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casspurrjoybell-25 · 9 months

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ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS - Chapter 5

*Warning Adult Content*

- Jayce -

After dinner, Dylan seemed ready to settle down for the night.

Jayce made a quick trip to the outhouse, noting that there were now several inches of snow on the ground.

When he got back inside, he saw Dylan had changed into flannel pants and a thermal shirt.

The shirt hugged Dylan's muscles in all the right places and Jayce had to force his eyes away.

It was ridiculous for him to even notice something like that given the situation he was in.

Dylan could probably kill him in a matter of seconds and he didn't want to give him a reason.

He pulled his sleeping bag out of his pack and unrolled it on the floor of the cabin.

Grabbing his jacket, he balled it up and stuck it under his head to use as a pillow.

The fire in the wood stove had died down and now the cabin was only dimly lit.

It was cold on the floor.

Definitely not as cold as he'd been in his tent but cold enough that he couldn't get comfortable.

He tried to curl into a ball but his sleeping bag was too narrow to allow for that.

He heard Dylan shift on the bed and he stopped moving, not wanting to disturb him.

Dylan sighed.

"Get up here."

"What?"

"I can hear you shivering. That sleeping bag isn't warm enough and even though I've never slept on my floor, I can't imagine it's anything but freezing cold."

He sat up.

The bed was a single and certainly not big enough for two people.

There wouldn't be any distance between them.

He fidgeted with the zipper on his sleeping bag, not knowing how to handle this awkward situation.

The last thing he wanted to do was anger Dylan.

He had let his guard down some but he was still afraid of the guy.

Dylan sat up in bed.

"What's wrong?" he growled.

"I'm gay," Jayce blurted out.

It wasn't the most graceful confession and he was well aware it could get him thrown out of the cabin depending on Dylan's belief system but he thought this stranger should know that before sharing a bed with him.

He didn't want to be responsible for deceiving Dylan or giving him a reason to kick his ass and throw him into the snow.

"So?"

"It's just..." he hesitated, trying to choose his words carefully. "Most guys aren't okay sharing a bed with a gay man. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier when you were trying to warm me up."

Dylan snorted.

"If someone is too freaked out about being close to another man that they'd let him die of hypothermia, then they have no business being in the wilderness."

He nodded.

It seemed like a good point and Dylan seemed like a good man for thinking that way.

Could he really trust Dylan?

Right now, he had to.

He had no other choice.

"Speaking of that, sorry I freaked out earlier. I thought you... wanted something in return for saving me. But I wasn't thinking clearly."

Dylan stared at him, one eyebrow raised.

"Who do you think I am?"

"Well, I don't know who you are, other than a big mountain man who dragged me out of my tent and brought me to this cabin in the middle of the woods. I don't know if you're going to kill me and add me to the other bodies that are probably under your cabin."

"I think you've seen too many horror movies."

"Maybe," he said, a half smile making its way onto his face.

Without skipping a beat, Dylan said...

"You can check underneath the cabin tomorrow. But right now, you need to get in the bed. You don't want to risk hypothermia twice in one day."

Jayce got out of the sleeping bag and cautiously approached the bed.

Dylan moved all the way over towards the wall.

As he got under the blanket and laid down, he made sure to stay as close to the edge of the bed as possible.

"There's a dip in the middle from me laying in the center every night," Dylan told him. "You might as well rest against me because you're going to end up there anyway."

He scooted backwards until his back was against Dylan's.

This was definitely the weirdest situation he'd ever been in.

But just like when Dylan had his arms around him to warm him up, he felt content.

The bed was much warmer, and Dylan's body radiated heat.

Within minutes, he began to drift off to sleep.

The next morning, he stirred as he felt movement.

When he opened his eyes, Dylan was trying to climb over him.

"I'm awake," he mumbled.

"Sorry," Dylan grunted. "I was trying to get out without waking you."

"No need to apologize. It's your place and I'm in the way."

Dylan finished climbing out of the bed and began to rummage around.

Jayce closed his eyes when Dylan changed back into the clothes he'd been wearing yesterday, and then he heard the door to the cabin open and close.

He stayed in the bed and pulled the blanket up further so it was covering half his face.

This was much better than his tent.

As he breathed in deeply, he caught a faint scent of musk and what smelled like a Christmas tree.

He wasn't sure if the scent was all Dylan, or if some of it came from being surrounded by evergreen trees.

Either way, he didn't care.

It was pleasant and comforting in a way.

- Dylan -

He walked around the cabin, checking to see how much snow had fallen overnight.

It was only about six inches, so he decided to take a quick morning walk.

He figured Jayce would appreciate some time alone since this entire situation must be overwhelming for him.

If he was being honest, it was overwhelming for himself, too.

He'd never spent this much time talking with another person, let alone having this much physical contact with another person.

He'd never shared a bed before.

Sure, he'd told Jayce about using body heat to help someone with hypothermia but he'd never had an opportunity to put that into practice.

At first, when Jayce seemed reluctant to share the bed with him, his heart had sunk.

He'd assumed Jayce was afraid and would rather freeze than be close to him but it was a surprise when Jayce had instead thought he would be the one afraid to share a bed.

Finding out Jayce was gay made him feel better about Jayce's reactions to him and he could pretend that Jayce's fear was due to his sexual orientation and not Dylan's appearance and size.

He put all those thoughts out of his mind as he reached his favorite spot.

It was a small grove of larch trees.

Their needles had turned from bright yellow to a deep gold.

Sometimes he felt like he waited all year for the moment when the larches would turn.

The forest was stunning in the fall but that beauty was short-lived and the fleeting colors reminded him that soon he'd have to leave his cabin and face the stares of everyone in town.

He reached out and gently touched the needles of the larch in front of him.

Had Jayce noticed the trees with golden needles?

Had he appreciated the deep reds and purples of the huckleberry bushes?

So many came from the city each fall, descending upon the mountains and snapping pictures on their cell phones to share on social media, as if getting the perfect shot were the only reason for the drive out here.

He felt like those people missed out on a lot.

After a few quiet minutes standing in the grove watching the snow fall, he began his walk back to the cabin.

He needed to figure out what to do with Jayce and how to share his space with this stranger who had stumbled into his life.

- Jayce -

The sound of feet stamping on the wooden floor of the cabin woke him.

Dylan was back, shaking snow off his coat and toeing off his boots.

