#mouth be round going AAAAAAAAAAAAA | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bluepenguinstories · 4 years

Text

Remoras Full Chapter XIII: Yield

Everyone was in such a panic, including the kid, and I was clueless. I was in my room when it all went down, listening to some classical music, and brainstorming what kind of weapon would fit best for me. All that good stuff. All I knew for sure is that I wanted to be a total badass.

That all got interrupted with a thud and a crash. I tore off my headphones and rushed to the door. My head poked out of the room and I called out.

“What’s going on out there?”

Heavy footsteps and heavy breaths were heard before Sunny came into view.

“Oh good! You’re awake!” She grinned. Even though her words were rushed and it was obvious that she was stressed. “Ray had a bit of an accident, so he’s going to be in the hospital for a while! Maybe just a few days! Or a few weeks! Not sure yet, but it’ll be fine!”

If you’re in distress, you can say so. Just because your name is Sunny doesn’t mean you have to be sunny all the time. What am I thinking? Enough with these blunt thoughts! I need at least one person not to be mad at me!

At least I managed not to say that out loud.

“Anyway, can you watch Tigershark while Remora and I are gone?”

“Um…” Of course. I should have said yes. I had no reason not to. But sometimes the things that came out of my mind didn’t correspond with the things I should have done. “I mean...it’s a lot of pressure...I’d be all alone, and…”

...And I’ve never done anything akin to babysitting before, I sure was glad I didn’t say that part out loud.

“I bet Remora would appreciate it,” Sunny winked and it was as if she transferred her short breath onto me. Not only that, but my heart pounded against my chest. How Sunny could say that name so casually was beyond me.

“Of...Of course!” I stammered.

“Great! There’s plenty of food, Tigershark can cook for herself, so really, it should be a piece of cake! See you two in a bit!”

I held out my thumb and winked. “You can count on me!”

Now, the idea of ANYONE entrusting me to take care of a child sounded like recipe for disaster. I didn’t even like kids. I liked fish. And badass tall ladies.

...But never mind all that. Sunny was right. For the entirety of the day, the little orange shark was a breeze. I thought she’d be upset the whole day because of Ray, but when I told her it was us two for a while, she just smiled and said, “okay! I’ll make lots of pudding!”

“Sounds good!” I replied, then planted myself in a booth and kicked my legs up on the table. Given that all was quiet and Tigershark knew what she was doing, I took it upon myself to brainstorm what kind of weapon I’d want. Or maybe if I was a superhero, what kind of power I would have. Then, there was the matter of what kind of cape I’d have. What kind of outfit. And what outfit would match what weapon. It grew to be exhausting.

I started to doze off. Napping in an empty diner. The perfect life, really. I had a pleasant dream where I was having a picnic with someone/no one in particular and a school of jellyfish were swimming across the air. Then ninjas appeared. And a whole bunch of peaches fell down from the tree which there wasn’t a peach tree before, but hey, it was a dream. All was going well and that someone or no one in particular and I shared a peach together and then –

“HEY!” An outside force yelled and I heard a slam. I jumped up and saw Tigershark with her hands slammed down on the table and an angry expression on her face.

“Sheesh,” I rubbed my eyes. “Why so violent?”

“I wanna go exploring!” She demanded. I looked out the window. Nothing but a blanket of white for miles. Well, I noticed a faint outline of the airport in the distance, but truth be told, I was kind of avoiding that place ever since I tricked that pilot/stewardess. “Won’t be fooled again”, right?

“There’s nowhere out there to explore,” I stared her dead in the face and expected her to take the argument without question.

“Wrong! There’s polar bears! And seals!”

Well, couldn’t argue there. Guess I would have to try a different approach.

“Indeed. And they all wanna eat ya!” I opened my mouth wide and raised my palms as if they were claws. She just did it right back.

“I’ll eat them first!”

Abort! Abort! New plan!

“Err...about eating, know what you want for dinner?”

She put her finger on her chin and went, “hmm…”

Hmm...indeed. Whatever she was having, I knew I wouldn’t have it. Too many meat eaters ‘round these parts.

“Hákarl!” She announced with the utmost glee. “Ray says it’s the only thing he himself won’t eat!”

From the sound of it, that didn’t sound all that bad. Perhaps it was a vegetarian dish of sort.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Fermented shark!” She sounded like that was the coolest thing ever, but did she know? Did she know what the word ‘fermented’ meant? How could anything ‘fermented’ be good?

I started to make gagging sounds. First, it was something ‘fermented’. Second, it was meat. Totally meat.

“Yeah, you help yourself to that.”

In the end, she ate the gross thing, which I don’t think she liked, given the expressions on her face, but she acted like she did. Probably just to spite me. As for me, I just had an orzo salad. What could I say? I knew what I liked.

All in all, taking care of Tigershark proved to be a breeze.

...So how did it turn out like this?!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAA –” Tigershark yelled as she ran out of my room and into the hallway.

“Get back here! I’m not done yet!” I chased after her, holding my book in one hand.

“NO! YOUR STORIES ARE SCARY!” She ran through the kitchen and back out into the dining room. Chairs were knocked over in an attempt to keep me away from her. Lucky for me, they were pretty easy to jump over once they were knocked over. In fact, I was just about to catch her when the door opened up.

A customer? Crap. I am so screwed if that’s the case. Wait. I’m screwed even if that’s not the case. How do I explain this?

“Hey, we’re back!” Sunny’s voice called out in that same kind of voice I imagined the sun on a Raisin Bran box had.

Both Tigershark and I stopped dead in our tracks and looked up to see the towering presence of Sunny and Remora.

“Uh...I...can...explain…” I uttered the words in spite of how futile I knew they were. No. I couldn’t explain. But luckily, before I could embarrass myself further, Tigershark stepped up to the plate to explain for me.

