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#more esther posting coming soon btw
teadocs · 2 months
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emote practice
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sweetpea-sprite · 4 years
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13 for the angst, love your writing btw ^u^
“haha hey guys taking prompts :) will probably be really short haha :)” [writes 1400 words]
you didn’t specify a character/ship (which i did not say was a thing you could do because i forgot but for anyone reading this you can do that if you want lmao) so i chose esther because i love her and she doesn’t have enough development
i’ll probably post this on ao3 too? so look out for that
(ALSO THANK YOU ILY2)
(ALSO also my playlist decided to play hug all ur friends by cavetown as i was writing this and i nearly started sobbing. for the full experience please listen to that while reading)
edit: lol i put it under a read more because it was annoying me having to scroll through it i’m sorry
13. “If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”
It’s been… a day.
Between Oliver still being comatose when the day began, to fighting Vileheart for the second time (without Oliver, mind you), to Oliver waking up and defeating Vileheart with a new spell and a vengeance, Esther thinks she can safely say she hasn’t had this much emotional tax since the day her father tried to fight Shadar, who had subsequently decided to pay her a visit. The hardships aren’t over yet, however. They still have to trek through the Miasma Marshes for a second time, then it’s to Nevermore to defeat the Dark Djinn himself.
Oliver, having just woken from a coma (in which he found out his mom is dead forever) had been anxious to get going, even suggesting they start the journey the very next day. Esther doesn’t understand it, and clearly neither do Swaine and Drippy, seeing as they immediately help her to shut that idea down. They’re having at least one rest day, preferably a few. Oliver pouts, but otherwise doesn’t complain.
The Cat’s Cradle gives them a free room with three beds, and though Oliver is confused, the others take it with a sighed “thank you”. News of Oliver’s condition had spread quickly considering how tiny Perdida is, and after a week of staying there you get to know the townspeople, including the innkeeper, just a little. Swaine takes the bed nearest the door, Oliver the one next to his, and Esther takes the one on the opposite side of the room. Drippy, who had stolen a cushion from the inn lobby, throws it onto Oliver’s bed as Oliver tosses his bag in a corner. All of them start to settle in, lying on top of their beds quietly.
Five minutes of awkward silence later, Oliver sits up from where he was leafing through his Wizard’s companion without actually reading it, slamming the book shut and making everyone jump. “I’m going for a walk,” he says shortly, moving to do just that. Drippy moves from his cushion to follow, but Oliver turns around and stops him. “Mr. Drippy, you look exhausted,” he says softly. “I’ll be fine.” The two of them have a slight stare off before Drippy grumbles to himself and lies back down.
Oliver is almost out the door when Esther sits up too. “I’ll come with you,” she says decidedly, and Oliver turns to tell her what he told Drippy, but wilts under her gaze.
“Okay,” he says defeatedly, and Esther shuffles off of her bed and follows him out. Swaine says nothing, but watches them leave out of one eye. Drippy seems more relaxed with Esther going as well, and turns over just as she leaves.
They leave the inn in silence, the sun beginning to set over Perdida, giving them a pink-orange backdrop. Not as many people are out as before, and the two walk in an awkward silence through town, not quite sure where they’re going. “So,” Oliver starts, quietly. “…How are you?”
Esther’s quiet for a moment, before bursting into giggles. “How am I?” she says, between laughter, “I’m not the one who just got out of a magical coma.”
Oliver glances up at her, and smiles. “I guess not,” he says, laughing slightly along with her. “But… I did miss a week. Did anything interesting happen?”
Esther hums. She has to think about it, seeing as most of the past week had been filled with sobbing, and she doubts that’ll lighten the mood. “I learned a new song,” she says. “Raises defense.” Refrain, it’s called. She doesn’t tell Oliver why she learned it, of course. If Swaine had been punching a few walls while he had been out, that wasn’t her business. Making Swaine’s hands hurt less with every punch had been something she had been able to do to help, and god, had she needed it then.
