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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years

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BFCD Reviews by Nesha: Grace Monroe & The Infinity Train on HBO Max

Disclaimer: Post includes spoilers and also, this viewer does not deem Infinity Train as a children's show and my views are not subjected to the idea that this is a children's show, but I do regard the characters as children.

I’m not a psychiatrist. I haven’t taken a psychology class in many years. My work with children has been primarily trauma centered children, and I haven’t worked with typical children for a decade, so most of my opinions are from my personal life experience, my work experience, my children’s rights advocacy and activism, and the guidelines from my childcare specialist work for children in the system in the state of Texas. I don’t have a lot of information these days on typical children and I don’t know the culture of children all over the country or world, but I basically know a little something about traumatized children.

And as always, be nice, because I can be mean too (and will). 😉

Special thanks to @i-am-a-passenger for listening to me and being a SOUND sounding board for my thoughts through this experience that was season 3 of Infinity Train.

To be honest, I thought that it was extremely brave of the creators to go the route that they did with the story line. Not everybody can be saved is a take that we don’t see nearly enough, and whenever we do, usually a POC, oftentimes a Black girl is on the losing end of the tale. That didn’t happen here and despite some problems with some of the way that things played out in front of us, it was STILL a monumental moment for many fans and Grace’s redemption arc was valid and reasonable, so I loved it and I live for it. Now, I’m gonna give my review of the season and what I noticed about the characters...

First off, I think that the writing of this season was phenomenal. The style of the way the story was told impressed me from start to finish. There were moments that I didn’t expect, but I understood from a writing standpoint and for the characters presented. I’m not a professional writer, but it’s been a passion since I was 7 years old, so I have some experience with passion for writing and stories and a great narrative is my WEAKNESS, and I do believe that Infinity Train provides great narratives.

This season has been my favorite thus far. I would have appreciated it for the story content, even if they had switched the characters’ arcs or went in a different direction with the redemption arc, but the fact that I was able to see an example of a Black girl being able to BE HUMAN, at my age - 38 - is still such new content that I was honestly overwhelmed by the simple fact that the creators decided that this Black girl was worthy of not only redemption, but the attention to detail and consideration was enough for me to love this season.

The girl in question: 18 year old Grace Monroe, whose been on this train for something like 7 years.

It’s rare to see a dark skinned, brown skinned, Black girl with natural hair be shown in anything but stereotypes and/or plot devices for other characters. This character has a story of her own. A beautifully written and fully realized story of a child who got confused, made bad decisions, did terrible things, learned the truth, and sought to change.

Whenever we first meet Grace and Simon, she’s announced as the leader of the Apex, and Simon is announced as her second in command and given the credentials from her, “I trust him with my life.” Something that is later a bittersweet thought as he becomes the biggest threat of her life since she got onto this train. They’re clearly very close and only seem to disagree on how they respond to negativity.

One of my favorite things about Grace was that she was given layers. One of my LEAST favorite things about Grace was that she was given unfair head canons by the fandom extremely early on (all of which nobody ever proved but remained diligently devoted to believing).

In this season, when the two are taken out of their comfort zone and traveling with outsiders, Grace and Simon are faced with lives that they haven’t thought about previously and wind up choosing very separate paths. Honestly, these paths they went on made perfect sense to me. I see both of them as traumatized children without any guidance and while one of them is very careless and reckless (Grace), the other is deliberate about what he does and has goals and plans.

The biggest influence, I think, was their interactions with denizens prior to forming the Apex. Grace admittedly never got to know any while Simon was betrayed by one whenever she left him behind to potentially die. Simon carried this rage inside of him while Grace had nothing but apathy to guide her attitude of the denizens. Grace needed attention and she was able to get that from Simon and the Apex, so she made a life built on what that gave her.

While Grace tends to seem to try to sweeten the issue or charm people. Simon is more short with others and a bit rude. They handle things much differently, though they have created a lifestyle together and formatted a society of children that they lead.

