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sortasirius · 4 years

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what makes you think the writers want deancas? not trying to be an asshole, i'm just genuinely curious as to why you think that. i know berens' episodes are pretty heavy with subtext so i can see why you'd say that he wants it, but i'm not so sure about the rest of the writers/dabb. it seems like meghan isn't a huge fan either, given her "they twisted it so fast" tweet :/ of course she's a very new writer (think she's only writing one ep this season?) but still

OKAY this is a great question, welcome to my dissertation.

I’m going to address the end of your question first. Meghan is actually DeanCas positive, she has been for quite a long time. She actually, a few years back, posted a picture of her reading a literal book about Destiel and captioned it “writing reading” or something like that.

This whole thing just comes out of a boiling over of tensions because of how nasty fandom twitter can be. Like I said here, I think this has just gotten blown out of proportion, they shouldn’t have posted all this randomly disparaging stuff, but also like...can you blame them? The fandom is a lot, we always have been, and they’re probably also under a gag order not to talk about the finale, and are annoyed that people keep asking.

So nah, Meg is not anti Destiel.

To the first part!! So let’s take a look at the show runners since Cas has been around.

Seasons 4 and 5: Kripke

Seasons 6 and 7: Gamble

Seasons 8-11ish: Carver

Seasons 11ish-15: Dabb

So starting with Kripke. Okay, yes, I will be the first to admit that we have some pretty incredible Destiel moments in these seasons, but it’s less directly written into the plot and much more from Misha and Jensen’s uhhhh ~chemistry~. The only times it was directly written into the script was when the episode was handled by someone like Edlund (“On The Head Of A Pin,” “The End,” “My Bloody Valentine”). And you have to remember, if in season 5, there are moments here and there where you’re like huh that’s suspiciously romantic dialogue, remember that Cas took Anna’s place. Anna was supposed to be endgame for Dean, but due to a myriad of issues and Misha’s general greatness, Anna was replaced with Cas.

Onto 6 and 7. Hmmm. Gamble. 6 and 7 are my two least favorite seasons and that’s no secret, and that’s not only due to the plain old weird shit in the overall storyline, but also that homegirl killed off Cas in s7 and then Bobby like four episodes later. (Also it ALWAYS rubbed me the wrong way they couldn’t have Baby in that season lol). We still had some great DeanCas moments, but again, it wasn’t really written into the overall arc (until they had to change the end of season 7 because of tanking ratings and bring Misha back lol, anyone remember the fact that Dean kept Cas’ jacket and would randomly dream of him? Yeah.). But we still had those moments, those distinctly romantic moments, probably the best example in these two seasons is from Edlund again, specifically “The Man Who Would be King,” I wrote a little about that here.

We move onto Carver, who gave us, at this point, the most overt DeanCas season with season 8 (season gr8 is a better name imo), and this is the first time Dean and Cas’ relationship is directly written as an arc of the season. I mean, you have everything in Purgatory, Dean “seeing” Cas everywhere, the fact that he felt so guilty that Cas stayed in Purgatory that he manipulated his own memories to think that he was the one that failed Cas, because he couldn’t comprehend that Cas would want to leave him, and let’s not forget Dean snapping Cas out of Naomi’s hold on him in “Goodbye Stranger.” It was a very obvious shift, not enough to alert the general audience, but more than enough for most of us in fandom.

It’s also important to note that this is when Andrew stopped co writing with Loflin and started writing his own episodes (”Hunter Heroici” anyone?) I like Loflin fine, but Dabb was able to stretch his legs a little bit more once he stopped co-writing, and we also began to see some DeanCas themes in his solo episodes.

In any case, them and their issues being a big part of the seasons continued with Carver, and Berens entered the scene, his first episode (”Heaven Can’t Wait”) is one of my favorites, with human Cas and the fanfiction gap and Dean and Cas just generally being awkward and funny and sweet. This is Bobo’s FIRST episode, remember that. He comes right out of the gate with it.

Also in Season 9, this is when Dean takes the Mark of Cain, and the Cas/Colette mirror is born, so obviously, Dean and Cas are the fabric of the season once again. This is also the season where Metatron says Cas is “in love with humanity,” and then immediately refers to Dean as Humanity so uhhhh yeah.

Onto season 10, Dabb and Berens continue with their greatness (I could write pages on the DeanCas date in “The Things We Left Behind” alone). And then we have one of the best scenes in the entire show in “The Prisoner” where the Cas/Colette mirror continues and Dean, driven by grief and pain and rage and the Mark, still doesn’t kill Cas. He still can’t kill Cas.

