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piano-and-voice · 6 years

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November 28, 2017.

It’s 6:22 pm.

I’m waiting for Steve to come home so we can cook dinner together (things have been pretty fucking rough for us the last few weeks with his mother’s cancer surgery, his terrible time with his boss, my restlessness) so this is a good time to start posting.

I’m really unsatisfied with my job in so many ways. Some of my clients bore me, some are just fucking irritating and so frozen/stuck I get so frustrated at their seeming-helplessness. I’m bored about reading about psychology, trauma, therapeutic work, new research blah blah fucking blah. One of the things I was most looking forward to in this career was how much learning/reading/upgrading is necessary, but holy fuck. Some of it is so repetitive, and honestly? So much suffering comes simply from capitalism/colonialism. Without those, there would be very little mental health issues in this world. Anyway, this is all to say that I really need a change, and it might be a pretty significant one. And that terrifies me. Steve has a lot of trauma-shit around money, and since I’m not making a ton, he pays for all the household stuff - the mortgage, bills, groceries, everything. Dude almost makes six figures, and I moved to this 30,000-person town for him, so that feels pretty fair, especially while building up a practice.

But if I change course now, I feel guilty. The agreement was for him to do this while I work on building up my practice again. Also, being financially dependent on someone at 40 feels fucking terrible. So, I still want to make my own money, which at this point is paying off my visa that somehow ballooned to $3,000, as well as the $1,800 I still owe our line of credit for my piano. Stopping working is not an option. I want to buy a car after learning to drive, I want to be able to have some autonomy. My job as it is at this point is an absolute necessity.

How I spend my time beyond that is what I have control over. My schedule is embarrassingly sweet. Here it is:

Mondays: off Tuesdays: 1:00-6-ish (4 clients max) Wednesdays: sometimes a 10:00 client, a lesson at 12:00, then clients from 2:30-6-ish (4 clients max) Thursdays: 12:00-6ish (sometimes! Sometimes it’s a 1:15 client, then a 3:30 client, and that’s it!) (4 clients max) Fridays: 12:00-6-ish (4 clients max) Saturdays: off Sundays: off

Wednesdays are a day when I really can’t do much else than what I already do. So, I’m going to just leave that day alone. Every other weekday though, I have until noon free. Here is how I mostly spend it at this point (god damn this accountability shit STINGS):

- sleeping in until 9-ish - having some breakfast - puttering online - tumblr, facebook, twitter trifecta and now animal crossing as well - eating some lunch

Here is how I’m spending my evenings:

- having/making some kind of dinner - same as before online - having a tub - feeling deeply guilty and ashamed of not doing anything

I’m not okay with most of this (eating is necessary as is making the food, having a bath is nice). For a while (and I’m still trying to do this) I had a list of things to do on google calendar on my phone and for every day I did all of them, I got to put $5 towards another dress on eshakti. I have $15 so far, that’s it.

One of my issues is having somewhat unrealistic expectations for a single day. Another issue is then doing none of it. Another issue may be having too many things I want to do - as in, even if I had a realistic idea of what I could do on any given day, I have too many things I want to do, so none of them are done often enough to gain traction.

Here are the things I have been saying I need to do, daily:

- nose care - skin care - do physio/chiro exercises - practice piano - practice singing - read about either music theory, music therapy, or work on the paper I’m supposed to be working on to get published, based on my thesis

I also want to go to the gym/go swimming three times a week. My body just has to do this in order to keep functioning at this point.

When I look at this list, it doesn’t seem unreasonable in the schedule I have? Does this seem unreasonable?Like I said, maybe on Wednesdays it might be a big much (my only 10-6, 8-hour day)

As I’m writing this out, I’m reminded that I recently have stopped really watching TV or movies. We only put something on once we’re in bed, to fall asleep to. Steve needs the TV on all night or he has terrible nightmares, I wear ear plugs, so I only hear about half a show before I roll over and stuff them in my ears. This has freed up a lot of time, but the internet I think has eaten it up. I try to change my internet habits and they slide right on back to where they were. Sometimes in a day, sometimes in a few weeks, but so far, nothing has worked to change them. And I think that, plus an earlier wake up time are necessary for making more room.

I also have this thing about feeling like I don’t have enough time to do something. If I work in two hours? Then I believe I don’t have enough time to practice. But, I’m only practicing singing for about a half an hour, and at this point with piano, I can’t practice more than that either. That’s an hour. And I leave for work about twenty minutes before I start. That would still leave me with 40 minutes. I have this brain fizzle/shut down/not exactly panic, but I can maybe feel my the fear-induced limbic “stay with your old habits” system kick in. Why couldn’t my parents have been less crazy/intense about getting places on time? I absolutely learned this from them - my sister was able to unlearn, so I can too.

