#no wonder he treats 13’s attempts at getting his soul like play | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wedreamedlove · 3 years

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[FIC] tu es mon âme sœur

Rating: T Characters: Li Zeyan/Reader Word Count: 4753

Tags: Established Relationship. Fluff.

A/N: Can you believe it's already been another year? Happy birthday to the 32 year old!

Summary: Every smile, every glance, every breath is known down to the soul. You aren't sure whether you want this prank to succeed or fail, but the result ends up being unforgettable.

You stared at the unfamiliar reflection in the mirror. "This is a bad idea."

"You promised to attend my party," your friend, an old university classmate, reminded you as she sat in front of another dresser mirror beside you, getting finishing touches done on her by a professional makeup artist.

"I promised to attend your pre-wedding party, which I did, not this."

"Don't tell me you're not even the slightest bit curious about if Li Zeyan will fall for it?"

"......"

Much to your shame, she had you there. A little devil on your shoulder whispered that this was going to be a hilarious prank.

Sighing, you carefully propped your chin in your hand and recalled the whole series of events that led you to this moment of waiting for your friend to finish getting ready and join you and the rest of the bridesmaids and high-class escort women in the room.

It all started several months ago when you received a wedding invitation from this classmate. You were delighted to attend as her bridesmaid and, during the process of organizing everything, when she found out you would be in the country in January she decided to hold a pre-wedding party. Unfortunately, the only date that was convenient for everyone was January 12.

To be honest, it cut a little too close to Li Zeyan's birthday, January 13, for your liking but your friend promised to release you and Li Zeyan at the stroke of midnight and, since you and he had decided beforehand to have a low-key celebration this year, you ended up agreeing.

So, you and Li Zeyan attended what you thought would just be a pre-wedding dinner for your friend and her fiancé, except the dinner ended earlier than you expected and then you were dragged away by your friend to her bachelorette party while Li Zeyan had to go with the fiancé to his bachelor party.

That still would have been normal... until you found out that the bachelorette party was to sneak into the bachelor party as "escorts" under the guise of them being a present sent by the bride. In the words of your friend, this would be the last time her fiancé was allowed to freely eye another woman before he became hers.

But your friend thought it would be hilarious if she and the bridesmaids went in undercover with the real escorts. There was no fear of anything outrageous happening as the high-class escorts were only there for conversation and light flirting.

You weren't of the same mind as your friend though. You didn't even need to think for a second as to what Li Zeyan's expression would be once he saw the escorts. However, your friend pointed out how much fun it would be to pull one over Li Zeyan. Then, once he realized his mistake in treating you coldly, he would have to make it up to you.

This was what spurred on the little devil on your shoulder.

"Alright, ladies, are we ready?" Your friend clapped her hands when she finished admiring her disguise and thanked the makeup artist.

You glanced at the mirror again, still a bit startled to see the unfamiliar face that looked back at you. Your eyes were narrower with eyeliner, but they were framed with eyelashes thickened by delicately applied mascara and smoky eyeshadow. Contour brought out your cheekbones and lipstick made it look as if you had a heart-shaped pout. All of this combined with an intricate hairdo that exposed the line of your neck and a cocktail dress lent to you that likely costed 6 figures made you look like one of the women on the arms of the men at the business parties Li Zeyan attended.

As everyone started to head out, your friend reminded, "Don't forget, whoever can last the longest without being recognized will get a prize."

A staff member of the five star restaurant where the bachelor party was being held brought you, the bride, and the rest of the women to the private suite where the men were. The quality of the establishment showed when you couldn't hear any noise from behind the door even though you were just a few steps away.

Your friend gave one last mischievous look to everyone as the staff knocked on the door and received permission to enter.

"Gentlemen, a present from the bachelorette party."

The women streamed in despite the fiancé spluttering and attempting to refuse this service. Each bridesmaid was between two real escorts to reduce their chances of being discovered and you were no different, entering the room as the sixth person.

The first thing you noticed upon walking in was the number of empty wine bottles on the table. It was clear the men had been drinking for a while now and maybe their tipsy state would make it harder for them to recognize you and the bridesmaids.

The second thing you noticed was how everyone's position in the room seemed to be angled towards a certain point. The place where Li Zeyan sat on a sofa.

It was almost as if he was holding court in this room and, even when he sat there in silence and simply swirled the wine glass in his hand with a languid air, his presence drew the eye and commanded everyone's attention. In fact, this was shown when the fiancé—failing to extract himself from two escorts who seated themselves beside him to convince him to let them stay—looked towards Li Zeyan hesitantly.

"CEO Li, um..." He was caught between a rock and a hard place. He didn't want to anger his bride by rejecting her present but he also didn't want to anger Li Zeyan, one of the most powerful and influential men in the business world.

Li Zeyan, who didn't even spare a glance at the women when they came in and had been looking at his wine glass, raised his eyes.

You held your breath and fought against the urge to scoot behind another woman because any movement now would just stand out. Instead, you pasted on a nonchalant look that seemed to work since his eyes swept over you without pause.

Li Zeyan looked back at the fiancé. "Today is for you and your bride."

The fiancé's shoulders slumped with relief at the implied permission before he turned to accept the women and let them mingle with everyone else in the room. Soon, the party was back in full swing with some men and women going off to play billiards in the room, some forming groups to chat, and others still sat around drinking and discussing business.

Before arriving, your friend decided that everyone would first sit beside someone they didn't know to keep from being busted right at the beginning. Then, as the night wore on, people could increase their challenge by seeing how close they could get to someone who knew them.

So, at present, you sat beside a groomsman you were unfamiliar with in one of the chatting groups and maintained light conversation while splitting your attention to observe Li Zeyan's side.

He was discussing business with a smaller group of people, which included the fiancé. Or more like it was the rest of them talking and he would occasionally nod or say something in a few words.

Polite but indifferent.

This was what came to mind as you watched him. You were honest enough to admit to feeling a little jealous and possessive when you saw an escort make a beeline for Li Zeyan; however, he completely ignored her attempts to catch his attention. Rather, as time dragged on, you started to feel sympathetic for her and the sub-zero temperature and atmospheric pressure she must be experiencing.

But then your eyes widened when you saw her lean over, clearly intending to place a hand on Li Zeyan's thigh, to top off his wine glass. His eyes cut over to her the moment she shifted though and you saw the escort flinch back, nearly spilling the bottle. Li Zeyan's lips moved as he said something to her that made her face pale before she quickly got up to leave. Curiosity nibbled at you and you decided to take this opportunity to excuse yourself from your group to cross the room, heading for the empty space beside Li Zeyan.

Your friend caught your eye when you started moving and raised her eyebrows, impressed at the risk you were already taking. She seemed to take your actions as a challenge and also got up to make her way to her fiancé's side.

When you arrived at Li Zeyan's seat, he glanced at you before returning his gaze back to the others in conversation. He looked neither welcoming nor disapproving when you sat down which left you wondering if he recognized you or not. You weren't sure how you felt about that. Disappointed? Relieved?

You listened to the men talk and it was only during a lull in their conversation that Li Zeyan moved his eyes over to you again.

"You're much quieter than the other woman."

Those were his first words to you in your disguise. Did he scare off the previous escort by calling her noisy and showing his displeasure? You amused yourself with these thoughts before replying in a demure voice, "CEO Li seems to appreciate silence."

"Oh?" Interest flickered through his eyes. "What other impression do you have of me?"

You stilled when he subtly turned towards you and the force of his attention landed on you. He was reclined against the back of the sofa, one arm resting on its back while his left hand elegantly held his wine glass. But the relaxed appearance of his body couldn't disperse the cold sharpness in his eyes. It was like he was measuring your reaction and you had never seen Li Zeyan look at you with such impersonal eyes before, as if you were nothing but a trifling amusement.

"Go on, I won't be angry." He seemed to take your lack of response for a fear of reprisal.

You hedged, unsure still if you wanted him to recognize you or not, "... You don't speak much but, when you do, it's direct and to the point, so you seem to value words and efficacy. You're also very knowledgeable about business, but perhaps that's to be expected of the CEO of Huarui."

"Hm."

He didn't confirm or disagree with any of your words. Instead, you could see that he was about to return to conversing with the other men and, for some reason not wanting his attention to leave, you blurted out, "And me?"

Li Zeyan paused and raised an eyebrow.

"What impression do you have of me?"

"You wish to know?" He asked.

"It's only fair after I told you mine, right?"

The weight of his gaze was heavy and you wondered if this was going to be what busted you. Did that sound too much like something you would say? You searched his eyes for any sign of recognition but you couldn't read anything from them.

Suddenly, he raised his glass and tilted his head back, draining all the wine in one go. You watched on as the expanse of his throat was revealed before your eyes, Adam's apple bobbing, before he lowered the empty glass and tilted it in your direction, a silent demand for you to fill it up. Because he drank all the wine at once, remnants of the liquid clung to his mouth and you had to rip your eyes off of those moist lips.

Lowering your head, you grabbed a wine bottle from the table to fill his glass but, just as you started to pour, you heard movement beside you and then a hot breath landed on your ear.

"I find you to be inexplicable."

Your hand jerked and you would have spilled the wine if Li Zeyan hadn't reached out and caught your wrist, seeming to have predicted your reaction. The heat of his palm scorched your skin and you had no idea when he even sat up straight and leaned over to whisper to you.

When you remained frozen in his hold, he finished topping off his own glass before he released you and turned his attention back to the other men, as if nothing had happened. When the others saw that Li Zeyan was finished with you, they enthusiastically engaged him in business talks again.

You didn't know what to feel. Did he do that because he recognized you? But that didn't seem to be the case. If he knew it was you then would he have turned away so quickly? But if he didn't know it was you, then...

You looked at a clock on the wall. There was still an hour to go before midnight.

Conversations ebbed and flowed around you and yet, as you sat there, you were abruptly struck by a sense of loneliness. You couldn't bring yourself to be interested in anything that was being discussed and, even though you were beside Li Zeyan like normal, it couldn't be any more different.

Your mood dropped.

The times you attended business parties with him, no matter how boring the conversation was, you could always find something to do. Sometimes, you would hold onto his hand underneath a table and play with his fingers. Sometimes, he would lean over to supplement what was being talked about or he would tell you what he heard about the people in attendance, knowing you enjoyed those things. He always had a way of partaking in business while being attentive to you.

But that wasn't the case here.

Worse, as you watched Li Zeyan and the men talk, you noticed he would occasionally furrow his brows. It was extremely subtle but, knowing him as you did, you could see the fatigue settling on him. Guilt welled up in you. What began with him accompanying you to your classmate's pre-wedding party ended up with him being separated from you and having to be polite to the bridegroom when he had no relationship with him. Everyone in this room treated him like a benefit they had to win over.

The bride's prank and this whole situation lost all of its appeal for you. You just wanted to head home with Li Zeyan and relax. But you couldn't grab him and drag him out of here without revealing your identity if he didn't recognize you. However, if you revealed your identity then it would ruin your classmate's bachelorette party.

Standing up amidst the turmoil of your emotions, you didn't know what excuse you used before you walked through the suite to the attached balcony that was out of sight of the main room.

The fresh air of the night swept away the smothering atmosphere of the room behind you and you placed your bare forearms on the metal balcony railing, letting the chill seep into your body and shock you into soberness.

You must have gotten lost in your thoughts, staring out at the lights of the city, because the next thing you knew you felt the heavy weight of a jacket being draped on you. Just as you startled, a familiar scent of sandalwood enveloped you and a warm body pressed against your back, wrapping its arm around your waist.

"Idiot, you'll catch a cold if you stand out here like this."

"Idiots don't catch colds," you retorted automatically, only to hear an exasperated sigh.

But then your brain caught up to your mouth and you whirl around in the loose embrace, looking up to see Li Zeyan watching you.

"Zeyan!? Wait, you recognize me?"

"How could I not?"

"When?!"

"From the start," he answered dryly.

"But if you recognized me, then how come you acted like... like that?" You made a vague hand gesture to the room behind him to encompass everything.

His breaths stirred your hair. "You didn't reveal yourself, so I assumed it was some sort of ridiculous game either you or your classmate came up with."

Okay, you couldn't blame him for including you since you did get convinced at the start. What amazed you was how willing he was to play along. But, thinking about it more, maybe it wasn't amazing because his consideration for you always appeared in these small ways.

You burrowed yourself into his chest, hugging him and feeling his arms come up around you in return. "Thank you."

Soaking in his warmth and the sound of his steady heartbeat, you were content to simply enjoy his silent presence. But then a thought occurred to you and you shifted to prop your chin against his chest, looking up at the bottom of his jaw.

"How did you recognize me?"

"I have eyes."

You glared at him and drew back to poke him in the waist, "Not an answer! Give me details."

"Behave," Li Zeyan said lowly as he grabbed your mischievous hand and laced his fingers with yours to prevent you from using it. He sighed underneath your expectant eyes though and answered, "Only you would demand me to answer your questions. Like now."

So you did give yourself away when you asked him for his impression of you. Or more like that confirmed his suspicions.

"Your perfume gave you away as well."

"My perfume?" You echoed, only to remember you had put on a rose fragrance which Li Zeyan had gifted you. "When did you... oh."

You stopped yourself from asking the obvious question of when he smelled your perfume. It was clearly when he asked you to fill up his wine and leaned over to whisper to you. So, he was definitely bullying you there!

As if he saw the beginning of an angry pout on your face, Li Zeyan moved the topic past that. "You were also looking at the clock."

"I only looked once or twice. How did you see that when you weren't paying attention to me?"

He gave you a look you had long ago deciphered to mean that your intelligence was dropping drastically right now in his eyes.

"Okay, okay, nothing escapes your attention. And? What else?"

Li Zeyan raised an eyebrow, amused. "What makes you think there's more?"

"Hmph, just like you know me, I know you too!"

"Dummy, is this something to be that proud of?" Even though his voice was exasperated, there was a shadow of a smile on his lips and his hands were extremely gentle when he raised them to cup your face. His thumbs brushed along your cheekbones, right below your eyes. "And... you're the only one who has these eyes. You look at me as if I'm someone who can tire and get hurt."

"Because you can," you protested quietly.

You didn't know when the distance between you two shrank, but you could feel his breaths on your face and the city lights behind you shone in his eyes, making it look as if someone spilled stars into a grey-blue sea. Unlike before, when you couldn't read anything from him, his eyes seemed to glimmer with tenderness now. You were close enough to see yourself reflected and you knew, with absolute certainty, that in this moment he was seeing nothing but you.

His voice was low. "Also... your eyes are clear. You don't want anything from me."

"Not true," you managed to say through a mouth that had gone dry.

"Oh?"

The darkness may have hid the redness of your cheeks from his eyes, but he probably felt your rising temperature beneath his hands. "I want... a kiss."

You thought you heard a murmured "idiot" carried in a huff of laughter but you couldn't be sure because it was soon drowned out by the sound of a distant bell tower ringing in midnight and your pounding heart when his lips pressed against yours.

The kiss was gentle. Infinitely gentle.

His hands held your face more firmly, angling your head so he could feel you that much deeper with his mouth.

He kissed you again and again.

You were breathless by the time he drew back. He swiped his thumb against your lower lip, a frown momentarily surfacing on his face. "Don't wear so much lipstick next time. It's not good to ingest this amount."

Before you could point out with a laugh that Li Zeyan had some on his lips too, he pulled out a handkerchief from his jacket on you and wiped the thumb he used before scrubbing at your lips. You grabbed his hand, scrunching up your nose at his actions. "Hurts."

He stopped immediately at your words but, after seeing the playful look in your eyes, he rolled his eyes. However, he still bent down and kissed you.

When he drew back, you grabbed the handkerchief from him and wiped his lips for him. He startled at first but quickly realized what you were doing and kept his head lowered to let you reach him easier. You heard the distant sound of the bell tower again as you did this and, this time, you had enough presence of mind to realize what it meant.

"Happy birthday, Zeyan!"

"Mm."

Li Zeyan caught you as you dove into his chest again to hug him. The earlier gloom you had been feeling at the party was completely gone now and you were just filled with contentment in this moment. But the thought of the party suddenly reminded you of something.

"Ah!"

"What is it now?" He asked, exasperated.

"It's midnight, meaning we can go home!"

There didn't seem to be a change in his mood or tone at your words. Instead, he asked, "Is that what you want to do?"

You nodded in reply. Your classmate had more than enough fun tonight and she already promised you beforehand to let you and Li Zeyan go at midnight, so you didn't feel like staying here any longer.

His arms tensed around you for a minute, as if reluctant to release you, before he nodded and escorted you back into the room.