All too frequently, if a character looks like Grace, she is there as fodder for whoever her (usually white) counterparts are. But Grace has a unique situation in which she shares center stage with her white male counterpart and we watch them develop together from two peas in a pod to mortal enemies. It is a sad separation, but one that felt necessary for the direction of the story. But here’s why Grace matters so much, despite the fact that she and Simon built a child army and killed we don’t even know how many denizens:

Grace changed for the better. When both of them met and got to know a denizen, she began to change. She didn’t understand it at first and took some time to admit to herself that she was even changing. She thought that something was wrong with her because her number was going down and that wasn’t supposed to be how it was. What she thought was that it made her look weak and she didn’t want Simon or the Apex to see her that way.

And saying that Grace changed for the better is sort of shaky, too. Because Grace wasn’t a bad person to begin with. She was a child who got on the wrong track. Going from being extremely alone to having one friend to having hundreds or however many Apex kids of followers changed her for the worse, but she was a good kid at her core. She was lonely in the real world and she acted out, then wound up on this train, had a life changing event by having to see “The Conductor” and translate what happened to her as someone saving her, and she went on to help save others, or so she thought, to some degree.

Whenever she saved Simon, she had literally no reason to, other than she saw a kid in trouble and she knew she could help.She had just as little life skills and social skills as this kid in front of her, but... he was crying and she reached out to try to make him feel better, reminding him that even though life on the train was hard, he was alright now. Then, another life changing thing happened - Simon noticed that her number was higher and asked her how she got it so high. She knew just as much as him, and said that she was really good at life on the train, and the way she took that ghom out - she wasn’t completely wrong, but them being children and having only time and their limited views started a cult.

What I found interesting about this memory was the fact that Simon was telling Grace’s story for her. She tagged her charm onto it, but Simon (the writer of their laws and apparently a trilogy that not even Grace, who likes to read things wanted to read while they were besties) is telling the story to the kids. Probably embellishing, and Grace loves to be noticed, so she keeps this up until they’ve formatted an entire belief system. It was basically just I presumed whenever I questioned the reputation this fandom gave Grace as a manipulator who filled Simon’s head with hatred for denizens and Apex theology.It confirmed that people were wrong about her, which unfortunately didn’t make them change their minds, but they ain’t gotta. Grace lived and Simon died and that’s how this turns out sometimes.

I was able to at least acknowledge that his death was atrocious and it’s very unfortunate that he didn’t change for the better. He wanted control. He wanted power. He wanted to reign. Those things were more important to him than believing anything that went against his ideals. They were more important than Grace and his relationship with her. Meanwhile, Grace, up until even after he was gone cared about him. She defended herself whenever he attacked her, but she tried not to hurt him. She even tried to talk to him and he once again refused to listen. She saved his life AGAIN, and he still tried to kill her. Despite it all, when he was gone, she cried. Her friend was gone. Another life had been taken, and life meant something else to her now.

Even paper birds mattered now, and thanks to that difference inside of her, she didn’t die. But, I expected her to. Not even because it would’ve made sense or helped the story in any way, but because that’s how it usually goes for characters like her, characters who LOOK like her. The fact that it didn’t brought tears to my eyes. This season was amazing. This ending was amazing. This character was amazing. I’m so pleased with it and it was more than I expected, because instead of setting expectations, I let them tell me the story. They did an excellent job.

I've been asking people since she first appeared in season 2 why they thought that Simon was some helpless and she was this dominating figure that bossed him into this lifestyle and mostly it came back to her higher number. i didn't think we were being shown that, so I've been suspicious every time someone has suggested that Grace got Simon started in this or taught him this and now that it's been debunked, I'm even more irritated with the suggestion that her redemption doesn't make sense or wasn't right.

The thing about Simon was that he seemed fine. He seemed innocent, at times. He seemed like someone to sympathize with... What a lot of his fan base doesn't seem to realize is that is the case with every abuser. That is the case with many killers. Bad backgrounds and hard times coming up don't make for an excuse. Just because I GET his personality, doesn't mean he deserves respect or consideration. But then, we have Grace, on this other end who can't even get the recognition she earned through her decision making when she literally had the same childhood as him whenever they got there. Idk. Shit feels suspicious to me to not acknowledge Grace's redemption as well written. And the idea that Simon was doing these things for or because of Grace was proven as untrue, so there should have been a shift in her favor and there wasn't and my god that's some top shelf bullshit to me...

