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jacksfandomrandom · 2 months

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~Starved~

Summary: Vaggie feels like she needs to skip meals and starve herself after she realizes she's gained weight. Charlie recognizes this behaviors and stops it before it gets worse

TW: Eating disorders!!

It wasn’t rare for Vaggie to have a cluster fuck of negative emotions. She had an insane amount of religious guilt, even though she’s now in hell. The way she viewed herself wasn’t exactly healthy. She didn’t think of herself as equal to others. She thought of herself as filth who doesn’t even deserve kindness. I mean, how could she? She’s a waste of space.so you could say that waking up to these thoughts weren’t her ideal way of waking up.

Vaggie sat up in bed and stretched, accidentally smacking Charlie who was doing the same.

“Sorry, I forgot i had them for a sec,” Vaggie apologized.

“No, no, Its okay, you’re not used to them,” Charlie assured. She slid out of bed and went to go get ready. Vaggie followed her as well.

Charlie had showered the night before so she skipped doing it this morning. So while vaggie was in the shower, Charlie did her morning routine. The thing she didn’t notice though, was how Vaggie wasn’t her usual self. Luckily they had a shower curtain so Charlie couldn’t see tears in Vaggies eyes.

As she was showering Vaggie looked down and noticed she now had a bit of a gut. She wasn’t as skinny as Charlie due to her intense training. If anything she was meaty and a bit chubby. It made her feel like shit.

She tried not to panic as she saw it. It looked so big. How could Charlie ever like this disgusting creature? She used to be fit. The, she realized something. She had been overeating. The stress of heaven and Charlie finding out about her being an angel mustve made her begin to stress eat. She remembered all of those times she snuck into the pantry and fridge. Looking back on it, she felt ashamed. What an ugly monster she was.

Slowly, she stepped out of the showered and dried herself off. The scale against the wall looked menacingly at her. She couldn’t take her eyes off of it. She knew it would make her feel worse but she needed to know. So, walking at a slow pace, she stepped on the scale.

178

Shit. She gained. Tears fell out of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She quickly dried them off. Not only was she hideous, but she was also pathetic.

She stepped off and went to get ready. Her wings very much needed to be preened but she didn’t feel like doing so. Why would she want to take care of something that caused others so much pain? Her wings reminded her of the things she’s done. They made her feel even more ashamed of herself. So she skipped preening them for now.

After getting changed and drying her hair, she walked downstairs. In the kitchen, she saw Charlie was cooking something. Feeling tired and icky, Vaggie walked up behind and wrapped her arms around her waist. She was too short for her neck.

“Hey, hon, You want some eggs?” Charlie asked.

Vaggie pulled away from Charlie’s warmth and took a look at the scrambled eggs. They actually looked really good. They had some peppers and onions in them as well as a bit of cheese. She wanted to say yes, but stopped herself.

“Um, no thanks, I’m good. Not exactly hungry just yet,” She answered nervously.

“You sure? You know Angel will devour them when he gets down here,” Charlie said.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Vaggie said. She didn’t know all that much about health, but she did know that if you eat too much, you gain, so if you skip eating, surely you’ll lose weight.

Vaggie went to sit on the couch in the lobby and wait for the rest to come down so they could begin activities. But smelling the food charlie was cooking made her stomach growl. She needed something to curb this hunger. So she began to chew on her lip, not having any gum available.

Little by little, the residents trickled down the elevator and met up in the kitchen. They seemed to be having fun and joking around in the kitchen. Vaggie felt left out and excluded but she knew that if she went into that kitchen, she'd ruin herself.

Finally, after what felt like forever, everyone came into the lobby’s common area.

“Alright everyone! Before we begin, I’d just like to congratulate Angel on making incredible progress. He hasn’t sexually harassed any residents at all this week!” Charlie announced.

Vaggie could barely pay attention. All she could focus on was how much better everyone else looked and acted. Angel actually had something on his chest, Charlie had the perfect body weight, and Nifty actually seemed happy. Damn, she wished she had good mental health.

Before she even realized, she was staring at Angel’s perfect body.

“Oi tit-less, you see something you wish ya had?” He teased her. She looked away and blushed.

“Angel, I just congratulated you, don’t make me take it back,” Charlie warned.

“Fine, fine,” he groaned. She spoiled his fun.

The activity that they would be doing was going out and advertising the hotel. They would split up into groups and meet back at the hotel later. So Charlie and Vaggie walked down the streets together, handing out a couple of fliers and trying to get people's attention. This one guy from afar seemed to be eyeing them. Charlie saw him and thought he was looking to get a flyer. Vaggie however, thought he was judging them. She had her wings out but quickly put them away. She didn’t want anyone else seeing her angelic wings.

The man did come over to take a flier but then left.

A group of people walked down the side walk that they were handing the fliers out on. They looked like teenage assholes.

“Ay, fat-ass, go fucking kill youself and free the princess from having pity-sex with you,” The group of boys burst out in laughter. Well, now we know why they were in hell.

Vaggie really wanted to spear them but just couldn’t find the motivation. They were probably right. Why fight the truth?

Charlie’s demon form came right out though and she began growling at them. They just laughed at her and skedaddled.

“Fuck, I’m sorry about those boys, Vaggie. You know I would never love you out of pity,” Charlie reassured her. Even though she knew deep down Charlie loved her, the boy’s insults felt real.

“It’s alright, lets just go home,” Vaggie said. The sadness in her tone was incredibly obvious to Charlie that she was hurt by the comments.

“How about I take you out to lunch?” Charlie offered, hoping a date would help her feel better.

“I’m fine, can we go home?” Vaggie asked once again, a sense of urgency in her voice. She didn’t know why she was so hurt by this. Why did she feel like crying? It was pathetic. She needed to collect herself

“Vaggie, you haven’t eaten all day-”

“I said I’m fine, Charlie!” Vaggie snapped. Charlie looked hurt but also worried.

“I’ll see you at the hotel,” Vaggie walked off.

Back at the hotel, Vaggie stormed into the building. She went over to the bar and poured herself a shot before slamming it down and going upstairs. She needed to distract herself. Usually Charlie would help but she had just yelled at her. Oh shit. Vaggie realized that she had snapped at her girlfriend. Some partner she was.

She ran into her bedroom and flopped onto the bed. She hugged Charlie’s pillow. The scent of Charlie still lingered, providing a little bit of comfort.

It was about 4:45 when Charlie and the rest returned. Charlie went up to their room, knowing that was where Vaggie would be.

“Hey, You okay? You don’t normally snap like that…” she walked in and sat on the bed where Vaggie was laying.

“I know, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair to you. I was just having a bad day,” Vaggie mumbled. Charlie took off her shoes and laid down in bed too, facing towards her. Out of habit, Vaggie immediately snuggled into her chest. The princess held her as they cuddled in bed together.

