#mults liveblogs writing

[multsicorn]

tfw you’ve read every decent fic for your pairing of the moment, so you are simply forced to try to work on writing one yourself…

#fandom how does it work #mults liveblogs writing #i have twenty or thirty wenzhou fics still in my ‘marked for later’ #but what i wanna read is lld/junzhe #sooo…. #when will i be released back to the land of fictional characters. tbqh #nuts and nails

[multsicorn]

putting this here for some sort of fake accountability because i’m bad at life

after i make dinner, after i print those forms

i am going to sit down and think about sitting down and thinking and writing. i mean, lol, but also, actually, the process. how can i capture my thought butterflies. before they ~slip away~. how can i actually do it rather than… just thinking about it and not doing it. the point isn’t to ~make myself,~ the ideal is to make it easy, and a habit, and the default way of doing things. so what can i set up, to help with that.

#anyway tumblr is for now where my thoughts go #one of the big things i want #is to have a place for *unfinished* #or y’know not necessarily public-facing! #thoughts to go #but we’re working on that… i’m working #ugh feelings why #mults liveblogs writing #you can’t take the computer out of the girl #stories of my life

[multsicorn]

(me: thinks posting threadfic will be a great idea. after all, i've been enjoying reading it so much? and why let fic ideas languish unwritten in text files.

me, after posting three (3) whole tweets worth of un-thought-out rough-draft-y would-be fic: *overcome with intense embarrassment,* okay, this is why all my fic ideas should stay in my text files and never ever leave them, i know i keep saying 'don't worry about quality, just write, just post,' but.......

i will not finish the thing and i won't even get to a part that people like and if i hate the unfinished fic in my text docs at least it doesn't make me feel that no one else likes it either!!!!!)

#(i don't *think* anyone reads both here and there hahaha) #(it's fine it's fine) #(but maybe i should... just delete it..?) #(i know i SHOULD continue it but ahhhhhhhh) #mults liveblogs writing #which is to say. not writing #the only kind of writing i ever fucking do .______. #ugh feelings why

[multsicorn]

“zhou zishu’s tired of being a blade.”

#mults liveblogs writing #word of honor / #two murderers walk into a bar #an honorable assassin

[multsicorn]

'open a vein and write' they say

what if i didn't want to????

#sometimes i guess it is Cathartic lol #good 2 know good 2 know #mults liveblogs writing #fandom how does it work #;___;

[multsicorn]

how much of writing consists of writing words such as 'really,' 'even,' 'after all,' or 'apparently' - (just to name a few uh, favorites of mine) - and then reading back over the sentence or paragraph and deleting them

#mults liveblogs writing #anyway #i've gotten to a ~good stopping point~ so i'll resume later #wc 824 #'a-xu should do what he wants' wen kexing agrees #the working title of this is 'zzs gets angry' #but i will find a n.. actual title before i finish

[multsicorn]

the fun of writing for myself as a no-judgment zone vs. the craving for audience feedback, an eternal war!!!

#mults liveblogs writing #(i'm still sad from the last threadfic i posted getting zero likes lol) #(cause this is a notfic and writing Actual Fic is something that sounds too much like work probably) #anyway anyway... i guess i can finish it... and then decide what i want to do??? #also hahah i'm hiding out on twitter and anon nowadays #bc i have shame #over falling head over heels into an rpf pit #i know what reality is!!! i swear!!! #and yet!!!!! #WHATEVER whatever #fandom how does it work #nuts and nails

[multsicorn]

and now to see if the sex can be half as fun or compelling to write as the negotiations .____.

#mults liveblogs writing #me: i will just try watching word of honor i doubt i'll like get into it #eleven episodes in: reading fic #twelve episodes in: writing fic #w h a t #word of honor / #fandom how does it work #'wen kexing feels stripped down to the bone. #to the living and bloody marrow.' #there THAT"S a good line #should i not call zhou zishu 'a-xu' for the whole fic? #but i will if i'm in wen kexing's voice cause unforch he is like that

[multsicorn]

He’s not shameless enough to say – “Lan Zhan, take me now.”

Lan Zhan’s eyes, resting on him, don’t move. Only a slight furrow of his brow betrays his confusion. “Take you where?”

Wei Wuxian laughs and laughs and laughs. He pounds the table, and nearly spills Lan Zhan’s tea, and ends up bent over so that his head’s nearly in Lan Zhan’s lap.

Lan Zhan frowns at him, thunderously. “Wei Ying. Where do you wish to go?”

