#nothing feels like rest anymore

[barefootbaltimore]

How do you overcome this type of burn out?

I've never felt like this before. I've never felt this tired deep in my bones and this hopeless. It feels like I'm drowning all of the time now.

I had to leave work early yesterday because I was not able to care for a baby in the state I've been in.

Palestine and Congo and Sudan and so many more nations need me to be acting, and making choices. Need me to help.

At work a baby needs me, all day, to play with him and comfort him and hold him and teach him.

Then I go home and I have my partner and my pets and they all need me to be a person and show them love and affection.

Even when I'm alone I need for me to take care of this body, take care of my home, I need to take out the trash and shower I need to journal I need to remember to drink water.

That saying "you can't pour from an empty cup" doesn't consider that I don't have the time to find a sink to fill the fucking cup. My cup is empty I'm carving apart my body and soul to satisfy everyone who needs me.

How do I stop being a meat factory and start being a person again?

#burnout #im not doing okay folks #nothing feels like rest anymore #i need to clean my home but my body wont do it. so i sit instead and now nothing got done and i dont feel better #how do i go to a protest if i can barely stay upright? #how do i email my reps when my brain is mush #ive been writing this for half an hour making words is fucking hard

[louisdelac]

there’s a question to be asked i think about to what extent “getting out” can be conflated with “being saved” in this show, and what freedom actually means to any of these characters.

like you can argue that shiv saved ken by voting against him on gojo, but what if your intent behind saving someone is to inflict a worse punishment than if you’d just left them trapped? can a child weaned on poison survive on milk, or are you just sentencing them to a death by inches, starved of the only thing they know? and if you save someone specifically because you know that being saved is the worst thing that can happen to them, is that kindness or cruelty? at what point does a good thing become a malicious act?

and you can say that roman is finally free, but what exactly is he free from? the company? his father? does unlocking a cage mean saving a dog, or are you allowing him out on the street knowing there’s a kill shelter nearby? if the driving anxiety behind roman is that he’s an idiot and a failure—that he’ll never amount to anything, and trying will only lead to pain—and he’s finally cut loose once all of those anxieties have crystallized into cold hard fact in his mind, what has he actually escaped from? if the cage is in your mind, is it even possible for somebody else to unlock it?

the fundamental truth of a tragedy is that even being saved can be a death sentence, if the characters are incapable of escaping the thing doing them the most harm (themselves and their childhoods)

#'what about shiv' if i think about shiv i'm going to kill myself. she needs her own post. there's too much there to get into. #anyways seeing a tremendous amount of At Least Roman Is Free <3 tags that have me going. right. for sure. free from what? #because it's certainly not the intense amount of self disgust that has driven him in circles this entire time. #i fear he may feel the weight of alienation on his soul for the rest of his life. and he won't even try to alleviate it anymore. #and ALSO the idea that shiv went out of her way to save kendall as an act of like. altruism. like it was a sacrifice on her part #which i feel is a very toothless perspective on shiv and the psychological torment that's been weighing on her essentially since birth #like her choice in regards to gojo is one of the meatiest most harrowing bits of character work i've ever seen #and while of course there was love inside that action (because nothing these characters do is entirely divorced from love) #i don't think it was necessarily a kind or forgiving or sacrificial love #like this was an intense vitriolic snapping from a dog that has been kicked by her dad all her life. #and who absolutely refuses to accept that from her brother (because that would mean acknowledging that kendall takes the mantle of Dad- #and that she's subservient to him. which is the one thing she absolutely will never do #because it's a level of degradation that's finally a step too far) #anyways. um. insane season that i still can't look at directly or i'll perish on the spot. #succession

[elysianymph]

thinking about remus being a dadda's boy when he was little but as he grew up he realized how lyall was drifting away bc of the guilt he felt whenever he looked at remus so remus became a mamma's boy in his teenage years