Li Zeyan kept you on his arm when the two of you returned, disregarding everyone's astonished eyes, and walked directly over to the bridegroom to give his congratulations and farewells. You exchanged looks with your classmate, who was beside her fiancé, to let her know you were going now. However, just as you and Li Zeyan were prepared to leave, the fiancé stopped you both.

"CEO Li, wait! I-I'm afraid you can't go just y-yet..." the bridegroom repeatedly threw glances at you and stuttered as Li Zeyan's eyes grew colder, "I-I should let my fiancée know you're leaving early. S-she would want to thank you for your attendance..."

The man hemmed and hawed and, for a second, you were utterly confused as to why he was insistent on stopping Li Zeyan from leaving until you realized he was under the impression that Li Zeyan was heading home with an escort woman.

Li Zeyan seemed to realize this at the same time you did and his eyes warmed a fraction at the courage and decency of the other man. "CEO Kang, rest assured, I am leaving with the right woman. In regard to your business proposal, you can submit it to Huarui's relevant departments and I will consider it. However, I would recommend you get your eyes examined if you cannot even recognize your own bride beside you."

Before the bridegroom could react with anything more than a stunned silence, Li Zeyan left the room with you.

You were still laughing when you and Li Zeyan were outside the restaurant, waiting for the parking valet to bring his car around. There was a soft smile on the corner of his lips as he watched you laugh against him.

"Was it that funny?"

Your intermittent giggles were his answer but then you asked, "Do I really look different?"

Li Zeyan accepted his keys from the valet, when they arrived, and unlocked the doors to his car before he glanced at you. "No."

"Not even a little prettier?" Now you just felt bad for the professional makeup artist who spent so long on your disguise.

He withdrew his arm out of your hand to pull open and hold the door for you. "I prefer you to look and wear whatever makes you most comfortable."

Inwardly, you blessed the night again for hiding the faint heat on your cheeks. You were just about to get into the car when a thought occurred and you glanced up at him, lips twitching. "I just had this thought, but what if a reporter gets a picture of you taking home an unknown woman? What a scandal."

Li Zeyan leaned down, supporting himself with a hand on the roof of the car while the other continued to hold the door, trapping you between him and the car. His voice was filled with arrogance, "Who dares?"

"Okay, okay, Big Bad CEO, take me home," you giggled and pecked him on the lips before getting into the car.

You were dragged out of your sleep the next morning by your phone vibrating like crazy on the side table. Squirming around the bare arm draped loosely across your waist, you blindly reached out and felt around the table before finally grabbing a hold of your phone and bringing it to your bleary eyes.

The culprit that was blowing up your phone was a group chat. You tapped in and saw there were messages of some friends trying to comfort you, some vowing to avenge you, some insulting Li Zeyan, and some calling for everyone to remain calm and not jump to conclusions.

You stared, bemused, until you finally tapped out a question.

"?"

There was a pause in the scrolling chat before it exploded even more violently. Finally, someone had the mind to link an article to you, all the while urging you to keep calm and stating there must be a reasonable explanation behind this.

You opened the article, read the headline, and looked at the picture.

Then you laughed. Hard.

The arm around your waist pulled you back into a bare chest and Li Zeyan kissed your ear lazily. His husky voice rumbled against your back, "What are you so noisy for in the morning?"

Still shaking with your laughs, you turned around and splayed your hand on his chest, widening your eyes for exaggeration. "Tsk, CEO Li, you sure have some guts to have a dalliance outside and then come home at night to climb into our bed."

The beat of his heart remained steady underneath your hand and his body was relaxed, but you could see the beginnings of a confused furrow appearing between his brows and so you handed him your phone.

His eyes, which had been soft with drowsiness, sharpened as he took in the article that was displayed. The stony look on his face only increased as he backed out of that page and saw the messages in your group chat. Even the pressure around him seemed to drop by two degrees. Finally, he opened your contacts and dialed his assistant, Wei Qian.

"Hello?" Wei Qian clearly sounded confused to receive a call from you in the morning.

"Wei Qian," you heard Wei Qian snap to attention upon hearing his boss' low and deadly voice, "I expect the PR and Legal Department to deal with everything before I arrive at the office today."

He ended the call like that and returned your phone to you before pinching the bridge of his nose. You put your phone back on the side table and laughed some more until he pulled you on top of him and squeezed you against him.

"Think that's funny, do you?" He growled before giving you a punishing kiss.

"Who was it who said no one would dare write a scandal about you?" You breathlessly reminded him after he released you.

Li Zeyan exhaled long and hard before he shifted you off of him and sat up. "I'll see you at Souvenir tonight."

Despite his grumpy words and mood, he kissed you lightly on the lips, lingering, and then got out of bed to head to the bathroom to get ready. You flopped back onto the pillows and sheets that smelled of him and snickered at the memory of the article that had mistaken you last night as another woman that Li Zeyan was having an affair with.

#love and producer #mr love queen's choice #mlqc #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc victor #mlqc fanfic

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aconboyindependent2021 · 3 years

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‘Now and Then’ - current state of play

My film is a re-imagining of the site of Brighton General Hospital next to my home. Until around 70 years ago, a workhouse operated on the site (for details, see: Gardner, J, (2012) A History of the Brighton Workhouses). Aspects of the austere workhouse are still evident on the site today. I began to think about the stories of the residents of the workhouse – what did they have to endure? With this in mind, I bought the above book by a local author about the history of workhouses in Brighton.

I have always been fascinated by the idea that traumatic events in a particular location can be recorded and replayed at a later time in history and that this might be a basis for ghosts and hauntings – for example, in the blockbuster, Poltergeist, and the BBC drama from the 1970’s The Stone Tapes (Sasdy, 1972). This is one of the key concepts behind the film.

After a lot of thought, I settled on the story of the workhouse being told by a single woman, Agatha, whose infant child was taken from her illegally and sold to a rich couple living in Brighton. This is a variation on the common Victorian practice of unmarried women being compelled to give their children to a foundling home.

The film starts with Aggie telling her story in largely neutral terms and comparing the workhouse and the site’s positive use today as a hospital, but it climaxes with Aggie screaming with the loss of her child, and we see that she is a tormented spectre.The film ends with her anguish fading into a sign on the present site, promoting a nursery for infant children.

The film will be around 5-6 minutes long and will consist of edited original footage taken on the site in the present day. The film will be treated with video effects to alter the pacing, colour and atmosphere of the original footage. I have asked for a drama-trained friend to narrate the film as Aggie and will be using original and library sound effects and music motifs, or possibly drones to punctuate the soundtrack.

Now and Then – influences from other artists

1. Brian Percival - About a Girl

Female voice-over revealing a terrifying truth about motherhood at the end of the film. This film gives a cold dead feeling inside from the casual yet downcast demeanor as the leading character talks about her dysfunctional life and especially the ending, where the girl is revealed to have secretly miscarried a baby and we see her dump it into the canal (“I’ve become good at hiding things”). Both my film and About A Girl attempt to humanise the female main character outside of their tragedies.

2. Tobe Hooper - director of Poltergeist Paranormal activity centred around past events and the presence of aggrieved spirits. This was a film that made an impact on me from its non-stop tension, even before the presence of the supernatural becomes apparent. Tobe Hooper, ever since creating The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) has achieved many awards, and after this film, it is easy to see why. It also has a similar plot to my initial idea for my film - where a great wrong done in the past creates a ‘haunting’ by aggrieved spirit(s)..

3. Peter Sasdy – Director of The Stone Tape (1972)

The original idea from the film was stones “recording” traumatic events from the past. While the current draft has drifted away from this concept, it still lives on with how Agatha remembers everything about the past as if she died yesterday, despite the superficial veneer of the current day hospital. However, Agatha is a real soul though in my film.

4. David Lynch - Eraserhead, The Elephant Man His black and white films – particularly The Elephant Man In the latter, view of Victorian England shot in black and white featuring cruelty and time-specific sounds, sights and atmospheres. The film always seems to have a sense of foreboding, even when the scene is uneventful, and with a deeply engaging soundtrack. Eraserhead will always always be an influence due to its deliberate disturbing monochrome style, investigation of altered perception and the anxieties of parenthood.

5. James Gardener- Author of: A Complete History Of Brighton Workhouses A detailed and easy-to-understand book centred around the original workhouse in my area. It includes the Brighton General Hospital Site. It helped give a real-life grounding to my supernatural tale.

6. Richard Boden - director of the Blackadder series 4 finale, Goodbyeee The series as a whole has very little to do with my film, but this is a powerful episode whose fade-out ending and closing-sound inspired the cross-dissolve effects and soundscape in my film - coincidentally both are centered with the cruelty of the past and atmospheric sound. Present and past merge at this point. One of the most popular scenes in TV drama/comedy and understandably so too.

7. Piotr Obal – various films and still images Obal is an independent artist who works with art, music and still photography. Occasionally, he teaches youths how to work at the computer like me (!) when he was helping out with an arts award I was studying for. Below is one of his images that has been an influence on me and the film. I love his Photoshop collages and the wonderful images he posts from his native Poland.

Work by Piotr Obal

8. Nalini Malani- for her immersive installations, ‘disgraced’ women under partiarchy, history and mythology, miscarriages of justice. I found out about Malini when I was writing my essay on her work in the Diversity module: what started off as just finding out about an artist for the sake of my writing became a long-lasting admiration and inspiration from an artist who not only knows where she is coming from (from her upbringing hugely affected by India and Pakistan’s partition) but willingly sticks her neck out for those oppressed by society and history, and confidently shows her creations to the world. A particularly relevant aspect of her work is her use of the supernatural and mythology stories and myths to highlight aspects of women’s oppression throughout history.

9. Chris Butler- director of ParaNorman A key influence, supposedly aimed at children, I used the same of the spectre in this moving animation, and I was influenced by its themes about the cruelties of humanity and how we “moved on”. The spectre is a ghost of a falsely accused of being a ‘witch’ who wreaks her revenge on those who persecuted her.

It was also a strong influence that is more powerful at its climax and twist. In-depth look at how prejudice destroys lives that are never regained - even death provides no relief. Butler is a part of Studio Laika, creating animated films that go beyond the norm.

10. Jacqueline Wilson - the writer of the Hetty Feather trilogy and other such Victorian novels such as Clover Moon.

A part of Jacqueline’s writings is her commentary about how unjust the past could be compared to today: even though her protagonists speak in ways that were customary to Victorians, she keeps them relatable the same way she keeps her modern-day protagonists relatable. The writing style of her books inspired certain characteristics of Agatha’s narration, because it was easy to understand yet engaging.

11. David Lean - Director of Great Expectations (1946) This film, based on the Dickens book, also brought to mind the cruel period of the Victorian era, and the acting and emotions continued that spirit and my inspiration around my project. I love that it is black and white as well as dialog-centred - I particularly like the formal style of speech - even to express negative emotions- for example:

“Let me point out the topic that in London it is not the custom to put the knife in the mouth for fear of accidents. It's scarcely worth mentioning, Only it's as well to do as others do”.

Miss Havisham, an almost ghostly older woman, in a similar way to Agatha cannot move beyond the terrible wrong done to her - she was left at the alter and devoted her life to training her adopted daughter, Estella, to get revenge on men.I use s similar obsessive, sing-minded hatred to motivate Agatha.

12. Sunset Boulevard (1950)

This film involve a man becoming the object of affection of a former silent movie star, Norma Desmond who overtake his life little by little until she kills him. Norma suffered with the times when silent movies went out of fashion and she is unable to move on, alone in her great house: people told Norma that she had no value and it had an impact on her psyche. She loses all sanity when arrested for killing Joe Gillis as she believes she is back in show business. The film also explores facades; Norma may live a glamorous if not lonely life, but her mental state torments her, like Aggie has with hers as she wanders around the hospital site driven ‘mad’ with grief and anger.

13. R D Laing: ‘anti-psychiatrist’

'Here was someone explaining madness, showing how the fragmentation of the person was an intelligible response to an intolerable pressure”

Quote from: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/aug/25/rd-laing-aaron-esterson-mental-illness

In discussing the concept of my film with a member of my family, I was directed to the psychiatrist/anti-psychiatrist, RD Laing. In the 1960’s and early 1970’s Laing wrote about how a person’s so-called ‘mad’ behaviour was in fact intelligible when their entire situation and experience was taken into account. He and other writers (like David Cooper) talked about the concept of the ‘double-bind’ where a person’s opportunity to make a decision to resolve the way they were being treated was blocked – perhaps by a member of their family saying that it was not in their personality to be assertive or angry.

This reminded me very much of Agatha; she tries to express her outrage at the great wrong done to her, but she is judged as unworthy and undeserving, so the wrong is seen as justified and her punishment for being the ‘low-life’ who would have a child and have to live in a workhouse. It is circular – she is treated badly because she deserves to be treated badly and so this means that her hatred and insanity brings the great wrong up herself.

Laing is largely forgotten today, but his ideas resonate with certain ideas in feminism and anti-racism. ‘Gaslighting’ is everywhere, both back then and now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NnBonXPLJM

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highgear-a · 4 years

Text

𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐍𝐎. 𝟏 / 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐚.

Allard. He always had quite the attachment to that surname — somehow he thought a mere name could mean he was worthy of more than what his cruel fate had planned for him... my papa was a funny man that way. He was an artist — though, much before I was born he aspired to be a soldier... not that which I am, no... my papa doesn’t possess the skills or rather, didn’t, not then, and most definitely not now — his lack of abilities made him an angry man. It’s the conclusion I have drawn. He was, however, quite skilled in his arts when he took to them — he even once painted my mama and me. Now looking back I remember hating how still they made me sit... it was painful — and dreadfully boring. you see, my papa wasn’t lacking in the skills you might think, he could shoot a gun or even throw a decent punch — but his legs... well, I won’t delve into it but his legs had always been weak as long as I’ve known him, perhaps it was my freedom he envied, what caused the hatred he held for me to boil up into his throat until it came pouring out as degrading screams to a child who only longed for attention... I was pathetic then... my fragile heart hurt by words screamed from the man who was an accomplice to bringing me into this godforsaken world — though... now? I am stronger than he’ll ever be. take a deep breath papa, you’ll need it for the hate you so loved to spill when you’re on your jealous raves, yes... jealousy — it overtook him and now he is consumed.

𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐍𝐎. 𝟐 / 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐚. ( 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓. )

He taught me to paint... there were good times, though rare — I remember them vividly. I find myself wondering what could have been different had good times not been so scarce, had my papa treated me more as his son rather than distancing himself from me, from my mama... from everyone who could offer love and comfort — I loved my papa, do not ever doubt that. a cruel man he was... but when he loved, even though it lasted a mere moment, he loved — he had a smile like the sun... perhaps I should compare it more to the eclipse... rare, yet beautifully mesmerizing, I’d like to think that is where mine comes from.

𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐍𝐎. 𝟑 / 𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐚.

My mama was an actress — though she may not look it…well, not anymore… she was a shining star upon the stage, she took all the focus whenever she stepped into a room, perhaps that’s where I got it from? — I watched her home videos… I watched them with her, it was as though she was constantly reliving her glory days, which I, according to her, stole from her. She never spoke this to me, but mama wrote a lot, and I, being a lonely and to confess, nosey child, read every single thing she wrote when she wasn’t aware — for shame, I know… but, at least I was not blissfully ignorant to my mama abhorrence for my entirety. She did attempt to love me, wild and unruly as I was, it was nearly impossible, though… she took time from her busy schedule, which consisted of tasting new wines, or whatever alcohol she could get her hands on, oh and staring blankly at the wall…that filthy wall… she wasn’t much for hobbies my mama, how terribly sad for her. Where was I? Yes ! … she would play with me, take me for walks, I was an active child and my mama tried her best to be good — she wasn’t, too often she cried because of me, or left me unoccupied… fending for myself while my father worked himself to the bone — mama and papa were equally trying their hardest, I do wonder if maybe it was me who was wrong — and if true, perhaps they are happier now that I am gone.

𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐍𝐎. 𝟒 / 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬.

I wouldn’t describe my childhood as sad… more as what I have survived to get to where I am now, and though to most it doesn’t seem like much… it was far enough and even more so for a child to handle. Do you remember what it was like being young? There was little happiness to be found, but it was cherished, even after I abandoned that which made me.

𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐍𝐎. 𝟓 / 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐧.

Where would I even begin with my hometown — I have such vague memories of it as I left to escape them when I was but a boy, I suppose if I were to start with anything of importance that brought about me… it would have to be the people in my small town. They were quite kind when they weren’t whispering spiteful things about my family… their children, however, thought it fun to pick on children who were, in their eyes, abnormal — I was considered abnormal, though I’d like to think I was simply too creative and unique for them to comprehend, they were simple-minded and I was not — though that is quite simple, is it not?

𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐍𝐎. 𝟔 / 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐑 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠.

