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plus-size-reader · 1 year

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The Dark

Nick Clark x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 2737 words

Warnings: none

Summary: Struggling to adjust to the sheer normalcy of life on Broke Jaw Ranch after being on the road.

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The adjustment to the Ranch was proving to be far harder for you than you would have expected.

It was a perfectly nice place and there was no reason that it shouldn’t have been the greatest thing that had happened to you since the fall of the world.

Other than the fact that everything about it just seemed off.

You had been looking over your shoulder for so long, constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, that being in a house again just made you feel like a caged animal.

It was strange how things like that could change in an instant. How something you had once done every day without thought, that made you feel so comfortable, now was nearly enough to make you crawl out of your skin.

It felt wrong.

No matter what you did, you just couldn’t seem to come to terms with the way it felt. You were uncomfortable, finding yourself more and more uneasy as the days went by, instead of settling in like the others.

This was just the way the world was now and you had to get used to that. The trouble was that you just couldn’t be sure if this was the new normal or not.

You couldn’t trust that this was what it was and that it wasn’t going to change at a moment's notice.

After all, this used to be the norm and just as quickly as it had gone away, it was back. It was only natural that you struggled a bit in the interim.

For example, you had just finished your first real shower in years, during which you had scrubbed what felt like a lifetime of dirt and grime from your flesh. It felt raw once you’d finished, but that wasn’t the strangest part.

The strangest part by far was the coconut shampoo you found already waiting for you in the cabin you’d been given, fully stocked with anything you or the Clarks could have ever needed.

It was insane to smell like a tropical oasis after so much time.

It was wrong.

To even think about it was too much for you to comprehend and in some ways, it may have even scared you. It was too normal and too mundane for you to be able to relax, even though every fiber of your being was begging you to.

After all, you were physically and mentally exhausted. It was just that the idea of getting too comfortable here constantly plagued your mind, and that paranoia of no longer being prepared for the outside world was daunting.

Paralyzing.

Still, you did your very best to avoid letting anyone in your group know just how much you were struggling with this.

There was nothing they could do to help, and even if they could, it wasn’t as if you were alone in your distrust. Everyone here was feeling the familiar strangling sensation of normalcy, threatening to choke the life out of you all if you let it.

So, you kept up a brave face and didn’t say anything.

For the most part, it worked well. You did everything you could to keep your mind off of the strange nature of it all, cleaning and recleaning your handgun and keeping a constant eye out for any signs of compromise in the fence.

Anything to keep your wits about you.

Though, no matter what you did, everything seemed to change when the sun went down.

All of that paranoia and fear got worse when you couldn’t rely on the daylight to keep your composure. Even something as simple as a stray beam of light across the wall made you panic, with everything registering as a threat.

It was as if you couldn’t turn those reflexes off, regardless of how hard you tried.

What you didn’t realize was that you weren’t alone in your anxiety and there was another in your group, staring out into the darkness, unable to even consider sleep.

Across the room, right now, Nick was staring up at the same shadows dancing along the ceiling as you were, considering each one carefully.

As if there was some secret held within them that he couldn’t quite make out.

This went on for a while longer before eventually, Nick decided that he’d had enough of trying to sleep in the bunk he’d been given and made his way, as quietly as he could, outside.

Anything would have been better than trying to sleep, knowing he couldn’t have been farther from getting any rest.

At least outside, he could see any threats coming, instead of just waiting for them to catch him when he turned his back.

Nick was quiet.

All things considered, you were sure that no one else knew that he was even awake, but between the creaking of the door on its hinges and the fact he walked heavily on his feet, you couldn’t have hoped to miss it.

Not when you’d been awake for hours.

So, you did the only thing you could think to do. You got up as quietly as you could, your bare feet padding on the wood floors in a cadence all their own.

Past where Madison and Alicia were fast asleep in their own beds until finally, you found yourself on the front porch.

In the short time, it had taken you to catch up to him, Nick was already standing on the porch, a lit cigarette held between his lips as he stared out into the desert beyond the walls.