After about 20 minutes, Charlie stopped cuddling her and got out of the bed. Vaggie rubbed her eyes. She was so close to falling asleep.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I have to make dinner. Everyone’s going to eat together tonight, remember?” She said, putting her blazer back on.

“Oh, right. Yeah. I’ll just stay here,” Vaggie told her. That gave Charlie an idea. She’ll make Vaggie’s favorite tonight!

As Charlie made dinner, Vaggie mentally prepared as she dreaded suppertime.

Eventually, Charlie called everyone down to come enjoy the meal she made. As vaggie walked downstairs, she couldn’t help but feel weird. Her legs were shaky and she felt a bit light-headed.

As she sat down at the table with everyone else, she saw the meal that Charlie had made. It was her favorite type of empanada and spanish rice. She felt so grateful. Her stomach was so hungry. It was about to eat itself.

So when Charlie sat down and told them to dig in, Vaggie ate. It was delicious. Well, it wasn’t fully authentic but she hadn’t had food from her culture in a long time.

Halfway through her seconds, she began to feel guilty. She knew it was wrong. Her stomach was already bloating and she felt so full. She froze right when the spoon was about to enter her mouth. She put it down.

What had she done?! She looked down at her big stomach and panicked. She needed to get rid of the food she just devoured. How? Then she got an idea. She was going to throw it up. She needed to do it right now. She was obsessing too much to have patience and wait till dinner was over.

“M-may I be excused?” Vaggie asked, panicky.

“Yes but-” before Charlie could even finish her sentence, Vaggie booked it.

“Vaggie?! Shit, I'll be right back,” Charlie told them before following her. Vaggie had already gotten a head start but Charlie knew where she was heading. To their room.

Vaggie ran up the stairs and into the room. She needed this nauseous full feeling to go away! Running into the bathroom, she grabbed her tooth brush and kneeled before the toilet. She shoved the teeth cleaning stick and made it hit the back of her throat. Not even a second passed and she heaved into the toilet, throwing a mix of rice, meats and vegetables up into the water of the bowl. she did it again and again until something pulled her toothbrush gripped hand away from her body.

“Stop!” She heard Charlie yell. She looked up from the half digested dinner in the bowl and saw her. Out of nowhere she began sobbing. Full blown ugly crying. It was so sudden that Charlie didn’t know what to do. Vaggie felt so disgusted that she needed to do this in order to feel good about herself. Charlie probably fucking hates her because of this. Just seeing Charlie’s concerned face made her want to puke, cry, and die all over again.

“Hey, hey, shh, shh, I’m not mad,” Charlie tried to comfort her. She gently took the tooth brush out of her hand and wiped it off with a bit of toilet paper before throwing it into the sink. It was pretty gross but then again, she’s done worse things with Vaggie when it came to cleanliness.

Vaggie sobbed harder. Why was she such a damn mess? She needed to be better, a protector, but her body just wanted her to wail. It felt like she was caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to do.

“Sh, shh, its okay, babe, I love you,” Charlie pulled her away from the toilet bowl and hugged her from the side. Charlie rocked her, held her, rubbed her back, played with her hair, and gave her a scalp massage until she calmed down. It took a while as Vaggie was very emotional, but that’s okay. Vaggie didn’t cry often, so Charlie just assumed it was all coming out right then and there.

“M sorry, I don’t know why I was crying,” She said once she was finished.

“Don’t you fucking dare apologize for crying,” Charlie threatened, “but we can talk about that later. Do you mind telling me why you were forcing yourself to throw up?”

Vaggie looked down. Charlie still had a comforting hand rubbing her back.

“I-... I don’t want to look like this…” she explained, “I’m so fucking hideous. I’m getting chubby. I don’t like that! I- I- I don’t want to look like that!” She began to panic now.

“Hey, Hey, shhh, deep breaths,” Charlie instructed. Vaggie inhaled deeply and held it for a couple of seconds before exhaling, feeling much calmer.

“M- My depressive thoughts were really bad today. When I showered, I weighed myself and found out I gained weight. A lot too. It didn’t feel good and it made me so obsessive and anxious. I’ve been stress eating too and I just want to stop eating altogether so the weight will be gone,” She explained.

Charlie looked at her with a concerned, yet supportive face. She was very worried for her mental health. She new that Vaggie sometimes dealt with depression and obsessive thoughts but never knew they were this bad. She just wished she knew sooner and could help her before it got too bad.

“Look. I don’t care about your weight or what you look like. You’re beautiful no matter what. I love you for you. I know it may seem small compared to all your thoughts but trust me, you are amazing,” She took one of Vaggie’s hand’s and gave it a reassuring squeeze, “Now about what to do next, I get it if you don’t feel like eating. I won’t force you to do anything but I can help you with the stress eating stuff. Would you like that?”

Vaggie nodded. Dealing with that would probably be healthier than starving herself but she still didn’t exactly want to eat. It’s already become sort of a habit. Twice every week she would skip two meals a day. But sometimes, she’ll stress eat and consume a lot of snacks on those days. So she didn’t like the idea of having to eat at meal times on her specific skip days.

“Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here for you whenever you need to talk about your emotions or just need to cry,” Charlie told her.

“Charlie?” Vaggie looked up at her

“Yeah?” they snuggled closer to each other.

“I love you”

#charlie x vaggie #hazbin hotel #chaggie #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel vaggie #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel angst

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lightlycareless · 10 months

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CHAPTER 34 HAS ME RUNNING IN CIRCLES CLAWING AT THE WALLS LOSING MY MIND,,, HELLO?? HELLO??? naoya just absolutely losing his mind writhing in emotional pain,, incredible stuff i agree w the staff. it is exactly like a car crash and i can not take my eyes away. hes so cringefail mariya. girlbossing standing in between the two of them... very strong of her. i talk a lot of shit abt naoya but i hate conflict and i'd probably start shaking and crying if i had to deal with him so mariya being able to just put herself right in the middle of all that and act totally normal about it is VERY impressive. props to y/n too for acting so normally too-- either that or naoyas just extremely oblivious to body language and emotional cues and doesn't notice them freaking the fuck out. 50/50

naoya detective arc,,,, it would be charming of him if he weren't so deranged. in fact its KINDA terrifying how incredibly focused and driven he was to figure everything out no matter how far back he had to trace it. like-- it'd be INSANELY hard to hide anything from him unless absolutely everyone involved in it was able to be IN on it and know how to keep up a lie to him. kinda fucked!

tho on the detective arc part-- it makes perfect sense for HIS deranged ass to immediately jump to the worst conclusion that y/n lied to him, despite the fact i imagine its still possible the package could've been stolen from inside the estate by one of the staff? as in, the worker got the wolf stamp, but it could've been jumbled up or stolen after entering the estate. not like he's thinking that far ahead tho,,,

