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galimatios · 4 years

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finally, an overview ramble of fortuna

thread here

—

anyway ftf au is self care. i'll post a thread about it to get my mind off things working title- fear thy fortune, i actually hate it but like, idk, maybe i'll rename it to just "fortuna" for now since that least that's vaguely more Aesthetic high fantasy but like, a blend of asiatic and catholic aesthetics, think gothic architecture, cathedrals, but also golden temples, just, lots of gold in general in the midst of pristine ivory, pearls, roman pillars, dramatic archways and incense i am talking REALLY dramatic archways. the main cathedral inspo?

it's actually more of a complex of several HUGE cathedrals— a maze, actually. the governing body stays in the frontmost building but there's so much more, parts of it sectioned off

but outside the main cathedral, you have a few temples here and there that are part of a popular alternative religion— see, the main religion of this country believes heavily in predetermination, while this alt religion believes in the exchange of karma and fate naturally the theocracy forbids this but in practice it's.. quite corrupt and some officials even go to these places themselves to "buy/trade/sell" their own karma as if it was goods/currency at these temples, priests/monks facilitate the exchange sorta like brokers they perform the exchange for a small fee, and the bigger the karmic change the larger the fee the fee is not paid to /them/ though— it's paid to, i suppose their patron pantheon? i haven't thought this out too much but it's most likely a polytheistic religion in which invoking a particular god/goddess is necessary to facilitate a specific karmic change regardless. these exchanges are very popular, though not every exchange is granted. it more or less depends on the whimsy of the invoked god nevertheless, it's successful enough to be notable, and as the numbers of followers of this particular religion grow, the more the main theocracy feels threatened so they've started to persecute those who follow it, though not entirely because— well. there's an ulterior motive at play here that only the highest of the high council is aware of. those at the very top of the theocracy are actively using these persecutions to generate karmic energy. the more unjust suffering, the faster this karmic energy accumulates so many, many innocent people are killed for this purpose, and those at the top of the theocracy are actually in cahoots with a few temple leaders as well. it might even be the case that they're one in the same— just two branches purposely created for this reason and why is this energy being generated? to feed the "one true god king" this religion of predetermination relies on the myth of one all-powerful god-king that rules the land. it's a brutal and unforgiving religion the idea of penance and pain are heavily tied together, and pain is proof of penance. to suffer in the name of the god-king is to be pious. in exchange, those who follow this religion hope to be good enough to earn a place in heaven i mean. it's very heavily catholic. but like, With Magic. it turns out there's a method to convert karmic energy into a force that can be used at will, just like magic. and the leaders of this religion use it to enforce this theocracy and also play up this idea that they're Holy/granted these gifts by the god-king but in actuality, the god-king... doesn't really exist. at least not in the form people expect. it's not a higher being, it's not even a person— it's a huge golden mandala embedded with jewels crafted with karmic essence distilled into a physical form kind of like— a mix of these, but completely made of metal with slots for gemstones— and it is fucking HUGE. at least a story tall, if not more.

karmic energy usually adheres to a law of equal exchange— you know, what comes around goes around

