#marbleloverofliberty

[threefrancfeuilly]

marblelover-ofliberty

[Text] Non, non. It’s the first weekend of December, I think.

[text] Putain, I thought I was a dead man.

#marbleloverofliberty

[throughthefumes]

neither lost nor found ix

The summer grew warmer and Grantaire’s graduation day arrived.

Not knowing exactly where he stood with Grantaire, Enjolras almost didn’t go to the ceremony. They hadn’t spoken since that disastrous dinner where he’d made it very very clear that he was to move on with his life. He’d wanted to text him after Finn left, after that humiliating moment at the train station, just to talk things through because everything always made more sense when Grantaire could talk him through it, but that wasn’t the sort of thing they could talk about even if they were just friends.

In the days leading up to the ceremony, Ferre and Jehan and the rest of Les Amis had done their best to convince him to go. They’d hide him among the group, would be there to buffer any awkward confrontation, would sneak him out if he needed to go, it’s important to Grantaire that you’re there. But if it was so important, why didn’t he tell him that himself?

The morning of, Ferre sent Enjolras one last text. We’ll save you a seat in case you change your mind. He wouldn’t change his mind, he told himself, pouring another cup of coffee and settling down to read the paper. He couldn’t face Grantaire after everything that had happened, couldn’t imagine that after weeks of silence, Grantaire would even expect or want to see Enjolras at his graduation ceremony.

But god, it was Grantaire’s graduation ceremony. How long had Enjolras been encouraging him, cheering him on, supporting him, believing in him, and Grantaire had finally made it to this day? And he would miss that over some silly pride?

Enjolras didn’t have time to shower or shave; he threw his mess of a hair up and found a clean suit and tie and by the time he made it to the venue, the ceremony had already started. He sank into a seat in the back, and waited waited waited until finally, he heard Rémi Grantaire and his heart swelled his pride and his eyes with tears and he, along with Les Amis who sat much closer to the stage, stood and hollered and clapped and cheered as he made his way across stage.

He intended to sneak out once the ceremony was done, fearful of running into Les Amis who would make him stay or, worse, Grantaire and his family. But in a building that was very unfamiliar to him, Enjolras got turned around looking for the exit and ended up in a small hallway that definitely did not lead out.

“Oh, dieu, sorry,” Enjolras said, having bumped shoulders with someone as he tried to navigate back out. He gasped when he recognized who it was. “Grantaire. Hey.”

Grantaire’s mouth fell open, his eyes wide as he gaped wordlessly up at Enjolras. Something squeezed hard in his chest as his mind processed that it was Enjolras. Enjolras was here, standing right in front of him. He clutched his diploma and mortarboard close to him. The venue was crowded, guests and graduates alike flooding out to mingle in the bar. The whole day had been difficult - exhausting. He was just trying to return his hired robes so he could say goodbye to Les Amis and his family without feeling like an idiot. And now here was Enjolras in the middle of the sea.

“I didn’t think you were coming,” he said. “I didn’t see you with…”

“I didn’t think I was coming either,” Enjolras admitted with a soft laugh. “You, ah… you looked great up there. Congratulations.”

Before Grantaire quite knew what he was doing, he’d stepped forward and thrown his arms around Enjolras, holding him as tightly as he could with his hands full.

Enjolras wrapped his arms around Grantaire without missing a single beat, holding him tight and pressing his face into the crook of his neck. He felt weak in the knees.

“I’m proud of you, R.”

Grantaire broke away with a slightly self-conscious laugh. “I’m really glad you could come,” he said, looking down at his shoes.

Enjolras smiled, relieved to hear him say that. “I wasn’t sure if the invitation was still valid.”

Grantaire looked up at him again, gaze troubled but expression still largely relieved. “Non, of course it’s still valid,” he said. “How long have you got? I’ve got to return all this, but then we could catch up? Or we could… Do you want to go for coffee or something sometime this week?”

Enjolras’ eyes widened. After all that silence, he wouldn’t have expected Grantaire to invite him out. He didn’t think he’d ever want to see him again.

“We could do something this week,” he said. “I’m sure your parents want to take you out to celebrate.”

Grantaire nodded, scrunching his nose up, though he was smiling. Maybe all Enjolras had needed was time, just like he’d hoped, and now it was all behind them (he would keep it all behind him; he would, he could) and they could start working on being friends again. Or, at least, not strangers. He couldn’t stand the thought of ever being strangers.

“Everyone else is here. I mean, Combeferre and Jehan are here, and we’re meeting the others later,” he said. “But… They don’t know you’re here, do they? I mean, do you want to come say hi?”

“Ah, non, they don’t,” Enjolras said, unable to look away from Grantaire. He looked so happy, and it took a great deal of strength to not lean in to kiss that smile. “Honestly, I was trying to sneak out of here without causing a scene.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said, his smile faltering. “I, ah… Don’t let me stop you. And, t’sais, don’t worry about the coffee, if you’re… I’m sure you’re busy and everything.”

“Non non non,” Enjolras said quickly, reaching out his hand to grab Grantaire’s arm. He breathed a self-conscious laugh. “Non, that’s not what I meant, I just… I didn’t know how this was going to go, tu sais, seeing each other after… I didn’t want a crowd.”

Grantaire didn’t understand, but so much and so little had happened over the past few months that he didn’t expect to be able to so easily. He nodded, touching his fingertips to Enjolras’ hand on his arm. His skin was singing beneath his touch.

“Oui, okay,” he said. “So, ah… coffee? This week?”

Enjolras gazed down at their hands and back up at Grantaire, struggling to come up with something coherent to say when every nerve in his body felt electrified. He wondered if Grantaire still felt it too. He managed a smile, squeezing his arm before letting go.

“We don’t have to get coffee. We can get ice cream or something, whatever you want. I’d like to treat you to celebrate today.”

Grantaire smiled up at him. “Ice cream sounds great,” he said. “When are you free?”

“Whenever,” Enjolras said with a shrug. “I have too much free time.”

“You’re not working yet?” Grantaire asked.

“Setting up a firm takes a lot longer than I thought it would,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh. “And all those damn university kids are taking up all the volunteering opportunities.”

“Ah, you’ll get there. I’m glad you’re still working on it,” Grantaire said. “I’m free this weekend? Saturday afternoon?”

“Saturday sounds good. Our usual place?”

Grantaire smiled. “Parfait,” he said. He took a deep breath. “Okay, I have to return

these robes and get back to the others. But thank you for coming. It really… It really means a lot.”

“I’m really glad I came,” Enjolras said, smiling too. He slid his hands into his pockets to stop himself from reaching for another hug. “Can you, ah… point the way out?”

“Oh, oui, of course,” Grantaire laughed. “It’s just back down that way, then you turn left, instead of right down this corridor.”

“Ah, that’s where I went wrong, merci,” Enjolras said, laughing too. He took a step back, not quite able to make himself turn away. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

“See you Saturday,” Grantaire echoed, turning with a smile to watch him go.

With a little wave, Enjolras turned on his heel to walk away, the halls unfortunately too full to navigate backwards. He felt much lighter now than he had in weeks, and he realized that even if Grantaire didn’t reciprocate his deeply rooted feelings, having him in his life as a friend was better than not having him at all.

The rest of the celebrations were a blur for Grantaire, as was the rest of his week at work. As busy as he tried to keep himself, he couldn’t push Enjolras out of his mind. He tried to manage his expectations; it would just be a quick coffee. They’d catch each other up on work. He’d tell Enjolras about his plans for the rest of the summer and ask about his plans for his business. Maybe Les Amis meetings would start up again with the new academic year. Maybe they’d each be a regular part of the other’s life again. Maybe they’d just meet every few months for coffee and a catch up. Grantaire told himself he’d be happy with anything.

Saturday arrived and he maybe spent a little more time than usual showering and shaving and getting dressed in clothes he’d probably only usually wear to work, never on a weekend, aside from the jeans. He made it to the ice cream parlour a little early too, but that didn’t matter. It had been their regular place when they’d lived together and he hadn’t been since; there were lots of new flavours in the counter to look at, as well as a couple of new drinks. He ordered his usual hot chocolate and a coffee for Enjolras, and grabbed a table in the corner by the window to wait.

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough for Enjolras. He counted the days, the hours, and, on the day of, the minutes until he could leave for the ice cream parlor and not be there too early. He had to remind himself over and over that this was a casual meeting between friends, tell himself that he was happy enough just to have Grantaire back in his life. He wondered if this was how it had been for Grantaire all those years before they’d started dating, being so helplessly in love that any kind of time or attention from him would do. Enjolras felt pathetic with it, but he would take what he could get.

Enjolras dressed casually, shorts and t-shirt and a pair of sneakers, welcoming the summer sun to warm up his skin. He arrived not long after Grantaire, unable to hang around his apartment when he’d gotten ready so early in the day, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head as he entered the parlor. He spotted Grantaire immediately and his smile reached his eyes as he slid into the seat across from him.

“I can’t believe you beat me here and I’m early.”

Grantaire’s cheeks warmed at the sight of him. He smiled. “I’ve been looking forward to the ice cream,” he joked. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Enjolras said, nudging his foot against Grantaire’s. He gestured to the coffee. “For me?”

“Of course,” Grantaire said, nudging his foot back. “I thought I’d best wait for you before ordering the ice cream though.”

“Merci,” Enjolras said, taking a sip of the coffee. “They look like they have more flavors than the last time we were here. Want to take a look?”

“Oh, I’ve already taken several looks,” Grantaire assured him, getting to his feet. “But I haven’t decided what I want yet. Come on.”

Enjolras laughed, standing and walking to the counter with Grantaire. “What looks good to you?”

Grantaire looked up at him with a smile. “Everything,” he said, turning back to the display. “You should know that they’ve got a new coffee one. See?”

“Well that makes my decision much easier,” Enjolras said, eyes bright. “If you want everything, everything you shall have. It’s my treat, remember?”

“Ah, non,” Grantaire said, nudging him gently. “We never agreed on that. I think I’m going to get mint chocolate chip though.”

Enjolras laughed. “We did. I said I wanted to treat you for your graduation,” he said, nudging Grantaire back. “Mint chocolate chip it is.”

He placed their orders and paid before Grantaire could stop him. “Go sit. I’ll meet you back at the table.”

Grantaire’s smile was a little bit helpless as he backed off, hands raised. “Okay, okay. Merci.”

Enjolras joined Grantaire at the table with their ice cream just a few minutes later. “I grabbed extra napkins,” he said. “Not that I think you won’t finish your ice cream before it starts melting.”

Grantaire grinned at him as he took his ice cream. “Merci, merci, merci,” he said.

Enjolras thought he might melt at the sight of that smile.

“Anytime,” he said, digging into his ice cream.

Grantaire followed suit, only slowing down as it all started to get too cold to eat so quickly.

“This was an excellent idea,” he said happily. “So, how are you, ah? How have you been?”

“Ah, I’m okay,” Enjolras said with a little shrug of his shoulder. “I’m trying to keep busy. Volunteering, doing some pro-bono work down at the courthouse, planning for meetings once everyone gets back from the summer holiday, tu sais. What about you? Any big plans now you’ve graduated?”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Grantaire said, with enthusiasm. He hesitated a little, perhaps for a moment too long, hands tight around his half-empty mug of hot chocolate. “I’m going to be travelling a bit, actually.”

Enjolras raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

Grantaire nodded. “Greece,” he said.

“Greece, wow,” Enjolras breathed. He put his spoon down. “Greece. For how long?”

“Ah… well, it’s not really all decided yet,” Grantaire said, shifting in his seat. “The rest of the summer, at least. Maybe through to the end of the year.”

“The end of the year? That’s…. R, that’s six months.”

Grantaire nodded, eyebrows knitting together. “It’s for work,” he said.

Enjolras couldn’t wrap his mind around it. “For work?”

Grantaire nodded again. “A couple of us from the gallery are going out there. It’s sort of like a commissioned thing? This really rich client… I’m going to be doing a lot of oil painting.”

“Oh, well that’s…” Enjolras took a steadying breath, but didn’t feel any less devastated by the news. He looked more composed, though, and that was an important show for Grantaire. “That’s good, non? That’s a big opportunity. They picked you to go?”

“Ouais,” Grantaire said. He hesitated again, watching Enjolras and trying to work out how he really felt. Was he really pleased for him, or was it all hiding sadness? Did he care at all either way? “It’ll be good money too, I hope. They’ve got this little… complex? Almost? Of these villas for us to stay in, and they’re paying travel and food expenses, on top of a commission for the work, so…”

Enjolras managed a smile for Grantaire, noticing his hesitation. He was truly happy for him, he knew Grantaire would get his big break eventually and here it was. But they were just starting to get back into each other’s lives, and Grantaire was leaving the country.

“That sounds like a dream, R, that’s amazing,” he said. “What determines how long you’ll be gone?”

Grantaire was still watching him worriedly. He rescued a melting glob of ice cream with his spoon before replying.

“I think just how much they want us to do, really. I’m a bit hazy on the details right now,” he admitted. “It kind of all happened in a rush last week and now we’re just trying to book last-minute flights and I’m trying to learn some Greek.” He laughed a little, a nervous sound. “It sounds like a dream and a nightmare.”

“Oh, so you’re leaving soon?”

“Not this Friday, but the one following,” Grantaire said. “So we’ll have the weekend to get settled, and then we start working on the Monday.”

“Wow,” Enjolras breathed, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut. “Wow, that’s… soon.”

Grantaire nodded.

“And you’re definitely going?”

Grantaire nodded again. “I’m definitely going.”

Enjolras nodded too. He couldn’t look at Grantaire anymore.  “Ca va, well… ca va. That’s… good. It’s good.”

Grantaire ate another mouthful of his ice cream, but didn’t really want the rest of it. He’d been so, so excited about this. Two to six months away from everything. A chance to focus on his art and be out there on his own and find out what he was made of these days. Nothing to fall back on. No excuses.

And then he’d met Enjolras again.

“I think Jehan’s planning on visiting at some point,” he ventured, still hesitant. It was obvious now that Enjolras wasn’t as happy about all this as he was trying to appear, though Grantaire couldn’t figure out why. They were done; Enjolras was done with him. He’d accepted that with far greater ease than he’d accepted Enjolras had once fallen in love with him. It made far more sense. His reaction now didn’t.

“That’ll be good for him,” Enjolras said, still struggling to maintain his composure. “And you. Having a familiar face out there. I mean, obviously your coworkers are familiar to you, mais, they’re not Jehan. It’ll be nice for him to travel, he doesn’t get to do that much.”

Grantaire nodded, then took a deep breath. “What about you, ah? Any plans for the rest of the summer?”

Enjolras shook his head. “Non, I’ll just be here.”

“Still working on working for yourself?” Grantaire pressed.

“Ah, ouais,” Enjolras said, trying to shake off the heaviness that had settled over him. “There is a lot of paperwork involved. I’m looking at hiring a business lawyer to make sure I’m filing everything correctly.”

“That sounds like a very sensible idea,” Grantaire said. He could not invite Enjolras to Greece. “I’ve never really thought about the logistics of it.”

“I hadn’t either until I started doing it,” Enjolras said. He didn’t know how much longer he could sit here acting like everything was fine. “But I’m not in any rush.”

“Non, it sounds like you’re in a really good place with everything,” Grantaire said, attempting a smile. “You’re volunteering and everything, t’sais? You’re in a good place.”

“With some things,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh.

Grantaire faltered again. Before, he would have asked. They would have talked it all through. Now, he didn’t know what he was allowed to know, or if Enjolras would be comfortable telling him anything at all.

“Like you said, there’s no rush,” he said finally.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving.”

Grantaire swallowed. He tried to laugh a little, even though Enjolras was chillingly serious. “I can’t either, really. It’s all happened so fast, t’sais? There’s a million things I need to do before I go.”

“I mean we just…” Enjolras gestured vaguely. Once again, he had no idea where they stood, and maybe he’d been reading Grantaire all wrong. “If you need help packing, I’m a pro.”

Grantaire faltered again. “Oui, I bet,” he said. “Did you ever go to Greece while you were travelling?”

Enjolras shook his head. “We talked about going once,” he said softly.

Grantaire swallowed and looked down. He could not ask Enjolras to come with him. He couldn’t.

“Oui, we did,” he said quietly. He risked a glance up at him. “You could always come visit, t’sais. If you ever wanted to.”

Enjolras looked up too. He wasn’t selfish enough to think Grantaire had taken the job to get away from him, but he thought it might have been a reason. “Really?”

“Why not, ah?” Grantaire said, waiting for Enjolras to start making excuses.

“I’d like that,” Enjolras said, still a little hesitant. “If it isn’t going to be… je ne sais pas, weird or anything.”

“I really want to be friends,” Grantaire said, the confession tumbling out of him. The suspicion had grown obvious to him over the past weeks: Enjolras wasn’t in love with him anymore. But he couldn’t stand the way things had been, how awkward, how silent. He needed Enjolras in his life, however he could get him.

“Oh,” Enjolras breathed. Grantaire wanted to be friends, and he still wanted to marry him, and that was something he’d have to come to terms with in time. “Ouais, okay. So do I.”

“You do?” The words were a slightly breathless exhale of relief; Grantaire reached across the table to touch Enjolras’ hand. “Really? You really do?”

Enjolras drew a shaky breath, turning his hand over to press his fingertips to Grantaire’s. He wanted to tell him how much he still loved him, how he’d do anything he wanted him to so long as he didn’t lose him again, but he didn’t feel brave enough to put himself out on that altar.

“I want you in my life.”

Grantaire’s smile was all relief. He squeezed Enjolras’ hand before letting go and sitting back again.

“Thank god,” he said, breathing a laugh. “I’ve been so worried these past few months…”

Enjolras’ hand stayed in the middle of the table. He couldn’t look up at Grantaire.

“I thought you were avoiding me.”

“I mean, ouais, I was,” Grantaire said. “But only because I didn’t think you wanted to see me or hear from me, after everything that happened.”

Enjolras frowned. “After what happened?”

“Everything. Everything that’s been going on since… Well, since before you left, I guess.”

“Grantaire, I… I asked you to come over again and you said it wasn’t a good idea.”

“I wanted to give you space,” Grantaire said. “With Finn and everything.”

“I didn’t want space. I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I wanted space. There was nothing there.”

Grantaire’s expression fell. “But you had a good time, didn’t you? With him?”

“Ouais, sure,” Enjolras said, looking troubled. “But it just wasn’t… anything more.”

Grantaire nodded, chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. He didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. If Enjolras wouldn’t ever be with him again, he at least wanted him to have someone, didn’t he?

“D’you want to talk about it?” he asked. “I mean, not necessarily it. You could just tell me where you took him, what you guys got up to. Stuff like that. Whatever.”

Enjolras breathed a laugh, shifting in his seat. His hands fell back into his lap.

“Je ne sais pas, there’s not much to tell,” he said. “I showed him around the city, we hung out at the apartment. It was casual.”

Grantaire nodded, as though he was used to things Enjolras did being casual. “He seemed really nice,” he said.

“Ouais, he was. He is. It was nice having someone around,” Enjolras said.

“Oui, je sais,” Grantaire said softly.

“He, ah…” Enjolras hesitated, color flushing his cheeks. “We decided to just be friends.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said, looking up. He told himself he was sad for Enjolras, not quietly relieved. “Well, he's an idiot.” He paused. “It wasn't because of me, was it?”

“Non, non,” Enjolras said quickly. “Non, you didn’t… it was… he’s got university. And the distance, tu sais.”

Grantaire shrugged. “People do long distance all the time.”

Enjolras looked down again. “He didn’t want to do it.”

“Sorry,” Grantaire said quickly. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I'm sorry it didn't work out.”

“Non, it’s okay,” Enjolras said with a sigh. “It wouldn’t have worked out even if he hadn’t known-  it just wouldn’t have worked.”