He had a few logs tucked under one arm, and Jayce watched as he added them to the wood stove.

The heat from the growing flames quickly warmed the cabin.

Dylan was boiling water in the kettle and scooping something into two bowls.

Without turning around, he spoke.

"Get up if you want to eat. I'm not bringing you breakfast in bed."

Jayce didn't know whether to be amused or pissed off by Dylan's abruptness.

The man had rescued him and was kind enough to share his food and his bed but he certainly wasn't cheerful or welcoming.

Jayce got up and sat in the chair at the small table and a moment later Dylan set a bowl in front of him.

It was oatmeal and the scent of cinnamon and maple syrup filled the air.

"Thank you."

Dylan didn't respond.

He stood over near the kettle and ate his oatmeal, not saying a word the entire time.

When they had both finished, Jayce cleared his throat.

"So... what's the plan? Should I get my stuff together so you can take me back to the real trail?"

"No. I'm not taking you back out there."

"What? Why not?"

He couldn't keep the alarm out of his voice.

Was this the moment Dylan was going to tie him up before chopping him into pieces?

Dylan gave him a pointed look.

"I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. There's a storm coming in and we'll be getting snow the rest of the week. You can't risk being out there when it's actively snowing. If you think you were lost before, that's nothing compared to how it'll be in whiteout conditions with a foot of snow on the ground."

He stared back at Dylan.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Stay here. You don't have any other options."

His breaths came quicker and he looked around the cabin, trying to tell himself it would be okay.

But the cabin was so small,

and he had to share it with a man he didn't know.

A man who didn't seem all that friendly, despite his kindness so far.

Jayce wasn't prepared for this and he just wanted to go home and pretend this whole thing had never happened.

"Hey, I don't like it either," Dylan said, noticing his panic.

Of course.

That was the cherry on top of this shit sundae.

Dylan didn't want him here, so not only was he trapped in a cabin but he was trapped with someone who didn't like him and wanted him gone.

Putting his hands in his hair, he fisted it in frustration.

His chest was tightening and it seemed harder to breathe.

He didn't even hear Dylan move across the cabin but then Dylan was kneeling in front of him.

"It's okay," Dylan said.

"It's not. You don't want me here and I don't want to be here."

"That's not what I meant. I don't like that I'll be stuck here either until the weather settles."

"But you said before that you're not out here to babysit hikers."

"I did, but you're here now. And you're not that bad. Just a little naïve."

He looked up and saw a small smile on Dylan's face.

He couldn't help but smile back and his breathing slowed.

Maybe everything would be okay.

Dylan was gruff and intimidating but he did seem to be a decent guy.

There were worse people he could be trapped with for the next week.

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ilikemcdanno · 2 years

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I had that personal struggle a lot more when I was younger. Shamefully I will admit that like most teenagers when they're young and dumb(the time when it's okay to be young and dumb...within reason still, and I'll cap it at that before I go on a tangent that there's a limit to what is excusable because of ___) I sadly hated a lot of the female characters that got in the way of my gay otp. Granted, some shows back then didn't always give the female characters more attributes other than just being the main male's love interest. But as I grew and watched more diverse shows, read more books, and you know what helped me the most? Being friends with people online. People who latched on to certain characters that the main or popular narrative influenced my younger mind to easily hate. Being friends with these people and coming to love them, I saw their favorite characters through their eyes. I picked up on stuff I ignored or dismissed and a lot of characters I used to not care about, dislike or hate....are characters I see different. I still have final say about how I feel about them because my life experience still influence me but I'm freed from some of the stuff younger me was tied down with. Like...that silly notion that I can't find or like a villain character being villainous because it meant I condoned it....writing fanfic also is a wild ride. Because we write different stories with these same characters. And sometimes in order to make sense of the story we want to tell, we have to shift situations, shift mind sets. And I think Catherine falls a lot into villain role. And I'm not gonna pretend that I haven't reveled in some of those when the mood hit. Though it's always less my anger towards her as a character and more towards my hate for PL and his whole deal.

I did write a Danny/Jason Hayes(from SEAL Team) fic where Cat's not in the best light, I was responding to the implications canon made and the fall out of what I consider the inevitable.

It's a double edged sword...on one hand, it's amazing that a woman is given as much intellect, power, and ability....yet because of PL and other bastards like him, all of that is made irrelevant almost because in the end she has to be the 'Bad ass hero's love interest because that's what I say people want'

I don't think we're mad at her, I think we're made at the decisions made about her by PL but he's not the guy on screen. God F that guy to heck.

Cipher.

I definitely understand what you mean. That’s what I appreciate about running this blog. That I was able to say something/state an opinion, and I had people come and tell me how they felt. It was a nice conversation. I feel like I’m learning stuff from other members of the fandom. I can’t always be right and I appreciate that others can open my eyes, ya know?

And I appreciate you telling me your experience. As I’ve grown up and especially since I’ve been on Tumblr (basically a place that records all of my thoughts and my fandom phases) I’ve had a lot of learning to do. Everyday I am still am, XD.

And of course, PL always gets brought up for multiple reasons. And I’ve always seen many times where the writing on a character (or show) is criticized. Not so much the actor(s), but rather the writers. So in this case PL.

I’ve talked endlessly about certain aspects of the show that has suffered as the years went on. And as much as I love this show, it’s not perfect. PL isn’t the best as portraying women or having them be more than a love interest, like you stated. A lot of the things concerning love interests/relationships could of been handled better. But that’s a whole other longgg post.

Thank you again :3

#rambling rambling on my end #cipher #asks

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asbigastheskybook · 6 years

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The one where Tak and Emory go to a party in their kigurimi

Spring break had come and gone and on a foggy night in early April, the Shark and the Hedgehog sauntered up the dark streets of Berkeley, walking from Shattuck BART to Haste, up to College Avenue. They held hands as they walked in shadows, enjoying the quiet spring night once they were above Telegraph. They were headed to a place near the Julia Morgan building for a party put on by the Pan-Asian student union. It was to be an Animal Onesie themed party to raise money for a member of the union who was battling leukemia while trying to finish her masters degree. They wore the onesies Emory’s aspiring fashion designer little sister had sewn them. Emory hadn't wanted to go at all but Tak pointed out that nearly everyone there was going to be an Asian nerd which made Emory feel a little less out of place than he did at other college parties full of red cup woo-bros.

