#;;; adolescence huh. period between childhood n adulthood... pressure. decisions.

[noxtivagus]

i love perdev sm

#🌙.rambles #my fav class fr #;;; adolescence huh. period between childhood n adulthood... pressure. decisions. #oh man 'is it easy being an adolescent' i have sm to say on that but i'm too tired to speak rn #i'm too tired to recite rn but some of my classmates' answers r pretty interesting. i can rlly see the kind of ppl they are #personally for me tho my answer. less than expectations of society n all #not much ppl quite as talk abt how hard it is to adjust. that middle ground between #missing the past n looking forward to the future #'fit into society' huh. i understand that a lot ;;; less in the comparing way but #there's no point in comparing myself to others. i know i'm mature n confident in that sense #but it's lonely when you /feel/ different from the rest of the world #bcs god i'm not exactly overachieving anymore bcs my mental health has been flopping but #i'm smart. yeah i perform great even in school despite my increasingly shitty mental health #i'm deeply attuned w my thoughts n emotions as well as that of others #i'm proud of my mindset honestly. i love my love for everyone's individuality n my own personal identity. i love my gratitude and grit #i'm a music person. an arts person. a writer. #for a lot of ppl managing all those stuff is hard. #we all struggle but i think there's a different kind of pain when you're self-aware of that struggle #n so ppl like me r stuck between being kind/harsh to themselves. #n oh we really do think and feel deeper than most ppl. n it feels lonely when we can't really share it w others #i know i'm intelligent but when my mental health struggles then social stuff rlly is a big weakness of mine ;;; #yh hmm i'm always improving but i think recently for the past few weeks #it's been harder than usual to manage it all. for numerous reasons i'm aware of #oh yeah this is definitely adolescence;;; n i'm nearly a year older so. yh goddamn that pressure #'as much as you want to achieve this personal independence you still need guidance' yeah . #it's hard to accept that tho. bcs there's feeling like a burden & uh. the reason why i kin to a certain ffxiv character;;; #ms my support systems r falling apart tho . oh god that thought is a bit painful but perdev reminded me of stuff again #as long as i continue to improve n challenge myself. to only be better than who i am yesterday. that's enough. at my own pace #ahh there you go i feel better again. i really just needed to hear it. w another person's voice. i remember again #it's still hard for me these days especially bcs i'm more tired n drained than usual but i really needed that reminder.