My papa reminded me nearly every day, the bitter man, that I was weak… weak and would be nothing of significance in this world, I would never be like him or my mama, he was right about that much, and I’d never want to be anything like him or my mama, as they are both trapped in that house that reeks of booze, anger, and jealousy, and I am now free… or as free as a soldier can be, with them, with ShinRA, I have the freedom to do whatever I want… I don’t care about ShinRa… I don’t care for anyone here, I do what I must do to keep myself entertained. I left my home and soon after joined SOLDIER when I was around 11 or 13, I can’t seem to recall — but I didn’t leave my home just join ShinRa, there’s more to it than that, I could speak of the argument I had with my mama and father the night I left, but how could I? There were so many words that should have gone unsaid… on both ends, the “I hate you”s amongst them. I didn’t hate them…I loved them… my childhood friend told me more than once that my heart was too big — but is it not meant to carry love rather than hate? I would rather not become bitter and filled with scorn.

The night I left the argument was started over something small — a spilled bottle of paint on a poorly painted portrait. My father had been deteriorating fast, his mind was leaving him quicker and quicker… it made him even angrier than he was early on… I apologised over and over again, but he kept screaming about how I ruined it, ruined his life… the life that was ruined far before I was born, I didn’t cripple my father. I sat and let him scream at me… my mama overheard the commotion, she made a sorry attempt at calming my father down, in her defense, she was already drunk. A word to the wise, do not attempt to stop my mama, no matter what she is doing, drunk or not. I attempted to help steady her as she pleaded with my father — I must have done something wrong because the next moment she was also screaming and crying in my face… I was “weak” — and yet here they were at their weakest, baring their tormented souls to my innocent ears… ah, who am I attempting to fool?… I was not innocent of their feelings, I only pretended to be for the sake of sparing my own childish heart.

After they said their piece, I left, with everything that I felt was of importance… a wooden carved Chocobo toy that I had, shall we say, borrowed from a neighboring kid. I never looked back —and I doubt they ever looked for me. SOLDIER, I only heard of it a few months or years… I can’t recall... while surviving on my own… I didn’t have anyone I cared for to want to protect, I don’t care about this world or Midgar… but for myself? That strength could prove useful. I must protect myself, and to do that… I must become strong. I must become unstoppable.

#❖ · & ⁽ about ⁾ headcanon.#❖ · & ⁽ about ⁾ study.#i spent so long writing this #ALL DAY YESTERDAY and writing in roches voice? wow this made me want to write a shit ton more bc i can feeeeel the muse #give it a read when you can

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fictionalabyss · 5 years

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Do 'em all 🤣🤣

You jerk rofl. Okay, this is gonna take a while..

also under a readmore cuz long.

1. describe yourself.- Mel, 32, mom of two, mental health issues, and no idea of who I am or ever was.. lover, fighter, spiteful, friendlier than I’d care to admit. I think that about does it?

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be? I’d be willing to go to a lot of places, honestly. Scotland is top of the list if I can count a wedding as an expense haha.

3. do you have siblings? On my mothers side, no, I’m an only child. On my fathers side, I have a half brother, and two step brothers. I haven’t seen them since I was 11 though, but they’ve been added to my fb and now ignore my existence there.

4. what is your favorite constellation, why? Don’t think I have a favourite.

5. favorite color. Don’t have one. I like different colours for different things, and even that can change with my mood.

6. what kind of music do you listen to? Pretty much everything. My workout music (basically the only time i have time for music) ranges from the 50′s cowboy and love songs all the way to more current EDM and some metal. You introduced me to Mongolian metal, and I’ve come across and Indian metal band that has a song about fighting depression, and I love them so much. I’m still sad to have missed both Babymetal and Alestorm (Scottish pirate metal) when they came to town. Alestorm actually offered me free tickets if they could name Matrim when I was pregnant rofl.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome) Wild flowers. I have violets that grow wild in my back yard and I love them.

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn? I think at most, I’d like to learn minor healing, or something that would attract goodness to people.

9. favorite childhood memory.The memory of Pat getting in the baby swing and yelling “push me on the swing, mommy!” and me pushing him as high as I could and leaving him there when he got stuck roflrofl. We were 9, and it’s basically how this relationship started. I was annoyed, he was in love. I’m still annoyed but now we’re both in love.

10. have you ever been cheated on? Not that I’m aware of, but that might not have been for a lack of trying. WORD ON THE STREET WAS one of my ex’s was trying to get with someone else while with me and was turned down.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be? Big and spacious. Super comfy bed, plenty of pillows. But also a little corner with a fort that I can be little in. Close proximity to both bathroom and kitchen for obvious reasons. Big window with cute curtains. and all the thing my current room has, but less unfolded laundry rofl.

12. favorite animal. Don’t have one, but it for sure isn’t a fkin slug I’ll tell you that. Pete the peeper ruined that for all slugs.

13. what was the last photo you took of? Luke’s new pokemon cards so I could show Pat while he was at work.

14. do you believe in soul mates? I do. I believe that soulmates aren’t just lovers, but that you can have many people that your soul resonates with. I had one, or thought I did, until I was dropped like hot garbage and shit was said behind my back like I’d never find out. The fucked up part, if I got an apology, I’d probably believe them and let them back into my life like I did last time. Because I’m a fucking sucker and a slave to my heart. But the more you hurt me, the harder you have to work for my trust so I’ll probably never get one. Too much work.

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under? I have a toddler, so under so he can’t just unravel the whole fucking thing into the toilet by slapping his hand on it.

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there. Greenstop and Poutine. They have this killer brown gravy omg.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason? yeah. Everything is either a consequence to our actions, or a lesson to be learned. Karma, my friend. And sometimes, bad shit just happens so you have room in your life for better things. That’s how I got you and Kay.

18. guilty pressures? You mean other than 80′s and 90′s one hit wonders?

19. favorite mythical creature, why? Dragon. Cuz...dragon?

20. something most people don’t know about you. Uh.. not everyone knows me to be as friendly as you tumblr peeps do. Truth is, I’m kind of known as a bitch in person. I don’t socialize well because of my crippling anxiety, and have RBF, so people just assume. Others know it as fact because I treat people the way they treat me.

21. where did you grow up, what was it like? at 8, I moved across the street from where I live now. Before that, I lived in ‘The Point’ but most of my childhood memories are of here. A lot of my neighbours are the same people. I grew up in the 90′s, so we use to play in the street day and night and there were no worries. I’d go from park to park, house to house, just wandering from place to place with my friends. No parents, just us, as long as I got everyone back out front by the time the street lights came on, and then it was hide and seek in the dark while all the parents drank on one of the balconies and watched. It’s not like that here anymore.

22. do you believe aliens exist? You’d be an idiot to think that we are the only lifeforms anywhere.

23. what was your last google search? Big Iron by Marty Robbins.

24. what did your last relationship teach you? You really wanna get into that? It taught me that no matter what I know about a person, I don’t know them. If they talk shit about other people to me, they are talking shit about me to other people. It taught me that just because they earned my trust once, doesn’t mean they should get a free pass on it for life, that I should make them keep earning it. And finally, than when they say “I’ll understand if it doesn’t work out” it’s bullshit. I’ll end up tossed aside and forgotten while I break. And when I realize I deserve better and move on, everything becomes my fault.

25. would you relocate for love? depends where. Example : I love Kay, but I ain’t moving to Florida roflrofl.

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy? Forgive far too easily the first few times. After that, fuck you.

27. favorite book. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert? Introvert.

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now? I have attempted to a few times. Didn’t work out. so no.

30. top 5 favorite movies. Porky’s trilogy. Ginger Snaps trilogy. uhhhhhhm.. fuck.. idk, why do you do this to me, I can’t pick favourites.

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason? We already went over this.

32. what is your greatest fear? Falling.

33. favorite alcoholic beverage. Jack, disarono, Fluffed marshmallow vodka. UPPERCUT. legit, go into a bar and order an uppercut.

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done. If i could think of something, I wouldn’t tell you guys muahahha.

35. do you believe in ghosts? not sure.

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality? That I’m nicer than I’d like to be. I’m mush. I’m forgiving and kind, and loving and sometimes I hate it.

37. should you split the dinner bill? Who am I at dinner with?

38. are you a good liar? Fuck no roflroflrofl. I’m the worst at it.

39. what keeps you up at night? these days, story ideas.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music? bye bye music.

41. do you believe in god? Nope.

42. how do you relax when frustrated? Mindless game on my phone, nap, or binge something.

43. what’s something that offends you? people. People offend me.

44. favorite food I’m a sucker for a good lasagne. but also cheesecake. I can never have too much cheesecake. I mean, I can, I’m lactose intolerant, but shush. Something are worth it.

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be? If there’s booze on the flight, anyone. if not, literally no one. I’ll just pound back some Oxazepam and nap. wake me up when we get there.

46. when do you feel the most confident? never. ROFL.

47. what do you do on your free time? What is free time?

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect Oh yeah. If you’ve read this far, you might have an idea.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart? Probably not, no.

50. did/do you play sports in school? In gym class. Oh, and I did that one summer to Tball and hated it.

51. when are you happiest? when I'm asleep.

52. coffee or tea? Tea. fuck your coffee.

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without? internet.

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person? Height.

55. what is your favorite season, why? I love winter, because I love everything looking so white and clean when the snow is fresh. But I also love spring because of the rain, and summer for storms and fall for colors and good weather.

56. what makes you laugh? What doesn’t.

57. are you a clean or messy person? I was given the nickname ‘Messy’ at 10 for a reason. It still applies.

58. what is important for a successful relationship? Be it friendship or romantic relationship, my answer is the same. Trust and Honesty.

59. what was your upcoming like? Do you mean upbringing? I had a single mom who worked all the time. I was pretty independent.

60. favorite holiday? Christmas.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery? pay off debts.

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination? Bacon crumble and cheese. Not bacon bits, fuck that shit. Bacon fucking crumble. its like, little balls of bacon or something and not many places have it anymore *sad panda*

63. favorite outdoor activity. meditation. Does that count? I just like to be barefoot outside.

64. how are you? honestly. It’s 9 am, and I’m already getting frustrated with kids. And I have a soccer game and medal ceremony coming up soooooooooooo.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort? how about cabin in the woods, ooooor a beach resort with woods backing it. yeah.

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature? everything.

67. favorite type of candy? Don’t got one.

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title? something super depressing, I’m sure.

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases? “Later masturbater” (The Pest)

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now? Frosted tips, mesh shirts, and snap away track pants on men HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,. Oh, them early 00′s. I legit saw someone wearing them a few years ago and almost died.

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on? dunno hombre.

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched? uhhhhhhh

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had? again, 90′s. Mushroom cut with a nike check saved in the back HAHAHAHAHA. Oh man, everyone had that way back when.

74. what do you like to cook? most things.

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? wild beavers make me happy.

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen? Japanese game shows. nothing is as funny as japanese games shows. Human Tetris for example is fucking hilarious.

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head? Heart. Unfortunately.

78. what is your favorite quote? I’m not sure these days.

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had? I’m not sure..

80. what’s your love language? I dunno. I legit just had to google what they were, and I’m not sure which.

81. do you ever feel alone? Always.

82. ever been bullied? Far too many times.

83. are you usually early or late? Early, thanks anxiety.

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most? these days, written. But I love paintings the most, i think.

85. what do you wish you knew more about? Everything. If I could, I’d go to school and learn everything that interests me even the slightest.

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cheshiresense · 6 years

Text

What if: the Gotei 13 offers Ichigo the creation and captaincy of the Fourteenth Division?

[Part 1] [Part 2]

Pinglist: @queen-sands

“Here?” Kisuke looks from their surroundings to Ichigo and back again. “We’re going to build our headquarters here?”

“Yup,” Ichigo looks around as well, scuffing a foot over some debris as they make their way down the silent street. The place looks even more run-down than the last time he was here. The section they’re walking through looks like a fire’s swept through it recently. All the buildings around them are charred and crumbling, and even the homeless have stayed away. The rats haven’t though, or maybe cockroaches, who knows. Ichigo can hear faint scuttling sounds, and he wonders if Shinigami have extermination services he can hire or if he’s going to have to find a way to clear out any unwanted pests himself.

Man, this whole venture is going to be a chore and a half. But it was always an idea that nagged at him at the back of his mind, ever since it came to his attention, a someday, maybe, somehow that stayed with him even after all this time, and when Kyouraku practically gift-wrapped the perfect opportunity for him, that idea became a lot less abstract and impossible than he’d first thought.

He glances over his shoulder at where Kisuke is trailing a step behind him, blinking when he finds the man watching him with an unusually somber look on his face.

“What?” Ichigo slows to a stop, and Kisuke follows suit. There’s a stench of rot in the air, underneath the burnt wood and smoke. “You think I shouldn’t? Or can’t?”

“I know better than to put my money on can’t when it comes to you,” Kisuke tells him, just a touch wryly. “But shouldn’t… well.” He looks around again. “Technically, you shouldn’t. Is Kyouraku-soutaichou even going to give permission for this?”

“Yeah,” Ichigo answers immediately.

Kisuke has the gall to give him an accusatory look. As if the man doesn’t regularly breeze past any rules that get in his way as easily as breathing.

“It’s one of the conditions he agreed to,” Ichigo clarifies with a huff. “I asked to choose where the Fourteenth Division headquarters will be myself. He agreed.”

Kisuke arches an eyebrow but there’s a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “I am fairly certain he did not mean all the way out here.”

“Well that’s not my problem, is it?”

In response, Kisuke’s fan snaps open in front of his face, and he even turns away a little, but Ichigo catches the grin anyway.

He rolls his eyes. At this point in their lives, they’re probably as bad as each other. “But seriously, was there another reason you think this is a bad idea?”

Because if Urahara Kisuke, arguably the reigning king of bad ideas, thinks this is a bad idea…

“Not a bad idea, per se,” Kisuke murmurs, lowering his fan again as his mirth fades. “I can see why you would want to set up base out here. Actually, I probably should’ve predicted it. And no one with any sense can deny that having Shinigami presence here can only help.”

“...But?”

“But,” Kisuke echoes, and the look in his eyes is sharp enough to make Ichigo straighten instinctively. “Seireitei is the seat of Central 46’s power. Officially, Central 46 serves as the judiciary body of Soul Society but their influence goes far beyond that. With the Soul King residing in a different dimension entirely, they are considered the highest royalty here, made up of men and women from noble lines. Their decisions are rarely overturned. They all but own the military. Their authority is absolute and has gone unchallenged for millenia. Aizen was the first to strike against them, and their numbers were large enough that they reassembled soon after anyway. The richest resources and the most successful businesses surround the capital, and Central 46 gets first pick of the best produce and merchandise, followed by nobility, followed by the rest of Seireitei. Rukongai is last, if they get anything at all. The outer districts certainly don’t. So can you see, Ichigo, why the government might have a problem with you setting up your own base of operations so far away from their influence?”

Ichigo takes a minute to digest this. Honestly, he isn’t that surprised. He knows the people who make up Central 46 have never been his biggest fans. He knows - even though the man’s never said anything to him - that Kyouraku’s had to argue for Ichigo’s… unique privileges that allow him to come and go from Soul Society as he pleases, among other things (things like not having his memories tampered with or not having his powers bound). He knows they give Kyouraku a good deal of trouble solely because their new Soutaichou doesn’t run things half as by-the-book as Yamamoto did, and worse, he doesn’t cater to Central 46’s whims either. Gotei business remains Gotei business, as much as Kyouraku can keep it that way, so it would probably be more accurate to say that Central 46 used to all but own the military. But, possibly since Ichigo’s arrival, they haven’t had nearly as much freedom to do as they please as they once did.

Even the old man changed a bit in those last few years.

“They won’t like it,” Ichigo says at last. “Cuz they think I’ll run things my way out here, and there’d be no one around to stop me. And they’d want to stop me because I’d… what, take some of the power from them?”