Neither of them wanted to be sober, and neither of them wanted to try to find parking in Elmwood, and neither of them wanted to shell out for a driver so they walked, choosing to wear the onesies instead of carrying a backpack and trying to keep track of it all night. They had just reached College Avenue and were nearly there when some asshole in a yellow hummer screeched to a stop where they were crossing the street, revved his engine, rolled down the window and screamed,

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY YOU FUCKIN CHING CHONG FAGGOTS!” And as soon as their toes touched the sidewalk on the other side of the intersection he peeled out, fishtailing over the narrow suburban streets.

“Jesus what the fuck?” Tak glared at the tail lights.

“Well he does drive a hummer.” Emory shrugged and looked at his shoes.

“I hope he chokes on a bag of sweaty dicks,” Tak grumbled.

“Hey,” Emory stopped and looked at Tak “Don't let that shitbag ruin your night. He means nothing.”

“I am trying not to. I was a little scared, Em. I forget that not everyone, even in Berkeley, is cool with gay dudes or Asians. Or gay Asians.” Tak kicked at some leaves on the sidewalk.

“Gaysians,” Emory corrected.

Tak laughed so hard he snorted. “Emory, I don't know what I would do without your smart ass.” He draped his long shark fins over the stout hedgehog.”We’re almost there, lets get baked.” He brought out his vape. Tak had brought an Indica, super stupid and stoney, not meant for anyone who had anything important to do today or probably tomorrow either. The plan was to get as high as possible in order to tolerate the crowds of other Asian students in fuzzy animal suits dancing to K-Pop. Tak had originally planned not to go, despite being regularly involved with the organization, but then someone had made a comment about him not really being that Asian and he wasn't about to take any shit from some third gen kid who didnt even speak his own language fluently when Tak, despite mostly appearing black, spoke nearly fluent Japanese.

They strolled another block to the party, several animals outside chatting over loud music emanating from inside. There was a gaggle of Japanese girls in matching unicorn onesies, a kangaroo, a corgi, a giraffe, two Pikachus, and a Totoro.

“I didn't know we could wear character onesies.” Tak pouted.

“Yeah that's bullshit, they said animals. I wanted to be Cthulhu.” Emory scowled, but not seriously. The Indica was taking over, and shuffling into the building was taking concentration. They shouldered their way inside and headed straight to the makeshift bar where they got juices, Ramune for Tak and grass jelly for Emory. Nearby tables held all sorts of snacks from the Asian market. There was dried squid, onigiri, rice crackers, wasabi peas, dumplings, etc. Not even the worse case of the munchies could convince Emory to eat party food that other people had touched and then put their hands to their mouths, and then back to the bowl. Gross.

The plan was to make a loop to say hello, then make another loop to say goodbye and then get the fuck out. Tak knew most people here and Emory knew a fair bit as well, but this was the first time they had gone to a college party as a couple and Emory gave no fucks what people thought, but he could tell Tak wasn't completely there yet, and considering the incident with the hummer bro, he tread carefully.

So it was a bit of a jolt when Emory introduced Tak to two vietnamese guys, Tu (Husky dog) and Rithi (racoon), as his boyfriend. Tak froze up when Tu offered out a fist to bump, and Emory caught a glimpse of Tak’s hesitation. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, but he was a little indignant. He tried to remember that Tak and he were both super high and not to trip out and what-if the hell out of a little hesitation for a handshake. It wasn't until after they had finished chatting with Tu and Rithi and Tak still wouldn't meet his eyes that he started to get pissed.

Emory spotted a back hallway leading to a door and without a word grabbed Tak’s fin in his paw and dragged him to it. He lugged the shark into the hall, glowering, before opening the door and yanking Tak inside.

It was not a back door to the outside as Emory had hoped, it was a closet. There was a mop and bucket, some big box size packages of toilet paper and paper towels, and other relevant miscellany. A bare bulb glowed from the ceiling. Emory, flustered at this development, quickly reached to lock the door behind them.

“Tak, what the fuck. I can't tell people you're my boyfriend here?” Emory asked, hurt and accusatory.

“I'm sorry I did that. I really am. I don't know why I did that.” Tak said, clearly grappling with being just a little too high for the conversation.

“If you don't want to be out at a party, you have to tell me before we get there. I don’t have a problem keeping it under wraps, especially if you don't feel safe, but you have to let me know, Tak,” Emory breathed hard through his nose when he finished speaking.

“ I do. I did. I do.” Tak stammered. It was unlike him to drop his eyes and struggle. “I,.. Emory, that was the first time anyone ever called me a faggot. I'm not joking when I say that Hummer dude scared me. I don't want to get beat up and murdered just for being in love with you. I started spacing out on the walk over here thinking about what I would do if someone tried to fuck with us. I thought about what I’d do if someone hurt you. I started just spiraling into worst case scenarios and thinking about how I take our safety for granted here. I was buggin’ out and I shut down. I'm a little too high, Im sorry,” he heaved a heavy sigh.

“For being in love with you” played on a loop in Emory’s mind as his eyes traced over Tak’s countenance, his slumped shoulders, tucked chin, arms hanging at his sides. He’d never get used to the way those words made him feel.

“UGH I can't be mad. There isn't anything to be mad about. I just want you to tell me if you don't feel safe or it there is something you need from me before we go places. I don't want to push you to be out everywhere we go but you do need to give me the heads up. I feel like an asshole for assuming without asking if we were out here,” Emory folded his arms across his chest but his eyes were soft.”I cant fight with you while you’re wearing a shark suit.”

“I want to be out here. There’s no reason to hide here. We aren’t even the only queers here. I want to show you off to people and make them hella jealous...I think being super stoned just made me paranoid. One toke over the line, man,” Tak shrugged.

Emory covered his mouth and his shoulders shook.

“What?” Tak crowded his eyebrows together.

Emory started to laugh behind his hand. “Its just that Im locked in closet with a giant in a shark suit, having a serious conversation about my relationship while Im dressed as a hedgehog, and Im super high.” He started to laugh harder, “You can’t make this shit up.”

Tak took a moment to view the situation from outside himself and yes, it was very, very hilarious. He began to giggle, then laugh, then gasp between bouts of belly laughs.

