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trashpandaorigins · 6 years

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And If You Don’t Love Me Now Ch. 4

Being on Contraxia again was like being in his old middle school on Terra, except of course there were sex bots and booze. Peter wasn’t sure which he’d rather face at the moment, his old school or this planet.

“You spoke with her?” Gamora asked, sheathing her sword. Peter nodded, affixing his mini-blaster to his boots.

“Her name is Lady Qula, her assistant told me the location of the headquarters, not far from here. Rocket,” the raccoonoid entered, gun slung onto his shoulder with Groot walking beside him. Peter grinned to himself, it was good to see the two of them side by side; the site of it was getting less frequent and further apart these past few months.

“We ready?” Rocket asked, sounding rather bored. Peter nodded, taking a deep breath to himself as he opened the doors of the Milano. Snow flew into their faces as they walked off the ramp into the crowded multi-colored streets. Beside him Mantis looked around bewildered,

“There are so many people,” she whispered, “so many emotions.” He looked at her wrought face, it suddenly struck him that the empath might be overwhelmed by so many different people pressed together in the streets.

“You gonna be okay?” Mantis glanced at him, looking unsure for a moment before nodding.

“I am Groot,” the adolescent tree appeared to be mesmerized, his game hanging limply in his hands while he stared at the neon lights all around. Peter recalled his first time on the planet, he had much the same look in his eyes. “I think we got time to explore,” he teased, “if you want.” He spotted Gamora’s warning look but shrugged it off. “C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

“Every time you say that, it never ends up fun,” she observed. He shrugged, knowing she was right and ignoring Groot’s agreeable nod.

“Very well,” Gamora decided as she went off to find more sharpeners and cleaning supplies for her knives. Mantis and Drax decided to tag along with her, Drax promising to take Mantis to a less populated market.

“And then there were three,” Peter turned to Rocket and Groot. “We got time, what would you guys want to do?”

“I am Groot?” The flora colossus asked, pointing inquisitively?

“No!” Rocket snapped, “we are NOT seeing what is in there, let’s find a bar.” He grumbled, and Peter watched the teen role his eyes as they made their way down the streets.

“I am Groot,” he said softly, looking from one alien to another as their stares gloated at him.

“Just ignore them man,” Peter gave him a pat on the back, remembering how it felt to have everyone in the crowd train their eyes on you. Out here in the remote quadrants Terrans were rarely seen. Rocket eventually found a dive bar and they slid into the darkened room, finding a table removed from the others. Rocket ordered an Asguardian draft with a shot of fire rippor, Peter his usual Yagger Lager.

“I am Groot?” The trees question warmed the humies heart,

“Of course you can pick the music!” Peter slid him several units, excited to see what he would choose. Whenever Rocket got fed up with coaxing or Gamroa and Drax couldn’t calm him, Peter would lie with Groot when he was little and listen to music with him until he fell asleep. The effect was rubbing off, much to his delight. Taking a sip of his drink, he watched the raccooniod who watched the Flora colossus.

“You’re doing good man. He’s gonna be fine.” Rocket glared, Peter readied himself for a cutting remark, but it didn’t come. Rocket only shook his head, looking forlorn down at his drink. Peter swallowed. “You’re doing a heck of a lot better then…then Yondu did.” The raccoonoid’s bright red eyes looked up, ears pinned back.

“That’s not sayin’ much.” The humie had no choice but to agree.

“He’s just a kid, I was like that too when I was his age.”

“Yeah, remind you why Yondu didn’t let you get killed by that phsyco planet?” Peter shook his head, laughing as he took another swig of drink.

“Fair enough.” They sat together silently but it was not as uncomfortable as it once was. It had taken a while for Peter to realize that the only good thing to come of Yondu’s death was that it had made Rocket change, for the better. Instead of being a grumpy, emotionally unpredictable drunkard every day, the enhanced raccoon was now a grumpy, emotionally unpredictable drunkard most days. Whatever time Rocket had spent with Yondu, it had been formative.

