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radicallyred · 5 years

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Down for the Count

Steve Rogers is irritated.

He's been stuck in a training session for over 5 hours listening to the new recruits bitching and moaning about the heat, and if he’s honest, he’s tired of watching them run laps whenever Fury gets mad. He checks his watch as they seem to wind down. 2:30. Good. They’re done.

He really just wants to get back to the tower and see Tony. He wants to lay down on that couch across from the big window and close his eyes as he puts on a vinyl, maybe convince Tony to join him. His phone has been ringing incessantly in his pocket, vibrating fiercely enough to curious looks from his colleagues, and he'd ended up turning it off completely when Fury threatened to crush it. By the time they’re dismissed and he was able to step outside to turn it back on, he has 15 missed calls and 3 missed texts from Pepper Potts.

And, curiously enough, none from Tony.

In fact, he realizes suddenly, he has nothing from Tony, not since right after he left the tower this morning. His stomach goes cold, a heaviness settling in his gut and when his phone quiver's to life seconds later, he picks it up on the first ring.

"Pepper? What’s going on?"

Steve almost never calls her by her first name, so he can hear the woman take a deep breath on the other end. "I wanted to talk to you before you heard about it somewhere else. I don't know if you have, but I assure you, he's going to be fine..."

He turns abruptly toward one of the exits, beginning to make his way out of the facility, his free hand already in the pocket of his uniform for his keys. "Tell me where, I'm on my way."

-------

The first thing he registers is the brightness. The pure white flare of the fluorescent bulb above him makes him wince in his groggy state. He pushes back into the pillows, attempting to turn onto his side to shield himself from the light, but he finds his body somewhat unresponsive, dulled by sedatives and painkillers.

Oh, but there is some pain.

He groans out loud, squeezing his eyes shut. He feels like he's been hit by a Mack truck (in actuality, it was a Prius). He forces his eyes open, blinking slowly a few times before his surroundings begin to come into focus. Everything is white. There is a beeping. And the smell...

He swears aloud as everything crystallizes and he realizes where he is. He does everything he can to push past whatever is in his system as he tries to rise up and out of the bed, objecting audibly. He feels a hand on his arm, a hand on his shoulder, a hushing voice that is trying to calm him down but he's not feeling very calm because not a hospital, never a hospital...

"Tony, STOP, you're gonna bust your stitches!"

Pepper's voice stops him in mid-flail and he stills in place for a moment as he gets his bearing. Pepper. Not Steve. Pepper is still his emergency contact. He needs to fix that.

“Where is Steve?”

“He’s on his way.”

He allows her to lower him back toward his pillow, let's her pull his blanket up over his hospital gown and she looks down at him with something like pity as she gets up and pours him a glass of water.

"What time is it?" He asks softly. "How long have I been out? What happened?"

She hushes him gently, handing him the paper cup and telling him to take it easy. He sips at it slowly and, finding himself parched, downs the rest in a gulp. When he licks his lips, the copper taste of a fresh formed scab follows and he makes a face. Pepper has the audacity to smile a little.

"They told me it looks a lot worse than it is, but don't worry, you won't scar." She nods toward his face. "It's almost 4. You've been out all morning and afternoon, but I guess the anesthesia is wearing off."

"Anesthesia?" He gapes at her and she nods in response.

"You were crossing the street and some asshole who was texting hit you with their car. They weren't going very fast, thank goodness. But you did get thrown quite a ways. You have a broken wrist, concussion, ruptured spleen, hence the anesthesia, 2 broken ribs and bruising everywhere. But other than that, you're fine."

"Other than that." He bites. He throws his head against the pillow, arching back toward the ceiling. "Fuuuuuuuck."

"Yeah." She nods, sliding back into the chair beside him. "He's gonna be pissed when he sees your face."

He groans again, sliding his hand to grab his hair at the crown. "Thanks for that. Thanks."

He looks down at his body. He can feel where the gauze bandage is affixed under his gown near his ribs (broken, he notes, and attributes the dull throb to that) and he rolls his eyes, thinking of all the aftercare bullshit he's gonna have to deal with, and mostly, how up his ass Steve is going to be, and not in the fun way.