FINALLY he sees her w naoaki and we get a whole-ass confrontation-- im going NUTS here this was SO intense. naoya's arc here plays on one of my FAVORITE villain tropes, the 'villain who genuinely doesn't realize he's done anything wrong'. those are always so good but rarely do we get the moments of said villain realizing how badly he's fucked up im SO excited for how this is going

the way naoya is genuinely sure he's not done anything wrong and doesn't realize how badly he's hurt her vs. naoaki thinking he's just pretending to be oblivious to get out of consequences- DELICIOUS STUFF. naoaki pulling the "because you *love* her?" in whats probably intended to be a mocking way and then realizing "oh shit. he does actually. oh this is a fucking mess isn't it" and feeling kind of guilty about it... is it weird i want them to make up at some point too in all of this? god knows naoya needs some fucking friends (besides ranta)

"Naoya doesn't... *can't* care for me... because he doesn't care for anyone but himself." Y/N WITH THE STEEL CHAIR,, FROM THE TOP ROPE,, might as well have just shot him. definitely did the equivalent of knocking him unconscious considering he apparently doesn't remember anything that happened afterwards. i like to imagine he just dropped unconscious right on the spot and they just left him there.

the dream sequence part KILLED me i genuinely believed up until maybe midway through this was real. ALSO HE CALLED HIM BROTHER,,, my onii-san joke rings true,, at the funniest possible fucking time,, wish he'd say it outside of a dream,, the y/n sneering at naoya and laughing at him was i think what gave it away-- i was willing to believe her and naoki went off to finally fuck after all that but sry y/n i do NOT believe you're willing to make fun of him that hard to his face yet. yet. i think you should though some time

but fr this WHOLEE dream sequence is soo important to his character its so good at illustrating the fear of failure and rejection and abandonment-- they're SO crippling for him to such a degree he ends up making it worse on himself and making this fucked up self-fulfilling cycle houghhh its so much,,

naoaki getting woken up in the middle of the night to naoya slamming into his room demanding to know where y/n is-- i NEED to know what he thought in that moment he mustve thought naoya's gone fucking insane esp when he just LEAVES right after without explaining anything

and then y/n probably thought she was gonna fucking die when he just showed up out of nowhere. actual jumpscare moment. also her being intrigued by just how disheveled and awful he looks? me too.

WHAT WAS HE GONNA TELL HER. IM WAILING AND CRYING DID HE EVEN HAVE ANYTHING HE WANTED TO SAY OR WAS HE JUST DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET HER TO STAY,, AUGH,, depending how loudly he collapsed to the floor and loud his crying was i wonder if y/n were able to hear him?? i think she should definitely see him crying at least once-- i wonder how she (or naoaki) would even handle him just breaking down into tears,,

ohmygod i wrote. a lot here. anyways. 20/10 chapter. im chewing on him. tysm for these incredible developments im foaming at the mouth to see whats next

Hello!!!!!

YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS JUST EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED HAHAHAHAH I THRIVE IN OTHER'S ANGUISH.... lol.

Ahem, anyways... 🤭 I'm glad you liked this chapter!!! This has to be up there, in my top 10 moments of the story (we still have others though... but yeah, still up there) and the one I was dying to write for the longest. I don't know if it was enough "punishment" for Naoya, but it's good to see him be reminded of his stupidity :)

His downfall is something that I think many were expecting tbh, or at least see him get kicked down a notch lol He was out there thinking himself to be the king of the hill for far too long, someone had to remind him he’s not that special 😂

I’m pretty sure the staff’s perception of Y/N changed drastically once again, into a more positive I mean. They’re out there admiring how she was able to do what many couldn’t and can’t help but wonder if she has the potential to ruin the Zen’in if she wanted to—of course, that stops when Naobito is added into the equation, but they still like to daydream about it haha.

Mariya is a character I would consider 100% fed up with Naoya’s (or just about anyone from the clan) shenanigans, so that makes it easier for her to stand up to him, although I’m sure she’s still intimidated by him. Thankfully her extensive knowledge of how everything works around the estate helps her out in these situations, it’s kind of like a… “gray area” for her to exploit—something she can use if she ever gets in trouble with Junko or Meiko for example, she can easily say “I was just doing what was requested of me” and they’d be like “unnnghhhh I guess!!”

Besides, she has job security in the sense that Meiko considers her to be the best worker there (after her, obviously lmao) so she wouldn’t dare lose the order Mariya provides; because she’ll whine and cry about it, enough for Naobito to intervene, making him wonder why she was fired, forcing Meiko to say “well, because Naoya–“ and yeah, I don’t think anyone to be in that situation hahaha so she’s safe.

I’d say Naoya is greatly oblivious to body language when it comes to… socializing? Cause he’s great when it comes to analyzing targets in a jujutsu environment, but even then, I think he’d still be somewhat bad compared to others 😂 he's the kind of person that believes brute force overrules everything else, so he shouldn't worry about those menial details. (Kind of like Endeavor from MHA? Like he's a great hero, but in the sense of crime fighting, he didn't really care about making a fan base or anything else really... OUTSIDE OF SHOTO OF COURSE)

And because Y/N has always been “coy” when he’s around, he doesn’t think much of it outside of being normal behavior from her, so yeah, he didn't get any sense of "something's going on" when she acted the way she did.

Naoya being derange isn’t a surprise to anyone at this point 😭 I’m telling you, he does things that under any normal context it would’ve been sweet, but since he’s… him, it’s not lmao. I can’t imagine how terrified Y/N was upon hearing he went all the way down to the post office just to find out what happened with his gift. He’s determined, that’s for sure, and it makes her wonder what other things he's done already—although at that moment, at the same time she was hoping she’d be able to escape this situation… well, alive, she was mostly worried that her letters might be uncovered too. Thankfully Naoya was focused on something else 💀

And yep, the way he jumped into conclusions was eerie, but I think it was because deep inside him, he knew that was what actually happened. He had enough of bad history with his wife to know that she, more likely than not, discarded his gifts. Did he ever wonder why? No. Would he dare to ask? I don’t think so. And even if he did, would he understand? I think he’d feel offended if anything, more so when Naoaki’s gestures had been happily received. Oof.

Maybe if he wasn’t so paranoid (or heart broken, let’s be real) he might’ve considered someone else from the staff, leading him into another wild goose chase; good, this is revenge for what he put Hinata through.

I’m glad you liked the confrontation!!! It was above everything, awkward, cause there’s no actual confrontation coming from Naoya if that makes sense? Like he’s not open to actual conversations, he just wants to know the why of certain things, and if it fits his ideals, good, if not, God help us.