“Just like the white winged dove,” the sultry voice of Stevie Nicks echoed through the juke box,

“Yes!” Peter pumped his fist at the tune, singing along. Rocket only shook his head, going up to the counter once more.

“I am Groot?” Groot slid into the booth next to Peter. The humie nodded to Rocket who now sat at the bar with said drink.

“I am Groot,” Peter nodded,

“Go for it.” He watched Groot look down at the table, then at where Rocket sat, then back to Peter, those large eyes full of urgency and wonder, and, Peter thought, taking another drink-some desperate need.

“I am Groot.” The question shocked him. He finished swallowing his drink and cleared his throat.

“I…I don’t think I’m the best person to answer that dude…” but the adolescents face was full of longing, something Peter knew all to well. That need to know who you are, where you came from. Peter had once joked with Rocket, over an empty keg, about the inevitable identity crisis Groot would face. He never actually expected to be a part of it.

“I am Groot?!”

“What happened before Xandar….well there was this infinity stone,” Peter stalled, looking over had praying Rocket would come back any minute.

“I am Groot!” The teen snapped.

“Okay, so Rocket told you about that, and so yeah, that was pretty much it.” But one look at Groot’s face told Peter he’d better shut up and answer truthfully.

“Listen Groot…there’s a lot of stuff that happened, before, during and after Xandar. None of it pretty. And I love you man but…I’m not the one that’s got those answers.” Why couldn’t Groot have asked ANYONE but him? He ran his hand over his face, checked his watch and listened to the music over the dim haze of the bar.

“Oh baby oh, say ohh.”

“I am Groot,” Groot whispered vehemently. He rose to stand, refusing to look at Peter who’s heart sank. Did Yondu feel like this every day?

He forced himself to stand, swishing the last of his drink around at the bottom of the glass before drinking it.

“Call me a rodent one more time!” Oh no. Peter and Groot exchanged horrified glances as the large purple alien creature loomed over Rocket and his fifth shot of Asgardian whisky.

“You heard me,” the plump alien sneered, he spat at Rocket’s bar stool, “rodent.” Everything happened all at once, Rocket reached for his gun, Peter dove to intercept and Groot let loose his left arm, hitting the alien squarely in the jaw, knocking him down on to the bar table.

“Groot!” Peter called, but even as he shouted he knew it was too late.

“What in the name of Quendlin’s stars….” the alien man wiped his tender cheek with a single tentacle like arm, staring at Groot for a moment before standing and barreling into the flora colossus.

“Dammnit Groot!” Rocket shouted, watching as the tree slammed into a table, sending the patrons scattering. Peter slapped his hand to his face, checking the time. They were supposed to be meeting Lady Qula in a half hour. Gamora was right, as usual Peter thought, wishing she was here now.

“I am Groot!” Groot cried out, wrapping his vines around the large alien who pummeled him.

“Rocket,” Peter half warned, half begged, watching the raccoonoid cock his gun, that trigger-happy look on his face all too familiar. “Rocket, Rocket don’t…” Shhhcrraaakkk!! Peter growled to himself, running for where Groot now looked down at himself in shock. The alien man’s yellow teeth twisted into a grin, a knife in his hand.

“Freak!” He hissed, advancing on Groot. If it had been a less dire situation, Peter might have laughed at that same look he’d warn himself many times before. The flora colossus’s mouth hung open in shock and panic. Peter flung himself ontop of the squishy alien,

“Rocket, get Groot!” But Rocket was already at the tree’s side, ears pinned back, gun ready. “What are you doing don’t shoot!” He screamed, struggling to hold the thug down.

“I’m gonna shoot him in his kurtuckan head Quill, move!” The alien wiggled in the humie’s hold and Peter let out muffled “Ummph,” as a burly fist knocked him in the side.

“I am Groot!” Groot righted himself, sending his vines flying and constricting around the alien who screamed.