“That’s the gist of it,” Kisuke agrees. “Seireitei functions as the greatest seat of power because it is the only seat of power. The Gotei and Central 46 are strong because the districts depend on them for aid against invading Hollows. It takes time for Shinigami to get all the way out here, and we can use Shunpo. Imagine how difficult it would be to set up food trains, to send the necessary supplies to sustain businesses, to establish farmland. People here are as self-sufficient as they aren’t. They take care of themselves to the best of their abilities, but they can’t make a proper living when they can’t even overcome starvation. Shinigami don’t help with that. And any soul with a high enough amount of reiryoku will naturally attempt the journey to the only place they can be trained, if only to get away from the rampant poverty, so the outer districts are left with the weak and untrained, and therefore they have no real way to defend themselves long-term. Hollow attacks are inevitable, and Shinigami rarely come on time to save everyone. It doesn’t help that the upper- and even middle-class citizens in and around Seireitei look down on those from deep Rukongai. They consider them lesser. And why not? Shinigami are taught to treat Rukongai residents as second-class citizens at best. If the balance of souls is endangered, Shinigami are given blanket permission to get rid of as many souls in the outer districts as it takes to fix it. To some, they’re merely fodder, not even people. Central 46 certainly doesn’t care about those who live out here. And even Rukongai citizens know that if they want anything like a steady income and an easier life, they should go to the capital. So long as the strongest and the most useful among them travel to Seireitei and place themselves under Central 46’s jurisdiction, it hardly matters what happens to the rest. Souls will always reincarnate into the Human world when they pass on. Humans will always die. More souls will always come. And those with enough potential will eventually make their way into Central 46’s sphere of influence, and they might be under the command of the Soutaichou, but more often than not, if Central 46 so wishes, any orders they give would supersede even the Soutaichou’s authority. Thus, Central 46 remains the greatest power in all of Soul Society. It is a… vicious cycle. But it is one that suits the government.

“What you are proposing though,” Kisuke holds his gaze with something heavy and intent in his own. “If the outer districts, at least in the South, could come here for help, for jobs, for protection - it might take a decade, it might take a century, it might take more, but sooner or later, Ichigo, the people here won’t be so desperate for Shinigami aid from the capital anymore. One day, perhaps there will even be a second Seireitei here. And Central 46 will never be okay with that.”

Ichigo stares at him after he finishes, silent in the face of it all laid bare, and then he looks at their surroundings.

District 78, South Rukongai: Inuzuri.

Where Ichigo literally walked past beggars on the streets and bodies in the alleys earlier.

Where even the best housing in the area consist of little more than shabby-looking structures made of wood and brick with leaky rooftops.

Where older siblings abandon their younger and children have to fight for their food.

And Central 46 is worried about power.

He’s always understood, ever since the idea occurred to him, that what he wants to do would… not be a small venture. Not be something that would only affect a small group of people.

But he thinks it’s right, and not only right but long overdue-- and it’s not like anybody else is going to do it. It might be dangerous, to step on so many toes like he’ll be doing, but he’s been taking on gods and monsters since he was fifteen. Why quit now?

He turns back to Kisuke. “I don’t care,” He says flatly. He thinks about that for a moment before amending, “I mean I do care. I care enough to Bankai any of those assholes stupid enough to try and stop me because they can’t handle not being the most important.”

His hands have unconsciously curled into fists, and he forces himself to relax them even as he levels a fierce look on Kisuke. “I know it’s gonna be hard. I know there’ll be problems to deal with that I haven’t even thought of yet. I know some people won’t approve, or they’ll think I won’t be able to do it, or they’ll try to get me to stop. And I know I didn’t give you any warning. But I’m gonna do it anyway. Are you still going to help me?”

There’s a long beat of tense, breathless silence in the wake of his question. Then Kisuke arches an eyebrow, and his expression is part admonishing, part fond, and all steel underneath. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just ask me that, Ichigo. Else I might be tempted to ask you when I’ve ever done otherwise, and that would be horribly embarrassing for you since you would then remember that the answer is never, and you should know better by now.”

Ichigo does indeed flush a little, at how plainly Kisuke puts it but also at the simple truth of it. He’s still quick to retort, “Hey, half the time when you help me with something, you got me into trouble in the first place!”

“This is true,” Kisuke agrees with a shamelessly inappropriate amount of good cheer, the bastard. “And yet you’ve always handled my messes just fine, so it seems it would be to both our benefits if we refrained from asking such pointless questions ever again.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Ichigo grumbles, and he does. Reprimanded for asking if Kisuke wants to back out-- well, he probably deserves it. Kisuke’s a lot of things but no one who’s remotely familiar with the man can accuse him of not being there when Ichigo needs him.

“Right then,” Ichigo looks around again. “I guess first things first, we’re gonna have to clear the area.”

Can’t build without ground to build on. There’s no way these buildings are salvageable anyway, and even if they were, they shouldn’t be. The place is a pit of death and disease. But it’s large enough to accomodate an entire compound and then some, and there’s no such thing as taxes or leased land in the outermost districts-- he’s checked.

“I’m sure you’ll think of a way to at least make it habitable,” Kisuke assures in a way that explicitly implies without me.

Ichigo immediately slants a narrowed gaze at him, but he waits for an explanation because that wasn’t Kisuke’s trying-to-get-out-of-boring-menial-labour voice.

Kisuke absently taps Benihime against the ground before gesturing around them. “If we really are doing this, then before we can build anything, we have to make sure what we build will stay standing after we finish.” He pauses and gives Ichigo a contemplative look before slowly revealing, “Officially speaking, the Onmitsukidou is attached to the Second Division and under the command of the Soutaichou. It is part of the Gotei, so even when Central 46 wants to issue orders for them, those orders must first go through the Soutaichou. Even if he can’t prevent those orders from being passed down, he should have the right to know. But, unofficially,” Here, his mouth twists into an odd little smile that holds very little humour. “Seventy-three percent of the missions carried out by Onmitsukidou members come directly from Central 46, and they bypass the Soutaichou entirely. Reasons are not given, and orders are to be carried out swiftly and without question. So, if the government wishes to stop us from this little venture, there is every chance that certain agents will be mobilized to… take care of us, and Kyouraku-soutaichou will not know early enough to warn us.”

...Right. Assassins. Why not. He’s pretty sure he’s seen that in a couple dozen movie plots. Sometimes, Ichigo despairs of this world.

“But you can stop them.” It isn’t a question.

Kisuke’s smile widens, sharp as the curve of a scythe and gilded with a sly lethality that Ichigo would hate to be at the end of. “Leave it to me, Ichigo.”

The man glances around one more time, nods at Ichigo, and then Shunpos off, presumably to lay down enough traps of madness and mayhem to deter even a determined Sui-Feng with a grudge.

Leaving Ichigo to stare up at the dilapidated buildings with more than a little dismay.

“I really hope cockroaches don’t bite,” He mutters.

But he’s decided to do this, so bite or no bite, time to get to work.

He snaps open a Garganta. Extra hands - more than just Kisuke’s - wouldn’t hurt, but it’s going to take time to pick people he wants and approach them and convince them, so for now, he’ll focus on at least readying a place for his future squad to live in.

Thank God humans have developed waste management.

[Part 4]

#bleach #uraichi #urahara kisuke #kurosaki ichigo #myscrap #gotei 14 verse

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eddycurrents · 6 years

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For the week of 13 August 2018

Quick Bits:

Astonishing X-Men Annual #1 is a rather dark tale of reuniting the remaining members of the original five X-Men and the current creature claiming to be Charles Xavier running around as X. Given his attitude in Charles Soule’s run and now in this story penned by Matthew Rosenberg, there still seems to be something very wrong with the once altruistic, peaceful founder of the team. I personally don’t really like this character, but it still leads to a good story from Rosenberg, Travel Foreman, and Jim Charalampidis.

| Published by Marvel

By Night #3 is another fun issue with a bit of a twist as we follow Heather’s father and Jane’s co-worker instead of the women. The voice John Allison gives to Heather’s father, Chip, is hilarious, the perfect mix of no-nonsense “dad” thought and aimless absurdity.

| Published by Boom Entertainment / Boom! Box

Cable & Deadpool Annual #1 is a very entertaining issue of time-travel nonsense and Deadpool being tricked into a recreation of the plot of Terminator from an obsessive stalker. David F. Walker packs this story with humour, creepy lesson teaching, and a bit of a monologue on the nature of comics storytelling. All nicely illustrated by a rogues gallery of Paco Diaz, Danilo S. Beyruth, Nick Bradshaw, Luke Ross, Marco Rudy, Edgar Salazar, Flaviano, Francesco Manna, Leonard Kirk, Chris Sotomayor, and Jason Keith.

| Published by Marvel

Coda #4 packs the issue with more stunning artwork, from character designs to page layouts and panel transitions, by Matías Bergara (with colour assists from Michael Doig). This series is just a visual treat. It also helps that the story from Bergara and Si Spurrier is equally incredible, taking many of the traditional forms and modes of fantasy literature and turning them into something new. The opening poem outlining the fall of the world and the rise of Sir Hum’s wife is particularly inspired.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Coyotes #5 is a welcome return for this series after the trade break, beginning a new story-arc that goes more in depth to the history between the wolves and the grandmothers, as the book’s purpose pivots to the offence. I love the ingenuity of the mythology of this story being built by Sean Lewis and Caitlin Yarsky. Also, like the first four issues, Yarsky’s art is just stunning.

| Published by Image

Crowded #1 is great. The concept of tapping into our current app-driven and crowdfunded world is brilliant, especially as extended to an assassination app in reapr. Christopher Sebela, Ro Stein, Ted Brandt, Triona Farrell, and Cardinal Rae seem to have captured magic in a bottle here and the execution is just phenomenal. The characters of Charlie and Vita are instantly relatable, the premise is on fire, and the art is exceptional. I really want to see what Charlie isn’t telling us.

| Published by Image

Ether: Copper Golems #4 is another stunning visual feast from David Rubín. Seriously, he has outdone himself this issue, as he handles the usual fantasy sequences, then changes art styles several times as we get our characters living out some of their fantasies. His work is just stunning. The story that he and Matt Kindt are telling just keeps getting better and better.

| Published by Dark Horse

Extermination #1 begins the next big X-Men event with a bang as past, present, future, and alternate universes collide in this explosive issue. I feel like discussing just about any piece of it is a spoiler, so I’ll just suggest that if you’re at all interested in the original five brought to our time, you need to read this. Ed Brisson, Pepe Larraz, and Marte Gracia present an impressive opening salvo.

| Published by Marvel

Flavor #4 is a bit of a piece-shuffling issue, as Xoo spends a bit of time in jail and we get a couple more hints as to the something that is being done with children. Although we still don’t know what, and a bit of a revelation of Anant’s mother. Joseph Keatinge, Wook Jin Clark, and Tamra Bonvillain continue to work wonders on this series. Highly recommended for all ages.

| Published by Image

Gideon Falls #6 ups the level of weird in this concluding chapter of the first arc. To say that the implications of that final page are confusing, compelling, and chilling is an understatement, as Jeff Lemire, Andrea Sorrentino, and Dave Stewart construct one of the oddest instalments of this series yet. A lot of this series has been in building tone and atmosphere, spooky unexplained happenings, and here the story goes full David Lynch. It’s wonderful.

| Published by Image

The Gravediggers Union #9 is the conclusion to what has been an exciting and different take on the occult and elder gods mythology from Wes Craig, Toby Cypress, and Niko Guardia. Fittingly, this end comes down to the family conflict that this arc has revolved around, and it’s a well played out finale. I highly recommend this series.

| Published by Image

Hunt for Wolverine: The Claws of a Killer #4 is probably the least satisfying “conclusion” of these minis so far, giving us a kind of hand-wavy explanation for what they were tracking, no insight into the organization who brought about these zombies while resurrecting family members, and Daken shuffled off to who knows where. Mariko Tamaki successfully captures the tone and atmosphere of many of the original Wolverine series stories laced with action and black ops, but unfortunately also carries on its tradition of obfuscation instead of an enticing mystery. Nice art from Butch Guice, Mack Chater, Cam Smith, and Jordan Boyd, though.

| Published by Marvel

Ice Cream Man #6 is highly inventive, even for a series as highly imaginative already that this one is. Instead of one story, here, W. Maxwell Prince, Martín Morazzo, and Chris O’Halloran give us three different flavours to fulfill the “Strange Neapolitan”. It’s a mostly silent issue of three different paths our protagonist can possibly take with each of them presenting their own flavour of horror. This is a really great issue.

| Published by Image

Infinity Wars #2 is pretty damn epic. I know that the pieces will be reshuffled and everything will be put back together more or less as we found it, but hot damn are Gerry Duggan, Mike Deodato Jr., and Frank Martin working overtime to tell a heavy story here. The art is some of the best I’ve ever seen from Deodato and Martin and the stakes have just ratcheted through the roof. I’m loving every moment of this book so far.

| Published by Marvel

The Lost City Explorers #3 is still doling out the tension as the kids continue to try to evade Sagan security on their way to try to find Hel and Homer Coates’ father’s discovery site under New York City. We’re still only get bits and pieces before a revelation of whatever the discovery actually is, but Zack Kaplan, Alvaro Sarraseca, and Dee Cunniffe are still presenting a compelling story.

| Published by AfterShock

Luke Cage #1 is another digital original like Cloak & Dagger and Jessica Jones, and also like the latter series offers two chapters at once, and is really rather good, from Anthony Del Col, Jahnoy Lindsay, and Ian Herring. This sets up an interesting mystery of a strange kind of serial killer, the possibility of Luke suffering from CTE, and the wonderful family dynamic between Luke and his daughter.

| Published by Marvel

The Magic Order #3 continues as a slow burn as Madame Albany and her coterie keep working their way through murdering her family members, all while those family members attempt to track down information on who her assassin is and how to stop him. Mark Millar, Olivier Coipel, and Dave Stewart are crafting a wonderful story here that reminds me a bit of Wanted, but good and about magic.

| Published by Image

Multiple Man #3 takes a particularly dark turn as Matthew Rosenberg, Andy MacDonald, and Tamra Bonvillain toss us into the dark future where an evil Madrox reigns. Of the dark futures where the X-Men stories have taken place, this is probably one of the most twisted, even as Rosenberg peppers it with some nice humour. The throw rug in particular is hilarious.

| Published by Marvel

Ninja-K #10 is a single issue story focusing on Ninja-H and the horrors that soldiers can have to deal with and how they sometimes cope with it. It has some great art from Larry Stroman, Ryan Winn, and Andrew Dalhouse.

| Published by Valiant

Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #308 is probably the best issue of this series since Chip Zdarsky and Michael Walsh’s single issue story of Peter and Jonah hashing it out in issue 6. Zdarsky shows us here that he really excels at getting into the head’s of some of the characters, giving us a good look from their perspective, and humanizing them. He does that here with Flint Marko, the Sandman, and it feels like an interesting transition to something else. It also helps that it’s wonderfully illustrated by Chris Bachalo and his usual team of inkers of Tim Townsend, Al Vey, Wayne Faucher, and John Livesay. This is a great start and I’m excited to see what comes next for this story.

| Published by Marvel

Rumble #6 begins this volume’s second arc and is the other series with glorious David Rubín artwork this week (this one with colours from Dave Stewart). I love this book, with its fun mix of humour and arcane magic and fantasy, and how John Arcudi, originally James Harren, now Rubín have built the characters, the overall story, and the absolutely beautiful artwork.

| Published by Image

Stellar #3 takes an interesting look at the existential price of war and at the notion of “you can never go home again” in this somewhat depressing, but no less entertaining, issue.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Thor #4 is the glorious conclusion to this opening arc sending Thor to Niffleheim to fight Sindr in this leg of the War of the Realms. The artwork from Mike del Mundo is incredible.

| Published by Marvel

Tony Stark: Iron Man #3 builds another largely single issue story into the larger arc, with a beta test of Tony’s new eScape platform. I like how Dan Slott and Valerio Schiti have been approaching this series and building up Stark’s supporting cast, while also progressing the recurring subplot of Bethany Cabe’s subterfuge and X-51′s newfound robot rights activism.

| Published by Marvel

Volition #1 is another interesting debut from AfterShock, this time focusing on a world featuring artificial intelligence that hasn’t sparked an apocalypse, instead adapting and continuing on as just another class within society, fighting to survive and combat prejudice like their human counterparts, as created by Ryan Parrott and Omar Francia. The art is gorgeous and a real driving factor for the story, Francia’s style reminds me a bit of JG Jones and it’s incredible.

| Published by AfterShock

Weapon H #6 continues to be that weird, offbeat comic from Marvel that used to be published in the ‘80s or ‘90s that nobody read, but was actually rather good. Greg Pak has been doing a great job of building up this rather eclectic cast of characters and the art has been wonderful. Here Ario Anindito takes on the art chores with Morry Hollowell and it’s quite nice. His style reminds me a bit of Brian Hurtt mixed with Leinil Yu and it really fits the gritty action of the story.

| Published by Marvel

Weapon X #22 is more irreverent fun with the “new” Weapon X-Force team as they follow the money instead of altruistic reasons for saving people (though their second mission out already sees a reversion to the old remit). It’s a not-so-serious take on what is almost a team entirely composed of villains with a good sense of humour and action from Greg Pak, Fred Van Lente, Yildiray Cinar, and Frank D’Armata. It’s also another good place for some obscure X-mythology insertions and follow-ups in the story.

| Published by Marvel

The Weatherman #3 continues to keep readers a little off balance with some of the elements in the story, echoing what’s going on with out protagonist, Nathan Bright. Jody LeHeup, Nathan Fox, and Dave Stewart are crafting something here that feels a lot like some of the zanier action strips from 2000 AD and it’s pretty glorious.

| Published by Image

Other Highlights: Analog #5, Babyteeth #12, Cinema Purgatorio #15, Crude #5, Deadpool: Assassin #5, Doctor Strange #4, Edge of Spider-Geddon #1, Evolution #9, Infinity 8 #5, Jeepers Creepers #4, Jim Henson’s Beneath the Dark Crystal #2, Jughead: The Hunger #7, Mage: The Hero Denied #11, Manifest Destiny #36, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #30, Mysticons - Volume 1, Proxima Centauri #3, RuinWorld #2, Sherlock Holmes: The Vanishing Man #4, Spider: School’s Out #6, Star Trek: The Next Generation - Terra Incognita #2, Star Wars: Beckett #1, Star Wars: Poe Dameron #30, Summit #8, TMNT: Bebop & Rocksteady Hit the Road #3, TMNT: Urban Legends #4, Usagi Yojimbo: The Hidden #5, The Wicked + The Divine #38, Witchfinder: The Gates of Heaven #4

Recommended Collections: Bettie Page - Volume 2: Model Agent, East of West - Volume 8, Hellboy: The Complete Short Stories - Volume 2, Kill or Be Killed - Volume 4, Old Man Hawkeye - Volume 1: An Eye for an Eye, , Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man - Volume 3: Amazing Fantasy, Rose - Volume 2, Transformers: Lost Light - Volume 3

d. emerson eddy has now been doing this incarnation of weekly round-ups for a year. Has it really been that long?

