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#mat barzal x gn!reader
matthewkniesys · 11 months
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best - mat barzal
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summary: you treated him like shit but he still stuck around. you fucked it up and mat deserves so much better than you. you never were the best to him.
a/n: so this is set during mat's second year in the nhl. it's a fic based on the song best by gracie abrams and it's the first fic for my good riddance fic series. i strongly recommend listening to the song before or during reading but you don't have to. i'm very happy with how this turned out and i hope yall like it 🫶
pairing: mat barzal x gn!reader
warnings: swearing and very angsty
good riddance fic series
It was exactly like you to go and fuck it all up. To get bored and not want to try anymore. To just stop putting in the effort. You stopped caring enough to put any work into your relationship with Mat Barzal and because of that you lost the best person in my life.
You and Mat started dating in your senior year of highschool and it was fun. But that’s all it was to you. You never wanted more. You couldn’t see your relationship going past highschool, but Mat did. 
You both graduated and he was moving away from Seattle, where he had been playing for the Thunderbirds, to New York. He made the big leagues and you were really  proud of him. But then he asked you to come with him. You didn’t want to break his heart right before all his dreams were coming true and you just didn’t know how to tell someone who was fucking asking you to move into a whole other city with them no. So you said yes.
You and Mat made it 2 years in New York before everything imploded. 
And that’s not to say that during those 2 years you both were always happy. Actually it was kinda far from it. You were constantly grating on each other's nerves and you began to resent him. Afterall he was the only reason you were in this dumb city you didn’t want to be in anyways. But Mat, the amazing person he is, was always trying to fix everything. To make sure you were happy. That’s all he ever wanted for you.
You stayed because it was comfortable and that’s probably why Mat stayed too.You didn’t have to try. Mat loved you so much that he ignored the fact you were hurting him so much. And by the end you knew you were hurting him too. You just didn’t know what to do about it.
The night that everything went up in flames had been in the making for awhile. For the past 2 weeks before that you and Mat had constantly been at each other's throats. Making passive aggressive remarks, not speaking much but still just trying not to push it too far that it teeters over the edge.
That night Mat walks into the house from a late game. He’s already agitated because the game went horribly. Well at least according to twitter. You didn’t actually watch the game cause you couldn’t care less.
“Hey y/n. Did you watch the game?”
You look up and, “Nope, I don’t really care,” Is all you respond with, going back to reading the book on your lap. After a few seconds you realize Mat is still standing in the same spot just looking at you. He looks…incredulos.
“Are you kidding? You don’t care? I care and that should be enough to make you care. I’m your fucking boyfriend, y/n. All I ever try and do is make you happy but you never fucking try at all. I’m constantly there for you. I’m the best to you. You treat me like shit but the second you need me I'm there. You shut yourself off from people and the world and I still try to stay. I want to be a part of your life so bad. I want to be more to you than just some guy to you, because to me you are everything. Or you were. I don’t know anymore. ”
You sit there baffled, not knowing what to say. You sit in silence cause you aren’t ready to admit that you know he’s right. You’ve never treated Mat the way he deserves. He’s always loved you in this all consuming way and it was never more than a strong liking for you. You’ve grown to resent him for something that isn’t his fault, it’s yours. It’s not right to keep fucking with him, to keep playing with his feelings. You need to be a grown adult and leave something that isn’t right. If you stay you’ll keep hurting him, and in turn hurting yourself.
Taking a deep breath, you draw your gaze Mat. The amazing person who has never done anything but give you unconditional love, while you hurt him over and over again. 
“Mat, we both know what needs to happen now.”
That night no other words were exchanged between you two. You started packing up and Mat went to stay at a teammates house. It was always gonna end like this. You knew it but still stuck around. You knew you would never say yes and marry him but you never left. You let him hope and you fucked with his feelings. Even you can’t make sense of why you did that.
You fell into a deep sleep that night. Your body was worn through and even though there were a hundred different thoughts spinning in your head you still couldn’t stop the exhaustion from seeping in.
You woke up the next morning disoriented. Last night your whole world had shifted on its axis. You’re sad that what was between you and Mat was over but you had never truly loved him so it didn’t hurt nearly as much as you know it hurt Mat. Whoever Mat chooses in the end is going to be really lucky. It just won’t be you. It wasn’t right.
You grab your phone from your night stand and check your notifications. One makes you pause. Mat unfollowed you on instagram last night. You’re in shock for a minute. It hurt. It made everything feel final and you guessed it was. Mat was ready to be rid of you and that was fair. He needed to move on in his life. Find his forever people, but it didn’t mean him unfollowing you hurt any less.
Everything came crashing down after that. It really hit you. Mat wasn’t gonna be a part of your life anymore. For the last 2 years you had been so caught up in your resentment towards Mat, you had never once thought about his. At some point he had probably started to hate you for how you treated him and that was completely valid. He was the worst of your crimes. You had never treated anyone the way you’ve treated him the last couple of years.
You open your messages glad to see that Mat hasn’t yet blocked your number. You text him a simple I’m sorry. You aren’t trying to get back with him. You don’t love him and that’s just a fact that will never change. You just want him to know that you genuinely feel terrible about what you did. You would tell him in person but you don’t think he wants to see you. You respect that. If he had just spent 2 years leading you on, you never would want to see him again.
You shower and get ready for the day, feeling numb. It’s funny, cause even though you didn’t love him you’re hurting. You feel guilty and you just lost someone who regardless of how you feel about, you cared for. That much was true. You did care for Mat. Maybe more than he would ever know.
It’s been 20 minutes and when you check back on your phone, you see that Mat’s read your text. He didn’t respond but you never thought he would. You send him another text saying you’ll be moved out in a day. He just replies okay. 
You feel a little lonely without Mat around the next few days. You move out of his apartment without seeing him and you’re temporarily crashing at a friends. There’s a little hole in your chest that used to be filled up by Mat. You might not have loved him but his companionship was nice.
You haven’t thought about much the last few days, other than how you treated your ex-boyfriend the last few years.You mostly just feel a lot of regret. He was so good to you and you just weren’t. You hurt him beyond measure and you’ll never forgive yourself for that. It was never your intention. You’ll be okay but it might take awhile. You aren’t struggling to get over Mat. You’re struggling to get over what you did to him. You never were the best to him and that is what hurts you the most.
thanks for reading 🫶
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heartmix · 1 year
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Sickness - Mat Barzal
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Pairing: Mathew Barzal x gn!reader
Word Count: 1k+
A/N: I am still in mourning over the haircut, but at the same time it is so funny. Also not really proofread
*Christmas Prompt - Sick*
Masterlist / Hockey Masterlist
This was not how you planned your December going. December was supposed to be filled with Christmas activities and playing in the snow. Your body however had different plans for you. That involved you stuck to your bed all day, maybe a week. The only upside was that you could watch as many Christmas movies as you wanted, it's not like you had a choice anyways.
Being sick was miserable. The runny nose, itchy throat that you had to cough every second to feel some sort of relief, the headaches being unbearable. Your current best friends were a bottle of Advil and Vicks. It got to a point where you had to wear a mask to sleep because the cold air was bothering your nose.
When Matt noticed you haven't texted him in a few days or even gone to a game during the week he knew something was up. You would text him constantly and he should have noticed on the second day when you didn't text back, but he was so wrapped up with the games he didn't bother to check.
So when he saw the Uber eats notification on his phone, from sharing accounts, of course, he knew right away you weren't feeling the best. You would never order medicine online and you'd never buy soup, your mother had a fantastic soup recipe that you perfected.
He was determined to make you feel better. He felt guilty for not noticing something sooner. He rushed out of practice faster than normal just so he can meet the Uber eats guy before he could reach your front door. His teammates gave him all weird looks, but they let it go knowing they can get something out of Anthony in a few hours.
While Matt was rushing hoping time will go slower so he can surprise you, you sat in bed hoping time would speed. You would like your medicine and soup asap to hopefully make you less miserable. After thinking it would never come you heard a knock at your door. You groaned at the thought of getting out of bed, but moaned at the thought of the best soup and medicine money could buy. Opening the door you did not expect a 6-foot hockey player to be delivering your order.
"Mat..." you gave a small smile followed by a coughing fit. You quickly shut the door to avoid coughing on him.
"It's a bit rude to shut the door on the person who has your soup." He said through the door with a playful tone making you chuckle.
"It would be rude to cough on the hockey player who is currently in season." You defended opening back up the door to a goofy smile on Mat's face.
"How kind of you. Too bad you can't get rid of me that easily." He said pushing through you to get inside your apartment.
"Mat leave. I'm sick and I will literally kill myself if you get sick and miss a game." You groaned taking a step back each time he tried to take on to you.
"You're so dramatic. You should have called me earlier. I would have brought you whatever you needed." He grumbled.
"I will lock myself in my bedroom if you don't leave." You threatened with your voice cracking. This conversation was the most you spoke all week.
"No, you won't. I got your medicine and soup." He said holding up the bag filled with your saving graces.
He was just as stubborn as you and you knew that he wouldn't leave on his own. You slowly grabbed the bag from his hands with a reassuring smile. Before he could make any move toward you, you made a beeline for your bedroom door and locked it as fast as you can.
"You're being childish!" He yelled from the door although he didn't need to. You could hear him just fine.
"You're being stupid Barzy! You have a game tomorrow. You can't afford to get sick." You tried to yell as loud as you can, which sounded like your normal talking voice.
"Two can play that game. I'm gonna sit outside your door till you open up." He said and you heard him sink down to the floor. 
He somehow became more stubborn and stupid. You thought he would up and leave in half an hour tops, but you were so wrong. It's been almost two hours and he was still here. He's been here so long that you've gotten texts from mostly everyone from the islander's locker room. Anthony probably opened his big mouth. Your soup was long gone and your medicine was working, you could barely keep your eyes open. The only thing stopping you was his voice talking about yesterday's win over the Blackhawks.
"Barzy." Your voice was soft and hoarse but he could still hear it clear as day.
"What's the matter?" His voice matches your soft tone compared to the normal voice he was just using a minute ago.
"I need water."
"Well, you need to open the door for that." He pointed out making me groan.
"If I give you a hug can you get me water and leave." You asked hopefully the offer would work.
"That's a hard bargain." He sounded like he was really contemplating the offer.
"I'm going to fall asleep on you. I'll watch your game tomorrow and even change into your jersey even though my shirt is more comfortable. Please." You begged. He could tell you were tired and was surprised you were still awake after taking your medicine.
"Okay. I got you water already. Open up."
Opening up the door he was met with your tired body and also you in a sweater and mask. It was a sight to see and he couldn't help but chuckle. He handed you the water which you threw on your bed. You turned back to him to see he had his arms open waiting for you. A promise is a promise. As much as you didn't want to embrace him, this is the best you'd felt in days.
"I'll come over after tomorrow's game. We have the next day off. You'll let me stay right." He asked which you nodded at.
"You're sleeping on the couch." You mumbled into his chest making him chuckle.
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𝘈𝘴 𝘐𝘵 𝘞𝘢𝘴
Mathew Barzal x GN!Reader 
TW: Talks of depression. Talk of break up. Angst.
Word Count: 2.3k
The reader and Mat break up. Y/N starts going through a depression and hits a couple of rough patches, they start to withdraw from friends and family. Their friends start to notice, and try to talk to them but get no response. They decide to get Mat to try.