but in the face of extreme unjust suffering, that energy has nowhere to go— and it lingers at locations, in people, until something happens to balance it out (be it doing a good deed, a blessing, etc) so the high council actually harvests this untapped potential energy theoretically you can do the same with immense unwarranted good fortune, but that's a little trickier since in order to "harvest" the energy, you kind of have to... kill the person? which sorta negates that good fortune in a way, therefore making the action moot i'm sure there's a way that makes sense within the constructs of the universe but it's not Entirely relevant rn so. shrug. either way, negative karma gets distilled, placed into this mandala, and that provides malleable magic energy to the high council additionally, bestowing gifts of the jewels placed into the mandala will grant a person the ability to use magic as well, whether they know about the mechanics behind it or not this is mostly done for people in the theocratic order, but also princes/princesses— these people are chosen via prophecy as "candidates" for the next "god-king"— who is only known as a figurehead and is never seen, because the public's been told they've "ascended" to a higher realm so basically princes/princesses are chosen to duke it out battle royale style fighting for the right to become the next god-king... and they receive preferential treatment for this reason which. is mostly brainwashing and torture disguised as "penance" and piety. the same goes for knights, which are also chosen and paired up with these candidates knights tend to come from horrible situations, so-called "saved" and essentially given to candidates as, well. gifts! they're objects baby! taught to follow their candidates every order. yes. it's extremely unhealthy! That Is The Plan, Though the entire goal of the candidate/prince system is to essentially create the major components of the mandala by, literally investing suffering into specific individuals. this method isn't the only way to produce these components, but it's the easiest to control and after all that fighting, when a candidate/knight pair comes out on top, they're chosen to ascend— the highest possible honor— which. is death! you gotta die baby! the other dead candidate pairs are also utilized for the mandala components each time a major component is added, the magic capabilities of the council increase— i wouldn't be surprised if some fuck was trying to become god-king by continuously adding to this mandala but you can only have so much suffering in one artifact before something happens that "something" is largely the events of fortuna, where a prophecy deems a young boy to death because it is foreseen that he will destroy the system/commit mass murder— confirmed thru the appearance of an unholy birthmark (so they say) he is burned at the stake, but there's something odd about his remains— they don't fully burn the way they're supposed to. in fact, it mixes in with the ashes of other victims and becomes... a pulsating black mass a natural-born curse, or otherwise known as a miracle this pulsating mass is actually a naturally-made version of the large mandala components. it has the ability to convert karmic energy into tangible change— or in other words, It Does Magic but it's... not malleable. it defies the will of others this black mass is locked away, as it cannot be destroyed and bad things keep happening around it. and over time, it takes shape and gains a voice— the souls of the remains of the victims all merge together into a collective consciousness, including that of the boy's pretty soon, it begins to speak, saying it will enact a "miracle" in exchange for a high enough price the temple priests are charged with keeping this monstrosity while also utilizing it as another one of their services— just, very special i imagine their ability to divert karmic energy is useful in keeping the miracle's negativity from affecting others too much, which is why it's kept at the temple and one young boy grows up being this thing's caretaker it's the twin brother of the boy that was originally burned! his name is yonah. which is just, an au jonah with a y. either way, because of his connection to his twin (named august), he can exert more control over the miracle. he's dubbed the gatekeeper, because. that is literally what he does. he simply guards the door to the room containing the miracle, processes requests to see it, and... that is his job. he volunteered for it, fully knowing his brother was in there he wanted to be close to his brother, even in this... weird state of non-death. and jonah is able to enter the room with no adverse side effect— he talks to the miracle, sees, feels, understands that its existence is a state of constant pain it's similar to being like, a pmmm witch in that you continuously relive your trauma while you feed on the offerings of others— the wishes the miracle grants in exchange for a high price and with each offering, it gets ... bigger, more powerful, but still trapped the miracle does not have a will of its own, simply acting in its nature as defined by the karmic laws of this universe— as a naturally made conduit of karma to reality. it feeds and grows bigger not because it wants to, but because it is law it's kind of the karmic equivalent of a black hole in a sense, and the god-king mandala is similar. it draws energy towards it— but where it differs is that it converts it into tangible change. normally this would spell disaster, with all that negative energy but since the mandala is man-made, the high council members managed to control this energy and use it to create whatever change they want the miracle does not operate like that since it's natural, hence the high price paid for its wish granting there are ways to neutralize a miracle— and in the distant past, these things were called curses— not miracles —because they're essentially giant monkey paws that curse you with Suck but the methods to remove them were lost to time after years and years of tending to this miracle though, yonah... finally snaps. he can't handle the its suffering anymore. far too empathetic for his own good, he enters the miracle's room himself and enacts his own exchange take his life, he said, use it. anything to ease the suffering— the first time anyone's made a wish for the miracle itself, rather than themself this kind of selfless offering defies the nature of the miracle, plus august's soul is still in there. So Weird Stuff Happens remember that prophecy august was killed for? yeah. well. yonah's offering allowed august's personality to surface as dominant, and since they're genetically identical, he also... assumes control of yonah's body guess who's back bitches! anyway. he's older now and he remembers the years and years of trauma he's had to experience, both his own and the others' within the miracle— they all merge into one. when august declares revenge, it's not just for him— it's everyone and so august, with the magic of the miracle now under his control, basically goes on a rampage and fulfills the prophecy he was originally killed for. he also personally invades the cathedral and slaughters the high council himself! so now we're entering post-fortuna material, which is another concept/story in of itself, but same timeline same universe, just years in the future august declares himself the true god-king and decides to harness the mandala for himself he basically just. does whatever the hell he wants, completely capricious with no rhyme or reason— not out of sheer malice, but because the pain he contains from all the victims demands it. all that negative energy finally being released outwardly but once the country is reduced to a barren, desolate land, when his work is finally done and revenge complete, he's just... hollow. and he lives a hollow existence high on top of that cathedral. he can't die, he's not even really alive the humans he chose as his own personal court also can't die, and over time they've become more or less inhuman, twisted by the negative energy that runs rampant through the land it's a court that must be put out of its misery august's life is tied to the mandala as well, because... the mandala is, actually what caused the entire plotline of fortuna to start with. although the god-king was always a made-up figure, in a way, it became something real, just different in execution despite everything, karmic laws are still in play. the high council may have circumvented them for quite a while, but you cannot defy the laws of nature so, law demanded that retribution be paid for the suffering of those souls in the mandala. august was that retribution and because he is technically an extension of the mandala himself, his magic can't destroy it. even though his work is technically done (like, the country is In Ruins) he can't be released to finally die either so he essentially is just waiting for someone to finish him off anyway, the plotline of post-fortuna material (needs a name? fortunata? idk) essentially is some dark souls type shit where an outsider comes to finally vanquish the god-king and lay to rest the court he's kept different ways to do that though i kind of brainstorm stuff about it in this thread but it's pretty messy if i do go a gamedev route, different actions allow you to "save" these court members and the king

