#my first oc had illusion powers so im always fond of characters that have the same | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

simplyoriginalcharacters · 6 years

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Theo Dolkura

Hi! Thank you very much for reviewing my oc im glad to have some honest help with it also I apologize for not providing a picture with the profile.

The setting of the world is somewhat fantasy-like with steampunk-ish technology so its not as technologically advanced or futuristic. There is magic and made up creatures in the world but i won’t go into detail about those.

This character is meant to be a villain

Name: Theo Dolkura though his title or what he’s known as is the Blue King

Gender: male

Sexual orientation: straight

Appearance: He has a pretty slender build and he’s about 6'3. He has short, platinum blonde/white hair and dark eyes. He has a slightly pointed nose and his face is a bit more pale than normal. His face is what I would explain as manic or he naturally looks crazy as hell no matter what expression he’s making along with the fact his smile is pretty creepy looking. He has a bit of blue around the bottom of his eyes. Its like bags under his eyes but slightly more blue. He wears a deep kind of blood red long sleeved shirt with a greyish blue vest that is kept shut with three leather straps across the chest. He has light sandy brown pants with black boots. He wears a dark blue crown on his head. On certain occasions he wears all white clothing.

Abilities: he can manipulate and get into someones mind. He can not control them physically but he can manipulate them to the best of his ability. He can create illusions and make them see or not see whatever he pleases. When it comes to combat he fights with a blue blade made of light that comes out of the palm of his hand. He is very skilled in this form of combat.

Likes/interests: he enjoys being in a high position of power. He likes creativity and abnormalities and though he is a perfectionist he sets his castle to what he sees as perfect which would be controlled chaos (everything is crazy yet its somehow controlled in a way). He likes cats too he enjoys they’re presence.

Dislikes/fears: he hates the thought of feeling small and powerless. He hates warmth for some reason this is the guy who has cold hands (and will probably put them on the back of your neck lol) he doesn’t really like change and doesn’t believe people can change. He also doesn’t like drinking because he hates the thought of not being in the right mindset.

Personality: He is very controlling and manipulative. This is very effective and it is how he gets in such a high position of power. He does whatever it takes to achieve his goals and the line between right and wrong is blurred in his mind. He is creative but very stubborn in a way. It is very hard to change his mind once he is set on something. He has no limits to how far he will go and his actions are very unexpected and he can quickly think and plan easily on how things should play out. He may attack head on or wait until you think you’ve won then attack. His presence is very eerie and unsettling. He had no problem with taking the lives of others since he doesn’t put the lives of others into consideration. He usually makes it quick and gets it over with. he usually appears as very calm and stoic or even creepily happy.

Backstory: Theo grew up in a utopian kingdom in the sky. The kingdom trained a lot in ancient magic. Theo wanted to create something of his own and had a desire to create and always expand abilities. and so that’s what he did. He began to study and combine abilities with one another. He liked the ability to use illusion magic so he decided not to change that. When he finally created his own ability (which was the blue sword that came from his hand) he never considered the side effects or the downsides of it. He began to overuse it and the physical side effects was that his blood turned blue. This confused the hell out of him when he got splinters. The mental side affects were that it was slowly corrupting his mind and he wanted to expand more and get more power. His friends tried to save him and find ways to separate him from the ability but this lead to violence and him killing one of them. With the power though him killing his friend was the equivalent of him stepping on a bug. It meant nothing because he could no longer differentiate between right and wrong so when he began to manipulate and use people and violence to get to this position of power he’s in now he never stopped and thought that it was wrong. He stopped having sympathy for others around him.

Ok so I know that its good to ask specific questions and I had a few.

I want to make Theo seem frightening and creepy and im not sure if I captured that well with his personality and im wondering if you could help me with that?

Two other things I was concerned with was his backstory. Do you think I need to tweak it in any way or change it in any way to make his character seem more whole? Also I wanted Theo to seem more human so is it necessary to have his personal liking of cats or his hatred of drinking or should I scratch those?

Thank you so much for reviewing! :)

Hi! This is Mod D with your profile review. There's a lot of interesting concepts present in Theo and its obvious you've put some thought into his arc and how his powers work, but I think he'd benefit from some further detailing. Also there’s no need to apologize for not including a picture of your character - we only require a written description, so that’s completely optional. No worries!

