#numau kazuma

[i-need-entertainment]

Don't Close Your Eyes

Character: Numai x reader/ [it's a secret;)]x reader

Based off of the song "Don't Close Your Eyes" by Keith Whitley

Warnings: Unrequited love, no cheating but he ain’t the one on her mind, hurt for Numai, Toxic but not abusive, unresolved ANGST...I don’t really know what possessed me to do this but I can’t say i’m too remorseful.

(No complaints, I guarantee this hurt me more than it could ever hurt you 🥲)

Numai blinked his eyes open, rolling onto his back as he placed his hands over his eyes, slowly breathing in and out. Opening one eye, he softly called your name as he patted the bed beside him, only to find it empty. He wasn’t too surprised, you never did stay in bed too long in the morning. Usually he’d find you half-dead at the kitchen table or zonked out on the couch, but never beside him, cuddled up in bed.

Sighing he sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed as he stretched his back, hands coming to rest on his knees as he just...sat there. You and Numai had been living together for about 6 months now, you’ve been dating for 3 years. But to be honest, it didn’t feel like 3 years. It felt more like 3 months.

When the two of you had first met it was your junior year of college, his senior year. You had just gotten out of a long-term relationship with someone, the break up had been a messy one too. You never really told him what happened, just the basics. The rest he pieced together through friends or stories he heard about your high school days. All he really had to go off of was a name you let slip a few times, and that he played volleyball. Atsuhiro? Tsu-something-or-the-other? He couldn’t remember much, but...it was obvious, you never really got over him.

You never told him that, but it’s not like you needed to. He was given enough clues by you alone to piece it together. For one, you weren’t ever really there. He could tell you were distracted, often staring into space completely entranced in what he guessed was some perfect fantasy world, where your ex never left for the pros and you had followed after him.

When you kissed him, it was lacking passion and romance, it was lacking love. When you fell asleep next to him at night, it was like 2 strangers lying next to each other in the dark. No late night conversations, no holding one another while you fall asleep. To someone who didn't know better, they'd probably say you were roommates. But to be fair, those who did know better wouldn't give much more credit to your relationship. 

And it's not as if you didn't like your current boyfriend, after all he was an amazing boyfriend! But every time you almost forget about him, every time you can feel yourself moving on you freeze...because Numai isn't him, and try as you might you can't fall in love with another man because you never fell out of love with him. And no matter how much both of you wish or pretend, Numai isn't him.

Sighing Numai stood up, stretching out his back and groaning as It popped. Slipping on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt he walked out of your "shared" bedroom and into the kitchen/living area. And sure enough, there you sat, still in your pajamas, half-dead as the counter scrolling through your phone. "Morning Babe." You sat up, eyes filled with an expression that danced on fear as you turned your phone off and flipped it over onto the counter. Taking a sip of your coffee you smiled, "Mornin' Kazuma." 

That was another clue you gave him that you never got over your ex. 

You only ever called him by his name, it was almost a year before you even tried using his given name, and now it was only Kazuma. Never any nicknames, never any pet names or terms of endearment. Only Kazuma. And at first, he just figured you didn't like pet names, which is fine...but when he asked, your friends told him you didn't dislike them, and used them with your ex a lot.

And then there was the 5th, and final clue you never got over your ex. 

Numai continued into the kitchen grabbing a coffee cup from the cabinet and pouring himself a cup before going to sit on the couch. But before he did, he walked behind you, noticing you had turned your phone back on and opened Instagram. Now, Numai wasn't one to snoop, to eavesdrop or break your privacy in any way.

But he didn't have Instagram, having deleted it during college, so he didn't know what you posted, if anything at all. But watching over your shoulder, he could see you scrolling through your page, no pictures of the two of you or him. It was mostly pictures of you/your friends, normal things he supposed. Until it got to just 3 years ago, and that's when he saw him. 

The 5th and final clue you never got over your ex.

There he was, in his fair-haired 6 ft something or the other glory, signature smirk as his hand was wrapped around your waist. You paused at that picture, spending more time looking at it then you did the others. Numai turned on his heels and walked to the couch, turning on the TV to try and drown out the incoming wave of hurt and insecurities he knew was coming.

It was funny, the first time Numai had seen your ex. Eyes picking out the similarities between the two men. There was the dyed blond hair, the light brown eyes, the love and passion for Volleyball. 

The Rebound...that's what he was, and he knew that. He was someone to keep you company, someone to warm your bed at night and comfort you when you needed it. He was your boyfriend, and he only wished he could call you his.

But your heart never really belonged to him, he wasn't sure he even had a peice. How could he, when you had already given it wholeheartedly to him, [REDACTED].

And he supposed he should leave. Cut his losses and heal from the 3 year heartbreak he's been experiencing. But he couldn't. Or rather, he didn't. Cause there was still that hope, still that longing that someday, someday you'd open your eyes and realize you had someone who loved you right there, someone who gave you their all for nothing in return.

But as the days go by, knowing that if your ex so much as said 'hello' you'd be gone in an instant. Numai can't help but think it'd be better if he just...left. And with a text to one of his old high school buddies and a trip to the closet go get his suitcase, that's exactly what he does. And sure enough, not even 2 months later there you are, smiling and bright eyed as you stand next to him, your one and only, Atsumu Miya. The one person's side who you never really left, as long as you just closed your eyes. 

"Don't close your eyes, let it be me

Don't pretend it's him, in some fantasy

Darling just once, let yesterday go

And you'll find more love than you'll ever know

Just hold me tight, when you love me tonight

And don't close your eyes"

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