Emory watched Tak laughing and felt all warm and gooey in his chest. He want to kiss him, right now. He stepped closer, grabbing a fistful of shark suit in each hand and yanked Tak close. Tak’s laugh stopped but his smile went on for eons. Emory had the look. That look. Tak knew that he was going to do anything Emory asked when he saw that look. He leaned in to kiss Emory, one hand keeping his balance, which was intermittent right now, on a shelf. The other hand slipped into Emory’s hedgehog hood, and held the back of his neck. He could feel the heat coming off of Emory through their fuzzy suits as he pressed his body into Emory. Emory was avoiding his kiss, teasing him, making Tak chase his lips, snapping his teeth at him and smirking.

“Give me that!” Tak growled, pulling on Emory’s neck harder until his lips crashed into Emory’s. He felt Emory’s smirk fade under his own lips and his posture softened as he kissed Tak back with sensual and deep open mouth kisses, making Tak want to pitch himself into the abyss of Emory’s touch. After many moments, as kisses turned into lips on necks and ears and throats, Emory whispered into Tak’s ear,

“I really can’t wait to get you alone.”

Tak grinned. Emory knew all the buttons to push and Tak wondered how soon they could ditch this party. Tak’s hands wandered into his hood and into his hair. Emory could play cool, but not when Tak played with his hair, that was when he lost all thought being stealthy or tame. Emory’s eyes simmered and he flashed a grin before claiming Tak’s mouth again. Tak rested one long hand on Emory’s shoulder, the other in his hair, tugging close to the scalp, eliciting a rumble from Emory’s throat.

“More.” Emory demanded, digging his thumbs into Tak’s hip bones in an almost painful and insistent way. Tak pulled harder at his hair and Emory bit down viciously at his neck. Tak moaned and his head tipped back, making a loud noise when it landed on the shelf behind him. He heard someone tapping on the door, jiggling the handle. He didn't care.

“Fuck off!” he managed to shout to whomever was on the other side. The knocking stopped. “Goddamn Emory your mouth is going to kill me,” Tak murmured. Emory nipped again and pulled back to see the mark he had left on Tak’s neck, which was not discrete or small. He laughed louder than he expected to and jumped when another banging knock came from the door.

#AsBigAsTheSky #takashibennett #emorydelacruz #mlm #gaybook #gay #pansexual #mixed race

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uberff · 6 years

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Chapter 24

Eric

 "Mornin'," I mumbled to Deja as I walked into the shop with all of my equipment in my Nike duffle bag.

"Good morning. Issa fresh pot of coffee in the lounge if you need it." she said sweetly and I nodded, going about my business after mumbling a quick 'thank you' with a forced smile.

I wasn't in the mood to crack jokes or sip dirt, I just wanted to take care of my clients for today and head the fuck home.

After the week I've had, offing myself seemed to be the only solution out of it. But, I knew that would make for more problems concerning my loved ones.

I laid out all of my equipment neatly across my desk and mumbled along to Jaded while tryna get this day started. I had all my hair growing out, my weight going up and down, I ain't have the desire to eat no more, and shit just stopped making sense.

I checked out all the boxes on Robyn's checklist, I was the perfect nigga for her. She glowed up through me, man. I wasn't tryna force her into anything, our relationship was so organic, I felt like I was walking on glass to fuckin' please her while she kept breaking mirrors in the meantime, playing hard to get for no fuckin' reason. I mean, I know you been hurt the last three times but I wanted to be her testimony, I wanted to be that E Harmony commercial for her, I wanted to be set apart from those niggas but instead, she placed me right in the box, adjacent to all them fuck niggas.

"Hey, Toby just called and asked to reschedule ya'lls session. Tomorrow night cool?" Deja poked her head into my office and I nodded.

Sighing heavily, I tossed my tattoo gun back on my desk and sunk into my chair. The only shot I had at clearing my mind of this fuck shit was put on hold. I loved what I did, especially when I was going through something, making others feel joy that I could never obtain is what it was all about for me. This girl really got my head fucked up.

After Dej hung up with my client, she came back in and hopped on my chair, across from me and started examining my face. I turned away from her before she could notice anything and dug into my bag for my bottle of Henny. "Ricky." she spun me around and sighed, taking the bottle out of my hands.

"Please talk to me, if it's about what I said the other night-" I put my finger to her lips and mushed her face back. "You 'bout close as shit, ain't you?" I chuckled lowly and she gave me a smile filled with hope.

My happiness was always top on her list. I loved the shit out her gay ass, bro. Forever and always, ever since tenth grade. "Nah, yo carpet munchin' ass ain't got shit to do with this."

"Bitch," she slapped my hand away with a small laugh, and got serious shortly after.

"I'm worried about you, E."

"Don't worry about me, Deja. I'll bounce back."

"Not if you keep tryna handle this by yourself." I twisted my curls with one hand and laid back and let her words sink in.

"I ain't got nobody else. I know I always got you, D. But, reporting shit to you over and over get old."

"I'm willing to listen. You're self-destructing by the week. Each time I see you, it's worse. Talk."

"You know the situation with shawty."

"I do. I also know that you've never been going through such a drought over a girl. That's usually my role."

"How you and Shellz?" I asked and she sucked her teeth. "Fuck how me and her are doing. I don't care about that right now. All I know is that if I lose you, bro-"

"You not gon' lose me, Deja. You and my fam always gon' run through my mind before I think about doing some selfish shit." I kicked her softly when she got to getting teary eyed.

"You hear me?" I asked, still looking up at the ceiling. If I look at D when she crying, I was bound to start crying with her ugly ass. "Yeah," she sniffled and wiped her eyes gently so she wouldn't mess up her beat. "back to you and Robyn."

"Yeah, I loved her, still got love for her. I thought we had something real. I ain't classify her like a basic ass Memphis hoe. I'm hurtin' hard." I said truthfully. It finally felt like someone was removing the bricks from off my chest, one by one.

“I did all this shit just for her to gon' and get pregnant by a nigga she told me ain't built for love, ain't sensitive enough towards her." I wiped my eyes and shook my head.

"I'm sorry, E. Come here." she pulled me up and reeled me into her arms just as I finally let my tears fall. "The one time I let my guard down and try this love shit again, man. She gotta fuckin' baby on the way." I sobbed loudly and hugged Deja back.