He hears the door to the room open and a woman walks in in scrubs with a iPad, a tired smile on her face. "Mr. Stark. I'm Amy, I'm your nurse for this shift. How are we feeling? The pain okay? You need the drip adjusted?"

Christ alive, he has an IV and everything. He closes his eyes with a shake of his head. He wants the needle out of his arm. This was ridiculous. They had taken him to surgery, they had patched him up. Yeah, he didn't feel great, but he would rather feel not great in the comfort of his own home. There, he could just stay all doped up on some pain pills and he would sleep for a couple of days straight-Steve would insist on it-and he could maybe be back on his feet by Monday, if he were lucky.

"Alright then. Let me check your incision real quick."

He suffers through the indignity of being manhandled by a stranger without much fuss and as she draws the gown back down, hums a noise of approval. She pokes around on the tablet a few times until she confirms his check up for the afternoon, and hugs the device close to her chest, smiling brightly in an overly cheerful way that irritates him, but he knows that's kind of her job, so he holds back. "We're good for now. I'll be back in a few hours to check the drip again and everything."

"When can I go home?"

"You're gonna need to ask the doctor that, but honestly, probably another day or so. They'll just want to make sure that's healing alright, but getting your spleen out is relatively routine and everything went just how it should. She'll want to talk with you about what to look out for, what to do, how to change the dressings." She nods to Pepper with a smile as well and turns to leave before stopping herself as she gets to the door. “The doctor will be in shortly as well to give you the rundown of everything. Make sure to buzz me if you need anything, okay?"

She waits for him to nod before she leaves. He doesn't hear the door close.

A woman in a white coat walks in before he and Pepper can say anything to each other, holding what is probably the same tablet as the nurse had. She assessing the information, nodding slowly, muttering under her breath and finally looks up at him as if she's just noticed he's in the room. "Mr. Stark. Welcome to GBU."

"Pleasures all mine." He responds dryly, shifting in the bed so he crosses his arms. She humors him with a chuckle.

"I want to get the shop talk out of the way. Are you alright with Ms. Potts hearing all this now as well?"

"She can stay, she knows me better than me at this point."

"Alright. We have two broken ribs, a broken wrist, contusions throughout the body, a concussion and a ruptured spleen that was removed at 10:25 this morning. As long as your incision site stays clear of any signs of infection, I wager you'll be on your way home by Sunday. We'll send you with a few prescriptions and have Pepper here makes sure you don't re-injure yourself.”

He's burning with embarrassment, a dirty look on his face as he looks between the two. He knows the doctor won't be able to tell, but Pepper is holding back a laugh. They're close enough now, and they've known each other long enough for her to know how much this is going to irritate him, and it seems to be giving her boundless amusement, especially since in the end, she won't be the one to deal with it.

He looks back at the doctor, who is motioning at the doorway. He hears it open a little more, hears the swish of a curtain being pushed aside, and he hears footsteps too heavy to be the nurse who was just checking up on him. He watches as Steve slides into view, looking at the doctor, at Pepper, anywhere but at the bed where he currently lay.

Steve looks depleted, drawn, like he's been up for 3 days straight and is barely standing from exhaustion. He keeps his eyes on the doctor, because she begins talking about work and not letting Tony push himself and that he will make a quick and full recovery if he rests like he should. Steve is nodding with spirit, and Tony knows that regardless of what the doctor was saying, his exile from everywhere but their wing of the tower is already planted in Steve’s head.

Pepper rises from his side with a squeeze to his wrist and a sympathetic glance. "I have to get going.” She says softly.

"Are you going to be alright with him, Captain?” The doctor asks. Steve nods, a small smile tugging on his lips.

"I can handle Tony." He speaks for the first time, tone placid, without any implication that something is amiss, and the Doctor nods, seemingly content with the answer. The doctor hurries out, Pepper following slowly behind, and he's pretty sure he hears the distinct sound of the lock being pushed in before the door closes. Steve has moved over to the narrow window in the corner, looking out over the city, his left side facing the bed in the middle of the room.

"Steve..."

Steve holds up a stiff hand, and Tony can see his Adam's apple working in his throat as he blinks against the sunlight. After a few seconds of silence, the hand curls into a tight fist that falls to his side as he turns to face him, meeting his gaze for the first time.

"Tony."