Season 11 is important because it takes choice away from both Cas and Dean, and shows us, as the audience, how much losing each other takes out of them. We saw in season 10 how much losing Dean takes from Cas, but what about Cas losing Dean? Dean loses his choice with his connection to Amara this season, and loses even more when Lucifer reveals he’s been possessing Cas, and plays on Dean’s connection to Cas like a mockery. It’s also worth noting that, similarly to season 8, Dean breaks out of the connection with Amara when he’s worried about Cas, and that’s something that even SHE is surprised by.

But then season 12, the beginning to the Renaissance. This is when we get the writer’s that become important for what Dean and Cas are today, and, truly, why I believe they want canon Destiel as much as we do.

This is the first season with Dabb’s writers: Davy Perez, Meredith Glynn, Steve Yockey, and of course Bobo all come in with their incredible talents and gave us episode after episode of good content. “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” is probably my favorite, probably the best example of what I’m saying. An episode where Dean is called out by an enemy directly, told to “roll the dice” on Cas’ life. And Dean won’t, it’s not even really a hesitation. And this comes from a character that has known Dean for ten seconds. I also wrote more in depth about this episode here. There are also some.....distinctly domestic details we get this season, specifically in “The Future” (written by Berens and Glynn) with the mixtape. The most tropey of tropes mixtape. Yeah, I’ll just leave that one here.

And then season 12 ends with Cas’ death, but also with the parallel between Sam and Dean with Jess and Cas. Sam literally has to drag Dean away from Cas, just like Dean had to drag Sam out of his burning apartment in the pilot. The episode drives it home in every way that it can: Dean is the one left kneeling by Cas’ body, while Sam goes to find out what is upstairs. Dean is the one who stares at the sky, finally broken. This isn’t a random thing, this is Dean’s whole arc, it’s the entirety of the beginning of 13. Dean’s pain, his anguish, his anger.

Season 13 starts with them burning Cas, with Dean, who has begged God to bring him back, who has split his knuckles punching a door, standing, staring at Cas’ pyre with brokenness on his face.

I mean.....

Anyway, season 13 is where it gets interesting (well, I think all of this is interesting but I’m a writer nerd so). So Cas comes back from the Empty in “Advanced Thanatology” written by Steve Yockey, and then a wombo combo of “Tombstone” by Davy Perez next (”Brokebacknatural” as the PR said at the time). Listen. This is the part that SPN crossed a line that they couldn’t come back from. With Cas being Dean’s “big win,” the fact that Dean and Cas watch movies together, “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.” Talked about it here.

This is where, in my opinion, the network stepped in, but the damage was already done. They had already established that Cas was Dean’s big win, that Dean’s poor coping was not due to Mary’s disappearance, but solely due to Cas, and that Dean and Cas have more married energy than anyone else. The network had nixed blatant canon at this point, and they writing room had been pushing the boundaries of what the network would allow.

After these episodes, we see a marked drop off of DeanCas heavy scenes. They’re still there, still a part of the fabric of the season, but not as...obvious as it had been in early season 13.

And this continued through season 14, we’re back to scraps of Destiel scenes here and there, but to me it always felt like there was something bubbling under the surface, something distinctly unsaid in the themes of the season, even after the walk back of obvious “Dean and Cas are in love” scenes.

And then we get to season 15, which, y’all know I talk about all the time. What’s important here is that Bobo and Glynn are both executive producers, calling more of the shots than ever before. Additionally, it’s important to note that, though they only co write occasionally, Glynn and Berens refer to each other as “work husband” and “work wife.” Each episode has just turned up the volume, and, not for the first time, but certainly the most obvious, Dean and Cas ARE the season. Sure, they’re trying to beat God, they’re trying to finally find peace, defeat the final big bad, but really? This season has been about Dean, and Dean’s relationship to Cas.

And not only do we have obvious and clear Destiel in nearly every episode, but we have episodes like “Last Call” which canonize bi!Dean (wrote about that here).

And, maybe most importantly so far, we have “The Rupture,” the breakup, and “The Trap,” Dean’s confession (both written by Berens). And here’s the thing. These episodes feel connected, but also feel like they’re missing something. Beren’s last episode is 15x18, “The Truth.” We’ve all spec’ed about what could happen in this episode, and I think *I* know what it’s leading to. But for it to be leading to that, it means that the network has to have approved what we’ve all been waiting for years for.

Who got this change to happen? Who got the network to change their minds? It wasn’t us. It was them. I am fully convinced that Dabb and Berens quite literally put their careers on the line for Dean and Cas. They believe in them, they’ve shown that from the beginning, but the only thing standing in the way was the network, never allowing them to take the final step.

So, to answer your question: I think the writers want canon DeanCas because they’ve already shown us that they do. Take a look at their episodes, at Dabb’s, at Beren’s, at Glynn’s, at Perez’s, at Yockey’s. They’ve been telling us what’s going on with Dean and Cas for years.