"She tellin' me all this bullshit about her exes, for what? Making me wait for what? Defending her fuckin' honor for what? Bitch had me lookin' crazy, thinking I was about to start a family with her. I'm happy as all fuck, screaming out my car window on interstates, spreading fake ass news to strangers, thinking of baby names. Nigga, for what!?"

Deja consoled me calmly and wiped my tears which was all cool but, Robyn still fuckin' played me. Played the shit outta me and had me convinced that I was gon' be the nigga to heal her from all the wrong her exes did. I guided her in that direction of her self-worth and she started feelin' herself, treating me like I wasn't the one in corner from the minute her pretty ass walked into my shop. Two days fresh off the plane from NYC.

"Not like it's being brought up or anything, but you know that I'm always gunna be loyal to family, right? Not saying that my friendship with shawty is done because that's sis, but, I'll always be here for you. Whenever." I nodded.

"Now stop all this fuckin' crying before your chocolate ass melt in here, Tyrese." She said and I laughed so fuckin' loud, bro. I was so relieved to have a real one on speed-dial.

"It's still fuckin' with me though, cuz. We grown as fuck, how she still making these baby ass mistakes?"

"You see the way she looks at dude?" Dej asked and I shrugged.

"She loves the fuck outta that rollercoaster of a nigga. Sometimes when you go through hell with someone, you always gon' be curious to know if you ever gon' make it out that bitch with the same person. I'll personally let Shelby's ass burn but this ain't about me. Ya'll just wasn't the ones for one another and you gotta accept that,"

"I'ma try, dawg. This shit is still so fresh."

Robyn

After hearing a slight noise coming from downstairs, that turned out to be nothing, I've been trying to fall back into my deep slumber but I just couldn't. My baby and I were wide awake, frustrated, and hungry as fuck. I trotted downstairs and turned all of the lights on and went to search for something to eat but, my only options were; ice, mayonnaise, and wheat bread. I groaned aloud and hopped on the counter.

Every place that delivered was closed and I wasn't about to cook at four in the damn morning. I shot a few text messages to Deja, Winter, and Odell and finally gave up on their bum asses when ten minutes went by without replies. I'ma remember this shit when they need me to sew some shit up for them.

I blew air out of my cheeks and went teary-eyed, scrolling through my contacts for some hope. As if I wasn't emotional enough, this pregnancy turned out to make me more of a crybaby than I used to be. Jaylen's new nickname for me was Bubbles, shawty from the Powerpuff Girls.

It fucked me up because I couldn't even fight about it, she was my favorite one. I smiled as I thought about all the hell I put him through, he was still my best friend. The fact that I was about to co-parent with his extra ass always put a smile on my face. We're gunna be bomb ass parents.

I finally shrugged and just decided to call him, I always try to give him his space and not call him first and since he lives about a half hour away, but he always comes to my rescue, even if I do call him last.

"Robyn, the world better be on fuckin' fire, my baby better had climbed out ya walls, or you dead, my nigga. What. the. fuck. could you possibly want at four-thirty in the bitch ass morning?" He groaned in his sleepy voice. I involuntary blushed at the sound of his voice and played with the ends of my hair nervously.

"I'm hungry as fuck, Lenny." he sighed loudly and shuffled around.

"Go cook some shit, Rob, a nigga in here sleep. I just got in the crib like two hours ago."

"I haven't went shopping. I'm barely here."

"Pull up. I got some shit you could cook."

"I'm scared. You know I don't drive at night. Pleaseeee?" He got silent for a second until I heard his light snores in my ear. I sucked my teeth and yelled his name.

"You always have been long-winded as shit. Yo boring ass put me right back to sleep."

"Jay!" I whined and he cursed lowly under his breath.

"You at least have an idea of where you wanna go?"

"No." I mumbled sheepishly. "You choose."

"I AIN'T THE ONE THAT'S FUCKIN' HUNGRY!" He half-yelled and I started to apologize to him through sobs. "Aight, I accept ya apology man. Damn, this pregnancy makin' you act so fuckin' lightskin. I'm coming."

"Thank you." I smiled and wiped my wet face. "Your brat ass already knew I was gon' end up cavin' anyway."

"No." I mumbled while shaking my head yes. Not even on some manipulative shit, Jaylen has been giving me whatever it is that my heart desired. It was all mostly food. "Whatever liar. Gimme twenty minutes. Stay up!"

"Okay." he hung up and I smiled, hopping off the counter and going to lay on the couch while watching Dexter's Laboratory.

*****

I finally decided on Waffle House and took it to-go. It was too cold in there. Jaylen and I just sat in his car and ate with my playlist playing from his Bluetooth.

"Thank you." I grinned while adding sugar to my grits, looking over at him batting my eyelashes. He rolled his eyes and looked at my stomach. "Anything for ya'll, man." I laughed loudly and he smirked at how obnoxious and random it was.

"Why you laughing like that, nigga?"

"Remember the night I only wanted the milk from the Fruity Pebbles and I made you eat-" the more I told the story, the harder I began to laugh.

"Hell yeah, I remember that fuck shit. I can't wait till this shit over and you have my next three babies, I ain't gotta do shit else."

"Bye. No more babies for me." I shook my head and ate my breakfast. I could feel his eyes on me as the car went silent, and I tried my hardest to ignore it. His stares were so intense. Eye contact was a big thing for him; during conversations, sex, even arguments. That's what made me fall for him in the first place, his beautiful ass eyes.

"Is it good?" he finally said and I nodded while snapping my fingers to the throwback Monica song playing. "Want some?" I asked and he nodded. I opened another plastic fork and handed it to him.

We ate together and cracked some more jokes until dawn, I forgot how stressed I've been this week and he was wide awake now as we drove through Memphis, singing along to our favorite songs. His ass never told anyone but he was actually an amazing singer.

I stared at him with so much love in my eyes and he looked over for a split second and started rubbing my stomach. "You good?"

"Yeah. I just-, I'm-"

"Man, I love yo ass more, Rob. Issa big ass elephant in the room everytime we together. Sometimes I be up at night, thinking about you and how much I fuckin' love you. I'm cool right now without the relationship. At least I got you as my Ace. Still my homie, my ride or die."

"Same. You don't miss it though?"

"We toxic. Of course I miss yo kisses and yo fuck game but I ain't with all the extra stress and pressure of tryna be the perfect man right now. I just wanna be the perfect father and yo perfect support system. I don't wanna break your heart again."