“That’s really great, Esther!” Oliver says, beaming up at her. “I… know we’re all pretty tired,” Understatement, Esther thinks, “but show it to me tomorrow?”
“Sure!” Esther says, grinning. It’s like Oliver was never gone. “Oh! I thought of another thing. The other day, there was a visitor from Hamelin.”
“Really?” Oliver’s eyes widen.
“Mhm! It wasn’t Marcassin, but he sent his regards. He’s never been to Perdida, so he couldn’t cast Travel, and he had duties to attend to… Oh, and-”
They continue chatting as they walk out of town, Oliver of course waving to the guard as they go by, mostly about nothing, Esther catching Oliver up on the things he’d missed (which wasn’t much, considering the past week was her, Drippy, and Swaine realising how much their life had begun to revolve around Oliver), and for a moment it almost seemed like he’d never left.
…For a moment.
They sit on the grass near the edge of the cliff, near where Esther had found Swaine just that morning. There’s an area of the grass near them that’s been scuffed up from their fight with Vileheart, which Esther decides to ignore. Unfortunately, she only manages to do so for so long.
Oliver laughs. Oliver laughs, and it’s so stupid, but Esther hasn’t heard him laugh in what feels like years. Hasn’t even heard his voice in what feels like years. She’s just watched him as he laid perfectly, deathly still, not shifting an inch.
“Esther?” Oliver says, causing her to look at him. “What’s wrong?” he asks, and she wonders how he can say that when he’s… alive. She’s been staring at his still as a statue face for the past week, letting the hours tick by. She had almost forgotten what shade of blue his eyes were, and now that they’re open and awake and bright… it’s too much.
She attempts to swallow past the lump in her throat, and doesn’t succeed. “I’m fine,” she says, and winces at how pathetic her voice sounds.
Oliver shakes his head. “No you’re not. What’s wrong?”
Esther takes a moment to pull herself slightly more together, then says, “I just… you’re here.” She almost laughs at Oliver’s confused face. “You’re alive. You’re awake. I… we didn’t know if…” She sniffles, and sincerely hopes the implication was clear, because she doesn’t think she can keep talking.
The first tear falls from Esther’s eye and drops down onto her hands, bunched in her lap.
“Esther…” Oliver murmurs. “I… I’m sorry…” Esther lets out a choked laugh, inhaling as she tries to stop the tears from coming. He’s sorry? He isn’t the one having a breakdown because he’s back from the possible dead.
“Oliver,” Esther says, when she gets the slightest moment to breathe, “If you don’t hug me right now, I think I might fall apart.” As if she hasn’t already fallen apart, as if she isn’t currently falling apart.
Oliver immediately moves and wraps his arms around Esther, who hugs back with a vengeance as she starts actively sobbing, because Oliver is alive, and you’d think after repeating it so much it would become less remarkable, but somehow it hasn’t. Esther hugs Oliver tighter, and he returns it, shifting in order to hug her easier. They stay like that until Esther’s sobs turn into breathy sniffles.
“I…” Oliver sounds choked up as well as he speaks into Esther’s shoulder, sniffling slightly. “I’m not gonna die. I’m gonna… I’ll be here for as long as you need me,” he says, and Esther doesn’t like how he avoids saying forever, wondering what that means. She ignores it as she blubbers into Oliver’s shoulder.
“Promise?” she says shakily.
“…Promise,” Oliver murmurs, pulling away and facing Esther.
Esther realises Oliver’s crying too, though to a lesser extent than her. He smiles through his tears, eyebrows bunched together, and laughs quietly, sadly. He sniffs. “I swear to… to stay with you guys for as long as you need me.”
“…Yeah?” Esther says, ignoring the wording again. “You… you will?” She knows she already got a promise, but she really needs to hear it again.
“Yeah.”
“…Okay.”
Oliver moves back to sitting beside Esther, leaning his head on her shoulder. She leans back, and they watch as the sun moves below the horizon, and the sky gets darker. “We should probably go back to the inn soon,” Esther murmurs, and Oliver hums in agreement, but neither of them move to do so.