Sure, I’m not in their heads, I guess I don’t know for *sure* that this has been their thought process, but if we put it all together, from the marked shift when Dabb fully took over in s12, to the change right after “Tombstone,” to the new shift, the blatantly romantic shift in season 15, what else is there?

I’ve said for a long time that we, the SPN fandom, are beyond lucky to have the writer’s that we do. They’re all going to go on to have prolific careers and we were lucky to get them at the end of our little show. I give them a lot of credit for what we have in the show today.

Just remember, they’ve been telling us in all of s15 who Chuck is. He says he’s the writer, right? But a writer who doesn’t have control of his characters? A writer who wants to do the same ending over and over because it “works”? That doesn’t sound like a writer, it sounds like a network exec.

They’ve been showing us what they want for years, and the way s15 is going? I think they may have convinced the network to let us have it.

#supernatural #destiel #spn #my writing #anyway yeah i love these writers #welcome to my essay lmao #spn writers #anonymous #lilly answers

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punkpoemprose · 3 years

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December 15th- A Convenient Arrangement Part 7

Universe: Canonverse Arranged Marriage AU Rating:T Length: 4309 Words A/N: Anna gets to let it all out. This is the Anna and Elsa conflict that I wish they could have included in the movies, because as wonderful and kind and forgiving as Anna is, everyone has a breaking point. I thought this was going to be 10 chapters. It’s looking closer to 13-15 I think, but we’ll see how much I can squeeze in going forward. I have 4 days to write 10 more fics, and I work two of them... and I have a zine yo put together...we’ll see how this goes!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

She’d woken in his arms when sunlight flooded through the cabin’s front windows, warming her face and informing her that it was time rise once again. She’d kept her eyes closed despite it, pretending that she was still asleep. She just wanted to listen to his breathing and the beating of his heart for a little longer. She just wanted to be close and know that his holding her so tight was purposeful because she knew that he was awake and was trying to not wake her.

I’m not a good person.

The thought was not self-deprecating so much as it was chiding as she laid in bed with him for another half hour at least, feeling the rise and fall of his chest beneath her and trying not to flush when his hands would move across her back or tuck away a stray hair. It felt strange, but wonderful to be cared for.

She knew that she shouldn’t have pretended to be asleep, but she could never remember waking up and feeling quite so safe as she did in his arms. Moments of tenderness like that was not something she was used to and so she’d allowed herself to indulge in it, and he hadn’t commented even though she suspected that he knew after a short time that she was awake.

They’d had a light breakfast, and he’d helped her redress herself in the soft morning light. She thought that she may remember the deft way he’d adjusted her corset lacing for the rest of her life. He’d asked her if she’d needed help, and while she didn’t really, she’d consented because it was easier with help, and because she was curious about whether he could manage it with only her spoken instructions. She’d felt warm when he’d expertly tugged and tied, explaining sheepishly that he was used to ropework and that he hoped he hadn’t hurt her.

She knew now, after their night alone, that he’d never hurt her. At least not on purpose.

He’d never hurt her the way Hans had.

The quiet morning had continued on the wagon ride back to Arendelle. They hadn’t spoken of anything of consequence since the night before, occasionally breaking the silence with a comment about their surroundings or the weather, but otherwise enjoying the easy silence that no longer felt uncomfortable between them. They would have plenty of time to talk, but they both had seemed to enjoy the lack of questions and heavy conversations for a while.

The calm had ended after they reentered the castle gates, at least for her. She wasn’t certain about how things went for him because they’d been separated too quickly for her tastes.

He’d gone to care for Sven, not entrusting the sweet reindeer with a groom was something that Anna understood now. Sven was as much his family as the trolls were, as she hoped she was. Kristoff felt a duty to care for the creature himself.

Anna, however, had been quickly corralled into her sister’s office, where the day quickly became anything but quiet.

“What were you thinking?” Elsa said, her voice high and the anxiety not at all hidden.

Anna thought that the temperature in the room was maybe ten degrees lower than it was in the hallway just outside the closed door. Her chest felt tight at the realization, and her headache from the night before, when her memories had been returned to her seemed to resurge slightly, a dull hum of discomfort behind her eyes. She clenched her jaw and tried to focus on something else, the wall, the window, anything but her angry sister.

“I left you a note,” she said after a moment’s thought, “I was thinking I was spending some time with my husband.”

Elsa wasn’t calmed by this though. She shook her head and scoffed, giving Anna a look of annoyance, or maybe disappointment that burned through her, like she was being given a forcible internal frost burn from the coolness, even as she tried to look away from it.

“Did you not learn anything from Hans?”

Her hands balled into fists at her side. It wasn’t a question. It was an attack. This wasn’t a meeting, it was an interrogation.

And Anna wasn’t going to back down from it.

“Have you learned anything about what happens when you try to control my life?”

