#mayfishtion
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Deadliest Catch
For a prompt of ‘Deadliest Catch’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
‘Well, look what I have here?’ Aziraphale looks at the creature caught in his net, wriggling around in its bounds. ‘Oh my, how unexpected.’
Crowley glares at him, showing his snakey fangs. ‘I am going to bite you,’ he growls, twisting his coils more and only succeeding in getting more tangled in the net. ‘I am going to make sure it hurts.’
Aziraphale sniffs, lowering the net a touch. ‘I am not the one swimming around in a popular fishing area.’
More hissing from the displeased and tangled serpent. Oh at this rate Aziraphale will have to cut him out and it’s going to be a mess.
‘You know I was going to toss whatever I caught back,’ Aziraphale muses and all the wriggling stops. ‘I do prefer my dinner to have a lot less ah-’
‘Work,’ Crowley says gleefully, tilting his head so he can look Aziraphale in the eye.
‘-blood and guts,’ Aziraphale says instead because Crowley’s right but he’s not going to be the one to say it. ‘But I seem to have made the deadliest catch of all, can’t throw that back.’
Crowley twists a bit more, eyes bright and snakey grin smug. ‘What are you going to do with me then, angel?’
Aziraphale just smiles and works the first bit of the net off of Crowley’s tail. ‘I’m sure I’ll think of something over lunch. Care to join me?’
‘I’m a bit stuck at the moment.’
‘Oh, I’m sure they won’t mind.’
And if anyone did mind Aziraphale dining at the lovely seaside pub with an entangled serpent in his net, well. They didn’t have the courage to actually tell him and that’s the same as not caring.
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Carnival goldfish or Daring rescues
Aziraphale and Crowley were at the carnival. Well, currently it was only Aziraphale at the carnival because he had lost Crowley. And as much joy and happiness as everyone around him was radiating, Aziraphale was not feeling it. He set off to make his rounds through the writing, dense mass of bodies for a third time, when he heard a familiar voice.
“Another one!”
Crowley.
Aziraphale hastily set off in the direction the voice had come from and finally, finally found Crowley. Who barely acknowledged him because he was currently concentrating very hard.
“Hey, angel, wish me luck this time,” he said, and threw a ball at some cans.
He missed. Badly. All three tries. Aziraphale felt his fear and anger dissipate into amusement.
The vendor grinned in a rude way Aziraphale did not appreciate.
“Try 23 then, sir?” he asked smugly.
Crowley made to answer but Aziraphale moved forward, interrupting them both by handing the vendor some coins.
“I shall give it a try,” he said simply.
The vendor handed him the three balls, leering at him in the same unsympathetic way he had at Crowley.
Aziraphale breathed in, steadying himself. Then he threw the ball.
One.
Two.
Three.
Every single can was gone from the board, and the vendors smug grin was wiped off his face.
“What prize did you want?” he asked, annoyed.
Aziraphale turned to Crowley, who was looking at him with his mouth hanging slightly open.
“Uh, oh, right, the goldfish.”
The vendor handed Crowley three tiny plastic bags with vibrantly yellow and orange fish in them. Crowley took them carefully. Then he turned towards Aziraphale, looking at him and nodding slightly towards the stall. Aziraphale sighed.
“Another round, if you please.”
They left the carnival with their arms full of water and fish filled bags. Aziraphale could barely see where he was going. They had completely depleted the man’s fish reserves and Aziraphale had woven a miracle that would gently push him to no longer offer up living beings as prizes.
They gently set the bags down in the trunk of the Bentley, Aziraphale ensuring they wouldn’t be jostled during the drive with another miracle. Then he joined Crowley in the front.
“Alright, dear, they are all settled. What shall we do with them now? We certainly don’t know enough children to give all of them to.”
“What, children? I’m not giving goldfish to children, what am I, a demon?”
Aziraphale just looked at Crowley, who grinned, apparently thinking himself to be very hilarious indeed.
“Nah, angel. I think you’ll find that my observatory just gained a pond.”
It had indeed, as Aziraphale saw when they arrived at home. A rather lovely, established, very natural looking pond that was winding around some of the plants, and even a small bridge that allowed for easy traversing of the observatory still. A true paradise for any goldfish, especially after having been stuck in a plastic bag.
Aziraphale smiled, and started opening the bags.
Read the rest of the prompts HERE.