#listen #i love the lupins so much <33 #i want them to be cozy & happy & warm in their cute little cottage somewhere in the welsh countryside with their goats & cows & chickens #but also #lyall feeling the immense guilt of remus' condition bc it WAS his fault and no amount of convincing from hope can make him think otherwise #and he lives in constant fear that one day his little boy will realize what an idiot lyall is and he'll grow to hate him and resent him #and he can't live with that #and remus can feel him pullimg away little by little until lyall is no longer there the morning after a full moon #it's just him and his mom and she's scrubbing the grime and the blood from his hair and she's singing some old song to make him feel better #and remus' hand is twitching as it rests on the side of the bathtub. he wants his father there. he wants lyall to hold him #it's heartbreaking because remus thinks lyall is drifting away bc of his lycanthropy. he thinks lyall sees him as a monster #and that lyall can't love him anymore because of what he is #he brings it up to sirius at some point in their hogwarts years and sirius doesn't know what to say #until he meets lyall and sees how softly he looks at remus. how he pats his back awkwardly because he doesn't know what else to do #and he pulls remus aside and tells him he has nothing to worry about #bc sirius knows what a father that doesn't care. doesn't love looks like. lyall is the opposite of that #remus lupin #lyall lupin #hope lupin #the lupins

[lecliss]

The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!

#i genuinely dont wanna pick anything #like okay. i know they dont have animal control or a shelter in this setting. but irl genuinely just call some people and see if theyll take #it if you wanna do something about it. #you are not getting my ass to touch a wild animal of any kind. i dont care what the situation is #i was asked once if i could help take care of some baby mice a friend accidentally ruined the nest of and a shelter wouldnt take them #and i was like. im sorry but no cuz i know for a fact im not equipped to handle something like that and i dont wanna touch wild mice and #i KNOW at least some of them will die and i wanna now have to deal with dead mice. and you know what happened? #the friend couldnt keep up with how often they needed to be fed and they died. and now you have dead mice. #something could have happened where they survived outside like the mom came back and fixed it maybe or at least one fended for itself #like its a shame the nest accidentally got ruined but it was an accident and things like that happen all the time #yes its an accident you caused but in the case of something like that i really dont think its suddenly your responsibility now #and i know itll make you feel better to try to make up for it but now you have dead mice #and i know for some people at least trying to help makes them feel better but now we're at the point where i just dont understand #i just cant comprehend the feeling or the idea or the thought. #so its like. i get sunday feels like he HAS to do something for everyone all the time but its genuinely turning him into a monster and he #cant see that. like trying all the time despite getting nothing done will tear you apart. let yourself rest #do the small things you can do around you. dont put the weight of everything on you all the time otherwise you wont get anything done #and youll start thinking not doing anything isnt even an option anymore #i promise its okay. take a break. #im not even referring to sunday anymore. you 🫵 its okay. take a break. make yourself feel better #then come back to things with a clearer calmer mind and do the small things you know you can do #dont force yourself to do everything because you feel like you have to. itll be okay. i promise #hsr 2.2 spoilers #hsr spoilers #oh right this is a spoiler post ifnfjfnfk #long post

[deus-ex-mona]

looking on at the ✨hype✨ about last stage like

#i wanna be excited about it too!!!!! lemme in~~~~~~~~~~ #maybe it’s just bc i didn’t listen to the ‘loid version on the koishiteru album but i think im not as excited about it as i should be lmaooo #on jp twt there are fans screaming about last stage and i. feel kinda left out ngl??? fomo’s hittin’ like a truck and idek w h y #but me? im just clinging to meoto to ✨carry on✨ #idk why but it kinda sounds like that song aka***ki enstrs sang to beat r****ts to a pulp in the anime #i dont even like enstrs anymore so idk why that song was the first thing i thought of when i heard the preview help #in any case!!!!! i hope the rest of the new songs get mvs!!!! especially meoto!!!!!!!!!!!! #going by the love chuchuchu(chu! kawaikute gomen—) im p sure that’s gonna be the moge mv lol #wont be surprised if their outfits in the mv are the same ones that they’re wearing in the moge-ilustrated album standees… #if that is indeed how the oshi no mahou mv is gonna go… all of you will now owe me tree fiddy >:) if not nothing happens idk #im very much looking forward to seeing where the completely new direction of upcoming lxl songs is gonna take us though #(p r a y i n g for lxl falling for each other in 4k hd p ls—) #g o d i should really get some sleep my innate state of crabbiness is creepin’ in the tags here too aaaaaa