Obviously, you two were having the same problem.

“Can’t sleep?” you called, only briefly contemplating going back inside to suffer alone before deciding against that. For all you knew, Nick was coming out here to have some alone time and you were just going to be a bother.

…but, considering the very thought of going back in there now filled that pit in your stomach with dread, so you continued on your way, only stopping when you reached the banister.

You figured being with him would be better than being alone, even in the unlikely event he didn’t feel like talking.

“Nope. What about you? You doing okay?” Nick hummed, casually looking over your face, lit up only by the light of the moon, searching for any signs of distress or upset.

It seemed obvious to him that you wouldn't have come out here if you didn’t need or want something, but it also wasn’t like you to just show up out of the blue either, not without a reason.

Not in the middle of the night.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just not sure about this yet” you shrugged, doing your very best to keep calm. It freaked you out, and you couldn’t help but be upset. Though, you knew you didn’t need to try too hard to put it into words.

You never did with Nick.

No matter what you were feeling, he always understood where you were coming from.

There was silence for a few more moments, as you sat down on the porch steps. The wood was a bit cool when compared to the warmth of your blankets, but it didn’t bother you. Even after the scorching sun had faded away, some of its warmth remained.

“Yeah, I know the feeling” the male agreed, sitting down beside you with a small huff, exhaling the breath of his cigarette into the air around you.

On anyone else, it may have been unwelcome but after all this time, it was a scent you had grown to associate with Nick.

At times like this, you weren’t above admitting that it made you feel a bit safer than you would have without it, like a security blanket.

“What about you? What’s on your mind? You wouldn’t be up if something wasn’t bothering you” you asked, speaking softly to keep from waking anyone else up.

You recognized that look on his face.

It was the look that you’d all worn at one point or another during all of this and even in the dim moonlight, it was clear as day. You couldn’t have missed it even if you tried, because that was what this living nightmare did to people.

It was unavoidable, even for someone like Nick.

“Just like you said, couldn’t sleep, plus I needed a smoke” he shrugged again, not really ready to get into the whole existential crisis thing with you in the middle of the night.

Not that you were ready to just blindly accept that either.

The truth was, it was clear that Nick wasn’t telling you everything, which was odd for him.

The two of you had never really had trouble communicating with one another. If anything, you had a sort of silent understanding that you were on the same page, and you had never needed anything more than that.

…but tonight, you needed more.

Tonight, you needed to know he was here, and that he wasn’t going anywhere. Really, all you wanted to hear was his voice, and it wouldn’t matter what he said.

As long as he was talking.

“Tell me” you prompted, hoping that by some miracle, Nick could somehow drown out the noise in your head, even if for just a moment. “Talk to me”

That was all it took.

For Nick, permission to take up space was all he needed, and as soon as he had it, you found just a bit of the solace you’d been searching for.

“It’s the dark, right? It makes it all worse, feels like the ground could fall out from under you at any second,” he decided, more smoke billowing from between his lips and dissipating somewhere above you both.

You could only nod in reply, not even attempting to come up with some kind of response. That was it.

You already felt out of place here, like a fish out of water, but in the dark, you felt powerless.

“Like you’re all alone in the world, and everything is out to get you the moment you close your eyes” you allowed, recalling the way it made you feel, each and every night the sun fell from the sky.

For people like you and Nick, it had always been there, but now the rest of the world was feeling it too.

It really was over, and it was hard not to feel hopeless about it.

Normally, Nick didn’t know how to put the feelings into words, and he certainly didn’t want you to think he was too weak to handle what his mother seemed to consider a blessing. It was bad enough that she thought he was a burden, he couldn’t take it from you too.

…but, you got it. You had always seen him, for who he was, even when he didn’t know who that was.

This was a good thing.

This place, it was good for you to be here.

Realistically, he knew that, just as you did. Coming to terms with the benefit of living here wasn’t the hard part, it was actually doing it every day.

It was being able to do it without going out of your head.

