take a hangover and add being run over by three buses filled with elcor.

"Jane, I wouldn't-," Roy's usually calm voice laced with fear, pleading with the stubborn woman to get up, "there's an emergency. I need you."

The building reverberated, dust wafting into the air in the aftermath of the sudden tremor. The woman sprung from her cot, scrambling through the hallways at breakneck speed. Her footing proved not to be so cooperative, but she held her pace. The rumble had come from the western parking lot, and the rest was slowly forming into a clearer picture, the hushed building, and the distant discharge of guns faint but persistent. Footsteps kept pace behind her, but his words faded into the pounding of her head and the blur of her singular purpose. Arriving in the parking lot out of breath finally drew the situation in a complete picture: they were under siege.

Jane slid into the concrete barrier where Silva rested the barrel of her sniper rifle, her silver eyes flicking over the human a minute later, "you look like shit."

"I've had worse days," she quipped, "what's going on?"

The Turian pulled in a long breath, "I don't know exactly, we got a report of armed assailants. I'm only here to stop them from getting in- Korvac wants you upstairs," the tilt of her head motioned both of them up the ramp.

"Jane, wait!' Roy called as they set up the ramp. The blue-eyed woman giving him a steely gaze, "your weapon?"

"Thank you," she mumbled, forgetting to grab a weapon was not her usual move.

"If you're too hurt-"

"I've had worse," Jane hissed coldly.

The LT gave up, but she felt his gaze on her back. He had more to say. Thankfully, it wasn't coming. The short but brisk trek to the top level of the parking structure drew out in silence. Both comfortable with focusing on the task at hand, the Turian leader waved them over. Directing Jane to look down the scope of the Sniper rifle he handed over to her. The alien was silent, gaze pinned in a westward direction.

She looked down the scope, finding the problem in short order. The familiar krogan, but now flanked in a small force of vorcha. The dull click of the safety-on weapon a very disappointing turn.

"I take it that is only the forward assault?"

"Yes," the Turian hummed, "we're getting reports of at least three other groups. One in each direction."

"Looks like old members of the Blood Pack."

Korvac nodded.

"Where are the varren?"

The structure shook again, "rigged to explode."

Jane handed the weapon to her silent superior, "we need to get all the civilians out, now."

"How? The bastard knows all the routes in and out."

A stand was the obvious answer. They knew they couldn't lose the building; several months' worth of food, clean water, and medical supplies couldn't be moved in time. The gardens and restored generators meant a sustainable future until ships could start rolling off the planet and out of the system. A restart meant a very uncertain future.

They all knew this time was coming. It was just too soon. All preparations, perhaps foolishly, were spent on improving their ease of life. Or more considerately, on the influx of refugees that sought out aid or shelter.

"Alright, Princesses, we can start fighting back now that the Krogan are here," Wrex taunted with misplaced enthusiasm, somethings never changed.

"Wrex," Korvac greeted with unexpected civility, giving a brief overview of the entire situation.

"I volunteer to head off Greenie," the two alien leaders looked at her curiously, "he has the biggest beef with me. If I keep him distracted, or better yet kill him, he can't use whatever knowledge he has of the building. The rest of you can focus on the fodder."

"That's supposing he hasn't given away all our secrets, and it's more than just vorcha; it's every opportunist he could round up," Korvac cautioned.

"Well, we lack time to make a better plan," but he made a good point, but at this time fucked was fucked.

"We can only hope those opportunists are too greedy to share information," Wrex chimed in, "plus this one knows how to make his blood boil."

"Has anyone started to round up the civilians?" Jane asked in Roy's direction.

"I-," the human stuttered.

"Reynolds, this is Recruit- yes." Jane radioed the first soldier she thought could handle the responsibility of gathering the noncombatants. Luckily he was already on the task, but Jane made sure to drill all relevant issues to assure success. Her short conversation and the two alien leaders discussing joint strategy coincided.

"Can you handle the western edge?" the Turian questioned after a long moment, "that could buy us some time. The other groups are still a bit further out."

"You aren't going alone," Roy broke from his stupor, "I'll join you."

"LT-"

"He's right, you need help. Take Silva and the squad at the ramp exit. We need you to slow them."

"How come she gets all the fun," the krogan mused, "fight hard."

"Aim for the head," Jane returned gently.

She picked at the shoddy chest piece that was several inches too big. At a time like this, she shouldn't be picky about such a thing, it was lucky to have a functioning piece of armour, but when one got used to custom and tailored armour, it was hard to go back. But how it already dug into her uncomfortably, it might be better not to have the thing at all. But it was the draw of having a working shield that made the risk worth it.