“If he hadn’t known...?” Grantaire prompted despite himself.

“He didn’t know we were engaged,” Enjolras said with a sheepish smile. “I think it spooked him. But even if it hadn’t, my heart wasn’t in it. I tried to make it something, but I just… I couldn’t.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said quietly, looking down. “I… I'm sorry. Are you… Are you glad you tried it out anyway?”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, it’s not your fault,” Enjolras said. “I didn’t know if I could open up to someone else, and now I know I could if I ever wanted to, but I think I’m done with it all. I’m okay on my own.”

Grantaire’s heart hurt. He touched his foot to Enjolras’ under the table. “Good,” he said softly. “That’s good. If you’re okay.”

Enjolras shrugged, leaving his foot rested against Grantaire’s. He’d take what he could get.

“What about you?”

“What about me, ah?” Grantaire asked, as lightly as he could.

“You and Étienne,” Enjolras said, matching Grantaire’s tone. “Did that turn out okay?”

“Oh,” Grantaire said. “Ah… The same thing. We’re better off as friends.”

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras said softly. “I know I complicated things.”

“Non, non,” Grantaire said. “It wasn't… t’sais. We just… We're better as friends,” he ended up saying again. “I think he has a girlfriend now, actually.”

“Oh, well, that’s…I’m sorry, anyway.” Enjolras cleared his throat. “Did he tell you I went to see him?”

Grantaire looked up sharply. “What? When?”

Enjolras’ eyes widened; he immediately regretted confessing that truth. “After you broke up. A few days, maybe.”

Grantaire stared at him, trying to process that. “Why?”

“I thought I could smooth things over,” Enjolras said, shrinking in his seat.

“How? What did you say to him? What did he say?”

“I apologized for… what he saw, how I acted. And I promised that I would be better, tu sais? Stay away so you two could reconcile. He said he would see you at the next meeting and go from there.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said. He thought he probably would have been upset at the time, had he known then, having told Enjolras not to say anything to Étienne. But now… It was sweet that he'd tried. Maybe he should have tried with Finn in return. “I… missed the next meeting. But we… oui, I guess that's what we did.”

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras said again. “I know you didn’t want me to, but I saw how happy he made you and I just couldn’t live with myself knowing that I’d compromised that. I only ever want you to be happy.”

Grantaire didn't know what to say. He nodded, then shrugged.

“Thank you for trying,” he said.

“He said something about how confusing it was trying to be there as your friend when I wasn’t and… well, he was right,” Enjolras said softly. “I should’ve given you more space. I knew I wasn’t ready.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said, still struggling with words. It all felt a long way away now, a long time ago. Étienne was his friend and he was going to Greece next week. He wanted to be sad about it all, but he wasn't, not anymore. It sometimes felt like he’d suffered all his sadness and there simply wasn’t any left there to feel.

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras said quickly. The deep humiliation he felt surfaced in the form of a blush across his face. “I just thought I should tell you because it felt wrong that I hadn’t, but we don’t have to talk about this anymore. We don’t have to talk about any of this anymore, it’s all in the past. It’s all done.”

Grantaire nodded, pressing his lips together. Enjolras couldn’t have made it any clearer. It was over, all of it. Enjolras and Finn, and Rémi and Étienne, and Enjolras and Grantaire. All in the past.

“Oui, I guess you’re right,” Grantaire said sadly.

Enjolras nodded, tilting his head away from Grantaire because he felt his nose start to tingle and he didn’t know if he could hold back tears. Maybe meeting up today had been a mistake. He wasn’t as ready as he thought.

“You’re upset,” Grantaire said worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Enjolras said quietly, shaking his head. “Nothing, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

“Hey, why don’t we finish up here and go for a walk, ah?” Grantaire suggested gently. “It’s such a beautiful day out there.”

Enjolras drew a steadying breath. Things were different, but not unmanageable, and with Grantaire leaving for an undetermined amount of time, he had to take what he could get. He had to accept what he had.

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” he said, managing a smile. “My ice cream is all about melted, anyway.”

“Want me to grab you a straw?” Grantaire teased.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Only if it’s one of those swirly straws,” he said, pushing back in his chair. “Let’s go. The sun is calling me.”

Grantaire smiled, admittedly a little relieved, and got up too, returning their near-empty mugs and bowls to the counter before leading the way outside with Enjolras. It felt strange not to reach for his hand; how many times had they strolled hand-in-hand through these streets in the sunshine before?

“Anywhere you want to go?” he asked.

Enjolras hummed thoughtfully, sliding his sunglasses back down over his eyes and tilting his head to the sun. He slid his hands into his pockets, not trusting he could keep his hands to himself without restraint.

“Luxembourg Garden? We could find a patch of grass to stretch out in.”

“Ah, that sounds heavenly,” Grantaire said, glancing up at Enjolras and immediately regretting it. He was beautiful. He was so, so beautiful. Especially all golden in the sun like this.

“Ouais, it does,” Enjolras agreed with a soft sigh. “It’s not far from here, we can walk, non?”

“Oui, absolutely,” Grantaire said. They couldn't hold hands, but it was nothing but friendly to slip his arm in Enjolras’ and walk arm-in-arm through Paris, was it?

A smile immediately worked its way onto Enjolras’ face, and he stepped in just that much closer to Grantaire to make it easier for their arms to stay hooked together.

“It stays warm year round in Greece, doesn’t it?”

“T’sais, I don’t know,” Grantaire admitted. “I imagine so? Mild, at least.”

“Mmmm, we’ll have to look into it,” Enjolras said. “Make sure you have the right clothing. And sunscreen, you’ll need plenty of sunscreen.”

Grantaire very much liked the “we” aspect of Enjolras’ suggestions. “Ouais, and some killer shades like yours, ah?”

Enjolras laughed. “I have another pair, you’re welcome to them,” he said. “And maybe a hat, too. Do you know if you’ll be working indoors or out?”

“Ah, merci,” Grantaire said. That meant they’d see each other at least one more time before he left. “I should imagine I will be working… wherever the inspiration takes me,” he said with a laugh.

“You have to walk me through this,” Enjolras said, laughing too. “A rich man is flying you and a handful of artists out to Greece just so you will paint whatever you fancy for his personal collection?”

“Exactement,” Grantaire said. “It sounds like something out of a movie, doesn’t it? I don’t know, actually, if it’s all for his personal collection, or if he’s planning a showcase or he has connections with galleries in the area. I think he’s planning on renting the villas out, at least.”

“Well, it certainly sounds like I am going to have some very valuable pieces in my possession,” Enjolras said with a grin. “Original Grantaire works, before he was famous.”

Grantaire let his head fall back as he laughed. “Just make sure I’ve signed them all before I leave,” he teased back.

“You’ll have to come by to do that,” Enjolras said, his smile growing at the sound of his laughter.

“I’ll bring- Ah, merde,” Grantaire said suddenly. “Is there any way you could take Ant while I’m away? I keep meaning to ask Jehan, mais… Maybe between you?”

“Non, I’ll take her,” Enjolras said quickly. “I’m around a lot, it won’t be any problem. I’d love to have her.”

“Oui? You’re sure?” Grantaire checked.

“Oui, of course,” Enjolras said, squeezing Grantaire’s arm. “She’s still partly mine, non?”

“Oui, oui, oui,” Grantaire said vehemently. “But merci anyway. You’re a lifesaver. And she will love staying with you. She still misses you, t’sais.”

Enjolras scrunched up his nose. “I don’t know that she even remembers me. I haven’t been around.”

“Of course she remembers you,” Grantaire said. “You’ll see; she’s going to be so excited to see you again.”

“If you say so,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh. “I’m looking forward to it anyway. She’ll have a balcony again.”

“Ah, dieu, she’ll love that. No windows means no sunbathing for her, sadly.”

“We’ll be fighting over sun patches. My living room gets great light through the day.”

“Ah, oui? I want daily photos. I hope you’re prepared for the responsibility of all this.”

“Oh, I downloaded Snapchat,” Enjolras said, fishing his phone from his pocket. “Courf insisted but I have no idea how to set it up. He said you have it.”

“No way!” Grantaire laughed, letting go of Enjolras’ arm to grab his phone. “Here, I’ll get it all up and running for you.”

Enjolras laughed too. “I can send you pictures through that, right?”

“Oui, just make sure you save them first by pressing… that button there,” Grantaire said, taking a quick photo of the pavement to show him. “In case I don’t screenshot them in time.”

“Ah, ca va,” Enjolras said, taking his phone back from Grantaire and trying himself. “Easy enough. He tried to get me to set up an Instagram account too, but I’m taking it one social media platform at a time.”

“Oh, you’ll need to have mastered Instagram by the time you come visit me,” Grantaire said, smiling at him as he looped arms again. “The area looks beautiful; you’ll want to take so many photos.”

Enjolras smiled helplessly, taking care to let his hand rest on Grantaire’s arm. “Do you have one?”

“Oui, I do,” Grantaire laughed. “But I haven’t used it in ages. I don’t even remember the login at this point. Maybe I’ll try to resurrect it for Greece, ah?”

“You should,” Enjolras said enthusiastically. “We can set mine up today, that way I can keep up with you when you’re gone.”

“I’ll text you, if you like,” Grantaire said. “It doesn’t all have to be indirect communication, does it?”

“Non, it doesn’t,” Enjolras said softly. “You could call, even.”

“Dare I ask for the odd Skype call every now and again?”

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “I think we can swing that.”

“I have really missed you,” Grantaire said, for once completely earnest.

Enjolras’ heart skipped a beat. “I have really missed you, R,” he said. “That’s why I’m so… I’m so happy you have this opportunity, I really am, but I just got you back and now you’re leaving.”

Grantaire swallowed, looking up at him. It would be easy, so so easy, to just lean up a little and kiss him.

“I didn't realise… I thought you hated me. Or were sick of me interrupting everything, at least.”

“God, non, not at all,” Enjolras said quickly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I was just so surprised. It’s big news, tu sais?”

Grantaire nodded, though he wasn't sure what Enjolras was referring to. There'd been so much big news lately.

Enjolras hesitated, sensing they weren’t quite talking about the same thing. But they finally made their way into the gardens, and he wasn’t terribly surprised to find it crowded on such a beautiful day.

“See an open spot?”

“There's normally a few good spots just down here,” Grantaire said, leading the way down one of the paths.

Sure enough, they found a nice spot, drenched in sunlight and away from all the crowds, and Enjolras laid down in the grass with a stretch and satisfied groan.

“You were right. This is heaven.”

Grantaire flopped down onto the grass beside him, a respectable distance from him, though he wanted nothing more than to roll half on top of him and kiss him senseless. “We're lucky with the weather, ah?”

Enjolras hummed happily, closing his eyes and relishing in the heat of the summer sun and Grantaire’s company, and he thought if he could ever stop time and live in one moment for the rest of his life, this would be it.

“I don’t hate you,” he murmured after a while. He turned his head to look at him. “I’ve never hated you.”

Grantaire didn’t dare look at him. He kept his eyes closed, his face inclined up to the sun. “Ah, I’m sure you must have done, once or twice.”

“Never,” Enjolras said, reaching to touch Grantaire’s arm. He wanted to reach for his hand so badly he burned with it. “Not even for a second.”

Grantaire swallowed, holding very still so as not to dislodge Enjolras’ hand or encourage him to move it. “Well, we all always knew you're a saint, ah?”

Enjolras snorted. “Hardly.”

He dared to let his hand linger on Grantaire’s arm, smoothing his thumb over his skin. “You are just so annoyingly likeable,” he teased.

“Mm, if you’d stopped at annoying, I might’ve believed you,” Grantaire said quietly.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “I suppose I do have some of your trust to earn back, ah?”

“Oh, non, non, that’s not what I meant,” Grantaire said quickly, turning to him as he opened his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Enjolras said, giving him a soft smile tinted with regret. “I know I do.”

Grantaire shook his head. “We’ve both done stupid things. Things we regret. Things we’re glad we did, even if they didn’t work out. Clean slate now, okay?”

Enjolras exhaled slowly, a weight lifting from him in light of Grantaire’s forgiveness; he didn’t know if he’d ever be gifted with it for all he’d done to ruin them. He was glad to have his sunglasses hiding the tears springing in his eyes.

“Okay,” he said, and he looked away from Grantaire again before he gave in to the temptation to kiss him.  

“Okay,” Grantaire said again, watching Enjolras for a moment longer before lying back again, closing his eyes to let the sunshine wash over him.

Enjolras needed some outlet for the intimacy he felt now, if he couldn’t kiss Grantaire or tell him he loved him, or he’d burst with it, could feel it rapidly building up inside him. Carefully and casually as he could, Enjolras slid his hand into Grantaire’s, threading their fingers loosely together in case the other man objected.

Grantaire swallowed, all his limbs feeling light. How long had it been since they’d held hands? He adjusted his fingers automatically, until their hands fit together like they’d been made to do so. It didn’t mean anything, he told himself; he and Jehan held hands all the time. It was just something friends did. That was all.

Enjolras sighed softly, releasing the breath of air he’d been holding while waiting to see how Grantaire would react. It was all he could do to leave their hands lying in the grass between them, not lift them up to press his lips against each one of his knuckles. This was enough. It had to be enough.

“I’m happy we can do this,” he said softly.

Grantaire wasn’t sure if Enjolras was talking about spending time together, or about holding hands. “Me too,” he said, either way.

Enjolras tilted his head to smile at him. “Yeah? You’re not just saying that?”

“Of course not,” Grantaire said, squeezing his hand. “Are you?”

Enjolras shook his head. “Not at all,” he said, squeezing back. “After everything, I thought I’d get lucky just to be in the same room as you.”

“I guess we were on the same page with that,” Grantaire said softly.

“We’ll get better,” Enjolras said, smoothing his thumb over Grantaire’s knuckles. “At all of this. This is just a beginning for us.”

Grantaire breathed a laugh. “You’re such an optimist,” he teased.

“One of us has to be, non?” Enjolras said with a smile.

“Oui, I guess so.”

“You guess so?”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “Oui, I guess so,” he said, imitating Enjolras’ tone.

Enjolras laughed. “You’re obnoxious, just let me be happy about this.”

Grantaire turned his head to smile at him. “Obnoxious?” he continued to tease. “Me? Obnoxious?”

“Ouais, obnoxious,” Enjolras said, his laughter growing. “You can’t be serious for more than three minutes.”

“I can too!” Grantaire protested, though it was impossible not to laugh with Enjolras.

“You cannot,” Enjolras said delightedly. “You find a pun or joke in any serious moment and you can’t resist the opportunity.”

“I can! I so can!”

“Prove it. Prove you can be serious for more than three minutes.”

“I will,” Grantaire said, though already, he couldn’t make himself stop smiling.

Enjolras snorted. “My point exactly.”

“You’re not even giving me a chance here!”

“You can’t help yourself, you’re about to start laughing.”

Grantaire pressed his lips together, eyebrows raised defiantly, even though the humour was clear in his expression.

Enjolras lifted his sunglasses up to his forehead, catching Grantaire’s gaze with a challenging smile.

It was all Grantaire could do not to kiss him. He rolled away from him instead, onto his stomach, resting his forehead on his arms to hide his face. There, he could smile all he liked.

Before, Enjolras would have rolled after Grantaire, wrapped his arms around him and coaxed him out of hiding with sweet words and sweeter kisses. Now, missing the warm press of Grantaire’s hand, he clasped his own hands together and placed them behind his head, laughing again.

“I should have bet on it, I could have won big.”

“Non, non, non,” Grantaire said, his voice muffled. “I’m being very serious down here. You just can’t see it.”

“I’m not a religious man,” Enjolras said, smile apparent in his voice. “I don’t tend to believe what I can’t see.”

“Uh huh,” Grantaire said. “So, by that logic, you don’t believe in… air?”

“Ah, see? Not even serious for a minute.”

Grantaire finally risked lifting his head, propping his chin up on his forearms to regard Enjolras as seriously as he could. “I was being deadly serious,” he said. “Your logic sucks.”

Enjolras raised an eyebrow, rolling over onto his side. “Science has proven air exists as the earth’s atmosphere,” he said. “There is no scientific evidence of your solemnity.”

“You won’t take my word for it?” Grantaire asked, ever so solemnly.

Enjolras shook his head. “You have a little twinkle in your eye that you get when you’re trying to work me up.”

Grantaire pointedly closed his eyes. “You can’t see it and science hasn’t proven it, so you can’t really believe that,” he said.

“Closing your eyes doesn’t mean I haven’t already seen it,” Enjolras said, suppressing a laugh. “Do you disappear the moment you leave my sight?”

“You can’t prove that you’ve already seen it,” Grantaire pointed out.

“Ah, if only I had taken a picture,” he said. “That twinkle photographs so well.”

Grantaire opened his eyes, an uncertain smile on his face. “Now you’re trying to wind me up,” he said.

“Non, non it does,” Enjolras said, reaching to dig his phone out of his pocket. “I’m sure I have a picture of it somewhere…”

“Ah, non, don’t,” Grantaire said with a self-conscious laugh, reaching over to push his phone down.

Enjolras smiled, conceding and putting his phone away. “Are you done now?”

Grantaire grinned at him. “Are you?”

Enjolras hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose I’m satisfied,” he said, rolling onto his back again and sliding his sunglasses down over his eyes.

Grantaire snorted a laugh, resting his cheek on his arms so he could relax but keep looking at Enjolras. “I’ve seen you satisfied; you don’t look satisfied now.”

Enjolras laughed, though his cheeks suddenly felt warm. “Non?”

“Non,” Grantaire said. He paused for dramatic effect. “You look like you’ve just been defeated.”

Enjolras gasped, pressing his hand to his chest. “I have not been defeated,” he said, pushing his sunglasses back up to look at him. “I have simply learned when arguing will be productive and when it won’t. It’s called maturing.”

Grantaire laughed delightedly. “You keep telling yourself that, mon ami,” he said.

Enjolras faltered. Mon ami. Friends, they were friends. Maybe Grantaire rolling away had been the best way he’d known how to take his hand from Enjolras. Maybe he’d crossed the line somewhere else, in their teasing or arguing, or maybe he’d slipped up and looked at him in a way that made Grantaire uncomfortable, and he was too afraid to say anything.

“I will,” he said with a smile, inclining his face to the sun again.

Grantaire snorted a laugh and, taking his cue from Enjolras, got comfortable again, closing his eyes and letting the sunshine wash over him.

Enjolras was silent for a long time, his eyes closed and his mind focused on counting his breaths, not giving the overwhelming sadness the time to ruin this beautiful moment between them. The sun was shining and Grantaire was laughing and they were happy now in this time together, even though it was the greatest test of Enjolras’ strength to maintain the boundary Grantaire had so clearly made. He had to be okay in his boundaries.

“Hey.”

Grantaire opened his eyes. He’d been on the verge of drifting off. He looked at Enjolras.

“Ouais?”

Enjolras smiled softly, tilting his head to look at him again.

“I want to spend as much time with you as you can give before you go.”

Grantaire faltered. That was something they might have said to each other, before. He didn’t know what it meant to be told that now. Unless Enjolras was simply so comfortable in their newfound friendship that things like that had no consequence.

“That sounds good to me,” he said softly.

Enjolras exhaled softly, his smile growing. Even though Grantaire was leaving, he felt they were closing the distance between them. He could respect their boundaries while getting the most out of their time left.

“Merci.”

Grantaire shrugged, smiling a little, as if it to say it was nothing, before closing his eyes again. The sun was so warm; even the ground wasn’t cold.

Enjolras followed Grantaire’s lead, and it didn’t take him long before he started drifting off, feeling more at peace than he had in months.

Grantaire dozed for a while, always conscious of Enjolras’ presence beside him. When he opened his eyes again, he didn’t say anything for longer still; the other man looked peaceful and content, and to speak would be to disturb that.

