#me when i enjoy making art for myself and other people

[buwheal]

c]:^) <— do you like his hat? Silly little cowboy!

#im not fucking animating the static this has 200 frames for correct pacing URGHHHH... #me when i #me when i enjoy making art for myself and other people #GRRRHHHGGGGGGGHHKJNMUHYHGDTI #if you see mistakes NO YO U DONT #[you've got mail!] #spamton #spamton g spamton #deltarune #deltarune spamton #deltarune chapter 2 #most miserable sopping wet excuse of an addison #if there was something to hear you would get a description

[carpisuns]

theOrEticalLy . if I opened commissions at some point. would there be. a smackerel of interest . ??

#i have never opened them bc it’s intimidating and I don’t know how to price things!! #but mostly bc i work full time w a good salary so I don’t really need side things to make money #like it feels selfish to suggest that people should pay me to make fanart?? When #a) I already do that for free bc i enjoy it lol #and b) there are so many creators out there who are struggling to make ends meet #and I am privileged enough to generally not have to worry about that #this would be just like extra spending money to fund my scented candle habit DHDJDN #and the clothes I just bought while trying to Discover My Vibe and Finally Be Myself (at age 28 lol) #also tbh it would likely be reinvested in other commissions bc I buy commissions fairly often lol #anyway. idk the idea of commissions always sounded cool but also guilt inducing and scary #it feels weird and silly bc it would make me have to take my art seriously if that makes sense?? #like me saying ‘I think I’m good enough at art that people would buy it from me.’ that feels so bold and like. arrogant or something dhjsjd #coming from me I mean. just a silly little guy who still struggles to draw human limbs properly #ok I’m thinking about how I’d have to make a commission sheet and put a dollar sign on my art and I’m aaaaaaa #and I’d have to execute exactly what people want and what if I can’t!!! #omg ok maybe noT help lol #well im not committing to anything rn im simply. asking a question while the dash is asleep and then running off to bed seeya #i think part of me always wanted to try commissions to see if I could be a Real Artist about it ?? #and potentially end up with like. Portfolio pieces ?? #why I would need an art portfolio I don’t know. I am an editor. What do I think I will be doing here #ppl left comments on my animatic that have been giving me crazy what if thoughts. sit down #don’t look at me #ohhh swirly brain thoughts I need to sleep

[yourhoeshorses]

Wait a second... can someone with more understanding of fandom cultures explain something to me?

Do people ship characters because they believe they are going to be a cannon thing????? I thought it was just for fun?? I'm like, oh these two characters seem fun together, what if they dated. I just be mixing and matching these bitches I legit dgaf if it actually happens or not.

Maybe it's just whatever weird end of tiktok I'm on, or maybe it's just something I never picked up on until now, but like,,, people will say, "oh these ships are invalid cuz they won't be cannon" OK????? AND??? It's just fun

Like I remember being a kid and watching shows and my friends being like oh did you see that (insert ship name) scene???? Like girl I don't care. Two characters could never have interacted and I'm gonna ship them.

And that's all I thought it ever was? Is it like,, different now or some shit?

#this is totally unrelated to sso btw #i want to make art for shows and games im into but man.... it just feels like im inviting fandom people in when i do #and dont get me wrong #its very emotionally rewarding to build an audience for my art #but after the weird ass shit i went through with the metal family fandom im like #mildly traumatized #just a LIIIIIIITTLE more apprehensive about who is going to be consuming my art #cuz like #last time i was a part of a very active fandom #id get comments on pictures of myself saying i look like a certain anime character #or id have my art taken an posted somewhere else online with some other persons water mark put over it #or worse yet have my art be posted onto a proship fan art account and then getting all those freaks on my art #IF i was even credited #im such a person of quiet or dead fandoms #i feel elderly when im interacting with a fan base thats more popular #also #this whole ramble in the tags is not entirely related to creating ship content either #yes i would make ship art of appropriate character's but also like... just my art in general #anyways #this is just a long winded way of saying i watched the amazing digital circus pilot and really enjoyed it and feel super inspired by it but #and not to be like an angry old man and say “raugh!!! the fandom is weird!!!” #but id rather.... not... interact with the fandom #at least the portion ive seen anyway #just the random discourse i see in comment sections #its got me scratching my head a little