i think. honestly the only true way to save this entire country is to plant the seeds of goodness by doing good things... by taking a pacifist route to properly restore balance and bring peace to these different souls fortuna/nata is very much about trauma and healing or rather, cycles of pain that perpetuate. breaking cycles. a large bit of inspo comes from the concept/imagery of the wheel of fortune tarot that is why the mandala is A Mandala— it's a wheel. a circle, a cycle to truly free the country, it's not about slaying the sitting god-king, august— but the mandala itself, in a way the "true" god-king. destroy the mandala, free the souls, end the cycle, break the wheel i have NO idea how the protag will do this, but it's something with fire i think. i think the protag. will attempt to exchange fates with the mandala. going back to the concept of a miracle, but this time.. a true miracle, not a curse that's called a miracle. like, an actual miracle the protag is only one person, but i believe... this wish is enough to enact the karmic law just so that the mandala finally— cracks with the protag probably committing self immolation, offering their life to set these others free and with that, a martyr is born, and so begins a process of healing the mandala is broken and those souls inside it can finally rest. august can die, his court can... be humans again. and i guess they become the first followers of a new religion based on mercy and selflessness i like the concept of fire here as a destructive force (the burnings) but also cleansing, healing... like, the burning of offerings, the burning of incense, the cremation of bodies. but also the idea of a phoenix rising again from the ashes i think... the protag does not die. but instead , burning themself on the mandala actually merges the protag with the souls of those inside it. and they're still suffering, but... now the protag can tell them it's okay now, no one's going to hurt them anymore so protag's reborn, very phoenix-like... god i need to actually make an oc for this character bc they're becoming too developed but now protag has insight and MAYBE magic themself. i wonder if this is the birth of like, the TRUE TRUE god-king of this country? like. a Good one i have to think more on this concept bc i love the idea of cycles... i do want to leave fortunata on an uplifting note tho so i have to leave enough hope that goodness will come but also, this new religion is... kinder, merciful. do good unto others. golden rule it still operates on karmic law, of course, you can't Change physics, but i think the framing of it as a force of good rather than evil... is important. like a testament to how hope is a force to be reckoned with, that it IS tangible to believe in it instead of predetermination and the idea of penance and pain, it's important to forgive oneself, to do good, and help others... if you do wrong, you do good to balance it out. still penance, but minus the self hate. and i guess, in buddhist-inspired fashion, the ultimate goal / teaching of this religion is to "break" the cycle of suffering. and helping others break their own cycles. it does different from buddhism in that it doesn't teach that existence itself is suffering or rather, even if it does, the average person can work to break it by accumulating enough good karma to "break" their own cycles across different lives and finally reach some nirvana-equivalent so, different from buddhist monastic practice anyway. i think i managed to cover all of the big details. there's a few other loose threads, like details about the candidates/knights, individual characters, but that's... basically the gist of the entire universe and plot god. i FINALLY wrote it out. holy shit

