#nothing ive tried has helped. ppl think im.being dramatic but ive tried well over 50 different medications of different kinds

[zarovich]

cant even hide that fact that im doing so poorly. everyone can tell i know it

#personal #im so scared man. so stressed lately and stress makes my psychosis worse like i struggle telling reality apart from things #and i do things i dont remember doing. i keep fliping and considering to go see a doctor but im afraid #afraid ill be hospitalized again. i dont have the money i dont have the energy to deal with it either. it wont help #afraid to get back on meds. i want to but antipsychotics are not fun. being a lab rat is not fun #nothing ive tried has helped. ppl think im.being dramatic but ive tried well over 50 different medications of different kinds #ive done therapy like 4 times. ive even done other treatments and they did not help me #ive done better on my own. isolating from others. i dont understand ppl. i dont feel... real. alive. human #its not that idk how to socialize. i just dont like it. i know how but i will never understand what it means to be human #this may be the worst ive been doing ever. i just sleep. all day. if i wasnt so tired and lazy i would be dead already #i just hurt man. im so tired of everything and everyone. i know ill never be normal. ive come to terms with that #but im not okay with knowing it yknow. and how others treat me bc of it. im tired of being seen as a project to fix #my stomach is growling so loud. i cant remember when i ate last. i dont need to eat when im not human #vent