The most concerning issue was Roy's silence.

"LT," she cooed, "everything alright?"

He toyed with his assault rifle, cheeks puffing out, "this is serious, isn't it?"

Right, Roy hadn't experienced much in terms of combat; before the Reaper War he had seen none in his military days. This up-close, high-risk mission with a small squad was out of his foray, especially with the consequences of failing. Manning the perimeter and firing shots at assailants behind windows was a different ballgame from the full-fire combat.

"It's not too late to join the others," Jane was already miffed that a squad followed behind her; the hair-brained suicide mission felt like a better option. To see Silva and Roy tied up in it was a lead weight in her heart.

The man huffed again, and she reflexively looked down, braced for his angry retort. Instead, his arms pulled her in, wrapping around her tightly, a hand cradling the back of her head, "not now. We both know how important this is."

"No need to get all emotional, LT," she teased gently, working herself from his grip slowly the attention it brought both of them stopping the moment from lasting, "keep your head down and stay undercover. Adrenaline takes over the rest."

"I'm glad you know what you are doing," but he managed to smile, "I'll stop moping."

Jane tenderly nudged him, "I've seen lifelong soldiers piss themselves before their first battles, I think you're doing fine."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Varren were easy.

Not in the familiar way of sending the lot of them flying with a biotic blast of energy that tore through the pack in a single flick of her arm easy- but one headshot seemed to do the trick. Silva caught a few from behind her shoulder, sticking to her vantage point further downwind. Roy's assault rifle hit the explosive packs, wiping out several in one burst.

It was the vorcha crawling over the rubble and concrete barriers that had her worried. They took far more time and attention to deal with. Their innate regeneration meant missed shots becoming more costly, and the extra time needed to line up an accurate headshot took attention away from the swarming varren. And wherever that damned Krogan went.

The first turian went down, a missed varren sending shale and dust rocketing across the entrenched ramp.

Vorcha swarmed through the haze, the real heat of battle ensuing in the panic. Some resorted to hand-to-hand combat, while others fired into the fog. Screams echoed in the concrete chamber, and they were getting overrun quickly. Several more detonations followed, rocking the building and dust from where it rested.

"Hold fire!" Jane screamed.

Attempting something she had only ever seen but not done.

A pulsing blue shield of biotic energy enveloped the entrance to the parking structure. It wavered, shrinking a meter before it swelled back into its original size. Jane stood in the middle, the swirling energy coating her body.

The defenders didn't need to hear Shepard's strained command to return fire. Varren and Vorcha alike collided against the barrier, if they were not gunned down. The biotic force a shield against further explosions and, more importantly, the rubble from the blasts.

"Jane, Greenie just ahead," Silva radioed- the rest of her statement ignored in the blur of her focus shift and the human's collapsing against the concrete barrier.

Roy slid against his recruit once he needed to reload, "we could have used that firepower long ago, Recruit!"

"Heh," half of Jane smirked, blood streaking from her nostrils. Peering over the concrete sloppily to get a look at the green crested Krogan that approached. Her smile widened as Roy looked at her with growing horror.

Roy grabbed her face, his thumb tracing down the unreactive side of her cheek. The odd scars glimmered beneath the touch, her eyelid reacted slowly to his thumb hovering over it. His worry intensified as the woman snapped forward, her head colliding with his chest plate. Unconscious for only the moment her forehead met armour.

"We're the only ones left," the voice over the radio stated in a panic, a shot careening over their position.

"Don't do this," he murmured, grabbing the stubborn female's chin. Purple washed over her skin despite the tear leaving his eye.

After all his fuss, he was powerless against the otherwise harmless force of energy that sent him toppling into another barricade; Jane looked down at him from a shakey height, "I won't be the last again."

In a splitting snap, Jane was gone, transforming into a hurtling meteor of blue energy racing at the oncoming krogan. The mass of energy collided full force with the krogan, bashing him into the wall a resounding crack of bone and sinew followed but still, the alien managed to shove the woman to the ground. Jane rolled to avoid the shotgun blast, using the momentum to charge again. This time with only the force of anger and spite.

The shimmering purple and blue gathered into her palms, exploding nanoseconds later in a pulse of bright light that filled the structure. Rocking it aside more than any of the rigged varren could manage. Once the light settled, the recruit's form lay lifeless on the ground. The Krogan's teetering foot lifted, on course for her exposed skull slamming with the last of his might.

