#not really i still feel gross

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[shrimpchipsss]

cumplane complain cumplane

#reposting new art w old art bc i feel REALLY satisfied with how these look next to each other #'femcel cumplane' -picnic n pio #so true #theyre still the same dick joke username guys it doesnt matter that theyre women now #airplane has been wearing the same miku tshirt for several days it is noticeably smelly #cucumber also has gross nerdy tshirts but then tries to appear as a normie in public #cumplane #shang qinghua #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #genderbend #rule 63 #airplane shooting towards the sky #peerless cucumber #peerless melons #i hate these guys #i love these guys

[chloecherrysip]

A detailed list about everything I adore and cherish re: Mario and Luigi's reunion in the Mario Movie (to pair with this post of mine)

Luigi almost DYING but then happily, cutely laughing two seconds later once he sees it's Mario who's holding him because HIS BROTHER'S HERE, HE KNOWS HE'S SAFE NOW, NO MATTER WHAT

The way they just stand there and LOOK at each for a split second to register that this is really happening, and all the joy and relief on their faces!!!

How Luigi looks startled briefly when he lands on the ground but Mario is just :D :D :D :D personified and then Luigi mirrors him

How Mario is still powered up (obviously) so he moves SO FAST to grab Luigi in a big hug, and him being the tanooki, it must be such a nice, strong, soft, fuzzy hug, like a big blanket all around Luigi :)

How it's not just ONE really good hug, it's TWO really good hugs!!!!!!!

I WILL LITERALLY NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT MARIO HOLDING LUIGI'S FACE SO SWEETLY WITH THOSE BIG, MISTY, DEEPLY LOVING EYES

Just EVERYTHING about the way they framed it!!!!!!! the way the shot spins around them!!!!! it's beautiful!!!! like, at first i wished they had shown more of Luigi's reaction because it's SO focused on Mario but now I love that, i loveeeee watching Mario's truly heartbreaking and tender face journey without any cuts

Speaking of, it's amazing that Mario is SO emotional, even more than Luigi! The man is very choked up and just SO CLEARLY FLOODED WITH BONE DEEP-RELIEF AND JOY AND LOVE AND EVERY LAST SHOT OF HIS FACE MAKES GRAVITY LITERALLY ABANDON ME BECAUSE HE LOVES HIS BROTHER MORE THAN ANYONE AND HE NEEDS HIM BY HIS SIDE LIKE HE NEEDS TO BREATHE

FOREHEAD TOUCH FOREHEAD TOUCH FOREHEAD TOUCH FOREHEAD TOUCH FOREHEAD TOUCH FOREHEAD TOUCH

The way their noses bump together cutely as a result of the forehead touch, SOB

The way Mario initiates the forehead touch with his hand on the back of Luigi's head so GENTLY, everything about the way he interacts with Luigi here is SO GENTLE and i cryyyy

The quick shot when they both have their eyes closed in the forehead touch!!! Maybe incidental but the screenshot of it has ended my life, i'm a ghost now, goodbye

Mario rocking Luigi back and forth a little when they're hugging the second time and his hand gripping tight on his back ;____;

MARIO SWINGING HIM UP INTO THE AIR, JUST BECAUSE HE HAS TOO MUCH HAPPY ENERGY AND HE CAN

Luigi's BIG sigh of relief, so big it's like he's been holding in the breath since they were first separated <3

THE WAY MARIO IS LOOKING AT LUIGI ONCE THEY SEPARATE THE SECOND TIME. THIS BIG, DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY GRIN LIKE HE JUST WANTS TO HUG HIM MORE. CAN HE HUG HIM FOREVER???? MARIO IS SURE GOING TO TRY

Luigi finally registering what Mario is wearing and immediately, affectionately grabbing at him/teasing him like brothers do!

That Bowser is literally being forced to watch them hug from his ice prison atop the stairs LOLOLOL

That they're framed by the wedding arch that's a heart at the end because their relationship is the TRUE HEART of the movie :) :) :)

Basically just the fact that you can literally see these two brothers, who have been lost and sad and struggling for all this time, become WHOLE again right before your eyes because they have each other back and that's all that really matters

#mario movie #mario movie spoilers #super mario bros movie #super mario bros movie spoilers #the fact that we all hyped up this moment SO MUCH in the months preceding it and honestly???? i feel like it still exceeded my expectations #cannot WAIT until we have really high-quality footage and there's a million gifsets and i hoard them like treasure :) :) :) :) #also don't anyone DARE reblog this and try to make it a ship thing IT IS NOT INTENDED THAT WAY DON'T BE GROSS #cherrysip hc's & rambling

