#more like ineffable divorce but yk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

devinwolfi · 1 year

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ohhhh my god ok pls keep in mind that i watched angel one (1) time ????? years ago (more than 10, time is fake, etc) and immediately turned off the tv at the end like “wow what the fuck was that. anyway” so lots of this may be misremembered or made up so please accept this salt shaker 🧂 and let’s fucking goooo

so this happened in one of the later seasons iirc? 4 maybe? anyway cordy and angel either had a big dramatic breakup or he cheated on her, i can’t remember. but either way he fucked (drum roll) darla??? yes that darla, his sire who for sure died in buffy s1, but we don’t deal in continuity here, this is angel. so she’s??? back??? somehow??? and they fuck which ok whatever except!!! she gets pregananant! which again, theoretically not possible, but this is basically fanfiction so what the fuck.

so she’s knocked up with her vampire zombie spawn thing, and i can’t remember if she sticks around for a bit while the baby cooks and ups the angst factor with cordelia? or it might just be a magical uncle ben’s 2 minute baby situation. either way she dies in childbirth (like she dusts out and there’s just?? an infant???) so angel is left to raise this monstrosity alone. sad.

but then! the babby! is…kidnapped. to hell, for some reason? unclear. so angel has to go to hell to get his child back, except OH NO time dilation shenanigans, the baby is all grown up now even though he was just born last week! he’s a moody teenager and angel is a deadbeat dad, oops

so he brings this understandably angsty and resentful teenage boy (i wanna say connor? don’t quote me) home to his weird bunker thing with all his monster hunting friends, which like. good job, a+ parenting. and it’s rough and the kid hates him for abandoning him in hell (fair) and it’s all very the first half of a steve martin movie where the divorced dad tries to bond with the kid he doesn’t know, yk?

but then. THEN. cordelia decides this is her moment. her friend/ex/whatever is struggling! he is trying to bond with his child! cordy can help! by….fucking him. yeah, she fucks this traumatized 16yo monster baby who was literally born last week, because that’s a responsible adult choice. reliving her queen of sunnydale high glory days??? literally who knows

and if you think that’s the worst bit about this nightmare plotline, strap in! we’re not done! guess who else gets pragnet? that’s right babeyyy, cordelia is having *checks notes* angel’s grandchild????

who turns out to be, i shit you not, gina torres. fully grown gina torres who is also god, for some reason? and this whole thing starting with darla mysteriously coming back from the dead all the way to connor being raised in hell (where angel couldn’t influence him to be uhhhhh a normal well adjusted child ig??? didn’t seem to be a huge risk all things considered but what do i know) was part of the great ineffable plan to get cordy to give birth to gina torres in white robes and return god to the world

except she turns out evil (obv) bc she’s like some alien thing idk and they have to kill her. but yeah. that’s the most fucked up thing i remember from angel? also the only thing rly. pretty sure cordelia and angel get back together in the end? there might be another love triangle with spike, which like, can a guy catch a break? goddamn

what in the twilightriverdalesupernatualvampirediaries

the only part of this that makes any sense is gina torres is god bc that just feels right

but seriously every modern monster show wishes they were buffy(& co(angel(through gritted teeth))) no one will ever have what they had

also assuming xander has been brutually killed by this point which, i hope so, i wonder how he feels about cordy and angel bc his type in women is women who are into angel

#asks #dreamofbecoming #long post

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