His name is uttered in a whisper, a shuddering breath that seems like it's been held in for hours. It's made up of both fear and relief, and his expression is pained beyond anything Tony is ever okay with seeing on that face. Steve's hands are both clenched at his side, and his entire body seems coiled tight, barely restrained.

This is because of him.

"I'm sorry." And, God, this is fucking pathetic. He’s fifty years old, damnit, why is he crying over the fact that his boyfriend looks tired?

"Tony, no." Tony hears him walk toward the bed and he feels the shift in weight towards his left side as Steve rests against it. "Baby, it's alright, I'm here." Steve responds softly. He pulls himself close to Tony's side, pulling the younger man's good hand from his face and threading his fingers through it. His free hand ghosts up along the bruises and scrapes all up his jawline, barely caressing them with a hiss. "Oh baby, your face..."

"I know, I'm sorry. I’m fucked up..."

"Tony, I'm not angry. And this isn't your fault." He reassures with a gentle hush. "That young man was texting while he was driving."

"I was definitely in the crosswalk when I shouldn’t have been.”

"Be that as it may..." He trails off, not taking his eyes off of him. Tony finally allows himself to meet his gaze fully, and his stomach flips like he's on a roller coaster to see his lover's eyes shining.

"Steve, I'm okay."

Steve doesn't respond, doesn't seem to be able to. He just closes his eyes, swallowing a few times intermittently, deep, shuddering breaths before he brings Tony's hand to his mouth. He presses a kiss to the knuckle of his thumb, working his way up to the knuckles of his fingers, just holding his hand there against his lips. When he speaks again, rubbing his thumb now along the trail of kisses, he doesn't look up at Tony.

"Pepper called me so many times and I didn't pick up until the Fury dismissed us. And when she spoke, even though she told me you'd be fine, I just..." He shook his head. "You scared me, Tony."

Bruising be damned. He lifts Steve's hand, strong and stable and safe, to his face and presses it against his cheek, turning to kiss it's heel before letting it rest. Steve curls his fingers in the strands of hair there and Tony lets himself relax for the first time since he woke up.

"Will you lay with me?"

His voice is so small, he would usually be embarrassed, but this reaction has kind of made this whole thing a reality. He got hit by a fucking car. He could have fucking died. He's always been so reckless, ever since his mother died, living like it was all on borrowed time, through binge drinking and Afghanistan, NYC and Malibu, Iron Man, all of it, because it just didn't matter.

He scoots to the far side of the bed as Steve stands and slides in to join him, molding his body to Tony's, arching his arm around his side. Tony realizes for the first time that he’s still in his Captain America Uniform. "Am I hurting you?"

"No. I don't care."

"Tony, your stitches..."

"I'll tell you if you get too close." He promises, and he would be embarrassed at how he sounded if not for the day he'd had. He may have been flippant and fiery 10 minutes ago, but the weight of the day's events reflected through Steve had changed that.

He was scared too, he realizes somewhat in surprise. He had never allowed himself to be this close to someone, to need someone the way he knew he needed Steve, had never allowed himself to be the one who was needed. Usually by this point, he'd have done something abhorrent enough to drive them away. But this was different than then. Different than Afghanistan. He feels Steve's arm tighten snugly around his midsection, and bring his left arm down intermingle with it, grasping his hand once more.

It mattered now.

"I'm sorry I scared you." His voice is small. Steve nuzzles into the crook of his neck in response, kissing it softly. He can smell the man on him now, spicy, soapy, a hint of sweat and whatever warm smells like (cause he swears it has a smell, it does).

"Just promise me you’ll be more careful from now on." He smiles as Tony snuggles into the pillow. "Only the sidewalk, far away from the cars."

Tony chuckles, shaking his head a little. Steve places a kiss to his temple and Tony leans into it, spooning closer to Steve's front, letting his fingers trail up and down his arm. "You aren't the boss of me." He finally mumbles.

This earns him a dry chuckle, a heavy hand sliding to his waist. "Aren't I?"

Steve presses another kiss to his temple, and Tony melts more into him, closing his eyes. "We'll talk about it later."

He feels Steve laugh again softly as he drifts off to sleep, warm, and safe, and well loved. He barely hears the response.