“I asked for a bedtime story and she told me something scary, instead!” Tigershark whined in front of them.

“Okay, for context: I just told her about the Greenland shark that’s local to the area. That’s all,” there. I made my case.

For further context: yes, Sunny did get me that field guide of fish in the arctic. I wish I was more excited to have gotten such a gift, but each time I looked at the book and thought about opening it up and reading it, I found myself lacking any interest. So when Tigershark barged into my room (I thought for sure I locked it…) and demanded a bedtime story, the conversation went a little like this:

Me: I don’t have any stories*. Sorry.

*Note: I did have some fics bookmarked on my phone, but some of them were a little embarrassing to read out loud.

Tigershark: Make something up!

Me, after noticing the field guide on the stand next to my bed: Hold on! I can tell you about the thing you ate for dinner!

Next thing I knew, she freaked out and ran out of the room. I was just telling her how the shark’s skin and meat were poisonous and that they lived in the depths and were among the largest species of shark. I wasn’t even finished talking about all that great biological stuff by the time she ran out. Let it be known that at least one person was intimidated by fish facts, and that was Tigershark.

“I swear, everything was cool for most of the day! I did well! You guys just came back at a bad time!” I felt like I was on the verge of tears, but of course I wasn’t. Tigershark was, though. She sobbed up a storm.

“Well, I’m glad to see you two had fun!” Sunny grinned.

That’s not reassuring at all.

“Yeah! We had fun!” Tigershark grinned. “I made lots of pudding!”

I balked. “It’s hard to tell if you’re actually upset or not!”

In response, Tigershark went right back to the waterworks. Remora knelt down next to Tigershark.

“Here, I’ll tell you a bedtime story. Have you heard The Snow Queen before?”

Tigershark shook her head.

“It’s a great one, a fairy tale from the same author of The Little Match Girl. My favorite part is in the beginning when Kai gets glass shards in his eyes.”

“WHAT?!” Tigershark cried out.

Remora looked around. “What? Was it something I said? I don’t get it. It’s just a fairy tale.”

What kind of fairy tale involves glass shards being put in people’s eyes? I mean, sounds like a really cool fairy tale, especially if Remora liked it. Like, something I would want to read right away and think of her all the while. But that still begs the question, what business does a fairy tale like that have being so cool? No. Better question: would that be the kind of fairy tale to tell as a bedtime story?

“Heya Tiger, how about I tell you about the time Ray and I pulled off a heist at a royal ball?” Sunny suggested, which brightened the kid.

“Shark!” The kid replied.

“Hm?”

“Tiger and Shark! Because I’m a tiger that’s also a shark!”

Does...does she not know there’s an actual species of shark called the tiger shark? Oh, forget it.

While I wanted so bad to approach Remora in an attempt to say or do something to make her proud of me, to see me, I disregarded that goal. I already embarrassed myself for the night, so the way I saw it, my chance was over. Instead, I turned to Sunny.

“Hey Sunny, before you go to tell her your story, can I ask you something?” I leaned over to make sure Tigershark wasn’t around. Maybe it would be great if Remora was, though. She could hear my idea and maybe she’d be proud of me.

No. Enough with that. Focus.

“Sure thing!” Sunny replied, chipper as ever.

“I’ve been giving it some thought, and I think the best way to figure out what kind of weapon I’d want would be to meet this blacksmith friend of yours. I mean, no matter what, I’ll need to train myself to utilize whatever I choose, so I may as well figure out what I’d like to train myself with, yeah?”

“Hell yeah! That’s the spirit!” I was blown away by Sunny’s enthusiasm.

“So can I go? Like, right now? Hmm?”

Sunny turned around and called out to Tigershark, “I’ll be just a couple minutes, okay little tangerine?”

Little tangerine? Oh. Right. Orange hair.

“I’m glad you’re so eager to go, but it’s a little late. Shouldn’t you try to get some sleep first? Besides, Remora and I are still going to be visiting Ray in the hospital periodically, so it would be better if you stayed here so you could watch Tigershark for now.”

Right. Crap. Slow and steady and all that. Responsibility sure liked to put a halt on things.

“We could just alternate. It’s not like we both have to go there at the same time,” Remora chimed in.

Eep. Was she still there the whole time? Did she hear me?

“Oh! You’re right!” Sunny snapped her fingers.

I turned around. Still towered over me, like a titan, Remora stood.

“Yeah, I heard the conversation,” she answered before I could even ask. “It’s a good excuse to get out of the house, and the fresh air might clear your head. Maybe you’ll come back with a new perspective on things.”

I didn’t know what any of that meant. All that registered was, “you have my approval.” I think that’s all the takeaway I needed.

With that, Sunny told me how I could get there and I was off within the next few minutes. Yes. You heard right.

When I awoke, I stepped out of the submarine and onto the docks of the town of Olympia. All around me was a thick, deep purple air which signified nightfall.

“Wow, that was fast!” I remarked. “It’s still night and everything!”

The ferryman poked his head out of the door of the submarine, his head covered with nylon mesh, presumably to obscure his face.

“Actually, this took about a day and a half. Even accounting for time zones,” he corrected me. Sheesh. You mean I had to pay someone AND get corrected? What lousy service.

“Well, thanks again,” I waved, and the submarine lowered itself back under the waters.

Once it disappeared, I dug into my pocket and pulled out the note that Sunny wrote for me:

“After you arrive in Olympia, you’re gonna wanna look for Hephaestus. Any other blacksmith and you know you’re gonna get a shoddy job. But Hephy’s a cool dude. Charges a high price, but considering the quality of his craft, it’s all worth it. I stashed some money in your other pocket. Should be enough to get you something small. Anyway, have fun, stay safe, and remember to keep a coin on you so you can pay the ferryman to bring you back home!

Sincerely, Sunny.”