People frequently speak of Grace's manipulating Simon, possibly because they haven't had to try to use what you have to smooth someone over. The fact that Grace has been consoling Simon since they were children (THEY WERE CHILDREN), Because I see "Simon is a child" everyday, and always speak of his trauma, like Grace had none and like she's not the same age or near it. But, that's another thing that gets done to Black girls - they're aged up in people's prejudiced minds and expected to be more accountable than their peers. This GIRL has been repeatedly blamed for the issues of her friend.

And her "betrayal?" A lie she told to preserve life.

Simon proceeds to use her tape against her, leave her trapped inside of it (knowing it was dangerous, because the cat told him), sow lies about her in the Apex, pressure children that she knew to kill her, literally tried to beat her up and murder her, and kicks her as hard as he can after she saved his life AGAIN... He still gets more grace than Grace from the audience. I don't think people see Grace's humanity. People even assumed that her number was higher because she killed so many denizens... Like literally every wrong move doesn't affect numbers. And when faced with the story, which gives us a vulnerable Grace with flaws but also compassion, she's still been sidelined by fans of the show and nobody has given me any good reason as to why, so you already know, like we been knew. 😒

People have even tried to downgrade Simon's toxicity towards her because she led the Apex (and these people pretty much had similar things to say as people who didn't believe that my ex sexually abused me because of some examples of me being strong while arguing with him)...

THIS was triggering as fuck, but I've barely seen a PEEP about it. I'm going to presume that problematic takes of Grace are from a place of discrimination and dehumanization against another Black girl character like fandoms usually do.

But that just makes her matter more.

Good job, Grace. I knew there was good in you all along, and I didn't have to make up anything about you in my brain. ♥️♥️♥️

*Grace mourning a man that just tried to destroy her multiple times for telling a lie to keep him from killing a small child...

SPEAKING OF... The man double kicked her off that damn train in front of the kids AFTER they all saw her rescue him. Them kids might be messed up because of the Apex, but you can't tell me that Simon ain't further fuck them up with his reign. At least we know Grace was always nice to them. I'm glad they'll have each other to figure it all out.

#BFCD Reviews by Nesha #Infinity Train #Nesha Watches Infinity Train #Grace Monroe #Nesha Watches

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folie-lex · 5 years

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A lot has been discussed about “when” it was that James & Teresa started catching feelings for each other. (Thanks to Ryan and Jorge for feeding the fans on twitter and keeping this debate alive at any given chance).

While I think we can all agree that it’s been a gradual process for both and it has certainly not been one sided I think we can also acknowledge that each one worked in a different speed and pace... and I also think it’s safe to say that James was the one who fell first (granted, you gotta cut Teresa some slack here: she was still going through trauma, grieving - or coming to terms that her grieving was unwarranted - and just plain old trying to stay alive.)

Now, this was NOT some “love at first sight” crap. The world in which the show functions and the situations these people find themselves in simply doesn’t allow for that. However, there was a connection between them very early on; something that a true deep romantic relationship could be built upon, and subsequently has.

I’m getting ahead of myself here though, but let’s pick it up from the start because it IS important.

James & Teresa’s first interaction is maybe the furthest thing from a meet-cute (which sidenote: A meet-cute is exactly what she had with Guero). Teresa is being held down, threatened and abused and she’s fighting back like a wild dog. For his part, though clearly not happy with what’s going on, James is being professional, cold, detached and pragmatic. “Just another wayward girl to have around the warehouse... *shrug*... whatever.”

But she offers to do the job and now he worries, because THIS job comes with strings and stakes and responsibilities and needs some level of experience. It doesn’t help that this girl seems to already have enough trouble following her around in the first place. However, she volunteers and Camila is intrigued enough to go along with it. So James is left with no option but to comply and just get the job done, as James does. And as James does, he feels he’ll be the one to clean whatever mess and fallout follows.

He gives her a crash course coaching about their cover story and drives like a pendejo to get her to the airport, because both the job needs to get done, but also, more importantly “that was not the first girl who died and [he] won’t have that again”. And when he insists it’s over and they won’t make it, Teresa digs her heels. She’s doing this.

This is turning point Number 1.