Enjolras came to with a soft sigh, his thoughts having drifted off to a negative place. He rolled his head to the side to get another look at Grantaire, and couldn’t help but smile softly when he saw he was still there.

“You’re coming home, right? Once the sponsorship is over.”

Grantaire’s smile fell a little. “Oui, of course,” he said.

Enjolras wanted to kiss a smile back onto his face. He rolled over onto his side, propping his head up in his hand.

“Have dinner with me.”

Grantaire couldn’t help smiling again. His stomach fluttered until he silently told it to stop. Right now. “When?” he asked.

“Tonight,” Enjolras said, his smile growing. “Tomorrow night. Every night until you go.”

Grantaire laughed, rolling onto his back so Enjolras might not see how flushed his cheeks were. He flung an arm over his face. “Be serious,” he said.

“I am,” Enjolras said, laughing too. He reached to tug at Grantaire’s arm. “I said I wanted as much time with you as I could get.”

“Oui,” Grantaire said, laughing as he lowered his arm and turned his head to regard Enjolras. “But I thought… je ne sais pas, you just wanted to hang out at the weekend or something.”

It was Enjolras’ turn to blush. “Are you too busy during the week?”

“I just have work,” Grantaire said.

“I just want to us to be in a good place before you go,” Enjolras said softly.

“We are,” Grantaire said, for once firm where Enjolras was soft. “No matter what.”

Enjolras smiled a little at that. “You won’t forget me?” he teased.

Grantaire laughed. “As if you’d ever let me.”

“Ah, I tried,” Enjolras said lightly. “You wouldn’t let it happen.”

Grantaire pulled a face at him before settling down again. “Let’s get dinner tonight,” he decided.

“Dinner tonight sounds good,” Enjolras said, laying back again.

Grantaire grinned at him. “Where d’you want to go?”

Enjolras hummed thoughtfully. He couldn’t look directly at Grantaire; he couldn’t control the color of his cheeks looking at that smile.

“Where do you want to go?”

Grantaire was pretty sure there was no way to say your place without sounding flirtatious. He shrugged. Might as well own it.

“Your place or mine?” he teased. “I’ll cook, or we could grab something to take away.”

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Let me cook you dinner, if that’s the way you want to go. I owe you.”

“Non, not at all,” Grantaire said dismissively. “But that does sound good. We can grab Ant on the way back, ah?”

“Dieu, yes,” Enjolras said enthusiastically, rolling to prop himself up on his elbows. “After we stop at the market because I have no food in the house.”

Grantaire laughed, shaking his head at him. “Deal,” he said.

Enjolras sighed softly, a smile still tugging at his lips. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am that we can do this.”

“Oui, me too,” Grantaire said, smiling back at him.

Enjolras reached over to nudge his shoulder, forcing back the urge to kiss him.

“Come on, let’s go. If I stay out here any longer, I’ll sleep the rest of the day away.”

Grantaire groaned dramatically as he got to his feet. “You’re lucky you’re so persuasive,” he said.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Enjolras said with a laugh. He stood and stretched with a groan of his own, adjusting the knot of hair on his head.

“What’re you thinking for dinner?”

Grantaire shrugged. “What d’you fancy?” he asked.

Enjolras hummed. “Je ne sais pas, I have been eating a lot of yogurt for dinner because I haven’t been bothered enough to cook. Well… for every meal, really.”

“You’ve been… eating yoghurt… for every meal?” Grantaire asked.

Enjolras shrugged. “Mostly,” he said with a laugh. “It’s a ready to eat meal.”

“It’s not a meal!” Grantaire laughed. “It’s a snack! If that!”

“I hate grocery shopping,” Enjolras moaned. “I have considered doing online shopping and having it delivered, but you never know what quality of food you’ll get.”

Grantaire gave him a playful shove and started to lead the way out of the gardens. “Alright, we are going to get you stocked up,” he said. “And then we’re going to cook you a big, nutritious meal with plenty of leftovers for the next couple of days. Don’t make me set Feuilly on you - I’ll do it.”

Enjolras laughed, falling into step beside Grantaire and linking their arms again. This was still okay, wasn’t it?

“Feuilly wouldn’t harm a hair on my head,” he said. “But that all sounds good, merci.”

“Bon, bon, bon,” Grantaire said, holding him close. He’d take what he could get.

“We talked about moving in together,” Enjolras recalled with a soft laugh. “Feuilly and me.”

“Really?” Grantaire said, looking up at him.

“Ouais, once or twice,” Enjolras said lightly. “When things were… but he likes where he’s at and I thought it’d be better if I had my own place.”

Grantaire nodded. “Not a bad idea though,” he said.

“Non,” Enjolras agreed thoughtfully. “He’s been really helpful with… all of this.”

Grantaire looked up at him. “Ah, oui?”

Enjolras nodded, and he didn’t notice that his hold on Grantaire’s arm got a little tighter.

“He was there when, ah... at the wedding,” he said. “He’s been checking in, and hanging out and talking things through with me. Ferre’s been pretty busy being, tu sais, married.”

Grantaire swallowed and nodded, looking down, his stomach churning with guilt.

“Ah, anyway,” Enjolras said, clearing his throat. “Feuilly is great. He’ll be happy to hear I’m being fed properly.”

Grantaire smiled a little, giving Enjolras’ arm a squeeze. “I’m glad he’s around,” he said.

“We’re all lucky to have him,” Enjolras said fondly. “Bahorel probably would have pushed me off a balcony if I talked Feuilly into moving in with me, he’s been trying for years.”

“Has he really?” Grantaire laughed, starting to relax again.

“Apparently Bahorel is a messy roommate and Feuilly can’t handle it,” Enjolras said with a shrug. “He might be more of a mess than you are.”

“Oh, dieu, that’s really saying something…”

“Right? I don’t think you ever once managed to get a single piece of clothing into a laundry basket.”

Grantaire breathed a laugh. “Étienne brought home an achievement star chart from school…” he admitted. “I still didn’t manage it.”

“Ah, well…” Enjolras faltered, feeling a little like he’d been punched in the stomach. He hoped a day would come when he wouldn’t feel terrible at the thought of Grantaire with someone else. “Old habits.”

“Ouais…” Grantaire said, sensing the shift in tone again. “Actually, since I moved into this new place, I’ve gotten a lot better, believe it or not. You kind of have to keep things tidy in a place that small. I’d lose Ant otherwise, buried under a mound of dirty socks…”

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Oui, I can imagine,” he said. “Have you been looking at finding a bigger place?”

“Ah, non,” Grantaire said. “There’s not much point now. When I get back, maybe.”

“Oh, right, Greece,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh. “I don’t think that’ll sink in until you’ve left.”

“Non, me neither,” Grantaire admitted.

“It’ll be good,” Enjolras said, in reassurance for the both of them. He smoothed his hand over Grantaire’s arm, only just stopping himself from taking his hand. “I have a good feeling about this.”

Grantaire looked up at him, worry clear in his expression, though he tried to smile. “Oui?” he said.

“Oui.” Enjolras’ returning smile was soft but genuine, and it killed him to let Grantaire go but what choice did he have? He’d go with or without his blessing. “This is such a monumental opportunity for you, and I know seizing something like this is terrifying but you are so ready for this. I can’t wait to see what comes of it.”

Grantaire was quiet. He touched his temple to Enjolras' shoulder, resting his head there for moment as they continued to walk.

“Merci,” he said finally.

Enjolras gently squeezed Grantaire’s arm. He could smell his shampoo and it made his chest tighten and all he wanted to do was press a kiss into his hair.

“And even though you’ll be away, we’ll all still be here for you. You’re never alone.”

“Maybe I'll manage to get you all over there to visit, ah?”

“If you want me there, I’ll be there.”

Grantaire nodded, letting that sink in. “I want you there,” he decided.

Enjolras exhaled softly. He hadn’t expected Grantaire to make that decision now.

“Ca va,” he said. “We’ll get you there and settled, and figure out a good time for a visit then. Does that sound okay?”

“Oui, that sounds good,” Grantaire said. “I'm sure I'll be able to fly back for the odd weekend and stuff too, if I can save up enough. It's not so far away, right?”

“Non, just three or four hours, and tickets are pretty reasonable,” Enjolras said. “Mais, I think Les Amis would be much happier to visit you in Greece.”

Grantaire laughed, relaxing again. “Oui, I bet,” he said.

“Ah, what part of Greece? I don’t think we got to that part.”

“Ah, Crete?” Grantaire said. “I don't know which area offhand… I really need to work on my Greek if I'm going to be able to remember the name of it.”

Enjolras laughed. “When we get back from the market, we can order you some language books off Amazon. You only have two weeks, we need to get you started.”

“Oh dieu,” Grantaire said, breathing a laugh. “I bet Jehan speaks some actually.”

“Oui, probably,” Enjolras agreed. “But you cannot carry him around in your backpack and bring him out when you’ve forgotten how to ask for directions.”

“Ah, I wish,” Grantaire said.

“He could probably fit in your backpack,” Enjolras said thoughtfully. “You may just need to lift some weights to make sure you can carry him.”

Grantaire laughed and teasingly flexed his arm muscles against Enjolras' arm. “I don't know what you’re trying to say about me.”

Enjolras laughed, his cheeks flushing a light shade of pink.

“Are you still kickboxing?”

“Oui, and fencing,” Grantaire said. “Only semi-regularly, mais…”

“Wait until you come back from Greece all cultured and tanned,” Enjolras teased lightly. “You’ll be batting off suitors.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh, shaking his head. “Call me Odysseus, but I think I'm done with suitors,” he said.

“Oh,” Enjolras said, trying to mask his surprise with a soft laugh. “Really?”

“I mean, I was never…” Grantaire said, having inadvertently stumbled on something more personal than their light conversation so far seemed to allow. “Before you…”

Enjolras frowned. “I don’t…I don’t follow. You date. You’ve always dated.”

“Not really,” Grantaire said, with a slightly self-conscious laugh. “Not seriously. I… slept around. I had flings - that's what Jehan used to call them.” He shrugged.

“Oh,” Enjolras breathed. “Well… you never know, tu sais. You could… there was Étienne.”

Grantaire shrugged again. “It's probably for the best.”

“Listen, R…” Enjolras hesitated, mostly in disbelief of the encouragement he was about to give the man he loved. “You never know what will happen. You could meet someone that changes everything. The opportunities are out there, you just have to be open to let them come.”

Grantaire stopped himself from laughing. Enjolras was the someone who'd changed everything. He didn't want anyone, anything else. He never would. Étienne had only proved him right about that conviction.

“Oui, I guess so,” he said vaguely.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to meddle,” Enjolras said quickly, just as uncomfortable as he felt he was making Grantaire, but he was too far in to backtrack. “After just getting out of a relationship and about to go away… I just don’t want you to miss out on anything, and I don’t just mean relationships.”

“Oui, non, je sais,” Grantaire said. He shrugged. “I'm happy. I mean, I'm okay. With how things are.”

“Good,” Enjolras said with a nod. He didn’t know if he could say the same. “That’s… good.”

“It’s something,” Grantaire said, breathing a laugh.

“That I can agree with,” Enjolras said, nudging his shoulder. “Tu sais, you don’t have to pretend to… be or feel anything. I hope you know you can be real with me. I know things are different but I’m still me. We’re still… we’re some kind of us.”

It was all Grantaire could do not to lean up and kiss him. He smiled, a little sadly, and held him a little closer. “You’re still my best friend,” he said. “Like with Jehan, that’s never changed.”

Enjolras’ smile mirrored Grantaire’s. “Back at you.”

“I’m more grateful for that than anything,” Grantaire said earnestly.

Enjolras nodded in agreement. “I didn’t know if I’d be able to do this,” he admitted.

“Je sais,” Grantaire said softly. “Me neither.”

Enjolras sighed softly. He stopped himself from admitting how hard it was to settle with just being Grantaire’s friend when every nerve under his skin still tingled at his touch and every smile directed at him made his heart soar and he clung to even the smallest conversations they had, and no matter what strides he took in moving on, he couldn’t stop tripping over his feet when it came to him.

“Ah, after you,” he said, pulling the door open to the market.

“Merci,” Grantaire said, letting go of his arm to step inside. He grabbed a basket by the door. “Alors, what’s on the non-existent shopping list?”

“Yogurt,” Enjolras teased. “Fruits and vegetables, bread, eggs. The basics. My cupboards are bare.”

“Pasta,” Grantaire added as they headed down the first aisle. “Milk…”

“A small container of milk,” Enjolras said, placing a loaf of bread into the basket. “I never finish it before it goes bad.”

“And I thought you were ambitious,” Grantaire teased. “What fruit and veg do you want, ah?”

“I’m not picky,” Enjolras said with a shrug. “Why don’t you pick some out and I’ll go grab the eggs and pasta?”

“Non, non,” Grantaire reasoned. “I’ll grab the eggs and pasta; you get the fruit and veg. That way you choose.”

Enjolras narrowed his eyes. “Can I trust you to not put ice cream and chocolate in the basket?”

Grantaire pretended to consider the question. “Maybe,” he said, before darting off down the aisle.

Enjolras laughed, shaking his head. He then turned to head for produce, and he didn’t take too long picking out his fruits and vegetables. He only had limited time to spend with Grantaire, he didn’t want to be separated for too long.

Carrying a small armful of produce, he wandered through the aisles searching for Grantaire again.

Grantaire met him in the frozen section, grinning sheepishly. A massive tub of ice cream was poorly hidden beneath a bag of pasta and a box of eggs in the basket.

“Found everything okay?” he asked.

Enjolras was laughing as he put the produce in the basket.

“You are going to have to eat that before you leave.”

“Maybe some of it,” Grantaire said lightly, smiling up at him. “What else do you need?”

Enjolras looked into the basket, pushing things around to examine its contents. “This looks fine,” he said with a shrug. “What should we get for dinner?”

“What d’you fancy?” Grantaire asked. “Something easy.”

“Do you want to make a pizza? We can get some dough, and throw together a salad,” Enjolras suggested. “I will eat the salad, you can pretend you’ll eat the salad.”

“That sounds heavenly,” Grantaire laughed, only just stopping himself from reaching for Enjolras’ hand.

Enjolras smiled. “Ca va, let’s get ingredients and get out of here. I’m dying to get Ant.”

They whizzed round the rest of the supermarket and were back out in the sun before long.

“She’s going to be so excited to see you again,” Grantaire said, looking up at Enjolras.

Enjolras smiled. “Not as excited as I am to see her,” he said. “Why don’t I take these groceries back to the apartment, and you go grab Ant and meet me there?”

“Ah, genius,” Grantaire said, handing his bags over. “I was just going to fret over the ice cream melting and everything.”

Enjolras laughed, and as he leaned in to take the bags from Grantaire, he only just stopped himself, at the very last minute with a tilt of his head and a half-skip back, from pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Ah, oui, that’s what’s I’m here for,” he said. “Go on. Like the wind.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh and waved him off as he headed off, his steps considerably lighter than they’d been that morning.

Enjolras took a quick moment to compose himself, to steady his breaths and get some strength back in his knees, and then realized he’d just agreed to haul five bags of groceries back to his apartment. He sighed, and went off to find the nearest metro stop.

Back at the apartment, he began by unloading the groceries. Then he tidied up and opened some windows and put on a radio station he thought Grantaire might like, and got started on dinner.

Grantaire made it across to Enjolras’ apartment a short while later, Ant mewing her protest at being disturbed from inside her carry case.

“Oui, oui, je sais, je sais,” Grantaire said lightly as he buzzed to be let in. He was admittedly a little nervous. “It’ll all be worth it in a minute, just you wait.”

Enjolras was mid-chop when he heard the buzzer. He dropped his knife and wiped his hands, told himself as he checked himself out in the mirror that he needed to calm down, that they were friends and having dinner with friends was perfectly casual, and crossed the kitchen to the buzzer.

“R? Come on up.”

Grantaire paused in the doorway to Enjolras’ apartment to pick Ant up out of her carry case, knowing she’d want to run for Enjolras as soon as possible.

“Look who it is…” he said, releasing her onto the kitchen floor.

Enjolras gasped when Ant charged at him, and laughed delightedly as she wound between his legs meowing loudly at him until he bent over to scoop her up.

“Hello you,” he cooed softly, rubbing underneath her chin. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Grantaire smiled fondly at the two of them, leaning back against one of the kitchen counters. “Told you it’d be worth it,” he informed Ant. “She was so mad about the carry case.”

“She likes her freedom,” Enjolras said simply, getting Ant perched over his shoulder to get back to cooking. “Help me cut some vegetables for the salad, would you?”

Grantaire feigned a dramatic groan. “I’m not even here five minutes and you steal my cat and set me to work,” he said, grabbing a knife.

“I didn’t steal her, she chose me,” Enjolras said with a smile. “Would it help if I told you I have pineapple to put in the pizza?”

“Ah, oui, that helps a lot,” Grantaire said, laughing a little.

“You are still so easily won,” Enjolras teased. “Let me get you a bowl to put the salad in.”

As he crossed the kitchen to the cupboard he kept the bowls in, Ant leapt from his shoulders and up onto the fridge, and Enjolras laughed in surprise.

“Did you see that? I am but a stepping stone.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh, glancing over at the two of them. “She's gotten really good at climbing - I've rigged up all these shelves round my flat so there's a little more space for her and she loves clambering all over them.”

“Ah, that’s a great idea,” Enjolras said, bringing a bowl over and setting it on the counter. “Maybe I should get some for her stay. Would you help me with that?”

“Oui, if you want,” Grantaire said, trying not to sound surprised. “There's tons of space for her here though - she probably won't need it.”

Enjolras shrugged. “I want her to feel at home,” he said. “And also, the only vertical spaces I have are covered with books and I know she will knock anything over to make space for herself.”

“Especially in the middle of the night,” Grantaire agreed.

“Oui, exactly.” Enjolras set the oven to heat and moved to pull the ingredients for the pizza out of the fridge, making a little cooing noise at Ant as he passed by her. He set to work on the counter opposite Grantaire.

“Have you told the others you’re going to Greece?”

“Ah, oui,” Grantaire said. “More or less.”

“More or less?” Enjolras pressed.

“Jehan knows,” Grantaire said, shrugging.

Enjolras turned to face him, leaning back against the counter. “Are you just going to leave without saying goodbye to anyone?”

“Non, of course not,” Grantaire said, focusing on the lettuce he was slicing up. “I'll tell them. There just hasn't been a good moment yet.”

“They’re going to be happy for you,” Enjolras said, his voice gentler now. “What are you worried about?”

“I'm not worried,” Grantaire said, glancing up at him quickly before looking down again. He shrugged.

Enjolras crossed the kitchen to stand beside Grantaire, nudging his foot with his. “Talk to me, R.”

Grantaire nudged his foot back, feeling distinctly self-conscious. “There's nothing to talk about,” he insisted. “There just hasn't been a good time to tell them. We haven't all been together since y- for ages. It's been ages.”

That was enough to put Enjolras off a conversation. “Right, ca va,” he said, moving away to continue his work on the pizza.

Grantaire glanced over, sensing the shift in atmosphere but not knowing what he'd done to cause it. He kept working on the salad and told himself that this was just evidence that they'd done the right thing, staying friends but nothing more than that. Étienne had been so much more open; nothing like this had ever happened with him and it had been so much easier, so much simpler that way.

Enjolras put the pizza in the oven and set the timer, counting his own breaths to lighten the tightness in his chest. It was his own guilt over leaving that had turned his mood sour, and it wasn’t a fair burden to lay on Grantaire.

He poured two glasses of water and brought one to Grantaire, sipping from his own to wet his dry mouth.

“I’m sorry, I’m making my own assumptions.”

Grantaire thanked him and took a sip of his own water before tossing the rest of the salad into the bowl Enjolras had provided. He regarded him warily for a moment.

“About what?” he asked.