It was a snipe, but she wasn’t about to let Elsa judge her, Queen or not, for trying to get to know the husband that she had forced her into marrying. Elsa had all the power in deciding how they were to handle the fallout after everything with Hans, and instead of trying to find another way to calm the populace, she’d consented to a royal wedding. She’d asked Anna if she was comfortable with it as an afterthought, after the wheels were already in motion, and while she’d seemingly felt bad about the whole thing, it still wasn’t lost on Anna that her sister had once told her that she couldn’t marry someone she just met, and then all but forced her to do the very same.

“Or do you get to blindly pass judgement because you have a crown now?”

Anna saw the ice forming on the windowpanes behind her sister’s desk. The summer scene of gardens and green grass behind her suddenly covered with thick ice marring the sightline. Anna had been looking out to the stables out of the corner of her eye, taking comfort in knowing that Kristoff wasn’t far off. It probably wasn’t a good sign that she felt more comfortable with him than her own sister already. Really though, despite being a stranger, he was giving her a chance to know him. Elsa hadn’t afforded her the same chance, making her all the more the stranger.

“This isn’t about me,” Elsa hissed, “This is about your reckless behavior. You should have taken a guard with you. He could have…”

He could have killed you.

She might have entertained the thought before the trip. In fact, she had, but as reckless as it may have seemed to others to trust him, she knew that she had nothing to fear from him. He’d never meant her harm of any kind, not from the very start.

He wasn’t a man of manners or class or breeding. He was a simple ice harvester, and he’d helped her stand strong at their wedding, he’d not forced himself on her on their wedding night, he’d given her so much of himself, and he’d been nothing but gentle with her.

It wasn’t a long play. It was a kindness. It was something like love.

She thinks he could have killed me.

It was laughable, but she wasn’t laughing. She was raging inside, her heart pounding, and her head aching from the tension in her jaw.

“You could have!” Anna shouted in return, “And I should thank you by the way for your restraint, given that I just recently found out that you apparently almost killed me once before too. Why didn’t you tell me before Elsa? Was it just one more thing you didn’t think I could handle?”

Elsa’s brow furrowed, the fire was still in her eyes, but it was mixed with confusion.

“I take it a troll visited you last night to let you know where I was. Well, I had a lovely time with them, and apparently, I knew about you and the ice and everything until I was five and mother and father had them take the memories from me. I understand why, but what I don’t understand is why you never told me. You knew Elsa, and you never told me about it, or about what you could do. The person who put me in the most danger here is you!”

The room continued to cool, the ice on the windows grew thicker and Anna could see from the angry set of her sister’s jaw that she had struck a nerve.

“So yes, I took a chance to leave and spend some time with my husband. Last I checked I’m not a prisoner, and neither is Kristoff so we decided to leave, you know, enjoy life outside of these walls for a little bit given I haven’t been outside them in thirteen years. Maybe if you were that concerned about him I don’t know, potentially wanting to kill me, you wouldn’t have let the council force a wedding.”

“That’s enough!”

Anna saw the flakes in the air. She knew her sister was at her breaking point, but she couldn’t help but keep pushing. Elsa had gone straight for her most vulnerable point as soon as she’d entered her office, and Anna wasn’t going to take it without dishing it back out.

“Is it?”

She stomped across the wooden floor that was quickly accumulating ice and snow from her sister’s inability to hold on, getting into her face. It was probably a bad idea, but she couldn’t help it. She’d rather get it all out now than keep holding it in. She wasn’t going to spend the next thirteen years of her life knocking on her sister’s door begging for her attention, she was going to take it whether Elsa liked it or not.

“Because I don’t think it is. I don’t think this is enough, because I’ve got news for you. You’re talking to me like I’m a child, and I’m not. I know because I spent every day of my childhood watching days and months and years pass alone, wanting nothing more than someone to spend the time with. I might have made a mistake, but right now the score isn’t anywhere near even Elsa, and I’m not going to take this from you. Kristoff isn’t Hans and if you compare them one more time so help me…”

It happened in a flash, the room went from icy cold, snowy, crusted with ice, to bright white, and then, back to normal.

Elsa fell apart, crumbling as she started crying, in front of Anna.

I’m a horrible sister.

No. This was necessary.

It hurts to hurt someone you love.

She shouldn’t have pushed so hard, was her first thought. Then, shortly after, as she lowered herself to the floor and wrapped her arms around her crying sister, the ice Queen of Arendelle that she’d reduced to tears, she realized that it needed to happen. Even if it hurt them both, she needed to let it out. If she hadn’t it would have eaten her alive.

“It’s okay,” she said, letting her sister cry into her shoulder for the second time in as many weeks.

“I’m not angry anymore, I just needed to get it out,” she said, holding her tight as Elsa started to shake in her arms, hyperventilating as she cried.