[meatexe]

i am so. tired :/ r yall not tired

#like bone tired dude #i got a full 8 hours last night #n i just feel depleted in every single way #im tired of work im tired of maintaining friendships im tired of obligations im tired of having to feed myself im tired of my body im tired #this shit blows i want to nap for the rest of my life #everything is endlessly draining n nothing is filling me up anymore

[ducktollers]

who up feeling their spirit get crushed into dust by this ai shit 😂😂😂

#turns out my laptop isnt strong enough to run glaze so now i gotta wait at least a month for them to reply to my dm 😃 #not on them at all ik theyre swamped but im just like. why do we have to fucking do this #like ​putting poison on our lunch so coworkers stop stealing it. Why do the coworkers get away with stealing it in the first place #why is this how things have worked out. the amount of companies ive seen use ai generation for their ads (TABLET COMPANIES.)……… #im like. u used to have to pay an artist to do that. and instead of putting technicology to good use #where it can do things that are tedious/difficult/impossible for humans to do #we’ve decided to have the machines do the one job we thought a machine COULDNT steal. bc its abt human creativity and passion #why. bc it saves a bunch of rich fucks even more money and they dont give a fuck about the rest of us #this shit wouldnt even exist if human artists werent here first for it to copy its souless its nothing its cold and dead i fucking hate it #YEARS of work and experience and craft honing and nobody gives a fuck they just see a person they dont have to pay anymore #steals our lifes work without our permission without paying us without a care how is my spirit NOT supposed to feel crushed #i see an ai image and all i see is decades of hard work that was stolen like if u ripped the bones out of a living person #ik jts dramatic and i keep going on abt rhis but it just bothers me SO fucking much #every time i have to think abt it ​its like a thousand pound rock dropped into my stomach #x

[ilovelickingrocks]

being at work makes me so miserable

#its not even that bad #but my anxiety is at an all time high here #im just uncomfortable #retail isnt for me i don't like talking to strangers im tired of most of my coworkers I'm just kind of waiting for this place to shut down #i don't want a job at all honestly #i wish i could just perform live music and do art commissions and sell clothes for money #but alas this economy and my depression won't allow that #nothing seems worth doing #i have no motivation and give up on something as soon as i start #i watch too much tv and get depressed i listen to too much music and get overstimulated and i never feel at peace or fulfilled anymore #and capitalism is one of the main roots of that. i just know it #we could all be so much happier. there is so much more to life than this #i want to travel #i want to spontaneously quit my job and take a cross country road trip but my car is not in road trip condition #i need to put new rear tires on before i should be driving it anymore at all #i want to be w my boyfriend cuddling & laughing & i wanna see cool things & see my favorite band in all the cities I haven't been to yet #i dont want... this #whatever this society is #working the day away not being able to be my own person 5 days a week and being too exhausted & depressed to leave home the rest of the day #i want to be able to live #i want my brain to let me function and my body to be at full health #i want to run through the woods on a cloudy crisp fall day #ive become so sensitive to temperature and numb to everything that i don't even get the same joy from being outside that i used to #also global warming lmao #ok vent over

[trans4trans]

love going over to my dads family’s house and i briefly mention transgenderism and my cousins suddenly think it’s okay to start debating whether trans people deserve respect and decide that being transgender is a mental illness and trans people are crazy and just playing pretend 😁 like ok never speaking to any of you again

#transphobia tw #one of my cousins was like “i’m not prejudiced i’m not” after i kept accusing him of being prejudiced bc of the shit he kept saying #and then he just fully comes out with “they’re all fucking crazy it’s a mental illness” #great! i don’t feel safe around you anymore! kill yourself! you will never make anything out of your miserable life and you will die with #nothing to your name on this awful trashy plot of land our family has been stuck on #he was saying the most racist shit too. terrible guy he said he lost so many friends over his opinions on trans people like yeah makes sens #no one wants to be around someone so hateful and denying of basic human rights and be called immature by them for believing in trans rights #i am so serious when i say im never talking to any of them again i left the groupchat i blocked them all they’re fucking sick #i hope they suffer for the rest of their boring ass lives. miserable fucks