“No! Groot! Just let Quill and I handle this!” Peter managed to roll out of the way as one of Groot’s thorn ridden vines struck out, missing the purple goon by an inch. Said goon clutched his knife and slammed the butt of it into Groot’s eye. Scrambling to his feet Peter watched Rocket attempting to pull Groot away from his advisory but to no avail. It was easy to forget sometimes, how larger the flora colossus was compared to the raccoon like creature.

“A flarking animal and a flarking tree, I’m gonna tear you limb from limb and roast your friend over a fire!” The alien growled, spitting out bloody fangs. Peter reached for his gun as he lay on the floor on his belly. Quickly he switched the weapon from kill to stun and took aim,

“Groot move!” He shouted at the teen who had moved easily out of Rocket’s hold and now was suffering for it. The heafty thug clobbered at him, swinging his fist which Groot tried with increasing failure to block. The small cuts of thorns doing little to hinder him.

“Groot!” Peter shouted, struggling to aim, “move it!” Flarking listen to me for once, he begged. Groot looked up, his left eye closed over with cracked bark. He pivoted just in time for Peter to shoot, striking the alien in the shoulder. He stopped, eyes large, went to raise his arm for a final swing at Groot but only shook all over before collapsing. Without wasting time, Peter ran forward, grabbing Groot’s arm and Rocket’s tail, hurrying out of the bar.

“You fucking dumbass, let go of me!” Rocket’s sharp claws smacked at Peter’s hand. Groot stood, slouching, one arm holding his torso. The humie himself panted, examining his own wounds as the three of them panted in the ally way.

“Let me see,” Rocket instructed. Struggling to look up at Groot’s side.

“I am Groot!”

“Yeah I’m sure it’s fine, I just wanna look.” Peter watched him reluctantly move his arm away and his stomach dropped at what he saw. The outer layer of brown bark and leaves on Groot’s left side had been stripped bar, leaving exposed whiteish yellow wood in place, shorn and splintering from just under his armpit to his waist.

“Dammnit Groot you can’t pick fights with people who are stronger then you.”

“Rocket you do that all the time,” Peter put in, hoping to win Groot over. The raccoonoid only hissed,

“Shut up Quill.”

“Guys, we gotta meet our contact,” Peter mumbled, glancing at the time. Rocket cursed but started walking with a slight limp. “C’mon Groot,” the humie tried, patting Groot on the back. The flora colossus shoved him off,

“I am Groot,” he whispered nastily. Peter watched him go. Sure Groot had every right to be mad at him for not telling him anything about what happened before. But Peter knew that duty didn’t belong to him. Like so many other things, that was Rocket’s burden to bare.

#my writing #rocket raccoon #groot #teen groot #if you don't love me now

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silenceejay · 6 years

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MY LIFE: As I View It, As I Experience It

Sa ngalan ng tamis na taglay ng sandamakmak na polvoron at chocolate cakes na pinaglihian ng aking ina, at sa pait ng bawat suka niya tuwing umaga, finally, sa isang lying-in clinic katabi ng riles ng tren, I was introduced to the world…or should I say, the world has been introduced to me. In synchrony with my mother screaming in pain was the siren of the train, the shouting of the illegal settlers and the natural noise of everything. From a womb of deafening silence, I was born to a world of chaos. Indeed, my birth was a mixture of sweetness and bitterness, of noise and silence. And my life? It’s pretty much the same.

Basing on my Mom’s stories, sweetness was dominant during my infancy days. Sabi niya, kinailangan daw nilang magtinda ng matamis at punung-puno ng sahog na halo-halo sa tapat ng bahay namin para maibigay ang mga pangangailangan ko. Despite the cheap price of their halo-halo at that time, sa halagang 15 pesos lang, walang halaga ng pera ang makatutumbas sa paghihirap at pagmamahal na iginawad nila sa akin. In fact, sa sobrang sweet ng pagmamahal nila ay nagawa nilang maniwala sa isang walang kwentang superstition; they put the residue of my umbilical cord in an English-made-easy grammar booklet, hoping that it would help me grow into an intelligent little boy. Sweet were not only my parents, but my Grandmother as well. Madalas niya akong pinadadapa sa hita niya habang tinatapik at minamasahe niya ang likod ko. Sabi niya ay gusting-gusto ko raw iyon, at tuwang-tuwa siya tuwing nakakatulog ako habang ginagawa niyo iyon. I was honed into a sweet cute little baby, through the sweetness shown by my family who took good care of me. Kaya rin siguro paborito ko ang mga matatamis ngayong malaki na ako, chocolates, ice cream and cake. Yum!