Sunny sure came in clutch. I’d have to thank her when I returned. But for the moment, my main objective was a simple one: seek out Hephaestus’ shop.

Past the rows of houses with their dim orange glows, I looked for any signs of a shop that might still be open. That was the first clue. Not that it made it any easier. The further I walked, the more clear it was that Olympia wasn’t like your typical city and more like one of those small coastal towns that didn’t get a lot of visitors.

After a while, I found it: a wood building that didn’t stand out from any of the others, but held the sign above its door ‘Hephaestus’ shop’.

“Well, if that wasn’t any more obvious, I don’t know what would be,” I noted, before opening the door.

As soon as I walked in, I sneezed. The air was quite dusty, cobwebs all over the place. My attention was drawn not toward the weapons, but a lamp which rested on the counter of the shop. Its glow illuminated the room, although not by much. Absent was any sign of a blacksmith. Not that I could blame the guy, seeing as it was whatever ‘o clock.

“Hello?” I called out. No one answered. No one appeared.

So while I waited for someone to show up, I took a look around at the weapons on the walls. There were swords and axes of all varieties on the walls. Broad, long, thin, thick. If you could name it, it was probably there.

“I feel like I deserve a sword, but those things tend to be heavier than they look,” as noted by my one attempt at holding one.

There were other things to consider. Like bows. Or spears. Halberds? Lances? The possibilities really were dizzying.

“Can I help you?” Boomed a low voice with a thick Mediterranean accent.

“Eep!” I jumped. Startled, my hairs standing on end, I turned around and saw an old hairy guy whose body resembled a slab of meaty muscle more than a human’s body. Like, such a thing shouldn’t have been possible, yet it was. Really, it was incredible, but not in a “wow, that’s so cool” sort of way, and more like “I bet if I shaved off his beard he’d look like a giant thing of meatloaf”. In case it wasn’t obvious, that sort of thing really wasn’t my cup of tea.

“Are you going to keep standing there looking dumb, or what?” He bellowed.

“Yes! Er...I’m interested in your wares!”

“Anything in particular that you’re looking for?” He asked. That was a toughie.

I looked around. Nothing really spoke to me.

“I was thinking like a sword, but because of my size and my lack of strength, that may prove difficult. Fantasy novels really make it look a lot easier than it really is, y’know? Like, you got kids picking up swords and slaying dragons and here I am, an ex-college student…” Crap. I was rambling.

“So a short sword? A dagger?”

Oh. Those were things. I totally forgot.

“Something like that. Totally.”

He pointed down.

Under the counter was a glass case where short swords, daggers, and all other pokey things lay.

“Hmm...Hmm…”

Well, Sunny specifically gave me enough money to get myself something small, so I may as well be searching here anyway. Oh! That one! It’s got a really nice look to it and I like the asymmetry! Because everyone knows that symmetry doesn’t make for ‘cool’.

“I like that one!” I pointed at the knife which piqued my interest. It wasn’t just the way the steel was crafted. No, it was that the handle was coated in a purple finish! “A yakut knife?” He asked, as if telling the name would make me reconsider.

“I don’t know what that is, but yeah.”

He smiled and shook his head. “Ah, that one takes me back a few years when I went to visit a friend in Siberia. He showed me how to make those knives. Fun times. Later, we made love.”

Did he have to add that last bit?

“Um. Yeah. Can I buy it?”

He nodded while continuing to smile. Great. I had the old dude in dreamland.

I fished (no pun intended) the money out of my pocket and handed it to him. He sifted through each note and then broke the news.

“You’re short,” he told me and handed the money back.

Like, yeah. We all know that. No need to rub it in.

“Am I some kind of joke to you?” I shot back.

“I’m talking about change. You’re short a few euros.”

Dammit, Sunny.

“Can you give me some kind of ‘newbie discount’?” I knew that wasn’t such a thing, but I had to try my luck with something.

“No can do. If you got your sights set on that one, come back when you have enough cash.”

“How much more do I need, anyway?”

He leaned over and whispered the amount into my ear. In response, I whispered, “fuck.”

“Well, jeez, man. Anything I can do to make enough money around here? I don’t wanna return to Sunny empty handed.”

“Did you say ‘Sunny’?” He asked, and I thought my tides were about to turn in my favor.

“Yep. She said you were the real deal and that you could hook a gal up.”

“That explains why you would want an arctic knife…” he muttered.

Oh huh. I just learned something new. Maybe I could tell Remora when I got back to the diner.

“Yeah. Brr…” I shivered for added effect.

“In that case, it will be about a thousand euros more.”

“What?!”

“Sunny owes me a lot of money. Last time she was here, she got drunk and got in a shootout which resulted in my forge getting wrecked.”

GOD-DAMMIT, SUNNY!

“Anyway, to answer your question, you could always check out the bulletin board in the local tavern. Sometimes people post requests there. Work enough odd jobs, and I’m sure you can afford this beauty.”

What am I in? An RPG?

“Yeah. Totally. No problem. I’ll be back in a day. Two days tops. Maybe a week at most. Let’s just say two weeks, for the sake of leeway.”

“Fine by me. See you around.”

This was supposed to be a simple trip. Of course it couldn’t just be about one thing, could it? Ah, but I should have known when Sunny explained how I would get to Olympia:

“My blacksmith friend lives in a place called Olympia. Now, I know you’re excited to go, but as I said, it’s late; there’s not a plane that would take you there at this hour,” she told me. “Besides, there’s only one way to get there from here and it’s via the ferryman.”

“The what?” I asked her.

Sunny went on to explain further:

“He’s a mysterious figure who operates a submarine. It’s said that no matter where you are, if you drop one of his coins into the ocean, he’ll show up and take you to Olympia.”

“That sounds weird. Are you just pulling my leg?”

