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stardiveatnight · 2 years

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an unnecessarily long rant about dylan and ryan not ending up together

okay so i absolutely utterly love this game, and i know that in the end, it's just a silly little horror game and there is a lot more i could criticize about it, but i've been thinking about this for a little while now so here we go.

the more time passes, the less everything around dylan and ryan's romance in the quarry makes sense. like, they make sense, sure, but then the whole laura x ryan thing? ryan merely acknowledging that he is closer to dylan than to kaitlyn but then dismissing it all by claiming he isn't sure if he'd want to date either of them? nothing about potential romantic feelings, and then there being no ending where they end up together?

like, out of all the couples at the camp, they had the best chemistry. i love abi, but dear god did i not buy her and nick, especially not after he got infected. at first i genuinely thought she was going to end up with emma, so idk what that says about abi and nick. and jacob and emma... he is overly possessive and can't take no for an answer, and she deliberately leads him on and then treats him like shit for no reason. like, no, i don't want them to end up together, sorry.

as far as i know, there isn't an ending where either of the others end up together, too, but with emma and jacob we know jacob still loves her and there is a moment where emma can potentially admit that she still has feelings for him but thinks that they're not meant to be together. alright, but at least you can get some kind of resolution for them.

and abi and nick... i think i'm just not that upset about these two because as i said, i just didn't really buy their chemistry? and then nick turned out to be kind of an asshole so i'm just glad it didn't end up working out between them, i guess.

in the beginning the writers set up this sorta love triangle between kaitlyn, ryan and dylan which goes nowhere. like we all know that if ryan kisses kaitlyn in truth or dare the little text shows up that says dylan is disappointed (and he certainly looks like it), but when ryan kisses dylan, it says nothing about kaitlyn and dylan just sits there all smiley and flustered. and everyone's happy for them, too, whereas when ryan kisses kaitlyn, no one reacts. even kaitlyn herself looks uncomfortable which i guess could just her being nervous, but still. and for the rest of the game, her crush on ryan isn't brought up again once, there isn't even a way for kaitlyn and ryan to end up together, and the whole love triangle literally stops being a thing right after the campfire. what i'm trying to say is, the writers obviously never intended for kaitlyn and ryan to be a thing, they hardly interact alone at all, so why did they even include it? it's all about dylan and ryan, like, the entire time (until laura shows up but i'll talk about that in a bit), it's so obvious that they wanted an ending where dylan and ryan end up together and that their relationship is canon, so why drag kaitlyn into all of this only for her crush on ryan to disappear, like, immediately?

at first i thought it was to add some drama, but then laura shows up and i think we all agree that there was absolutely no romantic tension between her and ryan and i'm still wondering if all the characters were high when they pointed out ryan's crush on laura like wtf r u talking about

and i mean, i haven't tried to play it any differently, but laura and max are happy together, right? like, their only problem is that max didn't tell her about the rejection letter, but for her to know that she must have gone through his stuff which is also not cool. so, they might have some issues, but i didn't really get the feeling that they were on the verge of breaking up or something.

so, when the writers tried to make this laura x ryan thing happen because boy and girl alone? they must be in love, it really feels like they chickened out of making a gay couple endgame, like, last minute. and that's why the whole kaitlyn love triangle thing frustrates me bc it kind of feels like the same thing.

the only reason i made ryan be somewhat nice to laura (and vice versa) was because i heard that this was the only way to get him to admit to her that he was closer to dylan than to kaitlyn. but it also felt extremely out of character considering the situation they're in, like, it's obvious ryan doesn't trust laura at all, he literally only goes with her because she wants to kill chris who is like a father figure to him and he wants to stop her. also, he saw her kill kaylee, she is getting frustrated with him because he doesn't really buy anything she tells them in the pool house, they literally do not get along. hell, she has more chemistry with dylan in that scene than with ryan?? they don't even have an enemies to lovers type of vibe; to me, it was more like a i-really-don't-like-you-and-i-don't-trust-you-but-i'm-kind-of-forced-to-because-these-people-want-to-kill-us-frenemies type of relationship.

i literally, and i mean this lightheartedly, felt like the game was trying to gaslight me into believing there was some unresolved sexual or romantic tension between laura and ryan like hello? you've known each other for ten minutes what are you even saying? laura you're on a mission trying to save your boyfriend what is going on??