When I try to make new systems, this is what I do: I make it, and I make it un-moveable. If it fails, I abandon it. Sometimes I abandon it before it can fail. What I need to do: create a schedule and treat it like a hypothesis. The hypothesis being: this system will work. Like any science, failure is ok and is just information. But, you have to see it through for a long enough length of time to see if it is a) effective, and b) doable (effective here being “does it create the gains I want” and do-able being “can I stick with it/is it sustainable”) If it needs tinkering, try again, change a variable, but not more than one or then you won’t know what works.

Ok, this is what I’m going to do tonight:

1. Create a schedule for two weeks and stick to it as best as possible, noting where shit goes sideways and for what reason I think it might be doing so 2. Practice singing for half an hour because I have a lesson tomorrow at noon.

#congrats if you actually read through that thought process

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smoothshift · 7 years

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Time to haul some family -- 3 Row SUVs review. via /r/cars

Time to haul some family -- 3 Row SUVs review.

Hi Cars,

Wanted a bigger car for my growing family and learned a lot on the way. This is a super competitive segment because every make is wanting to play. Hopefully my experience can help some others out because there really isn't a clear winner here. Even though I'm going to be critical, you really can't go wrong with any new 3 row SUV. Really just about which flavor you want.

Must have:

3Row/Spacious

AWD

Leather

Rear Cam

No maintenance / Reliable / Safe

Reasoning:

Need space for 2 rear facing car seats in the back(with ability for me 6' to sit comfortably upfront) the double stroller(thing just eats space) in the trunk. Road trips, luggage, gear, maybe more people as well, space is good.

AWD - better in weather, resale, camping? etc

Leather would be easier for cleaning up any random spills or boogers or puke or mud or ..kids are messy :)

Rear cam - besides the obvious reasons, I live in a younger community with tons of kids near by so I always want to know who/what is behind me.

With little kids, I definitely never want to be stranded. I don't really want to spend time taking my car to the shop. This would make me lean toward new. And most SUVs are safe just based on their size alone.

Wanted:

Power/Speed

Off road prowess

Tech/features

Panoramic sun roof

Comfort

LED accent lights (I don't think it looks like a NEW car without it)

Cool factor

To get everything I MUST HAVE new, MSRP would be close to 40k for a lot of the big players. So I kinda set that as my price tag. However, one of the main points I wanted to talk about in this post was that MSRP isn't too relevant in this segment. As far as MSRP are concerned, brand new, the Pilot and the Highlander should be your only choices, maybe the Santa fe.

Pilot

pros: This thing is a beast. It's the fastest one out there, 0-60 in 6ish seconds in an family hauler, hell ya now we're talking. It FEELS more spacious than all of the others. I sat comfortably in the 3rd row. They have a little area you can pull up behind the 3rd row to make it deeper and give you even more space back there. EX-L will get you leather and an 8 inch screen. You can save 1k off of getting Nav because it has android/apple. So you can decide for another 1k for their collision system or 1500 for entertainment set up...or you can just give your kid a tablet and call it a day. LED accent lights on all trims. Elite trim has some cool stuff but eh not much difference between the 9 speed and 6 speed MPG wise. One of the better AWD systems from some reviews I've seen. Seemed to out preform the highlander on a tame off road course.

cons: Looks like a mini van. Like seriously, I hate how it looks. This is what initially threw me off. NOW, after looking at how boring most of these SUVs are... If I got a black pilot with roof rails and running boards ...maybe blacked out the grill, blacked out the rims, blacked out my eyes so I didn't have to look at it.. It would be acceptable. They weren't giving me as much for my trade and these fly off the lot, especially the black ones. So they weren't going to give me much off MSRP either, maybe 3k if I ping pong between dealers. Bland interior, but functional at least.

Highlander

pros: All trims come with their collision system. Looks pretty nice actually, but it looked pretty good before their minor refresh too. New more powerful engine for 2017. Good amount of space. Toyota so you know its going to be reliable and it will hold its value better than any other SUV. Stepping up to the SE trim will get you some cooler looking ones and a sportier suspension, however I didn't really notice much. Pretty standard, safe choice overall. 2nd row Captain seats or Bench option is no extra cost.

cons: Won't get much off MSRP 2-3k again / Won't give much for my trade. They know they have high resale value so they get to be a bit stingy. SE trim and up have the accent LEDs but XLE would cover my Must Haves. Not fast, but not slow for the segment. No Android / apple. Even though new engine, performance was better on previous one.

4Runner

Still running a 5 speed? This thing is dated in many ways and doesn't give much except for basic features. You do get a big reliable vehicle with awesome off road ability. I love how they look but interior a lot smaller than the Highlander. Couldn't justify putting this in the running...4running.

Santa Fe

Seemed like a great value for what it was. Looks decent too. Interior seemed okay, I just didn't like the design personally. Overall, just wasn't feeling it. Didn't drive one. I think the other two edged it out, however I'm betting I could have gotten a better deal on this. And they have the better standard warranty than the others.