“Afraid not. Plus, due to his secretive nature, he requires every passenger be unconscious if they wish to ride in his submarine. So if you want to go now, I’ll have to sedate you. Then, he requires the passenger wrapped in cloth.”

Remora spoke up, and be still, my heart, in my defense: “if this isn’t a joke, then it’s sus at best.”

“Ain’t disagreeing with ya there. But rules are rules. So what do you say, sprout?”

“When did I become a ‘sprout’?” I groaned. And yes. That did seem sus. But I was willing to give it a try nonetheless. “Anyway, yeah. Go ahead.”

Whatever I had to lose, I decided to take my chances.

I trudged myself back out onto the streets. Well, I suppose it wasn’t a total loss. I could probably stay at a motel for a bit with the money Sunny gave me.

Okay, sorry. I know you can’t read my thoughts, but I was just a little frustrated back there. You’ve still been a huge help, Sunny.

While an inn would’ve been a great idea, I decided against it. The way I saw it, I’ve already been asleep for a day and a half, and besides, I was hungry and the night was still young. So off to the tavern I went. I pulled out the map app on my phone and let my legs do the rest. Within the hour, I was there. In the rowdy and chaotic atmosphere that was a tavern.

“What’ll it be?” The server asked as I stood next to the bulletin board. I didn’t pay the server much mind, but I knew I needed to order something.

“Give me a hard water.”

“On the rocks?”

I waved my hand away, with a €20 note in between my fingers.

“Just a hard water with ice, please. I don’t need any rocks in my drink.”

Now that that was out of the way, all my focus was on the bulletin board. Most of these paid very little for very demanding tasks. Things like helping some folks with yard work to someone looking to buy loaves of fish. None of those were of much interest to me, save for one request: “help me find my family’s necklace. Willing to pay over €1,000,000 to whoever brings it back. Call this number for more details.”

Now, I was on that shit. As soon as I saw the post, my thumb found itself planted firm on the dial pad. Not even half a minute later, someone picked up.

“Hello?” Answered the voice of a middle-aged lady. Her husky voice reminded me of those femme fatale type characters in action movies. Or a phone sex operator. There was no in between.

“Um. I think I may have gotten the wrong number? Hold on.” I pulled the phone away from my ear. Nope. Same number that was on the poster. “Or maybe I didn’t? I don’t know.”

Thick laughter followed. Her voice was alluring, not going to lie. However, it was in one of those kind of upper-class refined type voices where they really let each syllable marinate.

“Is this about my family’s necklace?” She asked once she calmed down.

“Yes. Er. Did you ever find it? Still need help looking?”

She began to sob, something I did not expect.

“No...it’s still missing,” she said at last. “Please. I think it would help if we talked more in person. I’ll text you my address.”

“Sounds good. See you in a bit.”

I hung up and saw that there was a new message.

That was fast.

I copied the address and pasted it into the maps app, then headed down there. To think that she would let me into her humble abode so late at night...I had to be careful. It could have been a trap.

Relax. It’s just to get more info about the mission...er...request. I better not act all timid like this once I show up at her place. I gotta act professional.

When I arrived at the address, I was awestruck. Despite how much money she was offering, she didn’t live in some big mansion. Well, maybe it was like a small mansion. I think my mom would’ve called it a condo. I had to climb up a long flight of stairs in order to reach the front door, and when I did so, I knocked.

The door opened to reveal a woman with curled silver-gray hair which didn’t even extend to her shoulders. She had long, curled fingernails, which I only noticed because of how hideously long they were. Just as she was. Like, really? Why did everyone have to be so tall in comparison to me?

“Come on in,” she beckoned, her lips curled into a smile.

I followed her in and she sat in a plush chair. Next to her chair was a small table where an ashtray lay.

“You don’t mind if I smoke, do you?”

Yes! I mind so much! If I get breathing problems because of you, I’ll take that necklace and shove it --

“Not at all,” I shook my head. I had to keep my cool.

I watched her lift up a long stick and inhale, then blew out smoke from it. The scent was rather perfumey and not what I would have expected from tobacco.

“Um. What are you smoking, by the way?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s patchouli scented.” It took me a sec, but then I just had to follow up on that.

“Wait. Are you smoking incense?”

“I don’t know,” she looked away. “I’m distraught.”

Clearly.

“My condolences,” I replied. Intrusive thoughts would be the death of me.

“Thank you,” she set down the incense stick and crossed her arms. “Now, let’s get into business, shall we?”

“Yes. Let’s.”

“As you know, the necklace I lost is an important family heirloom. I hope to have many children one day and have them all fight to the death to see which one will receive it.”

I...what? No. Never mind. She was probably joking. I mean, that wasn’t how the necklace was passed down to her, was it? Of course not. That would have been ridiculous.

“When was the last time you saw it?” I pressed on. If I was going to play detective, I had to ask the real questions.

“Just a few nights ago, it was in its glass case next to my bed post. The next morning, gone. Along with my husband.”

Again. What?

“OK. You never mentioned anything about a husband.”

“Oh yeah. If not for him, I’d already have many kids. He’s always running off looking for the next lay. Catch my drift?”

Yes, but I really wanted to focus on the necklace.

I nodded along. That was for the best.

“If he’s constantly cheating on you, why don’t you just divorce him?”

“Because, dear. Everything that’s his is also mine. Which extends to his mistresses.”

Oh. It was that kind of relationship.

The more I learn, the less I want to. Could we PLEASE get back to the mystery of the missing necklace?

“So do you think your husband took the necklace to impress someone new?” I asked. There. Nice segue, nice save.

“No,” she dispelled that theory. “He’s not so shallow as to try to impress others with material goods. The stolen necklace and my missing husband are unrelated.”

Oh. My. Gods. I so wanted to bash my head against an invisible wall. But I held back.

“So any idea on what happened to it, then?”