and then they still don't end up together, like ryan x laura never happens, like it was nothing but a weird fever dream, so why tf did the writers include this? it wasn't even to build up some weird jealous tension between ryan and dylan because they never end up together. why not??

it's like the game tried so hard to convince us that ryan and dylan are definitely in love, they're crushing so hard and ryan is a little oblivious and dylan is a little insecure but yes the feelings are mutual!! only to then rub it under our noses that ryan could also like kaitlyn, though, and he totally fancies laura, too, so maybe he doesn't like dylan after all! it was all just an illusion he never had a crush on him!!

i know that dylan and ryan's kiss was the first same sex kiss in supermassive game's history, though they're not the first openly queer characters. so, i guess out of fear that homophobes are going to boycott the game, especially considering ryan is somewhat of a protagonist, they chickened out of canonically acknowledging ryan and dylan (yet giving all sorts of hints that they are supposed to be endgame), they added kaitlyn's crush on ryan to give players the choice between kissing her or dylan, and that's also why the whole laura x ryan thing happened, just to be able to say see, ryan didn't like dylan after all! and just for us to be left all confused because what the fuck is happening.

i also wouldn't be upset about the kaitlyn thing if they at least went somewhere with it, but like this it just feels so halfhearted. in the end, ryan is bisexual, so it wouldn't be impossible for him to like kaitlyn.

i think in the end i'm just a little upset that they gave us the illusion of choice when it came to the romantic relationships only to then take it all away from us halfway through the game and shit all over it by pretending ryan suddenly has a crush on laura and we didn't even get a say in it. and yes, i'm also a little sad to see that emma and jacob or abi and nick don't end up together no matter what because it would have been interesting to see, but as i said, both of these couples just didn't have as interesting of a chemistry as dylan and ryan had (in my opinion, i know i keep shitting on abixnick and jacobxemma, i still liked them okay!!). and i also understand that the game would have gotten so much more complicated if they had added all sorts of relationship outcomes to it. i just think it's a little disrespectful to your own story to just let the strongest (or second strongest idk, depends on your preferences, i also really enjoyed laura and max), relationship in your game fizzle out like it was nothing or pretend that it was utterly one sided and all just an illusion just because you're too scared to make a same sex couple end game.

(i just hope the developers see the overwhelming response to dylan and ryan and will take that to heart. also abigail and emma please they were so gay in that golf cart pls)

#i know this was harsh but i had to say it #i'm just so upset they didn't get a conclusion #like at all #they are too precious for that #dylan did not introduce ryan to dylan dylan just for them to not end up together #this game is gonna make me lose my mind #dylan lenivy #ryan erzahler #laura kearney #kaitlyn ka #the quarry #radioheads #dylan x ryan #ryan x dylan #rylan

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dangerliesbeforeyou · 5 years

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HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol)

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre...

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable..

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol!

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...)

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho...

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?!

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue!

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

#HIStory series #HIStory1 #HIStory2 #HIStory3 #(not gonna tag them all individually cos we'll be here for years lol)#review #rant #(not really)#gay series #taiwanese series #lgbt series #lgbtq #HIStory #i've not read it through lol... might make no sense... dont read this lol

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polyesthher · 7 years

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7/8/17: buy paramore’s after laughter

lol this is mostly me being emo tbh but support paramore ok

i’ve been itching to buy several things lately and idk if i really want them or it’s my depressive state that wants to feed the void with material possessions. i wanted to get a record player bc im definitely buying paramore’s after laughter on vinyl bc aesthetic and the actual record means a lot to me. since i listened to after laughter, i’ve become hooked on paramore tbh and all i want to do is lay around with hayley’s vocals singing into my ears and maybe cry a little. i only started getting into them during their self-titled phase so i’m not remotely attached to the “old” punk version of them. Fake happy is what really sold me on this album btw. It’s everything i want to say to people i’m no longer really close with. It does make me think about how i never want to see certain friend groups again because i’m just embarrassed about my whole existence and feel ok wit it. the line in fake happy that goes “please don’t ask me how I’ve been, don’t make me play pretend” is something that really gets to me. I have nothing in my life right now, other than family and one or two friends, that i genuinely care about and i feel like im at a dead end tbh. having to tell acquaintances/ old friends abt my sad ass life makes me want to scream and i feel like i hate myself even harder. and i always find myself telling half-truths, pretending like im not a failure. Hard times is another relevant jam that’s on repeat. It was the first song i heard off the album and made me check out the whole ep. even if it didn’t feel relevant to me, i’d still bop to it. the overall idea of the album to have cheery synth vibes with depressing ass lyrics gives me life. anyway, i’m not gonna ramble on about this anymore since no one’s gonna read this and i already know my own feelings abt this.