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You want fish? I’ll give you fish
Prompt for Ace Omens May Flash Fishtion - “rain of fish”
Aziraphale relaxed in the Bentley’s passenger seat and gave a contented sigh. Crowley’s inevitably hectic, breakneck driving no longer sent him into a tizzy. Oh, he still complained quite loudly whenever they dashed between cars or nearly annihilated pedestrians, but he’d adapted. In fact, he rather enjoyed their drives, particularly because he could just sit and gaze at Crowley for long, uninterrupted stretches of time.
And then he was, in fact, interrupted by a loud wet thump against the top of the car. He jumped, and Crowley let out a string of colorful profanity.
Several more thumps followed in quick succession. “Goodness, what is that?” Aziraphale asked, twisting to look out the window. Dark blobs rained down all around them and splatted against the ground.
“Shit shit shit.” Crowley yanked on the wheel, and the Bentley skidded off the side of the road. Once the car screeched to a halt, he leapt out, snapping his fingers.
Aziraphale scrambled out as well and looked up. Crowley had miracled protection over them and the Bentley, shielding them from the torrent of mysterious projectiles. Now, he was pacing around the car, muttering and smoothing out dents.
“This is rather unusual,” Aziraphale said, still completely baffled as to what exactly was falling from the sky. And then he looked at the wriggling forms all around them. “Are…are those fish?”
“Mm.” Crowley wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I forgot.”
Aziraphale blinked at him. “I’m sorry, my dear, you forgot? You forgot what?”
Crowley hooked his thumbs in his pockets and rocked his weight from one foot to the other, gnawing on his lip. “Y’know how we had a bit to drink earlier?”
“Just a bit,” Aziraphale replied, pursing his lips as he thought about the five empty bottles. It had been a thoroughly enjoyable, if overindulgent, afternoon. “You got rather enthusiastic, as I recall.”
“Ah, I sobered up before driving. ‘S not the point. Point is, you said you wanted fish—sushi—and I was really drunk, and...”
Realization and amusement slammed into Aziraphale as fish bounced off the invisible barrier. “Did you really miracle a rain of fish because I wanted sushi? And on a more important note, I think you missed quite dramatically. Your generous gift is falling from the sky several minutes from our cottage.”
“Yeah, yeah. I noticed I missed. Was drunk.” Crowley made another face and snapped his fingers, halting the cascade of scaly creatures. “Guess I better, uh…clean this up or something.”
Aziraphale glanced at the aftermath, shook his head, and gently shooed all the fish back to their homes via miracle. “While I appreciate the thought,” he said, struggling to suppress laughter, “I prefer my fish prepared at home or a restaurant rather than scattered all over the road.”
“Ngh,” Crowley said, cheeks flushed. “Get back in the car, angel.”
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Sea Shanties
For a prompt of ‘Sea Shanties’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
Crowley is just putting the finishing touches on dinner, already dished out and just needing garnishings, when he hears the low singing coming from their living room. Smiling, he steps away from the food, wiping his hands on his apron as he makes his way into the living room.
He pauses in the doorway, letting Aziraphale’s low voice seep over him as he sings the familiar sea shanty. It’s not one Crowley’s heard much since its brief life some centuries ago, back when the two of them were playing pirates and naval officers. Unlike a lot of the others around, this song hadn’t become popular outside of a few ships.
Pity that. But Crowley had enjoyed his days as a pirate - and then naval officer when they swapped roles. Aziraphale had been a far better pirate; for an angel he’d not been very good at the whole ‘following orders’ bit expected on navy ships and lacked the usual means he usually used to subvert undesired orders.
Like just not doing it. Hard to hide from responsibilities on a small ship.
Aziraphale moves into the next verse and Crowley joins in, pitching his voice higher to harmonise with Aziraphale’s currently low voice. Aziraphale turns with a smile of delight to look at him, but doesn’t stop singing.
They finish out the song, swapping the parts between themselves. Crowley grins at his angel as they sing the final note, flopping down onto the sofa beside him and accepting a soft kiss to his cheek.
‘That would work better with more people,’ Crowley comments idly.
‘It would but that would mean having to teach them the song,’ Aziraphale replies. ‘Though perhaps the Them would be interested.’
Crowley grins. ‘Song about dirty things disguised as slang? They’ll love it.’ He wriggles in place and Aziraphale puts an arm over his shoulder. ‘Surprised you remember it though, remember shanties weren’t really your thing back then.’
‘Oh I enjoyed them… and at the time that was perhaps too much.’ Aziraphale looks a little bitter, dropping his head onto Crowley’s shoulder. ‘Singing was for the choirs after all, not an angel who best served the singing of praises by keeping his mouth shut and not singing at all.’