She gave a short nod before giving her reply.

“You have to understand, this accessory is worth a fortune. I suspect it’s the work of thieves.”

Ah. There we go. That made sense.

“If that’s the case, they may already be far away from here.”

“Thankfully, I know for a fact that they’re still in town. I almost caught the thieves, but they were well armed, and me, being a poor defenseless lady.”

“Got it. Where did you last spot them?”

She looked around the room all absentminded. I decided to do the same. One key detail stood out to me: the vases, the clocks on the walls, the furniture, it all had this vintage and antiquated feel. It probably wasn’t because she was all that old. Maybe she just wanted to give off this vibe of living all high class and didn’t feel the need to live in some huge place.

“Over next to a warehouse by the docks. They may have moved locations since.”

That made sense. If they were spotted once, why would they stay in the same place. But for real, those must have been some lousy thieves if they thought staying in the same town altogether was a good idea. That mission was going to be a piece of cake. I pointed my thumb toward myself and grinned.

“You’re in luck I showed up! I’m a professional when it comes to this sort of thing!”

“So I can count on you, then?” Her voice, a pleading but hopeful echo. As if I were her potential savior. Finally, it was my time to shine.

“That’s right! Or my name isn’t Demisexual!”

She tilted her head. “Demisexual?”

“Er...it’s my superhero name. It’s a work in progress.”

“It sure is an attention grabber.”

“What about you? Is there a name I should call you?”

Her head bobbed. Tipsy? Maybe. Or maybe the incense fumes have gotten to her. “We’re close enough that you can call me by my first name, yes?”

Not really. This is just for a job. But go ahead.

“Sure,” I shrugged.

“I’m Hera.”

As soon as she uttered those two words, it was like something snapped within me. All the blunt force thoughts I’ve done my best to keep in. My best not to be ridiculous. My best not to comment on the ridiculous. It was all culminating in this moment.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I aired out my complaint.

“What? Is something wrong?”

“Come on! I was passed out as a ferryman took me here, first off! Then I arrived in Olympia! Then I meet a blacksmith called Hephaestus! Then there’s you! Oh, I should’ve seen your name coming when you mentioned your husband, but I was sooooo focused on recovering that necklace! Let me guess: your husband’s name is Zeus?”

“How’d you know?”

“Lucky guess. I mean, it couldn’t possibly be that I stepped into Ancient Greece Reference Land, could it?”

She let out a heavy sigh, and then smiled.

“Deary, I cannot speak for any blacksmiths. That kind of thing’s not something I’m interested in. But as for my husband and I, let me assure you that it’s just a coincidence. While not the most common, there are many people in the world with the name Hera. It would be an insult to them to suggest their names could be chalked up to a reference.”

“Yeah,” I looked down. “I’m sorry about that. I’ll still get that necklace, though!”

“I await your return, hun,” she replied as she saw me off. Really, I shouldn’t have snapped like that. She seemed like a nice enough lady.

As I raced back down the stairs, I decided I needed to pay Hephaestus another visit.

“Hey Heph...Heph…!” Ack. I needed to catch my breath. I really did race back to the shop.

He emerged from the back of his shop, still the same mass of muscle upon muscle.

“What can I do for you? Got the money?” He got right down to business. Guess it made sense. He did own a business, after all.

“Actually, I was wondering if there was something else I could afford.” I handed him the money once more.

“Hmm…” He gave it some thought. Then pulled out a stiletto. “You can have this. It didn’t take me long to make.”

“Good! I’ll take what I can get!” I snatched it away from him.

“So no longer interested in the yakut knife?” He asked.

“Oh no, I still am. And I’m going to get it. I just took a job and it’s going to pay me plenty. But I gotta have something to defend myself with.”

“Look, whatever you got going on, just leave me out of it. I’ve got a reputation to uphold. I’m a craftsman, not an arms dealer.”

“Not a problem! See ya!” I ran back out to embark on my investigation.

Now let’s see...she said a warehouse along the docks, right? They probably weren’t there anymore, but it still seemed like a good idea to check. Eventually I reached a series of white marble buildings which served as a great contrast to the night sky. If I had to grade it, I’d give it a B+ for the composition, even though really, the architecture work was boring.

As I approached the warehouse buildings (I mean, I have to assume that’s what they were), I heard voices around the corner. I clung to the building and listened in on their conversation:

“So did you hear Jerry and his guys are in the hospital right now?”

Huh. Jerry. That name reminds me of that guy whose foot I shot. Probably a coincidence, though.

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, apparently Sunny’s got herself an apprentice now. Some unhinged college student or something like that.”

Oh. Nope. It’s the same Jerry. Well, that’s cool, I guess. Wait. What was that last bit? ‘Unhinged’? Really?

“Dang. Every time it seems someone’s got an upper hand on Sunny, she pulls a trick like that.”

Hello? Where’s my recognition? Oh, whatever. At least I was building up a reputation now.

“Well, now that we’ve stolen this necklace from that snobbish woman, we’ll be swimming in bread.”

Necklace! Snobbish woman! That must mean Hera’s necklace! I have to find a way to sneak around and take it back!”

Right when I took a step back, I kicked back a pebble. Just a little. Measly. Pebble.

“Huh? What was that?” One of the thieves asked. Alerted.

It was always the little things that gave someone away, wasn’t it? If I wasn’t being so literal, that would have been poetic. Instead, it was pathetic.

Great. New objective: run. Hide. Get out of there before you get caught.

But just as I turned around and bolted away, I bumped into someone and fell onto the ground.

The ‘someone’ in question was a big and burly man with a big burlap sack and a black and white shirt along with a black and white pair of pants.

“What do we have here?” He asked, in that big burly voice.

“Ow, me bum,” I winced.

