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thebibliomancer · 1 year

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #286: The FIX Is On!

December, 1987

ASSAULT ON AN ANDROID!

That android is going to press charges! Andy knows She-Hul- oh I see she’s about to wallop him.

Also, Namor is in the little cast box. And on the cover. I guess he really is rejoining the team. I get the feeling he was just away from the team long enough for the Masters of Evil to start shit.

Anyway.

I have friends that love Andy the Awesome Android. I hope they enjoy this issue, vicariously.

The story starts in a random Manhattan scientific research lab. I assume Manhattan just has random scientific research labs considering Spider-Man is always thwarting people who are trying to rob random scientific research labs.

This random scientific research lab has been hired, I guess, to study the equipment of the Fixer, seized when he got arrested after that whole Avengers Mansion debacle.

But when Todd Martin, random scientific researcher, picks up the Fixer’s helmet, it shoots a mind control beam at him. He picks up the Fixer’s laser gun, shoots the other scientists, and then puts on the Fixer’s outfit and flies through the skylight.

Chilling stuff. The Fixer is truly a cruel, callous dick.

He’s gonna be a Thunderbolt one day.

The sad mind controlling of Todd Martin, random scientific researcher, may have been the opening scene. But the splash page goes to

DR DRUID

Who is here spying on his teammates for some reason.

“Doctor Anthony Druid appears in repose, yet his astral image is awake and alert as he prepares to send it forth for the purpose of observation. Those he would observe are also members of Earth’s mightiest fighting team. While their physical movements are easily monitored on the screens around him, it is their innermost thoughts and desires that concern Doctor Druid. These things he can only learn through astral eavesdropping. None will know they are being observed... and none -- save Anthony Druid -- will know why they are being watched... for now.”

You’re a creep, Doctor Anthony Druid.

One of the effects of Dr Druid’s creeping is that his creepy melon hovers over Namor’s shoulder as he has a tantrum about that lawsuit he’s involved with.

Remember that lawsuit? For property damage? That he insisted go to court ASAP and then bailed on preparations to go do ocean stuff?

Yeah, that didn’t go away.

Namor’s wife Marrina assures him that she’s going to face this legal battle with him but Namor just rages that he has to do legal battles when once he sat on a throne under the sea and made prince decisions.

Marrina asks him what kind of supportive wife he wants her to be then and he just sulks off into the sea.

This marriage is going great, so far.

I’d thought Namor had calmed down a little recently. Buuuuut, I guess nooooot?

Namor’s attorney Mr. Costello begs Marrina to go talk to Namor because dammit he needs to sign various things!

So Marrina goes under the sea where Namor probably feels like life is better down where its wetter. The once and future Prince of Abslantis is brooding amongst the kelp when Marrina finds him.

Explicitly brooding.

Marrina: “Oh, Namor, don’t brood so. We have such a life ahead of us -- so much fulfillment and love to come.”

Namor: “But this, my wife, this could delay our wedded bliss for some time. If I should goback. But that is an affair of the surface. Here, beneath the waves with you in my arms -- all things seem possible.”

Marrina: “Of course they do, Namor.”

Aww, maybe these two crazy kids can make it work.

I mean, Namor isn’t married in current comics. In current comics, he’s crashing on the Avengers’ couch after being kicked out of Abslantis and he’s only technically not under arrest by them for all the war crimes because they need him to punch the devil.

So clearly Namor’s life takes a turn at some point.

Meanwhile, Black Knight on Hydrobase. Examining all the equipment they took from Avengers Mansion. Bemoaning that he struck out with Janet van Dyne the Wasp by never making a move.

Meanwhile, Dr Druid’s giant creeper head lurks over Dane’s shoulder reading Dane’s thoughts like they’re Dane’s diary.

What a rude floating invisible head.

Meanwhile, also on Hydrobase, Captain Marvel Monica Rambeau supervises the construction of new Avengers facilities on Hydrobase.