“Je ne sais pas, you just seemed evasive about why you haven’t shared the news,” Enjolras said, frowning slightly. “It felt like there was something you didn’t want to say to me.”

Grantaire shook his head. “I just haven't got round to it yet.”

“Okay,” Enjolras said gently. “I’m sorry. I don’t want things to be weird between us.”

“It's not,” Grantaire said quickly. “Everything's good.” He wanted everything to be good.

Enjolras smiled. “Good,” he said, reaching to squeeze his arm. “I can help you tell them, if you want.”

Grantaire considered the offer for a moment, trying not to pay any attention to the little thrill that still accompanied being touched by Enjolras. “Oui, I mean, it might be nice to get everyone together again before I go.”

“I think so,” Enjolras agreed. “Meetings aren’t going to be the same without you there.”

“Mm, you might actually be able to get a word in edgeways,” Grantaire teased.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Jehan may decide to fill the void,” he said, and took another sip of water before adding, “It’s not going to be the same without you here at all.”

Grantaire swallowed and tried to keep his voice light. “I'll be back before you know it. Then you'll be sick of me all over again and wishing I'd stayed there.”

“When have I ever said I was sick of you?”

Grantaire shook his head.

“I still miss you,” Enjolras admitted softly, not able to look him in the eye.

Grantaire looked up at him. “Oui, I miss you too,” he said, as easily as he could. “We went from… to nothing. Of course we miss each other.”

Enjolras nodded, and he knew that’s not all it was for him, missing what they used to be or missing just having someone around. He missed what they could have been, what they should have been. He missed Grantaire even as he stood there beside him, close but not close enough, as close as he’d ever get now.

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

Grantaire nodded too. It made sense. It did.

“How's that pizza coming along, ah?”

Enjolras cleared his throat. “Ah, should be done any minute now,” he said, moving to turn on the oven light to peer inside. “It’s just starting to brown.”

“It smells amazing.”

“Do you want to get out some plates? We could eat on the balcony, I got a little table and chairs out there since the last time you were here.”

“Ah, parfait,” Grantaire said, digging around for plates and cutlery. “It looks like it's still sunny out there - d’you trust Ant enough to come with us?”

“Oui, she’ll be okay. The bars are similar to our old place.”

The buzzer went off and Enjolras found his mitts to pull the pizza out of the oven, setting it on a cooling rack.

“I have coke if you want something other than water.”

“Water’s good, merci,” Grantaire said. “What do you want to drink?”

“Ah, I thought I’d pound back a few beers. It goes great with pizza.”

“Haven’t you learned your lesson?” Grantaire teased.

Enjolras smiled. “I just wanted to make you laugh,” he said, digging through drawers to find his pizza cutter.

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “Just water for you too then?”

“Just water,” Enjolras said with a nod. He sliced up the pizza and put it on a tray to bring out to the balcony, and picked up the salad in his other hand. “I’ll meet you out there.”

Grantaire headed outside with their glasses of water, whistling at Ant to get her to follow him. She bounded out onto the balcony ahead of him, settling down in a little sunny patch by the door.

“Dieu, she’s more like a dog than a cat, non?” Enjolras said with a laugh, setting the food on the table.

“Oui, I’ve always thought so,” Grantaire said, joining Enjolras at the table. The view from up here was lovely; it was only now he realised that, in his windowless little basement flat, he’d missed sitting out in the sun like this without having to venture out into the city.

Enjolras served out pizza for the both of them and a portion of salad for himself, and as he glanced up at Grantaire, it took his breath away to see him out on his balcony, like all those summer afternoons they’d spent on their balcony, sunlight reflecting in his eyes, looking peaceful and happy as if this was a normal and common thing for them, as if nothing had changed.

“This is nice,” he said. “Thank you for spending today with me.”

“Ah, it’s my pleasure,” Grantaire said with a smile. “Thank you for the pizza.”

Enjolras smiled and he wanted so badly to stretch across the table and steal a kiss from his lips. He settled with resting his foot against Grantaire’s.

“I owed you,” he said with a shrug.

Grantaire shook his head. “You don’t owe me anything,” he said softly.

Enjolras wrinkled his nose but otherwise didn’t argue. They’d wasted so much of their time arguing, and lost a future because of it.

“Pizza is good, non? I added a little extra cheese.”

“Oui, it's perfect,” Grantaire said, smiling at him. “You've become a real little chef during your travels, ah?”

Enjolras resented the way his heart soared being on the receiving end of that smile.

“Ah, I ate out a lot abroad,” he said. “It’s mostly when I got home and Ferre was too busy being married to cook for me anymore.”

Grantaire laughed, shaking his head. “It's weird, isn't it? Having married friends.”

Enjolras’ laugh was weak. His chest felt so much tighter than it had moments before. “Ouais, it is.”

“Especially Lucy. She seems so young somehow.”

Enjolras shrugged. “She was ready.”

Grantaire nodded and took a sip of his water.

Enjolras sighed. “I wonder if I’ll ever be able to talk about Ferre’s marriage without feeling anything but happiness for him.”

Grantaire looked over at him, expression slightly worried. Eventually, he shrugged. “I guess it's just going to take time.”

“I guess so,” Enjolras said, eyes focused out on the quiet street below them. “I mean, I am happy for him. It’s just… tu sais.”

“It's getting easier already, isn't it?” Grantaire asked softly. “I mean… We’re… We couldn't have done this a few weeks ago, right?”

“Non, we couldn’t have,” Enjolras said, because he couldn’t say it was getting easier moving on from Grantaire, from what they were and what they had. He felt the loss of him every single day, when he woke up alone in the mornings and when he came home to an empty apartment and when he reached for his phone to call him to talk about his day but hesitated because he didn’t know if Grantaire would even care. If anything was getting easier, it was masking how much he missed him, how much he still loved him, just for the sake of spending time with him.

Grantaire nodded again and fell silent, watching the street below. He was glad it was getting easier for Enjolras; really, he was glad. That made one of them, at least.

“I don’t want you to think it’s been easy,” Enjolras said quietly after a while. “Because that makes it sound like I don’t care and I do. Very much.”

Grantaire didn't, couldn't look over at him. He swallowed against the lump in his throat.

“Je sais,” he said finally, his voice very soft. “Me too.” He took a deep breath and got to his feet, starting to gather up their plates. “How about some of that ice cream, ah?”

Enjolras wanted to apologize for the boundary he’d very clearly overstepped, though it worried him because he hadn’t thought he’d been too forward. Maybe they’d never be able to speak plainly with each other. He nodded.

“Go ahead,” he said. “I’ll stay out here with Ant.”

Grantaire was a while in the kitchen. He put the dishes in the sink to soak and dug the ice cream and a couple of bowls and spoons out, then stood, leaning against the kitchen counter with his gaze on the ceiling. He felt alarmingly like crying. Part of him wanted to just leave. But it had to be possible, a relationship with Enjolras in which they were both nothing more or less than friends and no part of it hurt like this.

Eventually, he took a deep breath and straightened up again, heading back out into the sunshine on the balcony with the ice cream and bowls.

“It might need to sit in the sun for a minute before it's soft enough to serve,” he said lightly.

“Ah, merci,” Enjolras said, managing a smile for him when just a few moments ago he’d felt on the verge of tears. “You know you will probably end up eating most of mine.”

“No complaints here,” Grantaire said lightly.

Enjolras hesitated. “Ca va?”

Grantaire nodded quickly. “Oui, ca va,” he said. “How are things with your maman, by the way?”

“Oh, ah, fine,” Enjolras said, caught off guard by the question. “They’re fine. She’s been helping me look for office space.”

“Ah, oui, I think you mentioned that,” Grantaire said. “How's the search coming along?”

Enjolras shrugged. “I’ve seen some nice places, but nothing has really clicked. I think she’s getting impatient with me.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “That doesn't surprise me somehow.”

“Everything she’s shown me is too… pompous,” Enjolras said, wrinkling his nose. “I don’t want to be an attorney for the people working out of a palace. I would just work out my flat if it didn’t look so unprofessional.”

“Non? Whyever not?” Grantaire teased. “Don't you want to give them something to aspire to?”

Enjolras rolled his eyes. “You are starting to sound like my maman.”

Grantaire laughed, pleased with himself, then sat up to start dishing up the ice cream.

“You want some right?”

“Some,” Enjolras said with a nod. “Maybe a fraction of what you’re going to have for yourself.”

“You always say that,” Grantaire said, scooping out generous servings for each of them. “Then you always end up stealing some of mine.”

“That is not true,” Enjolras protested with a laugh. “You steal mine.”

“So you'd best have plenty to start with,” Grantaire said, winking at Enjolras.

Enjolras gasped. “I just realized this is your second bowl of ice cream today.”

“Non, it's not,” Grantaire said quickly, but he couldn't help laughing too, before he'd even got the words out.

“I can’t believe you tried to pull one over on me like this,” Enjolras said, struggling to keep a straight face. “I’m hurt you would betray my trust like this.”

Grantaire grinned at him. “I'm surprised you ever expected anything less of me,” he teased. “Here, stop pouting and eat your ice cream.”

Enjolras pushed out his lips in an over exaggerated pout as he picked up his spoon.

“Fine, but I won’t enjoy it.”

“Ah, you will and we both know it.”

“Well considering you shocked me at lunch and my ice cream melted before I could eat it…”

“Then you'd best have another scoop, ah?”

“There are four in here already, R, you need to learn some self-control.”

Grantaire laughed, waving a dismissive hand at him, though Enjolras’ words hit deeper than he let show.

“Hey,” Enjolras said slowly, his eyebrows drawing together. “Should I be calling you Rémi?”

Grantaire’s smile fell. “What? Why?” he said.

“Je ne sais pas, you said that’s what you’re going by lately. At work, with new… people.”

“Oh. Oui. I guess I am. But you’re not new people.” Grantaire shrugged. “Call me whatever you like.”

“What do you want me to call you?”

“Really, whatever you want to,” Grantaire said, breathing a self-conscious laugh.

Enjolras smiled, nudging his foot underneath the table.

“I think I’ll stick with Grantaire.”

Grantaire smiled at him. “I guess if you get really mad at me, you could break out a Rémi. T’sais, the full name effect.”

Enjolras laughed. “I’ll keep that in my arsenal,” he said. “Why did you start going by Rémi anyway? I could hardly get you to tell me your first name.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but not very many people go by their surname,” Grantaire teased. “Especially not at work, stuff like that.”

“I mean, at work it makes sense,” Enjolras agreed. “I went by Aurélien, mais… it’s so formal.”

“Only because you never use it,” Grantaire said, laughing a little.

Enjolras scrunched up his nose. “I did when I was younger, but somewhere around thirteen or fourteen the boys at school started going by surnames and it just stuck.”

“And it was contagious, apparently,” Grantaire said.

“I’m an influencer,” Enjolras teased.

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “That’s one word for it.”

“Oh?” Enjolras said with a laugh. “What’s another?”

Grantaire shook his head with a closed-mouth smile.

Enjolras gasped, playfully shoving Grantaire’s shoulder. “What’s another, ah?”

Grantaire laughed, swinging forward to squeeze Enjolras’ side to tickle him. “Nothing!”

Enjolras squirmed and batted Grantaire’s hand away with a laugh. “That is a cheap shot!”

Grantaire grinned at him and relented. “Hush. Eat your ice cream.”

“I cannot take this abuse,” Enjolras said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Grantaire laughed, shaking his head at him, before stealing his ice cream bowl. “Fine, don’t,” he said.

“First you insult me, and then you steal from me,” Enjolras said solemnly, shaking his head. “Do you even like me?”

Grantaire’s smile fell a little. He loved him. He loved him; that was the problem.

“Eh, you’re growing on me,” he teased.

“That is a first,” Enjolras said, stealing his ice cream back and taking a bite. “I make a great first impression.”

“It’s a shame I don’t,” Grantaire laughed. “You hated me.”

“Ah, dieu, not this again,” Enjolras said, laughing too. “I did not hate you. I never hated you. I don’t hate people.”

“You hated a lot about me then,” Grantaire said, waving a dismissive hand. “Quite rightly too. I was a royal pain in your arse.”

“I disliked a lot about you,” Enjolras corrected him. “Including the fact that you were, indeed, a royal pain.”

Grantaire laughed gleefully, clearly pleased with himself.

Enjolras rolled his eyes, though he was smiling. “You’re not so bad now,” he teased.

“Non?” Grantaire laughed. “Not so bad?”

Enjolras grinned. “Non, not so bad. In fact, you’re only a pain in something small, like… a fingertip.”

“That’s it?” Grantaire asked, pretending to be outraged. “All my hard work, and a fingertip is all I get?”

Enjolras grinned. “You let up a lot in the past few years,” he said with a shrug. “You’ve not been nearly as purposefully annoying.”

“I’ll have to try harder,” Grantaire said, smiling at him.

Enjolras groaned. “Don’t do that to me,” he said. “I like when we get along.”

Grantaire laughed. “We’ll see, we’ll see…”

“You can’t annoy me,” Enjolras said, laughing too. “Or else I’ll be glad to have oceans and countries between us.”

“Ah, c’est vrai,” Grantaire said, mockingly rueful.

Enjolras laughed and leaned over to steal a spoonful of his ice cream. “Who will you torment in Greece, hm?”

“Well, you, I hope,” Grantaire said, stealing a spoonful of Enjolras’. “If you can come visit.”

Enjolras softened. “I will,” he said. “I promise I will.”

“Oui?” Grantaire said, looking over at him with a smile.

Enjolras wanted so badly to lean over and kiss that smile from his lips.

“Will you have time for me?”

“Oh, always,” Grantaire said. He was smiling still, but his words were completely sincere.

Enjolras ducked his head and took another spoonful of ice cream, his cheeks a soft shade of pink.

“Ah, you say that now. Wait until you’re famous and being flown all over the world for your art.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “Like that will ever happen.”

“You can’t say that,” Enjolras said. “You never would have thought you’d get flown to Greece.”

Grantaire had to admit that was true. “That's just part of work though, t’sais?”

“They chose you. It’s not like everyone at the gallery is going.”

“A ton of us are.”

“They still chose you.”

Grantaire shrugged. “Je suppose.”

Enjolras reached to squeeze his arm. “They chose you. You should be proud.”

Grantaire glanced down at Enjolras’ hand before looking up at him. He smiled a little, shrugging self-consciously. “Ah, I have you to do that for me,” he teased.

“And proud, I will be,” Enjolras said with a bright smile.

Grantaire pulled a face at him before scooping up the last mouthful of his ice cream and offering the bowl to Ant.

“It's a bad habit, je sais, je sais,” he said, before Enjolras could protest. “But she loves ice cream just as much as I do. You saw her watching me the whole we were eating, non?”

Enjolras laughed, halfway to telling Grantaire off. “I did, but dairy is not good for her stomach.”

“It's a tiny, tiny bit,” Grantaire said. “And I only give in every so often. This is not a regular thing, and don't let her tell you otherwise while she's living with you.”

“She better live it up now,” Enjolras said sternly. “She won’t get ice cream with me.”

Grantaire gasped. “Enjolras!”

Enjolras shook his head. “I can’t enable this habit.”

“That's it,” Grantaire declared. “I'm taking her with me.”

“You can’t put her through a plane ride, that’s cruel,” Enjolras said. “She hates the metro.”

“I'll travel by ferry,” Grantaire decided. He laughed. “Can you even do that? What route would you have to take?”

“Ah, I’m not sure,” Enjolras said, frowning as he thought about it. “It would be quite a ride to even get to the sea. You’d have to get around Italy.”

“I guess you'll have to surrender then,” Grantaire concluded, smiling across the table at Enjolras.

Enjolras raised an eyebrow. “Why do I have to surrender?”

“Otherwise, you will be complicit in shipping this cat to another country on an airplane.”

“You could surrender,” Enjolras countered. “She doesn’t need ice cream.”

“Mm, non, those are my terms,” Grantaire said lightly, in that exact tone of voice he used to use to wind Enjolras up during meetings.

Enjolras narrowed his eyes. “You would rather cause her a great deal of stress and trauma?”

“You would?” Grantaire countered.

“Not giving her ice cream is not causing her a great deal of stress and trauma.”

Grantaire laughed and shook his head as Ant finished licking the bowl and hopped up onto his lap. He kissed her head, scratching behind her ears. “Ah, I would never, petite.”

“I will get her some special cat treats,” Enjolras said, smiling fondly at the two of them. “Catnip. Wet food. Cat grass. It’ll be fine.”

Grantaire smiled up at him. “Ah, merci,” he said. “She'll love that.”

“And those wall pieces so she can climb,” Enjolras said. “I’ll have to go shopping.”

Grantaire laughed. “Well, I'm glad I'll be keeping you busy, at least.”

“Ah, hopefully things will get rolling with the firm,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “I’m going crazy trying to find things to do.”

“Oui, I bet,” Grantaire said. He hesitated. “Will you still be able to visit, if things start rolling soon?”

“I’m my own boss,” Enjolras said with a grin. “I make my own hours.”

“Oui,” Grantaire said, breathing a laugh. “But still…”

“I’ll be there, R,” Enjolras said, serious now. “I promised, non?”

Grantaire nodded. “Oui, but it's okay if work gets in the way, t’sais?”

“It won’t,” Enjolras said simply.

“Oui, but if it does…”

“But it won’t. I know how to take breaks now and again.”

Grantaire nodded, falling silent. He stroked Ant, who was getting comfortable in the sunshine beaming down on his lap.

“Ca va?” Enjolras asked.

Grantaire nodded, glancing up at him with a small smile. “Ca va?”

Enjolras nodded. “I don’t want you to worry about this. Any of this.”

“I'm not worried,” Grantaire said quickly. “Why? Are you worried?”

“Je ne sais pas,” Enjolras admitted with a laugh.

Grantaire softened. “What are you worried about?” he asked gently.

Enjolras shrugged, his eyes focused on something beyond the balcony. “It’s far,” he said. “And it’s a long time to be away.”

“It's no farther than you've been lately, ah?” Grantaire said softly. “And it's not so long. It'll fly by. You'll visit me and I'll visit you. I'll be back before you know it.”

“Non, je sais.” Enjolras was frowning; he didn’t know how to articulate what worried him, or if he could even admit to it. “It’s just… different. And all that distance changes things.”

Grantaire looked over at him, safe to regard him at length all the while Enjolras was looking away.

“Oui, but we've never really changed, have we?” he said, very softly. “There's something about us... Our relationship, that never changes, does it?”

Enjolras glanced up at Grantaire, his heart suddenly thudding in his chest. He knew what it was for him, that he was still in love with Grantaire and always would be and no matter where they were or what might happen between them, nothing could change that. He didn’t know what Grantaire thought it was.

“Non, you’re right.”

Grantaire smiled at him before looking down at Ant again. “So, nothing to worry about, ah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Grantaire looked up again, stomach fluttering. “What is it?” he asked.

Enjolras inhaled softly, looking away again to keep his nerve. “That kiss…”

Grantaire swallowed, hard. “I'm sorry,” he hastened to say. “I should never have… I was upset and I just… I'm sorry.”

“Oh,” Enjolras breathed, trying to mask his disappointment. “So just… you were just upset?”

Grantaire nodded quickly, desperate not to ruin this tentative friendship they'd managed to settle into. “I'm really sorry,” he said. “It won't happen again.”

“Non, right, sure, it’s fine,” Enjolras said lightly, feeling a little like his heart was breaking all over again. He didn’t know why he chased every little light of hope when he knew how it would end. “I don’t know why I even brought it up. I’m sorry.”

Grantaire shook his head and touched his hand to Enjolras' before considering that that maybe wasn't the best tactic to employ when you were trying to convince someone you weren't still in love with them. “It's okay,” he said. “It's all good.”

Enjolras’ fingers twitched and he wouldn’t let himself take Grantaire’s hand to hold, wouldn’t let himself fall for any kind gesture of his and interpret it the way that suited his deeply-rooted desires. He couldn’t make Grantaire love him again.