Growling, Crowley has a vague wish he’d not missed with the Hellfire. ‘Fucking archangels.’
‘Indeed.’ Aziraphale gives Crowley a look out of the corner of his eye. ‘Can’t imagine Hell was much pleased with singing.’
Crowley shrugs. ‘Nope. But look at me and all the fucks I ever gave about that.’
‘My rebel,’ Aziraphale says, kissing Crowley on the cheek again. ‘Do I take it from your apron, dinner is ready?’
‘Yeah, just gotta garish.’
‘Then let’s go eat and afterwards, we can rebel against Heaven and Hell with the mightiest of songs we know.’
Crowley starts to grin. ‘Oh yes angel, for sure. After dinner, I will rock you.’
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Seems Fishy to me
For a prompt of ‘Seems Fishy to me’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
Warning: puns
'Oh this is such a lovely place!' Aziraphale cries as they are seated, though his attention is on the cosy decor. 'Looks just as lovely inside as it did out, thank you so much for picking it, my dear.'
Crowley hums in agreement as he looks at his menu, blinking at the endless choices of various fish and seafood presented. Okay, yes this is a seafood restaurant, pretending at being a pub, in a fishing village but this menu! The only non-fish dish is the chips! Even the wedges come fish shaped, and the salads are all lemon based.
Oh. Oh he could, couldn't he?
'I dunno, angel,' he says as Aziraphale takes the menu. 'Seems a bit fishy to me.'
Aziraphale looks up in alarm and Crowley smiles back blandly. He looks around, clearly trying to spot what Crowley has.
Then he looks down at his menu.
'Crowley!'
Crackling, Crowley drops his menu and smirks at the grumpy angel. 'You're right, you're right. I cod do better.'
Aziraphale groans. 'Crowley!'
'Ah come on angel, they're not turtle disasters.' Crowley feels his grin get wider in the face of Aziraphale's repeated groans and eye rolling. 'You could come up with one, instead of leaving it to salmon else.'
'My dear, no,' Aziraphale breathes. 'Please no.'
But it is, Crowley noted, said in the same tone most people get when they're somewhat amused but refusing to admit it.
'Why? Are they eely bad?'
More eye rolling from Aziraphale. 'Remind me again why I want to marry you?'
It's like Crowley has been punched in the stomach, his breath gone from him in an instant. 'Marry?' He repeats, shakily.
Aziraphale gives him a shy smile, though a hint of his bastard smile is tucked at the back of it. 'Well yes. I suppose now is as good a time to ask as any. Will you marry me my dear?'
The whole restaurant goes quiet, every human in the place watching Crowley for his answer.
It takes him three goes to have enough breath to croak out 'Yes, angel, YES!'
Applause starts as Aziraphale pecks him on the lips. 'I love you my dear.'
'Love you as swell,' Crowley says, noting how Aziraphale's eyes narrow at the unemphasised pun.
He can't resist.
'Say, does this make it of-fish-al?'
Aziraphale wallops him over the head with his menu.
He then kisses Crowley's nose so, all in all, not a bad reaction to the pun.
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Swimming with Dolphins
For a prompt of ‘Swimming with Dolphins’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
'This is not what I had in mind this morning,' Crowley grumbles, diving to the side to avoid another charging dolphin. 'Oi! That nearly hit me!'
Aziraphale just smiles and shakes his head at his dear husband. 'I don't know what you expected to happen. Besides, I think it's going swimmingly.'
At his side, one of his dolphin companions squawked in agreement. He offers them a hand and they take turns presenting their heads for pats, yelling their delight at being this close to an angel the whole time.
Dolphins really are such delightful fish.
'Besides you have managed what you wanted,' Aziraphale adds, looking back to shore. 'Looks like a wet ant nest over there.'
The humans on shore are running around, waving cameras and mobiles all pointed at the wild dolphin pod Aziraphale and Crowley have found themselves in the middle of. A few braver humans are trying to swim out to join them but keep being washed gently back to shore by surprisingly strong waves. If they'd been out here to start it would be okay for them to be amongst the dolphins, but swimming out to join the pod is not a great idea.
Besides, it would ruin Crowley's fun. Limited as it is right now.
'Bless you!' he curses as another dolphin charges him. 'I will bite you!'
'And you wonder why they don't like you!'
Crowley glares at Aziraphale. 'Not all of us have an angel's Disney Princess vibes.'
'Oh this is me, not an angelic thing,' Aziraphale says as he rubs a third, much younger dolphin. 'Most angels ah, do not get on with animals.'