but yeah, i also want the told u so t-shirt and cd bundle so im gonna wait for the vinyls to be released bc that pink marble record is calling out to me. and a tattoo, which i have a general vision of but im scared of the $$$. + i’m thinking abt moving to ny sometime next year too even tho im not going to FIT bc nj has nothing for me and i need to start living on my own, which means i need to save up. there’s also the last class that i need to take so that i can at least have an associate’s degree, which will def be a couple hundred. there’s also some skincare stuff i want like the eradikate spot solution and the boscia black luminizing mask (best in terms of peeling).

other meaningless tidbits in my mind:

ive been hating my art style even more lately but i still feel compelled to draw

bought a couple books to read even tho my commitment issues extends to reading as well

book related: i read motor crush vol 1 and i like it. babs is always great with the art and the writing is more exciting imo compared to the batgirl comics. snotgirl returned with issue 6 and the art is always pretty even if the plot is still a lil murky and unsatisfying. the plot of vol 1 was kinda messy and i disliked how it ended bc i dont even know if the arc was resolved or still continuing.i like bryan lee omalley’s writing so the writing isn’t something im not used to, i just feel like there’s so many mysteries building up and nothing that really resolves. there are some threads that were resolved in issue 6 (such as what happened in the bathroom with caroline) but another thread shows up in that resolution that has me going ??? Anyways i’ll still buy anything leslie hung does the art for so lmao my gripes aren’t dealbreakers

i went back to watch oitnb even with how pissed the ending of season 4 left me and i did not hate season 5...that much

kesha’s new song makes me so happy

watched baby driver today and i luv it. makes me want to watch more edgar wright and listen to the soundtrack

i bought 5 bags of flamin hot ruffles bc im paranoid that it’ll be discontinued like the buffalo wing ruffles, which is the definition of overkill

i’ve been looking into gym memberships bc i want to start working out and lose weight seriously now. this is hilarious bc my diet is shit rn (see above). but im sick of not fitting into my old clothes and some new cute stuff i bought online (that i thought would fit). also i really want to lose the baby fat on my face bc seeing my potato face in the mirror really kills the confidence i have left

another thing that’s nagging me is the idea that i want to buy some things just bc those things would add into the image of a person i want to appear to be. it sounds weird but i feel like i want this costume of a person who’s cool for having hipster shit like a record player or colorful sunglasses. it doesn’t help that ppl on instagram make me insecure asf and want the things they have.

ive been trying to stop stalking certain ppl on instagram bc its v pathetic and tends to exacerbate my anxiety and spiral into a depressive hole. its not even like celebrities or anything, just ppl i used to know, which is extra creepy and sad.

this was mildly enjoyable and i think i might write more diary entries on here from now on. it’ll probably be under the polyesthher talks tag, if i remember bc im the worst with tags.

bye

#polyesthher talks #warning: garbage grammar

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a-rush-of-dreams-to-the-head · 7 years

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part 5

Will POV

Will is sitting down to eat breakfast with Guy. He's got the usual of toast and juice, not feeling confident venturing into the local delicacies this morning, and Guy is making do with a large black coffee. They hadn't really talked much, as Guy seemed to be engrossed in reading some book on mechanical stuff, but as Jonny shakily slipped into the seat next to Guy the two look at each other worriedly. Jonny is staring into the distance and alternates between shuddering and a horrified expression.

"Jon, are you OK?" Will starts.

"Yep. Sure. Great... I'm great." Jonny doesn't look great. There's no colour in his cheeks but green and Will can see this heighten as he glances at the food on the table. Will is about to say something else when Jonny makes a low sound of disgust and folds his arms across the table, resting his face on top staring directly downward the "eugghhh" sounds emaninating almost like sobbing. Guy tries to lighten the mood.

"So, did you fix your guitar yet?" The noises get louder and higher pitched. Guy just rolls his eyes, chugs the remainder of his coffee and stalks off to his room. Will is awkwardly patting Jonny on the back from across the table.