    Dealing with depression is different for everyone. For some people, it may be just a wave of sadness that comes and goes, but for others it may be a dark cloud that constantly follows them around, hanging over their heads with every little move, and if you’re lucky enough you may not even know what depression is. For you, on the other hand, you were pretty well acquainted with depression, from the age of 13 you had been dealing with it, or as some people would say, battling it. At first, it was just a wave of sadness, you would have no motivation to do anything except lay in bed and sleep. You would go multiple days without showering, and maybe even eating. Then it turned into more, instead of just feeling that wave of sadness every so often, it turned into feeling that sadness every day. It would never leave you alone. At the time you didn’t know it was depression, I mean you were only 15, you just thought you were going through a phase, you thought maybe it was just hormones. 
    As time went on, and you got older, you decided to go to a therapist to see if they could help, that’s when you were diagnosed with depression. They gave you pills, telling you to take them every day and they’ll help you, they promised they’d help you. Instead, they made you feel worse, you practically turned into the walking dead. Some days you stayed in bed and were forced to call out of work, sick, other days you pulled yourself out and went to work anyway, these bills weren’t going to pay themselves. No matter what doctor you saw, or therapist you went to there would always be that pit in the bottom of your stomach, or a thought in the back of your mind that made you rethink every decision you made. You learned to live with it, time went on and it became a familiar feeling, that would never leave you. 
    That led you to where you were now. Sitting on the floor in your kitchen, tears running down your cheeks and your phone in your hand. Mental breakdowns were a frequent thing you had when dealing with your depression. You had highs and you had lows, and sometimes your lows ended up with you breaking down. Your depression had gotten worse this week, with the upcoming finals and the pressure of having to choose your special, you were going through a tough time. Not to mention you had also just gone through a breakup with your two-year partner, Mathew Barzal. 
    Your breakup was bad. You had forced yourself to push him away, to end things before they had gotten any worse, but in all honesty, you just wanted what was best for him, he needed better than you. No matter how many times he had tried to tell you he didn’t want anyone other than you, or he always wanted to marry you, it was a lie. In the end, he would leave you for somebody else, somebody who wasn’t depressed and didn’t have mental problems and you would rather that happen now than later in life when you have a family. You told him you never wanted to talk to him again, that you would never contact him again. You held up your end of the deal pretty well, it's been 3 weeks since this happened but, you just missed him. 
    Your thoughts were interrupted when the phone in your hand started ringing, it was your friend. They had been bugging you for the last week for you to come out to a bar or to a club to meet some of their new guy friends. You couldn’t leave your house, let alone your bed for that matter. You tried to explain to them that your depression had been worse this week, but you wanted to make it sound less depressing as you didn’t want them to know how bad it had been for you. It was working, or so you thought but it turns out they saw right through your lies. They knew it had to do with your breakup, that’s what sent you spiraling, seeing as it only happened a week ago and that’s how long it's been this bad. 
   You sighed, pressing the accept button and bringing the phone up to your ear, “Hello?” You say, attempting not to sound like you’ve been crying on your kitchen floor for the past hour.
   “Y/N! I was calling to see if you wanted to come out to the bar on 12th street tonight, a bunch of the people from my dorm is here and I want you to meet a few of them!” Your friend says you could tell they were a little tipsy, the slurring in their voice, and the sounds of the loud thumping music coming from the bar gave off that vibe. 
   You chuckle lightly, “Ugh, I wish I could tonight but I’m studying, I’ve got that biology exam tomorrow you know?”, you quickly come up with a lie as you play with the string on your pants. You felt bad, you shouldn’t be treating them this badly, but you can’t help it. It was better to hurt them now than later in life. 
  “Y/N, It's been so long since you’ve come out with me, promise that you’ll come out to the bar with me after your exams?” They say. You could tell they were making sad, puppy dog eyes through the phone.
   You close your eyes, leaning back and resting your head against the cabinet behind you, “I promise, we’ll go out next week and drink until we get blackout drunk.”
   Your friend squeals loudly, causing you to pull the phone away from your ear, saying a quick, “Thank you!!”, before hanging up.
   As you stared down at the numbers on your phone, reading 12:34 am, you began to wonder what Mat was doing. Was he with his new girlfriend? Was he hanging out with Anthony? Or was he living it up in whatever state the team was playing in today? You often wondered if he had found somebody else. Sometimes you’d stalk his Instagram, hoping one day he’d post her, though that day still hasn’t come. It was pathetic the fact that you sat around, waiting for him to post her but, at the same time, you figured it was just a common thing for exes to do. 
   After a few minutes, you began to drift off to sleep, not even realizing you were still on the floor of your kitchen as you continued to fall asleep. You were awoken by the sound of somebody knocking on your door, you shook your head slightly before tapping the screen of your phone looking to see the time. It read 2:47 am, you began to worry about the fact that somebody was pounding on your door at almost three am. You quietly get up and begin to walk to the door, trying to remain as quiet as possible you look through the peephole, only to discover the man you were just wondering about hours before, Mathew. 
   Your heart was in your throat, and the pit in your stomach had reappeared. What was he doing here? The last time you spoke to him, you told him you would never speak to him again, nor would you contact him. Yet here he is on your front doorstep? As you reach forward to open the door, you hear a quiet sigh leave his mouth as he begins to speak. 
   “Y/N, I don’t know if you can hear me and I know you said you wouldn’t talk to me again but, your friend called me. They're worried about you, and they told me what's been going on. I need you to open the door, we need to talk and I don’t want to do this while standing in the hallway of your apartment where all of your neighbors can hear me.” He says, looking around at all of the apartment doors that surrounded you. 
   You let out a deep breath before unlocking the door. He looks up at you slightly shocked, he didn't think you would open it, to be honest. His facial expression quickly shifted from being shocked to concern. You looked pale and fragile. He didn’t say it out loud, he knew better than that so he kept it to himself. As you pushed the door open, not saying a word, he steps inside, looking around your apartment as he does. It didn't look different one bit, except it was slightly messier than the last time he was here, which wasn't long ago only about three weeks. 
   You lock your door back before turning around, walking back to your kitchen, and sitting back down on the floor. Mathew didn’t question it, he didn't question most of the things you did as he knew there was some reason or comfort behind it, who was he to judge somebody for that?
   He silently sat down beside you, before clearing his throat, “I know we didn't end on the best of terms but that doesn't mean I don't care about your well-being. I know it's cheesy and whenever couples break up they always say that to one another but I mean it. You were my life for two years and it fucking pains me to learn from your friend what you've been going through. I know you went through it when we were together but It wasn't as bad as what they told me…they told me you've been pulling away from everyone…That's not like you and I know that. I knew that right when they told me what you were going through. I remember what you told me when we first started dating, you told me that there would be times when you would pull yourself away from everyone and you would dig yourself into a hole where you ignored everyone and everything. When you told me that I made sure I did everything in my power to make sure you would never go through that again and I’m here to pull you out of that hole, I’m not letting you go through that again. Not on my watch.” Mathew says, tears forming in his eyes as he watches you. He was waiting for your reaction, he didn't know if it would be good or bad but, he didn't care. There was nothing you could do to make him leave. He was staying. 
   You look up at him with tears in your eyes, “Matty…” you go to say as your voice cracks. He quickly pulls you into his side, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on top of your head, as you bury your head into his chest. You couldn’t lie, you missed him, and he understood what you were going through, like he said, you were pushing others away and digging yourself a hole where you would eventually stay in forever. You didn’t want that, but you felt like you would never be able to stop that from happening. You never pictured yourself living past a certain age, nor did you ever picture yourself with a husband and kids. But, you always wanted to have that. You wanted to have that picture-perfect family, and you weren't going to lie to yourself, you wanted that with Mat. 
   You continued to cry into his chest, as the minutes went by he listened to your breathing slow, and your heart rate returned to normal. You had fallen asleep, he didn't mind though, he could tell you were exhausted just by the way you looked at him when he first walked into your apartment, but the bags under your eyes gave it away the most. 
   As he sat there for a few more minutes contemplating what he was going to do, he finally decided he was going to pick you up and take you into your room, so that's what he did. He tried lifting you as quietly as he could, almost tripping on a few things that were laying around the house, as he walked into your room. It was a mess, clothes were all over the room, along with a few cups and plates. He didn't mind, he knew it was a thing that came with depression, you didn't have the energy to get out of bed some days. 
   When he finally lays you down, tucking you in to the bed quietly, he leans over placing a soft kiss on your cheek before he turns around and begins to pick up some of the things lying around your room. As he picks up the clothes lying on your floor he throws the into the washer, he knew you wouldn’t mind, and he knew if you were awake you’d probably be trying to fight him, telling him you could do it yourself and it wasn’t a big deal. But he also knew you would appreciate it, and it would take some of the stress off of your shoulders, and that's all he wanted to do, and what he wanted to do was support you. 
   Even if that's what he would do for the rest of his life, and he wouldn't mind one bit, as long as you were by his side. 
-
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barzysunflower · 2 years
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request: partner being made fun of for something (their weight, their interests, anything really) and barzy being super defensive / protective?? he's such a sweetheart i feel like he would be so protective <3
him being protective of you
mat barzal x gn!reader
word count: 687
tw: swearing, people being mean for no reason
note: (1) my first time mindfully writing for a gender neutral reader so if I made a mistake please lmk!!; (2) based on smth that happened to me lol it wasn’t as dramatic and I didn’t have barzy to protect/comfort me but yeah… don’t be mean to people
You looked good. Amazing actually. You saw Mats grin in the reflection of the mirror. He thought the same thing. "Wow", was all he said before coming up to you, spinning you to face him by your hips, and kissing you deeply. "Wow yourself." The first few buttons of his dress shirt were undone and his pants were just a little too tight, hugging his ass and thighs perfectly. "Ready?" You nodded and grabbed his hand.
The Uber that was taking you to the club was already waiting for you when you got outside. It was Mat's teammates, Noah Dobson, birthday and they were actually able to celebrate since they had a day off from hockey tomorrow. The ride to the city took a little longer than usual due to traffic, but you enjoyed the time you got to spend with Mat. His arm was around you pulling you as close to him as possible, while the other hand touched any part of you that he could.
Obviously you got to skip the long line outside and could feel a lot of eyes on you. Well, they were probably all staring at Mat, but he was the one holding your hand.
"Heey! You made it," Noah yelled when you both entered the private section of the club. "Here, we're doing some shots."
You saw some other team members but there were mostly people you didn't recognize. You accepted the shot glass that was handed to you. "Happy birthday," you said and gave him a quick hug. Mat congratulated him as well with a handshake.
"To Noah," someone yelled and downed their shot. You followed and immediately felt the burn. Vodka was not your friend.
"You ok?" Mat laughed when he saw your face.
"I prefer tequila." He laughed, pressing a kiss to your cheek and leading to the sitting area.
You spent a while talking and drinking with the people around you, before you dragged a few of the girls to the dance floor, since Mat refused. But he quickly changed his mind when he saw you moving to the beats of the music.
"I need some water," you yelled eventually over the loud music. Mat nodded and grabbed your hand to lead you to the bar. It was very busy, so you waited to the side while he got your water.
"Oh my god, move you fat bitch!" A little shocked by what you just overheard you looked around for the person who said it. Then you realized it was directed toward you. A group of girls next to you all looked you up and down judgmentally. "Yeah, I'm talking to you! You're blocking the shot. Move your fat ass out of here."
Just as you opened your mouth to respond, Mat came up from behind to pull you away from them. "What the fuck did you just say to them?"
"Mat, it's fine," you tried to stop him, not wanting to deal with this drama. Obviously you were upset people could be this mean, but you also didn't want to waste your energy on them.
"We're trying to take a picture. She's in the way," one of the girls tried to explain.
"They. And that doesn't give you the right to be rude. Just ask nicely."
"Whatever," she said and walked away. Her friends followed and none of them apologized or even looked apologetic.
"Are you alright?" Mat cupped your face with his hands. You nodded with a small smile on your face.