He tilts his head in thought then smirks. 'Have I told you the story of Gabriel and the camel?'
Looking gleeful, Crowley changes into a snake and climbs up Aziraphale's shoulders, where he gets sideeyed by the dolphins. They don't, however, charge again, instead setting in with bright eyes to listen to Aziraphale.
'Not yet angel.'
Aziraphale’s smirk widens as he glances back to shore and miracles the humans' attention away from them. No need for someone to interrupt his tale.
'Well my dear and dolphins, are you ready for the story?'
Nods all round from attentive listeners and Aziraphale, smiling softly, settles in to tell the tale of how Gabriel had ended up pissing off the wrong camel.
Twice.
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Sushi
For a prompt of ‘Sushi’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
'Oooh!’ Aziraphale says as they enter the restaurant. ‘This looks… complicated.’
Crowley smiles and shakes his head. ‘It’s not really.’ He turns to the waiter. ‘Two please.’ She nods and leads them to a little booth, right beside the train, and right by one of the stations of the chefs. Perfect.
‘When you said this was a new way to do sushi, I thought you meant a new recipe,’ Aziraphale says, looking from the slow moving train to the menus he’s been given and back again. ‘Like, sushi made into little trains.’
‘Sure they could do that if you ask,’ Crowley says, eyeing the food going past. Ooh, that’s one of Aziraphale’s favourites.
He pulls it off the train and Aziraphale gasps. ‘What are you doing?’
Crowley lowers his glasses to stare his angel in the face. ‘I… forgot to explain this to you.’ Aziraphale gives him a tight nod. ‘Right. Easy concept. The food is going past on the train. If you like something, you pull it off as it goes past and eat it. If there’s something not on the train - hot food, popular type that’s out - tell a waiter or chef and they’ll make it for you. End of the meal you pay for all the things you had.’
Aziraphale’s eyes light up. ‘Oh! How clever.’ He eyes the food going past. ‘And I can take as many as I like?’
‘Well yes but ah, angel?’ Aziraphale glances at him before going back to watching the train like a lion watches a zebra, ‘Just… pace yourself.’
‘Oh I intend to,’ Aziraphale says and strikes, grabbing his first three dishes.
Crowley shrugs and grabs a dish at random. If he doesn’t like it, Aziraphale will, which is basically the same thing.
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Deep sea Horror
For a prompt of ‘Deep sea Horror’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
Crowley watches the chaos on the dock unfollowing with barely contained glee. Humans on the ship are scrambling to get off the moment they can, while reporters are trying to get on, held back by the efforts of very very done with this shit police. On deck the Captain is screaming at the head scientist, who is screaming right back while an empty tank sits there accusingly.
And beside him, a still vaguely damp and very annoyed angel has just gotten the last of his clothes on.
'You're dressed now,' Crowley says softly, eyes still on the ant hill of humans. He's hoping for at least one person pushed overboard, maybe a two-for-one deal if they trip…
Aziraphale sighs, taking a seat on the side of the dock next to Crowley. He doesn't protest at least, his story the price of Crowley's rescue.
Not that Crowley would have left him there. But he wants to know and this seemed the easiest way to explain why Aziraphale was stuck as a multi-limbed angelic horror in a tank.
'You're going to laugh.'
'Too late angel. Just tell me.'
Another sigh. 'I was looking for somewhere quiet.'
'Can't beat the bottom of the sea for quiet,' Crowley says.
Aziraphale glares at him. 'So I could read.' Crowley starts to laugh and Aziraphale talks over him. 'And I tried everywhere in London but people kept finding me and the book was ah-'
'Garage?'
'-not something I need to be seen reading so I found somewhere i couldn't be seen. And well, my human shaped corporation couldn't take the pressure but a more angelic one could and I was already miracling the book to be safe, what's my true form on top of that?'
Crowley can barely speak through his laughter. 'You became a deep sea Horror just to read a book?'
'It's a very good book.'
'And you didn't see the humans' ship coming?'
Aziraphale shifts in place. '...It's a very good book.'
Still laughing, Crowley stands. 'Come on angel, let's get you fed. And then see if we can't replace your book. What do you feel like?'
Aziraphale takes his offered hand and gets up. 'You know, I kind of feel like calamari.'
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Octopus
For a prompt of ‘Octopus’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
Crowley isn't hard to spy in the water, lurking as he is out of human sight. Aziraphale can see his tail bobbing out of the water on occasions, moving with the waves. He's put some fins on his face, though subtle enough they would look like a part of his hair from a distance.