"Why don't you go and see where Y/N is at, that'll cheer you up." Jonny's red-flushed face springs up instantly.

"I'd rather not thanks!" With this it instantly descends back onto his arms. Will frowns, not quite knowing what to do.

"Look Jon, just tell me what's bothering you so much." His voice hardens. "Is it Chris?" Jonny says something but all Will hears is a mumble through arms and table. "Try that again?"

"I said, yes - if you must know." Wills eyes narrow.

"Has he done something to Y/N?" A ruby blush forms on Jonny's cheeks and the guitarists face contorts in almost pain.

"I guess you could say that." Wills heart drops, it better not be what it sounds like.

"Does... Did Chris book Y/N her own room?" Jonny hesitates and then shakes his head.

"It...um... Didn't look like it" Will looks entirely unimpressed, bordering on angry and Jonny gives up holding back and lets it all spill out. "OhgodWillitwassohorrible... I mean he's my best friend and I DID NOT NEED TO...Eugh it just feels so wrong and Y/N

..." His head half slams against the table as he whines into it. "I never needed to see that, I've seen enough of that girl... Oh god it feels illegal and I ... I" Will calmly let's Jonny finish his outburst and as he sags, deflated, into his chair let's his expression rest into that of cold calm calculation. Jonny clocks it. "Are..um.. are you OK Will?" Will doesn't respond, simply places down the piece of toast he was eating and takes a deep breath inward, nostrils flaring. Jonny looks more and more concerned the more seconds pass without Will moving. Suddenly the reason for Will’s emotional state dawns on him and he swallows, hard. Will is silently cursing himself for trusting his front man and supposed friend. He has to work hard to suppress all the emotions that come to mind when he considers him... Doing that. Will wants you protected, Will wants you safe, Will does not want Chris' hands all over you. That man needs to be forced to control himself if he can't manage it himself, he thinks darkly and his expression turns slightly sinister, whatever it takes.

"Right before we finish up, has anyone got anything else to add?" Just as Will asks Chris stumbles through the door, a red slap mark visible on his cheek. He falls into one of the empty chairs and Will stares daggers at him across the table. Jonny rolls his eyes and gets up to leave.

"Aren't we meant to be doing the set list?" Chris asks. Will scoffs and also leaves his chair.

"Yeah, two hours ago. I don't have time to wait, Guy can fill you in." With that and a tell tale nostril flare, the drummer leaves the room - with Jonny hot on his heels. Guy looks with curiosity at Chris' injury.

"Who'd you piss off this time?" Chris winces at the memory.

"Well I thought one of the girls from catering was into me." He grimaces. "She was not into me." Guy laughs at this, raising his eyebrows at his friend.

"Dude I swear you have no game." Chris' eyes glint dangerously.

" 'S not what that girl from the party would say. What was her name again... Monica? Was it Monica? Something like that." Guy's smile has been wiped entirely off his face at the memory of Chris swooping in on a girl he'd had a crush on for months and collecting a token one night stand to add to his collection. He tried to not let Chris see how much the comment affected him and attempts a jibe back.

"She was pissed and a slag Chris, not exactly an achievement. Just accept it, girls don't just fall at your feet anymore. You've lost it." Chris squares his jaw challengingly.

"Pick me out any sober, normal girl you like and I'll prove you wrong Berryman." Guy smirks back.

"I think I'll take you up on that"

"Left hand side, about 15 people along - the one by herself with the eyes"

Chris had half a plan. He'd make sure to pay special attention to the girl during the concert, then he'd either try and catch her as she left, or try and get her backstage somehow - he hadn't quite decided. Guy had been as difficult as possible in choosing a girl pretty far into the show so he'd have to work fast. He moved quickly toward the left-hand side of the stage, trying to look casual. His eyes contacted hers as he sang and moments later he saw her collapse directly onto the ground. Oh.

Give me one, cause one is best

In confusion, confidence

Give me strength, reserve control

Give me heart and give me soul.

~~An extract from Politik by Coldplay

You had known fully well that by not taking clothes into the bathroom you'd have to walk across half your hotel room in only a towel, and yet you did it anyway. You tried to ignore the way Chris' eyes darkened as you slid from behind the door and instead focused on making it to your suitcase. As you went to bend down to open it you felt a very warm, very male, body behind you. Chris wraps his arms around you from behind and hums happily into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. You try to restrain yourself and catch a glance of the clock, reading 9:57.