"Yeah. It's fine, ignore them."
"No! Don't let people talk to you like that."
“I won’t. Just these types of people will never learn. And I want to have a good time tonight, ok?” You reached up to kiss him gently. You had gone through a lot of shit in your life that comments from people like that, while they still hurt, didn’t bother you as much. You lived your life the way you wanted and you were perfectly happy with yourself and were surrounded by people who loved you. Mat let the subject begrudgingly go. “Now let’s get me my water.”
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sorryjustafangirl · 2 years
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defender
a/n: based on this gif which we all, very reasonably, reacted over. i couldn't not write something. i hope you all enjoy!
pairing: Mat Barzal x gn!reader
work count: 1.6k+
warnings: mentions of fighting and i think that's it
disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and real person fiction if you don’t like that, please don’t read! also the gif isn’t mine! all credit to the wonderful gif-maker!
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You had Anthony to thank for your newfound happiness. 
When he found out you worked in New York, he was eager to reconnect and catch up like the old friends you were. You’d told him about your new job, he talked about his position in the Islanders, and you both caught up on the family drama of your shared hometown. When the topic of relationships came up, Beau raved about his partner Amy and was quick to start scheming when you told him you hadn’t been on a date in a while. You protested, but he would not let it go until he had set you up on a date with his best friend. 
“Please, it’s my two best friends. You’ll be a perfect match,” He had said. 
And he was right. From the moment you sat down in that restaurant, it was instant chemistry. Mat had warned you of how intense it could be to be the partner of an NHL player, much less one of the stars of the team like himself. So, he suggested that you keep…whatever was starting between the two of you on the more private side of things. He didn’t want anything to jeopardize what was shaping up to be the best relationship he’d ever had. 
Since your relationship with Mat was fairly new, you opted to sit in the upper bowl with Amy watching your first Battle of New York. It wasn’t the first game of Mat’s you’d seen (but it was the fifth), and you thought you’d seen everything you’d ever see in a game. 
Boy, were you wrong. 
Within the first period alone, there had been more hits than you remember a hockey game having. Reaves had been hanging around your boyfriend the whole period, just mouthing off. You figured it was just typical trash talk, and thus nothing Mat and his big mouth couldn’t handle, but when you saw him yelling from the bench, you got a little bit more nervous. Throughout the rest of the second period, the two of them were rougher, a couple cross-checks that went unseen by the refs, more mouthing off. Tensions were high going into the third period, the game still scoreless. It wasn’t until Bailey scored that it turned to something more. 
The Islanders were deep in the Rangers zone and had been for more than a couple minutes, trying to cement their lead. Reaves had matched up next to Mat and as soon as the puck dropped, the gloves did too. 
They were circling each other, their hands circled tight in fists. From your seats you couldn’t see much, so you focused on the jumbotron. Reaves made the first move, grabbing him by the jersey and throwing a right hook. Mat went down on one knee but wrapped his arms around Reaves and hoisted himself back on his feet. He threw a few blind punches, one of them connecting with the helmet. They exchanged a few more punches with each other before Mat lost his footing and they both went down, the refs finally stepping to break them apart. They were both headed to the box, blood dripping from Mat’s face. You looked onto the ice and saw the faintest red marks where there shouldn’t be red, and you felt your stomach churn a little. 
“Whoof, well, I’m sure you two will have fun tonight,” Amy lightly laughed, trying to get your focus back from what had just happened on the ice. You nodded along to her words, thoughtlessly, as your eyes were trained on your boyfriend’s blood on the ice. It felt like no time had passed before the final buzzer rang, resulting in a 1-0 win for the Islanders. Amy led you down to the parking garage and made small talk with you, even though your responses were limited to one word answers with the amount of worry running through your mind. You’d never seen Mat so angry or intense in any of his games. 
Beau came out of the arena and into the underground parking, first greeting Amy before turning to you. You didn’t have to ask before he answered the only question that had been in your head since the fight. 
“He’s okay. He’ll be out in a while.” 
You let out a sigh of relief and swallowed the lump in your throat. “What…Do you know why he got so worked up tonight?” 
“I don’t think you want to know,” He said quietly. 
“Beau, please. I don’t know how to help him if…if I don’t know why he reacted like that.” 
He sighed. “All I heard was something about ‘manning up’. What Reaves said at the circle that really set him off, I don’t know. I didn’t hear that part.”
“Thank you. Have a good night you two,” you told them, once they saw Mat come out into the parking garage and they went to Anthony’s car. Once he got closer, you saw he had a cut above his eyebrow and his knuckles were split. You held your hand out and he took it in his, squeezing it a tad. You walked over to his car, silently getting into the passenger seat. The drive back to his place was quiet, only the sound of lo-fi beats playing in the background breaking it. 
When you got back to his place, you silently dragged him to the bathroom. You told him to sit on the toilet while you rummaged under his sink to find some first aid supplies. The antiseptic, the band-aids, the butterfly clips, the cotton gauze, everything you thought you might need was placed on the counter. 
You met Mat’s eyes through the mirror, and got a good look at the bruising forming around his eye. You took one of the gauze pieces and put the antiseptic on it, walking over to stand between his legs as you wiped away the dried blood. 
“What did he say that got you so worked up?” You asked, after he hissed one particular contact after his cut.
“Nothing.”
You took the wipe off his eyebrow, looking him in the eyes. “I don’t think it’s nothing if I’m bandaging you up.” 
“Fine, it was something. Just not something I want to repeat.”
“Tell me what he said.” Immediately, he was shaking his head and you pulled away from him, stopping your actions. You sighed. “Mat, I know that this,” you gestured between the two of your bodies. “is new, but you..can tell me stuff. We’re a team, I don't want you to have to hold this burden all on your own.”
He takes a few deep breaths as you continue to look at him. He looks down at his hands, his fingers rubbing over the now bruising skin. 
“At first it was just typical trash talk. Saying how like I wasn’t living up to the star they kept saying I am. But then he started to mention stuff about…” He took a deep breath, and you traced over his knuckles before intertwining your fingers with his. “Then he said stuff about you. How I only showed glimpses of you on Instagram. How I wouldn’t man up and actually commit to a relationship. Because if I did, if I showed you off, someone else would come and sweep you away. I shook it off because we were winning but then… he called you ‘my dirty little secret’. And I don’t know I just- I just snapped. He said that and I just saw red. It was like I couldn’t help it and my hands moved before my body.” 
You dropped his hand and felt tears start to well in your eyes a little bit because he just… he defended you. He defended this relationship. Without thought, it was his instinct to fight for you, to defend you and your relationship. Even though you’d only been seeing each other for a little while, he believed enough in what you two were, to defend you against someone who barely even knew him. 
He saw the tears well in your eyes and immediately leaned back, his heart dropping. He’d heard from Beau that you didn’t like fighting – something in your past – and he’d heard from his mom that the fighting he so rarely engaged in was scary. The last thing he ever wanted to do was scare you. 
“I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to make you scared of me,” He mumbled, but before he could elaborate on that, you had barrelled into him, your arms tight around him. You heard the gasp leave him, before his arms were wrapped around you just as tightly. 
“You defended me, Mat. Defended us. I-I could never be scared of you when you–you didn’t have to do that but you did. I— thank you.”
“Of course I was going to defend you.” He pulled back and ran a hand over the back of your head. “I couldn’t not do that, we’re a team, remember? I wasn’t going to let him get away with such bullshit. You’re… you’re way too important to me to let things like that slide.”
“You’re really important to me too. Typically, boyfriends are really important.”
He lifted his eyebrows and a smirk came across his face. “Boyfriend, eh?” 
“If you want to be,” you said, biting your lip.
“Oh hell yeah, I want to be,” he said, pulling you in for a kiss. “I’ll try to be the best boyfriend too.”
“You already are. No one else could sweep me away.” You brushed a stray hair out of his face. “You defended me against someone you didn’t have to, you comfort me when I need it, and you make me laugh all the time. You are enough and I want you, and no one else, to be my boyfriend.”
“How did I get so lucky?” His thumb brushed your cheek, and you smiled into him, pressing a kiss to the inside of his palm. 
“I think I’m the lucky one. Now, can I finish patching you up or am I just going to have this band aid in my hand forever?” 
taglist (join here): @heatherawoowoo @4ambagelbites @tysonjost-taylorsversion @2manytabsopen @stars-canucks @lorrmorr @fallinallincurls @plds2000 @barzysandhughesbaby @yummygoldenfood @drei-mrssvechii @bananarantanen @pulpfixion
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fear-of-flyers · 2 years
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Forever With You
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Mat Barzal x gn!reader
Word Count: 882
Warnings: Mat cries (but like happy tears).
Mat knew he wanted to propose to you. He had always kind of wanted to propose to someone on the ice before a game. He knew it wasn’t for everyone and obviously wouldn’t do it if it was something they weren’t comfortable with. Early in your relationship he had expressed this after a night out after a big win. You had laughed along but knew that the two of you weren’t ready for that step and that you didn’t want something so big as a surprise.
It was now 4 years later. Mat was thriving in the NHL and the two of you were happier than ever and ready for the next step of marriage. Mat hadn’t thought about proposing on the ice more than passively and was looking forward to whatever did happen but you hadn’t forgotten. The only issue you had with surprise proposals is if you were to be surprised, but if you proposed to Mat it would solve the problem. With that you started working on a plan. You coordinated with Anders, Beau, the training/coaching/media staff and the rest of the team to make sure everything was perfect.
Finally the night was there. It was a home game against the Avs, a happy coincidence because it meant that Tyson could be there, and Mat was under the impression that he would be doing a special puck drop. The carpet was rolled out and Mat skated over, meeting Gabe Landeskog in the center, still a bit confused about what the whole thing was. Gabe knew what was happening and if Mat had looked around he would’ve seen his teammates (and Tyson) bouncing around excitedly.
Then, after what seemed like forever for you the announcer started talking.
“Today’s ceremonial puck drop honors a player on this ice right now.”
That confused Mat even more, he wasn’t aware of any recent milestones reached that hadn’t already been celebrated. He looked around for an answer but couldn’t find one, turning back around when the announcement started again.
“The player in question is number 13 for your New York Islanders, Mathew Barzal and now, to drop the puck, we invite his partner Y/n to come forward.”
Mat’s jaw dropped, he was confused, you were walking out and no one could answer anything. He turns his questioning gaze towards you and you shrug, a smile evident on your face. There is a mic attached to your collar, wired to UBS’s speaker system, but it doesn’t pick up the “Good luck” Gabe whispers your way as you reach the end of the carpet. You smile towards Gabe, mouthing a ‘thank you’ before hugging Mat. “What’s happening?” he whispers into your shoulder. “You’ll see” You respond before pulling back to start your speech.
“Mathew Barzal. You have made my life so much better than I ever imagined it being, you have been there for me since day one and have brought so many wonderful adventures to my life. I couldn’t see being here without you today. You have been the best friend and boyfriend that anyone could ask for and I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.”
At that you got down on one knee, pulling the ring out of your pocket as a collective gasp rose from the people around you.
“I didn’t forget 2 years ago when you said that you’d always dreamed of proposing at a game but here I am beating you to it. Mathew Michael Paul Barzal, will you marry me?”
When you finished Mat sunk to his knees pulling you towards him and into a kiss, eyes shining.
“Of course I’ll marry you Y/n” he says now crying freely. You smile up at him and pull the ring out of the box, slipping it onto his finger. You kiss again before the crowd around you pulls you from your bubble. Once you stand up again Mat’s teammates swarm the two of you, congratulations thrown from all directions.