[oceanwithouthermoon]

long as fuck nails always painted with at least a clear coat club:

saiki kusuo

teruhashi kokomi

kaido shun

saiko metori

imu rifuta

nail biters club:

kuboyasu aren

yumehara chiyo

arisu makino

suzumiya hii

nendo riki

aiura mikoto (with fake nails over top)

(formerly) kaido shun

(formerly) toritsuka reita

(formerly) akechi touma

normal short nails 🙄:

hairo kineshi

mera chisato

satou hiroshi

toritsuka reita

akechi touma

#idk why i made this its just funny to me #i was just looking at how long my nails are rn and this came to mind #i think akechi bit his nails as a kid and then learned how much bacteria is there and snapped out of it so quick #ur gonna have to trust me on aiura cuz i just know. #she has to constantly resist the urge to bite off her press-ons but theyre a little tougher than normal nails so she still chews on em a li #kaido used to bite his nails BAD but he broke the habit a while after he started painting them #cuz swallowing nail polish constantly is really annoying and gross and DEFINITELY wasnt making him choke or anything noo shhh #im not rlly sure of my reasoning with toritsuka.. i just know #i couldn't decide for kusuke tbh cuz i feel like he just doesnt give a shit #but for him does that mean he would just let them grow out forever or that he would just bite them tf off ? #he would probably need short nails for all the hand work he does though so #maybe he maintains them normally but only for that reason #we all know he doesnt take care of himself so he wouldnt do it if he didnt need to #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #meows post

[zerointel]

splat 3 spoilers:

ok i really dont like grizz’s design and i put matter into my own hands…. By making him a fucked up bear

#splatoon 3 spoilers #splatoon 3 #salmon run #splatoon #mr grizz #the design is still kinda in a concept phase and it might change but i like these silly sketches #he has like. #monkey/human hands btw #i just want mr grizz to look weird and gross but not like pimple popping simulator on the tiny head big body plushie #im picky #this is just for fun btw i dont hate hate the grizz design i just wish it looked cooler. i didnt really feel like he was a big threat #maybe im expecting too much of splatoon but salmon run exists man #also some of these r heavily referenced cuz i was learning how to draw a bear lol

[jichanxo]

some bleach for these bloody hands, some bleach for my baptism! [from june/2023]

#masato arakawa #arakawa masato #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #like a dragon #yakuza 7 #jichanart #if the caption doesn't make it obvious this one originally had an accompanying piece of aoki with the second part of the text #but i don't like it anymore so i won't post it here #anyway i really wanted to make something bleach themed for masato because i feel like it has some cool symbolic potential #like YES in universe it's meant to be this gross political thing about cleaning the filth of society #buuuut i can hijack that and use it as a fun contrast to the blood that started him down this path #and yeah it'll clean everything so you can start from a clean slate but it'll still hurt you bro... it's still bad for you...

[prolibytherium]

I don't know if it's just a me thing but I don't like + cannot relate to so much romantic writing because the typical flowery descriptions of physical intimacy as this beautiful magical transformative experience are so far removed from how it feels for me

Like it's not even that I don't like that stuff but more that I'm always extremely aware of the very mundane physical aspects. I'm like 'damn this tongue is slimy and this tastes weird. Awesome'

#See prev post which I will probably delete at some point here #Honestly part of what makes physical intimacy with someone you really love so meaningful to me is that it's NOT this magical wonderful #thing it's weird and human and vulnerable and kinda gross and still feels good and you like it anyway because You love them and etc #Taking away the kind of mundane 'ugliness' and awkwardness and overly beautifying it cheapens it. For me personally at least #(Speaking in a romantic context here and not just sex as a whole. Which doesn't have to be a big thing or involve romance)

[yantao-enthusiast]

can some fucking people stop being to celebrities like “oh this person is either gay or queerbaiting because their personality is making me interpret them as queer because they act ‘stereotypically’ gay and that if you act like this you have to be queer. so we’re gonna either force this person to come out via peer pressure when they may not want to or be ready to or bully them for acting a certain way if they’re not queer because that’s the only way i can accept these people acting this way.” it’s really fucked up, based on toxic patriarchal values, and plain homophobic. analyze these parts about yourself and put a stop to it. it’s not funny. it’s not doing the lgbtq community a favor. it’s an asshole thing to do and you better be leaving that shit in 2023.