“I’ve been so mad for so long, and it took getting my memories back to figure out why… Elsa I know that it wasn’t your choice when we were kids, but I’ve been alone almost my whole life and Kristoff…”

“I’m so sorry.”

It was a wet, nervous sound when she spoke, filling the space as Anna searched for the words to describe exactly how she felt about her husband. It surprised Anna to hear her sister apologize, assuming that she’d want her to leave as soon as she found a voice to tell her to get out. It was what she’d come to expect of Elsa, even when she was being contrite, that she never wanted Anna to stay with her for very long.

“I knew you were lonely. I knew you needed me, but I was too afraid of myself to let you in. If I’d just talked to you more… if we’d just left the castle, maybe you would have never…”

“I know,” she said, stopping her before she could bring up the situation with Hans, “Just… I need you to start trusting me. You haven’t even talked to me since the wedding. You’ve never even had a conversation with Kristoff. You can’t just assume the worst of him.”

She was doing the best she could to keep her voice low, soft, and reassuring. Despite the frustration she had and still felt toward the crying woman in her arms, she also loved her sister dearly. She was all the family she had.

Except now you have Kristoff too.

She wished that her sister could have seen the way he’d held her when she was fighting through her headache, or the way that he took her hand and gave her signals and avenues to express her discomfort or fear. She wished that she could see the way he sometimes looked at her like she was something precious. Maybe then she’d have been less worried. Maybe then she’d understand.

“I didn’t want to,” Elsa sniffled, “At least I didn’t mean to think that about him right away. But I didn’t know when you were coming back and there were no guards with you, and then there was a troll in my office. Anna I didn’t know what to think.”

It took her almost a full minute to get the whole thing out, the sniffling and choked up tone of her voice making it difficult for her to speak and be understood.

“Think that I learned my lesson and that I’m safe with my husband. I wouldn’t have left alone with him if I didn’t trust him. It’s not like before, I’m not blind.”

“But he’s a stranger.”

“Not to me. We’ve been together for a short time, but he’s no stranger to me. He’s a…”

He’s a man I’m falling in love with.

“He’s becoming a dear friend. I think you’d like him Elsa. He’s got a good heart.”

***

When Kristoff had finished removing Sven’s tack, he’d brushed the reindeer. The he’d fed him, sat with him for a short time, and mostly waited for Anna to return. After what felt like an hour, he forced himself up from the hay bale he’d seated himself on and left Sven’s quiet company for the castle. He’d hoped that Anna would have returned after speaking to her sister, but he supposed that even though she’d told him they didn’t have any duties as a couple for the week, she might very well be too busy to spend time with him now that they were back at the castle.

He’d done his best to keep his head high despite feeling foolish walking through the halls. He’d pretended that he wasn’t lost and snuck Anna’s map from his pocket surreptitiously, running his fingers over it to find his way back to his room.

On his way he’d even managed to ask a maid if she would be able to have a lunch sent up to his room. It felt like something that he shouldn’t have asked, feeling no more royal or entitled as he had before leaving, but also wanting not to return to the kitchens himself. There had been something about being in the space that had made him feel even more like he hadn’t belonged.

Maybe it was because you were beneath even the potato peeler last week

He was in his room now, changing his shirt into one of the clean ones he’d grabbed from his cabin, along with most of the rest of his belongings that fit into one small bag. He heard the knock, and shouted that it was open, knowing it was probably his lunch, but hoping that it was Anna.

“Sir, my apologies, but I believe I encouraged you to get to know Anna better this week,” Kai said as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him, “Not kidnap her to the mountains leaving nothing but a note behind. The Queen was in hysterics… which I should inform you, you do have dinner with her tonight.”

“Dinner with the Queen?”

“As arranged with your wife I believe. She’ll also be in attendance I believe.”

He cursed under his breath, catching a both amused and disapproving look from Kai as he did so. He thought that the heavyset old butler might get along well with his father. He often made the same face.

“I should inform you that you shouldn’t curse in response when invited to dinner with a Queen, but I suppose you already know that. I’ve been in the service of the young Queen for many years, and I believe she trusts me, so I hope it is not a breach of that trust when I say that last I saw her she was not particularly pleased with you.”

“Of course not,” he said, feeling underdressed in the comfortable shirt.

Feeling underdressed next to the butler probably isn’t a good sign for me.

“Don’t mistake me sir,” he added, “I think that it has everything to do with her worries for her sister. If you assuage those I think that she would be perfectly happy to meet your acquaintance.”

Kristoff huffed. He did feel bad for taking Anna away from the castle. He knew that his Uncle had spoken with the Queen, but if he’d thought a bit more about the way he and Anna had gone away beforehand, he probably would have been able to avoid this whole situation. He didn’t want people to have to worry about Anna when he was with her. Least of all her sister.