[ladsofsorrow24]

one of the... weirdly good thing about AI art invading the illustration field is that now, whenever i look at art that doesn't cater to my weird fucking taste, i'm able to appreciate the efforts and creativity that are put into making the artist's own personal vision come to life

#i don't like talking about this whole shit because its fucking tiring #but damn if there's one good thing about AI art to me as an artist myself #its that it makes me appreciate other artists despite our difference in taste or aesthetic #because... dude drawing is hard #no matter what handicapped you got #me personally? i'm struggling a lot with my arms and chest pain lately #add into the whole general anxiety shit and my motivation to draw goes haywire #yet... when i actually able to draw... refine parts of the art i'm currently working on #it makes me realized how much i enjoyed doing this #and the thought that other artists who i admired also able to experience this joy too #idk i feel some sort of camaraderie with them #so yeah i think people should try to learn how to draw than steal other people's art just to scam others #tmi tag

[size-two-shrimp]

Hey y'all, just so all of my fic readers are aware: I've kinda been losing motivation writing wise, I'm just not getting as much enjoyment (read: engagement) out of it and it's just not as worth it anymore to me. I'm still going to be writing, there's still things I want to work on, but probably not as frequently as I had been. Sorry about that

#man i feel like i sound like a greedy bastard for this but its true: i exclusively write for the engagement and knowing people liked it #i dont dislike writing dont get me wrong but if i wanted to create a story only for myself and not for others i would just. daydream about #it while working on chores or art or talk about it with friends. to me writing takes up time i could spend doing something that needs to b #done or could be used for things i enjoy more and just. i do really appreciate every single comment kudo and hit i get but also its very #hard to stay motivated at all when i get nothing out of the effort i put in yknow #when authors say that comments are what make them write faster/more they really do mean it. if you enjoy something someone has created #please tell them. this goes for all artists writers musicians etc. #anyways uh. merry christmas to all and all a goodnight im going to go eat dinner

[xxswagcorexx]

thinking about that ashswag testrun ep......

#listen 2 me. as someone who has a passive interest in the youtube algorithm #and likes to hear people talk about 'optimizing' it sometimes #and Also as someone whos very involved in fandom culture #its so!! fascinating to listen someone who has a fandom talk about the meta of their work! #like #when i think of 'ashswag' i automatically think of the fandom. i think about the thousands of words and dozens of art about spite and rage #but. ashswag (the guy) refering to 'ashswag' as a brand that can be optimized #its. a Really jarring disconnect as someone who thinks of the fandom First #esp when parrot and ash talking about the longevity of their channels #and talking about other creators and eventually going #'yeah i wish my content will grow with me as a person so i wont beat youtube like a dead horse and not enjoy it :/' #is. so interesting. #esp bc later they talk about off sourcing their editing to dedicated editors so they can be consistent #and trying to find the motivation to keep on going for like #5 years #and about how their goals are numbers based but also 'i wanna make meaningful content' #like. bud. yall already are #as someone whos talked with lots of members of the lifesteal fandom: yall are making art that inspires you! #it isn't just content that can be optimized. your videos inspire other people to create and connect #and be. human with each other. #and i Do think thats where fandom shines best #artists celebrating other artists #and ive been trying to go into this mindset myself: but youtubers are artists man! #theyre just using a new medium!! #and it sucks that youtube sees them as profit machines!! and punishes you for taking breaks bc youre human!!!! #but. listen man. when i think of ls s3 #yes i do think of the traps and pvps #but i also think about something else #i think about the trust. i think about how in a server that punishes you for being bad at the game

[benetnvsch]

Skk shippers act like the whole fandom hates them for no reason and they're so oppressed, lol.