In 2.03 James tells Camila that what he believes in is “survival instinct” and that is what he recognises in Teresa in that moment. And just like that she becomes more than “another wayward girl”. Suddenly she becomes somebody he can communicate with and talk to, on the same level.

And that look... well... it’s far from the full and in-effect “hearteyes level: james valdez” but it’s a precursor to it. It is those mutual core instincts they share that set the foundation of their whole dynamic.

The rest of the mission is spent establishing that rapport. Everything in the airport solidifies that connection. And nothing caps that better than his “I can’t believe she made it and we pulled this off” look after she hands him the last baggie.

Episodes 1.03 and 1.04 continue with this trend, with the layers of James actively trying to ward Teresa off, while she begins to quietly observe how the business works, being added to their dynamic.

What I find very interesting in these two episodes is how passive Teresa seemingly comes off, as she just starts to take everything in, while James is at his most verbal, social and swagger-ish. Which makes sense: she’s educating herself about what it takes to stay alive (all while keeping her cards as close to her chest as possible) and he is preoccupied with feeding her with as much information as he can so she can learn and be prepared for what lies ahead (all while trying to maintain dominance and the upper hand in whatever relationship they are being forced into developing).

However come episode 1.05 things begin to shift again... and quite a lot.

Up until then it’s all about James seeing in Teresa someone he can be straight with. Someone he doesn’t have to sugar coat things for, nor should he. Someone he can (maybe) rely on to pull through, when the going gets tough. But she’s still got the blinders on... or more accurately she persists on not taking them off. Therefore a bigger “lesson” is required. So he takes her to “go kill someone”.

I want to make another sidenote here to point out about this episode that:

From James’ side he actually invites her in his home. We talk a lot about how “closed off and secretive” he generally is. But here we witness as he allows her a glimpse into part of his life outside of work. The way I’ve always interpreted this was as more proof he saw her as someone with the potential to be treated as an equal. (And he does this again in a way in S3 when he offers up his own HOME as their safe haven).

And what needs to be pointed about this episode from Teresa’s perspective is she had the curtain pulled off her eyes about the kind of woman she used to be when she was with Guero, as she sees her past self in Kim, furthering her acknowledgement of how treacherous this world really is.

Moving on...

Before they go to “kill someone” he takes her to get her “dolled up” because the job calls for it.

And look while I’m sure, as a straight man he was aware she wasn’t an unattractive woman, I’m also pretty sure he hadn’t actually put himself in the mindframe to look at her that way. Because that look and that small step back, when she walks down those stairs dressed up to the nines?

That right there is surprise... and turning point Number 2. This is where it hits James: “She cleans up nice... she looks good...”

And yes, fiiiiiine... It is just the shallow, superficial aspect of romance and their relationship is built on so much more than that, I 100% agree. But to be physically attracted to someone is important. And IMO there is something to be said that James bothered to both see and treat her like a potential future equal first, before he even cared to admit she was also a “pretty girl”.

The mission goes as all their missions go: with its ups and downs, but getting the job done; and concludes with their scene in the car, i.e.: turning point Number 3.

Informing her on Eric, his role and what the deal AND plan is, was all James wanted to show her during this excursion. That random guy getting killed was not on the schedule and it throws both of them off.

However it also gives James a glimpse through the first crack in those walls Teresa has very consiously put up since she came in his life. Sure he’s seen her be stubborn before, but actually fight back? For “what’s right”? This was a first. And her persistence in how she comes alive in the car, actually lunging at him to DO SOMETHING is completely new.

After she realises there is nothing more she can do for the guy, and he manages to calm her down, the way he softly looks at her, surprised and taken aback by their proximity, he sees those things he has long given up to be in this world. Those things he misses about himself. Those things he wants to get back when he comes looking for her in S3.

But we’re still at the beginning here. And James, here, is still in that hopeless cynical place in his life, where he believes this naiveté, and this willingness to still try and be somewhat “good” is pointless and will get you killed. One can imagine James, who has this business so well figured out, being confronted with Teresa who while unwilling to lay low, is also still trying to stay true to herself must be overwhelming. And more than that this is the first time she isn’t letting him just boss her around. She talks back. She stands up for herself. She calls him out. She is putting in question his whole world view.