Her sister who could have me executed if she wants.

“How would I manage that?”

Kai set a tray he’d been carrying atop a table in the middle of the room. Kristoff couldn’t help but think that the man might be doing more for him than he was strictly tasked with insofar as his level of interest in his getting into the Queen’s good graces. He told himself that it was probably because he wanted to see Anna happy and safe given the many years he spent looking after the sisters.

He was happy to have someone to help him regardless. He didn’t think he would be capable of navigating the rules and manners required to not blunder through the rest of his life in the castle without it.

“Well to start,” he replied, “We’ll need to find you something proper to wear to dinner. You have a tailors appointment tomorrow morning, but we’ll have to make do until we sort that out.”

Kristoff couldn’t help but feel like he should be insulted, or at least a bit peeved over the man’s words, but he couldn’t manage it. All he could think of was holding Anna while she was pretending to be asleep that morning and doing anything to see her smile. Doing anything to make her sister believe that he’d meant no harm in taking her to the mountains so that he’d not be under scrutiny every time he spent time alone with his wife.

***

Anna had taken it upon herself to arrange the whole thing. She felt a little bad about the amount of time that it was taking to set her schedule for the week and speak with the kitchen staff about what she wanted for the dinner she was arranging in hopes that her sister would be comforted by meeting her husband in a more significant way than watching their wedding. At least she hoped that the meeting would allow the two to come to some sort of understanding.

I only have two people. If they could just get along that would be ideal.

With all the running she’d been doing she hadn’t had a chance to return to Kristoff. She’d heard that Kai had brought lunch to his room, and after that she assumed that they were busy. Kai was her sister’s most trusted advisor, even though his official position was castle steward, Elsa trusted him with aiding her in crucial decisions beyond its walls. That Kristoff had his council just went to show that there was hope, and that at least someone else was invested in making things work.

She spent the rest of the afternoon deciding what to wear and receiving and writing thank you letters for wedding gifts that had been pouring in from merchants and allied nations. Most of whom had already been in town for Elsa’s coronation and who had not had the time to select a well thought out gift after the rush of events the small country had experienced.

She’d waited until just shortly before the dinner was to start to walk through the halls and to the dining room, finding neither Kristoff nor her sister on the way.

“My apologies your majesty. I hope you understand I’ve never needed to inform anyone of my travel plans in the past, and it was not my intentions to worry anyone by taking Princess Anna into the mountains with me. In the future should we decide to go anywhere together I’ll ensure that you are informed directly.”

Anna recognized the voice of the man standing in the hall outside the dining room. The man addressing the queen, but so neatly dressed she barely recognized him as her husband. He looked much like he had on their wedding day. Clean shaven with his hair slicked back. The clothes he wore were simple, but they’d been pressed and someone had taken the time to tie a cravat around his neck.

Kai no doubt.

That man has been wearing cravats for years, in style or not.

They hadn’t noticed her coming down the hall, or at least she didn’t think that they had given that neither made any sign of noticing her approach.

“You must understand,” Elsa said back, seeming in much better shape than she had been hours earlier, “With everything that happened with Hans I worry about her. I’m sure you’re a good man, but you can’t fault me for being cautious.”

He gave her a strange look and Anna’s heart started to pound. She hadn’t spoken with him about Hans. Being in the mountains for the whole debacle, she’d suspected he hadn’t known all the details, and for now she wanted it kept that way. Her feet felt frozen below her though, as Kristoff responded in confusion.

“I’m not really sure I know the details,” he said quietly, “I’m sure if I did I would have thought twice about taking her away from the castle alone. No one has told me much of it, even if it was the reason for our wedding.”

Elsa shook her head, looking anxious, but then recovered.

She took a deep breath and Anna wanted to run down the hall, to speak up, to tell her that it was something that she and Kristoff would discuss later, when she was ready.

“Hans…He tried to kill us both.”

***

He noticed her after her sister spoke. She looked white as a ghost at the end of the hall, and he understood why. Her sister hadn’t exactly been vague when it came to telling him why she’d been worried about him taking her into the mountains.

Hans. The foreign prince. He’d tried to kill his wife and her sister.

He’d thought that maybe the real reason for the wedding had just been that Elsa had lost control of her powers and that to build confidence in her ability to rule a royal wedding was planned to comfort the masses. He supposed now that it was just part of it, that the real reason was more complex, and that it all came down to the man that Anna had known before him.

He wasn’t sure of how to react. All he knew was that Anna’s eyes were on him and that she looked upset. Crossing the hall to her was instinct, as was giving her his hand, offering it to her open and outstretched.

She walked forward instead, into his chest, and into his arms as he wrapped them around her. She had every right to be upset, as did her sister he supposed as he felt even greater regret for taking Anna away without warning. So he did what he thought was best, what Anna was showing him was best. He held her close.