“So, what are we supposed to do about it?” His words came all at once, a bit rough and just as pointed as always, though they died off softer than they normally would have on his lips.

There had to be something you could do, something that you both could do to make this whole thing a little easier.

Right?

Eventually, you were bound to get used to this and you were sure you would, but in the meantime, you still needed to sleep.

Navigating this world, dead on your feet, would only make everything worse.

“I don’t know. I guess we live…as hard as it is” you decided, taking the cigarette as he offered it now, letting the smoke warm you from the inside out.

It was weak, a bandage at best, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if it was a lie or was far-fetched; it was the best you could do and it would have to do.

For now.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t have to be alright overnight”

There was a finality in Nick’s voice then, something that told you everything you needed to know. Even though he hadn’t actually vocalized every bit of what he was thinking, you didn’t need him to.

You were going to be okay because he thought you would.

“Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it” you agreed, after just a moment to think about what you wanted to say. If nothing else, at least you could believe in that.

Whatever this world threw at you, you knew Nick would be there through it all.

Nick sighed, a small “yeah” leaving his lips as he took another long drag of the cigarette, too lost in thought to give you much more than that. You didn’t mind, letting your head rest on his shoulder, his rhythmic breaths calming you.

In and out, over and over again…never stopping.

Neither of you moved from that place for a while, only shifting when the temperature started dropping below the point of comfort. Both of you were dressed for sleep, not for the early morning chill.

“We should probably head back in” he whispered, bumping you with that same shoulder you’d been resting against, jostling you slightly. “Tomorrow’s another day”

You nodded but didn’t move even then, choosing to instead watch as Nick took what was left of the cig from his lips and dropped it, before standing up and heading toward the door.

It stayed where it landed, the embers burning away for a moment before fading out completely against the dirt.

“You coming?” You didn’t even realize you’d been staring at it until Nick’s voice shook you from the trance, back from where he was standing, waiting for you.

There was another beat between you, but this time, the silence wasn’t born of anything tense or unsure. Now, Nick was just waiting, watching you like the two of you had all the time in the world.

Which, at this moment, you did.

Life was already fragile, to begin with, but now, death was as common as breathing. So, there was no reason to waste a second.

No reason not to admire one another from time to time, and certainly no reason to chase sleep alone, in the dead of night.

“Will you stay with me?”

Your voice was quiet as you spoke, still cautious of the late hour and surrounding families, but it wasn’t timid by any means.

Nick knew you, and you knew him.

You weren’t a couple of school kids with a crush, not Romeo and Juliet on opposite sides of a war. You were just two people who enjoyed one another’s company, and with the world, as it was, you didn’t see the point in pretending otherwise.

Thankfully, neither did Nick.

He had never been one to ignore his base impulses, and the moment you extended the invitation, he agreed with a nod.

So, as quietly as you could, both you and Nick stepped back into the cabin. Your bunks were all relatively close together, which was nice, but they weren’t exactly made for more than one person.

Not that that was going to stop you. If anything, it meant you had to get a little creative, which was almost second nature by this point.

You grinned to yourself as you figured out the solution to your little problem and yanked the blankets from your bunk onto the floor, following them up with Nick’s own bedding.

It was a little silly, but you didn’t mind and the muffled chuckle from the man at your back told you that he didn’t either.

It was kind of perfect if you were being honest.

Nick snuggled in first, opening his arm to create a space for you at his side, which you took as carefully as you could. This would all be pretty difficult to explain if you woke up Madison right now.

“Comfy?” Nick cooed, his warm breath fanning your face due to the sheer proximity of your two bodies after you’d had a second to get settled.

“Actually, I think am” you decided, once again nuzzling into his side, the pattern of his breath lulling you into peace.

In and out, over and over again.

Never stopping.

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ftwdb · 1 month

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Chapter 16.

Summary: Soulmates find each other through what is known as The Pull. A sense within a persons body that their soulmate is within reach that guides them to find them. You find yourself following this Pull, guided by vague dreams of a man you can't quite see, until you collapse in the wild and are found by Troy, your soulmate, who has been following the same feeling toward you for days.

