multsicorn

[multsicorn]

there is nothing to reignite my feelings for a year-plus old fandom like going through my own old tumblr tag...

caveat: this only works if the fandom is actually old, which is to say, if it is something i haven't had feelings about in quite a while. if it's something that i'm still kinda in, or was in recently, then the feelings have likely worn thin. but if i give it a while to recover... that well will fill back up. cause they're dug deep.

#fandom how does it work

[multsicorn]

somebody just said to me

"disco elysium is, above all things, a game about failure. failure and how we find ways to keep going despite it."

and i just YESSSS that's the thing.

i mean, it's funny, to try and fail the check to grab your tie so you can get dressed. to die from sitting in an uncomfortable chair or falling down as you try to skip out of paying your hotel bill with the money you don't have.

but it's also so fucking *real*, because real life is a challenge. mundane ordinary not-solving-murder-mysteries life. i fail my volition checks... all the time, lol.

'life gets haaard... but we go oooon...'

and the quote that bodies me most in the game is 'human will failed to get out of bed and tie its laces.' but it doesn't have to be tragic, and it doesn't have to be pathetic, (i don't know, what's the difference, maybe it's both?), but, has anyone in it not failed? neither the detectives nor the union nor the company negotiator can avoid a confrontation that no one wants; the commercial district is doomed and the fishing village is nearly deserted. everyone, absolutely everyone, is living in the ruins of a war that happened forty-plus years ago and was never quite rebuilt from.

but there's beauty and the unexpected, dancing and giant insects and YES, but there's also, even outside of that, life. just, i don't know. we can't stop except by dying, (and our protagonist*? Lol) has just failed to die when the game starts, but we haven't given up, either. what the hell good would that do for us.

life gets hard, but we go on.

#disco elysium #and i just said i was moving out of the fandom #well i've not moved out quite yet lol #*harry dubois has never been a protagonist in his life and sure as hell ain't about to start now

[multsicorn]

and then they had a big dance party at the end THE END :)

#the J O Y <5 #disco elysium #stack queue

[multsicorn]

Below, the city trembles with its remaining lights. People are rushing home, running away from home, smoking, sleeping, singing in the shower. Edges of dining tables, hands, aprons flicker through windows before the lights go out.

#omg the gift of seeing him with this intense intimacy/vulnerability #kim kitsuragi #my latest love #disco elysium #stack queue

[multsicorn]

#hhhh #why’s the first thing that grabs me that some of the tiles look like windows #as if you could see through into this beautiful and crazy world #but the incredible diversity… in the very specific set of constraints/techniques… #the texture and variability in literally every wash of color #im feral #art looks how life feels

[multsicorn]

wrote fucktion instead of function in my how-do-i-make-this-software-go talking to myself pain right now and god it is such a mood

#you can't take the computer out of the girl #i have made lots of progress honestly and i'm sure the finish will come #but. sometimes even when you're doing it well. #programming hates us all!!

[multsicorn]

finally unlocked the communism book club in disco elysium after missing it on my first playthrough cause i got it double-scheduled with my encounter with THE PIGS

and when they got to the bit about increasing turnip yields with greater revolutionary fervor

(look i know it's a reference to lysenkoism but)

revolutionary fervor? or resentful energy? how about both?? *face looking out from over fingers pointed at each other* *that turn into finger guns bc lol ofc they do*

#anyway i'm not going to account for when i'm here reading or when i'm here posting or when i'm not or like. why #my tumblr is for me! i am not for it! #and when i get enough into a thing to post about it i Will and when i am not i will leave it Alone #and that is well enough for now #disco elysium #and i am not currently in the untamed but i love the burial mounds i guess forever #honestly everything about the infra-materialism just makes me think #of that soviet joke #where the machine gun runs out of ammo #'comrade such-and-such: aren't you a communist' #'and the machine gun began to fire again' #if you do not get the joke sorry i can't explain it *hands*

[multsicorn]

i aten't dead, but i'm still hiding in my coffin home...

under the mountain... which is to say, on locked on twitter, and in private, on discord. for the forseeable future....

although i feel now more than ever, that i can't forsee how my life in fandom will go, ever, from one day to the next. i might not be back here for months - but truly, one never knows....

#pretending this is a blog #if you know you know #why etc #i'm not talking about in public for. again. the foreseeable future #oh my love my love #i wish you well #(if anyone is curious i will talk more in private. but. ~shrug~)

[multsicorn]

… i think i’m gonna need to try to take a step back from tumblr (and twitter) for a week or two, at least

(not that any of you could *tell,* from how active i am rn, but, yeah)

#just bc of still processing feelings #from recent events in my current fandom #if you know why you know #and if you don’t… i can’t talk about it.. #which is precisely why i’m taking several steps back into locked discord land! #fandom how does it work #what we still love is never dead <333

[multsicorn]

Since you know about Scorpion, you must also know that no one can stop the Scorpion King from killing whoever and getting whatever he wants.

#i!!! love!!! him!!! #zhou zishu #you go babe #get all the boys and all the murders #an honorable assassin #word of honor #two murderers walk into a bar

[multsicorn]

Is it so small a thing To have enjoyed the sun, To have lived lightly in the spring, To have loved, to have thought, to have done?

– james longenbach

#my love my love #an honorable assassin #and the softest (ex) (not completely ex!) killer in the fucking world #he C A R E #<333 #zhou zishu #word of honor #two murderers walk into a bar #*lies down on the floor*

[multsicorn]

your job is to plant yourself like a tree besides the river of truth, and tell the whole world–

–No, you move.

#see! #jingyan is righteous! #and loyal and so steadfast #protecc #the best boyfriend <333 #it's about the scheming

[multsicorn]

.

#i’ve been in twenty years of fandom and two thousand kinds are angst #but the knives have never been *just* *like* *this* #adventures in ao3 #fandom how does it work #to my fellow shippers - none of whom read this damn tumblr. what is it for anymore. - i <3 you all

[multsicorn]

y si mañana nos encuentran enredados, que nos dejen descasar del mundo.

#they both need each other <333 #a trustfall of a relationship #wenzhou #two murderers walk into a bar #word of honor #stack queue

[multsicorn]

Just looked at my history page on ao3 and I have 588 pages of history lmao

#331 #but it only goes back through 2019 ;p #i thought had only used 'clear history' once to get rid of the 'marked for laters' in old fandoms #so they'd stop haunting me as a to-do list #but apparently it was at least twice #adventures in ao3 #fandom how does it work #stack queue

[multsicorn]

there are two key questions to gauge what sort of Weird Girl someone was as a preteen.

a) horses, dolphins or dragons?

b) Vikings, Ancient Egyptians or dinosaurs?

tell me in the tags please. if you were allowed to pick your own room decor between 7 and 13 the answer to A should be self evident bc every Weird Girl I knew who was allowed to pick had one of those three themes.

#hahaha #horses and dragons and ancient greek #that is what was in my room #also space rockets and… quetzalcoatl #trees and that monet bridge scene and lots of rainbows #this is what i drew and covered my walls with #it was objectively Bad (tm) #but let me feel fond of that girl for a moment #stories of my life #stack queue

[multsicorn]

– The leader of Tian Chuang. I am above hundreds and thousands of men and only below one. Yet I live like this, boastful of this power but I can’t even save a single person I want to protect.

ZHANG ZHEHAN as ZHOU ZISHU

WORD OF HONOR 山河令 (2021): EPISODE 01

#<33333 #babe #yes he’s killed innocent kids and stuff #he’s my meow meow not yours #zhou zishu #an honorable assassin #word of honor #two murderers walk into a bar