#This Week in Comics

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

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13x05 watching notes

I’m not used to getting what I want.

Expectations: holy crap am I excited to see Billie again. Yeah yeah Cas or whatever, we know he's back and would be coming back from the moment he died, and all the rest is just flavour text... BILLIE is an utter treat and given A: how she died (not just dead reaper killed off for man pain as a minor thematic antagonist, but also woman of colour on the show which was a bummer and at least she alters their post-death appearances dismal stats even if she isn't back-back as her full and healthy self a la Cas as a worst case scenario >.>) and B: the themes she embodied, and C: that Cas just got punted back OUT of the Empty, well, I am ridiculously pumped to have her (or the image of her >.>) around again, because of the utterly fascinating thematic conundrum she'll represent and because Billie was the most freakin awesome character ever, and Lisa Berry just exudes this raw calm power, and I went and watched Shadowhunters over hiatus 90% because she was on it in like 3 episodes and lo and behold she was a powerhouse in her scenes there too :P

Of course I have a personal stake too and as a meta writer it's not quite so obvious, as a shitposter you might have caught me endlessly referring to it, and as me personally inside my head, I know that I introduced Billie to Terrible Coffee AU to be a side character to the drama, meaning to embroil her in it as a voice of amused-warning-to-later-friend for Cas, and began constructing an entire narrative to explore cosmic consequences in as if post-death the show's Billie had wandered over to my silly AU and was using her extreme disappointment in them all to add another level of irony to the characterisation (listen: imagining what face the canon character would make at their role in your AU is a great way to characterise and people think I'm good at it, so free writing tip :P) and I had to make Billie proud about what I wrought.

I failed to actually write that section in time for this episode, had no idea there WAS an expiry date and that Billie would come back, but here we are and I've accidentally over-thought Billie to an absolutely astronomically disproportionate degree to probably most people around these parts for the sake of having her tease Cas about Dean from the deck of a boat while they were sipping cocktails together. :P

I can and will mentally insert a cocktail into Billie's hand in her scene(s).

OH AND THEN THROW IN THAT THIS IS A YOCKEY EPISODE. Of all the current writers, he's the one who makes me lose my chill completely. He's got an incredible way with character and emotion which I absolutely adore, so I find it pretty hard to worry about all the nervous little things I worry about aside from how much the grand scheme of things will let Billie back. And season 13 seems to be going pretty in my favour as a viewer and meta writer so. Super sublime chill.

Oh boy the recap people are trying to put us out of a job.

Superimposing Dean's speech to Patience over Sam crying over Dean nearly dying in 2x01 and ghost!Dean lurking behind him, which of all the reminders that they die a lot is a... lot of a thing. Because John etc. Season 2 theeemes everywhere. And then of course them getting shot as ghosts in 4x15 aka time to save Tessa. And Dean wasn't having an easier time in that episode, hell-damaged and talking to Tessa about how he wished he'd gone with her. Could just be subtle reaper reminders because the next shot is Sam detoxing demon blood in 4x21, nudging us into new territory for Jack theeemes. But that's part of the "pain" in his speech, "horror" is Dean hilariously dying in 3x11 when hit by a car, which, well, wasn't hilarious at all for Sam or the rest of that episode for us once the dying montage was over, and just reminds us how much they're dicked around with by the universe... And then "Death." Over. Death's hand.

Look, I am a simple person with simple wants. I would have been satisfied to just have this about Billie but now you're making me want to see DEATH again and see what the heck happened with him. I mean I've always sort of wanted to see him back again because if Billie would be pissed at them... :P But I could accept she was his stand in from now on. That she WAS the new Death all along, even, for our wild spec. Now I am MADLY excited about how they're going to utilise all this stuff because oh hi have you met me the reapers and death stuff is my absolute favourite stuff on the show. I was always hoping this wasn't going to be a cop out with the tasty sounding title, and it seems like they want us to really be on the ball about the themes here, to whatever end.

(Just having paused it to squeal here, it could be a fake out about Death because the first shot of him in his killer intro montage was his hand with his ring because in season 5 that was the cue we needed to know that was the ring we needed and that Death was who he was supposed to be... Logic dictates the ring crumbled in 10x23 but if they wanted to invoke Death without bringing Julian back...)

Weeeeeeeehheeheheheheeee Death's "affront to the balance of the universe" speech in 6x11 where he was resentfully giving Sam's soul back on one condition... The same thing Billie was pissed about in 11x02 onwards. Is he here to cover for her reappearance and make this seem like it's all just a big cosmic theme? Because something tells me this episode is about their deaths somehow or another, either temporary, threatened, or big picture :P

Or it's confirming that Billie is Death, there's always that because the next transition is Dean killing Death to Billie LITERALLY CONTINUING DEATH'S SENTENCE FROM 6x11 - "you cause disruption on a global scale -- so next time you die and your brother bite it, we're going to toss you out into the Empty."

"And *nothing* comes back from that" *stab*

Leaving it there with Cas - no cutting to him back alive in the bramble patch. Instead the last note, the only one ABOUT the Winchesters in season 13 aside from Dean's 13x03 speech being used - is Dean saying Sam needs to keep the faith for him, which was the comment only answered in dramatic irony by Cas's return. No comment on the dominoes of Cas stabbing Billie, getting stabbed himself, going to the Empty, and coming back from that. No comment on the deal. This is all stuff we're either meant to know already or isn't strictly relevant right now... But we'll see :P

Sort of scared to play the cold open because eye horror in the promo pics and I don't wanna see the doctor drill some random person of the week through the eyeball :P

Oh no, it's kids. I think they're still alive because of the promo where they refer to talking to some kids. Or one of them with the implication both made it out the house although I assume their time is numbered regardless.

They're visiting a house which used to be a mental health clinic, which has weird overlap to last episode and the fact the guys went to a fully functioning house with a modern day therapist in it. Mel pointed out the Asylum direct visual reference in one of the props we see in the fast promo so I suppose that's a good season 1 reference to keep in the back of your head.

The floppy haired kid with the backpack (aka the Jack mirror?) is more uncertain about doing this but encouraged by his friend to go along with it. His friend is a dick.

I hope someone's had a good look at the stained glass window because I can't tell if we've seen it before or not. This may or may not be set re-use >.>

You can tell the boys apart because one is half battery (the dick) and one has full battery still (our sympathetic guy)

Don't touch the plague masks!!!!

Literally that was your entire fault and at least the one we were rooting for legged it with a minor wound. I think even some other ghosts were yelling at them for waking up the doctor (I HOPE that's not a parallel to The Empty and Cas waking him up)

But yet... sam and dean seem to have visited both? Was it only "minor" brain drilling and the other kid comes back home slightly altered? Mel also made promo shot comparisons to Naomi and her drilling... Brrrr.

Anyway Dean is making himself PB&J so I don't have time for you all. Ouch.

Did Sam literally just compliment Dean for making himself a sandwich?

is it a recovery sandwich?

I get the feeling if we're seeing this and the promo was a lil later on and some investigating further into the episode then maybe we're basically seeing Dean's breaking point for being babied through his grief by Sam's attempts to cheer him up.

Makes you wonder why they picked that instead of this, but this could be a relatively dull opener and Sam trying to talk Dean into going to a strip club was too funny to resist, because it kind of was :P

Sam has been on screen 6 seconds and he's annoyingly peppy

I love Sam btw, like, you are not allowed to judge me for how I may talk about Sam in the coming stretch of episode because I get the sense he's in full on cheer up mode, which turns anyone into the most irritating person on the planet and then you throw in Sam's eyebrows and basically I can't with him :P It's not a judgement on his character, I know he's trying to help Dean because of what Dean told him, but Dean just wants to operate a shell of himself for a while and Sam's trying to dig him out of it because it's painful to see him like that and he doesn't know that Cas is reconnecting with them soon, and if not today then next week and also probably by the second half of the season Mary will be back with them.

Anyway Dean just carries on stoically making his sandwich and we all talk a lot about the symbolism... I think in this context perhaps it's loosely linked to Kevin operating as a ghost out of this kitchen after dying halfway through his PB&J and coming back for the crusts as unfinished business. He was mourning his mom while he was alive but then it turned out she was alive but too late he was dead.

The PB&J is also symbolic of humanity so idk. He could just be making it because it's sweet and he has a sweet tooth, it's vaguely reminiscent of pie filling but not enough to be traumatic and it's Dean's "I'm doing 1 good thing for myself today" personal quiet method of getting better in the long slow aftermath that Sam wants to rush.

"GET THIS" Sam is on full on Sam-ing

Awww Jack's watching DVDs. I assume Sam HAVING a stash of DVDs is stuff he's collected as an adult with a Bunker to go on a nostalgia kick. I assume they have a PO Box pretty much for Sam's Amazon deliveries. Like, he hasn't been lugging DVDs around with him since the start of the show and before that they had a bunch of VHS tapes in the back of the car or something :P They grew up dependant on what was on motel TVs and picked what they liked to come back to as adults with a settled address.

Also: the clouds part and bestow on us: a thing Sam likes!!!! That's like at least 4 songs, a couple of movies including Star Wars stuff, HP Lovecraft, and now liking old bad fantasy movies that even Dean judges him for.

Or, I assume, Dean has watched and may or may not reference if the opportunity came up but he needs to box something off as Sam's weird nerd shit that makes him unappealing to the ladies, while Dean, obviously, has never liked anything nerdy, and has had lots of straight edge manly sex with women and all comments about Zorro masks are stricken from the record.

Sam, being in a magnanimous, my brother is grieving, mood, just literally takes the hit and keeps going. Jesus Christ Sammy.

I would swear he's worn his worst plaid today just to give Dean something else to judge him for :P

Oh uh anyway point is Jack is being stashed in the Bunker just like Sam once stashed Cas with his netflix. Sam's being responsible for the pop culture education of 2 generations. At least Netflix lets you pick whatever you want once Sam's not trying to be helpful, and in 11x06 Dean related to Cas to switching to bad TV, rather than watching Sam's picks of the good stuff you're meant to watch.

Less chance of Jack going on a complete rampage through trash TV, but still if nothing else Dean's hands-off approach to the kid means that Sam is being allowed to mould him however he likes :P

I just went back and watched again just because I realised the credits were ALREADY over after 5 names. It was like, J2, Misha (yay!) and 2 people I hadn't heard of who I assume are too important named characters in this episode to skip but also not reoccurring characters. I wonder what the slippery slope is when you don't put Lisa Berry's name in the credits of an episode you've advertised she's in. Even people who've checked on TV guides will know... But I guess you treat the episode as internally self-spoiling and ignore what everyone knows for the sake of the person who buys the DVDs and watches through without even reading the descriptions in the sleeve or whatever. Anyway glad she wasn't spoiled but it does make me like *itchy teeth* about Death being in the recap, because naaah. Naaaaaaah. NAAAAAAAH. they wouldn't. they're not. it isn't. She's making like, a hallucinatory cameo for theeeemes and I got to stick with that until the episode proves me wrong, never mind bringing Death back :P

As a fan of Death and the reapers (probably already a band name) I'm like... so on edge right now :P

Oh wait also Dean said "what about Jack" - he's using his name even to Sam now. Not teasing him about the anti-christ

Ya know, based on how beer for breakfast (name of my band) went over and letting Dean be Agent Page (oh the promo is so the breaking point - Dean already is calling him out on all this IN THE TEXT, using his words to point out the weirdness) I am actually thinking that Dean would have actually quite liked to go on another job with Jack. That he was starting to see the use of him and to warm up to him ever so slightly as a person since he showed effort and did a good job and saved Sam and dug the graves for them. I don't think Dean would ASK out loud but if Sam had said, "Jack comes and that's final" Dean would have done that face shrug expression and let it happen without much complaint.

Sam is bending to Dean's apparent desires and being like, well Dean doesn't like Jack, this could be a chance to get Dean out of the bunker without Jack and let him forget all his troubles for a bit...

Like, I don't wanna worry you Sam, but last time you decided you needed to cheer Dean up from his extra super special worries about Cas, you took him out into the woods for a fun werewolf hunt, got shot and strangled and had to kill literally every single werewolf in the episode with your bare hands while bleeding profusely from your stomach, while Dean had a random encounter with Billie in the depths of utter despair that he'd lost everyone he ever loved and the world was now going to end without you all.

Dean's a drama queen about a lot of stuff but when he tells Jack your plans don't usually work out, this is the sort of shit he's referring to :P

*Sam looks so freakin smug with himself walking off after the badge exchange and Dean's like... what. What?*

Poor kid with his great big bandage on his forehead.

He "can't even talk" because the trauma was so bad and we cut to him apparently drawing in his room, which makes me think right back to 1x03.

Omg lol of course Dean walks in the door alone to chat to him. And sees him drawing repeatedly the MotW. We bonding over trauma so bad we can't even talk about it again?

OH there's 3 boys. Shaun/Sean (I'm gonna pick Shaun because this is America and I assume you all don't spell stuff proper - FYI to Americans reading this, please remember to read this all in a shrill British accent, what what) and Evan who was presumably the one who died in the cold open, and Mike is the third, who they're inseparable from but was NOT there in the house with them that night, and by nightfall at the promo scene they had not spoke to him yet.

What a frikkin rug pull though, to have 2 boys in the open, so you think they're a duo of best friends, and it's like NO WAIT THEY COME IN THREES... Bahahahaha

Dean back upstairs with Shaun, and he's sat down to talk to him with a "you know" and at this point I am pausing and getting a stuffed toy because he's either gonna open up to a kid who won't squeal about it because he can’t talk, or say something completely awful because he's in an awful place and either way I don't need Emotional Honesty Hour from Dean Winchester at 9:30 in the morning without a friend :P

On no, Dean talking about knowing what it's like to be scared of monsters, but then trying to reassure the kid that he can at least make it go away PHYSICALLY even if the horrific psychological trauma can't be erased. Comforting!!

Promo sceeene!

Which we already picked over but aw yeah so Shaun didn't tell Dean anything after all, except for the plague doctor drawings (and he didn't show he had the mask with him? Really?? Did he drop it earlier?) so Dean really did just open up to the kid about understanding his pain but being the thing monsters are scared of... A better Dean pep talk than Patience got at least, since Shaun was a regular victim and Patience might have been angling to join the life... and it mostly just served to make him say that :P

Since I've been barrelling through all the Wayward Sisters old episodes this month, I am reminded that I spent a good long while wallowing in Yockey vs Sam knowing Dean's porn habits and outing them to Jody in 12x06...

I think Sam trying to make the sacrifice to go to a strip club with Dean (and I can't believe this is the third time I'm putting myself through watching this exchange because omg second hand awfulness and yet I went back and watched it twice it was so good) probably fits under this characterisation umbrella.

Of Sam vs performing Dean, as much as the callbacks to season 1 and Dean vs Sam's Jess grief that I was talking about last night thanks to an anon nudge. And parallels to 12x16 and their chat about the swimming pool outside a similar hotel set (although this one is infinitely lower rate :P) - the writers playing with the knowledge that Sam and Dean have grown up completely latched onto each other like this and Sam's been dragged to strip clubs by Dean almost certainly and they just kinda know more than they want to about the other's personal habits, and they have low, bad boundaries. 12x16 was asserting some back, letting them have separate rooms, and showing Sam grossed out by the thought of Dean skinny dipping which, I mean, fair (if you're Sam anyway :P) but they don't really GET those boundaries.