"Um Chris?" You squeak and he hums again in response. "Don't you have a band meeting at 10?" You feel his arms tense slightly before relaxing once again.

"I can think of things I'd rather do." His words so close to your ear are almost unbearable but you don't want him to fall out with his friends and have to fight your urges.

"They'll be pissed.” You remind him and he doesn't respond. "Chris, I promise I'll make it up to you." You lean your head back to rest on his chest. "Later." You see the deliberation in his eyes and as you look up at him he heavily brings his mouth down on yours for a quick, hard kiss.

"mmm…You better." With that he gently releases you and begins to pull on clothes.

*****

You take so long dressing you miss breakfast, which disappoints you greatly. Chris and the band have already taken off to prepare the stage for tonight and as Chris promised to send a car for you this evening you find yourself with not much to do to fill your time. You try and write something in the diary you've been failing to keep for years but can't really think of anything good - and you keep getting interrupted by texts from Chris.

SEXY: don't think I'll forget about ur promise darling xx

YOU: wouldn't dream of it :-p xx

SEXY: this sound check is so boring xx

SEXY: will is driving me up the wall xx

YOU: play nice and u might get rewarded ;-) xx

SEXY: what u do to me is worrying xxx

YOU: good, I hope? xx

SEXY: you don't know the half of it xx

SEXY: play nice and you might find out xxx

You sigh. If you didn't change the subject soon you'd lose all control you had left.

YOU: is Jonny OK? xx

SEXY: won't talk about it to me xD xx

SEXY: will is v. pissy tho, idk y xx

YOU: b extra nice. xx

SEXY: I'll tryyy xx

Will was so kind and lovely to you, you couldn't understand why he and Chris had so many altercations. You'd never seen any in the flesh, but Chris always seemed to be moaning about Will doing something or another - though mostly just in passing. He didn't really talk about his friends much in the present tense, at least not to you. He told you old tour stories and tales from his university days, but nothing recent. Nothing even slightly recent. You guessed that maybe they'd all got a bit more responsible on this tour, and so hadn't done much worth telling and so hadn't really been bothered by it. You did find it sometimes hit you that Chris was 29, compared to your 19. He sometimes made references for things before you were born and you worried that he would easily bore of you and your immature ways. To you he seems so sophisticated and organised, he knows what he wants to do in his life and is right in the middle of doing it. He knows all about fine wine, fancy dining, can speak multiple languages - he's just so grown up. The last boy who had been interested in you tried to win your favour with a game of beer pong, so this was certainly a step up. You hold Chris in the highest esteem, he is measured, controlled, kind and yet so fun and spontaneous at the same time. He is just as perfect as you always thought he would be and it is like a dream to be with him.

SEXY: do you have the dress on you? Xx

Shit. Totally forgot about that.

YOU: how bad would it be for me to say no? xx

SEXY: a problem easily solved babe xx

SEXY: a lady can't wear the same dress twice anyway xx

Oh god, what was he going to do.

YOU: I got some stuff to wear dw xx

SEXY: leave it with me xx

YOU: Chris I can dress myself :-P xx

SEXY: ur job is to put the clothes on xx

SEXY: I endeavour to undo ur hard work xx

SEXY: so I may as well provide the clothes ;-) xx

Well you can’t say no to that.

You leave Chris' hotel room and catch a glance at yourself in the mirror as you do. The fuchsia silk, box pleat dress barely grazes your knees and your white ankle strap heels give you an extra inch of height you're not used to. You had been slightly worried when the concierge had arrived with the fancy "Nanushka" box - a store you had seen the outside out from your taxi ride and resolved that you'd never have enough money to enter - but the dress was beautiful and you had text Chris to try and thank him. Sure, he hadn't replied yet, but the car would be here soon so you had to get a move on. You had discovered the pockets seen into the sides of your dress, and so slipped your still silent phone inside as you let the door lock shut behind you. Your hair is gently flowing in a sheet behind you, with two small plaits emerging by your temples and meeting at the back of your head to hold it back. You had managed to remember your makeup when you packed, so your eyelids are dusted with white and silver and your lips darkened slightly. You have never been amazing at full makeup transformations, but you liked what you could do and you feel as if you've done a good job. You seem to fit in among the regular clientele of the hotel as you make your way towards where Chris had told you the car would wait. As you step outside you take the sunglasses from your hand and slip them over your eyes. It's not that late yet, and the Hungarian sun is still viscous. Luckily for you, your car seems to have just pulled up at the valet entrance. You had made Chris describe the exact male and model, so you didn't accidentally get into someone else’s, and you are 99% sure this matches up. The driver hurries out.