[two-aliens-in-a-suit]

ignore this one fellas

#christ i am so fed up of feeling violently ill and tired 24/7 #ive been to the doctors three times already and its done absolutely nothing #they referred me to counseling but i don't even know if this is to do with my mental or physical health? #and the waiting lists for everything is months anyway #i literally cant go to college anymore and sit through a whole class without feeling like im going to throw up #every single time i try i end up either having to go home or not being able to concentrate on anything #i have absolutely zero energy to talk to anyone or do anything #but i don't have a choice because the deadlines are still there and i have to keep doing what i would normally do #even though i literally cant handle it anymore #i got home today and collapsed on my bed and couldn't get up #i could sleep for 10 hours and id still wake up feeling like utter shit #i keep thinking 'oh when i get over this ill be able to do everything i need to do' #but i think that all the time and i never manage it #am i really just going to spend the rest of my life not having the energy to do anything #because even when im not ill that's how it is for me #i constantly cancel plans and can't be a good friend to other people or make friends because im just so tired #i feel like im wasting my whole life #and everyone else is out having fun while i am stuck doing the same thing ive always been doing #ive been trying to push it aside but i just can't #im fed up #and trying very hard not to relapse right now #because i will fucking get over it #but it won't ever go away #:)

[teddybeirin]

Baby truly does so much for us she can tell when i am getting away even when im just laying here. Shit has been such a mess internally since that bcame fresh & parts that never, ever, ever should have came back seriously did. The uterus is an intruding unwelcome organ & brains are useless - "oh hey, you know that memory you tried to off yourself over less than 24hrs after seeing it? Wanna see the next moment of it? No? Too bad" i wish it could go back in the box. I dont understand why it has to come forwards when i least need it.

#i hate this feeling - filthy & disgusting in every way #i cant get away from it when im on my own. i cant get it to subside or lessen #it intrudes where it shouldnt be & it is hard even with old ways to keep contained #i wish it were so simple. i cant even find the words to bitch about it #would that i never developed breasts except their absence was not enough to keep that attention away either #if it were only that i had no body at all #nothing to look at or touch. then i could be okay #thats the only way i could be okay. #as it is existing was enough to do me in & whatever the reason really was i dont care anymore #i wish i had really lost it then. i wish id have made myself terrible & evil & i wish id have done it #even before he did anything. vividly the sensations repeat #new ones. i didnt know there was a rest of that time. i thought it ended #i thought he went that far & then everyone laughed while i ran out #there was a gap between & i dont like whats inside

[cattatoir]

I love that the person I have to work with near constantly is obviously not reading my messages and just responds to completely different questions it definitely doesn’t make every single task take 10x longer than it is and she definitely doesn’t treat me like an idiot for her lack of reading comprehension

#cmo's log #honestly? if I get another job im gonna get a lot of sick satisfaction with how much trouble she’s gonna have to go to #after my two weeks. like I feel awful for the rest of the team #but maybe my supervisors should have actually hired people so everyone’s not down a man. #maybe they should have listened to us when we pointed out the work we were getting #and the bs we were letting clients pull wasn’t sustainable #maybe they shouldn’t have yelled at me repeatedly for nothing #🤷🏻‍♂️ it’s so weird I don’t have patience for them anymore

[starlooove]

Why are people surprised that Zionists are being abhorrent at these protests and then sayin they’re victims. Ig surprised isn’t the right word but people keep pointing out ‘this doesn’t make sense’ like it’s a fallacy in a discord debate like this is just how racism has always been