Arcadia

Redesigned for 2017 - v6 camaro engine in a caddy. This thing breaks the GMC formula a bit. There are deals to be had on this. I could get my must haves and more for maybe 34-35k(Because they had big discounts 9k+ off MSRP). On paper seemed decently quick, but didn't actually test drive. So that's where it would come back into the picture vs the pilot/highlander, since you would get a lot for less money. I really like how it looks too, but in the end I decided I'm don't want to be a guinea pig for basically a brand new SUV right now. But I wouldn't knock anyone who gets one. Seems like a great SUV.

Atlas

I actually know some early adapters for the Atlas and have seen it. It looks great in person, interior is nice and crisp, drives well. Didn't want to wait though and again a new vehicle so they may need to work out some kinks.

CX-9

4banger in a 3row SUV? Stop it. Mazda, Subaru, Ford, Volvo pls. You can't tell me you can load up your SUV, which is like their main purpose, and then preform adequately at highway speeds. Maybe you can and I'm just used to some power, but nope not for me. I really wanted to give the CX-9 a chance anyways since it got such a glorious review from car and driver and sits at their #1. But it really is a dumb car. I love mazda, I like what they do. Sure it has a nice interior and all that, and it drives like a smaller SUV and has a sporty feel to it...uhh nope. It drives like a smaller SUV because it is one. The thing has 71 sqft cargo volume. You can't win the sporty drive in 3rowSUVs when you're really smaller than a ford EDGE but you crammed a 3rd row back there. They may as well throw the Nissan rogue in the picture, I think it actually comes with a 3rd row option and has about the same cargo volume, but you can get it for way cheaper. As a side note, Nissan killed it with the Rogue! I'm a sucker for their star wars edition too. Anyways, I think the Mazda looks the awesome interior and exterior, but if you're missing 12ish sq feet, it's like cheating to be in the segment.

Explorer

Almost almost pulled the trigger. But the Explorer's bones are OLD. Due for a full redesign in a few years. They gave it a brand new look in 2016 but its still heavy and feels cramped inside but drives big. It's still based on the Taurus / Flex I think. The 4banger and even the 6 banger? Hard pass, they are damn slow cause the thing is so heavy. Now the sport...365hp, now we're talking. Now I got about 8k+ off MSRP and they were doing me good on my trade too. So that made it closer to the Pilot/Highlander price range. Sync 3 is great too, it has android/apple integrated. But, even with 365hp, its only barely faster than the Pilot. Still...faster is faster. Well, what really made me step back is for NEARLY the same price, I could just get a F150 with the new version of the engine. It has tons of interior room and great off road and can tow 10k+. POWER: 375 hp @ 5000 rpm TORQUE: 470 lb-ft @ 3500 rpm 10 speed auto 0-60 in 5.7sec SHHWAANGGG! Yes please! Just couldn't convince the wife to make this our family hauler haha.

MDX

Okay you're going to hate me if you're still with me here. I went USED with a 2014 MDX with advance package. So it literally has every feature known to man. Drives great, fast, sporty, looks sexy af. Got it in silver. I got it at bout 8k less than a new Pilot which basically has the same engine. Literally love this car, it has everything I want, the space and a ton more features than any of the new cars except the andriod/apple. I know a must have was reliability and no maintenance for me, however I'm lucky enough to live a few houses down from a honda tech. He's awesome and has a lift . So when I factor my unique situation I decided to roll the dice with used. As far as Acura goes, I'll take their reliability and cheap repair costs.

So Used is a different ball game. Looking for a 2014 specifically was tough because that's right when they did their redesign BUT it's also right at the mark that people turn in leases. And from what I've seen, people don't really give a crap about their lease. They do the bare minimum, treat em rough, and then turn in their keys in 3 years. So there were a lot of poorly loved MDXs for sale. The trick here was to drive a new one, then drive some used ones that fit your budget and keep an eye on their carfax. In my area, it seems like they were trying to sell a bunch that they probably got from auction, originally leased in NY/NJ. Crappy roads, crappy traffic, salted roads...Yeah definitely avoided those and didn't even bother looking at them.

So eventually one came up that hit all my checkboxes. My goal was to come out a little better than KBB dealer suggestion. But then feel like I got a "deal" with little extras that wasn't factored into the price. So the one I got had roof rails($400-500 + installation), all weather floor mats($100-200), and brand new tires. Local owner, and they definitely took care of it. Seems like they just traded it in for something nicer. Honestly, if this is actually as good of condition as I believe it to be, I feel I got a steal over all. I think MDXs are great, and the only reason their used value drops as much as it does is because so many people have them. So thanks to supply and demand, I can get away with a premium SUV for a great price.

All of these SUVs aren't the tough rugged ones from the past, but they will get you to the beach comfortably. Decent family SUVs, you really can't go wrong. If I had a larger budget, the current Tahoe's are pretty bad ass, also they're redesigning the Sequoia and the Expedition 2018, they both seem pretty ridiculous as well. Just more $.$ than I got and my MDX does get over 30mpg on the highway...so there's that too.

Thanks for sticking with me. Hope this helps someone, even though I know this is generally a younger crowd.

#reddit #autonews #auto #cars

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