Finally the commotion calmed down and you hugged Beau and Anders, thanking them for their help. “You guys KNEW???” Mat yelled hearing your thanks. They nodded, smiling and rolling their eyes at Mat’s shock. “Yeah we knew,” Anders said, “I think most of the team did.” Mat looks around, shocked they all kept the secret before turning his attention back to you unable to believe how lucky he is.
Then it finally comes time for the game to actually start. You wish the boys luck and although the mic had been turned off once Mat said yes, you finally handed it to one of the staff escorting you. With that done you made your way up to the suite that held your parents and sibling(s) as well as Mat’s family. On the way you stop in to say hi to the other partners, giving more hugs than you could imagine, immensely grateful for the family you had made through the team.
The game, of course, was amazing. The Isles won 6-2, Mat getting a hattrick, pointing up to you after each goal. Everyone got a laugh out of his on-ice reaction to your families being there and after you all went out for dinner to celebrate. All in all, Mat couldn’t believe how lucky he was.
Bonus Little Edit
yourusername
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Liked by titobeauvi91, mattymarts17 and 23,472 others
yourusername literally the only pic i have from tonight, here’s to forever with you love ❤️
tagged @barzal97
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josty17 ayyyy congrats you two!
islesfan23 omg!!! you are so cute!
barzal97 couldn’t be happier. ❤️
barzal97
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Liked by ny_islanders, pagertrain and 64,291 others
barzal97 you beat me to the proposal but i think i win in the end because i get life with you. @yourusername
view all 1,203 comments
ny_islanders and we got to watch it live! congrats!
yourusername let’s call it a tie <3
titobeauvi91 ew that caption mat (jkjk 😂 congrats)
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drei-mrssvechii · 2 years
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late night drives - mat barzal
pairing: mat barzal x gn!reader
word count: 520
a/n: feedback, and comments are highly appreciated. inbox and dms always open
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It was nearly 11 p.m. when Mat sent an unexpected message telling you to come down since he was waiting for you in his car. You were utterly confused and tried to make him confess what he had in mind but, Mat kept his mouth shut until you arrived at McDonald's drive-thru. You were now driving in the city while eating fries and music in the background. Yes, it was a cliché scenario. Nonetheless, you were enjoying it.
It was the feeling of fresh air and having Mat next to you that helped to put aside the overwhelming week that had just finished, your thoughts were quickly left behind as soon as you hopped in the car, setting your focus on appreciating little but meaningful moments like these with Mat.
“Oh my God” His voice interrupted your thoughts
“What?” You looked away from the window and glanced his way, trying to get a clue of what he was talking about
“My song” He grinned to which you only rolled your eyes playfully, understanding now what he meant. What started as a random drive through the city would end with sore throats for both of you.
“Oh, please don’t” This was a scene you had witnessed too many times than you would’ve liked. Mat loved to sing even if he wasn’t so good at it. So instead of acknowledging your pleas, he turned up the volume of that song you had heard many times now.
As soon as Justin Bieber’s songs started playing, Mat would be in the mood to sing, dance, or just hum to them. So here you were again, listening to his off-tune voice trying to do the characteristic “oh woah - oh woah” to start the song.
“Please, not again, Mat” He looked briefly in your way, the simple act of making eye contact causing you to laugh.
“You know you love me, I know you care” As he was driving he couldn’t dance, something he would do for sure in another situation, instead Mat started moving his head along the rhythm.
He wasn’t a good singer but seeing him enjoy it was a cute scenario for you, so just when he hit the chorus you started recording the scene with your phone.
“Baby, baby, baby, oh. Like baby, baby, baby, no.” You tried not to laugh but did it anyway. A few hours before, your studies were all you could think of but now? Now you were having the best time of your life with Mat by your side.
“I did it well, right?”
“Oh, definitely, no doubt you did” Well, maybe there was a teeny bit of sarcasm in your voice. “I'm uploading this to Instagram” He knew trying to stop you from it would lead to nothing, you'd do it anyway so without any further fight the video was uploaded while Mat browsed for another song he could sing.
"It's your turn, what do you want to sing?"
You would definitely regret it later when you had a sore throat but fuck it, you were just going to enjoy this for a little while.
-
taglist: @stars-canucks @ssebastianaho @beauvertime @hockey-racing-fubol @owenpowerstapejob @boeswhore @this-is-ally-and-im-confused @barzyblogbabe @fallinallincurls @kailyn-writes @quietblues @barzysandhughesbaby (join here)
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matsbarzal · 3 years
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#6 angst “just breathe, it's okay. it'll be okay." with mat barzal? 🥺
(also if you could make it gender neutral / non-binary reader for your favorite hopeless trans, I would love you forever 💙💙💙 but absolutely no worries if not!!)
angst #6. "just breathe, it's okay. it'll be okay."
word count: 1.3k pairing: mat barzal x gn!reader warnings: mentions of panic attack, anxiety
It wasn’t that you didn’t like going to Islanders’ events with Mat, it wasn’t that at all. Mat always stood by your side, eager to have you meet everyone, eager to introduce his partner to all his friends and fans. He always matched your outfits, always going out of his way to make sure the two of you looked great standing side-by-side.
It was the fact that all these events were so crowded, so overbearing, like you couldn’t walk away for five minutes without being hounded by the next person eager to talk about Mat, or about the Islanders’ success. You loved everyone you met, truly, but you could only last so long before the crowds, the noise, before everything finally just… got to you.
Mat knew how you felt about the events, knew that sometimes you just had to disappear into a bathroom, or out into the hall to catch a breather.
“Y/N’s okay, they just need a bit of a breather. Packed rooms like this and all these people aren’t really their forte.”
He never questioned your decision to take a walk, or a breather, constantly shooting you looks from wherever he was standing with Tito or Anders, eyeing you to make sure you were alright. Mat knew that crowds weren’t your thing, but he always tried to push you a bit, push you to get out of your comfort zone, push you to do things you wouldn’t have done without him.
It was something you appreciated immensely, especially because Mat always knew when enough was enough and that the push and the encouragement were going too far. Until tonight.
Casino Night was always one of the biggest events of the year for Islanders’ loyalist fans. And it was one of Mat’s favourite events out of all the one’s the team hosted throughout the season. He always said something about helping kids and knowing the money was going to a good cause made it worth dealing with loads of people for one night, something you had to force yourself to agree with.
That’s how you found yourself here, dressed to the nines and pressed into Mat’s side as he introduced you to people you didn’t already know. The room was slowly becoming more and more crowded as you both weaved your way in and out of groups of people, stopping occasionally whenever Mat recognized someone from previous events.
You could feel the anxiety starting to bubble up inside of you, your stomach churning every time a polite smile crossed across your lips to greet another person. Your shoulders had been tensed up since the two of you arrived at the event, only to strain more and more as the night slowly dragged on.
“You okay, love? Your hands are shaking, wanna go for a walk?”
Shaking your head at his worsts, you gently squeezed his hand in response, a tight smile lining your lips. “I’m okay, just getting a little overwhelmed. I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”
Pressing your lips to the edge of his cheek, Mat smiled brightly and squeezed your hand a little tighter, pulling the side of your body flush against the side of his. It didn’t take long for him to have to depart from you, his services needed at the Blackjack table to relieve Anthony of his duties for the next hour, promising you that he’d be back the moment he could get away.
Anthony smiled in greeting as he approached you, standing off to the side, observing the event.
“Big turnout tonight, eh?”
“God, you’re so Canadian. Eh?”
Laughing, all Anthony did was shrug as he looked around at his teammates and fans, the chatter evident in the room, the music from the stereos not blocking out the sounds of people enjoying their night.
“You having fun? Barzy said you weren’t the biggest fan of big crowds and huge events like this, but that you promised you’d come an’ shit. Just lemme’ know if you want to escape for a little bit at all, I know the perfect hiding place in this place. Mat and I dipped like… six times last year to go hide and shotgun a beer in peace,” a sparkle was evident in his eyes, a grin taking over his cheeks as he reminisced on the year prior.
Shrugging your shoulders with a small nod to your head, you surveyed the people around you. “It’s nice, I’m happy it’s all for a good cause which makes it worth it. Maybe I’ll go toss some money into Matt’s basket, see if I can steal Syd’s husband and convince him to bring their baby with him for the day.”
“They really know how to make some beautiful kids, huh?”
Nodding your head with a laugh, Anthony just grinned as he bid you a quick goodbye, maneuvering himself around you and towards the agent that was eagerly trying to get his attention.
Peering around you, you realized you didn’t recognize any of the surrounding people. Mat’s teammates were all at their stations, the few that weren’t were catered up to the front, the bidding war for a day with an Islander about to begin.
You could feel the skin on your arm start to itch, the air flowing through your lips becoming shallow as you tried to make out your surroundings. The feeling of your legs tensing up just another indication that you had to get yourself out of the room, and quickly. Which is how you found your legs moving before your brain could even comprehend what you were doing, pushing yourself out of the exit of the hall and towards the closest bench you could find.
Trying to calm your breathing through your nose and your mouth were impossible, the pace becoming quicker and quicker as you gripped the edge of the bench, your knuckles going white the harder your hands clenched. Every time you let out a breath of air, you could feel as it scratched against the dryness of your throat, your stomach churning as the nausea began to take over, the tears swimming in your eyes and making it impossible to make out anything, or anyone in front of you.
You jumped the moment you felt a hand on your arm. “Hey… hey. It’s okay, it’s alright. Just breathe, it’s okay. It’ll be okay, don’t worry.”
Pushing yourself closer into Mat, you felt his arm wrap around you gently, his hand gently caressing up and down your back as he whispered calming words into your ear. His fingertips were light as they feathered across your back, your brain trying to focus solely on that and the sound of his voice.
“It’s alright. It’s okay, I sound like a recorder, but it’s okay. We’ll go home, it’s alright. Everyone will understand, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone, especially when you still barely know anyone. I’m sorry.”
Shaking your head, you gripped onto Mat’s head tightly, aggressively shaking your head as he looked at you worriedly.
“It’s not your fault, I just… I hate crowds. So much. There were too many things going on at once, I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize how overwhelmed I was until it was too late, I’m sorry.”
The panic was still evident in the way your hands shook, the shallow breaths that continued to fall from your mouth as Mat held onto you gently, the way your throat was dry and sore, the heaviness in your eyes evoking a headache almost immediately.
“Why don’t we go to Denny’s? Or like… anywhere other than here? I’m bored anyways, how do some pancakes sound? Or some waffles? Maybe a parfait if you’re feeling a little frisky?”
A small laugh fell from your lips as you nodded your head at him, his kind eyes and his kind words convincing you that everything would be okay. His endearment and willingness to sit there and hold you as you calmed down, to sit there and whisper kind and soothing things in your ear the push you needed to get up, to follow him wherever he wanted to go next.
note: i hope this was perfect to your request, love!!! thank you for requesting, and i hope you enjoy <3
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kolsmikaelson · 2 years
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instagram edit and moodboard request rules
— send an ask with a full name from this list and a scenario (ex: sirius black and a astronomy tower date).
— if you don’t send a full name and i’m not sure who its for i will either assume somebody or ignore your request.
— i will not do anything that has to do with death, romanticized mental health, no nsfw etc.
— fem!reader, nb!reader, gn!reader (specify if you want specific pronouns, i’ll use gender neutral if not).