I nodded. "I finally know what it feels like to be on the other side of that." I sighed.

"Whatchu mean?"

"Eric."

"Shit, I would've been threw myself off the Hernando Bridge if I was THAT nigga." he smirked. "Nigga lost the best bond ever. Issa W for me, he gotta gon' and transfer that L from Meek Mill's checking." We laughed loudly.

"Stop, I'm going to Hell for laughing." I mumbled, holding my stomach.

"For real. I couldn't imagine being around you everyday, thinking I'm about to start a family with you, only to have it all be a fuckin' pipe dream. Trust me, shit ain't easy tryna live without you. Dreams with you in them don't make reality no easier. Had my hoe ass crying with my pillow, listening to One Wish on full blast every night."

"I'm not the shit like that." I flipped my hair playfully and smiled.

"You is. We all got growing up to do as young adults, but when that glo up hit you and you out here handling shit like a boss. Can't no bitch touch you. Ain't nobody touching you now, I won't let them."

"I love you, Jay Bear." I pecked his cheek repeatedly until he turned his head and snuck a kiss from my lips. I gasped and hit him softly.

"You actin' like you ain't never kiss me before. Like you ain't never taste yaself off these lips. Calm down."

I blushed and sunk into my seat, finishing off my food. "We done, Dora the fuckin' Explorer? Can I go to sleep now? It's almost seven." he yawned and I yawned after him.

“Yeah."

"You sleepin' over, I'm not driving all the way back to East Cutty Bum Fuck right now." I smirked and nodded as he started to drive back to his place.

I fell asleep on his king-sized bed with his big ass dog, Zeus at my feet and he fell asleep on the futon right across from the bed just in case anything happened. Time was healing us and I was content with where I stood with him, a place that I thought I'd never see us standing in. Ya'll know I used to hate his mean ass at the beginning of our journey.

I scratched my head as I looked at all of the mess in this house from unpacking. Jaylen wasn’t here right now, so I decided to do him a favor and clean because I didn’t mind.

Making sure that all the boxes were empty before I threw them out, I came across a couple of pictures of the both of us. Pictures that I didn’t even remember taking. The fact that he still has them made me smile wide. Jaylen still cares.

I pulled my phone out, taking a picture of them and sending them to Jaylen.

what you doing with these 🧐 3:37 pm

why you in my shit nigga 3:38 pm

I was cleaning 3:39 pm

you da best 4 that 🏼 just don’t hurt yourself mama & you know how we rockin even when we not rockin. feel me? 3:41 pm

I laughed to myself, tossing my phone on the couch. I wanted to ask him where he was, but I decided to keep cleaning. Jaylen unpacked everything and moved all the new furniture in, but nothing was organized.

To set the mood, I lit up a few candles and turned on some music so time could go by faster.

It was getting mighty toasty in here so I put my hair up in a bun and went to go change in a comfortable maxi dress. Now I was ready to clean.

Between singing along to Whitney’s untouchable vocals, cleaning and organizing every room in this house, I definitely worked up a sweat. When I was done, I smiled at my hard work and grabbed a water bottle before sitting down on the couch and turning on Power. Jaylen was gonna be mad that I started watching it without him, but I’ve been dying to watch it.

“Robby!” I heard Jayla’s voice come from behind me. I turned around to see her running up to the couch. Jayla was just the sweetest little bundle of joy.

“Hey pretty girl! I missed you! What you been up to?” I smiled at her as I sat her down on my lap.

“I made you a bracelet! Look!” She pulled out a beaded bracelet from her pocket with my favorite colors on it. The fact that she remembered was really special to me.

“Jayla girl.. This is cayuuuuuuute! I love it, thank you! I’m never taking it off.”

“Pinky promise?” I laughed, wrapping my pinky around hers as she nodded.

“Man Jayla love the fuck outta you, she ain’t ever made me no bracelet. I’m lowkey jealous.”

“I adore her so much. Your dad ha-“ I stood up and turned around only to be looking at Jaylen and his father. I froze, because I never thought I’d be meeting his dad. Especially now. Jaylen wasn’t his father’s twin but they had similar features. His dad was really handsome though.

“Hi, Mr. Waters-“ I started to say as I held my hand out for him to shake. He paid my hand no mind, pulling me into a warm hug instead. God, his hugs reminded me of my dad’s hugs so much that I had to pull away immediately.

“Call me Jayceon, we family now.” He smiled at me genuinely.

“Nice to meet you Jayceon. I’m Robyn.”

“Oh yea I know, Jayla and this nigga right here don’t ever stop talking about you. This dude always in my ear telling me about how much you mean to h-“

“Aight, that’s enough talking for you old man.” I chuckled to myself, blushing. I was gonna have to pull his dad to the side later on and get him to spill some more tea.

“I gotchu later on Ms. Robyn. Just let me know.” He said referring to the tea he was just spilling. I laughed and nodded as I made my way into the kitchen to prepare some food since more people were here. I heard Boo’d Up playing from my phone and I had to start singing it. This was Jaylen’s song.

“Feeeeeeling! All ova my bodaaaaay!” I sang out loud as I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I would move them, but I was too into this damn song.

“You know how I like itttttt, ain’t gotta tell you what to do.” Jaylen sang in my ear as he rocked us from side to side. I had to snap out of it and stop singing, because it was getting hot in here.

While I stopped, I turned around only to have Jaylen still singing to me. I looked away, because I didn’t wanna smile. My eyes landed on Jayla who was standing there recording us on Jaylen’s phone.

“Cuties!” She ran away with Jaylen’s phone. My mouth formed in the shape of an O.

“How does Jayla know how to record?”

“My nigga 8, she ain’t 8 months.” I put my hand up pretending to back hand him, and he flinched making me laugh. Dude had a smart ass mouth. I bet his mouth got him in hella trouble at school.

“You lucky you pregnant, I’ll tackle yo ass.” I waved him off.

“How many times you got in trouble at school for that mouth of yours?”

“Boy, ion’ even know.”

“Damn shame.”

“My mama told me to speak the fuck up and never hold my tongue for a muhfucka and I’m glad she did. I got a voice, so ima use it.” He had a point, but he didn’t use his voice for the right reasons sometimes.

“Yea and she’s right, but you’re disrespectful with it sometimes.”

“Damn nigga, is you my therapist? I checked outta the center months ago.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“See!”