He smiled. “Want to help me clean up?”

“Non,” Grantaire said with a mischievous smile. “But I will.”

Enjolras rolled his eyes and stood, gathering up their spoons and bowls and the remainder of the ice cream.

“You left the dinner plates in the sink, didn’t you?” he said, moving to head inside.

“Oui,” Grantaire said, following after him with Ant in his arms. “But I’ll help clean them up now.”

Enjolras laughed. “It’s okay, I was just teasing you,” he said. “Here, I’ll wash, you dry.”

Grantaire set Ant down and grabbed a tea towel before taking up his station beside the sink.

“I’ve kind of missed this,” he admitted. “T’sais, all that teamwork stuff you get to do when you live with someone.”

Enjolras exhaled softly, his breath a little shaky. He couldn’t let a comment so small break his composure.

“So have I. Although, there are a lot less dishes to do when you’re on your own,” he teased lightly.

“C’est vrai,” Grantaire said, glancing over at Enjolras with a small smile.

Enjolras returned Grantaire’s smile with one of his own, nudging him with his elbow.

“You can always come over and help me with my chores if you miss doing them so much.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “Not that much.”

“Ah, come on,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “Don’t you miss changing the bedsheets?”

“My enemy,” Grantaire laughed.

“You were about as useful as Ant with the bedsheets,” Enjolras agreed.

“Hey, I never chewed on them.”

“But you have sprawled across the bed and made it impossible to put the sheets on.”

“That worked out pretty well for you in the end, I seem to remember,” Grantaire teased, smirking.

Enjolras’ face flushed at the memory and he turned his head quickly to hide it from Grantaire.

“Now I think you did that on purpose.”

Grantaire grinned. “No comment.”

Enjolras breathed a laugh, and it was all he could do to stop himself from stealing a kiss from Grantaire. It wasn’t fair for him to tease him like this.

“You have always been cruel.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh, flicking the tea towel at him before continuing to dry the washing up.

“How long can I keep you here?”

Grantaire softened, finding himself smiling a little. “As long as you like,” he said.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “You’d better put a limit on that.”

“I mean, I have to get Ant home for dinner,” Grantaire said with a shrug. “But she’s pretty flexible with feeding times.”

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Enjolras asked, finishing up the last dish and moving to put away the ones Grantaire had dried.

“Oui, that sounds good,” Grantaire said, brightening. He even dropped the tea towel to help Enjolras finish putting the dishes away, though he fast realised he didn’t know where anything belonged. He ended up passing them to Enjolras with a little laugh. “What do you want to watch?”

Enjolras shrugged and laughed softly too. “Je ne sais pas, I still don’t have any taste in movies. I thought you might know something good to watch.”

“Ah, you know my defaults,” Grantaire said. “Hercules… Moulin Rouge…”

Enjolras hummed. “Have we watched Moulin Rouge together? I think that’s your go-to with Jehan.”

“Ah, je ne sais pas,” Grantaire said. “Have you seen it?”

“Non, I don’t think so,” Enjolras said. “What’s it about?”

“Take a guess,” Grantaire laughed.

“I could, but I have a feeling it’s so much more,” Enjolras said, putting the last dish away. “Is there anything else you want before we get settled?”

“Non, I’m good, merci,” Grantaire said. “You?”

Enjolras shook his head and without thinking before acting, he took Grantaire by the hand to lead him out into the living room.

“I don’t own it, will we be able to find it online?”

“Ah, oui,” Grantaire said, after a slight, startled pause. He didn’t pull his hand free. “I think so.”

“Bon, let me just go grab my laptop,” Enjolras said, squeezing Grantaire’s hand before letting go. “Why don’t you open the balcony door? We can get a nice breeze.”

“Oui, that sounds good,” Grantaire said. He felt a little adrift as he broke away from Enjolras to open the balcony door and gather up Ant before finding a spot on the sofa with her.

Enjolras fetched his laptop from where he’d left it on his bed earlier that morning and joined Grantaire back out in the living room, smiling fondly at him and Ant. He set the laptop on the coffee table and perched himself on the edge of the sofa.

“Do I just search for the title?”

“Ah, non,” Grantaire said, leaning forward. “That’ll probably just come up with the… actual Moulin Rouge. Here, let me.”

“Oh, sure,” Enjolras said with a soft laugh, nudging the laptop towards him. He stole Ant from Grantaire’s lap and sat back, scratching the top of her head.

“Thief,” Grantaire said mildly. Within minutes, he had the movie pulled up and set the laptop back down to sit back and get comfortable again.

Enjolras naturally shifted in towards Grantaire, settling into the sofa with his shoulder pressed against his and Ant curled on his lap.

“I’m afraid of what you’ve gotten me into.”

“Mm, you probably should be,” Grantaire replied, trying very hard to concentrate on the movie and not on the way Enjolras was leaning against him.

It dawned on Enjolras slowly, as the movie started and the music began, and he looked over at Grantaire in horror.

“Is this a musical?”

Grantaire looked back at him, trying his hardest not to look too gleeful. “Oui,” he said lightly.

“Grantaire,” Enjolras gasped. “I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

“Oh, you can,” Grantaire teased, resting his head on Enjolras’ shoulder.

“Lucky you’re going away or I would never sit through this with you,” Enjolras said, just about to press a kiss into Grantaire’s hair but thinking the better of it last second. He rested his cheek against the top of his head instead.  

“Maybe I’ll have to leave more often,” Grantaire said, closing his eyes for just a second.

“Non non non, don’t say that,” Enjolras said, looping his arm through Grantaire’s. “This is too much already.”

“Ah, it’ll all be okay,” Grantaire said, trying to believe it himself.

“Je sais, je sais,” Enjolras said with a sigh. “Remember when I was meant to go to Marseille for that internship?”

“Oui, I remember,” Grantaire said softly.

“Don’t do what I did,” Enjolras said. “Get on the plane.”

Grantaire fell silent for a long time. Did Enjolras regret it? How much of it all did he regret?

“Oui, I’ll try,” he said finally, his voice very small.

Enjolras sat up quickly. “That didn’t come out right,” he said. “I just mean… there’s nothing here holding you back. It’s all… settled, tu sais? You can go and focus on your work and your art without any worry of what’s going to happen here. I don’t regret what I did, but I think you would.”

Grantaire nodded, though none of that was reassuring. It was all just depressing really. Had he been holding Enjolras back all this time? “Oui, je sais,” he said softly.

Enjolras sighed after a long moment of trying and failing miserably to find the words to say what he really meant. He settled back down against Grantaire, sliding his hand inside of his.

Grantaire’s skin tingled. More instinctively than deliberately, he laced his fingers with Enjolras’ and got comfortable again.

Enjolras’ mind drifted off as they watched the movie, not because he was disinterested in it but because he was so distracted by the familiar solidity of Grantaire settled against him, the warm press of their palms and the way their fingers slotted together so perfectly. He could almost believe like nothing had changed between them, like this was another quiet evening at home and Grantaire still loved Enjolras the way he ached for him to, would secretly cling to that feeling as long as he could, even though so much had changed and so much inevitably would still with Grantaire going away. He didn’t know if they’d ever be like this again.

He sniffled, surprising himself too, and turned his head to cover it with a cough.

Grantaire glanced over, eyebrows knitted together. “What’s wrong?” he asked. He nudged Enjolras gently. “We haven’t even got to the really sad part of the movie yet.”

“Ah, non, nothing, I’m okay,” Enjolras said lightly, nudging him back. “Just a tickle in my throat.”

Grantaire looked at him a moment longer but didn’t say anything further, just squeezed Enjolras’ hand tight as he turned his attention back to the film.

Enjolras held Grantaire’s hand between both of his and he didn’t tilt his head to steal a kiss from his lips, even though he was so close and that lingering look set his heart racing. He wondered how Grantaire used to stand it, and he would have asked if it wouldn’t have given him away.

“So, what do you think?” Grantaire asked, turning to scrutinise Enjolras as the end credits started playing.

“Ah, well,” Enjolras said with a laugh, his nose wrinkled. “It was… interesting. I recognized some of the music.”

“Oui? You did?” Grantaire asked, smiling at him.

Enjolras melted at that smile, and he bit on the inside of his lip to stop himself from kissing him. He wondered if that urge would ever fade away.

“Oui, are you impressed?”

“Oh, extremely,” Grantaire assured him.

“That’s mostly your doing,” Enjolras said, nudging his shoulder.

“I’m very proud.”

“Something had to stick, ah? Your music taste isn’t the worst.”

“Isn’t the worst?” Grantaire repeated, outraged. “Whose is better? Whose?”

Enjolras grinned. “Feuilly is into some really interesting stuff,” he teased.

Grantaire clutched his heart and fell back onto the sofa in feigned agony. “Feuilly! Always Feuilly. I can’t compete.”

Enjolras laughed, and he remembered a time when he would have followed after Grantaire and peppered his face with kisses.

“Ah, you know there’s no competition.”

“Oui, because Feuilly wipes the floor with everyone else!”

Heat prickled Enjolras’ cheeks; that’s not what he’d meant at all, but he couldn’t correct Grantaire.

“We’ve always had a special bond,” he said with a shrug.

Grantaire laughed. “Oh, dieu,” he said. “Je sais, je sais. We all know.”

“Ah, it’s true,” Enjolras said with a sigh. “It has been the source of many an argument between me and Combeferre.”

“Oui, I bet,” Grantaire teased.

“Although, not recently,” Enjolras said woefully. “Not since he’s been domesticated.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “A true tragedy, non?”

“Ah, it’s just different,” Enjolras said, shifting back to lean against the arm of the sofa. He touched his toes lighty to Grantaire’s. “I didn’t think it would change things much, mais… he has a wife now, tu sais?”

Grantaire nodded. Combeferre had a wife and Enjolras did not have a husband. “Give it time,” he said softly. “Things will settle in.”

“Oui, it’s only been a few months,” Enjolras said, though he was frowning slightly.

“What is it?” Grantaire prompted gently.

“I thought it would be me,” Enjolras admitted softly. “It’s still… strange that it didn’t happen.”

Grantaire swallowed and looked down. “I’m sorry that it wasn’t,” he said, very quietly.

“Non, non, it’s…” Fine? Okay? It wasn’t really either of those things. “It just is. He’s better suited for it anyway, ah? Married life.”

Grantaire had to agree with that. He nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras sighed, nudging Grantaire’s foot with his own. “I don’t mean to be a downer, I don’t… we don’t have to talk about it. Let’s not talk about it.”

“I should head back to my place anyway,” Grantaire said, taking a deep breath. “Someone needs her dinner, ah?”

“Right, yeah,” Enjolras said with a quick nod, drawing his legs close again. He couldn’t look up at Grantaire. “It’s late, I’m sure she’s starved.”

Grantaire hesitated, looking at Enjolras for a long moment, before getting to his feet and gathering Ant up in his arms. “I’ll see you soon though, oui? This was good.”

Enjolras nodded, and he managed to look up at Grantaire with a small smile, though he wanted nothing more than for a hole to open up in the ground and swallow him up. He’d been doing so well masking his feelings up until then.

“Ouais, it was.”

Grantaire swallowed and nodded back before turning away to get Ant safely tucked up in her carrier. He took a deep breath.

“Alors, see you soon,” he said.

“I’ll walk you out,” Enjolras said, getting up from the sofa and sliding his hands into his pockets.

“Ah, merci,” Grantaire said. He looked up at Enjolras as they headed for the front door. “You’ll text me, oui?”

Enjolras nodded. “Oui, I will,” he said, giving him a smile. “We’ll plan some time before you go to get you packed, ah?”

“That sounds good,” Grantaire said, mustering up a smile.

“Or just to hang out?” Enjolras suggested as nonchalantly as he could manage, lingering beside the closed front door.

“That sounds even better,” Grantaire said, his smile growing a little.

Enjolras smiled too. “Bon,” he said, and after a moment of hesitation where he briefly considered the risk of leaning in for a kiss, and reached his hand out to open the door. “Text me when you get home, ca va?”

“Worried about me?” Grantaire teased, stepping into the hallway outside.

Enjolras’ stomach swooped; he craved that kind of attention from Grantaire, lived off it for hours when he got it. He laughed.

“I’m worried about Ant and her overdue dinner.”

Grantaire smiled at him. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Oui, you will,” Enjolras said, leaning against the door frame. “Take care.”

Grantaire leaned up at kissed his cheeks, like he did with all his friends - though, he’d never made a habit of doing so with Enjolras.

“You too,” he said softly, before turning and forcing himself to walk away.

God, that was unfair. Enjolras watched Grantaire go, his skin burning where his lips had touched it and the urge to follow after him and spin him around for a proper kiss simmering just under his surface, until he couldn’t see him anymore. He groaned and forced himself back inside, shutting the door firmly behind him.

#marbleloverofliberty #neither lost nor found

[intrepid-poet]

marblelover-ofliberty:

[Text] Oui, got in last night.

[Text] Welcome home, mon ami. Paris hasn’t been the same. xx 

#marbleloverofliberty

[lilypottern]

marble-lover-of-liberty replied to your post “so ready to go back to college”

:0 !!!!! come see me pls

ahhh i will!!! :D

#marble-lover-of-liberty #replies #marbleloverofliberty

[threefrancfeuilly]

marblelover-ofliberty

[Text] Are you avoiding me?

[text] Enjolras, we’ve talked about this.

#marbleloverofliberty

[throughthefumes]

neither lost nor found xi

August slid into September. Enjolras was busier than ever, between work and volunteering and meetings, though with varying school and work schedules, it was difficult to get everyone together at once for those. Long days turned into long nights in all his efforts to keep busy, to stay in touch with his friends and his clients and his parents, to trudge along as normally as possible in Grantaire’s absence because to do otherwise would be admitting to everyone something he couldn’t admit to himself.

They spoke nearly every day, even if just in quick texts when they were too busy for a phone call. Enjolras thought the longer Grantaire was away, the easier it would get. But he knew the longer Grantaire was away, the closer he was to having him back home, and that made him all the more anxious. It helped that they were all so busy; whenever Grantaire’s absence hit him particularly hard at a meeting or group dinner at Ferre’s, he could just pretend he’d been too busy at work to get away and could catch up with him later.

He always tried not to call Grantaire too late, when he might be at a late dinner or already in bed; he didn’t want to seem desperate to talk to him when the quiet of the night filled his apartment. But the day had been busy, and full of good news, and the very first thing he did when he got home late that night wasn’t changing out of his suit, but picking up the phone to call him.

Grantaire was down on the beach with his co-workers. It was Friday night and that usually meant they were out somewhere, in town or by the sea, or just hanging out together in one of the villas in the little complex. Most of them worked over the weekends, as well as during the week, but the evenings were almost always their own.

For a small group, they made a lot of noise. They had a bonfire going and music playing - they were remote enough to not have many neighbours to bother. The second Grantaire’s phone rang, he jumped up and moved away from the others to answer it. Enjolras didn’t usually call at this time.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey,” Enjolras said a little breathlessly, his heart skipping at the sound of Grantaire’s voice. He loosened his tie. “Is this a bad time? Are you out?”

“Non, non, it’s good,” Grantaire said. “I mean, I’m out, but it not a bad time. Are you alright?”

“Oui, I’m fine,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh. “Non, I’m actually good. I’m great, it’s been a really great day. I just wanted to share it with you, but I can call later.”

“Non, non, non, tell me now,” Grantaire said, something in his chest swelling with warmth.

“Ca va, ca va, so, do you remember that case I had that we leaked to the press about the Muslim man who was set up for theft? We settled today for, dieu, I can’t tell you how much because of confidentiality, but we creamed them, R. They’re facing fines and penalties as well, they will probably have to sell the business to keep their heads above water, and I don’t even think that will be enough,” Enjolras said with an elated laugh. “My client told me he’s going to put some of the settlement money aside for law school, that I inspired him to go to law school, can you believe that? He wants to come sit in on a meeting sometime, and I told him that once he needs internship hours to call me, because - ca va, ready? I got my business license today. I’m a firm. A very small firm, but a firm.”

“Enjolras,” Grantaire said, the word coming out on a breath of laughter. “Enjolras… Oh, mon dieu… This is... Enjolras! Congratulations! Congratulations isn’t enough.”

“Can you believe it?” Enjolras said, his happiness ballooning with Grantaire’s. “I need to find a real office space, but the desk in my living room will do for now. And Clara was talking about leaving her firm - I could have a partner, a whole team of attorneys, and build up a legal aid clinic, and there won’t be any talk of bottom lines or profits, we’ll just be helping people.”

Grantaire wanted nothing more than to be back in Paris with him. “I am so, so happy for you,” he said, his throat a little tight.

“Merci, merci,” Enjolras said, softer now as he settled down. “I wish you were here. Everyone wants to go out and celebrate.”

“You better go!” Grantaire warned him. “If anything warrants celebrating…”

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “I will, I will. It’s just a big deal. You’ve always been here for the big things.”

Grantaire swallowed, hard. “I can't… If I could afford it, I’d be on the first flight back to Paris,” he said.

“Non, non, non,” Enjolras said quickly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… I just wanted you to know you’re missed. That’s all.”

“I wish I could be there. I guess… I guess you'll be really busy now, ah?”

“Ah, oui. But that’s no different than usual, I’m always really busy.”

Grantaire nodded, sitting down on the sand a little way away from the others. He sifted it through the fingers of his free hand.

“It's okay if you can't visit, then,” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “This is way more important. This is really big, Enj.”

“Non, non, this doesn’t change anything,” Enjolras said firmly. Sometimes the only thing that kept him going was the promise of seeing Grantaire. “I told you before that I would make time if this happened. I have the time.”

“Sorry, I'm raining on your parade here,” Grantaire said, managing to laugh. “I'm so proud of you.”

Enjolras could feel his face flush. “Merci, chéri,” he said. “We can just celebrate together when I visit, ah?”

“Oui?”

“Oui,” Enjolras said. “Have you figured out a good time for it?”

“I mean, I'm all settled in. Work is steady. Anytime you like, really.”

“So you’re saying there is nothing stopping me from getting on the first flight out tomorrow morning?” Enjolras teased lightly.

“I mean, Ant needs somewhere to stay,” Grantaire said, laughing uncertainly.

“Oh, merde, I’m a terrible father,” Enjolras said, serious again. “Do you think Jehan would watch her?”

“Oui, absolument,” Grantaire said.

Enjolras hesitated a moment, realizing Grantaire may have told him not to worry about visiting because he’d changed his mind on the whole deal.

“Tu sais, if you’re too busy with work…”

“Non, non, I…” Grantaire said quickly. Was Enjolras looking for a way out now? “I mean, I have work… to do… but not an inordinate amount. I've gotten a lot done already, actually. I just mean… if it's too much time or too much money or whatever… or if you don't want to… Don't feel you have to, t’sais?”

“I want to,” Enjolras said honestly. He was growing tired of pretending not to care, when he cared so much, when he missed him so deeply. “I do. Time and money aren’t an issue. I just want to make sure that we’re… that it’s a good time.”

Grantaire found himself smiling. He tugged his legs up to his chest and rested his chin on his knees, eyes on the horizon, an inky black line across the still just light sky.

“It’s a good time,” he said firmly. “There’s no bad time.”

“Okay,” Enjolras said, relaxing again. “Okay, good. I’ll look at flights, then.”

“Let me know what you find,” Grantaire said, his smile audible in his voice.

“I will,” Enjolras said, smiling too. “How long should I plan to be away?”

“How long would you like to be away?”

Enjolras laughed. “I would probably spend an entire year lying on a beach in Greece if I could.”

“So book a one-way plane ticket,” Grantaire teased.

“Ah, don’t tempt me,” Enjolras said. “I’ll stay even after you’ve left and we’ll find ourselves in the same situation.”