— i will do poly! x readers. ( ex: mat barzal x reader x anthony beauvillier beach date )
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sorryjustafangirl · 2 years
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pretty damn obvious
a/n: i had the pleasure of writing for @antoineroussel in her own fic exchange! i really liked this idea and i loved playing around with different ways to incorporate some of her favourite things into a fic! so to Demi, i really hope you enjoy this! there’s also an easter egg hidden in here for you :)
title: pretty damn obvious (aka Mat’s different love languages)
pairing: mat barzal x gn!reader
word count: 4.5k+
warnings: one creep/asshole in section two, mentions of alcohol, and like one swear
disclaimer: this is a piece of fiction and includes a real person so if you don't vibe with that, please don't read. also this gif is not mine, all credit to the amazing creator
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one - quality time
There was a lot you loved about your hometown. The ocean was so close, the climate was warm enough for cute outfits in all seasons (but cool enough you could be graced with snow some winters), and even though it was a big city, it felt like a small town some days. But your favourite part about Vancouver? Mat Barzal was there with you.
Your families were close so it was a no brainer that the two of you became close as you both grew up. From weekly movie nights to helping him with his History homework to spending the summers with each other’s family, the two of you were thick as thieves. When Mat got drafted to the Islanders, things changed, but not as drastically as you thought. You still kept in touch through text and Snapchat but obviously weren’t as involved as close as when you were kids in the same city.
When you sold your first book series, Mat was the first one to promote it on his social media and even sent you a bottle of champagne all the way from Long Island. He told you all his favourite parts and even passed along some of the staff's thoughts on it.
And when you told him you would be moving to New York to be closer to your agent and publishing house, he was so quick to reinsert himself into your daily life. He picked you up from the airport, using Marty’s van to help move all your baggage, and showed you the place to get the best Chinese hot buns. Since you moved in before the season started, the two of you did some of the tourist-y stuff, like the Empire State building and Central Park, catching up on all the little details you’d missed in the thousand miles that had been between you. Weekly movie nights were reinstated and he left tickets for you to come to every home game.
“I’m here!” He called as he entered your apartment one week. He always insisted that movie nights should be at your place, even though your living room was significantly smaller than his and your apartment was out of the way for him.
From the couch, you waved to him. “Romantic comedy or romantic drama?”
He shrugged, and told you to choose whatever you wanted (like he did every week) but when you whined his name playfully, he picked romantic drama. Going with a classic, and one of your favourites, you selected Love Actually on Netflix. Mat brought you the bowl of popcorn you left on the kitchen island, before sitting beside you on the couch. He placed his phone face-down on the coffee table and moved closer to your side. You pressed play and your head drifted to his shoulder.
It was roughly halfway through the movie when Mat’s phone buzzed the first time. Your attention was drawn to the sound, but he didn’t seem to notice, even when it buzzed again after two minutes. You turned your attention back to the movie, his phone forgotten.
It got to the scene when Natalie and David are in the limousine when his phone buzzed again. And again. And again. It was almost constant buzzing and you caught Mat off guard when you paused the movie. You sat up, moving away from him a little, and waited patiently for him to check his notifications.
“What?” He asked.
“Oh my god, answer your phone!” He recoiled a little at the volume of your voice. “I’m sorry, but it’s buzzed like fifteen times, obviously it’s important."
He just shrugged. “Whatever it is, it can wait. I’m spending time with you."
“What if it’s your mom with some terrible news or something?” He stared at you for a moment before reaching for his device.
“Well, now you’ve made me paranoid,” He huffed, flipping his phone over to check the messages. Scrolling through them, he rolled his eyes. “It’s just Beau, he’s drunk.” He put his phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ and placed it face-down again. Turning back to you, he asked. “Can we play it now? I want to know what happens to Hugh Grant."
A smile graced your face and you nodded, snuggling closer to him as you pressed play again. Mat’s hand delicately traced over your shoulder and his attention was solely on this time he got to spend with you.
two - physical touch
Since Mat had insisted you come to his home games, you’d come to know the team. Not very well, but you knew their faces and names and they knew yours. So it wasn’t all that much of a surprise to them when the two of you walked into the bar together after an Isles win.
You went to join the group while Mat ordered your first round of drinks. You slid into the booth with some of the better halves, while their boyfriends and husbands played a game of pool. They all greeted you, talked about how work is going, but Grace is the first to bring up your relationship with Mat.
“So you two are getting closer these days,” She teased, taking a sip of her drink.
“What do you mean?”
“He’s always touching you?” You looked down at your hands and shook your head, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks.
“Oh, that’s -that’s nothing. He’s been like that since we were kids, it doesn’t mean anything."
“Right now’s the first time since the game ended when your hand isn't in his,” Maggie, Tito’s girlfriend, commented.
“He was making sure I didn’t get lost in the crowd. It’s nothing.”
“You keep telling yourself that,” Grace hummed in agreement and took another sip of her drink. Their comments got the gears in your head spinning, your fingers involuntarily starting to twist together. When Mat came back, he slid your favourite drink in front of you. You gave him a smile, considering you didn’t tell him what you wanted and leaned into his touch.
He settled in beside you, letting his arm drape over your shoulder. When you continued to look at him, he placed his hand over yours and gave it a squeeze. Your eyes softened and before you know it, the boys return to the table and various conversations spur. Mat is talking to Beau over Wally’s head and Sydney is showing you new pictures of Winnie from across the table but no matter how the two of you stretch, Mat’s touch lingered on your body.
You started to leave to get another round, but Mat gripped your hand forcing you to turn back to look at him. His eyebrow quirked up, not in a judgmental way but in a way that left you giddy he was concerned why you were leaving. You gave him a smile, motioning to the bar and he nodded, letting your hand drop. You headed over to the bar and ordered your drink as well as another one of Mat’s.
An arm slung over your shoulders and for a moment you lean into it, thinking it was Mat. But then you felt the roughness of the skin and realized this person’s touch was nothing like Mat’s.
“Hey sweetheart, so nice of you to order my favourite drink.” You looked up to see someone much taller than you standing close enough you could smell the cheap cologne and cigarette smoke in his breath. You moved his hand off your shoulder and moved away from him, but like a moth to a flame he followed you.
“Don’t be like that, there’s no way you got both of those drinks for yourself.”
“It’s for my boyfriend.”
“Don’t be like that, sweetie.” The stranger moved closer to you again. “He doesn’t have to know.”
An arm fell over your shoulders again, and you stiffened but quickly relaxed as you felt his familiar - safe - warmth come over you. Your hand quickly came up to grasp his and he gave it another squeeze.
“Is there a problem here, babe?” Mat gave you one of his soft smiles, before glancing to the man, his eyes hardening. You turned to the stranger as well, making eye contact with him.
“No, he was just leaving.” The man clenched his jaw and left in a huff. When he was out of your sight, you quickly turned to him.
“Oh my god, thank you, I..I don’t know what I would’ve done,” You rushed out and you felt Mat’s thumb caress your hand in a soothing pattern.
“Don’t worry about it.” His voice was a little strained.
“No, I-I don’t know what I would’ve done, he was so much bigger than me and I tried to tell him no but he wouldn’t- he just kept bothering me-'' Your lungs started to strain as you hyperventilated, tears beginning to well in your eyes. He pulled both of your hands into his own, grounding you as you tried to calm down.
“I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, you know that." Your lungs stopped working momentarily at his comment but slowly nodded and he pressed a quick kiss to the top of your head. “Besides, did you see his face when you told him to leave? You rocked it.” A small chuckle escaped you at his comment and he pressed another kiss to the top of your head. He ducked down a little to meet your mostly dry eyes.
“How does an Office marathon and some cuddles sound right now?”
“That sounds like the best thing.” He cracked a smile and pulled your hand through the crowd to get a cab. You ignored the sparks that were travelling up your arm, only focusing on his hand in yours and the comfort his touch brought you.
three - gift giving
When you were younger, you wanted to become a baker. Open up your own cozy bakery in Vancouver and spend your days in the kitchen crafting delicious desserts, just like your grandmother did at home. You and Mat would spend hours talking about your dreams under the safety of blanket forts in the winter. He’d talk about his NHL superstar future, playing for his favourite team, even playing for Team Canada one day. You’d talk about the open concept kitchen and the stainless steel professional islands and the baby pink mixers you’d get. As you grew up, it became more of a fantasy than a dream, but you still had the skills from those days spending time in the kitchen.
Those skills came in especially handy for times when your writer’s block was at an all time high. If no words were flowing from your fingers, you’d put them to good use with stirring, kneading, or rolling. It wasn’t something you often shared with people, and obviously you’d forgotten to tell your best friend because when you’d brought over the containers of brownies and muffins to give to Mat to share with the team, his eyes widened like saucers. When he got past his shock (and excitement to have goodies in his apartment), he’d noticed the blisters forming on your fingers from overworking them. You’d brushed him off, saying they’d heal in a jiffy. He frowned, but seemed to buy your answer and thanked you for the baked goods.
When your birthday started to approach, you made it clear to Mat that you wanted nothing extravagant. He’d always had a tendency to overdo it and with this being your first birthday in the Big Apple, you were worried he’d really overdo it. You could still feel the effects from your 19th birthday party Mat threw for you. He’d flown up from Seattle for the weekend and made sure you had a great time. It would’ve been really sweet if you could remember half of it. You do remember the morning after though. He relentlessly teased you for how you handled your alcohol but spent the rest of the day hanging out with you, giving you ibuprofen every 4 hours until your hangover went away.
But now that you were older, you couldn’t handle anything that crazy again. Your girlfriends had planned something separate but it conflicted with Mat’s schedule so you insisted on a relaxing night in, maybe some face masks and mimosas.
“What is that?” You asked, choking a little on your drink as he walked in with a box half of his size.
“Happy birthday!” He placed the messily wrapped box on your coffee table, making a loud thud sound. You continued to stare at the size of the box until he encouraged you to open it. You took your time, meticulously tearing the paper as if not to wreck whatever this extravagant gift was.
When all of the wrapping was off, your breath hitched in your throat. It was a state-of-the-art stand mixer, just one you saw in every show home, every cooking show, the exact same one you dreamed about when you were little. It was even the same shade of baby pink you’d envisioned.
“This way you won’t have to get blisters every time you need to stress bake. And it’s like the one you dreamed about when we were kids, remember? You and your bakery and me and the Flames?” You couldn’t take your eyes off of it. You’d dreamed about a machine like this since you were old enough to believe in Santa Claus.
“You remember that?” The side smile he gave you sent butterflies to your stomach. It must’ve been over ten years since you’d talked about that dream. But you came back to reality and quickly shook your head, dispelling those giddy feelings. “I can’t accept this, it’s too much.”
“It’s not though.”
“Yes! It is. I know how much one of these costs.”
He simply stared back at you. “So?”
“Mathew…”
“Don’t say my name like that,” He whined, coming over to you. “What good is an NHL salary if I can’t use it on the people.. on the people I love?” Your heart started beating faster when he said that word but you had to remind yourself that this was your best friend, the person you’d grown up with. Of course he loved you. But he only meant it the way he’d always meant it - platonically.
“Thank you.” The corners of his eyes crinkled from his smile and you gave him a long hug, his hands pressing you close to his chest. You thought you heard his heart beating faster than usual, but waved it off as your own nerves acting up.
four - acts of service
The Islanders’ two week West Coast roadie finally came and even though you’d miss him like always, you didn’t mind the physical distance between you and your best friend.
Maybe best friend wasn’t the correct word considering the more-than-friend feelings you were developing for him.
A ringing coming from your phone interrupted your thoughts and upon seeing Mat’s contact photo pop up, you immediately answered it. You kept the phone balanced under your ear as you continued to answer some emails.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” His voice is breathy. “How’s it going?”
“Good,” You said hesitantly, hearing his tone. Glancing at the clock, you realize that this isn’t when Mat usually phones, even with the time difference. “Rant or distraction?”
You heard him sigh before letting out a small chuckle. “How’d you know?”
“Because I know you, Maty. Now, do you want to rant or do you need to be distracted?”