#fshenko #shenko #mass effect fanfiction #kaidan alenko #take me home #fanfic #mass effect spoilers

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erubadhriell · 7 years

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Replies

Many replies under the cut. :)

@leysendris replied to the post “No one messes with her Archangel.”

The way she moves in the last gif is amazing <3 like a panther, ready to strike.

This is a very accurate description of her, she always ready to strike anyone that harm her family and her Turian. :D

@ratchsellsfornax replied to the post “No one messes with her Archangel.”

She looks awesome.. And she wears my favourite armour :D

Thank you very much, Risi! :D This is one of my favorite armors as well. :D

@stargazerblueuniverse replied to the post “No one messes with her Archangel.”

Always so badass yay <3

Always. It’s in her to be badass. xD hahaha

@djfatchip replied to the post “No one messes with her Archangel.”

LOL no one indeed shouldn't mess with her Turian xD

And yet they try. xD hahaha! Apparently, they love having their asses kicked. xD

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@ratchsellsfornax replied to the post “There’s nothing more annoying than this new...”

Yes, so e of my witcher picture posts have been tagged as nsfw...there was nothing to see, only trees or a sunrise :D

Many of my gifs with Gustav (Sheploo) have been tagged and also that one where Jessica kills that merc too. Apparently, trees, sunrises and Sheploo are too hot for Tumblr. xD hahahaha

@djfatchip replied to the post “There’s nothing more annoying than this new...”

LOL happened to me too. So since you use your drafts as a way to keep your edits and then post them, once you post your edits on the drafts, tumblr will tell you that is NSFW and ask you if you want them to look into it if its a mistake or something like that. Just delete the edit and post it back on your drafts and tag them with anything that can cause it to automatically filter as NSFW. Innuendos, cursing, cuddling, all of that should be tagged. And then save it and refresh the page to see if tumblr added the filter of their NSFW. If there is none, then post it. :D At least, that's how it works for me. The example is like the gifset where you added "Her's is always bigger" the fact that the word Big and Bigger is used, tumblr's filter mistaken it for actual NSFW word. So just tag it as Innuendo or cursing or something along those lines so it wont filter it as NSFW. Hope it helps. :D

Oh, I tried to repost the edit with the tags, but it was tagged as NSFW anyway. So I don’t really know what Tumblr uses as criterion to tag the posts as such or not. I don’t think it’s the tags. So far, it seemed really random to me. And it wasn’t even the “Her’s is always bigger” post that got tagged as such. It was many of Gus gifs that was tagged and also that one where Jess kills the merc. And that one where she kills the merc I even placed in the tags “character death” and such, but it didn’t help. At least, when I said for Tumblr to look into it, they removed the tag. LOL But it took a while though. But thank you very much for the tips, Dear. I will try them again when Tumblr decides that my posts are NSFW again. :D

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@amimariigoti replied to the post “Jessica and Garrus sniping for fun. And one less to worry about.”

badass couple! :D

@inkbiotic replied to the post “Jessica and Garrus sniping for fun. And one less to worry about.”

Awesome, they are so badass :D

They totally are. :D

@djfatchip replied to the post “Jessica and Garrus sniping for fun. And one less to worry about.”

LOL scratch one xD hahahaha!

LOL xD hahaha “I love this rifle” xD hahaha

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@leysendris replied to the post “She can see you, Garrus Vakarian.”

*lol* "You shot me!" "Only with concussive rounds!" "You SHOT me!!!"

LOL It seems she will never let him forget that, she has a really good memory. She can always use it against him. xD hahahahha

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@leysendris replied to the post “No, she didn’t change when it comes to kick some mercs asses...”

Never mess with Jess or her favourite turian bad boy XD

Always the best option. xD

@djfatchip replied to the post “No, she didn’t change when it comes to kick some mercs asses...”

LOL love their dialogue xD

Me too. xD hahaha! That’s why I love Garrus so much, his dialogues are amazing xD

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@djfatchip replied to the post “Celestine: Hi Dani. Sorry to drop in but due to the replies...”