#fear thy fortune #fortuna

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ohgoditsamy · 7 years

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Am I a clean or messy person? Relatively clean Am I a tea or coffee person? Tea all the way! Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Neither Am I afraid of heights? Not really Am I allergic to anything? I hope not Am I an early bird or a night owl? Definitely a night owl Am I an extrovert or introvert? Introvert Am I an innie or an outie? Innie Am I easily embarrassed? Definitely Am I in a relationship? Yup! Am I left or right handed? Leftie! Am I much of a daredevil? I wish.. Am I scared of the dark? No Am I social? Uh I guess Am I superstitious? It depends Am I ticklish? Oh god.. Can I bake? Not well Can I cook? Again, not well Can I curl my tongue? Yup Can I dance? Uh.. I can do the charleston, the macarena, YMCA.. so uh Can I drive? Nearly!! Can I juggle? Lol nah Can I play poker? Lol nah Can I roll my r’s? You bet Can I sing? Well I’m not tone deaf but I wouldn’t go as far as saying I can sing Can I spell well? I hope so Can I swim? Yup Can I wiggle my ears? Kinda?? Do I correct people when they make mistakes? Sometimes.. Do I have a collection of anything? 50p’s, squashed pennies, cool money Do I have a strong accent? Nah Do I have any nicknames? “Weema” - my dad Do I have any pet peeves? Bad grammar, when people spell it “defiantely”, people who put the milk in first Do I have any piercings? Nah Do I have any strange phobias? Let me think about that one idk Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? Probably 50/50 Do I have much of an ego? God no Do I judge a book by its cover? Uh, I guess as first impressions Do I like bubble baths? Too right Do I like classical music? Yeah Do I like clowns? Nope Do I like my handwriting? God no Do I like roller-coasters? Sure Do I like scary movies? Yeah Do I like shopping? Yup Do I like to gossip? Not really Do I like to talk on the phone? Depends who it’s to Do I like travelling? Yeeeepp Do I play any instruments? Piano! Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Of Do I smile at strangers? I try to Do I suck or bite lollipops? Suck, cheeky Do I talk to myself? Yup Do I tend to hold grudges? Unfortunately Do I use earphones or headphones? Earphones, but I prefer headphones Do I use sarcasm a lot? Dunno man, do I Do I want any tattoos? Some cute flowery ones Do I wear glasses? I did for a year? But now I don’t need them? Have I ever been on a plane? Once Have I ever been on tv? Not that I remember lmao Have I ever been to the hospital? Yup Have I ever crashed a car? Not yet Have I ever got in trouble with the law? Not yet Have I ever had a rumour spread about me? Well if it was, I dunno about it Have I ever had braces? Nope but soon I will Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? Yup Have I ever skipped school? Yup, karma got me though Have I ever started a rumour? Idk I hope not Have I ever thrown up in the car? Uh?? I dunno man How long does it take for me to get ready? Not long, I spend most of my getting ready time drinking tea How many relationships have I ever had? Just the one How old was I when I first got my period? I dunno like 12 How tall am I? 5ft 8? What am I most likely to be doing when I am outside? Walking most probably What am I usually doing on a Friday night? Sitting in bed What are my favourite bands? God um, Arctic Monkeys, Two Door Cinema Club, RHCP, Green Day, Gorillaz - idk it changes every 10 minutes What are my favourite flowers? Roses, Daffodils What can I smell in the air? Not much really, maybe shea perfume What colours mostly dominate my wardrobe? Black, blue, crimson What is my appearance like? Pale complexion, brown hair, blue eyes What is my culture? Idk, white british? Is that right? What is my current wallpaper on my phone? A collage of the same picture of my boyfriends face What is my full name and why did I get it? Amy Helen Blackford, because my parents chose it lmao What is my greatest strength? Lmao probably art, I’m just mediocre at everything What is my greatest weakness? Nerves. What is my guilty pleasure? The 80s What is my Hogwarts house? Ravenclaw What is my most expensive piece of clothing? Uh a pair of duck egg coloured docs at a guess What is my most heavily used makeup product? Revolution Flawless Matte 2 What is my most used phrase? Currently “lmao” or “man” cause I’m a generic piece of shit What is my most used word? I don’t really have a personal word count so.. What is my personality like? A bit bland, occasionally funny, easily pissed off, indecisive, persistent, annoying What is my personality type? INTP? Idk I had to google this one What is my religion? Unspecified, I’m not bound to a religion and I as never baptised - who knows what / if I’ll be. What is my spirit animal? What is my strangest talent? Uh, this is a weird one but if I were to place my hands as if I were to clap them I can make a weird ass fart noise with my hands?? I haven’t got any decent talents. I’m a bit useless. Oh wait I can cross my legs twice too What is my zodiac sign? Gemini What is one trend that I completely bought into? The 90s trend? What is something I can’t do no matter how hard I try? Fucking piano exams. Playing piano in front of people. Guitar. What is something I hated as a child that I like now? God, too many things. Eminem, the colour pink, more feminine things What is the last thing I bought? Other than my final set of driving lessons, I bought my boyfriend Mass Effect Andromeda What is the longest I’ve ever gone without sleep? Probably like 20 hours? 22? What is the pet I would like to have? Just more dogs, oh, and a fox What is the worst injury I’ve ever gotten? Spraining my wrist, I’m a bore What language do I want to learn? I know some French, but I’d like to be fluent What video games do I play when I want to relax? Destiny, Overwatch, GTA V.. What was the last book I read? Black-Eyed Susans What was the last movie I saw? Ghost in the Shell, cinema last night What word do I always use as an exclamation? FUCK! What word do I always use to describe something great? Like anything positive, it can range from “cool” to “HOLY SHIT” Where do I currently live? Near Leicester, UK Which is my favourite season? Summer / Autumn

Favourites

What is my favourite accent? French, Russian, posh British (Southern), German, Italian.. most accents really What is my favourite animal? Just dogs, I fucking love dogs What is my favourite band? I dunno this! It changes every 10 minutes! What is my favourite childhood book? I had this giant bumper Disney book What is my favourite colour? Pastel pink, blues, yellows, greens What is my favourite drink? TEA. What is my favourite flavour of ice cream? Vanilla What is my favourite food to eat on a rainy day? Soup What is my favourite food to eat on a sunny day? Depends, if it’s hot then ice cream! What is my favourite number? 19, no reason it’s just a nice number What is my favourite place on the planet? Scotland What is my favourite radio station? Radio X What is my favourite sandwich? Ham, cheese, lettuce, cucumber and salsa (specifically Subway #NotSpon) What is my favourite snack? Tea and biscuits What is my favourite song? Currently Love by Lana Del Rey What is my favourite swear word? Fuck. It just fits every situation. What is my favourite word? I just came across the word “Idiosyncratic” meaning distinctive, individual and I love it. What is my favourite thing to wear? It’s generic but mom jeans, they’re comfortable as fuck and I have a pair with flowers on so they’re super pretty !