In all, a beautiful mercreature, ready to strike at humanity.
Aziraphale smiles and makes his own, prepared changes. And then with a soft sigh, to try and get his fluttering heart under control, Aziraphale swims over to his husband.
It's a little tricky at first, moving his new limbs but he soons gets the hang of it. Just in time to reach Crowley, who is staring at him with disbelief.
'Did I do something wrong?' Aziraphale asks, his heart pounding. 'I followed your instructions-'
'You are half octopus,' Crowley says, examining Aziraphale's lower half. His tentacles shift under the scrutiny and oh that's an odd feeling.
'You said pick a fish!'
Crowley grins and something in Aziraphale relaxes. 'Octopus - octopi? Octopuses? - weren't what I had in mind for fish but Aziraphale,' he looks at Aziraphale with what can only be called 'heart eyes', 'this is even better.'
'Really?'
An evil grin. 'Oh yes. Now angel, ready to go terrify the townsfolk?'
'In the name of protecting the ocean, yes.'
Crowley rolls his eyes. 'Always such a goody two shoes,' he mutters as he dives under the waves.
With a grin, Aziraphale follows.
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Bermuda Triangle
For a prompt of ‘Bermuda Triangle’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
Aziraphale takes one look at Crowley as he approaches for their regular Arrangement catch up lunch and knows. Crowley has that manic glee aura surrounding him, the sort he only gets when he's in the middle of something that's either going to be brilliant or a hair brained scheme Aziraphale will have to fish him out of.
Or both. Both is also a possibility.
'You're scheming,' he tells Crowley as the demon flops into the seat across from him. 'Is it going to blow up on you like usual?'
Crowley puts a heart to his chest, mock offense undone by his large grin. 'Angel when have my schemes ever gone wrong?'
'Babel. Caligula's horse. That nonsense with the emus in Australia,' Aziraphale says, listing them off on his fingers.
'You can stop now,' Crowley growls, and there's a note of something that could be hurt in his voice.
Oh dear. 'You have pulled off some of them,' Aziraphale admits. 'Eden was one and well, look how that went.'
Grinning, Crowley leans back into his seat. 'Yes well. This is going to go like Eden.'
'What is your plan?'
Crowley leans in, still grinning maniacally. 'I am gonna convince them the ocean is cursed.'
Aziraphale blinks. 'What all of it?'
'Nope! That's the best part. Gonna convince them a single patch is bad and let them go nuts with it.'
Huffing, Aziraphale grabs for his menu. 'It'll never work.'
'It will too!' Crowley glances over his own menu. 'Let's make it a bet. Dinner as the prize, paid for by the loser?' He holds out his hand.
Aziraphale pretends to consider it. If Crowley wins he'll find the most exotic restaurant in the city which isn't a hardship and if Aziraphale wins well, there's a world of culinary choices open to him.
'A bet it is,' Aziraphale says, shaking Crowley's hand.
Ten years later, when the Bermuda Triangle has become enough of a thing for Crowley to claim victory, Aziraphale can only sigh at humanity.
And get ready for whatever lovely place Crowley's surely found for them. Hardly feels like losing when the penalty is dinner with a dear friend.
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Boat/Ship
For a prompt of ‘Boat/Ship’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
'And and the great big bloody boat-'
'Ship.'
Crowley blinks, his thoughts flying away at Aziraphale's interruption, but it's like trying to herd… dogs? No. Frogs? Noooooo. Something unherdable. Where's the ship anyway?
'What?'
'Is a ship.' Aziraphale sounds sure of himself, staring at Crowley and smiling that drunken smile he has. Urgh how is he so adorable drunk? Crowley wants to weep but first he has to prove how wrong the angel is.
'Is a boat.'
Aziraphale shakes his head with a frown. 'Has masts, issa ship.'
'Nooooo! The ark didn't have masts it's not a hip. Ship. Ship!'
'Ark? The the Noah one?'
'YES!' Crowley rises a little before the alcohol drags him back down into the couch. 'Is a boat.'
More shaking from Aziraphale. 'Is an ark. Not a boat. Or they'd call it Noah's *boat*.'
That… that is a good point and Crowley is really annoyed about it. How dare Aziraphale be right?!
He changes track. 'Why'd you say it was a ship then?'
Aziraphale stares at him for a long moment, eyes blank. Then light goes on in them and he smiles. 'Didn't.'
'You diiiiiiid!'