"Madám YL/N?" He questions hesitantly,

To avoid the language barrier you nod, and he opens the back door - looking quickly and resolutely at the floor. You brush it off as some sort of cultural difference and settle in the soft leather of the back seats. You check your phone again. Nothing. Not even a single text. You try to hold down the disappointment. Ever since you and Chris had been talking you were convinced it was a joke and the doubts still longer slightly in your mind. You can't comprehend why he would ever want you. He could have pretty much anyone he wanted, and yet here you were in a car paid for by him, going to his concert, in a dress he bought you. Thinking about that again makes you frown. Although the concierge had tried to hide it you had caught a glance at the bill in the bottom of the bag. Doing the math in your head the 126 thousand Hungarian Forint was over three thousand pounds. Three thousand pounds! That didn't even count the heels, or the concierge fee. Part of you was desperately excited at Chris' habit of eccentric spending on you, but most of you felt mildly uncomfortable. There's no way you could do anything like that for him, you've barely seen three thousand pounds let alone spent it on a gift. You are simply petrified he's going to get bored of you; you have a perfect, kind, loving boyfriend and you feel like any second you could lose him.

The car pulls up to a side entrance to a huge stadium. Your door is opened and you slip out, thanking the driver. Two men are standing in front of the door. One looks up and you recognise him to be Matt. He looks taken aback for a second and the man next to him is alerted to your presence, growing as he looks you up and down. His eyes linger slightly before elbows him hard before smiling rather unnervingly at you.

"Hey, nice to see you again." His eyes are fixed onto your own and you attempt a smile back. He notices your tension and hurries to move his Hungarian co-worker out of the way to open the door. "I got stuck on ID today, so lucky for you I can let you in." The smile is back and it's really starting to worry you. You open your mouth to thank him but you are interrupted. "Oh! I've been told to direct you to Chris' dressing room. You're a bit early so you might have to wait for a bit, I have no idea where he's at." You nod and he seems too eager to personally show you the way. You are left, sat on a chair in a pretty small, yet we lit dressing room, awaiting Chris.

As you sit, your mind wanders. Your hands toy absentmindedly with the neckline of you dress, wishing it was an inch or two higher. It's not that you don't like it. Not at all. You just aren't really used to wearing such... Out there... Clothing. Greys and pastels were your usually colours of choice and the reddish pink that currently encapsulates you is a step out of your comfort zone. Not that you've been anywhere near your comfort zone for weeks. You still felt partially like you were in a dream that was going to end any second now, and your whole body is shaking with nerves. The texts you have been getting from Chris today have been extremely... Well... Suggestive doesn't really cover it. You are torn between thinking it's his idea of a funny joke and taking him seriously. Either way it's made the reality of the entire situation much more doubtful to you. The romantic side of your mind tries to convince you that it all makes sense, he was drawn to you in that crowd and somehow had decided he likes you enough to keep you around, but you just can't fully make it all click in your head. You get tired of sitting and stand to inspect a rather abstract painting hanging on the far wall of the room.

You are midway through deciphering one of the splodges when you hear the door open. A quick check over your shoulder confirms it's Chris. His expression changes to one of smug desire so quickly that you don't really register the sour scowl present before. His smile gave you butterflies and you suddenly remember how nervous you are and try to hide the shaking that threatens to overtake you. Chris doesn't seem to notice and steps into the room, firmly clicking the door shut behind him.

"Hey there beautiful." Your eyes are drawn to his lips as he speaks and you attempt a reply, feeling as faint as the day you met.

"Hey there yourself" You smile gently, eyes widening the closer he gets to you. "How was sound check in the end?'