People

Do I remember the day I met …? My boyfriend. The day I met him. Hell yeah he was a weird kid standing on a table - he shook up an energy drink (specifically Rockstar Guava which I happen to love) and stabbed it with a pin so it spirted out. He continued to do this for a few days. Little did I know it was actually to get my attention specifically. How are my mother and I similar and different? We looked exactly the same at the age of 5. However she is very quick to judge people I am not so What are the compliments I have given other people? I like your outfit, makeup, eyes, hair, smile, eye colour, music taste, art skills What are the compliments people have given me? Nice outfit, You’re pretty What do my best friend and I have in common? We’re both gemini and left-handed. This is also my boyfriend. I have a few other close friends but idk if they consider me as close What gifts would I like to give everyone? Everything they want. Paints, anything yellow, games, clothes, anything. What if I could meet anyone on this planet – who would I choose? Bob Ross Where is my best friend? At work, sucks to be him. Which actors & actresses do I trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? Leo DiCaprio, um.. Which teachers inspired me the most? None of my school teachers Who are my favourite characters? From what TV shows? Tony Stonem, Cassie Ainsworth - Skins. I can’t think of any film ones right now.. Who are my friends? Everyone in my college course, a few I met on Xbox Who are my parents? The ones who.. y’know, made me. Those people. Who are my sisters? Just the one, she’s annoying. Jk lmao. Who are the new people I met? – their names and where we met. Kirstyyy!! Met at college and became friends cause she was wearing an MCR shirt that day. Plus all the other folks at college. Who are the writers I trust enough to read anything they write? I need to fuckin read more. Who brings the sunshine on the days I see nothing but a grey sky? The bae lmao plus all my friends. Who is my best friend? I swear we have had this question. Who is my celebrity crush? 90s: Leo DiCaprio, Angelina Jolie, Winona Ryder. But also Kaya Scodelario, Chris Pratt. Mate just anyone if they’re famous and reasonably attractive. Who is my favourite youtuber? Emma Blackery, basically the only youtuber I still have the time and patience to watch Who is my role model? Probably Emma Blackery Who is my secret valentine? Secret one? Uh, the bae. SECRETS OUT LADS Who is someone I admire? Admiration and appreciate for Bob Ross if you please Who is someone that saved me? Nathan, from my cripplingly low self-confidence and ability to speak to people Who is the most intelligent person I know? This guy called Jamie, can play guitars ambidextrously, is a killer at maths and science. Who is the most supportive person in my life right now? Nathan and Kirsty thx u guys Who was the last person I texted? NATHAN Who would I like to go on a midnight adventure with? Idk man who was I just talkin about Who would I love to randomly see this week? Any friends, I love meeting up with friendos! Who would I really like to hug? NATHAAN Who would I really like to punch? NATHAAAAAAAAAN Why am I grateful for …? Who? Nathan? Cause he’s cool, talks about problems n shit, treatin me right Why am I grateful for dad? Cause he helps me out with a lot of shit Why am I grateful for mum? Same as dad to be fair

Music

A playlist for 12-year-old me - Every album ever written by; My Chemical Romance, Black Veil Brides, Fall Out Boy A playlist for throwback Thursday, Bohemian Rhapsody, Daydream Believer, Spin me around, Snow (Hey oh), I’m Just Here For The Free Beer A playlist for when I’m angry - Survival, This means war, Lake of Fire A playlist for when I’m in love - Spin Me Around, Love A playlist for when I’m in the mood to party My House, I’m not in love, Earthquake A playlist for when I’m sad - Everybody’s gotta learn sometime, Kitchen Sink A playlist of songs that I have on repeat - My house, Where the girls at, A playlist that makes me want to dance - Nancy Mulligan, Galway Girl A playlist that makes me want to sing - Mr Brightside, Ruby, Chelse Dagger, Don’t you want me A playlist to inspire me - Anything by Lana A playlist to listen to on the bus/train - Anything by Lana, Twenty one pilots A playlist with the classics - Like a Prayer, True Colours, A song that really speaks to me - I’m honestly not sure A song that was stuck in my head today - Love, by Lana Bands and their logos - Arctic Monkey’s logo is cool, as is Nirvana’s Song lyrics - “I wanna fuck a dog in the ass” lmao just the funniest lyrics I know from Blink 182 What are the first 6 songs when I put my playlist on shuffle? Semi-Automatic, Are you gonna be my girl, First Date, Blue Jeans, Walk, Lake of Fire What song always brings a smile to my face? Spin me around