Elsa cleared her throat after a moment.

“I think…”

Kristoff turned his head, not releasing Anna to look at her sister. She was staring at them, her cheeks flushed and an almost smile on her lips.

I think she might understand now.

“I think dinner is ready. I’ll just go ahead… Anna… Kristoff, whenever you’re ready. I think we have a lot to discuss.”

When the dining room door closed behind her, leaving them alone in the hall, he turned his full attention back to Anna, holding her tight, leaning his head down low, and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“It’s alright,” he said, because that was all he could think to say. “It’s all going to be alright.”

“Who made you wear a cravat?” she asked, quiet with her face against his chest.

“Kai.”

She made a soft sound, almost like a laugh but not quite.

“I thought maybe. Can I take it off for you? You look uncomfortable.”

He nodded, and she stepped back a bit out of his arms, giving him room to duck down for her.

Her small fingers slid along the collar of his shirt, loosening the knots of the offending cloth and then, unexpectedly, running her fingers through his hair, mussing it a bit before pulling the cravat away and allowing him to stand back up again at his full height.

“There,” she whispered, taking his hand with the cloth between their palms, “You look like you again.”

The color had returned to her face and he smiled at her. She liked him as he was, and that was a comfort.

Now to convince her sister.

#kristannaadvent2020 #A Convenient Arrangement #kristanna #Arranged Marriage AU #Frozen Fanfiction

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draconicmatriarch · 7 years

Text

Trauma and Healing in Berserk

“A man draws his sword in order to protect the small wound deep in his heart, it was inflicted in the days long past at the farthest reach of his memories, a man wields his sword in order to depart life with a smile...”

On first appearance, Guts, the protagonist of Kentaro Miura's Berserk, appears to be the perfect anti-hero: dark, scarred, stoic, brooding, and swings impossibly huge swords. However, beyond his action hero exterior is a character deeply damaged by the trauma inflicted upon him which includes neglect, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. His childhood abuse has shaped him into an anti-social mercenary with no purpose in life and a death wish. He shows many classic symptoms of PTSD such as avoidance of intimacy, touch aversion, and hyper focus on fighting. Even in his attempts to heal through companionship and love, his mind is permanently affected by the abuse he suffered.

According to Bessel van der Kolk and Alexander C. McFarlane, every person experiences trauma. While some adapt and move on, others become fixated on it, and it affects everything about their life to the degree that “traumatic experiences can alter people's psychological, biological and social equilibrium...” (488). This psychiatric disorder is known as post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). What makes an event traumatic for a victim is “how threatened and helpless they feel” (490). If a parent inflicted the trauma on their child, the child will blame themselves and have difficulty processing that their caretaker could inflict such pain. After the traumatic experience, symptoms may manifest behaviors like becoming “preoccupied with the event” (489) which is normal, but may develop into maladaptive behaviors like becoming avoidant and “organizing their lives around the trauma” (489). Reliving memories of trauma is just as painful to one with PTSD as the original event. This reliving can occur in nightmares, flashbacks, or reenactments and can result in panic or rage. In response, people will build up defenses to prevent to protect their psyche, but everyone does it in different ways. Some will even go back to environments similar to the original traumatic event. An important example in the case of Berserk is that “combat soldiers may become mercenaries” (493). When analyzing Guts, it is apparent that his traumatic childhood has resulted in his development of PTSD which he displays in the symptoms described by van der Kolk and McFarlane.

When Guts was a child, he wanted what most child crave: to have his father's approval and love. Instead his adoptive father, Gambino, treated Guts like property and a burden. While practicing sword fighting, child Guts was forced to use a sword meant for adults. This sword he would wield is where he seeks comfort and what he vents his emotions through. He would go on to use longer and heavier swords as he grows up, a representation of his growing traumatic burdens. In a rage, Gambino inflicts the most noticeable physical scar on Guts, one on the bridge of his nose. Like Guts' emotional scars, this will always be a part of him no matter how old he gets. This leads to Guts getting a fever and clinging to his sword for comfort. This will be his coping mechanism against his trauma. A few years later, and still a child, Guts is thrust onto the battlefield and performs his first kill. This gets validation from Gambino which encourages Guts to keep winning on the battlefield. However, this validation is still not love. After Guts kills a general, he is desperate to get praise from Gambino. Instead of acknowledging Guts, he instead lavishes attention on his dog. It is not true affection, as Gambino later kicks the dog away; he did it purposefully just to hurt Guts. Guts' jealousy of the dog would culminate later in his life. As Gambino described Guts “...You followed me around like some lonely puppy” (Chapter 10). His id, his inner voice to kill and maim the one he loves, takes the form of a black dog. It is the projected manifestation of all his traumas. He is the beaten dog who craves his master's love; he is also the dog that bears his fangs.