Yea :'') Some of them (a lot of them) certainly are Something. I think A Lot of them just underestimate just How Much of the fandom is skk dominated when skk's role in the official media is just.. proportionately Not That Large (even I before starting bsd thought that it's be a central thing and was pleasantly surprised when it was not)

skk shippers have Everything and then some (see tags) so ig it just surprises me how often you see skk shippers shitting on or leaving backhanded comments on Literally Every Other Dazai ship's posts for not being/comparing to skk and then getting pissy when the ppl complain abt that behavior when they could just? ignore it and turn to the gold mines of skk content instead-

And I understand it isn't all shippers who do that but those denying it's happening entirely are also quite silly to me-

anyway, look at this screenshot of some skk shipper losing their shit after the sigzai dancing scene came out LMAO

'someone comfort me pls, I'm so pathetic' gives the same energy of the people who are like 'heh, I guess nobody here actually like me.. i'm such a loser aren't I?' lolz

#s/kk shippers are like that one meme the uhhh How Can I Make This About Me one #ALSO the uhhh #everything and then some comment is based on some of the most prevelaant s/kk 'facts' /quotes I've seen are not actually real #d/zai regrets not taking ch/ya with him when he left the mafia from the stage play? didn't happen actually- was made-up #This came from a twitter user tryna recap a stage play and misremembering :p #'the one I trusted as a boss...' yadada that quote from Beast? made up - didn't actually happen #I believe that one first came from a tiktok? #'human or not doesn't matter' quote from St0rmbringer? not offical #this came from someone's fan translation which ended up being a mistranslation :p #THE official art of em holding hands? EDITED #I just don't get how s/kk could have so much canon stuff and still half the stuff I see spread around is misinfo LMAOO #tbh this is all very interesting to me #I could study s/kk'ers under a miscroscope like lil bugs /neu #The Thing is fundamentally I think I don't even mind the ship I just thing 99% of the shippers have kind of built the ship off of #like- other people's content/the misinformation and so it's become so diluted from what it canonically is that its just impossible #for me to enjoy most of the content for how ooc it is :'') #but I enjoy it to myself #I have like several s/kk edits ideas and stuff that I will make and then keep to myself til I die #KFJHFKJF- #jkjk #ANYWAY I hope I censored the tags well enough so that it doesn't show up in search for any ship if it does pls yell at me im sorry :'00

[master-k0hga]

| M A L I C E C I L |

[ Category: Misc OCs ]

| Another non related OC, think I showed him off last time but I re-drew him recently again cuz I didn't like the one before...

Anyways super awesome demon bf Mali, who, another OC I previously introduced, is dating Winston for like... Idk years- Winnie didn't believe he was an actual demon for like a whole year, people were telling him but he would've just shrugged it off... Til he finally believed Mali one day that the horns were not a headpiece-

But anyways, a wild ride their relationship first started out with, but funnily enough it never got worse.. It actually got better, Mali is usually the type of Demon to have fun, go out drinking, one night stands, groupies; All that, but Winston was an exception for him, like yeah he'll do his basic normal demon things, but he'll always be willing and happily come back to Winston, even plans one day to propose to him... Which he'll need to get a job for himself if he were to do that as a surprise.. Anyways-

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

INFO

Name: Malicecil Species: Demon General Personality: Perverted, cocky, confident, easy going, flirtatious, playful, funny, overall very welcoming, very chill Height: 9ft Relationship Status: In a relationship

Extra Info:

His age doesn't seem to be very easy to tell as he looks roughly in his late 20's/ early 30's all the time, but it's not a surprise that he is well older than that. Winnie himself was in complete shock when Mali just randomly walked up to him one morning and just whispered how old he was in his ear; Whether it was to sound impressive or just to see his reaction is of course another question however

As mentioned, he has in fact gotten arrested one time for driving while under the influence of alcohol. Apparently despite being a demon who could potential wreck havoc to the world one day if he snapped; He's so chill to the point where authorities can still get him done for human related crimes

Has an underworld form for whenever he ventures in and out of hell, or as most demons decide to call it; "The Underrealm", how he looks on the surface is the best he can ever get to looking more "human", despite him not looking THAT much different to his real look. He's literally only slightly taller and more brute built in his Underworld form