Grantaire laughed. “I can’t wait to show you round,” he said.

“I can’t wait to see it,” Enjolras said with a smile. “Has it been an inspiring landscape to paint?”

“Too inspiring,” Grantaire admitted with another laugh. “I can’t stop painting seascapes. I never knew the sea could be so many different shades of green and blue.”

Enjolras’ smile grew. “Do I get to see your work?”

“You get no say in the matter; it’s all over the place,” Grantaire said. “This is why I shouldn’t live alone. At least with Ant, even, I had to keep things tidy, or she’d sharpen her claws on the canvases.”

“Isn’t that the truth?” Enjolras said, laughing. “I’m excited to see you at work again, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen the process.”

“Ah, oui… I guess it has,” Grantaire said.

“So, ah… a week?” Enjolras asked. “Can we get away with that?”

“A week sounds perfect,” Grantaire said. A week didn’t sound like nearly long enough.

“Oui?” Enjolras asked. “Not too long? It’s okay if you have to work while I’m there.”

“Non, not too long at all,” Grantaire said. “I’ll knuckle down and get on top of things, then…”

Enjolras found himself smiling. “Then…?”

“Then I’m all yours for the week.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“Good,” Grantaire said, smiling to himself. He dug his toes into the sand, cool now the sun had gone down.

“Good,” Enjolras echoed, and fell silent for a long moment, just listening to Grantaire and the faint sounds of the ocean on the line. “I’ll let you go, ah? Get back to your outing. I haven’t even changed yet.”

Grantaire breathed a laugh. “I’m really glad you called,” he said.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Enjolras said, smiling. “We can look at flights together.”

“Can’t wait,” Grantaire said. “I’ll have my phone on me all day, so…”

“You’ll hear from me,” Enjolras said. “Early. I won’t make you wait all day.”

“I don’t mind waiting,” Grantaire laughed. “But your enthusiasm is noted.”

Enjolras laughed, happy Grantaire couldn’t see the flush of his face.

“Text me later so I know you got home okay.”

“You want me to text you so you know I managed to walk the five hundred metres from the beach back to the villas?” Grantaire asked, smiling.

“Oui, I do,” Enjolras said. “You never know what could happen, R.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “I’ll text, I’ll text,” he said. “But I think you’ve been hanging out with too many criminals.”

“You haven’t been here to keep me in line,” Enjolras teased.

“Well, you’ll be here soon enough, ah?”

“Soon enough would have been a week ago.”

Grantaire breathed a laugh, his stomach fluttering. “You can’t just say things like that…”

“Non?” Enjolras asked, heart thudding now they’d entered delicate territory. “It’s the truth. For me, anyway.”

Grantaire nodded. “So… I’ll text you later?”

“Yeah, okay,” Enjolras finally said, voice softer now. “Speak later.”

“Go celebrate!” Grantaire said as he got to his feet again.

“Have a nice night, R.”

“You too.”

Enjolras hung up quickly then, kicking himself for prying open that door and peeking through. Grantaire’s feelings towards him hadn’t changed and he was more in love with him than ever, and he was about to jet off to spend a week alone with him in Greece. What kind of masochist was he?

With an aggravated groan, he dropped his phone on the sofa and went to his room to change and vent to Ant.

#neither lost nor found #marbleloverofliberty

[intrepid-poet]

[Text] See you at the Musain tonight? x

[Text] Quoi?? You’re home?!!

#ELATION AND RELIEF #marbleloverofliberty #texts #asks

[threefrancfeuilly]

marblelover-ofliberty

[Text] Oui oui oui. What time? x

[text] Any time. I’m just working on a chest of drawers right now. I’m in no rush. :)

#marbleloverofliberty

[throughthefumes]

neither lost nor found x

All too fast, it became time for Grantaire to leave.

He spent the morning packing, having put it off until then under the belief that he would change his mind or some unknown force would somehow stop him or keep him here.

There was no sense in continuing to rent out his dingy little basement flat while he was away, so when he left it early that morning and locked up behind him, it was for the last time (and good riddance). He slipped his key under the door for his landlord and made his way outside.

The day was already warm, promising a beautiful summer’s day that Grantaire would not see. He couldn’t quite believe that, now, after everything, all he had was the contents of the suitcase he held in one hand and the cat tucked away in her carry case in the other. Even Ant wouldn’t be his soon enough, when he dropped her off at Enjolras’, where she’d stay while he was away.

His bike was being looked after by Jehan, so he got the metro to Enjolras’, trying to keep his mind busy and his feelings light. It would be this simple to get on a plane, he told himself.

Time always seemed to move faster when Enjolras dreaded its passing. He woke up early that morning, made some coffee and toast and caught up on the news and did not think of all the missed opportunities to be honest with Grantaire in the past two weeks.

Grantaire was leaving, and he wasn’t in love with him, and maybe Enjolras’ feelings would be easier to deal with when they wouldn’t be able to see each other so often.

He tidied up, showered, and by the time his little leisurely morning routine was over, the buzzer alerted him of Grantaire’s arrival. With a deep breath, shoulders squared back, Enjolras greeted him at the door with a smile.

“Come in, come in, I can’t wait to show you what I’ve rigged up.”

Grantarie breathed a laugh as he followed Enjolras inside. He left his suitcase and Ant in her carrier at the door, along with a bag of a few last things of hers for Enjolras.

“I’m worried I’ve created a monster,” he teased.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “It’s nothing outrageous,” he said, leading them inside. “I stocked up on some treats I found that help with hairballs, and that canned food she likes, tu sais, the ocean medley flavor where she can pretend she’s a dock cat in Marseille. I got a tree for the living room and my room and, dieu, the cutest little cat hammock on the balcony, hopefully she can figure that out but, here.”

They stopped in the living room, where he gestured up to the wall behind the sofa, where he’d set up platforms and steps and hammocks almost up to the ceiling.

“Remember that hideous picture Maman insisted I hang up there? In the dumpster.”

“Mon dieu,” Grantaire said, breathing a laugh as he looked around him. “You don’t do things half-heartedly, ah? She won’t want to come home with me again. Not that I have a home anymore.”

Enjolras laughed. “Of course she - wait. What? What did you say?”

Grantaire looked up at him. He’d assumed Enjolras had assumed this. “Well, there’s no point in renting my flat all the while I’m not living in it…”

“Non, right of course,” Enjolras said, frowning still. “But you’re… you’re still coming back, right?”

Grantaire nodded. “I’ll just have to crash with Jehan for a bit until I find another place.”

Enjolras opened his mouth, closed it, and opened again. “Ant can stay here as long as you need her to.”

Grantaire smiled at him. “Merci,” he said. “I guess it’s time to release her, ah? I’ve already said my goodbyes and she’s been told in no uncertain terms that she’s to be an absolute nightmare for you, so…”

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “I will pick up some catnip, that’ll slow her down,” he said, reaching for the carrier. He unzipped the door and coaxed Ant out with a little coo, heart swelling when she meowed in recognition of him. “Ah, there she is…”

“Ready to terrorise you,” Grantaire said, a hint of pride in his voice.

“No way,” Enjolras said, kissing the top of her head before setting her loose to explore. “What time is your flight?”

“Midday,” Grantaire said, making an effort to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach at the reminder.

“Oh, so there’s some time,” Enjolras said lightly. “Would you like something to eat?”

Grantaire shook his head. “I don’t think I could stomach anything,” he admitted. “Merci.”

Worry settled on Enjolras’ brow. He sat on the sofa, motioning for Grantaire to join him.

“Are you okay?”

“Oui,” Grantaire said, smiling a little as he took a seat. “Just nervous, t’sais. It’s not like I’ll be coming back after a week.”

“Non, je sais,” Enjolras said, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “But you’ll get settled and get to work, you’ll find your routine. You’ll forget all about nerves.”

“Je sais,” Grantaire said. “It’s just this bit that’s really hard.”

Enjolras gently squeezed his shoulder. “Do you want me to come to the airport with you?”

Grantaire looked at his hand on his shoulder and then up at him. “Honestly? Oui. I’d like that a lot,” he said softly.

Enjolras smiled. “Then we’ll go together,” he said, and leaned back against the sofa. “I’m very jealous, you know. I’ve been researching Crete, and the beaches are beautiful.”

“Oui?” Grantaire said, relaxing a little. “Then I suppose you just really will have to visit.”

“I’ve had my eye on a new bathing suit,” Enjolras said with a playful smile.

“Oh, dieu,” Grantaire laughed, pretending to fan himself. “Greece won’t cope!”

Enjolras laughed too, his cheeks tinted a faint shade of pink. “Ah, I do not think I’ll be anywhere near the most attractive thing Greece has seen; they have gods.”

“Mm, not with me there,” Grantaire teased, the sarcasm clear in his voice.

“You’re absolutely right,” Enjolras said, far more serious than Grantaire.

Grantaire pulled a face at him, then took a deep breath. “You’re sure you don’t mind coming with me?”

Enjolras smiled. “Not at all,” he said. “I’m putting off paperwork today. They want me to come up with a firm name before I officially file as a small business but I’ve come up with nothing.”

“Ah, dieu. No ideas at all?”

“Not a one. I used up all my cleverness naming Les Amis.”

Grantaire smiled at him. “L’Enj de la justice,” he teased. “With the pun on Enj, with ange.”

Enjolras snorted, shoving Grantaire’s shoulder playfully. “That is ridiculous,” he said. “I don’t want my name in it, anyway.”

“Non?” Grantaire laughed.

“Non, no way,” Enjolras said, shaking his head. “It’s… too much. It’s not about me, anyway.”

“Mm, je suppose,” Grantaire admitted reluctantly. “I’ll have a think on the plane, see what I can come up with.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” Enjolras said. “I’m sure something will come to me.”

Grantaire nodded, then took a deep breath. “I guess we’d better get to the airport.”

Enjolras checked his watch, hoping to find just a little more time to steal but they’d used it all up, and took a steadying breath to muster up a smile for Grantaire. He had to stay positive, couldn’t burden him with dread and the regret of things left unsaid.

“Oui, we don’t want you to be late,” he said, standing from the sofa. “I just need to put shoes on.”

“Always helpful,” Grantaire noted, getting to his feet himself to find Ant.

He just wouldn’t think about it, Enjolras told himself as he tied his shoes and patted down his pockets to make sure he had his wallet, keys, and phone. Grantaire was just going to work, would only be a two hour plane ride away. That was nothing, and it’s not like they hadn’t planned to visit each other. As friends. They were friends, and this wasn’t a time to act irrationally.

“Ready?” he asked, coming back into the living room.

“Oui, je pense,” Grantaire said, giving Ant one last scratch behind her ears. “Back before you even miss me, petite.”

Enjolras exhaled softly. He missed him already. “Do you need help carrying anything?”

“Ah, non, merci,” Grantaire said. “I just have the one bag.”

“Oh,” Enjolras said lightly, managing to hide his surprise. Hadn’t he said he’d moved out of his apartment? “Ca va, well. Let’s head out.”

Grantaire took a deep breath and straightened up, leading the way out and grabbing his suitcase from beside the front door on his way. “You’re sure you don’t mind coming with me?”

“Not at all,” Enjolras said with a smile, bumping his hip against Grantaire’s to encourage him forward. “What else have I got to do today, ah?”

Grantaire smiled a little, glancing up at Enjolras and bumping his hip back before heading out. “Think up a name for your new business, for starters,” he teased.

Enjolras laughed, closing and locking the door behind them. “That is going to take much longer than a day,” he said, leading the way down the hall and to the stairs. “I’ve been thinking about it for weeks. I’ll be lucky if I’m in business by the time you get back.”

“Non!” Grantaire said, pretending to be horrified. “You have to at least be well on your way there by then. Nothing can take that long.”

“It can when you’re stalled by your own lack of creativity,” Enjolras said, holding the lobby door open for Grantaire.

“Ah, you’re plenty creative,” Grantaire said, thanking him as he stepped outside. Dieu, he was going to miss Paris. “You should brainstorm during the next Les Amis meeting.”

“Ah, that’s a good idea,” Enjolras said, sliding his hands into his pockets to stop himself reaching for Grantaire. “Meetings won’t be the same without you, though.”

“Oui, they’ll be much quieter and much more productive.”

“You would think,” Enjolras said lightly, bumping shoulders with Grantaire. “But someone always feels the need to try to fill your shoes. Usually Jehan.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh, pressing his free hand to his chest. “My legacy.”

Enjolras laughed. “And Bahorel. It’s a competition that gets out of hand very quickly.”

“At least you have Combeferre and Feuilly on your side, ah?”

“I do,” Enjolras said with a nod. “Ferre usually puts a stop to it unless he also finds it hilarious. And then the meeting just dissolves.”

“I love it when we get him too,” Grantaire confessed.

“Honestly, so do I,” Enjolras said. “It’s a good indicator that we’ve all had enough.”

Grantaire laughed. “Ah, if I’d have known, I would have tried harder all these years.”

“Oh, please,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “You were a nightmare, how could you have possibly tried harder?”

“Easily!” Grantaire insisted. “There’s always room for improvement, ah?”

“Ah, but you have improved,” Enjolras teased. “You are far less annoying than ever.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh, hitting Enjolras lightly with the back of his hand. “That’s not as much of a compliment as you think it is.”

Enjolras’ laughter grew. “Non? I am acknowledging your growth as a person, isn’t that kind?”

“It implies my person needed growth in the first place.”

“We were all very young and in need of growth, wouldn’t you say?”

Grantaire laughed. “Ah, that’s a good one. Very diplomatic.”

Enjolras grinned. “It’s the politician in me.”

“Mm, maybe you should reconsider opening your own law firm, ah?”

“I don’t want to be a politician,” Enjolras said, scrunching up his nose.

“Lawyers are much hotter,” Grantaire said, smirking at him.

Enjolras laughed, ducking his head to hide the color he could feel rising to his cheeks. “You don’t spend much time in courtrooms, do you?”

“As little as I can possible manage.”

“There are a lot of old men with hair growing out of their ears,” Enjolras said, managing to maintain a straight face.

Grantaire laughed and pretended to swoon. “Ah, dieu, just my type.”

Enjolras laughed. “I’ll take you to work with me sometime. You can scope them out.”

“Oui, I’d appreciate that,” Grantaire teased.

Enjolras patted Grantaire on the shoulder. “What are friends for, ah?”

It felt like being stabbed in the chest. Grantaire laughed it off as best he could. “Je sais, je sais.”

“Ah, here,” Enjolras said as they came to the metro entrance. “Let me carry your bag down.”

“I’ve got it,” Grantaire said, skipping ahead of him. “Merci, mon ami.”

“Oui, sure,” Enjolras said, following after Grantaire after a moment of hesitation, feeling a strange shift in distance between them. He wondered if he should have stayed behind.

The metro ride passed far too quickly. The closer they got to the airport, the more and more quiet Grantaire grew, until he fell completely silent, holding tight to his suitcase.

And that, Enjolras remembered, is why he’d offered to go with him, as a force of calm and bravery to lead Grantaire forward even in his fear, even as he feared it himself. He reached to rest his hand on Grantaire’s, smoothed his thumb over his skin.

“Ca va?”

Grantaire turned his hand over and held Enjolras’ tight, not looking at him. He pressed his lips together and nodded. He couldn’t turn back. He wouldn’t turn back.

Enjolras exhaled softly but said nothing else; Grantaire wasn’t in the mood for a pep talk and Enjolras didn’t really know if he had it in him. He held his hand just as tight, leaned against his shoulder, and tried to enjoy their last few moments together.

The train pulled up at their stop and Grantaire didn’t let go of Enjolras’ hand as they got off and headed into the airport. He let go only to check in and then found himself reaching for his hand again. Security was in sight.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he said, very quietly.

“You can,” Enjolras said firmly, stepping in just a bit closer to Grantaire. He could hear blood rushing in his ears, feel his heart knocking against his chest. He just had to get him on the plane without screwing this all up. “I know you can. This is the hard part, standing here with a lot of unknown in front of you. But after this, it gets easier. I promise.”

Grantaire pressed his fingertips and thumb over his eyes. “It was a stupid idea,” he muttered. “Really, really stupid. I don’t know why I thought I could... I don’t want to go.”

“Oh, chéri,” Enjolras said softly, his heart sinking. He took another step in, trying to shut out the chaos of the airport around them. “Hey, look at me. If you don’t want to go because you’re scared, then we can wait. We can rebook your flight for later tonight or tomorrow, until you’re ready. We can get Jehan out here, or Ferre, or whatever you need to make you feel okay getting on that plane. But if you don’t want to go because you really don’t want to, that’s okay. We’ll go home and figure out what to do from there, but… R, I don’t feel like you getting on this plane is a mistake.”

Grantaire looked up at him, his hand falling back at his side. That changed things. If Enjolras wanted him to go, if Enjolras thought it was a good idea.

“You don’t?”

Enjolras shook his head. “I don’t,” he said. “I think this is a monumental opportunity for you and your career, something to grow from. I would hate for your fear to hold you back from something that could completely change your life. That’s what it is, right? Fear?”

Grantaire looked up at him for a long moment before nodding.

“Ca va, we can handle that,” Enjolras said, smiling softly. “We can handle fear. I don’t think this is the scariest thing you’ve ever done, do you?”

Grantaire shook his head.

“Non, it’s not,” Enjolras said, and he couldn’t stop himself from moving a curl from where it had fallen in Grantaire’s eyes. “I have no doubt in my mind that you’re going to take this on and come out on top, R. I’ve seen you do amazing things, you can do this. And we’re all going to be here for you, ca va? You’re not alone. We’re just a phone call away.”

Grantaire exhaled softly, closing his eyes for a moment. “Can I call you when I get there?”

“You can call me whenever you want to,” Enjolras said. “Even if it’s the middle of the night.”

“Is there a time difference?” Grantaire asked, eyebrows knitting together.

“You’re just an hour ahead,” Enjolras said with a small laugh. “Don’t worry about it, ca va?”

“I’ll worry about it a little,” Grantaire said, breathing a laugh that threatened to turn into a sob.

“Hey,” Enjolras said, ducking his head to catch Grantaire’s eye. “I’m serious. I’m here if you need me, always. I don’t care what time it is or what I’m doing. I’ll drop it all.”

There was nothing Grantaire wanted to do more than lean up and kiss him. He pressed his lips together and nodded, then closed his eyes as he just very lightly touched his forehead to Enjolras’ for a moment before straightening up.

“Merci,” he said softly. He took a deep breath, turning his gaze to the line leading into security.

Enjolras followed his line of sight, drawing a shaky breath and squeezing Grantaire’s hand but not letting go. He was having a very hard time trying not to cry.

“Are you ready?”

“Non,” Grantaire said, not letting go either. “But if I wait ‘til I’m ready…”

Enjolras nodded, turned his head to hide a sniff, and finally let go of Grantaire’s hand.

“Go on, then,” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “You’re as ready as you’ll ever be.”

Grantaire faltered and then, after a moment of hesitation, stepped forward and threw his arms around Enjolras.

Enjolras automatically wrapped his arms around Grantaire, holding him tight and pressing his face into the crook of his neck, just breathing him in and desperately trying to hold himself together. He didn’t know how he’d ever let him go now.

Finally, Grantaire took another deep breath and broke away. It felt a little like his heart broke with it.

“I’ll see you soon, chéri,” he said softly, then turned and hastened away, before he could start second guessing it all again.

Enjolras gasped in an attempt to catch his breath, wiped hastily at eyes and told himself to stand still, to let him go, but he took a step forward anyway, and another, after Grantaire.

“R, wait!”

Grantaire turned back sharply, his breath catching in his throat. He moved the last few steps to meet Enjolras.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I…” Enjolras faltered, faced again with a decision he thought he’d already made, to speak his truth or not, to burden Grantaire or let him be free, and found himself at the same conclusion. “I just…”

He reached with soft hands to hold Grantaire’s face, pressing his forehead to his like he had minutes before.