"I'm sure we will."

#stony #fanfic #radicallyred #steve x tony #SUPERHUSBANDS

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fifiandthebrain · 6 years

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The top 5 tips for getting to grips with brain surgery

So you’ve got a brain tumour. Welcome! It’s an elite club, where every single one of us is unique. No two brain tumours are the same. Revel in that.

Here are five tips from me for what to expect when having a brain tumour operated on, and how to plan for making it as comfortable as possible, from my own limited experience… I feel like I’m in The Sunscreen Song. I shall dispense this advice, now:

Practice Mindfulness! (Yawn)

It sounds patronising as balls, but honestly, try it. The first time round I did yoga in the run up to my operation. It REALLY helped; if only to have an hour or so of calm, and concentrating on something that isn’t the deeply troubling existential ‘what if’s that will undoubtedly lurk. Mindfulness in general is a really good way to focus your (likely all over the place) energies and anxieties in a healthy way. Headspace is a good app, I’m told, but I went with the classic book method – ‘Mindfulness - A Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World’. You can buy it here, but there’s a link to listen to all of the meditations on Soundcloud. I found this one particularly helpful.

You’ll be much more ‘with it’ than you think...

Considering the surgeons will have been tinkering with your ACTUAL BRAIN, you’ll likely be much more ‘with it’ after the surgery than you expect. Other than being very sick for several hours (this is common after general anaesthetic), I was pretty lucid on the evening following my surgery. Maybe you won’t be, but you know what? It doesn’t matter. You’ll be ok. I saw people on the ward vastly improve – from not being able to walk or speak, to shuffling round and having conversations – just in the space of a few days. Neuroplasticity, is what that is. The brain is a wonderful, tough ol’ thing. Even if you feel a million miles away from where you were, you will be back.

But go easy on yourself...

This was the biggest mistake I made with Surgery Round 1. I was so determined to just get back to how it was before that I ended up running myself into the ground. I made myself incredibly ill. I was having giant seizures once a month (not that frequent, but still), and I was miserable. The most frustrating part of post-surgery life is trying to do things that you normally wouldn’t think twice about, and not being able to do it at all. I’m struggling to write this post, which I would usually pull out of thin air, and have been putting it off for days.

You get so easily overwhelmed - last night, right on cue, my nemesis (a neighbour's dog) was barking, I’d just spectacularly cocked up a crossword (rock and roll, right?), and I was failing to understand the rules to an incredibly simple board game I was about to play. It was all too much, and I cried. Over a dog barking. So don’t be down on yourself if you get frustrated.

It will all come back to you. It will take time, days, months, maybe even longer, but the easier you take it, the quicker it will come.

Be honest with your employer, and yourself...

As I’m sure anyone who has worked, or currently works in London, especially in PR, will know that it is very brutal. It’s stressful, fast-paced, high-pressure, and more or less everything you absolutely don’t need when you’re recovering. My tip, in hindsight, and as happened this time round - book in a meeting, go through the sick pay policy in detail as soon as you can. When you have work worries boxed-off you can put it away and concentrate on getting yourself healthy.

When you do go back, you may vastly overestimate how much you’re capable of. I was offered a phased return, and for god’s sake take it. You should also be offered the services of a vocational rehab team, who will make sure that your workplace is adjusted to suit any new requirements, and just to protect you in general. It can be a tricky business being ill and employed. Take all the help they offer you.

Most of all though, remember: Work isn’t everything. Health comes first.

Stuff to do…

When I was coaching Alex on what to expect based on last time, I realised that I didn’t actually have any recollection of what I’d done for entertainment. So I went in to hospital with a fully loaded iPad and Kindle, a couple of board games, the kitchen sink, and I didn’t use any of it.

I was so tired, and so full of drowsy pain relief, that I just didn’t really do anything. I had a steady stream of visitors, which kept me thoroughly entertained, but that was it.

Now I’ve been home for just over a week, I’ve started tackling one of those Take a Break puzzle books. Going analogue is much better than staring at a phone screen all day. I’ve never been much cop at Sudoku, so I’m trying to remind myself of this when I want to throw it out of the window. I’ve been having visitors, but am trying to ration these in the interests of not overdoing it.