There are other demons who have socialised along with humans just like him, he even hangs out with them in clubs, going out for drinks and so forth while keeping it buddy-buddy; Humans aren't excluded from joining them if they ask, no discriminating here after all

Has gotten romantical with quite a few humans at LEAST dating back to the late 60's, unsure whether he has lived longer than that is unclear however as he refuses to acknowledge his life before that era

Has many forged ID's for every country; Why wouldn't he, he's a demon after all. Winston sometimes wonders how he manages to get himself into trouble before the problem is "seemingly forgotten"

Acts as Winston's personal mannequin when it comes to stylizing and tailoring; Mali enjoys it believe it or not, anything that makes his boyfriend smile is good enough for him

Despite being green, he actually likes the colour brown more

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

That's all I believe, didn't really have much for him at all honestly so with this was definitely a good time to delve a little deeper into his character... Most of my OCs are mainly just made because I've thought of them either for a purpose of another OC or just because my brain decides to go "I dreamt this" (kinda like the "I made this")

...

Anyways, I don't really have much to talk about this besides just the usual so I guess that's it really....? I'll just get on with trying to get on with my other OCs in the meantime and take a break from it with fan art from time to time.. I'll just hopefully get more refs done for the OC spam, since I know I won't be really doing much online these days so I'd rather not work on a drawing then post it immediately... And then having nothing else to post, especially when it takes me ages just to be happy with a sketch and finish it off..

... Oh well, whatever.

. Malicecil, Art © Me . DON’T RE-POST .

#MASTER-K0HGA #Ary / Kohga Chronicles #Ary / Kohga OCs and Works #Malicecil #Male #Fandomless #Misc OCs #My OC #My Art #Demon OC #Demon #My Character #Re-post #My art re-posted #I do enjoy the fact that I'm categorizing my OCs at this point #it does kinda help with trying to keep this blog organised and whatnnot #Especially when I tag said categories too... Makes it easier for me to search them via tags on this blog too! #Easier way to separate OC related art and fan art as well when I'm trying to quickly find another post of mine.. Especially older ones. #Anyways not much to say....Never is tbh with how dead online is always for me... I've been talking to myself for years online #So it'll never change for me. I won't ever be like. Busy others are online but that's cuz people are interested in what they do #And don't get randomly ignored or left behind for now reason at all other than cuz people get bored of you #Or have heard random bs about you that you've never heard of in your life.. Oh well............ Minding my own business #Not that anybody gave a shit about me in the firstplace anyways...... Mali the chill demon dude who's kinda awesome #...... And wish he was my real friend too... He'd probably be my only friend actually...

[d0d0-b0i]

always get so pleasantly surprised when people really like my stuff i post :) love you all. whether you celebrate something or not around this time i wish you all the best <3

#i always first and foremost post for me if not otherwise stated on the post itself #and that is what i always have done and aspire to continue. but #it makes me happy to see so many likeminded people around me #sorry. i am getting sappy and emotional; today has been draining for reasons i do not know #i am very tired and it is late for me so i will try sleeping soon #i am glad to have found such a nice and large fandom in sonic. it has allowed me to try and be more approachable and friendly while still #being myself at my core interactions. this year has been strange and new and exciting so i figured i might as well try #and make some more friends. which i have; i am happy to say :’) i have always had a hard time socializing. and to find people willing #to understand the things i say even though it’s worded weirdly #and i’m happy so many can enjoy the art i post <3 it means a lot to me #especially when i feel as if i don’t do enough. i like many others have some. issues regarding worth and content but i am trying my best #and. am getting better at it 👍 i think i might be getting sick ergo the sappiness and long tags #but i don’t regret the things i say. i love you all followers mutual ppl i follow #there is so much space in my heart and i am not afraid to admit that i get attached easily and do not know where friendships begin. #but i. am willing to try and find out! if the gods are willing; hopefully a good new year for us all next week! and more commmunity and love #i hope you understand what i am trying to convey. ive been scared of being this open but if i am not then i will never know living #and loving <3 will still be posting obvs i am simply joyous rn! gonna sleep now :3

[end-orfino]