“We’re good. I want you to know we’re good.”

Grantaire closed his eyes. “Oui, we’re good,” he whispered. “Always good.”

“And I’m proud of you, and I care about you,” Enjolras said softly, just like he had years ago before he could tell Grantaire he loved him. “I care so much.”

Grantaire had to break away to wipe his eyes. “Merci,” he said shakily. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Je sais,” Enjolras said, reaching to help with Grantaire’s tears. “And I’ll visit before then.”

Grantaire nodded, but Enjolras’ kindness was only making him cry harder. If he stuck around any longer, the tears might never stop; his plane would take off and he’d still be here, sobbing into Enjolras’ shoulder. It occurred to him that this was out of proportion with his fears and anxiety. He was crying too for how this scene should have been playing out, with Enjolras kissing him goodbye and promising Skype calls every evening, or with Enjolras coming with him, snuck into the villa complex for the duration of Grantaire’s work there, or staying in a hotel just round the corner but spending most nights with him anyway.

“I have to go,” he managed to say, wiping his face as dry as he could. “Or I’ll never stop crying.”

“Oui, go on,” Enjolras said, desperately fighting against the urge to say to hell with it and kiss him. “I’ll wait here until your plane takes off, okay?”

Grantaire breathed a laugh, already needing to wipe his eyes again. “Non, non, you should go too,” he insisted. “Otherwise I’ll just come running back out here. Lock the exits on your way out too, ah?”

Enjolras laughed shakily. “What if I tell you I’m leaving, but I stay until your plane takes off?”

“Well, now I’ll know that’s your master plan,” Grantaire said, trying to smile.

“Text me when you get through security,” Enjolras said, reaching to squeeze his hand.

Grantaire nodded, squeezing his hand back tight. He was fighting off tears still. “Text me when you get home to Ant.”

“I’ll send you a Snapchat,” Enjolras said lightly, giving him a smile.

“Oui, do,” Grantaire said, just about managing to smile back. “Lots of them.”

“You’re going to be sick of hearing from me within ten minutes,” Enjolras said, smile growing at the sight of Grantaire’s. “Go on, before the line gets too long.”

Grantaire squeezed his hand, hard as he could, and leaned up to kiss his cheek. It was a little clumsy, meeting the corner of Enjolras’ mouth more than its intended target, but he broke away fast and let go just as quickly and, within seconds, he had turned and was gone.

Enjolras wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t, even now that Grantaire had gone beyond the gate to security and they were out of sight of each other. He had to set a precedent for himself on how he’d handle this separation, and he was determined to stay positive and productive. They were friends, and Enjolras was happy for Grantaire and that had to be the end of it.

Still, his skin tingled where Grantaire’s lips had pressed to it and he missed the warmth of his hand in his, and as he sat down in front of the departures board to watch for his plane to take off, a deep sadness settled over him.

Grantaire couldn’t even wait to board to contact Enjolras again. He deliberated over it, turning his phone over and over in his hand as he waited by the screen announcing gate numbers, until he finally decided he had nothing to lose.

[Text] I forgot to say thank you for coming with me. - R x

Enjolras felt the buzz of his phone throughout his whole body, and he struggled to hastily dig it out of his pocket.

[Text] There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. - E x

Although that wasn’t entirely true. He’d rather be on the other side of that security gate, getting ready to board the plane with Grantaire.

Grantaire left it at that for now; his plane would be boarding soon and, the quicker he could put Enjolras from his mind, the more likely he was to be on it.

Enjolras was, however, the first person he texted upon landing in Greece.

[Text] Dieu, security lines here are long. - R x

Enjolras had done himself a favor and not gone directly home after Grantaire’s plane took off. He got off a few stops before his and wandered along the river for a while, enjoyed the summer sun and popped into their favorite ice cream parlor to get himself a little treat. He missed Grantaire more than ever.

He was still out, relaxing in a rare quiet spot down on the embankment of the river, when he got Grantaire’s text.

[Text] That’s customs for you. - E x

[Text] Good flight? - E x

[Text] Not bad. I slept for a lot of it. How’s Paris? - R x

[Text] Warm. But getting a little cloudy. - E x

[Text] I think it misses you already. - E x

[Text] As it should. - R x

[Text] I am trying my hardest to miss it, but we walked outside across the tarmac from the plane to the airport and, dieu, it is beautiful. I think I have a tan already. - R x

[Text] My pale, pasty skin won’t compare when you come back. You’ll be the golden boy now. - E x

[Text] The dream. - R x

[unsent text] Or we’ll just have to have you out here for so long that

[Text] You are living it. - E x

[Text] Take a lot of pictures and make me even more envious. - E x

Grantaire promptly sent him a photo of the seemingly unending security lines.

Enjolras rolled his eyes.

[Text] What a remarkable queue. Those people must be English. - E x

Grantaire snorted a laugh and tucked his phone away until he was through security. The gallery’s hosts were waiting on the other side of baggage reclaim to greet him, along with a couple of co-workers who had caught an earlier flight. That made it easier, more like just his job, and he was relieved to find himself settling into loading up the car and making small talk on the way to the villa complex where they’d all be staying.

The next time he contacted Enjolras was after he was unpacked and he and his colleagues had had lunch together with their hosts. He sent him a photo of his own little villa, with a glimpse of the shared pool in the foreground.

[Text] Just like Marseille, ah? - R x

Coming home to Ant helped ease the blow a bit. When Enjolras came through the front door, she leapt up from where she’d been snoozing in a patch of sun on the living room rug and came running for him, meowing all the way. He lifted her with a coo and carried her into the kitchen to eat some lunch together.

He spent the rest of the afternoon laid out on the sofa watching TV, Ant curled up on his chest and phone within reach, and he was surprised that the first text he received that afternoon wasn’t from Grantaire, but Finn. He didn’t quite know how to respond, so he didn’t immediately.

Grantaire’s photo came through some time later, and he felt a deep sense of nostalgia.

[Text] Dieu, it’s beautiful. - E x

He turned his phone to snap a photo of Ant fast asleep on his chest.

[Text] You can’t tell here, but she definitely misses you. - E x

[Text] You’re a liar but she’s adorable so I’ll let you off. - R x

[Text] Are you free this evening? - R x

[Text] Oui, I’ll just be here with our girl. - E x

[Text] Want to Skype for ten minutes before I head out for dinner? I can show you my place. - R x

[Text] Oui, oui, that sounds great. - E x

Enjolras’ phone buzzed in the middle of his text to Grantaire with another message from Finn, and he couldn’t figure out why his palms started to feel a little clammy. Still, he didn’t answer.

[Text] What time? - E x

[Text] Sixish your time? - R x

[Text] I’ll see you sixish my time. - E x

[Text] Can’t wait. - R x

[Text] Neither can I. - E x

Enjolras tucked his phone away then, though he hadn’t forgotten about the texts from Finn. He felt a twinge of guilt over his curiosity to know what Finn wanted, why he’d reached out over all this time, though he didn’t really know why. He hadn’t thought about Finn in a long time, especially not when lately his days had been filled with Grantaire, and it wasn’t like Enjolras had been the one to reach out now he was gone.

He picked his phone back up to read the messages; they were innocent enough, just saying hello and checking in. Enjolras responded. And did for each subsequent text throughout that afternoon, even after he got up from the sofa to get some work done before going for a run when the heat cooled off a bit.

When sixish his time rolled around, Enjolras had eaten some dinner and fed Ant, and had set up his computer in the living room to wait for Grantaire’s call.

Grantaire headed back to his room just in time, having spent the rest of the afternoon with his co-workers, scoping the place out and exploring the surrounding area. A couple of them were already talking about having their partners or families visit and there was maybe a slight touch of homesickness kicking in by the time he was alone again.

He called Enjolras on the dot of six, making a futile attempt to tame his hair a little in the reflection of himself on his laptop screen as he waiting for him to pick up.

Enjolras answered the call almost immediately, his phone discarded and completely forgotten about now that he had Grantaire on the line.

“Hey you,” he said in greeting, his smile wide at the sight of him even though the connection wasn’t the best.

“Hey!” Grantaire said, immediately brightening. “Long time no see.”

Enjolras laughed. “Are you settled in okay? Have you had a chance to look around?”

“Oui, oui,” Grantaire said. “I can’t wait to show you round. In person, I mean. It’s gorgeous - we’re right by the sea.” He shifted, getting up and turning his laptop round so he could give Enjolras a view of his room. “This is my place. Well, part of my place. There are six tiny villas in the complex. Bedroom and bathroom upstairs, living room and kitchen downstairs. They’re planning on renting them out to holiday goers once everything’s finished.”

Enjolras sighed longingly. “Dieu, I don’t know how you’re going to get anything done. I wouldn’t be able to get anything done with the beach nearby. Though maybe that will be inspiring for you, ah? Ah - is that your suitcase? Have you even unpacked yet?”

Grantaire laughed, turning his laptop back round to face him. “A little, a little. I’ve got out what I need for today,” he said. “We’ve got the weekend before we start work, so…”

“We both know you better than that,” Enjolras said, pointing a finger at the screen. “You’re just going to keep pulling out what you need until there is nothing left and you’re forced to just use what’s been cast on the floor and it won’t be until I get there that you get clean clothes.”

Grantaire pulled a face at him. “Are you offering to do my laundry for me?” he teased.

“Non, no way,” Enjolras said, laughing again. “You’re a big boy now. I’ve taught you everything I could.”

“Is that right?” Grantaire teased.

“Oui, that’s right,” Enjolras said with a decisive nod. “If you can’t do your laundry now, that’s not on me.”

Grantaire laughed. “That’s probably fair enough,” he concluded. “So, how’s Ant, ah? Is it dinner time yet over there?”

“She’s good, we ate dinner about an hour ago,” Enjolras said, glancing around the room to look for her. “I think she went into my room for a nap. Do you want me to go get her?”

“Non, non, don’t disturb her,” Grantaire said. “I just wanted to make sure she’s settling in okay.”

“Oui, she’s okay,” Enjolras assured him. “It’s like nothing has changed for her.”

“Good. That’s good,” Grantaire said. “I was worried she’d get… je ne sais pas, homesick or something.” He laughed a little. “Can cats even get homesick?”

“Something similar, I’m sure. It can be upsetting being in a new environment, but she’s been here before, and she’s familiar with me. You have nothing to worry about, ch- ah. She’s good. Everything is good.”

“Good,” Grantaire said, nodding. “I bet she’s loving all the time with you, ah?”

“Ah, I think she’s tolerating me,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “I’m enjoying having her around, though.”

“I’m glad,” Grantaire said, smiling.

Enjolras smiled too, let himself gaze just a little longer at the crinkles Grantaire’s smile caused around his eyes, safe behind the shoddy connection of their video chat.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow, then? Just exploring more? Are you going to find out what you’ll be working on?”

“We have our first official work meeting on Monday,” Grantaire said. “So, oui, some exploring, some rest, probably. Even a short flight like that is weirdly exhausting - all this nervous energy.”

“Ah, I bet,” Enjolras said, shifting to pull his computer into his lap so he could sit more comfortably on the sofa. “But you’re with people you know, oui? I’m sure they are just all as nervous as you are. You have people going through this with you, that’s helpful.”

Grantaire nodded. “Merci, monsieur rational,” he said. “Oui, it is.”

Enjolras laughed. “Would you rather I said, ah, oui, it sucks you’re nervous. Deal with it.”

“Non, perhaps not,” Grantaire said, laughing too. “It’ll be easier once we start working too, I think. At the moment, it feels like a weird holiday.”

“Honestly, the whole thing is weird to me,” Enjolras said. “How common is something like this?”

“Je ne sais pas, honestly,” Grantaire admitted. “I guess when you’re as rich as these clients are…”

“Ah, it does sound like something my parents would commission.”

“Doesn’t it? If I find out they’re behind this, Enjolras…” Grantaire joked.

Enjolras laughed, and it struck him odd that he could laugh at a joke like that, after everything.

“Just know that if they are, I had absolutely nothing to do with it. I wouldn’t have plotted to send you to another country.”

“Non? Not even to get your hands on Ant?” Grantaire teased.

Enjolras hummed thoughtfully. “You do have a point there.”

Grantaire grinned. “Ah, I knew it. Well, you could have chosen a worse place than this to send me.”

“I thought it was a fair trade off,” Enjolras said with a shrug. “Isn’t Crete worth Ant?”

“Non!” Grantaire laughed. “I mean, I guess it isn’t a permanent exile, at least. That’s something.”

“Or so you think…”

Grantaire feigned a gasp, pressing his hand to his chest. “Enjolras!”

Enjolras grinned. “All I’m saying is, did you check your plane tickets? Is there a return date?”

“Oh mon dieu,” Grantaire laughed. “I had no idea you could be so cruel.”

“Ah, come on,” Enjolras said, laughing too. “This can’t possibly be the cruelest thing I have ever done.”

“I really think it might be,” Grantaire insisted.

“Grantaire, you are getting paid to live on a beautiful island in Greece and paint all day. That is hardly cruel. And I’m sure there are plenty of stray cats you can adopt.”

Grantaire grinned. “What would you do if I came home with a couple?” he asked.

“How are you going to get a couple of cats back from Greece?”

“I’ll work it out,” Grantaire said with an easy shrug, as though Enjolras had asked him what he was going to have for dinner.

Enjolras laughed, rolling his eyes. “They’ll be your responsibility, anyway. You’d better find a flat before you bring them all back here. They aren’t staying with me.”

“Non?” Grantaire teased.

“Non, no way,” Enjolras said, pointing his finger at the screen. “Non. You’re not talking me into another cat.”

“You said that about the first cat,” Grantaire reminded him with a smirk.

“Ant would smother us in our sleep if we brought home another cat. Isn’t she enough for you?”

“Ah, she’s everything,” Grantaire said sincerely. “But you’re still a killjoy.”

Enjolras gasped, clutching at his chest. “How can you say something like that? I brought you and Ant together.”

Grantaire laughed. “Oui, you did, you did,” he conceded.

Enjolras smiled again, relaxing back against the sofa. “As long as you acknowledge the good things I’ve done for you, I can live with being a killjoy.”

“A good balance of both, ah?” Grantaire teased.

“I know I am a little too quick to jump to the extremes,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “I find balance where I can.”

Grantaire laughed, shaking his head fondly. “Want to see the rest of my place?” he asked.

“Ouais, I do,” Enjolras said, sitting up again to get a better look at the screen. “Show me everything.”

Grantaire got up, scooping his laptop up with him and turning it around so Enjolras could see the room around him. “Alors, my room, as you’ve seen,” he said, giving him a thorough 360. “And through here… is the bathroom. I’m really looking forward to trying out that shower. Doesn’t it look great?”

“Almost as great as the shower in Marseille,” Enjolras said, before really thinking about the implications. He hastened to move on, color in his cheeks. “Do you have your own kitchen, too?”

“Oui,” Grantaire said, glad Enjolras couldn’t see his face. “If we just head on downstairs here… Oh, wait!” He doubled back sharply, the video suddenly a blur. “I have a balcony! A tiny, tiny balcony, but a balcony, nonetheless. It looks out over the vineyards, can you see?”

Enjolras laughed, leaning towards the screen and squinting. “There is a glare, but I see,” he said. “I can’t wait to see it in person. Are the grapes growing now? Is it season?”

“Ah, je ne sais pas,” Grantaire said. “We haven’t been down there yet.”

“I wonder if they’d let you try some,” Enjolras said. “Are they owned by whoever is commissioning you?”

“Some are, oui,” Grantaire said. He moved away from the balcony, wary of having stumbled upon a potentially dangerous topic. “Alors, the kitchen! Down this way.”

“I’m going to get motion sickness,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “Do you get money for food? You’re not going to starve are you? You’re thin enough already.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh, which was audible from his position behind the laptop. “Oui, oui, everything is covered. Don’t start worrying about that. Voila, my little kitchen, which I intend to use very little, in fact.”

“Ah, but what about all those Greek recipes you are going to learn and bring back to Paris to cook for me?”

Grantaire groaned a laugh, setting the laptop down on one of the kitchen counters so he could pull a face at Enjolras. “You can learn when you visit, ah? I will be off sampling the genuinely authentic Greek food in town.”

Enjolras grinned. “But what happens when you come back and you miss that genuinely authentic Greek food in town? Wouldn’t you like to recreate it?”

“Ah, merde, you may have a point there,” Grantaire had to admit. “That can be your job while I’m away, ah? Search Paris for good Greek food places.”

“Oui, I can do that,” Enjolras said with a nod. “Don’t say anything if I’ve appeared to gain fifteen pounds by the time you get home, though.”

Grantare laughed. “You could do with gaining a few pounds,” he said. “Alors, through here, we have our final room. The living room. Standard setup - TV, sofa, artificial plant. And then there’s also a little patio out the back here.”

“It looks nice,” Enjolras said. “Not at all like the jail cell they’d told me it would be.”

“Oh mon dieu!” Grantaire laughed, flipping the laptop round as he dropped down onto the sofa. “You’re horrible!”

Enjolras couldn’t help laughing too, delighted at the sound of Grantaire’s laughter.

“I picked up this sense of humor from you, tu sais.”

“Non, non, non, don’t you dare try to pin this on me!”

“Where else would I have learned it from, ah?”

“Bahorel, probably,” Grantaire said.

“Oui, ca va, that’s very possible,” Enjolras said. “But did you also teach him?”

“Also very possible,” Grantaire said, winking at him.

Enjolras laughed, and he hated the way his stomach swooped at that stupid little gesture.

“So maybe you have been a bigger influence than we thought.”

“Ah, maybe, maybe,” Grantaire said, getting a little more comfortable on the sofa. “So, what are your plans for the rest of the evening?”

“I have some work to do,” Enjolras said with a shrug, masking the fact that he’d cleared his time that evening to allow as much time on Skype with Grantaire. “I’ve taken on a few pro bono cases in the next couple of weeks, so I need to prepare for those. What about you?”

“I think we’re all just going out for dinner at some point,” Grantaire said. “What sorts of cases? Anything interesting?”

“A wrongful termination and an illegal eviction,” Enjolras said. “I considered taking on a foreigners’ rights case, but those tend to be unnecessarily drawn out and immigration law isn’t my strongest suit. I don’t want to be the reason an immigrant man and his family are denied housing and access to health care.”

“That’s fair enough,” Grantaire said, flopping back on the sofa and stretching out, almost catlike in his laziness. “I have no doubt you’d win, though.”

Enjolras scrunched up his nose. “I’ll stick with what I know. The wrongful termination case is a young Muslim man who was accused of stealing a couple hundred euro from the market he works at. He’s requested to see the tapes, but they’ve refused to give them up. I’m sure it’s a set up.”

“Ah, merde, even from my highly uneducated view, that sounds like a steaming pile of bullshit,” Grantaire said, shaking his head.

“It may not get in front of a judge,” Enjolras said with a little laugh. “It might be settled out of court. I’m having a hard time getting them to produce their books, too. I don’t know how much was counted in the register at the beginning of the day and the end.”

“You should send Bahorel round,” Grantaire teased. “You’re too angelic-looking to be intimidating to hardened criminals like these.”

Enjolras laughed. “Ah, come on, I can be intimidating! You’ve seen my angry face.”

“Oui, and it’s adorable.”

Enjolras rolled his eyes, and hoped Grantaire couldn’t see the blush he felt on his face.

“I have to go through the legal channels, anyway. I can’t send a large man to intimidate the defendant.”

“I could though,” Grantaire said, grinning.

“Non, you can’t,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “I’m not even supposed to be discussing the case with you.”

Grantaire gasped and clutched his chest, feigning appalled shock. “Enjolras!” he said.

Enjolras’ laughter grew. “I suppose as long as I don’t tell you their names, it’s okay,” he said, and after a moment, “I wonder if I could leak this to the press… do you know how quickly they’d back down with bad press?”