Huh. I don’t remember if they ever said for sure they were relocating permanently to Hydrobase after Avengers Mansion got basically demolished. But its definitely happening.

She-Hulk does the construction foreman a startle by walking up carrying an I-beam by herself. With She-Hulk on scene, Captain Marvel puts her in charge so she can run errands.

Ha, way to throw shade at the Distinguished Competition.

Apropos of Monica flying off I guess, She-Hulk starts thinking about how creepy Captain Marvel’s powers are. Just turning into energy and all.

Vision used to get a lot of people randomly commenting he was creepy but hmmmmm.

I wonderrrrrrr.

I don’t mean to be coy. I wonder if Dr Druid has any relation to this. I might be paranoid but his noggin is wandering around peering into people’s brains during this exact time.

Anyway.

Monica’s errand that she had to do was nyooming into FBI agent Derek Freeman in Washington DC and asking him if he knows anything about where Captain America is.

Apparently, a couple of FBI agents got caught by the Avengers Mansion security system snooping around looking for Cap. And only a few days after that Cap(tain America) called Monica Marvel and told her that the government kept nagging him to come work directly for them. And not long after that he took an indefinite leave of absence.

So something is going on.

But what could it be? Well, Captain America Meets the Asthma Monster came out this same month.

Mystery solved.

(Another possible answer: the federal government issued an ultimatum that Captain America become an official entity of the US Government and I believe told him they owned the rights to his name, costume, and shield. So he told them to take the job and shove it and turned over his name, costume, and shield. This is when John Walker becomes Captain America and Steve Rogers becomes The Captain.)

FBI agent Derek Freeman tells Captain Marvel that the Avengers don’t have official security clearance anymore -- what with the Vision taking over the Pentagon’s computers -- but because he likes Monica, he’ll go ahead and do a little digging for her.

But what he finds is that whatever is going on is way over his security clearance and tied up in red tape.

Captain Monica is annoyed that she can’t find out anything about Cap(tain America) but FBI agent Derek Freeman is like eh Cap’s an adult. And tells her what she SHOULD be worried about is how the Fixer’s gear was stolen from where it was being studied.

Speak of the devil, in a maximum security prison in upstate New York, the Fixer is brought before the warden to be grilled about the equipment walking away.

Then Fixered Todd Martin OH YEAHs through the wall, shoots the guards, grabs the Fixer, and flies out.

Random scientific researcher Todd Martin comes to in the secret lair of the Fixer. He demands to know what’s going on but since the Fixer doesn’t need him anymore, he shoots him in the face.

That’s cold.

After leaving Todd Martin, random deceased scientific researcher, on the ground, the Fixer muses over his next grand plan. Even though he’s just thinking to himself, he’s very vague about it. He does pull up a big computer monitor map of the US with various points marked with Things He Needs.

Fixer: “So satisfying to see one’s grand design taking shape -- the itch of great ambition about to be scratched. And soon I will have more tools to complete my plans. Many more tools. One, in fact, is very close at hand.”

Dun dun dun!

Back at Hydrobase, the priority alert goes off, drawing She-Hulk, Black Knight, Namor and Marrina from the various things they were up to... to find that Dr Druid is the one who set off the alarm and is waiting in the Quinjet for them.

He even insists that they take off now, without waiting for team leader Captain Marvel.

Although she can easily catch up. But still.

As everyone is getting into the Quinjet, Marrina insists that she come along. Namor goes ‘no, there might be danger on this superhero mission we’re presumably going to’ and Marrina reminds him that she’s a superhero too. She was with Alpha Flight!

Namor agrees that she can come with but tells her that she’s got to stay on the sidelines until she’s made an Avenger too.

Ahhh so Namor is doing the Hawkeye thing of bringing his love interest in and insisting that she be made an Avenger. Well, Marrina seems cool so I’m game.

Captain Marvel does show up, nyooming into the cockpit through the glass.

Captain Marvel: “Now why have you mobilized the team?”