I definitely believe Naoaki thinks Naoya is so… “isolated” from the real world that he might actually, genuinely not know what he’s doing—can’t blame him, he had Naobito and the rest of the family as guidance lol—but his inability to even consider other possibilities is what always frustrates him 😂 poor Naoaki, he can’t go on with his life without being constantly disappointed by his relatives. (Have Mai and Maki disappointed him too? I wonder...)

My favorite part, and I’ll never stop talking about it hahahah, was when he asked Naoya if he “loved” Y/N aughagaga DAMN the skepticism was there 100% for sureeeeeeeeee, he was hoping to hear his brother say something like “yeah, I do” so he could be like “bullshit!” and continue to take out his frustrations, but the way Naoya remained quiet, looking away almost as if embarrassed!!! Now that’s when he knew there were feelings for her—beneath the complicated layers that make him a monster, Naoya was still capable of harboring sentiments for someone else (Allegedly… all allegedly…) and Naoaki immediately felt bad for putting him on the spot like that. He still cares for his baby brother after all 😭😭😭

I certainly feel bad that their relationship turned into this—I can only wonder what occurred on the manga for Naoya to want them (more) dead lol. If he’s already unhinged at 19, imagine at 27 💀 Ah, but one can dream….

AHAHAHAH Him just spacing out immediately after Y/N said that is, ugh idk satisfying and sad at the same time—like sure I feel sorry that his wife was like “no, you don’t care” and I could’ve had her say something like “ewww” but Y/N isn’t that disrespectful; and come on what was Naoya expecting 😂?? For her to be like “omg I’m so sorry Naoya I should’ve known” please!!! She was appropriate enough to state the truth, that he doesn’t care for anyone but himself, he should’ve just taken it and left them (which he did: I imagine he remained quiet, spacing out as he stared at the two before turning around and disappearing into the hallways. Naoaki and Y/N look at each other, wondering what happened before wondering if he’s going to return. Naoaki tells her no, but that she should be careful nonetheless. Y/N goes with Mariya, tells her staff what went down and collectively decide to keep a low profile—Hitomi offers to keep a lookout on Naoya, only stopping when she overheard that he was in his room and has been for the past few hours. They go on with their day, or attempt to, and that’s when Mariya decides to let them know of her secret hideout)

To irritate Ren, I decided that the song that best fits this scene is this one. And just for a little, tiny part before the chorus and Mel B's part hahahahha. That's the only thing that actually applies to their whole dilemma at this point.

Now, the good part… The dream sequence was the one thing I’ve been wanting to show you for a while now hahah I just kept teasing you about it, and I’m glad it got the reaction it did hahahahhahahhhahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I was 99.9999% sure that most of my readers would immediately catch on to the fact that this was a dream, since I’ve never portrayed Y/N to be that crazy, you know? Like her making fun of Naoya is off the table completely; sure, she’s made some jokes here and there, but they’re always lighthearted—or at least I think that’s the impression one gets when reading them—never off the rails as this dream sequence 💀 leave that to Naohiko lol.

Either way, I tried my best to cover the fact it was a dream, and if someone saw right through it, it still served to show just how messed up Naoya is on an emotional at this moment.

But yeah, this nightmare worked really well ‘cause there was that lingering question of whether Naoaki and Y/N were finally going to do something more… intimate. I feel that if I hadn’t worked their relationship up to that point it would’ve easily been like “nah, this is a dream goodbye” 😈 glad it worked in the end hahahah!!!

Now that it’s mentioned, the scene where Naoaki is disrupted by Naoya is ironically funny—it was so out of the blue first he was like “I sleep” and then Naoya comes into his room to ask the most random question before leaving.

Naoaki for sure thought he made it up—he was worried for Y/N and overworked by all his duties that he was like “Man, I’m even starting to dream about Naoya wtf??” his slumber overtook him almost immediately after; had he not been that exhausted you can be 100% certain he would’ve gone after Naoya.

And I agree—Y/N for sure thought she was going to die at that moment, although it was a fear that quieted down a bit for the sake of her staff’s wellbeing… yet, the thing that surprised her the most was to see Naoya so… disturbed—he’d seen him angry, arrogant, a complete monster… but she’d never seen him so defeated. So yeah, I think she believed she was going to die, but more in a sense of shock of not knowing what the hell was going on.

Now, for your last question… Naoya desperately wanted to keep her there above anything else, but his broken heart also wanted to tell her that he did care for her, at least to some extent, if not then why would he have married her? A mystery for sure. If I had to boil it down to a singular reason, it was him wanting to tell her how much he wants to be with her. Happily, be with her.

(No one heard Naoya cry, outside of Y/N retreating as quickly as possible, I envision him to be a silent crier in a way, not wanting anyone to hear him out of fear of being reprimanded more than shame—Naobito as a father must’ve been really, really tough. And if anyone did hear him, they would’ve never thought it was him to begin with.)

Thank you so much for tuning in for another chapter!! 🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ I really greatly, enormously enjoy your asks, they give me so much insight about things that sometimes escape my mind!! Kgagagkak I don’t know how to describe it, but they motivate me allot 😭❤️

I can’t wait to show you the rest of the story…. Another…. Specific part I want you to read (well, more than one, but that one is another favorite of mine) hahahahahaaa

Once again, thank you so much for your support 🥺😭❤️ I shall strive to deliver the next chapters to the best of my ability!!!

Take care, and hope to see you soon 🥺❤️

#ask #ask series: first it hurts—#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x your #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader

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xamaxenta · 10 months

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Nother left field memory that sucker punched me out of no where under cut bc idk i want to get it out somewhere but ill hide it bc im still ashamed of it even tho i have nothing to be ashamed of

I dont know how to describe it but i was a very nervous child with alot of academic stress with the bonus of nuclear parents breathing down my neck to ensure i was the normal kid that made them look good, i am pretty sure the year i got bad grades, like my report card came back , i was terrified of what my parents were going to say to me i experienced some sort stress anxiety hallucination where I was convinced i had watched a man jump from a building to his death

sincerely convinced it was real, the sound, the screaming

So convinced i ended up calling my mom to pick me up from the next block over sobbing and everything, like she genuinely thought something had happened to me, kind of fucked up that this was the nicest she probably ever was to me

But not for long, turns out after a few days, my dad had gone to the local police dpt and inquired if anything like this had happened

WHY he did this i wont understand, like?? What was he gonna do if it was real? Go tell the family off for scaring his kid??? Baffles me lol

But he was angry with me like youre a liar? Why did you lie about something like this ? You can go to jail for being a liar like super intimidating voice raised interrogation kind of shit

Was twelve btw. Idk how to express myself or begin explain that it felt real but deep down i knew after i calmed down it wasnt because someone mustve seen it not just me etc, logically deep down i knew it hadnt been real but at the time of whatever that was it did feel and look and sound real

I didnt want to be punished for lying so i stubbornly stuck to “what i saw”

My parents didnt pause to consider that i may have needed to see a psych or smthing lol they just kept bringing this “episode” up at random times for the rest of the year and getting frustrated and angrywhen i kept telling them the same answer i know what i saw im not a liar

I know the events werent true thankfully but something about my parents totally ignoring the fact that i had been experiencing something really intense (regarding. My fear of failure and their aggressive reaction to that failure) made me want to continue “lying” to them because i wasnt able to safely tell them maybe i needed help because they wouldnt have believed me

They still got angry at me for my bad grades though

#xam scream #but not the bonkers lind #kind*#like word vomit my feelings oversharing tmi kind

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oriigirii · 3 years

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The Brothers reacting to an MC who likes to collect... rocks?