Once connected soulmates are able to share emotions through their bond, as well as being able to sense where the other is. But how this force works is very much a mystery still, it can vary from soulmate to soulmate, and just sometimes a connection too deep can lead twist a bond from something beautiful to, well...

Warnings: Dark themes, sexual content, violence, non-graphic description/implications of SA, child abuse and domestic violence. References to addiction. Unhealthy love/obsession/relationships. Soulmate AU. Eventual smut. Love triangle/polyamory… eventually.

You had paced the bunkhouse for so long that you were surprised you hadn't worn down the wood. Your nails were bitten down on one hand as you pondered over Jake’s revelation that it was not typical for soulmates to share emotions.

What were you supposed to do with this information? More importantly, did Troy already know?

Or was Jake mistaken? Perhaps that was just his own experience but the only way to find out would be to ask more people. And that could arouse suspicion…

You try and take your mind off things by tidying up the bunkhouse, and you’re in the middle of sweeping the dust out the front door when a sudden feeling hits you directly in the chest. It hits you hard enough to make you stagger on your feet for a few seconds.

You pause as panic overcomes you. You reach for your bond, for the pull… you find it empty.

“No!”

You're already out the door and running across the ranch when you see the trucks approaching in the distance. They're driving much faster than they usually would, which could only mean something was very, very wrong.

“Radio for Jake!”

You shout at the guard at the gate. He frowns at you but doesn't hesitate, also seeing the urgency in the way the trucks are driving along the road kicking up dust that floats into the air like smoke. Your eyes scan each of the drivers, looking for Troy as they pull into the gateway but he isn't behind any of the wheels.

Your eyes lock with Cooper as he jumps from the truck. Something is already behind hauled from the back and your heart drops when you see it’s Troy. Limp and pale with blood coating his face and neck.

“Is he bit?”

Are your first words as you chase after them rushing toward the medical tent. You see Cooper shake his head and you sigh with relief.

Jake is there and you don't even remember how or when he arrived. Getting Troy on the bed was a blur. Cooper pulling you out of the way as Jake checks him over was like a dream once Jake goes quiet and intently stares at Troy’s eyes as he flashes a small light in each one.

Your stomach churns. You know enough to realise what Jake is checking for, the responses he needs to know that the blood coating Troy’s head would not prevent him from waking up.

“… too slow…”

Jake mutters.

Your heart stops.

“But he’s responding, right?”

You say shakily. Jake nods but he doesn't look any happier about this than he did before the test.

You can't watch when Jake starts to examine the wound. You feel sick at the sight. You let Cooper lead you outside as he says something about getting air. You're in a daze and all you can do is keep tugging at the bond between you, urging Troy to tug back.

“What the hell happened?”

You say eventually, shaking as you look to Cooper for an explanation.

Cooper doesn't owe you anything, but he gives you a quick summary of events. They came across survivors. They were hostile. They engaged and Troy was injured by one of them who struck him from behind.

You shake your head slowly.

“And the survivors?”

“Took some out. Some escaped.”

Cooper says bluntly.

You clench your fists and your jaw sets when you speak again.

“And the one who hurt Troy?”

Cooper looks away, actually looking a little ashamed.

“… escaped.”

You feel rage. How? Why?

Before you could ask for more information you hear Jeremiah calling for Cooper. You keep your back turned. You don't have the patience for Troy’s father today.

Jeremiah demands an explanation as he leads Cooper back into the tent. You're left alone outside it and your knees buckle. You hit the grass hard and your fingers dig into the dirt.

This can't be it. Troy’s presence in her heart was like a gaping hole. Just empty and filled with cold, yearning darkness. You reach for him again but the lack of connection steals your breath away. That was when Cooper and Jeremiah burst from the tent and start running back toward the gate.

Without a second thought you follow, and neither man seems to care or notice. You can see the militia gathering at the outer edge of the ranch, taking up defensive positions you'd seen Troy scribbling notes about in his book.