Dr Druid: “Well, I assumed -- quite naturally -- that you would want us mobilized as soon as possible, since something has come up.”

Captain Marvel doesn’t like this. (Neither do I). She especially doesn’t like how he alerted the rest of the team before he sent her an alert. So they’d already be in route before she even heard about it, maybe?

Even if he’s on the up and up as the newest member of the team, he really shouldn’t be taking unilateral action like this.

Anyway, now that Monica has arrived, Dr Druid tells everyone why he Avengers assembled.

An urgent call came over the direct line from Bobby Hutchinson, a boy in Ohio who Captain America tasked with keeping an eye on an android in a barn.

A weirdo in a costume drove up in a truck and went into the barn earlier and Cap(tain America) DID say to call if anything weird happened.

Oh, and then the barn explodes and Captain Marvel has to shove Bobby Hutchinson to safety.

Where the barn was, now the Fixer and the Awesome Android stand.

Fixer: “I have ‘fixed’ your programming, my Awesome Android. You no longer serve the Thinker -- henceforth, you are my ally!”

Captain Marvel nyooms onto the scene and shoves the Fixer with (what is apparently) a concussive blast of energized particles. Which flings him away from the barn and bonks him unconscious against a tree.

Since Monica does her homework, she’s familiar with the Awesome Android and its superpower mimicry abilities. So she doesn’t want to use her powers unless she wants the Android to start using them.

Instead, she tries to talk the Android down. Hey, why not? The Android didn’t really react aggressively when she bonked the Fixer out of the scene. He doesn’t have any standing orders.

Maybe the Avengers won’t even have to fight him!

-checks how many pages are left- Oh.

Neat thing though. We see from the Android’s POV as it scans Captain Marvel and he has pixel vision.

Oh, and the Fixer’s battle harness seemingly shoots a gas bomb by itself.

The gas surprises Monica so she can’t turn to energy before she takes a big ol’ breath of gas and passes out.

For whatever reason - hostility or curiosity - the Awesome Android picks up Captain Marvel.

The rest of the non-lightspeed Avengers in the Quinjet catch up about now and seeing the Awesome Android holding Captain Marvel, Namor immediately assumes its punching time and BWUNT!s the Android right in the vaguely face-ish part of his anatomy.

I mean, Namor calls him a faceless one and the narration claims he doesn’t have any lips or eyes. But he just looks like he’s constantly squinting and grimacing.

Anyway. The Awesome Android copied Captain Marvel’s powers just by picking her up. In exchange for the BWUNT!, he BWAAASH!s Namor out of the air with a concussive blast of energized particles.

Namor goes down.

Prompting She-Hulk, because she’s-Hulk, to muse about how hot Namor is and how she’d “swim in his wake” if he were only not married.

Anyway, she dodges the Awesome Android’s concussive blasts to close in and start punching.

Hard to say whether she’s making headway or not but she sure punches him a lot.

Maybe she was winning the exchange? But she gets distracted by a truck taking off and Awesome Android BLAPP!s her in the head.

Marrina finds Namor where he got blasted to. He’s conscious but recovering from the blast. Marrina even notes that his skin is still hot from the blast. She decides that now that he can’t get up and stop her is when she’s going to prove to Namor that she can handle herself.

She chose her time well to prevent arguments, at least.

Anyway, with the team getting its ass kicked and Captain Marvel unconscious, Dr Druid takes command. Which obviously he should be doing as the least senior person here, of course.

He tells Black Knight to rescue Captain Marvel while he, Dr Druid, distracts the Android.

Black Knight uses his cut-anything sword and hey what do you know, it cuts pretty deeply into Awesome Android’s arm. He drops Captain Marvel, Black Knight catches her.

Black Knight: “Whew! I wonder where dead weight is on the electromagnetic spectrum?”

Awesome Andydroid opens his mouth and just blows at 200 mph. Apparently this is an innate android power he has and not mimicked or absorbed. He was just designed to go BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAH and make things whhoooosshh

Anyway.