And all this is followed by 1.06 and her “using the time she had to get him out of the cave” which is turning point Number 4. And IMO, it’s his point of no return.

He spends that whole episode trying to bring back their tentative relationship to what it was before their talk in the car at Eric’s. From their drive to the meet, to how he barks orders at her during the shoot-out, to every bit of instruction he gives her while they’re running, that’s all he’s doing: warning her and keeping her alive, with a wee-bit of posturing sprinkled in there.

Still, she comes back for him amidst complete chaos, and that’s when he sees it: She’s not just a survivalist like him. She doesn’t just clean up well. She isn’t just a sweet, kind and somewhat naive girl that’s in way over her head. She’s also loyal.

And here’s the thing: James might only believe in “survival instinct”. However LOYALTY is the only thing he truly values. It is the only thing he considers as his one true redeeming attribute. And it’s a rare currency. Yet she has it.... in spades. But more than that, she just offered it to him, with open hands and no strings attached... and in this hole, in this life he’s found himself in, that’s even more rare. THAT he can’t negate, or dismiss.

So when Charger says “let’s trade her” it’s not even an option in his mind. She is not expendable. Period.

Though that, he won’t admit to himself until 2.04. (But that’s a whoooooole other post).

#qots #queen of the south #jeresa #james valdez #meta #qots S1 #teresa mendoza #I can't believe I finished it...#I've been working on this since forever #my screencaps #my gifs

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classicallyelegant · 5 years

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It would seem Maxey and Matt have brought out more characters this time around. They are here to help flesh out the story more....I hope! Please enjoy!!

UGH WHY HER?

“Rena! I know you heard me. Why walk away from me and why call out Maxey and Rod like that?” He closes the door behind him.

“Oh come off it, Dustin! You don’t like the two of them together any more than I do. Don’t pull this high horse stuff on me! I know you better than that!’

“That still doesn’t answer my question and believe me; I have my own reasons for not being happy about the way things have turned out. You, on the other hand, have no right to take your attitude out on the two of them.”

“It wasn’t on the two of them! It was mainly her! WHY DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS DEFEND HER? What in the world makes her so special that you just fall at her feet?” I sit at my desk and put my head in my hand. No matter what, men always take Maxey’s side of things! I can’t win! He crosses the room and sits on my desk.

“Rena, I’m not just blindly defending her, but she is pregnant, so your jealousy is out of place.”

“See! You see? I say something bad about her and I’m jealous! I can’t say anything around here without someone saying how great she is and how low I am!”

“At least if she said anything bad about you right now, which she hasn’t, she has the excuse of being pregnant. YOU ARE NOT!”

“AND whose fault is that?!” I kick the drawer of my desk right beside him. “You won’t come near me thanks to her! Matt is still mad at me and Rod will never…..” I try to hide my tears.

“Rod will never touch you now that his dream is right beside him! Poor you! You always have to play the pitiful victim, don’t you?!”

>sniffle< “Why must you be so vindictive to me, Dustin? I have always tried to be a safe place for you and I have not forced you into anything. No, you’d rather pick me apart, wouldn’t you?”

“I’m not picking you apart. I’m trying to get through to you. Maxey is a lady, but that doesn’t mean you have to sit here wallowing in your own self-pity. Wake up, Rena! She is one person and you are another….end of story!”

“Are you saying that for my sake or your own? You think I don’t know about you kissing her behind Rod’s back?”

“You are really obsessed with him, aren’t you? I thought Matt was supposed to be the object of your desire….as if you ever stood a chance with either one of them!”

“Maybe I did try to turn a blind eye to the fact that Matt is gay but I still held out hope he could change his mind. As for Rod…it has always been strictly professional with him.”

“Oh puh-leez! ‘Strictly professional’ my eye! You lusted after him so bad until Barbara got in your way. Only now that she’s gone, you take everything out on Maxey!”

“Why you! Fine, poor Maxey has to incur the wrath of The Dragon Lady! I’ve watched too many guys stare at her to feel completely sorry for her.”

“Oh so now the truth comes out! You’re mad because of Alejandro! That’s what really brought this on! You’re pea green with envy that he’s been watching her from the get go and never gave you any kind of a chance at all!”

“It’s not fair! She does nothing to attract you guys and she gets all the attention!”