“Do you have the time for that?”
“I always have time for you.” He paused at your words, and even though you couldn’t see it, he shook his head a little trying to suppress the smile you put on his face.
“Well, then distracted please.”
“Uh, okay, let’s see. Maggie invited me to lunch tomorrow so that’ll be fun. We’re going to that coffee shop, the one you brought me breakfast from last week when I overslept? She hasn’t been yet, so I suggested it and I hope she likes it. Oh! Last night I finished my outline for chapter 23 of my new book, which I really have to get started on because according to my schedule I’m already a chapter behind since my writer’s block was an ass last week. And my agent wants to talk about the next book on Thursday but since I haven’t finished this one, I don’t know what to say because you know that sometimes I get new ideas while writing, so it might be a mess. I’ll live, I get to paid to write, so I’ll just spend the next couple days writing until I pass out.”
“Don’t do that,” He chided. You could practically see the eye roll through the phone. “Make sure you eat between now and Thursday-”
“Yes, Mom,” You joked, but when you heard him sigh on the other end, you added that you would. The two of you talked for a few more minutes before he hung up to go to the arena.
A few days later, your conversation with Mat was long forgotten. Inspiration for your newest chapter struck in the middle of the night and the words had been flowing from your fingers ever since. There were half-empty mugs of cold coffee scattered and pages with snippets of paragraphs spewed all over the place.
A sharp knock at your door broke your trance and when you stood up, your joints hurt after being in the same position for so long. Using your peephole, you realized that no one was waiting at your door, only a small paper brown bag with a white piece of that looked like a receipt attached. You opened your door narrowly, so your neighbor didn’t have to see your ancient sweatpants and the too large shirt that said Barzal on the back. The name on the bag was your full name, and there was even a note that it was paid for. In the comments section of the receipt, you noticed only a simple note: From Mat <3
You immediately rushed to find your phone, only then realizing that you’d missed his afternoon game because you were so wrapped up in your writing. His number was favourited on FaceTime and he picked up after only one ring.
“Hey.”
“Hey? What is this?” You held up the bag to be in the frame. His eyes lit up.
“Oh, sweet, you got it!”
“It? What even is this?” You started to take the contents of the bag and a warm aroma of comfort food filled your room. “Italian?” Your face must have shifted because you Mat was quick to reassure you what it was.
“Authentic Italian!” He said proudly. “It’s from that restaurant on 178th Street, the one you told me had the only good pasta in the area.” Your eyes softened. That same restaurant didn’t do takeout orders, much less deliveries.
“You didn’t have to do all this for me.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Well, still. This means a lot Maty.” You took a bite and tried to suppress the moan that you made. “How’d you know?”
He shrugged. “You stopped answering my texts so I figured you were in your zone, which meant you definitely weren’t making yourself a meal.”
You felt your cheeks heat up at his assumption and you changed the subject, talking about his game since you missed it, how the trip has been, if he was tired of sharing a room with Beau yet (which he didn’t answer much to your amusement). He’d asked about how you were coming along with your newest chapter and plans for when he got back.
Eventually, he hung up the phone, letting you get back to work now that he knew you had some food. He looked up from his phone, glancing over at Beau who gave him a knowing look. When Mat’s face scrunched in confusion, his best friend scoffed. “You’re not even dating them yet, tu es désespéré.” to which a pillow was thrown at him.
five - words of affirmation
All it took was one single piece of paper to send you spiraling.
A simple wedding RSVP for Mason and Mac, friends you’d grown up with in Vancouver, which was the funny part. Mason accompanied you to the year six dance and Mac lived down the street from your house growing up. You’d known them individually as people, as wonderful people so deserving of happiness, and you’d seen them find that in each other. They were a perfect couple and had been since high school. Everyone knew they were going to get married; it was just a matter of when.
Guess now was the time. But the more you stared at the ivory invitation, the more it set in that this was how it was going to be. Always a bridesmaid, never the bride; that sort of thing. And this was only the start. After this, you’d have a mailbox full of invitations where you’d have to write ‘party for 1’ over and over again.
You weren’t going to find that person. Society puts so much pressure on finding that one, getting married, having a family. Not to mention the timeline that they press, that by 25 everyone has their life figured out. You weren’t anywhere close to adhering to that nonsense. It might be ridiculous but there was still some part of you that wondered if you were falling behind in life. The last relationship you’d had lasted five months and was over a year ago. You had no problem being single but the invitation had so painfully reminded you that you were alone.
You hadn’t even realized that you’d started to sob until Mat was in front of you, his eyes wide. His lips were moving as if they were saying something but between the sound of your sobs and the various voices screaming in your head, you couldn’t comprehend what he was trying to tell you. He noticed, surrounding you with his arms, holding you tight until your sobs started to subside and your breathing returned to normal.
“What’s going on? Talk to me,” he asked. He was crouched in front of you with his hands resting on your wrists, the light touch comforting you. Instead of answering him, you sniffled and reached for the RSVP, giving it to him. With one hand, he inspected it, his other hand staying on your arm.
“Isn’t this a good thing? They’ve been together since high school,”
“It’s not that,” You said, pointing to the bottom.
Please circle how many seats we should reserve in your place: 1 or 2
“I still don’t get it. Why are you crying?”
“Because! I-” Your voice cracked and you looked away from your best friend. Yow knew he wouldn’t let this go, not after seeing how much it affected you, but this was personal and intimate in a way you hadn’t been with him before. He would never understand; he’s funny and athletic and all the things any person would look for. He wasn’t like you. “I’m just never going to have that. Like, I have to circle 1 because I’m not seeing anyone but then I’m going to show up alone to a wedding where I’m going to be constantly reminded that I’m falling behind in life and I’m never going to have a love like theirs because no one is going to love me like that. My last serious relationship wasn’t even serious and it’s been more than a year since I’ve had anything more than a first date! I just don’t know if someone loving me is in my cards.”
“You don’t seriously believe that, do you?”
“No, I just made it up for a personal breakdown. Of course, I believe it," You snapped.
“You don’t have to get defensive, it’s just…that’s a bunch of bullshit. You’re not falling behind in life because you’re not in a relationship right now. You’re not. And I know there’s lots of people who go to weddings alone and also you’re wrong because you are incredible. Why wouldn't anyone want to love you? You create whole universes from scratch, you always know how to make me laugh, and you're the best person I know, and that says something because I've met Sidney Crosby." His comment forced a small laugh out of you and he lifted your chin up to met his eyes. "So many people love you. I..I love you.”
Your heart clenched at those words and you looked down at your hands. You couldn’t look at him when he didn’t mean it in the way you so longed to hear. He’s said it platonically for years, and you wouldn’t get your hopes up every time he said it.
“Thanks Maty. I love you too,” You sniffled, looking back down at your hands. A moment passed and you heard him take a deep breath.
“No, I love you.”
Oh? Oh.
Your mind was racing a mile a minute at the idea that Mat could see everything in you that you saw in him. Your lips parted and you turned to see him with nerves written all over his face, something that looked out of place on your generally confident best friend. The longer you stared at him, memories and thoughts circling your brain, the more antsy he got in the silence.
“If you don’t feel the same, that’s-that’s fine, I just want you to be happy. It doesn’t have to be with me.”
You swallowed the lump in your throat. “You’re my best friend.”
“Like I said, it’s fine-” You placed your hand on his thigh and he stopped talking long enough for you to speak.
“You’ve been my best friend since we were little, I’m always happy when I’m with you.”
“You mean that..?”
“I love you too.” His eyes lit up and the corners of his mouth started to turn up.
“Yeah?” You nodded and he quickly brought you into his arms, his head nuzzling into the crook of your neck. A laugh escaped you and you felt him smile. He pulled away, his eyes staring into yours before finally leaning in. Your lips met and you easily melted into him. It was new and exciting, sparks travelling up and down your body but it was also familiar, like being back on the beach or snuggling up in your favourite chair. It was exactly like Mat had always been with you; a sense of comfort that brought new adventures. One of your hands found the back of his neck and pulled him closer to you as he continued to kiss you. When you both pulled away, he pressed his forehead to yours and you let out a small laugh.
“What took you so long?”
“What took me so long? I mean, I think it’s been pretty damn obvious,” He chuckled, pulling away from you to admire your skin in the lighting, the way your lips were swollen. “I tried showing you in like every love language because even after all these years, I still don’t know which one is yours but you still didn’t get it so.”
“Thanks for putting up with my obliviousness.” You brushed a stray hair that had fallen into his face and he gently grabbed your wrist, pressing a soft kiss to the inside before leaning into your touch.
“No one else I want to put up with.”
You brought him in for another kiss, and you soon found yourself in his lap, exchanging sweet nothings and deep, long overdue, kisses. Suddenly, he stopped, moving you out of his touch. He reached to his side and grabbed the forgotten invitation before going into the kitchen for something. He came back holding, triumphantly, a blue pen and brought you back into his embrace. He clicked the pen and circled ‘2’ and you pressed a kiss to his cheek, before leaning your head on his shoulder. There was no other person you’d want to attend any event with than the man who’d become your everything.
translation: tu es désespéré = you are hopeless
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sorryjustafangirl · 2 years
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calling to say
a/n: a much awaited one! this one been with me since january lol, it's based on one of my favourite holiday songs, 'calling to say' by serena ryder. and exs to lovers, one of my favourite tropes (and yet the first one i've written for it). anyways, i really like this one and hope y'all do too! and this is my last fic before christmas so merry christmas to those who celebrate :)
pairing: mat barzal x gn!reader
word count: 2k+
warnings: one brief mention of sex
disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and the perfect gif is not mine, all credit to the gif maker <3
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Mat sat inside his parent’s house in Coquitlam, home for the holiday season. He was lucky enough that his season lined up so he could be home with his family for Christmas, but he couldn’t help but feel a little hollow inside. You should be here with him, laughing as he and his sister watched Home Alone on Christmas Eve.
But you weren’t.
You were in your hometown with your family, celebrating the holiday. He didn't know the ache he had in his chest had also taken residence in yours. He didn’t know that everytime you spotted the mistletoe under a doorway, a frown came on your face. He didn’t know that you had to turn down your cousin’s request to go skating because you couldn’t stand the thought of doing something that was so distinctly his. And why would he? The two of you had broken up a few weeks ago.
You had seen yourselves grow apart from each other. It wasn’t like the usual stress of the season, it was deeper. He was spending more and more time away from the apartment, away from you. When he’d done that, you’d spent more late nights at work, coming home only to curl into bed. You’d both exchange a mumbled ‘love you’ when you got under the covers and the cycle would continue. You couldn’t remember the last time the two of you had gone on a date that wasn’t one of his games and it had been much longer since you’d had any sort of sex.
At one time, you thought Mat would be the one. Your family adored him, probably more than they liked you. He laughed at your jokes even if they weren’t that funny, and he had never forgotten an anniversary or birthday, even as the two of you dwindled. But you’d both decided that trying to upkeep something that obviously wasn’t working anymore wasn’t worth the strain on yourselves. You’d said goodbye to him on an ordinary Wednesday night, after two years together. Just like that. And you’d thought that being broken up wouldn’t be much different than what you were doing but now? Now, you were spending Christmas, alone, with your family, wishing more than anything you had someone to curl with around the fireplace.
Home Alone wasn’t finished but he couldn’t stand it. This time last year, you were watching it with him at his childhood house, laughing along to the stupid pranks. And now you were gone. He grabbed his phone and quietly slipped out the front door. It was lightly snowing, a miracle for December in Vancouver. He paced back and forth in front of the house, fiddling with his phone, the only light coming from the streetlight. He gave a big sigh before opening it up and pulling up your contact. He knew it was a long shot -- it was late where you were -- but he had to talk to you, or at least hear your voicemail.