“I’m deadass. Tryna tell a nigga bout himself and shit. You just like my mama Robyn, I swear to God.” He snaked his arm around my shoulder.

“Is that good or bad?”

“Shit is different. You care for me like my mama did no matter how much shit I put you through.”

“Cause I love your stupid self.” I shrugged as he smiled.

“Y’all might as well kiss already, damn. I’m tryna watch Good Times but y’all over here acting out a scene from The Notebook.” I heard Jaylen’s dad voice causing me to jump. He made it extremely awkward for the both of us.

“Ima go shower.”

“I’m right behind you, cause this nigga mad nosey.” I laughed as his father flared at him while we both made our way to his bedroom.

“Bubba, Jassy’s calling you!” I heard Jayla say as I walked into the master bedroom that was Jaylen’s. I went straight to the bathroom because I didn’t want to hear their conversation. I guess that plan wasn’t so smart, because I could still hear her yelling from the phone all the way in here.

“Why you buggin’ like this?”

“Son, you’re out here on social media boo’d up with your fucking ex!” My eyebrows twisted up in confusion.

“Wait what? What you talking bout?”

“It’s all on ya snap dude!” I cursed to myself, because that’s probably what Jayla was recording.

“Jas, it’s not even like that.” I sighed, cutting on the shower water. This shit was already stressing me out.

I honestly didn’t even know she was his girlfriend now. I felt really bad. I guess this was gonna have to stop. Only time we need to talk is if it has something to do with our baby.

Just as I started to strip, Jaylen walked in and started looking in the pull cabinet. “Hey, could you take me home when I get out?” He turned around with a look of confusion on his face.

“Why? You bored or sumn’? I thought we wa-“

“We’re obviously getting too comfortable, and I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend. You bought this house to raise the baby in, not for us to flirt and play around in.”

“Ion’ got no girlfriend, that’s m-“

“Ok, but you’re serious with her right?” He got quiet.

“Aight, I gotchu.” He said, clenching his jaw before grabbing his bottle of pills and walking out of the bathroom. I swear, every time I felt like our relationship was moving forward and getting healthier, shit would always go wrong.

Jaylen

“Bout gotdamn time.” I sighed, putting my back up against the wall. Man we done spent the whole damn week putting all of the furniture in my new crib. I was serious about getting this house here in Memphis. Shit was nice as hell.

If I ain’t have a life out back home, I’d definitely move out here. I couldn’t wait to watch our child grow up in this home.

“This shit dope. You might as well move out the condo and stay here bro.” Odell stated, as I took in his words. I felt that, and I actually wanted to, but I would lose hella money. Almost all of my clients are in New York... but I guess if they really fuck with me, I would just have to have my work shipped. I’d have to do some big ass promoting out here though. Ion know shit bout Memphis, but the country ass rappers. They hard though.

“I’m thinking about it.. I love the city though. That’s my home.”

“I feel you, but this a big change for you. You got a new beautiful ass home in a different state, baby on the way, and who knows.. God might have bigger and better opportunities for you out here.” This nigga had a good ass point. I couldn’t argue with that shit.

“Fuck you brah.” I laughed, as he shrugged with a smirk.

“What about you, Mr.Knowitall?”

“What about me?”

“Ankle healed, you been training, season coming up, you got Winter back.. where the ring and the baby at?” He sighed, making me laugh.

“Man, you make it sound so easy. I been tryna propose to her bald headed ass but there’s never time. I can’t remember the last time we actually sat and enjoyed each other’s presence. And you already know the answer to the baby part.”

“Tell her to sit her on the go ass down some where then.” This hoe Winter was always doing some shit and always on the scene whenever she wasn’t at work.

“I do-“

“Nigga, everybody knows you don’t. You probably try, and don’t take this the wrong way but sometimes you let Winter run over you bro. You need to tell her ass wassup.” He stayed quiet, stroking his beard while nodding.

“Hit her up.. right now.”

“She bus-“ I gave him a look and he waved me off, pulling his phone out his pocket.

I watched him click on her name and put her on speaker. It rang for quite some time, and he was about to hang up until we finally heard her voice. “What is it O? I told you not to call me during this time at work. You never li-“ We both started to tune her nagging out while I gave him to look. He nodded and started to speak.

“Nah, YOU never listen. Winter I been trying to spend time with you for the longest but you never wanna hear me out and you always blowing me off for shit. Ion’ give a fuck what you got going on when you get off work. All I know is you better be at my crib at 10 AM when I get back to NY in the morning. No if’s and’s or but’s. You hearing me?” I jumped up from the couch, dapping my nigga cause he finally grew his balls back. I taught my nigga well, man.

“But O-“

“What I say?” He asked, sternly as she sighed and stayed silent for a few seconds. Had that ass shook.

“Ok, I’ll be there..” I pressed the button to hang up as O stood up to his feet popping his collar. This nigga.

“My boy.” I smirked as we did our handshake.

“Aight nigga, now go do the same shit with Rob.” My smirk immediately fell, and I pointed to the door.

“I know you fucking lied.”

“I’m deadass.”

“Ion know what you muhfuckas don’t understand about the word TOXIC. Y’all want us to kill each other? I love that girl to death, I ain’t tryna hurt her again. She look mad happy without me. She making big moves, doing big things with out me and I’m happy for her. I wanna see her happy not constantly crying over me again.”

As much as I love the fuck outta Robyn, hurting her hurt me. Ion wanna jump back into another relationship when I already know I ain’t gone do right by her. We stay at each other necks and I’m just not ready for the stress and headaches again. Plus she pregnant with my child? Man hell nah, we do not need the stress. Robyn been fucking glowing, and I’d like to keep it that way.

“I know you hurt her before, everybody make mistakes. But everybody sees the way y’all look at each other. If you love her so much like you say you do, what the fuck is so hard about keeping her happy?”

I scratched my head.

“I ain’t shit and we both know I ain’t.” I shrugged.

“Talking to you is like talking to a wall, bruh.” He shook his head as he grabbed his things so that he could go to the airport. I ain’t feel like driving at all. I guess I go to Jas’ hotel and chill there for a few. I couldn’t wait to get in her shit.

Send me the addy and room # 7:56 PM

“So I got some shit I gotta break down to you.” She stopped eating her ice cream cone, and folded her arms. Sighing, she sat down next to me.