'Said the ship was a ship.' He sounds so smug and Crowley wants to kiss him so much.
'Was talking about the ark, you said it's a ship.'
'It's an ark!' Aziraphale slurs. 'Not a ship!'
Crowley groans. This isn't going anywhere. 'Wasn't my point, if the boat was a ship or not-
'It isn't.'
'I KNOW!'
'What was the point?'
Crowley opens his mouth, closes it and pouts. 'Don't remember.'
Aziraphale coos at him and Crowley can't let that stand. He collapses on Aziraphale in revenge.
Annoyingly, all it does is make Aziraphale coo more and then kiss his forehead. 'My dear, 'he says and Crowley hums.
Then, 'Cats!'
'What?'
'Thing you herd.'
'...You don't herd cats!'
And off they go again. Only this time, Crowley is in the best place to be in the whole, wide world.
Aziraphale's lap.
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Bait
For a prompt of ‘Bait’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
Warning for canon typical violence.
‘Ah, gentle demons! What brings you out here on this fine evening?’
Eric and Eriq exchange looks, Eric shifting a little in their nervousness. This is the angel that survived Hellfire, that had looked at them with all the coldness of an angry demon and sent him packing without a word. Even having two of themselves is not enough to make this any less scary.
Having Hastur with them is… is not making the angel any less terrifying, but he’s not as scary as Hastur.
Not yet. Even though he’s just standing at the end of this alleyway, smiling brightly like he’s not been cornered by three demons. Three angry demons.
Okay one angry demon and two terrified ones. But that’s bad enough!
‘You’re the one that kept beating Crawley?’ Hastur sneers. Eriq steps back, something that covers Eric’s step back as well. This angel beat Crowley. They all saw his bath!
Except Erik, who was in Heaven waiting for the Hellfire back. But they heard about it!
The angel - Aziraphale is it? - smiles. ‘I did spend a good deal of my time thwarting Crowley yes. Though I must say he has far more style than either of you two - sorry three?’ Eric shrugs and Eriq gives an ‘eh’ gesture. Either works. ‘Three then. You’re not even fit to touch his boots with all the hamfisted nonsense you’ve been doing in London.’
Hastur grins and, in a single fast move, pushes the angel up against the wall. ‘Shows what you know wank-wings,’ he growls in Aziraphale’s face. Aziraphale just looks at him with a raised eyebrow and both Eric and Eriq take a step back.
‘Oh?’ Aziraphale says mildly.
They take three steps back.
‘Gotta have some bait see, for dumb pricks like you,’ Hastur snarls, still in the angel’s face. ‘Knew you’d come looking and I know that Crawley cares for you.’
Both Eric and Eriq hiss at the swear word Hastur just used. Caring from a demon?!
‘But look at you, taking the bait.’
Aziraphale just smiles, that same calm smile. Eric and Eriq are basically at the end of the alleyway now, ready to flee at a moment’s notice. He’s so calm, how is he so calm?
‘Have you ever considered bait?’ Aziraphale says and Eric blinks at the non-sequitur.
‘What?’
Wriggling a bit against the wall, Aziraphale looks past him to Eric. ‘Bait? Have either of you-’ Eric shakes their heads. ‘No, I didn’t think so. Hastur right? Have you considered it?’
‘No,’ Hastur growls lowly, giving both of them a look over his shoulder. They take one step in until he turns back to look at Aziraphale, at which point they step right back.
‘Pity. A good bit of thinking on the nature of bait might have helped you here,’ Aziraphale says and yeah, that’s probably their cue. But curiosity keeps them here, just close enough to hear.
Hastur slams the angel against the wall. ‘You’re Crawley’s bait, you stupid angel.’
‘I know,’ Aziraphale says with an evil twinkle in his eye. ‘And I’m your bait.’
He looks up.
So do all the demons.
Crowley stands there, on the roof above, holding a bucket in his hands. ‘Give my regards to Hell!’ he cries and flips it over.
Eric and Eriq scamper, Hastur’s screams following them into the night along with the sound of a thousand popping water balloons.
Note to selves - the angel makes terrible bait.
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Kraken
For a prompt of ‘Kraken’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
Crowley has just paid for the ice cream, already scrambling to try and carry five cups of it without a visible miracle when the screaming starts. Beside him Brian, who is already half done with his ice cream, looks up.
'Is that screaming?' he asks, taking the two cups Crowley hands him absently as he stares towards the beach. Towards where they left the rest of their little group.
'...Yes,' Crowley sighs, miracling the ice cream to not melt and not be droppable. 'Come on then.'