The ringing of your phone brought you out of the daze you were in. Your little cousins wanted to watch The Polar Express and you had agreed, even though you knew they would fall asleep half way through. When you looked at who was calling, you froze. You hadn’t bothered to change the profile picture. It was a picture Liana had taken of the two of you during the summer. The sun was setting and you were nestled under Mat’s arms, bright smiles on both of your faces. Your phone buzzed again and your heart skipped a beat. Stupid heart, you thought. We broke up.
The picture disappeared and your daze was broken. You quickly slipped out of the room onto the back porch and called him back. It didn’t ring for very long before he picked up but he stayed silent.
“Hey, you, uh, you called?” you started, sighing a little bit at the chill outside.
“Hey!.. Um hey Y/N.” He was startled to say the least. He knew it was a long shot calling you in the first place, and his heart had dropped when you didn’t answer. He’d stuffed the phone back in his pocket and was planning to go back inside to sulk before you had called him. He hadn’t thought you’d call him back, obviously. “I hope I’m not keeping you, I know you’re probably with your family."
“They’re all passed out on the couch, fast asleep, it’s okay.” There was an awkward silence before Mat coughed.
“Right, yeah sorry. I just...I was just calling to say Merry Christmas…”
You chuckled, “Merry Christmas Mat.” An awkward silence came through the line and instead of leaving it like you usually do, you couldn’t let it fester. It would hurt your heart too much. “My uncles wanted me to let you know that they think you’re having a terrific season. They couldn’t shut up about it at dinner tonight.”
“Oh, that’s really nice of them. I knew your uncles secretly liked me, even if they said they’d only ever cheer for the Rangers.”
“My whole family liked you and you knew it.” You couldn’t help the smile that formed on your face. Stupid heart and stupid brain, thinking one phone can change your love life.
“Well, I am pretty irresistible,” he chuckled, getting a laugh out of you. A comfortable moment of silence passed before you both spoke up.
“Listen I--” “Mat--”
He let you go first after an awkward chuckle. “Why’d you call me? Not that this is unwelcome, but normally, ex’s don’t call each other on Christmas Eve.”
Mat grimaced. He hated that the two of you were exs. He hated that he didn’t fight hard enough to show you he loved you. He scrambled for words to tell you that but all he could come up with was a lame, “...I miss you.”
“Mat…”
“No, I do. Listen I know we broke up, I know that, and I know why, but --” He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. “I want to try again. And you’re not seeing anyone seriously, and I haven’t even been able try to see anyone else and --”
“Wait, why’d you assume there’s no other guy?” You weren’t seeing anyone, but you didn’t like the idea that he thought you were hung up on him. Well, you were, but he didn’t have to assume that.
“Well, is there?”
You scoffed. “...No. But that’s not the point and you know it.” He chuckled at your stubbornness, something he adored even now.
“I’ve, uh, talked to your sister and she told me. That’s how.” He scuffed his boots along the snow, embarrassed that he even told you that.
“Oh.” He was talking to your sister? Since when? Why didn’t she tell you that?
“Look, you’re it for me. I know it. And I know we broke up and I know I thought I could live with that but, fuck, I can’t. I’m standing outside and it’s barely even cold but I feel cold because you’re not here. Liana’s laughing at Home Alone like always and I can see the lights and the fireplace and it even snowed this year but none of it feels right because you’re not here. Nothing feels right because you aren’t standing here beside me right now at supposedly the happiest time of year. And I’m sorry, I really am, that it took me this long to realize that you’re all I’m ever going to need. And I know it’s Christmas Eve and it’s late where you are, but I just… I hope you have a happy holiday Y/N.” His voice was small nearing the end, almost as if he didn’t want even the wind to hear his sadness.
You took a deep breath, fresh crisp air filling your lungs. Looking up at the sky, you sigh. “I miss you too, you know? My cousins asked about you and it nearly broke my heart to tell them you weren’t coming.”
“I miss them. Your family.” A small smile formed on his face as he remembered all the warmth he felt while in the company of your family.
“They miss you too. My grandma was going to send me home with some frozen soup for you since she remembered how bad a chef you are.” A small chuckle escaped Mat and when you gave a small chuckle back, he took a leap of faith.
“I mean, you could still bring that soup over and we could...talk.”
Your voice nearly got stuck in your throat when he said those words. “What?”
“Look...I know it’s only been a few weeks but they’ve been the worst few weeks of my life. You are hands down the best person I’ve ever met. I know it took me too long to see you fall through my fingers – to let you, to let us fall through my fingers but I would do anything to have you in my life again. And if you let me, I will try every single day to prove to you that I’m worth it. That we’re worth it. That… we’re meant for each other.” His free hand came to the back of his neck, slightly wringing it, feet scuffing at the snow again.
“Mat… it’s not about us being meant to be. ‘Meant to be’ isn’t real’. Our relationship was never about being ‘exactly right for each other’ but being willing to go the extra distance to be there for each other. Love, it’s… it’s not something you just find in the park, it’s something you build. Something you fight for. I know I didn’t do a great job of fighting for us either.” Your voice dropped in volume, scared that too loud a volume might break this moment. “Do you still love me?”
His response was immediate. “I never stopped. Not even when you left if I’m honest. I still loved you even if you broke my heart, if you can believe it,” A slight whimper left your mouth as he said those words. “Do you...do you still love me?”
“Would I call if I didn’t?” He let out a breath of relief he didn’t realize he was holding at your words. “I just...I don’t want to hurt anymore,” You croaked out on the verge of tears. “I thought it wouldn’t hurt so much if we were apart since we weren’t really in each other’s lives anyways, but Mat, I was wrong. I was so wrong. It still hurts even when we aren’t together. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
“Then let’s give us a shot again. Let me heal your heart. Let’s make it better.” Mat looked up at the streetlamp, and the falling snow, at the faint stars. “Please, Y/N.”
You looked up into the night sky, as if the twinkling lights would give you any advice.
“Okay…”
“Okay?” He struggled to keep his voice at one level. He tried again with a more steady voice. “Okay?”
“Yeah, let’s give it another shot when you get back for the season. But, Mat, we can’t let it turn out like last time...I don’t know if I can handle that.” Tears pricked at your eyes and you took a deep breath, trying to suppress the feelings from the end of your relationship that were bubbling up.
“Hey, hey, hey. It won’t. I promise, okay? Pinky promise, it’s going to be different.” His voice filled with the hope of feeling whole again.
“Okay. I pinky promise too.” Just those few letters had a smile growing on both your faces, not that either of you knew about the others’ facial expressions. “I’ll talk to you when you get back then? We’ll have coffee or something?”
“Sounds like a date…”
“It is a date, idiot,” you laughed.
“Yeah. A date.” Mat’s smile grew wider. He checked his watch and did the time zone math in his head. “Hey, Y/N?”
“Yes, Mat?”
“Merry Christmas.” You checked your own watch. It was officially 12:00 on Christmas Day. A small chuckle escaped you.
“Merry Christmas Mat,” You replied, glad he couldn’t see the blush gracing your cheeks as you hung up the phone. Back in Vancouver, Mat looked up at the miracle snow, happy that he was able to get one more miracle this Christmas.
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sorryjustafangirl · 2 years
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kwanzaa time!
a/n: happy first day of kwanzaa to those who celebrate!!! and to those we don’t, i hope you had a happy (and healthy) other holiday! this one focuses around kwanzaa, and while it’s not a religious holiday, it is a cultural one, so it’s implied that the reader, although gender neutral, is of African/of African descent
a/n 2.0: this was originally written with mat barzal but after this information and viewpoint, i decided to rewrite it with tyson jost
pairing: tyson jost x gn!reader
word count: 2.9k+
warnings: alcohol, no covid, not accurate game schedule, mention of foods (be kind to yourselves lovelies)
disclaimer: i am not of african descent in any way, so i did my research around this and tried my very best to be accurate and respectful, but please if you find anything offensive in any way, please let me know and i will adjust. and as always, this is a piece of fiction and includes a real person. if you don’t like that, please don’t read. and this gorgeous gif isn’t mine, all credit to the talented creator
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It was the night of the 25th and Tyson and you had just said goodbye to his family on FaceTime. He hadn’t gotten enough time off to go see them in St. Albert and they hadn’t had time to come down either. The two of you had shared a private meal in your apartment before calling his family, now just relaxing in each other’s presence as the Yule Log flickered on the television.
Eventually the two of you went to clean up and when Tyson went to change into his pajamas, you took the time to set up the Kwanzaa decorations. You got out the kinara (with its three green, three red, and one black candles) and the woven mat it gets placed on, along with the unity cup and plastic corn husk your mom had given you. You put them on the front hall table, not wanting to overshadow Tyson’s Christmas decorations.
“What are you doing over here?” You looked over to see your boyfriend standing in the middle of the hallway. You went back to adjusting the decorations.
“Just setting up for Kwanzaa,”
“Well, I can see that, but why are you setting up here?” He gestured to the small hallway near the front door. “Wouldn't it go better in the living room?”
You opened your mouth to say something but promptly closed it. It was your first time spending the holiday season together in the same apartment, and you’d assumed that it’d be a smaller celebration. “You’d be okay with it being in the living room? It’s not going to clash with the Christmas decorations?”
“Well, no? I can’t tell between the colours anyways. And Christmas is over and we’re going to celebrate-”
“We?”
“Yes, we.” He came over to you and captured your hands in his. “You celebrate it, so I celebrate it. And besides, Kwanzaa’s a cultural holiday right so it could never compete or clash with Christmas because they’re in different categories. Now,” He picked up the kinara carefully, so as not to let the candles fall, and the woven mat that was underneath it and moved them onto the coffee table in the living room. “Do you have other decorations? I think something would go nicely by the window over there,”
“I don’t know how much I trust your interior design skills without Kacey here so maybe I better take the lead on this,” You laughed. He stuck his tongue out at you and you stuck it right back, bursting out in laughter. You brought over the rest of the decorations and told him where you think they would look best.
When he’d finished placing everything in its spot, and you had finished removing any tree ornaments that were not predominantly red, green, or black, you stood back to admire the room.
“See? The decorations look great over here,” Tyson said, snaking his arm around your shoulders.
“It does look pretty good,” You didn’t have to look to see the triumphant grin on his face and you placed your hand on his chest. “Ready for bed?” He nodded, and he led the way to the bedroom.
The next morning, Tyson wakes you up by peppering soft kisses along your face and shoulder. You smile into his embrace, your eyes still closed.
“Morning, love,” He whispered and you opened your eyes to see him with a smile on his face. “Happy first day of Kwanzaa,”
“Thank you babe. Habari gani?”
“Habari what?” You giggled at his face, which had morphed into some kind of professional shock.
“Habari gani. It’s what we say each morning to celebrate the principle for the day. It means ‘how are you’ in Swahili, I think.”
“Well, then habari gani. Today is…?” He trailed off as he brushed a stray hair away from your face.
“Unity. Or umoja. Same thing,”
“I think I’m going to have to brush up on my Swahili at this rate,”
You laughed. “You love me,”
“That I do. Very much so,” He pressed one last kiss to your lips before getting out of bed to start his day.
You spent the day like any other - you didn’t want to throw Tyson into his first Kwanzaa after all, it was better to ease into it. You’d caught up with JT and his partner and stopped by the Landeskog's to give the family the gift from the two of you. You’d gone to the mall to return a gift from your co-worker while Tyson stayed at home, taking advantage of the online Boxing Day sales in Canada.