"Boring, as usual with added bonus boring." He replies as if his eyes aren't admiring the handiwork of his fashion sense. You laugh softly and his eyes rise to meet yours again. You are still stunned by just how blue they are in person. You'd seen Chris' eyes in many a situation and you are enthralled with how different they can look. Sometimes you see stormy seas, sometimes soft, calm ponds, but today you see mesmerising whirlpools. You just can't look away and don't even hear as he asks you a question. Eventually he notices your predicament and slowly moves closer to you, a smirk growing on his face. He brings one finger up to softly poke you between the eyes.

"You know I never found out if you set me as your screensaver again on your new phone." A quick blush from you answers that question and the dark smirk grows further. You blush further at being caught lost in his eyes, but Chris seems to find this endearing and laughs at you. He gently places his arms around your hips. "You know I really missed you today." You blink in surprise. He leans down to whisper in your ear. "Really missed you." You pull back to check for truthfulness in his face, but he seems genuine. A hesitant smile blossoms back at him.

"I missed you too." You say and his eyes dilate at your words before roaming your outfit again for a while, while your heart rate increases by the second.

"Did I mention how good that dress looks on you?" His voice is low and gives away a portion of the desire he feels. His face moves tantalising close to yours, studying your features intently before continuing. "I vote we see if it looks even better off." The enthusiastic nod seems to be automatic, you made up your mind a while ago. You are, however, taken aback by the directness of his offer, but bring your hands into Chris' hair as he begins to kiss you. Your mind feels frozen but your body is driving itself, reacting perfectly in time with the man trying to manoeuvre you toward a wall. Once he manages this, he takes his time in making his way across your face and neck until he gets inpatient and begins to wrestle with the zip on your back. By this point you are entirely beyond rational thought and hook your hands under his shirt in return. When your cold hands reach his skin he growls and practically throws you onto the corner sofa.

***

Checking the time hadn't been Chris' first priority. You are biting gently on his lips, sat on his stomach with your hands in his hair. The next thing you know he has let out a shout and has slipped out from under you, manically throwing on clothes from a rail that you had previously knocked over. He doesn't say a word, just leaves with your lipstick still covering him and his hair directly giving away his previous activities.

"Chris!" You shout after him as the door slams behind him, the feeling of the lazy kisses from just moments before a ghost on your lips. You look around the dressing room, your clothes are scattered across the floor along with his. You're alone.

You sigh as you get up and make yourself decent again. You note that the zip is slightly torn thanks to Chris's rough treatment in his impatience. Despite how truly amazing the last fifteen minutes of your life was you feel somewhat used and dejected. What if you weren't good? What if you were bad? You don’t want to leave the room and watch the show, instead your mind takes you into a spiral of worry for hours until the door clicks open and Chris walks in looking guilty... and sweaty.

"Y/N I'm so sorry!!" He rushes over but stops short of where you're sitting, as if he doesn't know how to handle this. You get up to aid the poor man. The look on his face dispels any doubts you hold for now.

"It's okay, Chris." You smile, putting your arms around him and looking up. "It wasn't your fault." You murmur quietly as he brings his mouth down onto yours as if picking up where he left off. He pushes you back against the wall and you nibble his lip like you were before he left. You barely hear the footsteps getting closer. His hands move from your shoulders to your back, from your back to your waist and from your waist they move downwards agonisingly slowly, sending your delirious mind into a frenzy, your hands gripping his golden curls just a little tighter by the second. Footsteps draw closer and you're dangerously close to being undressed again when a knock on the door stops Chris in his tracks.

"Chris c'mon we've gotta go!" Guy's voice sounds from behind the wall, "Will's gettin' pissy enough as it is!"

"I'll be right out." Chris calls back and you hear the footsteps begin to fade.

"You know, I haven't seen Guy since I got back." You smile and move towards the door, figuring you should probably thank him for the bass lessons - even if you are terrible.

"Where're you going?" Chris's eyes widen in panic and he quickly moved in front of you to block the door.

"To say hi?" You shrug as if it's obvious.

"You can't right now." He demands childishly.

"Why?"

Realising his mistake his face changes to the lustful smirk he had on before. "Because I want you all to myself." He purrs, moving towards you and positioning his hands hands low on your hips. You roll your eyes and kiss him quickly and deeply before pushing him gently away.

"Chris we need to be more careful." You murmur, not really wanting to stop what you're doing but knowing that if Guy had walked in it would've caused all sorts of mess for everyone.

"I know, baby we will. Let's get back to the hotel, yeah?"

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