It was certainly a strange hobby to behold, but there were more than meets the eye within these rocks! If you crack them open they often hold such a wonderful design, and on the rare occasion they can probably even hide a geode or two, regardless, you were very passionate for these things and it just so happens that it catches some of the brother’s attention.

(A/N: Ill be doing 2 at the time for now UwU

Warnings: none!

Reader: Gender Neutral!)

~ 눈_눈 Lucifer ~

* Lucifer always kept an eye on you ever since you got to Devildom

* Cuz of this, he was probably the first to notice your... strange addiction

* He saw how you always seem to stop on your tracks to pick up a shiny smooth stone lying on the side of the gates infront of the HoL while he walked home with you.

* Or how you’d snatch a few from the gardens on an early Sunday morning when you think that everyone was still asleep

* Since it was harmless enough, he never really bothered to call you out on it

* Lowkey does find it cute how something so small can already make you so happy, such an easy-to-please cutie you are

* It wasn’t a problem till he was told that you seem to be arriving late more often for your classes

* At first he thought that maybe you were simply caught up in some mess from his brothers again

* Maybe perhaps Belphie snuck you off to sleep again than go to class

* But no, when he’d confronted you he was pretty surprised, and at the same time, confused at your answer.

* “There were these cool looking red geodes I accidentally found on the back, b-but I mustve dropped them at some point when Mammon and I were rushing to class...so I’ve been trying to look for more of them for my collection... Sorry...”

*To be fair you did look pretty apologetic for it and really didnt mean to botch up your schedule, but still.

* He lets you go pretty easily, with a small lecture, but thats about it.

* Although you never did stop looking for that geode, you even pulled Beel to help with promise of a homemade cake to try and cover as much ground, but nothing.

* You came home that day a little defeated

* but much to your surprise when you reached your room, a small box was waiting outside your door and inside was none other than the beautiful red geode youve been so desperate to look for. And... well, you didnt have to guess who was kind enough to give it to you.

* The next day, you do go over to thank him properly for the help, and explain that you had been extremely captivated with that specfic geode because of how it reminds you of the first born’s eyes.

* This boi is highkey stunned but tryna make it lowkey though (pride 100)

* Definitely amused and flattered.

* From now on, he does continue to give you geodes to add to your collection, and would even accompany you on your little endeavors if his work load isnt too unbearing. Away from the eyes of his brothers of course.

* Hed definitely want to seek the perfect geode too that reminds him of you in return that he can decorate on his desk while hes working. Even better, maybe have the geodes crafted to a perfect ring that you two can wear.

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~ ᕙ(`▽´)ᕗ Mammon ~

* Not like youre complaining either

* Today was another weekend, and weekends mean you guys get to hang out!

* Not like you two were ever seperated in the first place anyways, he’s like an octopus that just wont let go

* Anyways, He casually enters your room, phone in hand as he scrolls through various articles featuring his modelling work, he was gonna show off as usual, afterall, this man LIVES for your praise.

* “Oi! (Y/N) Check this out! They ranked me number 1 on the most handsome model in Devildom! And I didn’t cheat the system this ti---”

* You had been busy in your cabinet when he walked in, so you didnt have time to warn him of your mess on your bed.

* Hence why, when he was starting to brag about his latest achievement, it was immediately cut off by a pained yelp.

* Mammon, too busy on his DDD, didnt notice the shiny geodes and stones you had left on your bed to arrange for your new dsplay case, and because of this, (his dumbass) plopped on the bed, landing right on the sharp edges of the beautiful rocks.

* It wasnt fun.

* You had rushed to help him as he started stroking his back from the sting, he was a demon so he was pretty sturdy, but cmon, landing on a buncha hard rocks was still not good.

* You did rush to go get him an ice pack for his poor back, and when you came back, he seemed to have been healed almost immediately as he stares at your collection with a big shine on his own eyes, they can rival the geodes at this point.

* “(Y/N)! Why didn’t you tell me you had these? Don’t yknow how much these would sell? Hell, I can even probably sell them for an even higher price!”

* The rolling of your eyes was very intense that Diavolo could feel it from his castle and you pushed that ice pack on his face to make him stop.

* You did make it very clear that if he ever decides to try and get any of these stones, you were gonna be snitching him to Beel for eating his pudding the other day (You wouldn’t though would you?)

* Still that does shut down his money making plans, but he does question you for it, why hoard these valuable items when you could make thousands of grimm for it? You even seem to have a talent for finding these too, it seems like a huge waste, and so you proceed to explain to him your love for these shiny geodes.

* First image in his head was you being a relative to a crow, or you being a crow in general, because if anything, thats what his little crows do, they pass him shiny stuff they find along the day, of course theyre not as extravagant as these geodes, but it doesnt negate the fact you definitely have crow energy, and hes so down for it. His love for you just grew tenfold.

* But who knew it can grow further? Because you eventually explain to him that the geodes you collected, or the simple stones you had, all were special because all of them hold a special memory. One of the smoother stones you had was the same stone you used to display your mom’s favorite rose garden, it even had your initials that you scrapped on when your were 5, another was a geode you found on your field trip at the human world and so on.

* Mammon definitely had his attention to you the entire time, this boy is smitten and he just loves hearing you talk about each one, he grows a small appreciation for them now and he can understand why you wouldn’t want to sell them away. But then he noticed you reach for a much cleaner, tear drop looking geode, it was a blue-yellow mix.

* You explain to him that this was your first geode found when you went here in Devildom, the first you also carved as it was more jagged than this when you found it, and of course, you chose to keep it cause it reminded you for your first man.

* Mammon was so moved,and he was just sitting there, red as a strawberry and mouth open like a fish out of water, but hes not the only one because you too were blushing like an idiot as you held the special rock.

* He does end up trying to act his typical ways, but he was nothing but a stuttering mess, and much to his embarassment, he was also tearing up.

* Please hug him, he needs it, he just cant help but feel so flattered that you dedicated a geode for him and he felt that pride and love swell to incredible levels, you definitely have him yearning for you even more.

* Next time you go out to seek more geodes here in Devildom, he might just come with you along with his army of crows, and even cuter, his crows would just hand you special rocks every now and then.