#this shit upsets me so deeply i hope you noticed #kit connor #harry styles #billie eilish #shawn mendes #honestly i’m not even a huge shawn mendes fan but what some people did when they were look omg he’s gay bc he acts 💅 #fucking disgusting #let’s not even start with how people made gross speculations about him and camila’s relationship #don’t forget the fact that billie had to come out bc she was put on the spot and she can’t just exist as a queer person #it really rubs me the wrong way all of it #and the kit connor situation is self explanatory #oh right i forgot to mention #taylor swift #like read the prologue please #also i feel the large majority of the community drowns out the g*ylors but it still clearly gets to taylor y’all #she’s stated multiple times she’s straight. stop insinuating otherwise. #even if she didn’t #the public doesn’t have to act like they’re entitled to sensitive details of someone’s life bc they’re famous. #gain some empathy. grow the fuck up #lgbtqia #lgbtq #queer

[neerasrealm]

I just wanna say gang that five rich people dying horrible terrifying deaths isn't going to fix wealth inequality and lift up the working class. Cheering for their death will not fix all of our problems, it just makes you kind of sick. It's a waste of human life, wealth and resources and it's a tragedy. You don't have to mourn the lives lost but you should at least recognise how tragic and wasteful and stupid this whole thing is because it will change nothing for anyone except the family of those on that sub.

#i want wealth redistribution too! so much! but killing the rich isn't the answer #it's a gross over simplification of the problem #if we killed musk and bezos today their companies would still exist tomorrow. their heirs would inherit the wealth and continue as normal #idk some people are getting really vitriolic about these people dying and it doesnt bug me #but it feels stupid bc that is not the answer to the problem #titan submarine #titanic #oceangate

[basofy]

hmmmm i guess i can let these out in the wild now

these are doodles i did the next day i watched that convo, while still having a bad stomachache, so they're more like vent art

idk if im the only one that took this thing extremely seriously, but it made me sad and it keeps making me sad the more i think about it

img that describes what the scene felt like to me

#my feelings on the matter are extremely conflicted #because im not really opposed to the themes that were explored #but i keep rejecting the conversation no matter what #wheter it's because of the execution or because this happened like 10 years later i dunno #it was such a strange thing to be surprised with #sometimes i dont know if it was made to be serious or not #my main conflict is how different it feels from how lisa tends to tackle these things #i was talking to a friend and they mentioned that it could be made to feel like a joke at first and then get rly dark #because thats how it feels when youre a kid in the position jack was in #i keep wishing there was more to that though #anything that showed that the game cares about jack after it #i think it was made as some sort of trap? to see who took it as a joke and who took it seriously maybe #but it keeps giving me a stomachache im rly bad with triggers haha #didnt expect my comfort game to put this right on my face and leaving it all up to me so im not having a lotta fun #my stuff #lisa rpg #this was my first fanart for the DE wtfff #still wish they got something extra that wasnt a pain to watch just becuz i like both charas #in fact i dont understand some of the choices in the conversations but there are some i liked a lot #i might probably still like garth out of nostalgia but it's random sometimes i like him sometimes im grossed out and so on #lisa garth #garth lisa the painful #jack lisa #if ya need this tagged tell meee #honestly this goes further than 'i hate garth now im gonna send him to the roulette' for me #i dont stop anyone from hating him my issue is with the scene in itself i think. i just wasnt expecting this #also be nice in the tags this thing makes me overthink so much lololol #everytime i make art for this thing i end up changing my mind like i dont feel the same way about the first doodle anymore #upd8 from 3 months later im more at peace with this thing MENTAL ILLNESS CURED YAYYYY #i just allow it to make me sad when it has to

[the-knife-consumer]

Forgot just how upsetting gloomed korok forest is

#idk. just this one sanctuary that was different from the rest in that all of these spirits only link and a few others #can see are offering you help and safety. care uniquely for you. a bed for YOU. YOUR sword. kept safe for 100 years for YOU. #thrown together shops just for YOU because nobody else goes here or even knows it exists. #and then you return and the people who cared so much about you dont even speak to you anymore #they cant speak. they just stand there #idk korok forest made me feel the most like i fucked up somehow #rito village was bad but still livable. if things got any worse then they would have to abandon home until it settled #but no one was in immediate life threatening danger #gerudo was really REALLY bad and people were in danger. just all crammed inside a bunker. no going into town because your #home doesnt belong to you anymore #and then the zora were ... idk felt the least pressing even though it definitely should be bc like. they breathe water. #if the water is gross theyll die. but idk something about how it was executed felt less terrible #maybe they outwardly expressed more hope? idk. same with the gorons didnt feel like there was a pressing threat #but korok forest is fucking AWFUL. god #idk. nobody in hyrule talks about it because they dont know there are people there. nobody else can see them so nobody knows #somethings wrong. with no lead into it finding korok forest the way it is just feels soooo much worse. #idk. on my first playthru i kind thought i fucked up and shouldve gotten there sooner. #it just feels like no matter what youre too late and its your fault

[eatend]

lo keeps sending me cursed laios content hope they get an infection ( of my love )