So there's some re-poking season 12 specific themes here as well, just in that Sam, who has historically had his own walls up about Dean's porn and interest in strip clubs (because they're extremely not his thing) is willing to cross a line for Dean and just go with Dean to a strip club and buy him a lap dance from a place with a decent online review. Which also shows low bad boundaries that he would try and manipulate Dean back to happiness this way, just like in 1x19 especially, Sam had to angrily re-assert his boundaries about Dean constantly trying to set him up with Sarah, and Dean had to point out he has a stake in Sam's sex life too, even if it's just having to put up with Sam being cranky and miserable. Historically, Sam having to put up with Dean's sex life is considerably more on the "ugh, TMI" range for him :P

... sorry, yelling "promo scene!!" usually means I stop analysing for a moment and just watch, because I already went over this ground last night, but I guess there's more untapped depths :P

Holy shit, though in the reaction shots for Dean after talking about the Clam Diver, he's standing with his back to some stuff that on my screen makes a beautiful bi flag. What the hell. I was thinking how colourful the backdrop was last night but...

I mean that's the blurry background to his close ups on this.

I THINK it's just the road lit up behind him but oh gosh getting it in the background of the shot for THIS conversation about the Clam Diver? GUYS what are you DOING.

Who directed this??

I overshot and landed on "how you ever got laid" "heh, tell me about it" I can't BELIEVE, STILL that Sam just gave him that win. For some reason it reminds me of Swap Meat where he judges Gary for being a virgin based on the Star Wars stuff, even though Sam is an established Star Wars nerd of more than the general audience variety, and mostly likely read the old tie in novels :P Sam owning that his nerdy interests as a teen didn't exactly make him very sexy is probably the most frank thing he's ever admitted to Dean and he's just trying to help Dean.

(Tbh, again, it may have helped Dean more if Sam just reacted all prickly and got wound up, which is generally what someone teasing wants - a reaction, not rolling over and showing your tummy. Anyway more on the pile of Yockey probing their sex lives in relation to how they see each other, with Sam letting Dean be the one with the more manly sexy interests and letting the performing Dean layer that all comes from win, and then trying to pander to it some more by looking up places to make Dean feel even more manly and in control)

And holy crap I'm glad I have no yoga today because Yockey's got me talking in loops and I've been back to this conversation in the kitchen 3 times and it's nearly 10am and I've made such bad progress. Mental contortions instead :P

Ooooh directed by John Showalter. I'm pretty sure he's been around for aaaages and contributed more than his fair share of nonsense... :P

I just looked him up on the superwiki, saw he directed the episode with HP Lovecraft (and that ridiculous "I was busy having sex with women" or whatever line about Dean not reading the novels) and basically I am gonna hit the brakes on this thought and just watch the episode or I'm going down a rabbit hole I don't come back from until 11am :P

Oh but the thing I was trying to confirm was... Not that I knew I was looking for it except in the most abstract sense that I was thinking of it in one hand and thinking maybe there was something by this director in the other without realising it was the same hand... the blue & red light falling on Dean in 10x16 which looks an awful lot like the bi flag and shortly preceded Dean confessing all that delicious confessional stuff?

Yeah guess which director according to Superwiki.

Now i'm done.

I want to know what metric The Clam Diver got "four and a half" of on whatever site Sam was reading about it.

That's in Sam's browser history.

"Is it my birthday? Did I win a bet that I don't know about??"

"I'm just trying to be nice."

"W h y."

"Because..... you know why."

"I'm f i n e."

Sam, back off, he's gonna stab you :P

I got to ask... is the automatic door not working an improv because the door broke, or thematically relevant, because that's the sort of random thematically relevant detail I could have a nerdgasm about for absolutely hours of typing while Sam is harassing Dean into the building talking about him not believing in anything. The higher powers aren't doing shit for Dean even when he waves at where he thinks the sensor should be, so he gives up and just opens the damn door himself.

The door has a sticker that says, quite clearly, "warning automatic door" and at the very least for the shortsighted is a great big yellow warning sticker on it, so I'm gonna have to go that they're signposting that it's supposed to open, so this is something either scripted or added with full intent to metaphor and my brain hurts.

Sam is trying to understand this massive great big VOID of misunderstanding and it's... frankly awful. He's babbling about his understanding about Dean and his confusion

"You're not, Dean. you said you don't believe in anything, and that's not true! you-you-you do believe in things, you believe in people, that's who you *are*, that's what you DO. I know you're in a dark place and I just want to *help*"

This is telling us a lot more about how Sam sees Dean than Dean's faith arc. Of course Dean believes in people and saving people and that the planet is worth saving. That's a baseline assumption around here. Dean and *faith* though, in believing in things, in how the universe treats them... it doesn't even open automatic doors for them. Cas is DEAD. Cas is where Dean's belief arc centred in the last minute of 4x01 and Cas is where it has freakin' remained for the next 9 years. Cas lost faith in God and Dean chucked away the amulet because he lost faith in everything - Cas and Sam and himself and their ability to save the world that didn’t want to be saved. Cas became God and Dean lost all hope he may have had left. Cas came BACK to Dean and his faith was restored but in THEM. GOD came back and Dean and Cas had similar and unchanging positions on it right down to Chuck basically telling Dean not to confuse him with his own father, but the ridiculous superimposing over John over Chuck and Chuck as Cas's failed father who Cas now just ignores outright and Dean lashes out on his behalf because he knows Cas doesn't believe. That Chuck broke Cas back in 5x16 and... Yeah. Cas is gone now and what does Dean even have left in his personal faith? Chuck didn't answer, the automatic door won't open even when he waves at it...

Sam sees Dean as having no faith in God (while Sam has had the much more complicated journey there with his personal faith, and feeling it in a religious way) but instead he tries to get a read on Dean's personal compass, and god dammit Yockey *takes a shot* in Wendigo of course Dean sits down with Sam and tells him HIS personal philosophy on why he does what he does: saving people, hunting things, the family business. The thing is, Dean has already in this episode reached out to Shaun and described himself and Sam as the people who know about the monsters, the ones who can't erase the trauma but they can erase the monster, and help what little they can there... Save *other people* from it - yeah it's a message full of regret and defeat that Shaun already got hurt and that's probably why Dean couldn't get him to open up because he didn't come in bubbling with wide-eyed optimism about saving the day, but heavy eyes that had seen this too much. But oh does he still care about the people, and saving them. He just doesn’t trust what HE can do, what they can do against the tide of awful. It's not in his speech to Patience, because it's not the motivation to be a superhero any more - he is just a guy doing a job. And he's lost his heart in many ways. But he will still fight to protect and help people because baseline, Sam is right, that IS Dean and even damaged like this he'll go on hunts and protect people. Take Jack into the Bunker with them in 13x01 expecting it to be a self-destruct thing where base case scenario they can take Jack out with them or something and contain the blast...

But yeah. 13x04 expressly ended linking Dean's lack of faith, via dramatic cast-iron irony, to Cas coming back as Dean voices what losing Cas has done to him.

And then Dean gets to say his bit -

"We've been down this road before, and I've fought my way back and I'll fight my way back again" which HONESTLY echoes Cas in the Empty telling his depression to stuff it and that he'll fight and fight for eternity if he has to.

Dean is trying to get better, he made himself a PB&J, he's just taking this all at his own pace, and Sam's starting to smother him.

"How?"

"Same way I always do: bullets, bacon and booze." Dean regrets his no bumper sticker policy because that and the "whole bottle of Jack" comment from last episode are both iconic Dean talking about his coping methods out loud way.

Also throws back to 10x11 and how Dean did that list of 3 things which he was getting back to when he lost the Mark and left a blank space which should have been "babes" or something and just put more booze into it. The swap of sex for food happens a LOT with Dean. For some reason the Dean vs cake explanation I wrote recently was floating around tumblr again last night, in which the middle of season 10 conveyed clearly that cake was stuff Dean hadn't tried yet (and 10x16's confession tied it all together - we're really delving deep into the stuff that was explored back then and I've thankfully been in fandom for so have the language down really well but I hope I don't have to explain this entire complicated web over and over later :P) and pie was coping methods heterosexual sex with women - tying what Dean wanted in 10x07 in the hook up he didn't get, to pie in 10x13 via that gross dating app... All this with the cake, croissookies, and that comment in 10x11 where Dean was trying to detox and eating egg white omlettes (hi 12x18) and cutting out booze.

And, of course, there's the whole bacon = bisexual experimentation thing from 8x13, 9x13, 11x21, and I guess now :P Cass had a much more thorough bacon masterpost somewhere out there which I may have to dig out and reblog with a knowing look...

And Dean slams his hand down on the bell to punctuate this statement and hopefully bring an end to the conversation by summoning a hotel receptionist.

Cue screaming kid having nightmares about what he's seen.

His mom kisses him on his forehead where the doctor drilled him, and leaves the door open so she can be concerned about him.

Oh no, his backpack DOES have the mask in it. Dr Monsterface used it to get to him :<

(Oh wait hi yes that thing Jody said about the Dr Sexy leviathan in 7x02 is still fresh in my mind. Leviathans as a depression metaphor in a way The Empty rapidly escalated.)

I saw/maybe reblogged a post about how Jack might have Kelly used against him and 13x04 was the nice version, but he's going around carrying his grief about her in a backpack. We have to hope like hell Mia gave him catharsis enough or he might carry that grief with him and things can use her image to get into his head.

(That and the 2x "shoot him!" order about Dean from Miriam and Buddy to the sheriff and Mia, 2 people who wanted to help, are causing foreshadowing concerns)

I love the cuts between the doctor coming for Shaun, though - the bell ending one conversation to Shaun waking up screaming, and then he gets up and pretty much goes to confront the doctor head on rather than cower - but cut to an empty bed.

Dean's empty bed, but he seems to have left the keys?

Ah, he went and had some, uh, catharsis somewhere. I swear to god those are probably the sunglasses from 1x19 dug up again and stuck on his head just to haunt Sam.

The fact his tie is tied around his head makes me feel like he was probably blindfolded at some point in all that... Hehehe. I doubt his tie is tied so nicely around his head with a pretty bow because he did it to look cool :P It would just be the same knot but on his head in that way.

Sam's like "oh great" but doesn't kick Dean awake? Like on a normal day when dumping a glass of water on his face and telling him to suck it up would be the correct thing, Sam's like, "Sam's got this!" goes and gets dressed, takes the keys, and leaves Dean passed out on the floor. In 1x19 he hit the horn to wake Dean up because serves you right.

(if he only went to a strip club he may have just made off with someone's underwear thrown on him for being a good tipper rather than actually having sex with anyone... I kinda doubt if he was THAT drunk he'd be more than a very generous customer they don't mind kicking him out at closing with a bra still on his head :P)

(I'm gonna assume Dean did not actually have sex but just went out and had some very drunk miserable fun and made a friend last night and now he's gonna be dependant on Sam for cash for a while until he can scrounge some back up :P)

Also, um, what is he holding when he rolls over? Is that a fun kinky times toy whip? Exactly what sort of place did he find last night, and please, for the love of god, tell me it was not the place Sam was diligently reading the reviews for between his fingers yesterday, apparently.

Listen say whatever you want about the fact he walked home holding it, if that boy had his tie tied around his eyes he was not the one holding it while he was having fun :P

I like Mike. He's a burly farm worker hefting hay outdoors in the sun, which makes him like 3 different directions of Cas parallel (the strong one in the dynamic, sun, hay), and also he was sensible enough not to be running around in a haunted house for youtube hits.

...

Look, at some point Cas hefted a bunch of hay out of the back of his truck and onto the side of the road and that happened in canon and no one ever mentioned it

thank you Yockey for acknowledging off-screen hay hefting.

Aw no he's lying because he's scared and Sam makes him tell the truth and it's that he WAS scared and he thinks not going to the house was cowardly, but now his friends are missing and hurt (so far as they know because Shaun getting killed overnight might not have made it to them yet)... He does tell the truth in the end. He's also in DEEP denial about their deaths.

Is that enough bacon, Dean.

No, no it is not.

Sam, you're gonna kill him if you give him more beer right now. Is he smuggling local ales to Dean?

I don't think I can actually watch Dean eat this entire pile of bacon with Dean's bad mood eating habits. This pause is just to procrastinate dealing with that.

Wait also the friend is called "Mike" which, uh... Michael? is a thing we should be more worried about? What happened to that guy anyway?

Man, we're 16 minutes in and where's Billie?

I feel like Dean being hung over for the rest of this case is probably not going to help with him getting caught and threatened with a drill by a regular old ghostie.

I'm snooping Sam's tablet before he delivers the cliff notes exposition, and aside from the creepy images at the top, including an old school newspaper article in the top image results that is illegibly small, but seems to have photos of the doc alive, the first and only legible article mentions a woman with depression who goes to the doc because she had depression because her son drowned... Which makes 2 son drowning deaths in 2 episodes, with the kid in 13x04 who killed his mom in the car. Also reminds me of 7x14 where when Dean confronts the guy behind all the nightmares, it's because his little brother drowned in the sea and he could never let go of that guilt.

I think drowning is the metaphor for depression here - people losing a part of themselves metaphoric to small son, who is overwhelmed in the water... Dean related to that loss and used it against the Plucky's guy, and that was in the slight turn around section of season 7 - the part where he began confronting the loss of Cas through mirrors because of course Cas was coming back. In season 13 the plan has been set in stone and can be done briefly and with HEAVY dramatic irony that we're all aware of because we only actually have 1 episode without Cas so far, even if 1 was his death and one was his waking up, he's surrounding Dean's grief in a layer of dramatic irony. Dean may be overwhelmed and drowning. We may have SEEN the memory of Cas drowning in the Empty, but it's all done with dramatic irony, that Cas is not lost to Dean but presumably finding his way back.

Dean had better not puke at the grieving mother's house after all that bacon and beer for breakfast after a hard night out.

I love the cut between Sam asking what happened in one scene and the woman saying "I don't know" in the next - there's some good thematic transitions I've noticed already, especially this way of skipping exposition here, but I liked Dean ringing the bell for the hotel and Shaun waking up screaming, because Dean was about to go out on his grief metaphor night out and for all I know get the sexy kind of drilled while Shaun was getting the unsexy kind... and then the cut to Dean's empty bed, because this is how bad his grief was hurting him.

(Also after Sam tried to control and placate Dean's grief, he resisted Sam's attempts to smother him but he still has been accepting the offers, and did eventually go out and get wasted and Sam had encouraged it - just Dean did it on his terms and without Sam, just his tacit approval that Sam wouldn't bitch about it.)

ALSO WOW AFTER 13 YEARS YOCKEY FINDS A WAY TO SUBTLY WORK IN THE COLD SPOTS FOR GHOSTS.

LOOK HOW INTELLIGENT THAT MAKES OUR BOYS LOOK WHEN THEY READ THE SUBTEXT OF A SCENE FROM A SURFACE READ OF SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT GHOSTS BUT IDENTIFIED THE SIGNS AND THE PEOPLE WHO KNEW WHAT TO LOOK FOR COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING WITHOUT HER SAYING IT AND NOW THEY KNOW EVERYTHING JUST FROM INFERRING IT

WOW

Night time and they go to the house and we're at 18 minutes in. I mean we have time for a jump scare, some bad shit to happen, and then the ad break before pt.2 of the episode.

Buzz buzz

"What's up, doc?"

*ad break*

*back to Dean getting drilled*

Sam saves him and on with pt.2 of the episode.

All the masks are back in place.

Oops, don't touch the masks. *horrible screaming from elsewhere in the house*

Well, except to burn them. Sensible to stay in the room, defend their turf, and get to the burning asap instead of poking around or investigating the screaming any more. 13 years and they have learned a fair amount about ghosts and I am admiring how competent they are. Sam especially has the lead here, probs because Dean is off his game by an enormous degree to him.

Ahahah and Sam did a round circle at the door so we see the doc get partway through the door, realise there's salt, and have to awkwardly back out of it to have a second go and honestly that is the funniest shit a ghost has ever done on this show even though it's also terrifying :P

*burn burn burn*

So rescue Shaun?

What can possibly happen next with nearly 20 minutes left

LIGHTS BLOWING DOWN A HALLL

Now they dealt with the advertised ghost I'm just waiting for Billie to show up, because they're about to be mobbed by a ton of ghosts and she can save their asses, or else... well idk I have to watch, but I'm just laughing because of lights blowing down a hall - 3 times already this season, for Jack, for Patience at least with them flickering rather than exploding like this...