“Do you even hear yourself right now? I mean, that is a new low! You have an attitude with her because she has the attention you want. How dumb is that!” He stands up and walks out. It figures! I have a crush on Dustin and have had one for quite a while….but Maxey was engaged to him! I can’t beat her!

I got this job by clawing my way here. I had to put up with a lot and I told myself I would not put any of my workers through the same routine. I haven’t either though it hasn’t been easy. When Matt came along, he was so dreamy, I fell at first sight! Maybe I did favor him over others, but he proved himself more than capable of holding his position. Then Rod came and I was so impressed with him, I couldn’t help but be smitten. He was nice and just bubbling over with talent. BUT THEN…..

Maxey had been a friend of mine from my school days. She has always been the sweet, quiet type. I was overjoyed at first because I thought Yay! A girlfriend to chat with! Ha! That was short-lived! Almost immediately, she was paired with Matt and they couldn’t seem to keep their eyes off each other. I told myself it was because she was new and he would come around. He only got closer to her and I watched as he defended her time and time again. If he wasn’t defending her, they had the whole studio buzzing about their affection towards each other.

I watched when Rod came to see her and he would just stare! As soon as she acknowledged him, he turned and ran. I saw him show up to hear her sessions and he would watch her every move, but he didn’t have the nerve to talk to her. His face looked so pitiful! Barbara was jealous too but she didn’t give up…she landed him although I’ve been told her way was….unconventional, to say the least.

BUT oh when Dustin came along! Every girl here had her eye on him! I tried to be as sweet as I could to him, but before I knew it, Jerry got to him and he started making his rounds of the actresses that worked here. I kept telling myself it would be OK as he didn’t seem interested in any of them but >sigh< Maxey became his target and his whole demeanor changed! Every turn, she came up smelling of roses and I got left in the dust!

Despite all of that, I really don’t hate Maxey. Quite the opposite to be honest! I haven’t always done right by her but I haven’t been totally unfaithful to her either. She can’t really help how guys react to her, but like I said, she never does anything special to get their attention, she just gets it. I think the thing about her is she is so vulnerable. She is very open about her feelings towards people, even when she doesn’t mean to be. She brings out the protector in everyone….including me. I never seem to keep things from happening to her but I try to stop them from repeating. I failed her big time where Jerry was concerned though!

Jerry was before my time really. He’s worked here for quite a while, but he always did have a tendency to go after the younger girls. He flirted with me before I became his boss. He was still flirty but a little more dignified after. None of the girls complained too loudly, so I never said much about what he did. I should have put an end to it, but he did his job, so I didn’t. Maxey came along and I could see it all over his face….he wanted her. Problem was he couldn’t get around Matt to even try to distract her. Matt went into full protection mode when he saw how Jerry acted towards her and I saw he and Jerry have several arguments….I’m guessing about her.

Dustin swooped in and knocked her off her feet. She smiled so much around him. One look at him said he was quite taken with her as well. He would watch her but there was this tenderness in his gaze he didn’t have around anyone else. His smiles seemed more genuine and I was gutted that he had made his choice. I was glad he was happy and I was happy to see her smile, but I knew that meant I was not in the picture.

Then opportunity called me on the phone….or so I took it at the time. Jerry called me and asked me to meet him in my office early the next morning. I did and he told me he had a plan to finally get his wish with Maxey. He said if I helped him to get her away from Matt’s protection, he would help me land Matt. Well, that was all I had to hear as I was desperate for Matt’s attention but couldn’t get anywhere near him the way Maxey did. I quickly agreed and we set about trying to wedge between them. I did feel a little bad for it, but I was more focused on Matt than Maxey anyway.

If Jerry told me about his wanting to sell her, I didn’t hear it. I don’t think I would have been so eager if I had heard that part and it broke my heart when he declared that to her and everyone else in the room. I still tried to stay focused on Matt but the disgust in his eyes and voice….any relationship I could have wished for was over before it even really began. Dustin just looked at me. He never said a word. I was beside myself when Jerry was finally caught and I just blurted out my confession. I had no idea he meant Maxey such trauma and even I wanted to protect her when I heard.