#mults liveblogs writing #wangxian #the untamed #i am almlst a hundred percent sure this won’t be in whatever i end up finishing (if that’s anything) #so. uh. here #this is ~that night in the jingshi~ in my head

[multsicorn]

cat - i love and appreciate you climbing all over me - but i cannot write if you're on my keyboard! could you please learn, lap yes, keyboard no!

#my keyboard is ON my lap which might make this kind of hard #for a cat #i love her so <3 #claudia the cat #mults liveblogs writing #stories of my life

[multsicorn]

the best editor <3

#mults liveblogs writing #claudia the cat

[multsicorn]

the constant back-and-forth tug between ‘but i don’t think this premise can even work’ and ‘but those are the premises my brain gives me, so what is there to do but try’

#ugh ugh ugh #mults liveblogs writing #yes i'm working on the zombie fucking fic AGAIN #'after a life-shattering disaster is precisely when no one should be having sex!' #'but it would be... hot?' #the untamed stuff

[multsicorn]

nothing like posting an unfiltered write-as-i-go fic, publicly, name attached, to make me super self conscious of all my writing tics, omg.

- but, i mean, they’re not that bad!  when i wrote like this at ~twenty i thought i was great, lol, every word is genius from ~inspiration and never shall be touched - but, it’s fine, it’s all fine!  get the pots out, kill that self-consciousness dead.  then we can work on actual content.

(and don’t i enjoy reading overly-sappy and purple in blank white rooms etc. fic for my favorite premises?  sure, not as much as i’d enjoy reading better fic for them, but more than ‘i never finished it!’ or ‘i don’t remember how it was supposed to go!’ etc.!  a really-not-great story at least does exist!)

#mults liveblogs writing #i guess one of the purposes of this whole multi-platform thing #is so that i can subtweet myself on a different platform #than where i'm doing whatever it is i'm subtweeting :p

[multsicorn]

OR MAYBE (like I frequently think to myself) the problem is just this Ira Glass quote:

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”

And it’s not cause I suddenly got worse at writing like two-and-a-half years ago now that I haven’t managed to finish-and-post anything since.  I’ve always had stuff that was OOC (imo, in some parts), clunky, boring, inaccurate, whatever.  But my internal standards rose (extremely rudely, how dare) while my actual abilities stayed in one place and - 

I don’t know, it feels very right, and I think ‘my main problem is tendencies to certain types of OOC-ness’ can co-exist hand-in-hand with ‘but the fact that a writing weakness became a not-posting problem comes from actually this other thing.’

So then of course the problem is how do I do the deadline thing.  Or the volume thing.  Whatever.  Which, I don’t know, I keep trying to think of ways!  But it’s a good logistical problem to come back to.

#mults liveblogs writing #yes i am sorry my blog is Like This right now #that damned pottery post

[multsicorn]

the idea of ‘maybe i should just give up writing [cause i can’t seem to ever be happy with it anyway]’ makes me wanna cry so... i guess do not do that

the idea of ‘let’s try not editing and just posting whatever first draft i come up with’ sounds freeing and relieving in the moment, but then when i go to type and post such a draft.... i hate it i hate it i hate it!!

the idea of ‘just take some time to sit with a story!  and think about it!  write down thoughts etc.!’ sounds very appealing when and only when i haven’t tried recently lol, but then when i do actually find/make time i get very... scared of it?  and avoidant?  idek.  it’s a file of text it cannot do anything to me, and yet.

#mults liveblogs writing #*lies down crying inside* #of frustration #ugh feelings why #i guess the answer rn is try to finish the fuck up #of typing the wen ning fic draft #bc it's closest to done #(and has been for ages) #and... idk? ask here/twitter/discord if there's anyone who wants to look at it? #tell me if there's anything working and what doesn't etc.? #cause a second opinion that it could be okay would really help me going i think #maybe i don't need to do the whole thing alone #even if 'the whole thing' is like a short-ish one-shot lol don't @ me

[multsicorn]

walking to the grocery store and imagining really bad first-time sex for wangxian....

#sry bbs i wasn’t trying to go there! #but! it just happened! #i need to try prioritizing doing some fic-writing i suppose #tho what i want is discussion! response! #well then i should prioritize that and also fic-writing lmao #anyway~ #mults liveblogs writing #the untamed stuff #wangxian #uh. maybe try to figure out your mutual rape kink #before you put it into play..? #i love two (2) idiots