Otherwise I’ve just been sleeping, resting, spending time with/having an eye kept on me by Alex, and gradually increasing the amount I exert myself without overdoing it – a walk to Tesco, to a local lunch place, a stroll to the park. Every time a bit further. Building up, slowly but surely.

I even went out on Saturday! For 45 whole minutes… a condensed night out, if you will. Door to door in two hours. Photo below. That’s Fiona on the right, my terrific boss (and pal, obviously) - it was her birthday party, and it was fabulous. The chap on the left is Alex. Fiona introduced us, they went to university together. He’s ok, I guess. Anyway, this night proved a good exercise in not overdoing it. I felt 100% fine. I could have stayed, I wanted to stay. But I knew that I had to knock it on the head, so we very firmly limited it to three quarters of an hour of fun. This is another way that recovery can do you over a bit. You’ll have times where you’re like “OH HEY, THIS IS FINE, I’M OK!”, but a few hours later just be so unbelievably tired. Go steady, enforce rest.

Here we are, in full technicolor, because it would be a crime to kill any of the glorious hues at play in this photo:

Anyway. That, is what I’ve learned. There’s probably many, many more tips, but on account of recently having had brain surgery, I can’t really bring any of them to mind. I think I can let myself off for that!

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tortuga-aak · 6 years

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We talked to the chief investment strategist at $920 billion fund giant Invesco about where you should invest right now (IVZ)

Kristina Hooper is chief investment strategist of $917 billion Invesco and has two decades' experience.

She sat down with Business Insider to talk stocks, tax reform, and monetary policy.

With over two decades' experience in investing and wealth management, Kristina Hooper has seen more than a few market booms and busts.

Now the chief investment strategist for Invesco, a $917.5 billion investment-management company based in Atlanta, Hooper is optimistic that the current market rally will continue.

Business Insider Executive Editor Sara Silverstein recently caught up with Hooper for an episode of "The Bottom Line" to talk US stocks, emerging markets, tax reform, and the Federal Reserve.

This transcript has been lightly edited for clarity and length.

Sara Silverstein: The first thing I want to ask you about it market valuations. Can this bull keep going or have we finally reached a point where it's enough?

Kristina Hooper: This bull can go on for a while, but I do think every day this rally continues, there's more vulnerability.

This bull can go on for a while, but I do think every day this rally continues there's more vulnerability.

We've got very stretched valuations, 17.9 times trailing price-earnings ratio. That's a little scary. That's compared to a 10-year average of 14.1 times earnings. There's vulnerability there.

I'd also argue that so much of the run-up has been due to expectations. You could almost say that the stock market is priced for legislative perfection, and I'm not sure we're going to get close to legislative perfection. So there's vulnerability there, but it doesn't mean the stock market can't run. In fact, there are two key drivers: It's still a very accommodative monetary policy, as well as a global economic-growth environment that's pretty significant.

Silverstein: You have three things that you say could disrupt the equity environment. What are they?

Hooper: This is really more to think about over the longer term, but there are three drivers of disruption going forward.

One we've already seen a lot of, and that's geopolitical disruption. We have great wealth inequality, which has led to a lot of populism movements around the world focused on deglobalization, and that can create some level of disruption. We've already seen a bit of that with the Brexit negotiations.

In general, geopolitical disruption is something we want to pay attention to, whether it's North Korea or in the US. Added to that we have the potential for monetary-policy disruption. Because we've lived through this for the past 10 years, I don't think many people take a step back and realize just how experimental what we've been through is. This really was an experiment. The idea of quantitative easing — large-scale asset purchases by a central bank — that was as obscure as helicopter money back a few decades ago.

As a result of our desperation, post-global-financial crisis, we invoked quantitative easing and now we have this giant balance sheet. We went from $800 billion to $4.6 trillion. Now we have to unwind it. We have to realize there were a lot of unintended consequences as the balance sheet grew, and there could be some unintended consequences as we normalize the balance sheets. While my base case is not monetary-policy disruption, I do think there's a distinct minority case for monetary-policy disruption, so we're going to want to watch that very closely.

We're on the cusp of a lot of technological innovation. I think of driverless cars and how, before we know it, we're going to see them being tested in New York City.