What if i'd make an art sideblog

#does that work out for people?? does that. influence something or #personally i enjoy posting art here and i dont really like making sideblogs anyway. but its a case of people seeing what im putting down? #at this point im incredibly puzzled because like #its either 1. im followed by a bunch of people who are exclusively here for my reblogs (like my personal posts sometimes too!) #but will not spare a second for anything actually related to what im making. #or 2. tumblr is fucking with me and not showing this stuff to people #i dont know like. how that works? #i mean i dont post often so fair? but also im making it a point to self reblog a lot when i do #i have myself under close observation and am trying my best to not fall back into my habits from instagram days #because that was. self destructive! #but what im getting at here is not 'why does the majority of people not like what i make' #its 'i SEE you people interacting with other things on my blog but not my art; what the fuck is your problem' #btw i know i rant abt this from time to time but also hi mori if youre reading this i appreciate you immenselly in all this #as the cool kids say youre a real one fr #might delete this whole thing later

[dreamsy990]

people who talk about masking are really interesting to me because like. i think i tried to mask but i certainly did not succeed. teach me your ways

#i hear people talk about their experiences and say they learned to mask and that helped them socially #but for me it just #didnt work #i never was really able to make friends #until i found some other neurodivergents #like i tried to be normal #i figured out what other people were interested in and tried to enjoy it too #but nobody thought i was more normal for doing that #i grew up just feeling like a freak #i would make friends for maybe a few months #and then as soon as i started talking about my hyperfixations they wouldnt want to talk to me anymore #i would have emotional outbursts so people purposefully tried to set me off #when i ignored them it got worse and when i responded i got in trouble #i guess it was bullying but i thought it was my fault. like oh im oversensitive stop overreacting #even when people would physically hurt me i blamed myself for being weird #my first friend who lasted was my neighbor #she made me read warrior cats and i didnt like the book but i loved the people online talking about it #and thats how i became really interested in art and writing #and then i finally had something people liked about me #i wasnt good at being a person but i was good at art #it was the one thing people couldnt make fun of me fore #so i got super into art to the point where it was all i did #i spent all day every day drawing #i stopped trying to socialize and just started drawing during school #yknow now that im thinking about it i dont think it was normal to be suicidal by age 8 #im not looking for pity here i just felt like talking since ive been thinking about stuff #oh yeah btw since this reminds me sorry if i respond weirdly to compliments i just assume everything is meant as an insult #also if you call my name irl unless i recognize your voice i will avoid you at all costs #sorry for such a venty post hbweggwe #i didnt mean to go on this rant in the tags and like. maybe this is oversharing but ive never gotten a chance to talk about it before

[peapod20001]

Bro I’m </3 thinking too hard </3

#vent #ugh. artfight. bullshit. fucking shit #I would rather have banter with my friends than draw for people that don’t care #but alas. the all consuming art game #I love drawing for people in theory but I hate how it makes me feel. do you understand what I mean by this #idk what it is but the fact art fight starts TOMORROW has me feeling like a worthless sack of shit #and that feeling is only heightened by the fact that everyone is going to be invested in it while I fucking crumble for what? the 3rd? #4th year in a row?? god. fucking sucks. I get so in my head with this bullshit every year. but I want to do it #ugh. awful. and I feel worse when people make me things and then I don’t get to send something back #awful gross beast. and now I’m just feeling worse thinking about other things. I’m so overwhelmed #and not a damn person to talk to cus 1. there’s no one to listen and 2. I can’t articulate my feelings! I don’t understand myself! #the only reason I know how to act is because I do research for my fucking characters! I’m my own fucking character! #and I wish someone was there to make me feel special like how I (hypothetically) make my ocs feel!! #ugh. whatever I’m cool and fine and dandy and NOT on the verge of tears and I’m going to eat fucking jellybeans #am I going to have a breakdown every time there’s a Holliday or event? I canNOT be caught feeling like a fucking ball of lint every #valentines day dawg. I can’t be that person. I already did that one time too many ok #how’s it feel to have people enjoy talking to you? cus I’m either too much or not enough for people

[noodle-artist]