Meanwhile, bitter memories were more prominent in my early childhood years. When I was 2-3 years old, I was a sickly kid. Lagi akong dinadala ng aking ina sa pediatrician. Check-up dito, check-up doon. I hated the bitter taste of medicine. I hated the bitter feeling for not being able to play with my cousins because I was so frail. Ang pagkabata ko ay hindi kagaya ng pagkabata ng karamihan, hindi gaya ng kung ano ang inasahan ko. Most children of these age lived their childhood outside. While me? I was often inside the house, throwing tantrums for the unpleasant feeling I have.

Aside from this, I also had one of the bitterest experiences I had during my early childhood years. Habang namamasyal kami sa SM ng aking mga magulang at kapatid ay nawala ako. Dahil sa dami ng tao, hindi nila ako mahanap. Two salesladies saw me and carried me to their store, umiiyak daw kasi ako at naawa sila. Tinanong-tanong nila ako kung sino raw kasama ko at bakit daw ako iniwan. I was not able to answer any of their questions though, hindi kasi ako mapigilan sa pag-iyak. For Pete’s sake! I was lost, and that is definitely one of the worst feelings one can have. Losing yourself and not being sure if you will ever be found.

When I reached my middle childhood stage, noise was everywhere. In a literal sense, I am gradually turning into a noisy kid. Masyado raw akong bibo at madaldal. Palibhasa’y marami akong tanong, hindi ako natatahimik hangga’t hindi ako nabibigyan ng katanggap-tanggap ng sagot. Hilig ko rin ang mangulit na turuan akong gawin ang mga bagay-bagay, kagaya na lamang ng pagsasaksak ng DVD sa aming DVD player. I was the kind of noisy kid who is not annoying, because I do not speak trivial things; rather, I prefer sharing of ideas. Kaya nga napakaingay ng buhay ko sa mga panahong ito dahil pinaliligiran ako ng malaki kong pamilya sa Batangas. Madalas akong sentro ng atensyon at tawanan kapag may mga family-gathering at outing dahil nga pabibo raw ako. More than that, maingay rin ang middle childhood ko dahil I started to love music during this stage, as influenced by my Father. Palagi akong nagpapatugtog ng music sa speaker namin noon at sinasabayan ko pa ng malakas na pagkanta. Ballad ang paborito kong genre ng music, at palagi kaming nagvi-videoke ng aking ama tuwing gabi.

However, as I enter late childhood, my life was blanketed with an atmosphere of silence. As a student, naging tahimik at seryoso masyado ako. Ang dating batang pabibo ay naging mag-aaral na mahiyain at hindi magawang maihayag ang mga ideya sa paraang pasalita. Gayunpaman, hindi ito naging hadlang upang ako’y mapasama sa mga natatanging mag-aaral sa aking klase. Aside from that, I also grew up to be an introvert because I was a homebody. When it comes to socializing, I became a total disaster. May mga kaibigan man ako, madalas ay nahihiya pa rin akong makipag-usap lala na roon sa mga hindi ko naman ka-close. One thing I can proudly say, though, is that even if I am often a passive and distant student in the class, no one has dared to bully me. It is because I always stand up for myself. After all, I believe that at the end of the day, no one is there to protect us except from ourselves.

Moreover, silence was also present in my late childhood at times when I am at peace with my books and desktop. I was hooked to reading and writing, as well as watching horror movies. Nahilig din ako sa board and word games. Dahil nagkaroon na kami ng computer noong 9 years old ako, pati tuloy sa online games ay naadik ako, na siyang nagpalala pa ng aking pagiging introvert dahil ang madalas na kasama ko lamang ay ang kapatid ko. This stage of my life is where I found out what my hobbies and passion are, na hanggang ngayon ay dala-dala ko pa rin. This is when I realized that when one talks less, he errs less.