Brian and he start sprinting towards the noise. They aren't the only ones running against the crowd of people fleeing, but about halfway to the shore is a point the other people running reach and instantly turn around. Oh come on, what's happening?
'Taking children to the seaside never used to be this stressful,' Crowley grumbles as he runs. They reach the turn around point and Crowley freezes while Brian cries out in amazement.
There's a sea monster sitting on the shore. A kraken.
Crowley says 'a' because the last time he checked the kraken wasn't the size of a house, but the size of many houses. And their land. And the mountain they sat on.
'Fuck me, it's a baby kraken,' Crowley says. And, oh Someone, 'Adam's patting it.'
Brian whoops and dashes down the beach. The rest of the Them, including Warlock, are standing around the kraken, while Aziraphale stands back and stares.
Crowley wanders up to Aziraphale and passes him his ice cream. 'Adam?'
'Adam,' Aziraphale confirms. 'He thought the kraken was lonely, so he gave it a companion of its choice when he reset the world.'
'Ah. Hence baby. Mum's out there?'
Aziraphale nods. 'Adam has promised the baby ice cream.'
Crowley looks down at the two cups he still has and back up at the kraken. Well shit.
'Oi kids! If the baby there wants ice cream, some of you are going to have to help me carry it!' The kids start negotiating who is going while Crowley sighs and passes the remaining cups to Aziraphale.
'Taking kids to the seaside was never this stressful before,' he tells Aziraphale who just nods and finishes off his ice cream. 'Next time we're going to a volcano.'
'Much less stressful,' Aziraphale says mildly. Crowley growls at him and goes to get more ice cream.
At least the line should be better now.
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Carnival Goldfish
For a prompt of ‘Carnival Goldfish’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
Bright colours! Endless music! Screaming children! Overpriced rides/food/everything!
Carnivals were Hell on Earth and Crowley has always been proud of his achievements. But today, today he's not proud or accomplished or even slightly pleased. No he's upset and worried and annoyed as Hell.
He's lost Aziraphale somewhere in this Hellscape and trying to find anyone at a carnival like this is like trying to find a needle in a… what do you find needles in? Needestack? Should be easy to find a needle there.
Crowley got awards for his work on carnivals, he should know how hard it is to find someone. He did this.
'Angel!' he calls, groaning as he spins round in the crowd. 'Aziraphale, where are you?'
The crowd remains stubbornly silent and worse, Aziraphale free. With another complaining groan, Crowley turns back towards the games. Aziraphale had been eyeing off some of them, especially that fish game. Maybe he went back?
Cries ring out from that area, not the cries of someone winning but the angry and outraged noises you get when something's gone wrong.
A crash.
Two crashes.
More yelling.
Crowley picks up the pace.
Then the crowd starts to split, like the sea before Moses, and Aziraphale appears. He is a little wide eyed and actually running, something Crowley has only seen him do on a handful of occasions.
He's also carrying a fish tank full of goldfish, all looking up at him with their own, fishy wide eyes and some of the usual adoration animals have around Aziraphale.
'What did you do angel?' Crowley whispers to himself as the angel approaches.
Aziraphale doesn't slow as he passes Crowley so Crowley just falls into step with him, grabbing one corner of the tank and making them seem less noticeable. They still have to outrun the lot behind them, but once they're out of sight, it'll be impossible for anyone to get them in sight.
'Why?' Crowley asks as they slip into an empty barn stall. A cow takes up a place at the barn door, after looking at Aziraphale.
Aziraphale looks over the fish, too many crammed into a too small tank. He looks back at Crowley and raises an eyebrow.
'Okay yes, but why did you take them?'
'They're sad,' Aziraphale says, running a hand along the tank and making several fish flip around in joy. 'And I saw some of the people that were lining up to win them so…'
'You stole the tank.'
'I stole the tank,' Aziraphale says with pride.
Crowley beams at his impossible angel - haystack! That's what needles are found in, though why do people even lose them in haystacks? - before looking down at the fish.
'So release or rehome?'
'Rehome,' Aziraphale says, picking up the tank. 'Ready to get out of here?'
Grinning, Crowley grabs at the tank. 'Lead on, angel.'
#good omens#ineffable husbands#My Scribbles#mayfishtion#you will pry my headcanon that Aziraphale is a disney princess with animals out of my cold#dead#hands
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Fish out of Water
For a prompt of ‘Fish out of Water’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
Aziraphale sits, curled in the corner of the room, slipping at champagne he's not really enjoying. His eyes are glued to the middle of the room where his demon is leading a small army of children in what has to be the most bizarre dance Aziraphale has ever seen. There's a lot more hip swinging than he's used to.