“If it’s bad news, I’m really not trying to hear it. I just got fired from my job over some dumb shit, so I’m really not in the mood for bad news.” She explained, as I started thinking while stroking my goatee. It wasn’t really bad news on my end.

“Just let me tell you. Ion’ want you to have to find some shit out on your own and then you gone be mad at me saying I never told you.” She sat quiet.

“Aight, so.. you know when I told you I could possibly be a father?” She had this uneasy look on her face.

“Yea..” she mumbled, looking down at the floor. I gently grabbed her chin, and made her look at me.

“Well I am.” The eye contact we once had was gone, and she started to look at the floor again, not saying a word.

“Jaylen, I migh-..” She sighed putting her face in her palms. Just as I was about to ask her to keep going, my phone rang. I didn’t answer it, because I wanted to hear what she had to say.

“What you was saying?” I tossed my phone to the side of me. She just shook her head and stood up.

“Never mind, I’ll be in the bathroom.” I sighed, picking my phone up to see who it was that wanted me. It was just Winter, but she was gone have to wait. I wanted to know what Jas was gone say.

I got up, going towards the direction of the bathroom only to see her leaning over the sink. “You good?”

“Could you bring me my sketch pad off of the table?” Jasmine asked as she gave me an uncomfortable look. She kept saying how her body was in pain.

Leaving the bathroom, I jogged in the living room of her suite and looked on the table for her sketch pad. She had a shit load of books on the table, so I was knocking a bunch of shit over. Almost everything ended up on the floor, so I had to look for it even harder now. I ain’t sign up for this shit.

Sighing, I kept looking around for her fuck ass sketch pad until my eyes stopped at a certain group of words.

Terminated Pregnancy Report

I realized that the papers were sticking out of a Manila folder, and the more I looked through them, the more my anger started to build up. Not Jasmine..

“Hey Jaylen, never mind I fo-“ she stopped in her tracks once she seen what was in my hands.

I closed my eyes and prayed. I prayed hoping that God would forgive me for what I was about to do to this girl. I prayed for him to give me some sort of knowledge to help me understand why the fuck this bitch would go behind my back and do some sick shit like this. She didn’t even tell me she was pregnant.

I plopped down on the floor, chuckling bitterly. “What the fuck is this, Jasmine?” She knew she fucked up, because she couldn’t say a damn thing.

“Man talk!” I yelled at her, getting up from my spot on the floor.

“What do you want me to say?!” She inched closer to me as she started to get teary-eyed.

“Man fuck them phony ass tears! Tell me why the fuck you would go behind my back and do some grimy shit like this! My nigga you killed not only one, but both of my fucking babies! You ain’t even let me know you was pregnant Jas, why the fuck would you do that?! Did you think about how I would feel?”

By now, tears were falling down from my face because I was fucking hurt. Twins might’ve been tough to handle right now, but I helped make them so it was only right that I help take care of them. My mama ain’t raise me to be a deadbeat. Ion even come off like that, so I’m still tryna process why Jas would do that shit.

“I-I.. I’m not ready for kids right now, Jaylen. You even said it yourself that you weren’t either.”

“So that give you the right to go and do that shit behind my fucking back?! You ain’t even tell me you was pregnant to begin with! We both was bein’ irresponsible having unprotected sex, so we was just gone have to deal with it!”

“I’m sorry, I didn-“

“Fucking murderer.” I looked at her with so much fucking disgusts. She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to grab me, but I backed away from her, looking around for my keys.

“Where are you going?”

“Delete my number, and don’t ever come by my fucking house no more.” I stormed out, slamming her room door behind me. I could hear her screaming my name as I walked off and got onto the elevator but I wasn’t trying to hear that shit.

I was done with that bitch.

Before I flew out here to sign papers for the house and move in, I was spending damn near every day with her, meaning we was fucking damn near every day. Sometimes I’d be so horny that it wouldn’t even cross my mind to use a condom. I was on and off with them bitches. That’s where I fucked up.

She started throwing up at the most random times, and I didn’t pay no mind to it, because her ass got sick real easy. I started to put two and two together and realized she could possibly be pregnant. I asked her, and she told me no so I left it at that. I thought I could trust her, but I guess not.

How could you have it in your heart to kill an innocent child like that? That shit was foul as hell, and I couldn’t even think straight. My vision was getting blurry as hell, so I hope that I could get home as safe as possible.

I tried to take my mind off of this shit and just face the music. Right on time, Drake’s lyrics hit the fuck outta me.

No one to guide me, I'm all alone

No one to cry on

I need shelter from the rain, to ease the pain

Of changing from boy to a man

As I came to a stop light, I had an incoming call from Robyn. I didn’t wanna answer at all, but something could probably be wrong with her.

“W-what you need?” I sniffled as I rubbed my eyes.

“Hey do you wan- oh my God, are you crying?” She asked, concerned. I swear I just wanted to spill every last drop of this fucking tea to Robyn, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I just wanted to go home, smoke a wood, and go to sleep and not wake up, real shit.

“What you need, Robyn? The baby good?” I sighed taking the phone off of my face, forgetting this was a damn FaceTime call.

“Yea um, I just.. wanted to know if you wanted me to come bring you a plate because I cooked your fav...” She smiled innocently, as I shook my head no.

“To be real witchu’, ion’ even got an appetite right now. Ima fuck witchu’ later though.” I hung up before she could even respond.

After Robyn called, it’s like my phone started blowing the fuck up so I just powered my shit off. It took me bout 10 more minutes to reach my crib, and I couldn’t be more relieved to be home. I did some illegal shit to get here in just 10 minutes, but fuck it. Jail is the least of my worries right now.

Going straight to my bedroom, I decided not to smoke because I was way too tired anyways and my bed and pillows were calling my damn name. Swear my head ain’t even touched the pillow for 5 seconds, and I was already asleep. I ain’t ever been so fucking tired and drained in my life.

A few minutes into my deep slumber, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I opened my eyes, only to be met with Robyn sitting down next to me in my bed.

“Man I love you so fucking much, Robyn.” I mumbled, intertwined my fingers with hers, kissing her stomach.

“I love you too Lenny, I’m always here if you need me or wanna talk.” Was all I heard her say before she kissed my forehead, and I fell right back asleep.

#chrisbrown #chris brown #breezy #teambreezy #odell beckham jr #obj #cbfanfic #yodit yemane

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