#◜𝐋 ◞ ⸻ ⃰⊹ ooc. #ooc ▪︎ mobile / tbd #* im still so low in energy but how do u actually feel about getting bitten by a whole ass white man??? like not in a cute way like #* in a gross way??? #* what are the chances of him getting sent to the pounds to get ****** #* idk man lo really reminded me he would be gross fr #* i dont think he has jaw control #* like those animals with jaw locking ability #* and i think ge grabs things really hard #* like toddlers? #* its just so unsexy and its killing whatever attraction i have for him man ew #* yuckie

[anotherpapercut]

so anyway I woke up multiple times last night bc of coughing fits and I've been coughing all fucking day and I was just standing outside on my porch trying to like chill before going from job 1 to job 2 and i coughed so hard I threw up. how's everyone else doing this afternoon

#really wish i could call in but i work in like an hour and theyd fucking kill me #i mean they wouldnt. theyre really nice. but theyd be so disappointed that i would die #anyway the good thing is i used to have bad emetophobia and that wouldve caused a severe panic attack and like more illness #but at some point in the past like year or two its gotten a lot better and i can actually throw up without freaking the fuck out now #so i still kind of want to die bc its gross and feels bad but like. im ok which is cool #sorry that was gross and tmi. welcome to my blog #cw vomit #cw emetophobia #i should clarify ive had some type of upper respiratory something for literally like 2 months. ive tested negative for covid several times #i just really need to go to the fuckin doctor lmao

[cal-is-a-cryptid]

I finally finished another paintin, y’all 🥹

#self portrait #I started painting this after I found out I was sick for over a year and had no idea #it made me feel gross ugly untouchable and unlovable #and I still feel like that sometimes so this piece is really important to me #feels like I took some of the ugliness I feel about myself and placed it somewhere else rather than carrying it with me #acrylic painting #acrylic paint #traditional art #traditional painting #body horror #gore #horror #scary #positive thoughts #creepy #creepy art #unsettling #buttons #mine #my art #artists on tumblr #monster art #monster #dark art #ugly #i feel ugly

[rodrickheffley]

i desperately need friends but am incapable of making any

#my one friend is my sibling which im very grateful for but im not like talking to them abt my sex life. my only other 'friend' is the guy i #have sex with and we never like. talk. beyond like small talk. and i dont really care to engage more with him we just arent compatible #in that way. i think my issue is that i am surrounded by ppl who bug me (which. is a lot to due with how im 25 and uni is my number one #place where im interacting with ppl) and whenever i encounter anyone i think is cool my self hatred stops me from trying #but im incredibly lonely and have been for years. and ive never like. ive never had a friend my whole life who i felt comfortable talking t #abt my sex life/romantic life bc idk childhood repression and self disgust and just internalizing the idea that no one wants to hear abt it #ever and i would be making everyone extremely uncomfortable and i also have this feeling that everyone would just be like um you are so #gross i dont even want to think abt you feeling desire in any way. #so ive never. discussed these things with anyone in any detail. ever. and i think thats been damaging #which the disgust thing is funny cuz i really dont feel gross like that anymore i think im hot and desirable. but that feeling wrt talking #abt it is still very strong. #its been that way since early childhood i never talked abt my crushes ever

[leofrith]

lol remember when eivor was like "i will not be captive to another man's gaudy design. my destiny is mine to weave." and then she. proceeded to be captive to a man's idea of what she should be and did not, in fact, weave her own destiny because she was too busy following the old god in her head despite having previously expressed blatant disinterest (and that's putting it mildly) in doing so. and then after finally finding safety and comfort among her people after a lifetime of scrounging and clawing for every ounce of happiness she ever got she then proceeded to die alone on the opposite side of an ocean from everyone who ever loved her and who she loved in return.

#normal and not at all ooc!! nothing to see here!!! #are we all just being hit by The Rage at the same time? cause that's what it feels like lmao #hahaha girlbonding (gn) #i don't remember who it was but someone said something that i'm definitely about to misquote #about the way that this ending makes more sense for male eivor (havi) than canon eivor #like a man who decides to abandon everything in the pursuit of knowledge with his past self who was also a dude? yeah sure! whatever #still sucks!! but i can almost see it #but eivor spending the rest of her life obsessing over her past life in which she was a man? feels bad!! #and they could have done some really interesting stuff with exploring eivor's relationship with her gender (gnc king) but they didn't #this was not that. like it was very clearly not written with that intent #and eivor abandoning everyone she loves in service of havi's own ends denies eivor agency in a way that feels soooo fucking gross #and it reeks of 'man writes ending for a character arc that would make sense for a male character' #idek if i'm making sense but like once again #i never wanted or expected a perfectly happy ending for her but jesus christ i feel like not wanting her to end up alone was not a tall ask #ac valhalla #eivor varinsdottir #eivor varinsdóttir #ky posts text #ac.txt