#nd like its not smth i can talk abt directlt bc like

[caruliaa]

sick and twisted tht i do not get nice little sudden surprise gifts by giving them nd i also cant get them by asking bc then well it isnt a nice little sudden surprise gift is it.......

#suddenly started thinking ab it nd its making me kinda sad even tho ik tht unreasonable+self centered...... watever.... #j gonna express it as a silly cutsie lil joke instead tho bc it is unreasonable 2 b upset abt but like #idk. whatever #flappy rambles #EDIT: idk its werid bc like. idk i do feel unreasonable but like idk bc like. #i do think it is kinda love language of mine ot like suddenly make tihngs 4 ppl i care ab as nice little suprises #esp if theyre having a diffcult time in their life #nd like. idk i feel unreaosnable 4 complaining bc ppl do show me their love in other ways #but i dont rly feel like this is rly smth tht others do for me at all which like. i kinda wish they did idk #nd like its not smth i can talk abt directlt bc like #like the whole point of making smth for someone as a suprise is tht its a suprise like they didnt have any exprectation #(or obligation bc u did it 4 them so now they ffeel like they have to do it 4 u) #to make it for u theyre j suprising u w smth to make u happy #so like. idk not rly the type of things u can ask someone to do 4 u both bc its kinda rude thing 2 ask #nd like. the whole point is ur doing smth for them w out them asking or knowing #idk. hwatever #idk its weird like. ik tht a lot of ppl rly care ab me nd tht im v loved but like. idk i cant help feeling like a lot of tht is j bc like. #i cared abt them or did a kind caring thing 4 them first yk or i asked them too and then they did #but it doesnt feel like ppl j do nice things 4 me of their own accord a lot of the time. idk #amybe im j dramatizng bc im tired but like. idk . #whatever