They eventually stumble back as the sky turns to twilight, and if Swaine and Drippy notice their tear tracks, they don’t say anything.
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wishingfornever · 5 years
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2/16/2018 – No Contact:  Mass Tragedy
There was a school shooting yesterday.  I think?  May have been the day before.  It was mentioned yesterday but I was so sleepy I couldn’t recall.
Gun control in the US… or at least the debate begins.  I was actually raised in a household with a lot of guns.  Go figure, it’s one of the reasons why Esther was SO concerned that I’d kill Dennis and why Dennis feared for his life.  OoooOOOooo.
I’m reminded that Dennis is the biggest fucking coward.  Obviously I didn’t kill him and I wouldn’t have killed him.
Whatever. Not the point.  The point is, in the US there is always a delay when talking about gun control.  Like, so much.  “Can’t talk about gun control; you’re using these victims to push an agenda.”  So, the best you can do to even bring it up is to wait… then they’ll forget about it and it’s no longer an issue.  Out of sight is out of mind, so to speak.
I’m pro gun.  I believe the populous should always have access to firearms as a whole.  As a whole.  A whole.  The individual, however, should not.
What does that mean?
It means if the individual is unfit to own a gun then they shouldn’t own a gun. Simple.  The same way that you need a driver’s license to own a car.  The difference between a car and a gun is that your car isn’t protected by the Bill of Rights.  In order to operate a car, however, you can’t be drunk and a lot of medications say you shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a car when on them.
Irresponsibility is certainly an issue.  However, that’s not the ONLY problem.
I’d like to think medications are a big part of it.  Not necessarily the medications themselves, but the reason people need them.  I’m under the impression that if the US were to embrace a healthcare system that would allow for people to afford therapists, then there would be far less shootings.  Why do I think this?
Because the US isn’t the only nation that allows guns to their population.
Iceland and Switzerland are two GREAT examples.  Switzerland has allowed their citizens and foreigners with permanent residence to own automatic weapons.  No mass shootings.  Why?
The right wingers will say because EVERYONE is armed… but that’s not true.  The left wingers will say that it’s because the government tracks EVERYTHING and you can’t fire a bullet without them knowing… but that’s also not true.
The fact of the matter is, Switzerland is actually… kind of… happy?  The US is an impoverished, third world shithole despite being the wealthiest and most first world nation in the world.  The citizenry of Switzerland aren’t impoverished and live in first world conditions despite being technically a third world nation that is renowned for it’s banks.  Not everyone is a banker, obviously.
Switzerland has a higher Human Development Index than the US.  The HDI in the US is dropping.  And when income inequality is taken into account, the US drops even more.  Switzerland has nationalized healthcare, so their people are taken care of.  The US?  That shit keeps get taken away because “muh taxes.”  Your taxes are going to the poor whether you’d like it or not, Mr American Taxpayer.  If someone is on foodstamps despite having a job, then their company isn’t paying them enough.  If you want to pay less for taxes then you should push for a higher minimum wage.
Simple enough.  Tax money goes to foodstamps, which less money can go to foodstamps if the people on foodstamps can afford their own food.  Or that taxmoney can go to medicare, like every other first world nation, so you can save a bit more later on.  In the US, prices for medical treatments are SUPER high without good reason.
The US population is relatively disgruntled.  Switzerland, which has a lot of guns themselves including FULLY automatic rifles, doesn’t have the mass shootings the US does.  It’s because the Swiss aren’t as unhappy as the US. They can get all the treatment they need to prevent wanting to murder everyone.  There is less stress and inconvenience in Switzerland.  There is just more of everything that makes a Swiss citizen human and less of everything that makes a Swiss citizen… well… American.
The US isn’t the best country in the world because it’s a country that constantly contradicts itself and ignores it’s own problems while misattributing them wholly.