The most traumatic and impactful event is when Gambino sells Gets to be raped by another soldier. This event would make Guts afraid of intimacy and touch. Guts is small and completely overpowered by the giant man. He reaches for his sword, his safety, but he cannot make it. He has been rendered helpless, as van der Kolk describes what makes an event truly traumatic. In this scene, the rapist is shaded heavily, giving the appearance of being more monster than man. Dark shadowing outline the sinister grin of the rapist while those same shadows threaten to swallow Guts. When the rapist tells Guts that Gambino sold him out, Guts says it's a lie and refuses to believe it. Despite Gambino's abuse Guts tries to “hold onto an image of the parent as good in order to deal with the intensity of fear and rage which is the effect of the tormenting experiences” (497). Gambino acts flippant about the act the next morning, but Guts cannot bring himself to confront his father. Instead, Guts vents his rage by destroying a barrel with his sword. He can only find solace in his weapon. Guts later kills his rapist and demands that he say who really sold him out while wearing a sadistic grin. When the man tries to say Gambino's name, Guts only stabs his sword further down his throat in rage. This event would be later repeated in his nightmares. His rapist is depicted as a towering monster with grasping, clawed hands that his sword cannot cut. Once again, Guts is a naked child, a symbol of his helplessness and vulnerability. Gambino just watches on uncaring as Guts cries out for forgiveness while the words “You should have died” (Chapter 13) repeat over and over.

Guts' sexual trauma manifests its symptoms as a refusal to be touched or to bond with others. Even a congratulatory touch on the shoulder is met with bared teeth and a strong rebuke of “Don't you ever touch me!” (Chapter 8). He continued to do what comforted him: swinging his sword. Guts becomes a loner to avoid human contact. This fits into the definition of avoidance which is when victims “...generally start organizing their lives around avoiding having the emotions that these intrusions evoke” (494). Even when forced to join a mercenary band, as they enjoyed in revelry, he instead isolates himself far from the group, still holding onto his sword. In time, their influence begins to change him. With a squad of soldiers that rely on him, he sublimated his original hyper focus to fight and kill into a desire to protect his men. This is how van der Kolk describes “many survivors seem to be able to transcend their trauma temporarily and harness their pain in acts of sublimated creation” (487). However, the important word here is 'temporary' because Guts has not addressed his trauma until the most important moment of his recovery: his first sexual experience.

Guts' first sexual encounter with his rival-turned-lover, Casca, is where his trauma is most damaging. Up to this point, Guts has only known sex as a violent act, and his first time makes it apparent. He is far too rough to the point where she cries, and he does not slow down when asked to be more gentle. In this scene, however, as he sees her weeping from behind, his image as a child, gagged and helpless, is quite literally projected before his eyes. This is the perfect example of a “memory of one particular event comes to taint all other experiences, spoiling appreciation of the present” (488). The flashback of his rape in vivid detail intrudes into his thoughts in, and once again he hears “Gambino sold yer ass out” and “You should have died” (Berserk, Chapter 46). As Casca looks back at him, his child self looking back at him; he sees himself in her eyes. He reaches out to this projected vision of his helplessness and strangles it as if to choke his own weakness, but in reality he is strangling Casca. After this, he completely breaks down and tells Casca everything traumatic about his childhood to her: from his rape, the way Gambino ignored Guts for his dog, and Guts' remorse for accidentally killing him. For the first time in his adult life, he weeps. “I meant to get over it a long time ago. This past year...I didn't remember it one time. Why'd it come back now?” (Chapter 47) Intimacy he had long refrained from has triggered his memories. At this moment, his emotions are hyperaroused that even a small touch from Casca causes him to jolt up. Only after acceptance and comfort from Casca is he able to open up and allow for a loving, positive sexual experience. Just before he fall asleep in her arms, he has a vision: “...For some reason I recalled myself myself as a boy, rubbing in the medicine Gambino gave me. Beside the boy, an oversized sword shined dimly” (47). Being close to Casca recalls to him the visions of comfort. Finally, Guts can associate a person with comfort.

The trauma Guts endured profoundly and permanently shaped his character. He was wounded and eventually managed to heal, but like many scars on his body, his mind will always have the traces of his abuse. The characters in Berserk are united by their trauma. Guts is but one linked by these experiences. Unfortunately for Guts, this is not where his trauma ends. When the entire mercenary band is wiped out and Casca is brutally raped by his most cherished ally, Guts' trauma and his demons are born anew. His violent regression and the manifesting of his id as a black dog, who tries to sway Guts again to the path of violence and solitude, is another theme that can be disseminated by psychoanalysis.

#Berserk #Guts #tw rape mention #tw child abuse #ok to reblog #:long post:

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