Behind me ran the footsteps of the two who I heard conversing with each other. I turned around and crawled over to face two, no, three men in grey business suits and raybans on (if that was their idea of concealing their identity, it was a terrible fashion choice). One of the three stepped forward and pointed a pistol down at me.

“Say, aren’t you the apprentice of Sunny I’ve heard so much about?” He asked. Presumably, the leader. In spite of him holding a gun, I was more concerned about the guy behind me. That guy could’ve grabbed me and held me in place while the skinny one with the gun shot me down. But the skinny one? Yeah, I could take that dude.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I turned my head and spat on the ground.

“Oh? Acting all tough, are you? You’re surrounded.”

Shit. He’s right.

“Now, tell me what you’re up to and maybe I’ll let you walk away.”

“I came for the necklace,” I relented. At least I growled while doing so. Had to sound tough somehow.

He began to laugh, and the other three joined in.

“So you think just because you’re an apprentice of Sunny, you think you can do whatever you want now?” He still had that gun pointed at me, but I didn’t care. I had to set the record straight (even if the rest of me wasn’t).

“I’m not an apprentice! I’m a bonafide vigilante! You can call me Demisexual!”

They all looked at each other. Confused. Greeeaaaat.

“Demisexual?” The leader asked.

“Look, it’s a work in progress. It’ll catch on.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the necklace, dangled it above my head. All the while, his other hand held onto that pistol.

“This what you wanted? You thought you could play hero for some rich woman who wouldn’t even be able to tell if her necklace was replaced with a counterfeit?”

“Actually,” I corrected. “I thought I could play antihero, but I guess I’m not good at that one, either.”

At first, their expressions were blank stares, but then they burst into laughter. Great. I was the butt of all jokes wherever I went. Well, I figured I may as well make the most of a painful moment and make things even more painful. So while they were all distracted, I reached up and with one hand, grabbed onto his wrist which held his gun, and then I let the stiletto slip out from my sleeve and plunged it right into his arm. The sensation left him screaming and he dropped the necklace.

Damn, I didn’t think it would cut through his skin that deep. For such a small weapon, it sure did its job. Still, I will miss it. To think I had to part with it so soon all because it’s lodged into some guy’s arm.

Now, I had to act fast. No doubt the others also had guns. Not only that, but the big guy behind me tried to grab me, but I jumped out of the way and took off with the necklace in my hands.

As I bolted further into the shipyards, I ran between two warehouse buildings and into an alleyway. There was still gunfire behind me and I was just grateful none of them managed to hit, let alone graze me.

Once in the alleyway, I noticed a wall, and I felt my luck run out. It wouldn’t take them long to find me, as it wasn’t like I ran very far, and I couldn’t just turn around. All I had to my advantage was a dumpster which I could possibly hide inside, but ew. I had standards.

However, I noticed along the wall next to the dumpster, there were little gaps that I might have been able to climb up.

It’s a long shot. I mean, that temple was one thing, but I’m not much of a climber. Still, I’ll take my chances.

So I stashed the necklace into my pocket and began climbing. I thought I would lose my balance several times within the short minute it took, but I held on as tight as I could, even as the marble from the walls scratched against my palms.

One moment later, the gang of thieves ran into the alleyway.

“Where’d she go? I could have sworn she ran in here?”

“Dude, check the dumpster. She may have been crazy enough to hide in there.”

Ha. Glad I didn’t dirty myself up thinking that was a good place to hide.

I poked my head down from the rooftop. Those guys really were looking every which way but up. I slunk back down and pulled the necklace out of my pocket.

The more I examined it, the more pretty I thought of it. The little sapphire beads and the red brooch that lay in the middle. It reminded me of one of those cursed amulets you’d see in movies.

I wonder if Remora would be proud of me. Maybe she’d pat my head and say, “good job.”

Maybe it was the exhaustion setting in, but I continued to stare at the thing. Then, knowing that those guys didn’t find me, it was all so hilarious. I couldn’t help but to laugh as well.

“Hey! She’s up on the roof!” I heard one of them yell.

“Damn it!” I hissed. Right when I thought things were going my way.

“Let’s split up and go around each side. I’ll go inside and climb up to the rooftop. Either way, we’ll get her.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. No!

I ran toward the far end of the rooftop and looked down, behind the alleyway. There was a whole sea of shipping containers strewn about the place, which gave off the appearance of a maze.

They haven’t reached the other side yet. I’ll climb down and lose them in those shipping containers.

Again, long shot. But it worked once, so no reason why it couldn’t work again, right?

Once I went about getting myself down, however, it proved to be a different story; I hung from the ledge of the rooftop and moved my legs about, trying to find a place to prop my foot on. To no avail. My hands began to slip and I fell down.

How come this was easier in the temple?

What I fell onto wasn’t the ground, however. Instead, I found myself in the arms of yet another large muscled man. This one looked like he was a good five hundred pounds. His entire face was covered in hair. Beard, mustache, sideburn, all that. Oh, and he was shirtless.

“Ew! Ew! Let go of me!” I squirmed. He set me down.

“Whoa there! I just saw you were in trouble and figured you could use some help!”

“I was doing just fine! If I wanted to fall off a tall building, that’s my choice!” Seriously. What was up with my luck?

“Say, you’re kinda cute,” he remarked. Even worse. Now I had some guy in his 50s (probably) hitting on me. Totally uncool.

“Sorry. I’m only into strong women. Not strong men. Also I’d prefer if they were my age. And their name started with an ‘R’.”

He lowered his head and smiled. “Ah, I see you are a woman of culture as well.”

“Uh-huh. Culture. Right,” I had no idea what he was talking about. But before I could linger in my confusion, the voices of the thieves rang through my ears.

“It’s her! Get her!”

Actually, maybe this would be a good opportunity to get away from the creepy dude.

“Look, dude. Thanks for not letting me die and all, but I gotta bolt.”