Oh a new song. What on Earth is a nut bush?
Again the children scream with delight and Adam and Pepper start showing Crowley the steps. A few of the younger adults join in, including the bride and her reluctant groom, though Newt has been staring at Anathema with such bright eyes, Aziraphale is sure she could talk him into anything.
And then there's Aziraphale. Sitting on the edge, unused to parties like this and feeling more and more like he's stumbled somewhere he's not supposed to be.
A regular old fish out of water he is, watching what he's not allowed to have even now he's free of Heaven's eyes.
'Angel!' Crowley cries, bouncing over to him.
Aziraphale starts a little, spilling some of his drink. 'Crowley?'
'Come dance! You'll love this one, it's all bouncy.' Crowley turns towards the DJ. 'Oi, play that again for the angel here!'
A nod from Anathema has the song restarting, to the children's delight (and Newt's obvious sigh).
'Oh but Crowley, I can't…' Aziraphale says as he is dragged up and towards the dance floor.
Crowley stops. 'Is this an 'I can't because it hurts', an 'I can't because I don't want to' or an 'I can't because Heaven is full of arseholes and angels don't dance'?'
Aziraphale sighs. 'The last,' he says, mindful of his vow to never lie to Crowley.
Crowley, who had not needed to make sure a vow but had anyway, sighs. 'Angel I love you-'
'And I you.'
'- and you deserve to dance.'
They make it to the dancefloor, the children lining up around him.
'Follow Pepper!' Crowley cries as the music starts and Aziraphale blinks and starts to stumble along.
It's not a hard dance, bar one or two of the moves, and like the gavotte it is bouncy and somewhat fun.
It's even more fun when Crowley moves to stand beside him, taking his hand while calling out the moves. They stumble over another a little, but Aziraphale is laughing and smiling, no longer a fish out of water, but one of the school.
And with his dear Crowley, who ends the dance with a kiss on his cheek and an offer to dance the next one together.
Aziraphale accepts both. And steals a kiss of his own. This party is actually quite fun.
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May Flash Fishtion - Aziraphale/Crowley: Oysters
For a prompt of ‘Oysters’ from the May Flash Fishtion! Please feel free to send me any prompts. More of my fics here.
‘I must say this wasn’t what I had in mind when you said we were going to get oysters,’ Crowley mutters.
Knee deep in seawater, Aziraphale looks up with a smile. ‘Ah, but doing it the human way is half the fun!’
Crowley raises an eyebrow and checks their bucket, still empty of oysters. So far every one Aziraphale has found has been too small or ‘oh it’s sick poor thing, healthing miracle and there you go,’ and none at all suitable to pick and take home.
Well, back to their little house, hired for the week. Can’t pick wild oysters in the UK - at least not legally - without much more work than even Aziraphale is willing to do to follow the law. But there are other nations that do allow it so a quick cross continent miracle and a lot of cash has them on this Australian seaside instead.
It is, Crowley will admit, a lot warmer here than the UK despite being the middle of actual winter. His snakey brain is pleased with the sunlight.
It is not, however, impressed by being in this water - warm as it is compared to the outside temperature - and failing to find oysters.
‘Come on angel! Just take one! There has to be a single oyster in this bed that’s worth having.’
Aziraphale looks over the seabed, biting at his lip, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the hammer. He leans down towards one, wide eyes as he goes to strike-
And then he stands up. ‘Fiddlesticks,’ he says, looking at Crowley with those wide eyes. ‘I know I eat them but…’
Smiling, Crowley wanders over. ‘Can’t actually do the deed?’
‘They won’t die from this,’ Aziraphale admits. ‘We’re supposed to collect them alive.’
Crowley looks at the row of oysters, then at his angel, then back at the oysters. He fishes out his phone. ‘There’s a restaurant with five star reviews on the other side of the harbour, does good oysters…’ he tempts.
Aziraphale drops his little hammer in the bucket. ‘Sounds perfect my dear! Will we have time to clean up before our reservation?’
‘Yeah,’ Crowley mutters as they walk out of the water and grab the miraculously sand free fluffy towels waiting for them. ‘Should be just enough time.’ He throws his towel around Aziraphale, who does the same, bundling him up tightly.
‘Then temptation accomplished!’ Aziraphale cries and kisses Crowley on the cheek. ‘Lead the way.’
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