These are all the whispers about the doctor which we heard in the cold open

I love the Winchesters running around shouting sensible ideas about what the ghosts are doing though.

Is this going to be Dean's torch everything solution?

YIKES, no, it's 4x15/11x17. BAD IDEA, DEAN. i can't believe he even carries a pre-prepared take me to the veil kit. Like, that's the reckless nothing to live for might as well die trying to do something dramatic toolkit. We also get shades of 11x16 with him doing that in a super haunted house.

You can NOT pass into the veil in a super haunted house with just your brother to watch over you and stop these 1000s of ghosts killing you.

Jesus Christ Dean.

Wait is he literally doing this

Sam is like FFUCKING HELL RIGHT HERE WITHOUT EVEN A SALT RING? ON THE FUCKING STAIRS UNDER THIS SYMBOLIC STAINED GLASS WINDOW THAT LIZZY DIDN'T ANALYSE EARLIER?

DEAAAAN

And yeah this is 2x01 all over again with Dean walking down the stairs trying to get the attention of a ghost.

Wait back up new reaper with a customer service calm grief counsellor voice, but what did she say her name was? :P

"Hello, my name is JESSICA and I'm here to lead you to your next life"

... well I hope she survives the episode just because I always root for the reapers and she's clearly just a random obstacle to Dean who is doing her job, a regular old part of the natural order, but that is not a name you use at random :P

I'm just sitting here running my hands through my hair trying to deal with this right now. Gonna play a few rounds of Pokemon shuffle because I sort of knew this was coming since they showed 5x15 and 2x01 in the opening recap, but the way Dean did it and then walking immediately into a Jessica? Yeah I need a mo.

Dean maybe never told Sam what he did in 11x17 because he didn't at the end of the episode and idk if that's one of those things you don't just bring up at the breakfast table.

JESSICA.

"Hi, I'm the spectre of the loss of the most important romantically loved loved one in your life, do you feel like moving on from them to the next thing"

"sorry I can't come to the phone"

YOCKEY I AM DISTRESSED.

Accidents don't happen accidentally.

"Oh god."

She knows what she's got herself into.

Sam takes 20 seconds to set his waych and sdakdfjgkl hang on who cares about Sam

WE'RE IN REAPER HQ

"Dean Winchester is the the veil!"

Please say this whole thing goes to red alert.

Where's his file. It it like 5000 times the size of all these little ones?

Sam put down enough salt for Dean but not himself.

I don't think that's ghosts blowing lights any more, I think that's emergency lightning from the cosmos.

SHAUN! Oh no, you're dead :(

At least he's talking again.

Generally the freshest ghosts are the more talkative ones, and as Bobby showed us back in 7x19 which I generally try not to remember or rely on for ghost lore, because the older ones are fading and falling into patterns and the fresher ones still have a stronger sense of self and their old life.

OH NO Shaun got possessed because of course that's how he got back here with the mask. I think we saw a smaller ghost in a t-shirt in some of the promo stuff, but I thought it was a kid, not a teenager.

"I miss my mom" he's on the other side of the grief from Jack, who misses his mom because he's alive and she's dead. The doc said he'd feel better and he froze and let him kill him. Also Kevin parallels just of a kid whose most important relationship is his mom and now he's dead.

Dean's thinking clearly for the first time in a while because he's not in his body. All soaked in alcohol and grief. He realises he let Shaun down by not being there to protect him. Which may have all happened this way in another episode, but that PB&J, man. It was a Kevin thing all along. (I SAID it was a Kevin thing and you all were like blah blah Cas blah blah Jack, look, don't doubt me on my Kevin knowledge, guys, I am still RAW about his death and it was 4 years ago :P) Dean's remembering in the middle of grief that it's "saving people hunting things" after he let Patience down with that speech. Or so I hope. They used Dean's speech over the open of the episode like in a season 1 episode they'd usually layer the more optimistic and simplistic "saving people hunting things" from Dean's like, second day on the job, not where he's all messed up and old.

Anyway Shaun is an emergency Kevin patched into his life to make him feel bad about failing people, and I guess that puts Dean at similar crossroads to the middle of season 9. Hopefully to a different end, just like this should be subverting 11x17 for why he just abruptly decided to cross into the veil, because Jessica is not having a good day :P

DEAN GOING INTO THE VEIL TO HELP LOST PEOPLE is doubling up the job of a reaper. Reapers CAN'T COMMUNICATE across the veil to the living, and don't wanna solve the cases. They come to move on the one person with a ticket upstairs in a house full of hundreds of ghosts and just ignore them... Dean actively dives into their turf to solve the case and find out how to move the souls on. He SAYS he wants to help move the souls on.

I have such a huge love of Dean blurring the lines with being Death, and being a reaper. It's just such a symbolic thing. Their job is moving people on, basically handing souls to the reapers to carry on the job, when it's ghost cases. They're the human agents of the reapers breaking the ties that hold ghosts to the earth so that the whole process can carry on and the world doesn't fill up with ghosts - like it did when the veil was broken. (or is it still? Again, the whole Kevin thing not quiiiite answered, although maybe/maybe not that was a sign Chuck was fixing the thing... But then there were a whole bunch of souls Billie for for them out of the veil like 2 episodes later...)

Reaper lore is fucked up on this show :P But Reaper HQ just in the first glimpse looked aaaawfuully empty adjacent...

I'm guessing even though Dean's got back with the info he needs, and Sam's about to wake him up because the clock ran out, the reapers are going to intervene...

WAKEY WAKEY DEAN

Oh look Billie's back.

"Hey Dean"

I haven't been this happy in about 1000 years. Like seriously Cas getting back was great and all but HOLY SHIT have you seen Billie? I would set this as my desktop immediately but my mum and Cat are both gonna have to watch this episode with me and probably see my desktop in the process, so... Saving a screencap for later ;)

This is literally the best thing.

LOOK AT HER.

LOOK AT THAT SCYTHE. HOLY SHIIIT THAT SCYTHE.

Billie's understated attitude is just *clenches fist*

She just shows up!! LOoking LIKE THIS!!!!

I don't even wanna hit play, I don't wanna move past this point, I just want to bask in this one image forever.

THE COAT. NO one has shown up in a floor length leather coat in the entire show so far, because no one has been good enough for it.

"We need to talk" Yeah no shit babe.

LOL getting right to it - Dean like, Cas killed you. Billie like, "how's that working out for him?" - does she know? Either way, she's rubbing it in. Because of course she has eeeevery right to be pissed. :P

UTTER GLEE.

I have a sudden feeling... Billie says, "certain rules - after you kill one "incarnation" of Death" (Hey 1000 points to trisscar) "another one takes its place" and dude.

Death died and within 10 seconds Billie was singing "o Death" and following the Winchesters around, annoying them, making deals with them, making ultimatums with them... Like, the reapers aren't exactly itching to kill EACH OTHER and promote someone, and I guess just one biting the bullet and taking one for the team doesn't work... But this suddenly explains EVERYTHING about Billie getting all up in the business of the people who basically fuck up every deal and ally they make and hanging out with them... doesn't give you much of a life span.

Back in 12x06, Billie taunted Dean, made fun of him for not getting what he wants, and said she wanted something from him. Came to Mary and said she was there to reap her when she was ready. She LET Dean make another deal, a deal where one of his family would have to die, or he himself do it. In a car full of Winchesters, one of them is gonna take one for the team, or ruin everything and kill the reaper who's been bothering them, holds so much over them...

I'm thinking very hard about changes of state right now - that Billie and Cas had mirrored deaths, and Billie came back improved, and Cas... Well, we don't know how he came back except he's been put on a better path, for his character narrative, in confronting and overcoming the symbolic depression, and he has a better coat. Not much to go on yet, and I haven't been participating in the wild flailing about all the ways he MAY have come back different, but this makes a veeery interesting mirror about returns and changes of state, upgrades after death. Now I'm interested in what may have happened to Cas.

But, like, to a magnitude of difference to how utterly delighted I am that Billie won the game :P

But yeah this is a bit of a lore fudge but who caaaares because it brings Billie back and powers her up and makes her into THE BEST CHARACTER ON THE SHOW IN A TOTALLY INARGUABLE WAY.

I love her new ring :P

"This universe can be so many things, and sometimes it is poetic."

Hell yeah it is Billie. I've been saying so for ages, but this really puts it in such a beautiful way. This is Dabb's entire job. He makes this universe *rhyme* with itself. This is what his mirrors and parallels and character repeats have been doing. I even compared scene transitions in 13x03 to the way poetry ends each line in a verse. It's something all the writers have been doing - making the story rhyme.

Gaaaaah. THIS is Dabb's writer meta commentary, perhaps. I think I can trust Yockey to spell it out this way :D

She took him to Reaper HQ!!! Like Cas he's passing through states - I assume he'll be back in time to finish the hunt, but in the mean time... He's got to work through some shit, just like Cas did last episode. Rhyming with each other.

Dean is wearing a black and grey plaid with thin red lines, and a black jacket. He's bringing like the only colour here to all the blackness.

yeah, Billie, keep the scythe away from him.

I love she set her desk up in the W section because even though it's not the middle of the alphabet, she's keeping a CLOSE FREAKING EYE on the Winchesters.

Ooh she knows Dean went to the AU... She's interested in Jack. Dean's chance to protect him!!!???

Billie looks INCREDIBLE how did I ever let myself talk myself into doubting she was here to run the game?

wait shit Dean's doing epic character stuff. Not bargaining with his life, or asking for Mary or Cas back. He just wants to complete the job and free the ghosts because freakin sshdfkjsjlks PB&J brought him back to his senses and he needs to save Kevin-stand-in rather than let him wallow in the veil for 3 seasons again

THAT is one heck of a thing, Dean. I love you so much

not as much as billie but it was a beautiful character moment

Billie is STUNNED.

Jessica gets to take all the ghosts back. She thought this was going to be a terrible day and it actually worked out.

Again, with like 10 minutes left of the episode so this isn't how it ends.

Now Dean's talking about trust, and Billie brings up how they keep breaking cosmic bargains. I think he may be stalling - even planning to NOT give up Jack even though Billie went first... Or he's gonna tell her but... Natural order? She can't just go... kill him...

If Dean's still uncertain about Jack he could always make a query about IF she could kill him, but not give away enough, or have her as the weapon in his back pocket should Jack be a problem... something for him to regret later, maybe?

This is stressful

Dean spills. "Lucifer's son. Jack. When he was born it created a little rip."

What does Billie know about the AU?

Well she knows how the multiverse works, and she knows a "big dumb Winchester" is fairly statistically likely to be the one to knock it all down.

The warning not to try and get Mary back? Now Cas is back? The consequences may still be on Mary, however she's returned to them, intentionally or not, she could topple it?

Ugh I hate spec but all these lines are so leading :P The comment that Sam's plans don't work out, in this light, for example, is realllly nerve-wracking. And we know from spoilers the AU is going to become a more immediate problem at some point...

"That does sound like us."

"You've changed." Billie reading Dean deeply and now we get to the character part of this where she's just... analysing him.

"The Dean I know and love" look I'm die hard Destiel to the bone but Dean x Death is something I've always thought the dynamic for was absolutely stunning since their first meeting, and I hate to say it but making Death into Billie is making it aaawfully tempting to ship :P

Please show him his massive folders.

She's currently just calling him out on how bad he feels. Pure awful character exposition.

"I don't matter." OH DEAN NO.

He and Cas totally rhyming with each other about their passing through these dark other worlds...

Dean couldn't save mom, he couldn't save Cas, he can't even save this kid... But he already saved the kid with that bargain with Billie, and Cas is... out there somewhere. And Mary is a whole other problem and the one he can't solve right now. If she's alive, she's on the other side of a wobbling house of cards he can't touch. But the difference in the way he gets finality on Mary vs the finality on Cas? 13x01 vs this episode as Dean slides from dealing with Cas to dealing with Mary? Getting this blunt exposition from Billie about it...

I think Billie would have thought it was funny to show Dean his file, but then realised because he's changed she needs a different approach to intimidate and interrogate him. She sees that he doesn't feel like a hero any more, not the guy who saves the world. All his crushing losses have made him feel like he's still utterly helpless to make anything good happen in his own life.

And Dean can't work through it, won't work through it, and he knows it - this is the thing that has broken him hardest... That at this point there will be NO recovery except the story handing back Cas to him, and even then that's one hell of a shake to what he believes he can accomplish... If they wanted to scare him back down from "i kill gods" Dean who then went and killed Death too, to show him the universe his huge, and keeps on ticking and his actions have put Billie in charge and the natural order keeps on ticking... But he still can't get mom and Cas back...

I am literally sitting in that room in Alice in Wonderland where she's floating around on her tears.

I mean in my head, anyway :P

My heart is broken.

Billie's "don't you?" though when Dean says he doesn't matter... I wonder what she knows that Dean doesn't :P

But Dean starts ranting to her about how Sam's been trying to help and he's useless... :(

"You really believe that. You want to die." Well, yeah the universe has become a crushing hard place where no one makes sense and Dean doesn't even believe in the blaze of glory death, doing something HEROIC now, let alone not believing in it because he thinks he deserves better and a happy ending at the end of this all...

Lowest point, unlocked! \o/

Oh, ALL those notebooks are his individual deaths... How he dies. "heart attack. burned by a red-haired witch" HEY ROWENA

Are they potential deaths or ones still looming over him, disappearing as he passes those marks? Or are they his entire history of deaths not died?

"Unfortunately, none of these books say you die today"

....

So are they potential future deaths or what?

I mean, Billie just introduced hope to his life.

"I stand witness to a much larger picture" they could not have picked a better character to be Death. She has such DEPTH and WEIGHT to the way she speaks, and such an amazing calm, powerful aura of energy. I just love her so so much.

OH GOSH this camera angle with the scythe in the background behind Dean's face... Gotta save and remember to add that to this, because after telling him all the ways he dies, Billie moves onto his big picture cosmic weight. That he's important. And Dean has the scythe symbolically pointing at him as she talks, telling him he's at those crossroads of life and death but not today... Is this going to be a burden like the one Chuck laid on him, or Billie reminding him that a heroic life is not such a bad thing?

I really think this is one of the best episodes of the show and I got a few minutes left of it and don't know how this resolves :P

SHE IS LITERALLY giving him the 4x01 Cas speech - "you have work to do" and telling him he's important, telling him he deserves to live... Kinda still like I hate you but you're important, and setting aside past grudges. There's more for him to do.

"And trust me, having my eyes opened to the importance of any humans, especially Winchesters, is not a thrill." HA. yeah, she's an anti-Cas but she and Cas are literally bouncing off each other in the story anyway since he stabbed her and then got stabbed himself in turn.

Rhymes. Rules. Reason. Billie is the best character on the show and I love her.

"So, you wanna die, but I say, keep living." "Hmm."

This is NOT the same as what happened with Cas - but he may not remember it - but it works in sort of mirrored ways. Cas utterly defeats the Empty with his will to live, may not remember it, and may have to piece his newfound will to live together himself in this new hopeful return to life. I hope. Dean has no will to live, and orders of work and purpose are just the way his life goes, the orders endlessly being placed on his head by every cosmically powerful figure... God, Death that time in 6x11, Billie now, JOHN every day of his life from aged 4 to 27 and then one final order to haunt Dean to his first grave...

"I need to know. My mom" *wakey wakey*

Oh, and there's the so far missing hope. She can't lie to him and say Mary's dead, so she cuts him off in indecision and uncertainty, and THAT, unfortunately, is a massive step up from where he was in total despair that there is no one he can save...

And Cas may very well be back in his life to give him the hope that it can be done again by the end of this episode... Aaaaaaaaaaaah.

Anyway Dean goes wakey wakey at last and the house seems to be wrapped up, yay.

there's exactly 5 minutes left, which is always the omen. :P

Sam comforts Shaun's mom, and wanders through the scene, looking small in the chaos, to rejoin Dean at the car.

And like in 11x17 Dean lies again.

Sam is too smart for that, chases it up when Dean tries to brush it off as luck, and says that when Dean says they talk about it later, it means they won't talk about it and it's Dean's way of shutting off a conversation from ever happening...

Sam calling out their communication issues? I am LIVING

Dean glances at the mom, and is reminded that they do this job for a reason, that he bargained to save the souls of the children... Sold out the info about Jack for it...

"I saw Death. The Death."

*Sam does the eyebrows*

"He's dead"

"No she's not"

*EYEBROWS*

"it's billie"

And Dean goes on to even say that she wanted intel, and does Sam pick up on it?

... no he doesn't. He doens't ask or guess what it was...