So I slipped into the maze of shipping containers. I knew they’d follow me in there, so I took off the jacket I had been wearing and threw it on one end of the maze while I ran in the other direction.

“She went that way!” I heard them yell. It seemed my idea worked. Soon I would be out of this place and back toward Hera to deliver her necklace. My pace picked up as soon as I saw an opening and the outline of houses came into view. I was so close toward freedom.

– Then gunfire rang through the air. Followed by screams.

I froze in my tracks. I always forgot how loud, how startling that sound could be. I turned around. Of course they weren’t anywhere near me. Yet questions swam through my mind.

“Who shot who?”

“Am I next?”

Those questions repeated with greater intensity as I heard footsteps approach. Next to me, one of the doors to a shipping container was open. I slipped inside and closed the door behind me.

“That’ll teach those thieves,” a familiar husky voice seeped through the air.

No way. That couldn’t be.

“Did you really have to kill them, hun?” That sounded like the shirtless old man. Wait. No. It was all coming together.

“Those guys would’ve tried to kill me if they knew I was trying to take my necklace back. Besides, it’s not hard to dispose of their bodies.”

“Hey hun, been a while, huh?”

“Who all have you been sleeping with now?” Her voice sounded more gruff than earlier. More serious. Almost like Remora’s.

“Uhh…”

“You know our arrangement. You can sleep with whoever you want, so long as the person is also someone I’d be interested in sleeping with. Of course, they’d also have to be okay with us as a group.”

“Oh, no need to worry about that! I’ve found some potential candidates! For sure! I’ve not made any moves yet, though. I wanted you to be there with me!”

It was definitely them. How I wish I could block out their conversation.

“Strange. My tracker says the necklace is nearby, but I haven’t spotted it. I didn’t even spot any of those thieves with it.”

She had a tracker? Really? Was I just used as bait or something? If I held onto the necklace, would I be next? Was there never going to be a reward?

My mind raced, but I thought up an idea; I reached into my pocket and pulled out a phone, then I texted Hera:

Me: I got the necklace! I stashed it away in a container, but I’ll meet you at your place and then we can go back and get it together!

I felt like a fool. There was no way that would work, was there? Well…

“Oh. I got a text. Looks like she hid it somewhere near us.”

“Who?” Zeus (I presume) asked.

“My little helper. Seeing as I caught you holding her in your arms, I take it you already met her. Flirting and everything.”

“You got it wrong! She’s not my type! She’s small! And gay!”

That’s right! I wanted to shout out for joy, but I knew better.

“How deplorable. To think you would stoop so low as to go after someone who wouldn’t be attracted to you.”

“Anyway, should we stay here and keep looking or go home?” He deflected.

“Let’s go home. I’d rather make her show us where she hid it than be out here all night.”

Yes! It worked!

As soon as I heard them walk away, I opened the door and poked my head out just to make sure the coast was clear. Once I was sure it was, I decided to follow through on my end and meet the two there.

I huffed and puffed as I made my way up the stairs. I thought that with all my running, maybe I could’ve made it back to their house before them. I was proven wrong when I opened the door and saw each of them seated in that chair. To be more precise, Hera was sitting in Zeus’ lap. I really wish I could have erased the image from my mind.

“Hey...hey…” I waved while hunched down with my hands on my knees and gasping for breath.

“Drink some water, dear,” Hera suggested.

Did I ever take that water I asked for when I was in that tavern? If not, then I really am a fool, now aren’t I?

“Just...just a sec,” I tried to breathe a little slower.

“So, you retrieved the necklace?” She asked.

“Yeah. Just like I said I would. It was a bit tough. Those thieves really did a number on me, but I –”

“Good. Hand it over.”

“Huh? I can’t do that. I left it back at the shipyard. Just like the text said. We can go there right now and I’ll show you.”

Hera and Zeus looked at each other, and I wished I wasn’t looking at them. Then, Hera looked back at me.

“Come on. You can drop the act,” Hera smiled as if she were about to dig into a meal. “I know it’s in your pocket.”

“What?” I reached into my pocket. So it was. It seemed that in my carelessness, I forgot to leave the necklace behind. Well, the cat was out of the bag. I pulled the necklace out. “How’d you know?”

“There’s a tracking device hidden within the brooch. But you already heard me say as much back at the shipyard, didn’t you?”

I gulped.

Congratulations, Demetria. You played yourself.

“Are you going to kill me now?” My voice grew fearful, desperate. “Is it because of your husband? Or because I lied to you? Or maybe just because I have your necklace and you want it back?”

The two looked at each other yet again. I was expecting laughter. It did seem to be a recurring theme of the night.

You know, now that I think of it, those two remind me a bit of Sunny and Ray. Except less tolerable. If anything, they made me appreciate Sunny and Ray’s presence all that much more.

“Hey hun, isn’t she just adorable?” Hera asked Zeus.

“She is,” Zeus agreed.

This is gross. If you’re going to kill me, just do it without the humiliation.

Hera turned her attention back to me. “Now dear, why would I kill you? We had an arrangement, didn’t we? You would return the necklace, and I would reward you.”

“Yeah, but what about those thieves? You killed them.”

“Yes, because they stole something from me. But you intend to give the necklace back, don’t you?”

“That-” I struggled to find the words. I knew better than to act badass. I had lost the one weapon I managed to purchase. There was nothing in my environment that I could use to my advantage. Still, I already came that far. “That depends: will you kill me once I hand it to you? ‘Cause if you’re going to kill me either way, I’ll just swallow the necklace.”

Hera laughed up a storm. There it was. The laughter I expected at any moment. But I was serious.

“I will not kill you, dear. Promise,” she crooned. I still wasn’t totally convinced.

“Sign a contract, then! Saying that you won’t try to kill me!” I barked.