Places

A place where the architecture made me want to wake up and see the city skyline every morning - Not that I’ve been there but New York A place where the customer service made me tip £100 - God I hope that’s not a thing A place where the memories were unforgettable - I know too many places for this A place where the nature made me want to live in the middle of nowhere - Scotlandddd A place where the people restored my faith in humanity - Scotlaaanddddd How to get to my favourite place - A seven hour ball-ache of a drive to..... SCOTTLAAAAANDDD Places I have never been to but want to see. Grand Canyon, Great Wall fo China, Great Barrier Reef, The Phillippines, Canada Somewhere I want to go before I die - Australia / America Somewhere I want to go before I turn 20 - ‘MURICAAA Somewhere I would rather be right now. - Wait for it.... SCOTLAAAAND What are the popular places in town? - In my town? The cinema, Costa? I dunno What is the worst place I’ve been to? Blackpool. Where is my favourite place to shop? Urban Outfitters Where was I born? George Eliot Hospital

Lists

A list of every single song on the albums released by my fav bands “fav” lmao I’m dying can I just list some good songs here thanks

Stolen Dance - Milky Chance Blue Jeans - Lana Del Rey Trees - twenty one pilots Stan - Eminem Human - Rag’n’Bone Man Nancy Mulligan - Ed Sheeran

I cant think of any more

Every tom and jerry’s ice cream flavour (I want to try).

Fuck my LIFE all of them

Places I would like to see.

Grand Canyon Niagra Falls Cute beaches Mountains

Sounds I like.

Piano Birds Water

Sounds I dislike.

My dad shouting up the stairs at me : ))

Sports I like.

Badminton Basketball

Star signs.

Gemini? Idk??

The first 5 things I saw on my way home.

I only left the house for my driving lesson today idk

The first 5 words that come to mind.

I don’t know what to write

The main roman gods.

Is this a test

The main Greek gods.

Zeus. The end.

Things I don’t own but like.

Self appreciation

Things I want to buy.

An iPhone 6S, I have an iPhone 5S and the home button’s broken

Top 10 episodes to watch

Skins S1 Ep’s 1-9, then carry on. Just go past 10 episodes and finish S2.

Top 10 favourite quotes.

“What, you egg! [He stabs him]”

“Hamlet: O fuck. [Exit Hamlet]”

I probably have some favourite serious quotes but I forgot them

Top 10 movies to watch.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 10 Cloverfield Lane Every single Harry Potter Girl, Interrupted Every single Star Wars

Techically that’s more than 10

Top 10 people I want to meet.

I’m not even sure, Emma Blackery? Bob Ross if he were here?

Top 10 places in Manchester.

None I want to visit.

Top 10 restaurants I love.

Rossini’s, Prezzo (though I actually recently heard bad reviews so I may retract that one), Zizzi’s, Windsor Tiffin

What is the sentence on line 13 of page 23 in the book nearest to me?

The book nearest me is a Piano book and I’m not going to write sheet music on here. The song on Pg. 23 is called Here, There and Everywhere though

What movies do I watch when I’m feeling down?

Kids movies - Toy Story, Finding Nemo etc

What tv shows do I always recommend?

Sk-Sk-Sk.. SKINS

What were my favourite tv shows as a child?

Doctor Who (I accidentally just typed Doctor Whom and I’m pissing myself holy shit), Tracey Beaker, 50/50, Raven, Trapped! Drake and Josh

What words don’t seem real to me?

Albertopolis, Bindlestiff

Wish list

That fucking iPhone 6S

Experiences/Memories

A memory in summer

Walks down to a nearby village to have picnics

A memory in winter

A drunkard Christmas party in which I threw up on myself 3 times, twice missing a plastic bag as it was folded over and the sick just kinda rolled onto me.

A memory with my family.

Going to France

A memory with my friends.

Wetherspoons Wednesday!!

I’ll never forget the day (a teacher) did this.

Made me write a half page essay about a poem as I did not answer 3 questions on it for homework. I completed this essay in about 2 minutes having read the poem, she looked shocked I’d done it so fact so I got up and left.

Memories from high school

“Are you emo?” “Are you goth?” “You were a lot of black” None of this I do anymore.

Special moments I want to witness.

One of my mates weddings, he’s engaged

The story behind my first kiss

The most awkward peck on a street corner as a goodbye, however it was good

The story behind my last kiss

It simply just happened, probably again as a goodbye for the night

The stories behind my scars

I have a scar on my chin, about an inch and a half in length due to a birthmark I had removed at the age of 8.

What are the memories I never want to forget?

Basically everything the year I met Nathan and everything this year for these have been some of the happiest years of my life.

What is my saddest memory?

I recently lost a guinea pig I’d owned for 4 years, I hadn’t had the time to give her attention in the latter months of her life so I never really said goodbye to her. I’ll regret it forever.

What is the first thing I remember?

Being pushed down the slide by some bitch called Charlotte at the age of about 2. I was really pissed and blamed her up until about 6 months ago when I realised I was in fact the asshole as I was climbing up the slide. I didn’t see the problem with climbing up it until recently lmao

What is the funniest thing I remember?

Um.. itS SEXUAL SO... I’ll save it for another time.

What was my most embarrassing moment?

I was on a school trip, they took all of our water bottles off us on arriving at the destination. I was parched as I never got my water bottle back like everyone else, and when I did I drank the entire thing and it went through me. On the way home from the school trip I had to stop the entire double decker coach because I was about to piss myself.