I’ve got two eggs ( sketches ) in my egg carton (my phone) but my anxiety levels are too high for me to take them out ( to show y’all ) cause I’m afraid I’ll break them ( it won’t be perfect )

#art is art #who gives a fuk about what the tags or post says #it matters to me a bit #like how the title of the painting really smacks you on what’s being depicted #plus I like to add emojis and quotes from the source #I just have zero time to do the research #so I have this mental todo list and it’s on there and I’m making zero progress on getting it posted #so my anxiety is high knowing that I haven’t been doing it #but I have to take a step back and allow myself to breath #it will get done #y’all will see #and I will be content #also #I love my art #but I can’t help but be afraid of how they’ll be received #when I make something that makes me happy I hope that it can make other people happy as well #I like making art for myself #but I also enjoy seeing people be happy because of it as well #like omg #my little sketch #made someone happy #I was able to bring a small amount of joy to someone #art #ahhh it’s just one of those days

[hecksupremechips]

Girl help I keep thinking about freaking persona 4

#i have banned myself from engaging with any persona 4 related content (except for memes my sister sends me) #because yeah its genuinely deeply upsetting for me and i always feel like absolute shit #but aghhh for some reason my brain has been fixated on it this week thinking about all the offensive garbage it is #and i keep thinking of all the evidence i can gather definitively proving that the writing is sooooo homophobic/transphobic #which is a very easy thing to gather up and prove since its all over the damn place lol #but like im just so fixated on how awful the game is and how the fans are even worse and i have this urge to argue forever #something im sure a lot of yall can relate to #cuz god it hurts to be screaming at people that theyre hurting you and for them to just say no to you as if its up for debate #if this sounds dramatic cuz its Juat A Game liiiike no its not Just A Game this is about #my daily life requires me to argue my existence constantly and its the same for every other damn marginalized person out there #and idk if youre still gonna either ignore or deny that persona 4 isnt batshit insanely offensive then youre stupid #i dont have the patience to argue shit like this anymore because theres no way someone with a brain can deny shit like that #and quite frankly even well intentioned queer fans who try to make headcanons that either say fuck you to the game #or hcs that do nothing at all to challenge the bigotry in p4 are kinda annoying to me #cuz it hurts too much to play along like yeah id LOVE to just slap a rainbow on kanji and a trans guy badge on naoto #and call it a day and enjoy the game outside of it all but thats kinda impossible #when these two characters entire existence revolves around the bigotry and its done in a way that hurts like hell to see #its too real for me to enjoy even if i make positive ‘fuck you atlus’ fan art #yeah ughhhh whatever its just annoying cuz I’ve been doing a good job at blocking this game away from my life #cuz it brought nothing but anger to me but its just been something thats been stuck on me lately #and im really not sure what triggered this or why its been lingering so long like please stoppp #its really embarrassing to be having bad mental illness over a shitty bibleo game 🙄

[sunnibits]

ok disclaimer I don’t mean this as like a callout post to people who draw all faces the same bc I don’t think it’s automatically a bad thing. but like when it comes to art fight, people who don’t have a lot of facial feature variation with their ocs stress me out so much 😭 bc like I’m a very face-oriented artist that’s my favorite part so when they all look the same I’m like OK BUT WHAT’S THEIR NOSE SHAPE…. PLEASE I’M BEGGING…….. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO GET THEIR FACE RIGHT THAT IS THE ONLY THING I SPECIALIZE IN

If all of their character’s noses look the same I am literally CONVINCED that they actually have a special secret nose shape™️ in mind that they just chose not to draw. I genuinely assume that in my subconscious but it occurs to me that maybe that’s not actually true... But like. Wh. Where’s the nose shapes people pls I live on nose shapes 😭