It took a while before Matt would even let me near Maxey again. I did apologize to her but I’m afraid I don’t know a proper way to prove to her how sorry I truly am. Even Dustin gave me looks if he saw me close to her. He would come to touch her himself or he would hurry her along to where they would be away from me. Maxey said she forgave me and she has never blamed me in any way for what happened. I’m relieved but I feel like I haven’t done enough to make things up to her.

After all of that though, Katie introduced me to Alejandro and I was stopped in my tracks. He is just so handsome though he is pretty young. He was polite and a little on the shy side but it was totally endearing. I saw why so many of the young girls crowded around him, but he already knew Maxey and Matt when he came to work here. I saw the look on his face around Maxey and I thought Oh no! Not again!

YEP! It was happening all over again! He was not good at hiding the fact that he was interested in her as much more than just an older colleague. The final straw for me was when Dustin and he got into an argument. I went to check on him after making sure Dustin was OK. Alejandro was lying in Maxey’s lap and she was brushing his hair back to soothe his head. He looked up at her and took her hand. NOT THIS AGAIN! I just couldn’t take it. When I could speak to him alone, I told him not to make his crush so obvious but he got mad and told me not to make my jealousy so apparent. Another one defending her! As usual. Maxey didn’t do anything, but why can’t I be in her place? This always happens to her and I don’t understand why it’s not me! What am I lacking so much of?

“Hey, Rena…got a minute?” I look up to see Matt coming in. I wipe my tears quickly.

“Yeah, sure. What is it you want?”

“I read over these two script liners. I like both but I kind of think this one should have Rod involved.” He shows me one in particular. I half smile because I had thought the same…only I didn’t mention it.

“You do? Would you be interested in working with him on this?”

“I….well, I wasn’t expecting that but yeah, that might be fun.” He sits in the chair in front of my desk. Even as casual as he is…Matt commands attention. I get so lost in his voice when I get to be near him, but to hold him…paradise. “I would like to ask him first, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind. He would probably be more responsive to you anyway. I’m not his favorite person at the moment.”

“Rena, you have to quit picking on him and Maxey, you know.”

“Oh aren’t you one to lecture?” I put my head down like I’m writing a note.

“Well, Maxey got a little peeved at me earlier, but I’ll smooth things over with her. I can talk to Rod later. As for this other one, I really liked one of the characters. I do think Maxey would do a fine job here as well…but that’s your call.”

“It would be the director’s call more than mine. I only step in if I have to.”

“Oh really? I think you may have a few exceptions to that rule.” He smirks. Oh heart of mine!

I manage to give him my most wide eyed look. “I don’t know what you’re insinuating!” Oh yes I do but I won’t give you that!

“Of course you don’t!” He laughs and gets up to leave. “Let me know when you have a director for that other show, OK?”

“Sure, Matt. I will be sure to do that if you don’t want it.” He smiles one last time before he leaves, closing the door on that sight. Oh Matt! With all the time that has passed, no man can do what you do!

“Umm, I’m sorry to bother you, but can I come in?” Alejandro opens the door just a few minutes later.

“What’s in your head, Alejandro?” I’m surprised to see him in my office.

“In my head?” He looks so puzzled.

“Just an expression. What do you want to see me about?” I smile at him.

“Oh!” He scratches his head and sits in front of me where Matt was before. “Did you know that Derek went to get Maxey and Matt for our show today?”

“No, I didn’t know about that.”

“Oh I see. OK then...” He starts to get up but I stand up before he does and come around my desk.

“Did something happen that I should know about?”

“NO, I was just wondering if you knew ahead of time because I didn’t know they were coming.”

“Hmmm…. I suppose Derek had his reason for doing such.” I shrug.

“It was a crowd scene so he said he needed other voices, I just didn’t think those were the two he would get.”

“Was that such a bother to you?”

“No, it wasn’t that. It just surprised me, that’s all.”

“OK, anything else you need me for?” I don’t quite see where he is going with this.

“No….it’s OK. Have you seen Katie around here? She wanted me to see her but I can’t find her.”

“I believe she was in the booth earlier but I haven’t seen her for a while.”

“I’ll keep looking then. Thanks for listening.”

“Anytime! That’s what I’m here for, you know?” He grins and waves his way out. Boy! What a day!

#My Story

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