Celestine: Don't be sorry, Moonlight. It's your reality. And reality is... not kind to us all. Sorry if it brought unpleasant memories though. But you are in a better place. *smiles softly* I was genuinely curious and you sedated my curiosity. Thank you for answering, Dove. Oh and... although it's it’s a soldier's reality... *looks at Gustav in the eyes* you better come back alive. That’s an order, Bertrand. It... *looks down and speaks softly* it would be an… awfully empty galaxy without… *looks at Gustav* you…

Gustav: No, it isn’t kind, but we get used to it. That’s what I did. Otherwise, I would fear living... And it’s not good to live with this constant fear. So I get used to it and the idea as well. And no problem, it’s not a painful subject, although I always feel like people might react as such. And you can always ask me, Claire. :) LOL Now you are quoting Vakarian, huh? xD Don’t worry, I will always fight like hell to always come back to you, always. And you better too, Claire. You better always be here with me as well.

@leysendris replied to the post “Celestine: Hi Dani. Sorry to drop in but due to the replies...”

Poor Gus :( But he has a point, as a soldier he is used to putting his life at risk to safe others. And at least now he has something to fight and stay alive for <3

Poor, indeed. But yes, he has a good point, because he was always at risky. And because of that, if he fears dying, he would live his entire life with fear. Not a good thing. So he got used to the thought of dying one day and not fear it. But yeah, now he has a purpose and many other things in his life to keep him always fighting and alive. :D

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@leysendris replied to the post “I was tagged by the amazings...”

Bookstores are always a good choice :D

They really are, considering that I’m a bookworm. xD Although, it’s been a while since I’m buying books more from the internet or direct in my Kindle. But bookstores are still awesome and I love the smell of the many books. xD

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@leysendris replied to the post “I was tagged by the amazing...”

Everyone seems to like Miracle of Sound XD

I can see why. It’s amazing! <3 xD

@ratchsellsfornax replied to the post “I was tagged by the amazing...”

Garrus shirt sounds cool! :D

Yes, it’s really cool. I love it. That’s the shirt. He looks so cute. <3 But I also have this one too. I also have this one here. My boyfriend bought both on a sale. xD haha Love them! And I also love some new designs as well. Maybe when there’s another sale, I’ll buy more. Can never get enough Garrus. xD

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@stargazerblueuniverse replied to the post “In the shadows.”

She looks so beautiful *heart eyes*

@timetravelagain replied to the post “In the shadows.”

She is sooooo gorgeous! :)

Awwww thank you both very much! <3

@leysendris replied to the post “In the shadows.”

Amaaaazing! Is this in some kind edited? The lighting looks great :D

Aww thank you very much, Bastet! <3 Yes, it was edited, considering that ME games don’t have good lighting most of the times. xD I’m not sure exactly wich edits I used, as it’s been a while since I edited this pic. But it was simple, as I don’t have a really great knowledge in editing pics. xD As far as I remember, I used the automatic edits in the photoshop options and also the “selective color”, and I also mixed a galaxy pic with it, but more subtle. And I think I also used a photo editor named Picasa, that’s very simple, but has some nice effects. I think the effect I used on Picasa was Orton Style.

#replies #thank you all #long post #under the cut

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the-connection · 6 years

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Image: Daniela Cadore

My Instagram Story persona could not be further from the real me.

She's chill, constantly smiling and laughing, and always living her best life in some far-flung place that looks as if it were built with the 'gram in mind. To be quite honest with you, I sometimes prefer her to my IRL self.

Scratch the highly-curated veneer of the 2-dimensional version of the life I purport to lead, and you'll see someone struggling daily with severe anxiety and low self-esteem.

This gaping chasm of difference between these two identities became a source of anxiety for me this summer. "Will people be disappointed when they see I'm not as fun as my Instagram self?" I worried as I returned from a summer holiday in France, which I'd documented on my Story.

SEE ALSO: How a vacation and a digital detox app helped cure my iPhone addiction

I knew my Instagram Story wasn't telling the full story. And, I'll wager yours doesn't either.

A new book by journalist and influencer Katherine Ormerod explores these very feelings that the social media generation experience every single day — and, crucially, the impact social media has on our wellbeing.

Its title — Why Social Media Is Ruining Your Life — might sound a little scaremongering, but Ormerod's well-researched book is packed full of wisdom that will not only make you feel less alone in your worries, it offers advice and tips to help you armour up against the all-consuming force that is social media. Given that one in three young women feel a pressure to portray their lives as "perfect" on social media, according to recent research by Girl Guiding, this book couldn't be more needed.

"There was a moment where I sat back on my sun lounger thinking: what am I projecting here?"

Ormerod is no stranger to the feeling that her Instagram persona doesn't measure up to the reality of her everyday existence. A journalist and social media influencer with 46K Instagram followers, Ormerod tells Mashable she started to feel "quite complicit in a lot of the messages" that social media can disseminate. But, one moment made her "sit back and take a moment," she says.