* This boy might just start his own collection now thanks to you, but most his geodes will just be dedicated to you

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A h h h hope you guys like it! I know its a weird premise, but I honestly do love gemstones and stuff lol, also yes i did indulge too much on Mammon, hush,but yeah, ill do more of the others soon!

(Art by me!)

#obey me shall we date #obey me Mammon x Reader #Obey me x reader #Obey me Lucifer x Reader #Obey me x gender neutral reader #Obey me fanfics

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annetteblog · 3 years

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Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone.

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??”

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance.

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly.

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

/as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet.

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed.

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience.

P.S. And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian. i like it better and what will u do haha

#jikook #kookmin #what am i even doing here #i'm gonna regret this #long post

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captain-jinguji · 4 years

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Oh my, I need yandere alphabet for Ren😏

I gotchu 😏 @kumanekoworld I saw your request too so here it is.

REN JINGUJI YANDERE ALPHABET

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

His way of showing affection, at first, doesnt change. He would still shower his darling in gifts and compliments, making time and taking them places; it almost seems normal. But at some point, it's like a flip switches, and he becomes more clingy. Always has to be around you, going out becomes less and less and when you do leave the house, he always has an arm clinging to you.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

He doesnt even realize how messy it gets until it's done. These overwhelming feelings of expressiveness and obsessives get the better of him and seeing another person threaten you or worse, try to take you from him, makes all rationality leave his brain. At first, he'd try to hide it from his darling, but he becomes sloppy and its not long before they realize it's blood on his shirt, and not paint.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He would act like nothing happened. As long as he behaves normally, things will go smoothly, right? Pretending that they've always been together and that life was a jolly holiday. At some point, especially if his darling is testing his patience, he might lash out at them and mock their cries and attempts to plead with him.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Oh yes. Love is an intimate thing, even when it's this obsessive. He not only forces them to stay with him, he also forces them to touch him, both sexually and not, because that's what 'real' lovers do.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

The main reason he would even cross over this line is because he needs love. All his life hes been neglected and played; finding his darling was the best thing that has happened and he sure as hell is going to give his all. He becomes open, and vulnerable, always honest with what he wants from his darling and where they stand with him.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He'd become annoyed and not understand. He gives you everything and more and you're FIGHTING him? It's almost like he turns into beast mode and he will fight back. It gets ugly with yelling and he will put force into it if you start to get physical. He feels so betrayed and hurt that he not only locks you away, but he leaves himself to cool off. After all, theres no way you actually hate him. It must've been something smaller than that. He'll figure it out.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Kind of. At first, he thinks its cute how strong willed and determined his darling is to escape him, but he does become annoyed. Why wont you love him? Why don't you appreciate him? He will hunt you down each time, he has connections to make someone else get you for him. There's no escaping him. He is Mr. Worldwide.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

The worst thing he's ever done to his darling was lock them up for a week straight in his designated dark room, only giving them water and not letting them sleep. The malnutrition and lack of sleep quickly got them, and though they lost a few pounds during that week, Ren was pleased with his efforts. A weak darling is a darling that cant leave him. They relied on him for everything for a while after that and that's what it's all about; him being the the provider, the protector, the one you need to rely on.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He really wants to keep it as normal as possible. He wants to get married and go on adventures with you. No kids though, he cant have you sharing your attention and taking most of it away from him.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

At first, he's his natural self. Understanding, carefree, but something irks him inside and he quickly becomes annoyed. He doesnt lash out, at least not in front of his darling; he'll find the man/woman in private to have a 'chat" and publicly ruins them.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Again, he tries to keep it normal. Light kisses and soft touches. Loving words and tight hugs. A typical relationship on the outside. A fairy tale for anyone else.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He's very blunt. He likes it, he gets it. He charms them with words and sweet promises; soft affections and making himself seem like the best possible joice. Prince charming, in a way.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Oh yes. To everyone else, including his friends, hes this light hearted, goofy guy. Perfectly easy on the eyes and the heart. But behind closed doors, something that only his darling gets to see, hes a beast. Wild and stalking his prey; fiercely protective over whats his.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

He's not a stranger to actually physically harming his darling and they have had cuts and bruises on them. But he doesnt like to ruin their perfect skin so he usually locks them up, sometimes for days on end, and goes back to weakening his darling physically.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

He's actually not known to take many rights away. His darling is free to do what they want as long as he knows what they're doing and where they are. It only becomes a problem when they go somewhere outside of, lets say, the city; he needs to be there in that case. Always by their side..he cant have you running of now can he?

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

As much as he wants to think he's patient, hes really not. He gets temperamental and annoyed really easily and doesnt like it when his darling fights back.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If it was an escape scenario, he'd do everything in his power to get them back, and he WILL be successful. However, if they die, I dont think he'd move on from that. Giving his all into someone and 'molding' the perfect darling took a toll on him and he would genuinely be soul crushed.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

No. He absolutely has no guilty feeling whatsoever mainly because he doesnt see a problem with his actions. This is all for love.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Childhood trauma and the feeling of loneliness. Not having a mother, his father's hatred, and the constant quarrels with both his brothers and childhood friends like Masato and Ranmaru, formed a whole in his heart that he was never able to fill, no matter how many women he toyed with. His darling is the first person to make him feel full again and theres no way he'll let you go now.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He hates it. He tries to keep the peace and make them as happy as possible with gifts and himself. Why are you crying? What brought these feelings of sadness? Why are you yelling at him? He becomes mad but also concerned; obviously someone mustve hurt you. It just never occurs to him that he's that someone.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He probably gives his darling more freedom than some other yanderes. Again, he wants things to seem as normal as possible to anyone else.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

He does tend to get vulnerable with his darling and let's his guard down, especially on the anniversary of his mother's death. You could easily slip something in his drink or food and have a chance to escape; however, you have to remember that he has ears and eyes everywhere due to his connections so your escape might be short lived.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

As much as he hates to admit it, he HAS beaten his darling. He always feels bad afterwards and tends to their bruises and cuts, but its really your fault for trying to leave.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Body worship is a big thing of his. They are perfect to him, gorgeous, stunning, beautiful. I wouldn't say he has a whole shrine or anything, but his phone is full of pictures and he has paintings of them, both NSFW and not, on his walls. Before they ended up with him, he even went as far as to install cameras in their house and on them.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Honestly, not very long. He keeps up with it only for a short time before his true colors start to show. Of course, only his darling would know that, which is mainly why no one else would be able to help them out of this situation.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Oh yes. He manipulates them both mentally and physically to rely and depend only on him. He's good at it too and it takes less time for him to win his darling over than some other guys.