At Dollar General, I see people come in from their jobs while still in uniform.  Not even like “Dollar General” jobs where you have to purchase and assemble your own uniform.  Like, legitimate customized colors with the companies name on it.  Jobs that pay MORE than just minimum wage, yet they’re still on foodstamps.  Why?  What is the purpose of having a job if it isn’t enough to keep you alive?
Of course, the shooter was 19, I think?  Apparently, he bragged about killing animals which is a clear sign of being a serial killer later in life.  He’s not the sort of person to have guns because he’s, and hear me out on this, NOT THE SORT OF PERSON WHO SHOULD OWN GUNS. Want to know what is more expensive than guns?  Therapy.
He apparently posted on Facebook really dumb things.  Like, looking back it’s obvious.  He was reported to the FBI and they couldn’t find out anything beyond his name.  Youtube should have sent them his Email address and FBI could have used that email address to look him up on Facebook, just to see if he’s posted anything similar there because Facebook has made privacy a very unpopular thing.
Don’t need to even do NSA and track him through his email and watch him closely or whatever it is they do.  Spoiler alert, they do nothing of important value.  If this guy was posting dumb shit and the NSA didn’t get involved, then they’re literally worthless.  Save some money and disband the NSA.  Not like spying on your own citizens (and our own allies) actually works, it seems.
Ugh… this is my day off.  Don’t want to get too angry… btw, time is 11am.  Been up since at least 9am.  Went to bed at about 9pm.  So, about 12 hours?  I think that’s not bad.  Catching up and I’m ready to face the day.  I’m going to relax today.  Worry about everything tomorrow.  No working on my book, no calling dad, no productivity.  This is a break day.  I want to have breakfast soon. Almost 12 and no food.  Not cooking eggs.  Going to be cereal.
But then again, a breakfast sandwich sounds pretty kick ass right about now…  Or even a regular sandwich…
So, Pizza Hut just sent me an email.  Stuffed crust large two topping pizza… for 10 dollars.  My god.  Such a brilliant deal.
Thing is, I order online so it seems that there is always access to a large two topping pizza for 7.99 and you can have it stuffed crust for 2 dollars more.  Which makes it 9.99.  If I order it like that, I literally save myself a penny…
Now, that may seem pretty dumb.  And it is.  However, they basically just sent me an email to tell me that they have a SPECIAL deal for something that I already know about and have done on occasion.  They also want a penny more for this information.
Current Time;  11:50.  I am drunk.  I was drinking as part of a stream for NGParadox.  I like him, charming fellow.  British, but he’s worth it if you can get past that shitty accent.  I went out for pizza… free pizza.  Adela didn’t have any.  She said she vomited 7 times. Jesus, I hope she’s okay, I just remembered.
I hope she gets better.  She doesn’t want pizza.  I ate most of it.  
I am drubk.  Current time is 1am tomorrow.  Relly drunk.  So drunk that I’m revealing something.  Yesterday, I was so tired I bought a candle.  Or the day before yesterday?  When I went back to work I bought a candle.  I bought a candle when I felt on the verge of blacking out from Dollar General and wrote “Esther returns to me” on it.  I am so drunk right now.  I lit it that night with a lighter nad it’s still burning.
It’s an intention candle.  I’m not sure why but I’m placing faith in the universe.  I’ve actually prayed if you can believe it.  I prayed that Esther would come back into my life.  If tht’s not pathetic, I don’t know what is.
Can you believe that? After all this time, I still care for her?  And she said I wouldn’t because I’m a narcessist.  Fuck her.  I love her regardless of what a total bitch she’s been.  It won’t help though.  There is no power in the universe, but it’s welcome to prove me wrong through delivery of Esther.  Are you there, infinite power of the universe? Did you hear my prayers?
I don’t think it did.  It gives me hope, though… thinking something divine is looking out for me. I microwaved the remaining too slives of pizza.  Finished the stream I as watching, bound to sleep soon.  Why do I care so much about her? Why can’t I just move on?  This is creepy for her… why am I such a piece of shit?