What was the happiest day of my life?

Idk meeting Nathan for the first time and going on a three hour walk around my small village

What was the last concert I went to?

Busted, last May

What was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed?

Breathtaking views from Scottish Mountains?

What was the most disappointing thing in my life?

I’d been wanting a Nintendo DS lite for a good year, every time the adverts came on I’d scream about how I wanted the pink one. Did I get one? No. My younger sister, aged 4 at the time got one.

What was the most nervous I’ve ever been?

Holy shit there are so many examples, having teeth out etc.. Most recent though was a piano exam I was 100% prepared for, in the exam my hands were shaking so much I couldn’t play.

What was the saddest day of my life?

Finding out my boyfriend had done something which apparently I later found out he didn’t do, at the time I was distraught however.

When was I last scared for my life?

I don’t think I legitimately ever have been

Letters

A note to my favourite teachers. You were great.

Dear Nathan, I would like to tell you. That you’re awesome and you should love me forever lmao

Dear 5-year-old me. MAKE FRIENDS YOU FUCK

Dear 10-year-old me. GET PIANO LESSONS NOW YOU FUCK

Dear 13-year-old me. STOP BEING EMO YOU FUCK

Dear 15-year-old me. WELL DONE, YOU’RE IMPROVING BUT SORT UR HAIR OUT

Dear 16-year-old me. Ur gonna be fine, look at u now, cheer up man

Dear 18-year-old me. Get drunk, go on, ur 2 months ahead of me

Dear 21-year-old me. IF YOU DIDNT GRADUATE FROM UNI I WILL CRY

Dear 25-year-old me. I hope you have a house and your engaged or something decent, please have a job

Dear all the boys I’ve liked. Lmao why did I like you

Dear someone I need to forgive. You’re forgiven, whoever you are?

Letters to my future children. fuck off you sperm cells

Questions to answer

A wise person learns from the mistakes of others – do I agree? No, a person becomes wise from learning from their own mistakes.

Advice to any if the new kids at sf. At the what?

Am I a bad loser? It depends what it is :(((

Am I a good liar? If I want to be

Am I a writer? Hell I wish

Am I an artist? I mean sort of

Am I good at giving advice? Hell I wish

Am I happy with myself? Good joke

Am I happy with the person I’ve become? Well from what I was, yes

Am I the kind of friend I would like to have as a friend? Ew no

Books I always reread. Uh..

Can insanity bring on more creativity? I think so, sadness does

Do I admit when I’m wrong? Rarely

Do I believe that people are capable of change? Sometimes, but remember I said I hold grudges so I’d probably not trust you for years

Do I belong here? Belong where? I’m in bed so fuck yea

Do I hold grudges? WHAT WERE WE JUST TALKING ABOUT

Do I have trust issues? Yup..

Do I like confrontation? I can confront people, but I don’t like being confronted

Do I live or do I just exist? Existing, waiting to live.

Do I prefer to be on camera or behind it? Behind, but if I totally had the confidence I’d wanna be in there

Do I really want a cat? Cats are cool

Do I trust easily? What the fuck this is the same question, no I do not

Have I ever been bullied? Sorta?

Have I ever been on a date? I don’t even know lol

Have I ever felt like I wasn’t enough? All the time

Have I ever felt rejected by my friends/family? All the time

Have I ever had a friend turn into an enemy? Idk some former friends hate me, and I hate some former friends. No enemies, no arguments though.

Have I ever had a paranormal experience? Used to see someone walk around my dads house and hear banging in the loft - both stopped around the same time however so they’re probably related.

Have I ever had a public perception of me change from good to bad? Idk, Idk what “the public” think of me

Have I ever had a song or poem written about me? No but how cute would that be

Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? WHAT WAS I SAYING ABOUT PIANO.

Have I learnt from my mistakes? Yes but I never follow through cause I’m useless

How am I feeling? Useless man I should be doing college work

How do I find comfort when I’m sad? Tea and biscuits.

How do I vent my anger? Arguing, shouting.. it’s bad.

How do I want to be remembered? As a decent person

How could I avoid getting hurt? Pretend you’re not. Be sarcastic n fuckin take it like a truck.

How does a (any appliance around the home) work? Well you see, with a vacuum right, you plug it in and you turn it on. Then it sucks away the dirty shit on your floor. Why is this a question.

How I think will determine how I live – agree or not? Yeah, your thoughts impact your decisions, your decisions impact what happens around you.

How would I define my sense of humour? Sometimes dark, sometimes punny, memes, shit.

What am I like when I’m angry? Argumentative, aggressive, talk back

What am I most afraid of? Being forgotten, left behind

What are some things that stand between me and complete happiness? Self-confidence, nerves

What did I like about being a kid? Not giving a fuck

What did I want to be when I was younger? Fashion designer, teacher, hair dresser, doctor, F1 driver, artist.. you name it.