#uta no prince sama #uta no prince shining live #utapri starish stillnotsorry #quartet night #starish #utanoprincesama #utapri headcanons #jinguji ren #yandere alphabet #yandere

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cheswirls · 7 years

Text

i have so many thoughts and its about 430 am so lets get started before they get scrambled.

i decided to read red potter and the middleground, but because i finished one so early in the morning, i had to hold off on the other for a bit, until this -past, i guess- evening. i had read for sure a chapter of the middleground previously, maybe two, but i’ve read too much now that the recollection isn’t coming to me like it came in small bursts through reading through chapter one again. i think it was another instance when i got extremely busy and had to put it down, maybe tac2 took over, dunno, but i got back to it now bc im still on the post-playthrough-of-white high and anything deep in unova is good and lu is fantastic so i knew this would be fantastic and is was right.

it’s a very dark read? unexpected, then again, its centered around a war, so also i shouldve expected it. the realization hit me around the third chapter, i think, when the nimbasa incident happened. very dark and very good. and emotional, i dunno how many times ive cried tonight but its been a night/twilight. the whole story basis with the center legend of unova and all the olden history is really good, its all really boosting my unova high like this is exactly what ive been needing to find, and all the characters it brings in despite the animeverse of it all -benga, n, touko!!- and the roles they play just really made it better, its kind of shallow but i like it even moreso because of the additions and though the story kept me highly entertained and drawn in there were a couple moments when i wished like oh man i hope the story has n in it bc n man jus n i need n content and then bam mentioned and now hes officially in it sort of i mean yeah he is. in the story. and this was early on like during the first few chapters so i had to hold out but it was worth it like, the story is interesting with the anime characters and i knew it was gonna be aniverse going into it and it was good and fine and still is good and fine.

i dont remember when i started wishing for touko but man oh man it happened and i was like damn this could happen i wish she was kinda here bc i think i had begun to pick up on something and then later i really picked up on it which i will get to later and them bam another happy revelation and i am still like. touko. shes here. shes a part of the story. this is awesome.

anyway before this gets too long to massively too long, this is basically going to be a big analysis and happy-rant post, so if you have not read the middleground by the amazing @pkmncoordinators, you should do so here but then like leave this post until you do and then come back, that would be good. the rest is under a cut to save peoples dashes, sorry this is mega long already aha.

i played ghetsis’ battle theme through a chapter and it mustve been a shorter one bc it lasted me -30min- near the entire chapter. maybe the one beginning w the drayden and alder talk? or the dragonspiral tower one? or maybe theyre the same, its been a long night of binging this entire work. anyway. it set the mood for whatever chapter like i intentionally was like oh this theme is a little foreboding lets play it. and i had it down so low sometimes i could only hear the percussions to it, but it was still there, setting the tone.

otherwise, i found myself only keeping to n music. maybe there were a couple plays of unova e4, way in the very beginning of the first/second chapters, maybe, but for the most part, i kept with n’s songs. the bridge, some, the castle and battle theme, a lot. some renditions of such in b2w2 style. i tried to play through the music of n’s room in the castle, but i had to stop after a little into it, maybe ten minutes, because it was getting all these feelings out of me and i felt like if i played it all i would ‘tire it out’, so to speak, even though that hasnt happened w any of the tracks thus far, but i really want that to be a special one i have on to draw inspiration from. later into the night/morning, whenever, i did decide to try out a remix of it via the b2w2 track of the same theme. the tune is in a slightly different pitch, but more than that, it gets distorted, almost corrupted, throughout and differentiates itself that way from the original, so i did end up playing through that no problem. i cant recall now if i ever played a theme back to back, i think i switched after the 30min was over, which, understandable, it’d been looping for half an hour. but i think i did play it again maybe once, which is fine. good.

but enough with music meta. its interesting, maybe thats where the draws of ‘where’s n?’ came from, but its not the focus.

oooh boy lets talk about various things that i will address here bc its 5am now and i need to not lose track. the n thing. um. the touko revelations. remember liberty, because the truth will set you free. the hero of truth. the opening chapter remarks. the possible sourgrapes. the viewpoints thing. there is probably more i will get to later in a different post but these are the current things for the morning.

first i wanna talk abt touko, hilda, whatever. small note so i dont appear brash, to ppl who dont really follow my content, i just dont really like the names hilda and hilbert. hilda is slowly growing on me, but missy always called the protag touko, and it really grew on me, and i live the name now, so thats what i always defer to her as. jus a preference thing.

so, i had no idea and i had every idea. oh my god. lu, you are so good at the foreshadowing stuff, serious. a master at it. i didnt pick up on the nimbasa trainer mention, or maybe i did but its been long ago now and i dont remember it. if she appeared before then i already dont remember the callback to it, oops. anyway. it was after that, for sure, if not before, that i did pick up on the brunette trainer and thought ‘damn if that was touko tho thatd be so rad’. really thinking it was in the electronic store in striaton, but that seems so far away from nimbasa like there mustve been something in between but i dont think so? so that. and then in the next, black city? abt the brunette trainer watching the tv, and i think i had the same thought except it was during ghetsis’ speech so between both moments brunette trainer was mentioned. i think i picked up on the repeated mentions of brunette trainer when she and iris locked eyes to see her also packing to leave the center. it was a thought more along the lines of ‘brunette trainers seem to be standing out to me more or are i guess being detailed more than other trainers’ than out of suspicion. i was picking up the repeated characteristic, but more of the notion that it was being named over and over, instead of anything real behind it. like, okay, there are a lot of brown haired trainers around, that works.

it was maybe in icirrus if that was the next thing, i tried to look and think i confirmed that was the next thing based on the recall conversation, so yes. in icirrus, my memory is really failing me sorry!!, somewhere, the first mention or maybe if that first mention was the brunette trainer across the hall in another room, my mind clicked. and it was like, oh, this brunette trainer might actually be all the same person. and i started to think again, wow, what if that person was touko bc i was really passionate abt it and i couldnt come up with who else bc i didnt have the focus i was still actively reading the store yknow? if was nothing about the being followed, i had to wait for the others to catch on and tell the reader before i got that aha. but i did! get! the touko part. it was when iris woke up from the comatose and all those scenes started playing out, maybe she mentioned not disturbing the others or cilan when they were talking, or georgia when she ran off, or something abt the trainer in another room, or a revelation dawned i guess somewhere in those scenes. and i was like oh my god that has to be touko god wow. im really losing my original train of thought i apologize. still recovering from sickness, and the whole long night thing. so something along that thought, but then it sorta got forgotten bc shit got real w virgil and the truth seekers being there, and i didnt recall again until she approached cilan during the counter sheidl -niiiiice throwback, by the way- training, and i was like !!!!!!!!!!!! that HAS to be touko and then she led him away and the whole scene played out and i remember scanning the page briefly, jus flicking my eyes over to see if i saw the namedrop and didnt, so i got entranced in the scene and then benga was like ‘hilda get the other three’ and TOUKO!!!!! WAS THERE OMG!!!! like confirmed, in the flesh, it was great its great what a great thing to add wow. and then the recall conversation happened and i began to pick up and was like wow they were being followed and didnt even remember the brunette trainer mentioned in nimbasa, barely remembered someone with a samurott led the charge to put out the fires, so that was a surprise. of course, that was such an intense scene, and i remember having a small breakdown around then bc burgundy said something about how she couldve been in one of those rooms and that chilled her and it sent me wild bc it was scary to think about, it really was chilling, this story really is dark che wow.