You’re at Cooper’s side when you hear the words you already knew.

“They followed us.”

Jeremiah is shouting curses and yelling instructions. You see Mike limping toward the gate. He hadn’t been out with the others, but duty calls. He sees you and frowns.

“Get in the house.”

You scowl at him.

“Don’t tell me what to-”

Mike cuts you off.

“Troy would want you safe. Get in the house!”

You’re about to argue again when Jeremiah pipes up.

“You’ll do as you’re told. We don’t need civilians out here making things more complicated. So unless you’re gonna pick up a weapon missy, get outta the line o’ fire.”

You clench your fists and look to Cooper for support. Unfortunately he just shrugs and looks away with an apologetic look in his eyes.

“Fine!”

You huff. You run back to the main house, the closest shelter to the gate, and take the steps two at a time to Troy’s bedroom. You burst through the door and toward the window where you know you’ll be able to see everything.

Your fingers grip the window frame. You see a car approaching with a pole and a white rag handing from it. You feel a burst of anger.

So these people almost kill Troy and they dare approach his home seeking peace? You can see Jeremiah and Cooper taking the lead, stepping out to meet the vehicle whilst the militia keep their weapons pointed at the people inside.

You squint as you see someone step out, their hands are raised and you can make out a woman with shoulder length blonde hair. You can’t hear what’s being said, but Jeremiah is actually listening… and that makes you furious.

Your eyes are drawn to the opposite side of the car. Another set of raised hands, another figure emerging…

A man. Or a boy, he looks young. Messy hair down to his shoulders and even from here you can see the scowl on his features. Your heart beats hard.

Do something.

It tells you.

These people hurt Troy.

Do something!

Your fingers lose their grip on the window frame and your feet are carrying you back down the steps and outside faster than you can think. Your breathing is hard and your heart pounds. Your feet land on dirt and you run toward the gate.

You’re almost there, you can hear the woman’s voice but you can’t hear her words. But Jeremiah seems to be listening, and that infuriates you.

Do something!

Your heart screams again.

You’re almost at them when your glare switches from the woman to the boy. He is the first to see you, his narrowed eyes slide from the woman to you and they widen with surprise, with recognition. With shock.

It’s like someone has reached into your chest and torn your heart in two. You stop running and it takes all of your strength not to fall to your knees in the dirt.

The boy’s mouth opens. He goes to say something, his hand comes up as if reaching for you but you’re shaking your head and backing away with a hand pressed over your chest.

This… couldn’t be right. Be real. This feeling…

This sudden intense need to close the gap between you both and…

Jeremiah spots you and you hear him shout, but you’re already turning on your heel to flee. Because it couldn’t be right. This feeling in your chest… this… Pull.

Your feet carry you back to the medical tent where you burst through, frightening Jake who is sitting beside Troy, his head in his hands.

“He’s not…?”

You choke out as Jake meets your eyes.

“He woke. Briefly.”

Your legs almost collapse again.

Jake has a small, half-smile on his face. It’s still tinged with sadness and worry, but he doesn’t look like a man about to lose his brother.

“He said your name and lost consciousness again. But I think he’ll be okay, eventually.”

You let out a strangled sob of relief and your legs finally give way. Jake is with you immediately, pulling you up, setting you on the bed beside Troy.

“You’re still not fully recovered. The shock… you need to rest…” Jake is muttering.

You just nod and let him lay you down. You turn your head toward your soulmate and you reach out with your heart. A sense of warmth and happiness spreads through you when you finally find him, he’s there, as if at a distance even though you could reach out and touch him physically. But he is still in your heart.

But then you feel something else. A pulsing throb in your chest that makes you want to get off the bed and run back to the gate to give it some relief, to ease the pressure as it wills you to get off the bed and move.

Jake mistakes your sudden change in pallor and gently rubs your arm, uttering reassuring words that everything will be okay. But he doesn’t know. How could he? Nothing will ever be okay again… not when your heart is suddenly torn in half between two soulmates.

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