#me if I didn’t pray a certain order/way g-d would strike my

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

Just recalled a memory from elementary school that made me realize I really did just have ocd from a young age

#meows #or I’d assume these things would count? #like I distinctly remember on several occasions #being in line for gym or music class and looking at the line of classmates #ahead of me and my brain saying ‘slap all of them’ #or ‘kiss all of them’ and then I’d have the other voice that’d be #like what??? no!?? I would be hurting them/doing something they don’t want!!! #also related to my ✨religious trauma✨ #if I didn’t say my nightly prayers the exact same way every night #then my family would die lol. and if I wasn’t #doing the family prayer thing I was subjected to as a child #and was on my own I had the same thing as above #PLUS having to hold my breath the entire time #anxiety probably plays into it #that reminds me fuck my third grade teacher I think she truly #started my anxiety. I also cheated on tests a few times in there #damn okay I need to go to sleep and. not. think about this…. #oh and I think I thought a lot of the ‘god’ telling #me if I didn’t pray a certain order/way g-d would strike my #family down was actually probably my anxiety and ocd