so i was proud of myself for picking up on that, the touko thing, but i probably wouldve been in the dark completely had i read it and not recently played through white and mind being constantly on that region and those characters right now.

that was super long. um. next thing is liberty bc i can remember it. the line is, im pretty sure, just remember liberty, because the truth will/can set you free. and its really only because im so into unova right now, but back at the first chapter today, my mind immediately picked up ‘oh liberty island’. except its not island, its liberty garden-island, thing, but still. the liberty just connected, and i had it, and so like when iris busted out like hey we’re not flying to nimbasa we’re going to liberty garden i was like yh guys cmon take a hint. but i really think it was probably creative and thought-provoking to others, a bit of a twister, to liek other readers like this isnt a callout on an easy riddle, jus a notion i picked up on easily. actually i remember the castelia thing confusing me, but there was also some disconnect because the liberty line want being used, it was just being mentioned that everyone seeking the seekers was heading to castelia, like the two were never paired i dont recall of. and it happened every time. i was like okay yes theyre at libery garden, then castelia was mentioned and i was like okay theyre at castelia. they never really crossed so they never crossed in my mind. it wasnt until the group landed in castelia i think that my mind connected, ah yes, liberty garden is off the coast of the city. i do wonder how plasma figured it out though. i think earlier speculation was on the touko-n relationship compromising the location, though im not sure how that would work in the first place, so it seems more likely someone jus picked up on the insinuation like i did, jus made the connection, tho i dunno who.

really quick hero of truth revelation thing. it took me a couple reads to grasp, like iris realized something cilan didnt but he went away and it took me, i had to read it over a few times because she realized something so therefore the readers have to realize as well, and then i made the connection that cilan was related to the hero of truth therefore making him the hero of truth. that couldve been phrased better unless cress and chili are somehow included which i think not, too many motifs, but the point comes across. i might not have made the connection had i not read earlier in the day about iris slipping cilan reshiram’s pokeball, something i stumbled upon before i started reading the entire thing oops so maybe that was a giveaway that helped me work through it, maybe i just connected based on the ancestor stuff, dunno.

i still havent figured out whos writing the chapter intros and its getting to me!! i dunno if we’re supposed to know yet, at first i felt like cilan, and then a vague collection of others, maybe trip with the camera capture in black city, and then maybe touko at the end tho i feel like something was mentioned that was confidential and that she wouldn’t have known about. then again i suppose sharing stories and then recounting could come into play, in which case benga could also be writing them.. i dont’ feel like its someone currently irrelevant, tho. like, i don’t think it’s luke, or bianca, or someone kinda disconnected like that. its probably a spoiler for you to say whom, which okay, fair, but i hope someone signs off on the intros in the last chapter, or that theres something to pick up on to discover it ourselves, or maybe its not important, but i really gotta know eventually.

someone mentioned days ago about something like not being into wishfulshipping and then something about sourgrapes was mentioned, i really dont remember that well, but i started to pick up on it throughout, especially with all the camping scenes, and remembering you liked sourgrapes so much, and is it possible to confirm that thats a ship in this fic? or, has a possibility? i think i’m picking up on it, but it could be friendship, im not sure.

these next two are the last two for now i think. first, viewpoints, because this story delves into such a cast of characters and i think the same story told from the viewpoint of others would be so interesting, like told through the eyes of benga or touko, or even elesa possibly, and if you ever like wanna divulge in that or after you get done wouldnt mind someone taking a shot at it and working with for accuracy reasons, that would be pretty cool. and you have your first volunteer.

second and last is the n thing. i think a little is just meta, which i want to make a full post on later in time, so this may or may not tie in not sure. just, real brief, isn’t n such an interesting character? i really just, i dunno if i like him like i like others, but i really find his dynamic interesting. keeping it short, bc meta, the boy really grew up differently than a “normal” human. the proper socialization was there, sort of, because he can walk and speak and was educated like hes a math geniusa nd stuff, but he wasn’t socially educated. a lot of people dont realize the two are different, i didnt until i took an intro to sociology course this past fall semester. anyway tho. he really wasnt socially educated, and you can see that through all representations -cant speak for spe actually i havent read the arc yet- even in the anime, though far less likely than i would have liked, having rewatched the n arc a few days ago. the disconnect from people is there. n had tutors, but other than that he was in a room with his only company being pokemon formerly abused by people. that was it. not even normal pokemon, but those he had to gain the trust of first because they were misled by trainers. he doesn’t really know how to act with people. he talks fast, hes very blunt, he doesnt know the meaning of personal boundaries, et cetera. he was, practically, raised in a cult. led to believe only the cult’s beliefs. and its only through getting out of his room and around unova, at least in the game, that he begins to develop his own thouhgts and ideas and morals, that he begins to doubt what hes been preached his whole life. this is getting a bit like so im gonna cut, but i just, n is such an interesting character. the tie in. already, in the tv announcement, his voice is ethereal and i could picture it, could play the sound in my mind based off the anipoke and the gens voices, because both of those are genuinely how n sounds to me, i can see it perfectly it just works like there is no other voice for him. i could picture that when he spoke. and already, with the dreamy, far-off gaze, and it hardening, i can see his characterization is going to be so great in the middleground, and im so excited. i recently finished a fic where his characterization to me was absolutely perfect, and even as it evolved, that standard didnt diminish, because the evolution was so seamless and good that the changes to him felt right, felt realistic.

im realizing now this sounds like a do-good-or-there-will-be-consequences thing, which is not my intention. im just, i really wanted a story with n, one i knew would be good, and the middleground is it at the moment. and i know youll do a good job because i liked tac so much, which featured n, and already its the little things with middleground!n that are already so good, and this was really just me saying thank you and i cant wait, and so thank you and i cant wait for more. i cant wait to see more of n, no matter how small a role, or how big iunno, he plays, its already so good for such a complex character with such a grey background. morally grey, ethically grey, realistically grey, just grey.

all in all, the middleground is amazing so far, i love it so so much, and once again, i cant wait for more. thank you for such an amazing piece thus far, lu. its past 6am now so its taken me a bit to get through this post, i hope the majority makes sense. and i cant wait to see what comes next with the story.

#the middleground #another long post about another long work wow who wouldve guessed

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