#it’s like. the most easily variable face shape to me like it’s the easiest part to make ur characters distinct as far as facial features #at least in my opinion #so when everyone has the same nose I’m like. panting sweating like how am I supposed to orient myself if there’s no FUNKY NOSE #ITS NOT LIKE IM GOOD AT ANATOMY OR CLOTHES OR WHATEVER I mean I’m decent but that’s not what I practice #like how am I supposed to show off my style 😭😭😭 if y’all don’t have NOSESSSSSS #And again genuinely do not mean this as a criticism this is just me struggling 😂 #I think everyone has their parts of art that they enjoy most and for me it happens to be faces #but other people be poppin off with costume design and shit!!! Which I suck at lmao #and I don’t wanna assume all my faces are Beautiful Gorgeous Stunning either shhshsh I’m still practicing with my variations a lot #especially when it comes to ocs that shit is hard as FUCK bc you gotta make up a wholeass human face with your brain

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

ah well gosh hi???

in what i said was gonna be a one day break from, well, life tbh, i seemingly realized that i don't just have school coming SOON, but that i wasn't prepared to wake up at 2pm to find out i only have a few days left of total free time not spent struggling and stressing out over exams of all things

so like any average person i went and made plans with friends to hang out and get my mind off of everything- and while it was good while it lasted, i really wanted to be, yknow, clear

i have artworks at the ready, and if i ever become desperate enough to start getting a hang on drawing with a mouse all the time i might as well, but as things stand i really do not know what the heck i am doing-

i'll try my hardest to at least look for a way to fix the pen cause that's just the most important and expensive part of the damaged stuff, but i'm thinking the cable is perma-broke so i'll have to look for a way to replace it

to cut right to the chase: i have some art i can post. but i dunno when, if, or which to post because most of them have some context that i would've normally been all too eager to explain, but as things stand? man i don't think i could muster the energy to try

so? i dunno yall- i mean i could start writing again? i've entertained the idea long enough and this might be just the opportunity to finally get some practice without getting distracted by drawing :'D

i could do small stuff with a mouse if i feel like sharing some art, but the illustrations? i feel like i can only post those once i feel a bit more alive mentally and physically to interact with others without feeling so drained all the time (but knowing that school's coming, i can't really promise anything :'))

thanks a lot for the sweet words and patience guys- it means a lot that you won't immediately, idk, ditch this blog once you realize i might not post much if not at all (hopefully not gosh) for an undetermined amount of time? you really made me realize this wasn't as bad as my mind's been pushing me to think,

so trust me i WILL bounce back and reblog stuff and have entire essays in your tags eventually- i just need to stop feeling like it has to be today, or tomorrow, or any days afterwards, just that it will happen when i feel like it<3

#rambling #delete later? #it feels so funny to get bothered by something that would be trivial to future me in like...idk a year? #i'm not as upset as i thought i'd be too- just mostly numb i guess.. #also the reason why i can't bring myself to post the artworks i had- can i really talk about how much fun i had drawing them? #when i'm barely wrapping my head around the fact that i can't no more? and for an uncertain amount of time where i'll be too busy #too tired and too short on money to even think about drawing in the first place? i don't think i wanna get used to that but well #if there's one thing i can take from these vacations is that while you guys can't see it i really did have fun improving on my art #and gosh do i love what i'm doing so much that i personally wouldn't mind if it were just for me alone to see #but after sharing my ideas and works into the wild and watching people gather around to share ideas back- #i can say i like my art and the why is because it makes me happy! and it apparently does for you guys too so why not share! >:) #i also guess one of the reasons i'm not as active is cause of the whole need to compose myself and find the time to breathe and enjoy #the works of the others and mine and think of ways to express my feelings to everyone #and trust me sometimes i wish i could just write nothing and post/reblog- but it feels so empty #if i wanted to do that i'd make another account #no i want to talk about what i love with y'all and if i start rambling well no one's complaining! #if i see something made with the thought of me behind it then ain't no way in hell i'm not climbing rooftops yelling how much i love it #so if i somehow don't do that then i'm either too busy to even check tumblr- dead- or doing even worse somehow- so nothing against you! #guess i had that on my mind for a while now so please! i'm not ignoring you on purpose! i'm probably too wrapped up in my stuff to react #same for asks btw i am not joking there's so many and i live in constant shame xD :') #if you made it this far i am so sorry for yet another long post but i feel it's justified a little x) goodnight everyone! have a nice day<3