Finally, the third thing — which is probably the most long-lasting of the three — is innovation-driven disruption. We're on the cusp of a lot of technological innovation. I think of driverless cars and how, before we know it, we're going to see them being tested in New York City.

Think about artificial intelligence, how that's changing and disrupting industries. That's likely to have one impact on the economy in terms of structural unemployment. The Uber driver, in four years, might not have a job. Similarly, we saw a newspaper-delivery person who is probably losing their job today because most people are getting it delivered on the iPads.

We're going to be experiencing a lot of structural changes in our economy, which are going to contribute to a higher level of structural unemployment. That's why tech CEOs have been advocating for basic income. Because there will be a day, maybe, in a few decades, where more income is derived from capital than from labor. That creates even greater inequality gaps.

Silverstein: You mentioned the market is priced based on legislative perfection. What's the one thing that could make it all fall apart? What's that most dependent on?

Hooper: It's most dependent on the corporate tax cut of this large tax plan. What we've seen thus far is something of a wish list. We're likely to see a lot of negotiation, bartering, horse trading. What needs to be preserved is that 20% corporate tax rate as well as that immediate expensing of capital investment. That's what directly impacts companies, their balance sheets, their earnings, and that's what needs to come to fruition in order to support the stock market.

Silverstein: It seems the market thinks that will happen. Do you think it will?

Hooper: There's a better chance than not, but I do think that there are a lot of obstacles between here and there. I'll also point out that Wall Street analysts are very good at crunching numbers. The wheelhouse is going through numbers and figuring out exactly what's going to happen. It's a lot harder to do analysis of where votes will come from in Congress and how exactly different factions of Congress will shape a tax reform bill. Once we know that there is a bill and it will be voted on, it becomes easier. Certainly once that bill is voted on, it's much easier to assess the impact to individual companies. Right now we're in a stage where it's a guessing game.

Silverstein: When we look at the stretched valuations, is there any place where you see value in the markets, in the US or globally?

Hooper: There's certainly a lot of value to be had globally, but there's also some value to be had in the US.

Globally, if we were to just look at different indices, we'd see lower valuations. Even the emerging-markets base, the MSCI emerging-markets index, has a lower valuation than that of the S&P 500 and it has higher growth rates. The EM space is a wonderful addition to a portfolio — it's a great complement to domestic stocks. It will actually lower valuations and bring up growth rates. It's also true that international developed markets, particularly in Europe, look attractive because expectations are so low. To me, this is the kind of environment where, even though diversification hasn't really paid off in the last few years, it will pay off in terms of being well diversified internationally and having additional asset classes.

Within the US, there are still bargains to be had. There are also areas where we want to pay for growth. For example, tech stocks still look very attractive. Valuations are not sky high when you compare them to historical valuations over the last two decades. In addition, those are areas where we're seeing pretty significant earnings and revenue growth over the next year or two. It's a good place to be.

Also dividend-paying stocks. One message that continues to come through loud and clear about current monetary policy is that it's still accommodative and is only going to slowly get less accommodative.

This is an environment where rates are going to be lower for longer. That means the hunt for income continues, and one way to get income is through dividends. Dividend-paying stocks, especially those companies that are increasing their dividends, that have generous dividends, that's an area to be focused on in the US.

Silverstein: Is there one piece of advice you would give to the new Fed chair?

Hooper: I think that when the history books are written about monetary policy, particularly post-global-financial-crisis, they will be kind to Janet Yellen. They're going to say that data-dependent rate hikes made sense for this kind of environment. The idea that Janet Yellen is looking at a mosaic of data as opposed to just a few factors. Even the way she looked at unemployment and the labor market, she didn't just look at the unemployment rate — she looked at the labor market conditions index [LMCI].

To me, getting an understanding of the bigger picture and looking at all the different variables in the economy. For example, we have a very significant portion of America that really hasn't participated in this recovery — so trying to find ways to factor that into monetary policy makes sense.

My advice to the next Fed chair is to not throw out the baby with the bathwater, to really have an appreciation for some of the policies — that careful thoughtfulness that helped steer us through the last decade — and to try to adopt a lot of that. Data-dependent monetary policy makes sense, being very careful and thoughtful about balance-sheet normalization makes sense, so hopefully there will be some continuation of those policies going forward.

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