Whatever. Remind me tomorrow to share some stories about what happene when I bought alcohol.  Night
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foamingkitty · 6 years
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2018: My personal goals
Happy New Year everyone! I’ve just dusted off my computer, dug up a shiny new notebook and made myself a cup of lemon/ginger/kurkuma/honey tea. 2018 is going to be a great year, and of course I’m kicking it of with big plans! Here’s my list of personal aims and goals for this year:
1. Be more organised.
Last year I started the year with creating a bullet journal. Sadly I only managed to keep up with it for about 4 months, after which I fell back to my usual routine of keeping a gazillion messy To Do lists which I consequently kept losing. Thus feeling that I was always running after the facts, instead of feeling like I was on top of things! Keeping a bullet journal is such a great way to organise and prioritise so I’m starting another one today and hope to keep up with it. I definitely want to be more organised and dedicate more time to Other Important Things this year (see point 2).
Also — the past year we have started to use an online management tool (Trello) with Babyccino. It’s been a little challenging to get the hang of it, but now I’m a total convert and even use it for some of my personal organisation. For example, I keep gift ideas per family member in there (with photos and links), To Do lists for the house, the address and phone lists of the children’s classmates, etc. Because I can access everything from my phone I can always easily reach this information. I can also share my lists with Tamar (and assign tasks to him!), which comes in super handy. I plan to use Trello more this year and understand more of its functionalities.
2. Dedicate more time to Other Important Things.
This is a yearly returning personal goal for me. I want and need to spend more time sewing, knitting, cooking, crafting, drawing, painting, designing, writing… Creative things! Both on my own and also with friends, and of course with the children. Making and creating is just something I enjoy so much and which gives me so much energy, and I haven’t spent enough time doing it the past years.
I also want and need to spend more time on personal care and relaxation, like spending 20 minutes a day on yoga, taking time to take a bath, read a book, have a manicure, pedicure, wax, a facial or a massage even?!!? The kind of things which I never allow myself to spend time or money on, but which will make me feel better about myself and thus will make me a better and more enjoyable wife, mother and friend.
Regularly enjoy culture and travel. In short — getting out of the house more for something else other than work, errands or children. I want to visit the theaters more, enjoy concerts, see shows and expositions, museums, plan weekends and vacations away ahead of time. I love being at home and being cosy, but I get so much positive and creative energy from seeing what’s out there too! Again, this is about prioritising my/our time, and of course, dedicating money towards it as well.
3. Be better about budgeting.
OK, this is definitely my weakest point, because I just don’t like thinking about money much, but I do feel it would be good to create an overview of household expenses and see where we can save and economise. I feel that money is just flying out of our hands, and I want to have more of an understanding of our spendings and savings (as far as we even do save!), and be more sensible about it all. I’m going to make an effort to get on top of this and learn more about budgeting.
4. Learn something new regularly.
Apparently, research suggests that learning something new regularly may be an excellent way to overcome feelings of stress. There’s a lot of talk about the need to rest and meditate to reduce stress, but if the situation itself doesn’t change, one can feel frustrated and, again, stressful immediately after the time of rest. Learning something new apparently gives positive energy and can help dealing with stressful situations and environments. I’m going to remind myself that it’s important to keep learning and developing myself!
What do you think of my list? They’re pretty big ideas! But I’m going to make an effort to implement these aims and goals and we’ll see how I get along. BTW, I would love to hear if you have any ideas or links to great articles, good books, useful short online workshops, great places to visit, fun projects to undertake, etc etc. I’m interested in all sorts of different fields so I would love to hear about everything you feel is remotely interesting and inspiring. Also, I would love to hear about your personal goals and resolutions. Do you have any?
Cheers to 2018 and to making it magic!
xxx Esther
PS I only have 8 weeks to go before our baby is due to arrive, so I’d better get my act together soon :)!
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teadocs · 2 months
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only took her two years to warm up to Paige!
wonder if that heart on Esther's calendar means anything 🤔
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