Finally, now that I am in my adolescent age, new discoveries about myself became more evident. It is now sweetness and bitterness, noise and silence, all occurring simultaneously. Naging mas malawak ang isip ko sa mga bagay-bagay; hindi na lamang tungkol sa sarili ko, kundi pati sa lipunan at mundong ginagalawan ko. Ang tamis ng pag-ibig na dating binibigay lamang sa akin ng aking magulang ay naiaalay ko na rin sa iba, lalo na sa isang taong dahilan ng mabilis ng pagtibok ng puso ko araw-araw. My heart, although it remained cold and aloof, has opened a little bit wider for people who deserve to enter my life. Sweetness has no longer been just a parental thing, or a mere taste to satisfy my sugar cravings. Instead, the meaning of sweetness to me turned into a sense of empathy towards other people. I learned to listen to weeping heartbeats. I learned to accommodate busy minds. Dahil dito kaya nagkaroon din ng puso ang pagsulat ko. Hindi man ako naging sweet, naging mas makatao naman ako.

And then there comes bitterness, which has struck me too in this adolescence stage. Whenever I see inequality and injustice from a small scenario to a wider perspective, I cannot help but to have bitter feelings. Naisatinig ko ang mga opinyon at puna ko sa mga hindi makatuwiran at hindi makatarungang bagay. Pait ang siyang nararamdaman ko kapag alam kong nababaluktot ang tama, at nailulusot yaong mga mali. Ang Facebook ko ay napuno ng iba’t ibang social and political issues. In an instant, I feel like I wanted to change the world. Dito ko napagtantong gusto ko palang maging abogado. Gusto kong lumaban para sa karapatan at hustisya. Gusto kong labanan ang mali gamit ang batas, hindi dahas.

Sa kabilang banda, noise has bothered me naman not through loud sound, music and laughter like my middle childhood years, but through questions that disturbed my mind. Ngayong adolescence stage ko, nagkaroon ako ng ilang malalaking tanong tungkol sa mga paniniwala ko. I even had the audacity to doubt the existence of God. More than that, the noise that deafened me the most is the realization that I am slowly morphing into an adult. Na-realize ko na sa edad na ito, dapat may tiyak at planadong hinaharap na ako. “Oh, pamangkin, saan mo gustong mag-aral? Dito o sasama ka sa’min sa Australia?”, “Anong field ba ng law ang kukunin mo? Criminal, corporate, labor, etc?” Andaming tanong, ang ingay, pero hindi ko alam ang sagot.

Hays. Mabuti na lang, silence can still be my escape zone in this stage full of uproarious crises. Tingin ko, this silence in my adolescence roots from the fact that my Mother, who is the main source of energy and noise in the house, has left our home and started working abroad to provide for our family. Noong 13-16 years old ako, dito pa siya nagtatrabaho sa bansa. Subalit dahil sumilay ang oportunidad sa Qatar, lumipad siya roon at nalayo sa amin para maghanap-buhay. The silence that the departure of my Mother has given me calms the noise of my biggest uncertainties. Ang katahimikan na ito ang takbuhan ko kapag binabagabag ako ng ingay; dahil dito, naaalala ko na dapat kong mas pagandahin ang aking kinabukasan kasi dugo’t pawis ang pinuhunan ng aking Ina kapalit nito.

You see, the story of my life is all about the journey of how sweetness and bitterness, how noise and silence, have molded me into who I am today. They created memories and passion, which both painted my smiles and drew lines of imperfections in my heart. They formed my characteristics and philosophy, which reflected the way I see the world. Kaya sa ngalan ng tamis ng polvoron at chocolate cakes na pinaglihian ng aking ina, sa pait ng suka niya tuwing umaga, sa tahimik na paligid ng kanyang sinapupunan, at sa maingay na tren na panay ang sirena, nabuo ako…patuloy na binubuo at bubuuin pa.

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