What do I admire most in others? Kindness, generosity, respectfulness

What do I hate about sf? WHAT THE FUCK IS SF

What do I hate most about myself? My huge ass nose, teeth, nerves, personality

What do I love most about myself? The fact my eyes are blue ?

What do I notice first when I see someone? Eyes

What do I think about selfies? Sometimes I take good ones

What do I think about the most? Tea

What do I think could be improved in the educational system? Pretty much all of it, the way personal and social skills is taught specifically.

What do I think people think of me? Annoying

What do I touch first when I stick my arms out? My dog

What do I wish I didn’t miss? Um?

What do I wish for every night? To be more productive, a cup of tea

What does a rainbow mean to me? Usually that it’s been raining, I’m pretty black and white.

What fictional character do I wish was real? None really?

What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Harry Potter or something, maybe X men. Have a wand or some special ability, it’d be cool.

What is an experience that has made me stronger? Getting a job which requires speaking to people

What is an item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? My half 50p necklace

What is my biggest dream and how do I plan on making it become a reality? Going travelling.. I have no idea how.

What is my biggest what if? What if I’d never met Nathan. Would I be a not talkative emo fuck

What is my greatest achievement? Designing the logo for my local carnival? Designing a company brochure (in the making)

What is my greatest failure? Hopefully not my driving test next week.

What is my secret weapon to get someone to like me? Uh. My killer dank memes.

What is one aspect of myself that I feel confident about? My makeup.

What is one thing I am interested in learning more about? North Korea

What is something that makes me feel vulnerable? My nerves and easy ability to be angry or upset by something

What is the best gift I’ve ever received? My half 50p necklace

What is the first thing I think of when I hear the word ‘heart’? FUcking hell.. the heart emoji. I want to die for that answer, but if I didn’t put it I’d be lying

What is the hardest lesson I have had to learn in life? What I do when I’m learning something, it won’t be perfect first time.

What is the ideal age to be and why? 18 forever, old enough to be responsible for yourself, young enough to go places and have fun.

What is the most scandalous situation I’ve ever been involved in? I broke into an abandoned house?

What is the nicest thing about a person? Their kindness

What is the single best decision I’ve made in my life so far? Switching to Graphic Design course over Art and Design cause the people on Art and Design were shit and I wasn’t happy.

What is the single worst decision I’ve made in my life so far? Being emo aged 12-15

What makes a great relationship? A good balance of friendship, love and lust.

What makes me smile? A good joke, hanging with friends What motivates me to succeed? University, the idea of success

What part of my life would I relive if I could? Most of my childhood?

What part of my life would I remove if I could? The old person part, I don’t wanna be frail, ill and dying unable to do anything and it’s just a waiting game to death.

What question am I afraid to tell the truth to? None really?

What questions would I ask to get to know someone better? What stuff they’re into?

What was I doing at 12am last night? Talking to friends

What was I like as a child and how did my personality change as I got older? More understanding, loving, friendly now

What was my favourite subject in school? Art What was the last lie I told? I can’t remember, who knows, I could’ve been lied to and I don’t know

What was the most ridiculous thing that made me cry? My piano exam, having my teeth out, several films, nothing

What will I do in university? GRAPHIC DESIGN BOI I’M EXCITED

What would I change about my sf? My what the fuck

What would I change about my life if you knew I would never die? Uh.. I don’t wanna not ever die it’d be lonely.

What would I change about the world? Be rid of the old arseholes in Government, disrespectful people, terrorists

What would I like to change this year? BE MORE PRODUCTIVE (ironic I’ve been doing this for over an hour)

What would I do differently if you knew that no one was judging me? Everything.

What would I do in the event of an apocalypse? Probably plan a living strategy

What would I have to see to cry tears of joy? Dogs.

What would I want written on my tombstone? Idk probably something funny like “Active 23 mins ago” or some quote I like

When did I experience stage fright or nervousness in front of a crowd? FUCKING. PIANO. EXAM.

When do I feel most at peace? In bed.

When did I last send a handwritten letter to someone? My french pen friend, year 8

When did I not speak up, when I know I really should have? Several times.

When did I witness something controversial and had to keep it a secret? I don’t think so

When was the last time I cried? Wednesdy, over my FUCKING PIANO EXAM

Where do I see myself in 10 years’ time? uh, in my own house I hope

Where do I want to live? Still not figured this one out

Where is the best place to get pizza? Rossini’s omg

Where would I go if I got a plane ticket to anywhere? ‘MURICAAA

Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? Brains

Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? Used to just be girls but now both really

Who do I miss the most? No one?

Who do I need the most? Nobody cause IM A FREE WOMAN

Why couldn’t I get out of bed this morning? Because it’s me and I’m lazy.

Why couldn’t I sleep last night? Because it’s me and I’m shit.

Why do I hate insects? Because it’s me and I hate them.

Why do dogs hate me and I hate them? Wait what no

Will you lend me a hand – how do I think this idiom got started? Because I can’t carry something or I’m confused

Would I ever spread gossip? I hope not

Would people consider me a diva? I hope not? I don;t think I am?

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