First off, let’s address making Theo seem frightening and creepy. As much as a profile can give that idea for a character, the vast majority of Theo's creepiness will come across in his interactions with other characters (in-particular their reactions to him). In essence it’s all about how Theo presents himself. In essence that means that saying Theo is creepy just means that he should be – showing that he's creepy means that he actually is. Fortunately, between what you've shown of his personality and his powers, I think you've got a pretty great sandbox to play around with regarding the creep/scare factor. One big aspect to consider here would be to think about how he utilizes his powers. Does Theo attempt to make use of his targets personal fears or does Theo prefer to craft his own? Does he slowly build up altering someone's perceptions until they break down? For that matter, how does he react when he can't mess with someone's head? Does he immediately break out the light blade or does he see that as more of a challenge?

On the same token, consider how Theo himself behaves. How Theo presents himself is just as much an influence on how creepy he is as how he uses his powers. Does he tend to just stare at people? Does he have a particularly unsettling way of talking or some kind of verbal tic? Does his own altered perception of reality influence how he acts and if so, how and why? Beyond that, is Theo aware of it or not? Does he take particular care to cultivate his appearance/wardrobe to be off-putting or does it just happen naturally courtesy of how he makes others see himself? As I said before there's a lot of room to play around with his powers given that they affect perception, but including some of these factors in Theo's profile (describing how he talks, walks, interacts with others) would go a long way to characterize him more and highlight that he's supposed to be creepy even before he gets into someone’s head.

Regarding Theo's background, I don't think the contents need to be tweaked so much as expanded. The biggest two examples being Theo's creation of the blue magic sword and the attempted intervention of his friends. As is I don't understand how the blue sword works or what exactly it's capable of – does it just function as a normal sword or is it based off of Theo's other illusion powers? What can it do and not do? It's stated that the sword in-particular had detrimental effects on Theo – turning his blood blue and warping his mind to make him more psychopathic/power hungry – but it's never explained why. Is this due to the types of magic he combined to make it or is that due to something else? Normally I wouldn't suggest focusing so much detail on one singular backstory aspect but given how key this blue magic sword is in turning Theo from who he was into the villain of the story, there is a fair amount of information that ought to be covered here.

Beyond that, Theo's friends ought to be highlighted much more as well. As is I don't actually have names or identities to differentiate any of them, so Theo's altercation with them and the death of one of the friends doesn't really hold much weight. While the inclusion of how Theo viewed the friend he killed as nothing more than an insect is good, without showing the reader what Theo's relationship with his friend was before the blue sword changed him it's not nearly as significant as it could have been. Who were Theo's friends and how did he know them? In-particular, what relationship did he have with the friend that he killed, and how did that altercation change Theo's relationships with the others? Highlighting these other characters a bit more and giving them specific identities would go a long way to establishing the person Theo used to be as well as making the context of his change much more meaningful (and provide a larger sense of the setting and surrounding world for readers to latch on to). Think about including a Relationships section to emphasize the individual relationships Theo had with each of his friends (and family, if applicable). It also does a lot to make him seem more human, which segues nicely into your third question.

I'd definitely keep those aspects of Theo not liking to drink and being fond of cats. Without those personality facets he'd just be a generic antagonist. In fact I'd suggest that you include more of them. Tell me about Theo's hobbies before the blue sword changed him, and how he interacts with them afterword. Does he still feel the same way about the things he likes? Does he still feel the same way about things he dislikes? If not, what has changed? For that matter, how does Theo himself perceive these things? Does he cling to these aspects of his old life out of desperation or is it something he just does unconsciously without even realizing it? Showing the kind of person Theo was further highlights just how much the blue sword has altered his perceptions, and would make for solid additional characterization all the way around. For bonus points, you could do really creepy things with how he engages in his old hobbies too.

One particular note I wanted to mention – despite the world being explicitly steampunk themed there's no mention of technology in Theo's profile. I think this could be a neat way to further establish the setting and give more characterization points to Theo himself. Is his utopian sky kingdom homeland focused more on magic than steampunk tech? For that matter, do they have any technology at all? As a magic user, how does Theo look at people who primarily use technology instead? Does Theo make use of any steampunk inventions or does he prefer to stick with magic? As crucial a part of the setting as the steampunk aspect is, it just seems odd that the influence is missing from Theo's profile. In addition to some rounding out of Theo's character, including touches like these would make for good world-building as well.

All in all I think there are some really interesting ideas in Theo's character. Especially the aspect of illusion magic letting him alter the perceptions of others while it's also been altering his own. However, as is it feels like there's more concept than substance in his profile. The presented ideas all work, especially for someone who is supposed to be villainous/antagonistic – they just need to be built up more and explained further to give readers more to latch onto.

I hope this helps!

-D

#submission #SOC Critique #OC Critique #Backstory Help #development help

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