“Very well.” Hera pulled out some pen and paper out from a drawer in the table where the ashtray lay. I stared at her, and all the while, she scribbled down on the sheet of paper. She stopped to ask me my name.

“Demisexual,” I told her. She shook her head, her crooked smile never waved.

“Come on. We’re all friends here. You can tell me.”

I hesitated.

“Tell you what: I’ll add an addendum to the contract. Stating that whoever you are, I will not use your name to track you down. If your name is such a secret, then you can rest assured that your secret is safe in this home.”

I gulped. “Demetria,” I told her. “Demetria Root.”

“See? Now that wasn’t so hard, Demetria, now was it?” She crooned once more. It really irked me.

She went back to writing down the ‘contract’, then took a picture of it on her phone and texted it to me. It stated: “I, Hera Juneau, hereby declare that I will not make an attempt on one Demetria Root’s life.”

I approached her and set the necklace down on the table. In response, she chuckled.

“Oh, Demetria. It’s adorable how easily trusting you are. If I was less reputable, I wouldn’t have honored such a hastily scribbled contract. I would have shredded it, shot you, then destroyed your phone and disposed of your body.”

“Hey! You said!”

“Relax. I am the type to honor contracts, however they come about. Besides, just as I said, I wasn’t going to kill you.”

Whew. Okay. Maybe I was a little quick to jump to conclusions.

“Not to mention,” she added. “You were fun. It was entertaining watching you run around.”

“Um. Thanks?”

“You may be interested to know, but I used to accept contracts all the time. Back when I was in my prime, I lived as an assassin. Both Zeus and I. That’s how we met, in fact.”

My jaw dropped. “You mean...like, you got paid to kill people? Did you take pleasure in that sort of thing?”

She closed her eyes and nodded.

“It wasn’t so much that I enjoyed it, but I was good at what I did and I enjoyed doing my job well.”

“I see.” Yeah. I was still in dangerous territory. “But you quit? You’re done with that life now?” I asked. Naive as ever.

“I wouldn’t say I quit. Those who quit tend to find themselves on the wrong side of a contract. But...in a roundabout way, they laid me off. Technically, I would still be employed by them, except after a certain age, they decided I wasn’t as good as I used to be and stopped offering me contracts. I’ve tried to settle down, but it’s not been easy.”

Huh. I could imagine.

“Oh!” It looked like she had one of those lightbulb moments. “Now that I think of it, I think you have the potential to make a fine assassin, yourself, Demetria.”

I shook my head. “Hell no. I’m not about to kill people for money.”

“That’s a shame. Not to say you would make a fine assassin now, but give it a year, and I’m sure you would. But that’s okay. I don’t want to force a career down the younger generation. Hmm…” She placed her finger on her chin. “Maybe you could have been a janitor.”

“Excuse me?”

She waved her hand away. “That’s just what they’re called. Or were called. Last I heard, they all got wiped out. Seems someone killed them all. Shame, too.”

“I’m pretty sure there’s still custodians around,” I pointed out.

She laughed her villainous laugh. “No, dear. Janitors were like assassins. Called such because they would go around and ‘clean up other people’s messes’. Many of them weren’t even killers. If you had a niche to fill that they could utilize, you could have been among their ranks.”

That actually did sound pretty cool. But it was too bad those people didn’t exist.

“How did one become a ‘janitor’ anyway?” Oh no. I was sucked in.

“If they wanted you to be one, they would come to you and make you one. That’s how they worked. Went across multiple universes searching for their candidates. It really was a doozy, from what I heard.”

Multiple universes? Really? Did anyone really believe that sci-fi nonsense? It was just like that Tony guy I met at Ray’s diner that one time.

“Anyway,” Hera seemed ready to wrap up our deal. Good. So was I. “How would you like your money? As a check? Wired to you?”

Good! She’s still going to stick with that, too! I’ll be rich! But wait...I don’t need to be rich. I just want a cool weapon.

“Actually...I have something else in mind.” After I told her what that something else was, she agreed, and we saw each other off. As glad as I was to get rid of her, I couldn’t help but feel just a little bit excited. After all, I got to fight some guys, and I got to have a weapon for a short while. Oh! And I learned some lore!

It was about a couple days later in which I returned to the diner. I didn’t remember how I acquired a red sweater vest and yet I was wearing one.

“Huh?” I remarked. “Maybe the ferryman put it on me while I was asleep.”

Before I could really take in my surroundings, Tigershark ran up and hugged me.

“Yay! Babysitter!”

I looked down.

“That’s what I am now? Since when?”

Sunny appeared in frame with a big ol’ smile on her face.

“Since you got back! Now that you’re back, I’m going back to the hospital to visit Ray!”

Jeez. I just got back like five minutes or so ago and already Sunny was leaving.

“Aren’t you gonna ask me how it went?”

“Oh yeah! What weapon did you choose?” There we go. Now Sunny was excited.

“It’s a surprise! I don’t have one right now!”

Sunny’s face lowered. Disappointment was written all over.

“But that’s OK! Because I still managed to get something! Hephaestus said he’ll mail it here for me, so I can’t wait to show you when it gets here! He even threw in an extra weapon when I told her Hera got me the money. Though he looked a little scared when I did.”

“Hera?” Sunny tilted her head. “Hephy’s never mentioned anyone named Hera before. Wonder why.”

I shrugged. “Beats me! But yeah! It’ll be great!”

Sunny grinned. “Well, I’m glad you had fun, dear.”

I looked around the diner, but Remora was nowhere to be found. The most likely answer was that she was at the hospital with Ray at the moment, but I hoped to see her all the same. Even if she still wanted me to keep my distance.

I hoped I could tell her all about how my trip to Olympia went. Maybe one of these days.

#remoras full #action #adventure #comedy #assassins #treasure #weapons #olympia #demetria #writing #stories #fiction

5 notes · View notes