Dean repeats the line about work to do, which is also, especially in the context of Sam and Dean talking, what they say in instances like for example 2x22 when Dean had just sold his soul for Sam, when they're about to go back to work with their regular job. The open the trunk of the car and look at their gear and announce they're going to go kick ass phrase. (Which, of course, in 4x01, Cas was subverting the context by saying it to Dean away from Sam, putting the burden on him - Billie at least made it about Sam and Dean both but that she was talking to Dean)

But they're sitting on the back of the car, keeping the trunk closed... Not moving on

And Dean starts talking about how he's not okay.

And how he always believed in what they did - saving people hunting things - that losing John or Bobby or people they cared about was a hit he could take for the higher purpose. Billie has just REMINDED him that he is bound to a higher purpose. But he's so lost, and he's lost people who he CAN'T lose. Mary and Cas at once is just TOO MUCH. It makes the universe cruel not poetic...

(I say, having it paused here but knowing Misha's in the credits again as an awful TEASE :P)

He just needs a WIN.

And he may just get one because he told 90% of the truth to Sam, conveyed exactly what was going on behind that line about not believing in anything from last episode, the power of which narratively brought back Cas because that was a huge step in his grief arc, to admit it. Now he's explaining it, telling Sam how badly it's all got to him...

Oh god where is Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.

They're driving off and there's music, which... agh.

drive drive drive sexy car

Omg we're going back to the house... More grief on the mom for her son... Just really WALLOWING in how much loss hurts everyone, and even when the soul has moved on, that Dean got a win for their knowledge of the afterlife, that they know ghosts can go to a better place, the mom doesn't, she has lost Shaun and that's it for her. No closure, just pain.

drive drive drive

Billie reading Dean's book

I think Billie really has a huge interest in Dean... :P

drive drive drive... Okay so Yockey is the new Robbie montage guy.

Also Sam is asleep while Dean drives - this seems to parallel 12x20 where he was asleep and Dean checked his messages from Mary...

Bring bring?

BRING BRING.

Called that like a boss :3

WHAT, NO "HELLO DEAN" ON THE PHONE?

FUCK YOU YOCKEY I TAKE IT ALL BACK I HATE THIS ENTIRE EPISODE

I mean there probably was one under the music if that was Cas...

Well this alley has that cross from 11x06, aka the start of Cas's depression arc, the one where Metatron was teasing him about a real life angel on camera...

drive drive drive

Cross reflected in the car

Hey, bison sign

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Has he just been waiting at that phonebox for hours.

I'll just wait here then... I'll wait for you...

Well that got fucking tied up with a fucking bow, from all the left over crap Robbie left lying around.

God I don't even have anything to say... Cas waited. For Dean. Like the love ballad warned he would. Because he's Dean's real life angel, and Dean's win. It was FOR Dean. Dean's arc narratively brought Cas back into his life, but on Cas's side of the story they fully fleshed out the end of his depression arc and made Cas bring himself back on his own terms so it doesn't shove Cas into a subheading for Dean even when the bigger story is handing Cas on a plate back to Dean...

And that, my friends, was one hell of a fun game :P

#13x05 #season 13 spoilers #suicide mention cw #yockey fanclub #holy shit this episode was wish fulfilment of the highest order #Sometimes it is poetic #my stuff

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paulisded · 4 years

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Live Ledge #406: Best Albums of 2019

This was another great year in music. So great, in fact, that many hours were spent narrowing down the year's release into the standard Ledge format of the 40 best albums of the year. In particular, it was a year that really saw a resurgence in anthemic power pop. It was also a year that saw a number of psych-rock bands so widely expand their sound and songwriting that a two-record set was necessary. Here's my list, and look for another similar post featuring the great reissue and box sets of the year.

1. Mikal Cronin, Seeker. Every year there is a record or two that deserves to find an audience outside of its typical subgenre. This year it’s the latest by Mikal Cronin, a stunning record that retains the psych-rock template of his past yet showcases a giant leap in songwriting. This record should be all over mainstream rock radio.

2. Bob Mould, Sunshine Rock. After a handful of records featuring dark, ferocious rock closer to his Husker Du days than his more poppy records with Sugar, Mould’s latest finds him possibly as close to happy as we’ve ever seen him. Ok, maybe happy is too strong of a word. Whatever it is the attitude is different, although still accompanied by his trademark buzzsaw guitars.

3. Pernice Brothers, Spread the Feeling. The most welcome comeback of the year. Every band featuring Joe Pernice seemed to acknowledge one major influence missing from most Americana bands and that’s his love of ‘80’s college rock. Just imagine a country-tinged power pop band that clearly loves Echo & The Bunnymen, The Smiths, and Lloyd Cole.

4. The Muffs, No Holiday. Such a tragedy. Two years ago, Muffs leader Kim Shattuck suddenly found herself unable to grip a guitar. It turned out to be ALS. Determined to finish one last album she gave all she could even as she quickly deteriorated from the disease. Eventually she was leading recording sessions while connected to a breathing tube. Sadly, she died less than two weeks before the release of one of the band’s best albums.

5. Purple Mountains, Purple Mountains. Purple Mountains was David Berman’s first project since the demise of Silver Jews in 2019, and it was a stunning display of his quirky songwriting skills. Unfortunately, the personal demons that had always been present in his art turned his big comeback into a tragedy, as he took his life just weeks after the record was released to glowing reviews.

6. The Resonars, No Exit. In a year that saw power pop rediscover its balls, The Resonars proved they always had their share of testicular fortitude. And it’s all the work of one man, Matt Rendon, who has over the last two decades created six albums of this sort of catchy but raucous power pop.

7. Kiwi Jr., Football Money. Power pop’s closest relative just has to be jangle pop, and both genres are at its best when the songwriting is as catchy as a late ‘70’s Nick Lowe single. There’s hooks galore on this Toronto band’s debut release.

8. Wand, Laughing Matter. There’s always been a bit of a fine line between psych and prog, and those lines have definitely narrowed in today’s crop of prog-rockers. One proof is the return of the double album, which every psych band seemed to release in 2019. The strongest record of that sort may have to be Wand’s fifth record, which succeeds by actually stripping back their sound a bit.

9. Wreckless Eric, Transience. It’s been a real treat to see the resurgence of Eric Goulden in the last few years, as album after album have ranked as his best ever. The latest sort of comes closest to his solo performances, as he lays tracks and tracks of both clean and enhanced acoustic and electric guitars over backing tracks laid down by Amy Rigby, Cheap Trick’s Tom Petersson, jazz horn player Artie Barbato, and The Rumour’s Steve Goulding.

10. Tim Presley’s White Fence, I Have To Feed Larry’s Hawk. Presley reportedly spent four years recording what may be the masterpiece of his career. How to describe the finished product is not easy, though, as various influences and sounds flow in and out of each and every track, yet there is an intimacy here that makes it feel like Presley just whipped up this musical cocktail in one long, intense evening.

11. The Cowboys, The Bottom Of A Rotten Flower. Good old punk-influenced straight up rock and roll. Nothing more, nothing less. And when it’s as good and as catchy as this it doesn’t need to be anything else.

12. Twin Peaks, Lookout Low. Five years ago, this Chicago-based band’s fabulous record Wild Onion was described by one of the band members as heavily influenced by Exile On Main Street. This record’s classic rock influence appears to be the first two records by The Band. That’s not to say they sound anything like either the Stones or The Band. No, in this case there is a laid back feel to their guitar-based indie rock that feels as if it’s straight out of a Woodstock basement.

13. The Dates, Ask Again Later. Garrett Goddard has been a member of a number of bands over the years, including King Tuff, Personal and the Pizzas, and The Cuts. His first record heading The Dates may have just topped anything else he’s ever worked on in the past. The melodies and hooks just melt in your ears, and the musical accompaniment throws The Byrds, Big Star, Shoes, Smithereens and seemingly a dozen other bands into the greatest blender ever invented.

14. Wilco, Ode To Joy. After Tweedy’s pair of solo acoustic records, I think I was ready for a full blown rock and roll Wilco album. It has been a while, right? Unfortunately, Ode To Joy comes off as a full band version of those solo records. Don’t get me wrong. It’s good. It’s very good. It just wasn’t what I needed from a 2019 Wilco album.

15. Guided By Voices, Zeppelin Over China. Another year, another trio of Guided By Voices records. Their second wind as a band has been nothing but stunning, as evidenced by this double album of almost nothing but anthems.

16. Tijuana Panthers, Carpet Denim. Every year there seems to be a new band that showcases elements of surf rock in their punk-influenced lo-fi garage sounds. What a shocker to find out that this is their sixth album! What sets them apart from others like them, besides the strength of their songwriting, is the ocassional elements of doo wop harmonies. Who knew that The Buzzcocks and Dion could co-exist in the same song?

17. Peter Perrett, Humanworld. After no new tunes for over 25 years, we now have two records in three years by the former leader of The Only Ones! Like 2017’s How The West Was One this record succeeds simply because Perrett isn’t trying to recreate the glory days, nor is he attempting to jump on current trends. Instead he accomplishes what real artists do, which is to create a sound that fits the song.

18. Frankie and the Witch Fingers, ZAM. Another great psych rock double album that incorporates and combines all sorts of atypical influences, including kraut, prog, and even a little funk.

19. Sweet Things, In Borrowed Shoes, On Borrowed Time. It may be hard to find a more varied rock and roll album than this debut record, as it jumps around from blues to soul to country to glam rock. There’s cameos by Alejandro Escovedo and members of The Uptown Horns. It’s the most ambitious trashy garage rock record I’ve heard in quite some time.

20. Cherry Pickles, Will Harden Your Nipples. As their bandcamp states, “one guitar, two drums, the basement band you always wanted to start”. This trio proudly combines all sorts of “outsider art” into a minimalistic sound that would certainly impress the namesake of the record’s best song “I Still Miss Lux”.

21. Ty Segall, First Taste. The prolific singer/guitarist was a bit quiet this year, actually. Well, for Segall a quiet year is one that only features a studio album, a live album, and a box set of outtakes. What makes his only new record of the year stand out is that there reportedly is not a guitar to be found on it! No, it’s not a synth-pop record. In fact, it ultimately isn’t that much different than what we’re used to hearing.

22. Pale Lips, After Dark. Gotta love snotty, hook-driven garage-punk that’s clearly inspired by major doses of The Muffs and The Ramones mixed with spoonfuls of surf and Spector-era girl groups.

23. The Darts, I Like You But Not Like That. This record was not what I expected. At all. Who would have predicted that Alternative Tentacles would put out such a sexy collection of horror-punk?

24. CTMF, Last Punk Standing. Nobody has so proudly hosted the flag of ‘60’s garage-punk as Wild Billy Childish. Well, “proud” is probably not the correct word to use, as Childish is as cantankerous as The Fall’s Mark E. Smith. Yet he consistently puts out records full of simple yet catchy guitar anthems, and this one is no exception.

25. Jordan Jones, Jordan Jones. What happens when you take the pop/rock highlights of ‘70’s AM radio and ramp it up a bit with power pop energy? You get this wonderful debut record.

26. The Mystery Lights, Too Much Tension! A melting pot of different styles rarely mesh well, but this New York band’s second album somehow manages to roll in and out of genres. A synth track leads into a homage to the Stooges which is then followed by a ‘60’ dance party. How do they get away with it?

27. Juliana Hatfield, Weird. It’s only fitting that an album dominated by a theme of being a lonely introvert would be created by one artist playing almost every instrument. That’s the case of the latest Hatfield collection of originals, and it’s one of the best of her career.

28. Kevin Morby, Oh My God. Rolling Stone recently described the Kansas City native as a “secular guy with a spiritual side”, and that’s never been more evident than on his fifth album. RS goes on to compare this record to Dylan’s gospel years but it’s actually more similar to a record like New Morning, where Biblical imagery is referenced but not necessarily the main topic.

29. Drahla, Useless Coordinates. Post-punk also made a comeback this year, and one of the best purveyors of that sound is this trio of Wire fanatics. And like Wire there’s a bit of a ferocity in this record that’s missing in much of their post-punk cohorts.

30. Gino and the Goons, Do The Get Around. Take Chuck Berry, The Sonics, Motorhead, The Ramones, The Stooges and a few other “rawk’ legends and toss them into a blender and you get the dirty sound that Gino and the Goons have mastered over the course of five records. You know what you’re getting from these guys, but they always deliver.

31. Young Guv, Guv I & II. The side project of Fucked Up guitarist Ben Cook could be described as a lo-fi tribute to bands such as Big Star and Teenage Fanclub. But then out of the blue comes a synth tune that’s almost danceable. It’s just part of the charm of this double record.

32. Ravi Shavi, Blackout Deluxe. Some records are sleepers. They don’t work the first time you hear them. They may not even work on the fourth or fifth airing. Then suddenly you can’t stop listening. That’s the case with this new wave-influenced, Prince-obsessed, garage rock group.

33. ATOM, In Every Dream Home. Just like the previous record, ATOM didn’t work for me at first. Then suddenly I had to race to the stereo to crank up the volume. What changed? Well,it helps when the musicians are Australian indie rock heavy weights led by Crime and the City Solution’s Harry Howard.

34. Geoff Palmer, Pulling Out All The Stops/Brad Marino, Extra Credit. (Tie) I can’t possibly vote for one of these records to be higher than the other. The pair both were members of the The Connection and The New Trocaderos. Both of them are veteran power pop performers who have written more than their share of catchy tunes. And both may have put out the records of their careers.

36. Honey Radar, Ruby Puff Of Dust.. A lot of reviews of this Philly band compare them to Guided By Voices, but I honestly don’t understand why. Yet it’s what made me check them out, and I do appreciate their fuzzy psych-rock sound.

37. Titus Andronicus, An Obelisk. Produced by Bob Mould and recorded at Steve Albini’s Chicago studio, Titus’ sixth album is their most straight ahead to date, although as always leader Patrick Stickles’ lyrics are open to interpretation.

38. The Dream Syndicate, These Times. While most band reunions never result in worthwhile albums (or any new music at all), there are instances where the second run rivals the first. That’s the case with these leaders of the mid-’80’s “Paisley Underground”, and it’s mainly because they refuse to just rest on their laurels.

39. Jesse Malin, Sunset Kids. The teaming of Malin with Lucinda Williams may seem like a head scratcher, but it actually works! Not only does Williams produce the album, she duets with him on a handful of the album’s tracks. The end results may be quieter than a typical Malin album but the tunes are also as strong as a typical Malin album.

40. More Kicks, More Kicks. Haven’t I said that this was a year for great power pop? Here’s another one. This time it’s a UK group, and like the others I’ve highlighted there’s nothing wimpy here. It’s pop music that absolutely rocks.

After listening, please go purchase those tracks you enjoy! You can find this show at almost any podcast site, including iTunes and Stitcher...or

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE SHOW!

Note: Tracks from the albums listed above were presented in reverse "Casey Kasem countdown" order. In two instances (Darts/Pale Lips and The Muffs/Purple Mountains), songs were erroneously flipped in error. I apologize for this mistake.

1. More Kicks, I'm on the Brink

2. Jesse Malin, Room 13

3. The Dream Syndicate, Bullet Holes

4. Titus Andronicus, Troubleman Unlimited

5. Honey Radar, Cornflake ESP

6. Brad Marino, Broken Record Baby

7. Geoff Palmer, All The Hits

8. ATOM, No Future

9. Ravi Shavi, Riding High

10. Young Guv, She's A Fantasy

11. Gino And The Goons, Pills In MY Pocket

12. Drahla, Gilded Cloud

13. Kevin Morby, OMG Rock n Roll

14. Juliana Hatfield, Staying In

15. The Mystery Lights, I'm So Tired (of Living In The City)

16. Jordan Jones, Rumors Girls

17. CTMF, You're the One I Idolise

18. Pale Lips, Some Sort Of Rock n' Roll

19. The Darts, Don't Hold My Hand

20. Ty Segall, Taste

21. Cherry Pickles, I Still Miss Lux

22. The Sweet Things, Dead or Worse

23. Frankie and the Witch Fingers, Purple Velvet

24. Peter Perrett, Love Comes On Silent Feet

25. Tijuana Panthers, Path of Totality

26. Guided by Voices, Your Lights Are Out

27. Wilco, Everyone Hides

28. The Dates, pictures with rene

29. Twin Peaks, Laid In Gold

30. The Cowboys, Female Behavior Book

31. White Fence, I Love You

32. Wreckless Eric, Strange Locomotion

33. Wand, Walkie Talkie

34. Kiwi jr., Murder in the Cathedral

35. The Resonars, The Man Who Does Nothing

36. The Muffs, No Holiday

37. Purple Mountains, That's Just the Way That I Feel

38. Pernice Brothers, Mint Condition

39. Bob Mould, Sunshine Rock

40. Mikal Cronin, I've Got Reason

#scott hudson #live ledge #realpunkradio #best albums of 2019 #indie #garage #punk #psych

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