"I was on holiday in Tulum, which is obviously the Instagram destination, with a bunch of other amazingly successful hard-working women," says Ormerod.

"None of us had come from loads of money, we'd all made our own businesses, and worked really hard." She says that while they were all having a "lovely time" they were also "fielding calls from the office" and managing a variety of things that come hand in hand with running your own business.

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Tonight’s first instalment of realz captions comes in the form of this monochrome summer shot. People often ask me who takes my Instagram pictures and more often than not it’s my boyfriend. Everyone laughs about the ‘Instagram husband,’ but for me it’s actually a thing and over the years has caused more than its fair share of rows. The cataclysmic argument which followed this shot was focused on the fact that I wanted to take a picture when he was hungover and not in the mood - which really is fair enough. Without Hade snapping me on his iPhone pretty much everywhere we go, there would be no pictures on this account and I’m unendingly grateful for his patience. But that doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes have flare ups and a worrying amount of time it’s because of pictures for Instagram. So while it may seem that this account is all me, there are actually two of us behind it, generally getting on but sometimes arguing about how he’s managed to make me look like I’ve got 17 chins #whysocialmediaisruiningyourlife

A post shared by ＫａｔｈｅｒｉｎｅＯｒｍｅｒｏｄ (@katherine_ormerod) on Sep 11, 2018 at 11:24am PDT

But, the way the trip was presented on social media couldn't have been further from the hustle and grind that went on behind the scenes. "The pictures we ended up posting from that trip were sunset views, five star hotel rooms, designer bikinis, and there was a moment where I sat back on my sun lounger thinking: what am I projecting here?"

"You aren't insulated from tragedy. It's part and parcel of life and no one's life is as perfect as it looks."

She says the story told on Instagram didn't accurately represent "what success is really all about" — or the hard graft that not only leads up, but runs concurrent to success. "I truly feel that social media is only representing the rewards without showing the graft that goes into getting to that place," says Ormerod.

She decided to set up a website called Work Work Work and she began interviewing friends and fellow journalists and influencers about the "less photogenic sides of their lives." These conversations formed the basis of the idea for the book.

"We discussed mental health issues, eating issues, miscarriages — all the universal issues women go through no matter how ritzy your life might look on social media," says Ormerod. "We've all got parents, we've all got health issues. However privileged you are, you aren't insulated from tragedy. It's part and parcel of life and no one's life is as perfect as it looks." For those of us who've posted glamorous-looking selfies during some of the most difficult moments of our lives, Ormerod's words ring very true.

Ormerod says that while being an influencer might look like you're leading the most lavish, luxurious life imaginable, the reality is anything but. "I come from a really modest background, but it looks like I'm really rich on social media," she says. Armed with the knowledge of just how much it took to get to this point in her career (doing several low paid jobs in order to be able to work for free for two years on a fashion magazine) Ormerod is under no illusion about the 'glamour' that comes with life as an influencer.

But, that's not to say she's immune from social media's influence on how she sees herself.

"It's such a relief in the unbearable pressure cooker of perfection and social comparison to hear that actually it is a fantasy."

"I'm just coming up to 35, I thought by this time I'd be married, I'd be in a nice family home, I'd be really secure financially," she says. "Instead, I have a baby and I run my own business but a lot of those tick-boxes have remained unticked, or have veered terribly off path."

Ormerod puts this down to "benchmark anxiety." "You think when you look on social media that everyone has hit these standards that you have been socially conditioned to think you're meant to have hit by a certain amount of time," she says. One thing that has helped her counter these feelings is the realisation that "it's all bullshit." Once you realise this, she says, "the edge of social media comparison does wear away."

There are two sides to the story and many of us — myself included — are only sharing one side with our followers. But, Ormerod wants to change that.

"Obviously I do put pretty pictures up online because I love fashion and shoes and beauty and I'm not ashamed of that — that's part of who I am. But, I do really believe it's important to show both sides," she says. As part of her book launch, she's started a digital campaign encouraging people to tell the real story behind their supposedly perfect pictures.