#sometimes I feel like no matter how much I donate or speak its not enough #but my hopelessness and depression do nothing for Palestinians either #even if I cry it’s not helping at all #even if donating doesn’t feel like enough it gets someone THAT much closer to escaping #but Im so so sick of this #specifically the way people keep trying to give Zionists the benefit of the doubt #like i understand calling out the hypocrisy but white people genuinely seem baffled that they victimize themselves and say they’re afraid #whilst doing heinous shit #that’s not new behavior #trying to educate Zionists does nothing my focus is always going to be on the Palestinian people and how I can help as materially as #possible #actually bad wording education isn’t useless #i just think approaching most Zionists in a humanizing way doesn’t help #trying to start on common ground and coax them to you #that works for ignorant people these people are cruel not stupid #These Justifications that we know are terrible and barbaric make sense to them bc the victims are brown #like it seems like y’all wanna avoid that point so bad and keep speaking on class or other shit #the root of the matter is that they can piss on graves and say they’re scared because that’s the narrative around brown people #it always has been to them! to a lot of you! #i know it’s not conflating to draw comparisons between oppressions but not in the mindspace for that so I’ll just say #for all the white people confused about the ‘logic’ there just take a look at history #recent history even like the way they treat us is not new this is just on such a wide violent scale yall finally cant ignore it anymore #i hope everyone gets what they fucking deserve from this #i hope every martyr can rest easily and that every single soldier and bystander involved in this fucking rots and burns

[dancing-with-stars]

i am losing my mind

#god is testing me this is just a test this is just a cruel joke #vanus thoughts #i’m going to go insane #i seriously dont know what to do i’m so tired of all this #too much is happening at once and at the same time i feel like nothing is happening and i will stay in this place forever #i just want to live in a cottage far far away on a shore that has never been visited and is not on any map so no one from this life can find #me and i will never interact with another human being and i will be lonely but at least i will be free because what the fuck is this #i swear to god when i leave this place i will never come back they might haunt me but they wont hurt me any more than they have #i need a new fucking life new hair new clothes new body new people new love #i will go to a new place #where no one doubts my memory and makes me question myself and makes me stay quiet and no one will force me to act like an adult when i’m 16 #and i will rest and heal and work #but i don’t want to be here anymore #why did i pour my heart out into these tags no one will read them #this makes me a little sad

[parallaxabomination]

my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

#i wish i had something for myself rn #but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art #everything has been burning me so thin #i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything #people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now. #i dont know if thats a phrase #i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep #i want to just rest but im so restless #i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden #if i do so #everyone else should be having a good time #so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time #i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently #i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything #i just havent felt like an artist since it happend #he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would #and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it #but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard #i dont expect anyone to see me as me #i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand #they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring #they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it #but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it #i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission #as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied #thats all that matters #i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore #i dont feel worthy as a person or artist #i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care

[nomaishuttle]

ohhh fml i was like maybe i cn stya up a bit late after all its weekend tomorrow. no it fucking isnt today was thursday i have work tmrw everything is evil always

#gonna get ready 4 bed ig.. i wanna try n wake up at ermm 545 bc ive been sleeping in far too much and ive barely been brushing my teeth in #the mornings ive mostly just been doing mouthwash #aughhh idk why my body is being so dire today my thighs r doing the incredibly weak and fatigued thing again. i feel like that tweet thats #like im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc abt that rn but its i probably have some undiagnosed physical disorders but i live in a #garage so idc abt that rn #idk. its been going on for a couple years but its been getting worse to the point i can barely move my legs when it happens #that and then my limbs have been falling asleep very quickly even when theres nothing thyat would like. im not laying on them or anything #ill just be walking or something arms at my sides and one or both will get rly bad pins and needles #and it rly sucks and is weird. but again i live in a fucking garage so it is fr the least of my worries #like rn at my computer typing my arm isnt resting on anything or having any pressure put on it and my hand is falling asleep. UGH #it has been happening a ton with my hands i get this weirxd sensation in my wrist/palm zone that like. idk #its weird and i should prolly get it checked out but i dont have a dr rn and like. worst case scenario i chop my arms off and either surviv #and have a good story or i die and dont have to go to work anymore. so