When you came back, you called into the apartment you were home, your keys clambering in the key dish by the front door. When you got no answer, you were a little concerned. Your boyfriend, bless his heart, loved to greet you at the door no matter how long you’d be gone.
“Babe?” You walked down the hallway, checking your bedroom and ensuite first, before heading to the living room. A loud clang, followed by a yelp, startled you and you rushed towards the kitchen. Initially, when you’d started renting the place, you hated the closed off kitchen, but you’d grown to love it the more time you spent there. It was perfect for parties as it provided a little reprieve and a space where not everything had to be spotless or tidy, since it wasn’t wide open for everyone to see.
“Tyson?” You called again.
“I’m okay! Don’t come into the kitchen!” His words stopped you in your tracks.
“Why?” You stood next to the doorway, leaning on the wall, facing away from the kitchen.
“I’m making dinner for you!”
“Are you sure that’s safe?” His laugh echoed throughout the apartment.
“My mom taught me when I went home last year, I got this. Go relax on the couch, please?”
You sighed. “Only because I love you!” But you complied with whatever he had planned and went and sat back down in the living room, turning on the world juniors analysis. It was only a few minutes later when he came out with a glass of your favourite wine, giving you a few quick kisses before returning to the kitchen. You heard the timer go off, along with the oven door being shut, before Tyson came out into the room again.
“Keep watching whatever you’re watching! Don’t turn around,” He cautioned as he walked behind you. You heard dishes being placed on the dining room table and more scuttling behind you, but obeyed his instructions. He then came behind you and placed his hands over your eyes, guiding you to the table, even pulling your chair out for you and pushing you in.
“Okay, you can open them now,” Your eyes adjusted to the light again and when you focused on what was in front of you, a gasp escaped. On the table, there were various dishes, ranging from your favourite collard greens to mac and cheese and some grilled chicken breast, as well as a cornbread browned to perfection. There were even two pints of ice cream in the ice bucket - a chocolate one for him and one your favourite flavour. When he saw your stunned face, he instantly kicked into panic mode, his words coming out rushed.
“Okay, okay, I know this might look weird but it’s your favourite foods and my favourite foods? ‘Cause you said today’s unity and I know how much you like food, so I thought I’d make a unity of our foods! Not like a real unity because I’m not that good in the kitchen but like this is sort of a close second. If you don’t like it I can-”
This man. This stupidly wonderful and thoughtful man. You were done for.
You cut him off. “Tyson…this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me on Kwanzaa,” You clasped his hand from across the table. He squeezed your hand, smiled, and shrugged.
“I just hope it tastes good,”
“Either way, it’s the thought that counts.” You squeezed his hand before untangling your hands to pick up the spoon to serve. “And it looks delicious so, thank your mother for me.” He blushed at your words before picking out his own food.
Conversation flowed easily between the two of you as it always did. Tyson refilled your wine glass and eventually you moved to the couch as he cleaned up. When he had finished, he joined you on the couch, relaxing with you as you watched whatever channel had popped up. Moments went by and when the next commercial break happened you turned to your boyfriend.
“Is it alright if we light the kinara now?” Tyson just nodded and turned off the TV, and grabbed the lighter from the side table. You took the lighter from him and kneeled in front of the coffee table. He easily slid behind you, his legs on either side of you.
You raised your hands and lit the first, and only, black candle in the middle. You leaned your head onto Tyson’s chest and he pressed a light kiss to the top of your head. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence as you watched the candle burn.
Throughout the next few days of Kwanzaa, Tyson was such a sweetheart, more so than he normally is. He was more eager than you to light the kinara each night and had planned each day in accordance with the values. On the third day, which focused on collective work and responsibility, he suggested that the two of you go downtown to volunteer at a soup kitchen. Because it’s about taking care of people, right?, he had said. You quickly said yes and it was so worth it to get out of bed when you saw Tyson in an apron, sitting across from a family, making the little curly haired boy laugh.
Even when he missed a few days because of their short road trip, he still managed to give you a small little gift: gift vouchers for various African-American owned local businesses and the latest autobiography from Michelle Obama. When you called him to thank you, you asked him why those specific things.
“Well, yesterday was day four so that was cooperative economics, so that goes with the gift vouchers because like helping people out economically and then today is purpose, and I thought that maybe, like, that the book would help with finding your purpose? I don’t know but I thought you’d enjoy it and it went the best with today so,”
“Babe, this is so thoughtful of you,” You could practically see the way the blush would go to his checks and the way he was probably wringing the back of his neck.
“It’s nothing,”
“It’s not nothing, Tyson”
“Either way, I love you, okay? I gotta go,” He laughed as you heard the boys in the background. “I gotta go for morning skate, but let me know if you like the book!”
“I love you too.” The phone call ended and you immediately dialed your sister to brag let her know what a thoughtful boyfriend you had.
When he came back home, you were eager to drag him to the couch and do nothing but watch reruns of The Bachelorette and cuddle. He lasted about an episode before he turned to you.
“What’s on the Kwanzaa agenda today?” You lovingly rolled his eyes at his terminology.
“Nothing much. Today focuses on creativity, and I already did a dance class this morning with my sister, so we can just relax,”
“I actually have something for you.”
“Babe, no,” You grabbed his hand as he started to get up from the couch. “You’ve already done so much for me.”
“Just…trust me okay? I want to do this for you, I’ve been practicing.”
“Practicing?” He took advantage of your confusion, slipping his hand out of yours and leaving the room. You called after him with no response and huffed.
He came back a minute later, his ukulele in his hands.
“Tyson…” You trailed off. This was too much.
“Today’s creativity. So this is my creativity for you,” He placed the instrument on his lap and slowly started to strum a few cords. You couldn’t tell what it was at first but when he started singing the lyrics to ‘You Are My Sunshine’, tears started to well in your eyes. By the time he had finished, the tears were streaming down your face. When he noticed, he tossed his ukulele aside and gathered you into his arms, quick to whisper sweet nothings into your ear.
Between sobs you managed to croak out, “You sap,” which earned a hearty laugh from him.
“I love you,” You squeezed him tighter and repeated his words to him.
On the last of Kwanzaa, you went over to your family’s for the karamu, or the feast. Tyson was nervous to meet all of your extended family, including your grandparents, especially on the last day when there would be lots of dancing and music. You tried to reassure him that they would love and accept him just like you did but it wasn't until your parents greeted him with hugs that he started to believe you. The grandparents would be the true test.
Your young nephews had taken a liking to your boyfriend, following him around. They took extra pride in helping him learn some of the male-lead parts of some of the cultural dances and Tyson concentrated so hard his tongue stuck out of the side of his mouth. You stood on the side of the room, watching intently as he focused on the steps.
"Soo...." Your cousin Jasmine trailed off as she slid beside you.
"So, what?"
"Is he the one?"
"Woah, Jaz, that's a lot," She held her hands up in surrender.
"It's just the way you look at him, you know? It's just pure love. Like how Nan looks at Pops. That's all,"
"Get outta here, go help Nan or something," You lightly shoved her away and she laughed all the way into the kitchen. You shook your head at her. It wasn't that you didn't like her question, it was just that you'd only been dating for about a year, and you did know the answer to her question. He was the one, at least you were ninety-nine percent sure. And seeing him learning complicated dancing, entertaining your nephews, being here for you...that was the last one percent to confirm it. But Jaz had always needed to mind her own business.
Soon after, your mom called for dinner and Tyson took his place beside you at the table. Throughout the feast, he handled all the comments, questions, and even some of the chirps with ease. When your grandmother had asked Tyson what he thought of his first Kwanzaa celebration, you could tell he was being genuine in his response -- not of his rehearsed press answers. He made a few mistakes with pronunciation which your grandmother had promptly corrected, but he took it all in stride, explaining his favourite parts of the celebration. When he mentioned what the two of you had done during the week, your grandmother gave you the nod of approval. But when Tyson mentioned he couldn't wait to celebrate more Kwanzaas with us? That's when your grandfather gave you the nod of approval and your heart swelled three sizes.
When dinner had finished, and the dishes had been washed and put away, your cousins sat down in front of the fireplace, waiting for the time for gifts. At their whines, which your grandmother easily gave a look to quiet them, the family gathered around the living room. You, being “young” were forced to the floor, but didn’t mind, as Tyson slid onto the floor beside you, his leg touching yours. He took your hand in his, pressed a kiss to the back of it, before looking to see your nephews open the gift from you.
Gifts were passed around, from mother to son, brother to sister, granddaughter to grandfather. The room was warm - but the kind of warm that only came from being in a room with so much love. The noise was starting to dwindle, which is when your boyfriend decided to surprise you with one last gift.
“This is for you,” He placed a poorly wrapped bundle in your lap and you laughed lightly at the amount of tape you could see on it.
“You didn’t have to do anything, this whole week has been amazing,” You protested.
“Joyous Kwanzaa. Please, just open it?” His eyes got a little wider and his lips turned downward into a slight pout and you couldn’t say no to that face.
You shyly tore into the gift, the tape easily ripping. Inside was a burgundy sweatshirt. The fabric was soft between your fingers and when you turned it over in your lap, you saw what made it so special.
On the front in white thread was the outline of the two of you. He’d even used your favourite photo, one where you were standing in front of the sunset on the West Coast after Tyson had surprised you with a romantic weekend getaway. Underneath it was a single word, kusudi. Purpose in Swahili.
All of the stitching was irregular and some of it was messy but it made your heart swell even more. A hand embroidered sweatshirt.
“You did this? Where’d…” You were speechless.
“Kacey might’ve given me a couple lessons over FaceTime,” He said, biting the inside of his cheek. You couldn’t say anything to that, just throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him tight. His arms easily went around you and squeezed you closer.
“Why kusudi?” You asked quietly, but he heard you and his answer was swift.
“Easy. You’re my purpose, babe.”
thanks for reading! feel free to let me know what you thought!
holiday taglist (join here): @barzysandhughesbaby @jizzyhughes @tysonjost-taylorsversion @jostyriggslover96 @janeydeaux @tanninetanya @whoeverineedtobe @stars-canucks @barzysreputation
regular taglist (join here): @heatherawoowoo @4ambagelbites @tysonjost-taylorsversion @2manytabsopen @stars-canucks @lorrmorr @fallinallincurls @plds2000
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sorryjustafangirl · 2 years
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hello everyone! 'tis the season and i come bearing gifts! these fics will vary in holiday theme and most will be around relatively short but i am so excited to be able to pop these out for everyone! hope you all enjoy!
here's the approximate schedule:
november 20: first christmas market (elias pettersson x fem!reader)
november 24: winter wonderland (matthew tkachuk x fem/gn!reader)
november 28: hanukkah, oh hanukkah (anthony beauvillier x jewish!gn!reader)
december 4: a christmas miracle (jamie oleksiak x gn!reader)
december 10: underneath the mistletoe (nathan mackinnon x gn!reader)
december 15: cookie disastor (tyson jost x gn!reader)
december 19: sparkles and hot chocolate (cale makar x gn!reader)
december 23: calling to say (mat barzal x gn!reader)
december 26: kwanzaa time! (tyson jost x gn!reader)
december 30: new year, new...us? (bowen byram x gn!reader) (for emmie <3)
i'll also be hosting a winteresque sleepover (during my exam break) for any soft holiday/winter related ideas you want to share to get us through that last little push of work!
here's the link to join my taglist for the themed fics if you don't want to miss any :)
everything will be tagged 'abby's christmas vacation' if you want to block that and i am so excited to get into the holiday spirit with all y'all!
tagging some people so this doesn't flop: @calgarycanuck @2manytabsopen@ghostyjosty @softboybarzal @laurenairay @joelsfarabees @owennpower @bb-nhlqueen7 @fallinallincurls @hotgirlhockey
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