View this post on Instagram

I’ve shared the story behind this fashion week in a few places, but in short, my husband had just left me, I’d found out that thousands of pounds were no longer in my bank account and I was struggling to get my landlord to let me out of my lease. As an addition to this, as a total rebound I’d also had a fling with an American guy who had persuaded me to come early to New York before fashion week to see him. On a crazy whim I decided to go and booked the hotel room - which he said he would pay for - on my credit card. I had so much anticipation, had decided to use the money I did have left to get a wax and left feeling like I was about to start the next stage of my romantic life. But then I arrived and he stopped answering my messages. Finally at midnight I got a text saying he couldn’t actually make it as had to go to a hockey match. A HOCKEY MATCH. I never heard from him again and all I was left with was my Brazilian wax and the hotel room bill. Then I had to do fashion week having not only just been left by my husband, but also the rebound guy. It was BRUTAL. But this was the picture I posted. #whysocialmediaisruiningyourlife

A post shared by ＫａｔｈｅｒｉｎｅＯｒｍｅｒｏｄ (@katherine_ormerod) on Sep 11, 2018 at 11:24am PDT

She's reposting old photos and sharing the no-holds-barred story behind those images. "My husband had just left me, I’d found out that thousands of pounds were no longer in my bank account and I was struggling to get my landlord to let me out of my lease," reads one of the captions to Ormerod's reposted 'gram. She then details that not only had her husband just left her, but she'd flown to New York to spend time with a "rebound guy" who promptly stopped replying to her texts the minute she arrived. "I never heard from him again and all I was left with was my Brazilian wax and the hotel room bill," she wrote.

"There's a picture of me at Glastonbury saying 'yeah, everyone loves going to Glastonbury but I fucking hate festivals and I was just there for the content,'" Ormerod tells me. "I came home after one night but I didn't put that on Instagram."

View this post on Instagram

Here’s another picture of me from that year - this time at Glastonbury. When you look at social media everyone seems to be on endless once in a lifetime experiences and constantly having fun. But sometimes living for content - or going places and doing things just so you have something to talk about/ appear to be having an interesting life can mean you waste a lot of your time doing things you don’t much enjoy. I fucking hate festivals. There is nothing casual about me so it takes all my strength to pretend Im ok with camping. I don’t particularly like the countryside, hate being around people doing drugs and never know any of the bands or the words to the songs. I ended up leaving Glasto after one night sodden, drenched and totally, totally over it. But I didn’t write that on instagram #whysocialmediaisruiningyourlife

A post shared by ＫａｔｈｅｒｉｎｅＯｒｍｅｒｏｄ (@katherine_ormerod) on Sep 10, 2018 at 12:04pm PDT

Based on the responses she's been getting, Ormerod feels that this double-sided stories are something that people are "dying to see." "It's such a relief in the unbearable pressure cooker of perfection and social comparison to hear that actually it is a fantasy," she says.

Of course, telling yourself that it's all "bullshit" is far easier said than done. But, Ormerod's book identifies on a granular level the myriad thoughts and feelings one experiences when social media begins to skew our perceptions of ourselves.

"How close is your online identity to your offline identity? Are you merely tinkering with the digital version of your life, or is it pure fiction? Take a long, calm look at what you are curating online and be honest with yourself," reads the book. "Does it feel like hard work to keep up the pretence?"

For many of us, the answer to that last question is a resounding yes. But, rather than giving us a rap on the wrist, or telling us to delete all our apps, or labelling us self-obsessed narcissists (as many headlines do), this book offers a realistic step-by-step approach to taking back control over social media's place in our lives.

"I think there's nothing wrong with social media, there's nothing wrong with technology," says Ormerod. "But the way we're using it and our perspective on it is something we need to reframe and that's really what this book is about."

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This was a very popular picture - taken at my mum’s in France. But what I wasn’t mentioning was that I was 9 weeks pregnant and PUKING MY GUTS up about 15 times a day. I’m holding my bag in front of my tummy and have got a lot of bronzer on, so masking the fact that I was in actual hell. The second picture is actually what I looked like every day for the next month and a half. Friends have asked me how I was so stylish through my pregnancy - the truth is I was mainly in oversized t-shirts with my head in the loo, but that look, strangely, did not make it on to social media #whysocialmediaisruiningyourlife

A post shared by ＫａｔｈｅｒｉｎｅＯｒｍｅｒｏｄ (@katherine_ormerod) on Sep 11, 2018 at 11:24am PDT

Reading that I'm not alone in feeling like my Instagram persona is like having a prettier, happier, more successful twin sister is reassuring. Having the tools to do something about that feeling? Even better.

Why Social Media is Ruining Your Life is available from Sept. 20 for £12.99.

WATCH: Chrissy Teigen made a transfixing Instagram story about a snail's journey to safety