About a mile away from all this, Marrina catches up to the escaping truck and jumps on it.

She’s totally going to prove that she’s not a “helpless female” which of course is why she immediately gets captured, falling through a trapdoor in the roof of the truck.

Great, comic. Just great.

Anyway again

The Avengers recover after being blown away by the Awesome Android’s ability. But good news is that Captain Marvel is back up! And so is Namor!

Bad news is that Black Knight is thinking some pretty disgruntled thoughts about Monica’s leadership.

Black Knight: The Wasp would never have let us all go traipsing into battle without a plan. But our new chairwoman did -- and we’re on our butts for it! Come on, Captain Marvel. What’s our plan?

Instead of continuing to attack the Avengers, Awesome Android shambles over to the unconscious Fixer but Captain Monica has Namor whisk the supervillain out of his reach.

So now that they’ve done that, now Awesome Android is getting aggressive.

She-Hulk steps back up to the plate since she wants to repay the cheap shot he got on her.

Dr Druid pipes up in her head to suggest she hit Awesome Android in the right armpit because he’s “mentally located a strange nerve ganglia.”

That same nerve in the armpit is how the Fantastic Four beat the Awesome Android the first time so good mental locating, I guess, Dr Druid.

She-Hulk pops the Awesome Android in the pit and down he goes. Simple as that.

She(-Hulk) even has the spare time to ogle Namor some more as he’s helping lift the deactivated Awesome Android off of her.

Dr Druid lifts Captain Marvel to her feet despite her insistence that she can get up on her own, suggesting that it’d be bad for moral for the team to see Monica not on her feet.

Monica is suspicious of his motives but it’s She-Hulk who comes to her sort of rescue.

She gives Dr Druid a kiss on the dome for his help in defeating the Android and he indignantly scolds her.

Dr Druid: “These sort of emotional displays will not be tolerated, She-Hulk! This is a fighting team -- not a lonely hearts club! We should behave as warriors, not high school children!”

She-Hulk: “Anyone ever tell you you’re cute when you’re mad?”

Monica manages not to smirk in the background.

Despite the rocky way things went, Captain Marvel is pretty satisfied with how the team is gelling. She knows she’s got a long way to go before she can fulfill the chairwoman role as she should but she’s sure she’s on her way.

And then Black Knight points out that the Fixer they caught isn’t the Fixer.

Its... TODD MARTIN?!

Huh. I guess Fixer didn’t kill him. Used him as a surrogate again. Todd Martin has no idea what’s going on or how he got here. Or where the Fixer is, obviously.

And Namor just remembered that Marrina ran off on her own and hasn’t returned.

I wonder if those two things are connected.

Dangit, Marrina. Stop saying stuff about proving yourself or that you’re actually competent. It just sets you up for irony.

Anyway, yeah, the truck leaving the scene of a giant robot fight that also had a secret trapdoor in its roof was in fact the Fixer.

He sent in a decoy but was on scene until he wasn’t.

Fixer: “In the past, I contented myself with petty dreams and schemes -- never saw the big picture! But all that has changed! I’ve learned from my mistakes -- I’ve fixed my own shortcomings! And soon everything will be fixed! EVERYTHING... including the AVENGERS!”

So the good news is that he’s been bad at killing people so far so Marrina is definitely still alive. This ain’t her time to die!

The bad news is that next week, it’s time for more West Coast Avengers. We’ll have to wait to see what happens with Marrina.

The weird news is that robots have nerve ganglia apparently.

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#avengers #essential avengers #the Fixer #Awesome Android #Captain Marvel #Monica Rambeau #Black Knight #Dr Druid #for some reason #Marrina #namor mckenzie #She Hulk #I wonder if Marrina will take Namor's name and be Marrina McKenzie #Marrina Smallwood McKenzie?#random scientific researcher Todd Martin #I hope he's a recurring #essential marvel liveblogging

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