“Mon dieu, do it!” Grantaire said enthusiastically, sitting up a little.

“This is crazy,” Enjolras said, sitting up to reach for his phone. “I’m going to text someone I used to work with. I think their sister works at the local paper.”

“This is amazing to witness,” Grantaire said gleefully.

Enjolras laughed, finishing up the text and setting his phone aside. “You’re a terrible influence, I hope you know.”

“But you’ll win your case,” Grantaire said with a satisfied smile.

“I just might,” Enjolras said. “Hopefully my client will be willing to give a statement.”

“Just send Bahorel round if not,” Grantaire laughed.

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” Enjolras said, shaking his head with a laugh. “He seems the type that would want to make a difference with his story.”

“Ah, oui? That’s good, non?”

Enjolras nodded. “He was eager to move forward with a lawsuit, and not just for his own losses. He has a whole community he wants to fight for.”

Grantaire smiled. “It sounds like work is good,” he said.

“Oui, it is,” Enjolras said, smiling too. “For both of us, ah?”

Grantaire breathed a laugh. “Oui, it-” He was interrupted by a knock on the door and he sat up, half-laughing again. “Ca va, ca va, that means it’s time to head out for dinner. We’ll speak again soon, oui?”

“Oh, ouais, sure,” Enjolras said, covering his disappointment with his best smile. “Oui, go on. Take notes on your food.”

“Two seconds!” Grantaire yelled at the door as it was knocked on again. He turned back to Enjolras and spoke far more softly. “Thank you for getting me here.”

Enjolras’ smile softened, and he impulsively reached out to touch the screen. “You got yourself there, I just dropped you at the airport,” he said. “Call me later.”

“Not if you call me first,” Grantaire said with a smile, before hanging up.

The moment the call ended, Enjolras flopped back on the sofa with a dramatic groan, flinging his arm over his face. He wanted to call him right now, wanted to book the next flight out to Crete and just show up at Grantaire’s door. Instead, he closed his laptop and rolled off the sofa to join Ant on his bed, his phone within sight and reach.

Grantaire didn’t text or call again that night. Part of him was too caught up in the dinner out with his co-workers, who were fast becoming more like friends than colleagues. Part of him worried that Enjolras would realise everyone was drinking and would get upset again, no matter how truthful Grantaire was being when he told him he wasn’t joining in.

The next morning, his worry only intensified. He went for an early walk with a couple of others, exploring the surrounding vineyards and winding up down on the beach, and wanted to send photos to Enjolras as well as to Jehan and Combeferre. But what if Enjolras had only been humouring him? What if he’d done all this, got him to the airport and then stayed chatting with him on Skype all evening, because he was relieved to get rid of him?

Once the temptation to book an incredibly last minute flight out to Greece passed, Enjolras trusted himself to open his laptop again and get some work done like he’d told Grantaire he’d planned to do that evening. Though he didn’t expect to hear from him again that night, he certainly hoped to, and it was disappointing - well, no, that wasn’t quite the feeling - when the only person he got any more texts from that night was Finn. The silence from Grantaire didn’t worry him, though, not like it used to. He just plain missed him.

Enjolras woke up early the next morning, as per usual. He went about his routine - a run before the sun came up, a stop at the little market down the street for the morning paper, a quick shower, then coffee as he read the paper. He felt like a retiree and loathed it. He hated more that he’d carried his phone on his run in anticipation of a text or call that never came. They weren’t in a place where Grantaire might be worried to call first, and Enjolras didn’t know his schedule. It made sense that he should reach out first, right?

By mid morning, he was laying out on his little balcony enjoying the warmth of the sun before it got too hot to stand. Ant was curled in her little hammock, already figured out with perfect balance, and it hit Enjolras then how to break the silence. He picked up his phone from where it had always been in reach, volume high up, and took a picture of Ant basking in the sun. He sent it to Grantaire with an accompanying text.

[Text] She misses you, I swear. - E x

It was the perfect opportunity to send back a photo of the beach Grantaire was currently strolling along, the sea a dark turquoise where the sun struck it, the sand soft and warm.

[Text] I swear I miss Paris too. - R x

Enjolras laughed to himself, somewhat a sigh of relief to finally hear from Grantaire and know what he was up to.

[Text] I hope you’ve put on sunscreen. - E x

Grantaire turned the camera on himself and smeared big white streaks of suncream down his nose and across his cheeks before pulling a face and taking a photo to send to Enjolras.

Enjolras was glad to have the privacy of his balcony; his sudden outburst of laughter would have been too embarrassing for anyone but Ant to witness.

[Text] To be fair, I did not say properly. - E x

Grantaire smiled and let his coworkers walk on, finding a spot in the sun to spread out and relax before texting back. So, maybe Enjolras hadn’t entirely been just humouring him.

[Text] Don’t worry - I am smothered in the stuff. - R x

[Text] So, everything’s okay? - R x

It was Enjolras’ turn for a photo. He turned his camera around and lifted it above him so Grantaire could see his little set up; a towel spread out beneath him, a small pillow under his head, and sunglasses on to shield his eyes from the sun. He managed to get a bit of Ant’s face into the slightly off-centered photo.

[Text] We’re pretending we’re on a beach in Greece. -  E x

Grantaire groaned and flung an arm over his eyes. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. A year ago, this had all been his. Enjolras could have come with him. It would have been Jehan sending photos of Ant, curled up with Callie or sprawled out in the sun in his apartment.

It took him a while to convince himself he wasn’t going to cry and to reply to Enjolras’ text.

[Text] You won’t have to pretend for much longer, ah? - R x

Enjolras wouldn’t tell him he’d almost bought a plane ticket last night, that he wanted nothing more than to be there right now, he didn’t even care if he had to wait around in Grantaire’s villa while he went off to work. He just wanted to be with him.

[Text] I certainly hope not. - E x

[Text] You have to figure out what your schedule looks like. - E x

[Text] I should get a good idea of it after a week or two, oui? - R x

[Text] I can’t wait to sunbathe in Greece. - E x

[Text] You are sunbathing in Paris right now!!!!! - R x

[Text] But there is no sand or an ocean to swim in when it gets too hot. - E x

[Text] The Seine is right there. - R x

[Text] You have heard of les Paris Plages, non???? - R x

[Text] It’s not the same as a real beach, R. I can’t believe you’re saying when you’re walking on a beach in Crete. - E x

[Text] And the Seine is hardly clean enough to swim in. - E x

[Text] Jehan and I are still alive and well. - R x

[Text] And I'm sitting now actually. Sitting on a beach in Crete. - R x

[Text] I hope you are lounging on a beach in Crete. - E x

[Text] Even if that makes me burn with jealousy. - E x

[Text] I'll see what I can do. - R x

[Text] Actually, in all honesty, we are heading back to the villa now. We all need to get set up ready to start working tomorrow. - R x

[Text] Are you feeling okay? - E x

Grantaire paused before responding, considering the question on the walk back to the villa complex. Were they in a place where he could be honest now? Or was Enjolras just asking out of politeness?

[Text] Oui, I'm all good. - R x

[Text] I mean, a little anxious, t’sais. Just getting settled in and everything. I’ll be okay. - R x

[Text] Give yourself a chance to get settled, ca va? Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re feeling anxious or homesick and find it hard to focus. You’ll get there. - E x

Grantaire was grateful to be back in his own place alone. He tossed his phone on the bed (it was even a double bed, with plenty of room for two, he tried his hardest not to think) and took a quick shower to wash off the sand and suncream. He didn't cry. Not properly. But he felt better for those few minutes.

[Text] Merci, mon ami. - R x

[Text] And you're okay, oui? Everything's okay at home? - R x

That stretch of silence ate away at Enjolras with every second that passed. Had he overstepped, gotten too deep with Grantaire when all he was comfortable with was talking about beaches and Ant? He got up from his spot on the balcony, suddenly too antsy to just lay there, and went inside to cool off with a glass of water. Did Grantaire even really want him to visit? Or had he just offered because he’d extended the invite to the rest of their friends and didn’t want to be rude?

His phone buzzing on the kitchen counter made him jump. He breathed a small sigh of relief, ignored the sting of being addressed as mon ami that he could only assume was to put him back in his place.

[Text] Oui, everything is fine here. - E x

[Text] Good good good. - R x

Grantaire wondered if he should leave it there. But he didn’t want to leave it there.

[Text] It’s weird being away. - R x

Enjolras thought he should try a bit of distance, respond with something nonchalant like you’ll be home soon enough or enjoy your time away. Anything that might not give away how much he missed Grantaire already. It didn’t happen that way.

[Text] Paris really isn’t the same without you. - E x

Grantaire flopped down on the bed and stared at his phone for a long time, before finally giving in and pressing the button to call Enjolras.

Enjolras’ heart skipped to see the call coming through, and he answered immediately, without worrying about how desperate to talk to him that might make him seem.

“Hey you,” he said, moving from the kitchen to the living room to sit on the sofa. “Everything okay?”

“Hi,” Grantaire said, his heart rate picking up. “Oui, oui, everything’s okay. I just…” He breathed a laugh. “Je ne sais pas. I just got homesick all of a sudden. You don’t mind me calling? You’re not busy?”

“Non, not at all,” Enjolras said, soft smile apparent in his voice. Grantaire felt homesick, and called Enjolras. Not Jehan or Combeferre or anyone else. It made him happier than it maybe should have. “Are you working today?”

“Not officially,” Grantaire said, relaxing a little. “But I’d like to have a wander round and start thinking about what I’m going to work on. Are you?”

“A bit,” Enjolras said. “I need to work on these case files - oh, I heard back from Clara’s sister. We’re setting up a time to meet, she’s excited to write the story. My client even wants to give an interview.”

“Ah, oui?” Grantaire said enthusiastically. “Mon ami, that’s great!”

Enjolras faltered; he’d rather Grantaire didn’t refer to him by anything other than his given name if mon ami was the only other alternative.

“Oui, it is,” he said, managing a small laugh. “Not as exciting as being able to wander along a beach and call it work, but exciting all the same.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “That was all for fun,” he teased. “Work hasn’t started yet.”

“But who is going to stop you from taking trips to the beach if it’s the sea that inspires your work, hm?”

Grantaire smiled. Just two minutes of conversation with Enjolras and he felt worlds better.

“Oui, you may have a point there,” he said.

“You can use that argument, if you’d like, if your patron ever questions why you’re spending so much time lounging in the sand. The sea is your muse.”

“Ah, merci, merci. I’ll bear that in mind,” Grantaire said with a laugh.

“I’m just here to help,” Enjolras said, smile growing at the sound of Grantaire’s laughter. “Dieu, I sound like you, don’t I? Trying to get you out of work so you can relax on a beach.”

Grantaire stretched out on the bed, relaxing a little more now. “I’m sure there’ll be plenty of time for that too,” he said.

“I hope so,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh. “That’s the time I’d like to be around for.”

“I think I get days off,” Grantaire said. “Even though this whole thing feels like one long holiday, really.”

“I’m sure that will change once you start working,” Enjolras said. “Or maybe it won’t, ah? What’s that saying about doing what you love?”

“You’ll never work a day in your life, ah?”

“Oui, that’s the one. You may never want to come back, suddenly Paris will be work.”

“But well worth it,” Grantaire said firmly. He yawned. “I miss it already. Greece is making me lazy. Lazier than I was before. And the heat here is unremitting. It’s not home, lovely as it is.”

Enjolras laughed. “Lazier than before? I think it’s the exhaustion from traveling, not Greece. You’ll miss that heat when you’re coming back to snow.”

“Ah, merde, I will be returning to winter, won’t I?” Grantaire groaned.

“Ouais, you will. No one will get to see that beautiful tan.”

“I shall have to say to hell with the cold and become a nudist,” Grantaire declared.

Enjolras snorted. “I think the cold will win out, mon ami. You’ll be quick to suffer hypothermia with no clothes.”

“Not if I stay inside,” Grantaire pointed out, only to start laughing a moment later. “Ah, dieu, I have no inside in Paris. I have nowhere to live there. What has my life become these past few days?”

“A shambles, clearly,” Enjolras said, laughing too. “You won’t have to worry about it for a few months, and you have plenty of people to stay with in any case.”

Grantaire groaned, though he’d known going into this that that would be the case. “It’ll be like being a student again, couch-surfing,” he lamented. “I’m getting too old for this, Enjolras. I need a little cottage in the countryside with a white picket fence, I’m telling you.”

“You are hardly old,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “You know you’re always welcome to stay here. It’s no cottage in the countryside, but I think it’s comfortable.”

For a second, the idea was a blissful one. Then, it occurred to him just how much that would hurt, the constant agony he would be in, living with Enjolras again and sleeping in the spare room.

“Ah, merci,” he said, as lightly as he could. “I guess you’re right, there’s still ages to sort something out.”

It wasn’t an outright rejection, but it felt close enough, even as politely as Grantaire gave it to him. Enjolras felt deeply silly for even suggesting it.

“Oui, no need to worry about it now.”

“Oui, exactement,” he said, trying to sound cheerful.

“Really, don’t worry,” Enjolras said sincerely. “Everything will fall into place, you’ll see.”

“Ah, there’s that conviction of yours,” Grantaire said, affectionately teasing.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Is it helping?”

“Always.”

“Good,” Enjolras said softly, smile in his voice. “Feeling any less homesick now?”

Grantaire took a deep breath. “Oui, I’m good. I’m all good.”

“I believe that,” Enjolras said. “I can’t wait to hear all about your first day.”

Grantaire groaned dramatically. “I’d just managed to forget that I’m here to work.”

Enjolras laughed. “You’re living the artist’s dream, R. Don’t pretend to be so miserable.”

“Ah, it’s not going to fly with you then, ah?” Grantaire asked, laughing. “I’ll have to try it on Combeferre. Maybe he’ll have some sympathy in reserve for me.”

“Do you even know Ferre?” Enjolras said. “He’s meaner than I am; your best bet is on Joly or Bossuet.”

“They’re too easy,” Grantaire said. “You want a bit of a challenge, t’sais?”

“Am I not enough of a challenge for you?”

“Too much of a challenge,” Grantaire teased.

Enjolras laughed. “You wouldn’t pay me near as much attention if I weren’t.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “That’s no excuse.”

“Non? Is that not why you acted out in every meeting, for the attention?”

“Don’t play lawyers with me, monsieur - we’re not in court right now.”

Enjolras laughed again. “I’m only saying you shouldn’t be surprised by my behavior.”

“Ca va, ca va, I concede,” Grantaire said, his smile audible in his voice.

“Ah, sweet victory,” Enjolras teased.

“Don’t make me come over there.”

“That’s a terrible threat,” Enjolras said. “I’ll just keep annoying you.”

Grantaire’s smile turned sad. “I kind of wish I hadn’t come,” he said.

“Non non non, I’m just teasing, R,” Enjolras said quickly, dropping his playful tone. “You’re feeling a little homesick, that’s all.”

“Ouais, je sais,” Grantaire said, closing his eyes and just listening to the sound of Enjolras’ voice.

“And you’ll start working, and soon you won’t even notice it,” Enjolras said, as calmly as he could. “Crete will be home for a while.”

“Dieu, that’s a weird thought.”

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Oui, it is,” he agreed. “But you’re in one place, and that’s easier to settle into.”

“Oui, c’est vrai.”

“And I’m only ever a phone call away.”

“Oui,” Grantaire said softly. “Thank you for that.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” Enjolras said, matching Grantaire’s tone. “I want to hear from you.”

“Ah, but will you start regretting that when I’m constantly in touch with you for the next however long?”

“Not even for a minute.”

“Can I get a signed contract for that?”

“I’ll draft one up tonight and email it over.”

“I’ll have my Greek lawyer look it over in the morning.”

“You don’t trust my expertise?”

“Aren’t you supposed to always have important contracts looked over by a third party?”

“Why are you suddenly remembering legal advice I gave you years ago?”

“I always make a point of remembering your legal advice!” Grantaire laughed.

Enjolras laughed too. “Only when you’re in some kind of trouble.”

“Well, when else would I need it, ah?”

“I hate to admit that you make a good point.”

“We all know I should have been a lawyer,” Grantaire joked.

Enjolras laughed. “Can you imagine us arguing in a courtroom?”

“It’d basically just be like a Musain meeting, non?”

“The stakes are much higher; the results are recorded, sometimes published for mass media, but always kept forever.”

“Forever is relative, non?”

“Breaking into the courthouse and destroying their records is illegal and you will be prosecuted.”

Grantaire burst into laughed. “That’s not what I was saying!” he protested. “Stop leading the witness! Objection, Your Honour!”

Enjolras couldn’t help laughing too. “Feeling guilty, R? You’re not even on trial yet.”

“So why are you treating me like a criminal, ah?”

“I’m not treating you like a criminal, I’m simply giving you advice.”

“Which would be needed by criminals.”

“Hey, I could be charging you hourly for this advice. It’s friendly.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “Dieu, you’re insufferable; I love-” He caught himself just in time. “-it. I love it.” He closed his eyes.

Enjolras’ laughter sounded strained, even to him. Grantaire hadn’t meant anything by his words, his almost words. Just a slip of the tongue, old habits. He couldn’t decide if that made it better or worse.

“Well, don’t let me keep you, ah?” he said, lightly as he could. “You wanted to go scope out sights, non?”

Grantaire kept his eyes squeezed shut tight. When was it going to stop hurting?

“Ah, oui, I should… Oui. I’m sure you have loads of work to do too.”

“Oui, I do,” Enjolras said, though he couldn’t think of a single thing he needed to get done. He just wanted to fly out to Grantaire. “Talk soon, oui?”

“Oui, talk soon. Say hi to Ant for me.”

“I will. I’ll send you pictures soon.”

“Merci,” Grantaire said softly. He stared up at the ceiling, willing himself to hang up, just hang up.

Enjolras exhaled softly, hesitating over words that he ultimately decided to leave unsaid. “Take care,” he said, hanging up before he got his nerve.

“You too,” Grantaire said, a moment too late. He swallowed and pushed his phone aside, then rolled over onto his side, curling up and closing his eyes.

#neither lost nor found #marbleloverofliberty

[optxmiste]

marble-lover-of-liberty replied to your post:i see a lot of cat sitter jobs advertised and even...

“my cat thinks I give the best pets and food. I am clearly qualified for this position. hire me.”

basically? i literally can’t think of what they mean by references, unless there’s a secret union of cat babysitters out there somewhere i need to join first

#marbleloverofliberty #{ replied }

[leavethehxrtbehind]

"I thought they were going to kill me..."

[marble-lover-of-liberty]

There is no reply to his statement, she simply rips another strip of fabric, dirtied but all she has as they take shelter in the basement of a local café. He can hiss all he wants, it was his fault the bullet grazed him.

Jerking it down suddenly, she pressed it down to stem the bleeding.

Sulking.

“They will; don’t ever put it past them. The only reason your here is because we found you last moment.” And she washed his wound out again. “Why must you always think you’re right?”

#marbleloverofliberty #ask #answered meme #{Thank you!} #v; Les Miserables #c; Enjolras #au; vive la résistance #marble-lover-of-liberty

[throughthefumes]

neither lost nor found viii

Days passed before Enjolras got the nerve to contact Grantaire. He’d spoken with his mother and set things straight, and felt the need to reassure him that everything was taken care of. He seemed receptive, and they talked beyond the drama with his mother and Grantaire answered questions about his day and asked Enjolras about his, and slowly, slowly, they were on speaking terms again. Nothing deep, nothing serious.

For the first time, he really felt good about his progress. He could wake up in the morning without Grantaire being his first thought, he could meet with his friends without them throwing him worried looks if they mentioned Grantaire’s name, he could make it through an entire day of work without some small thing reminding him of Grantaire and knocking the wind out of him, he could let himself see other opportunities in his life that might lead him away from the future he wanted with Grantaire.

Enjolras slowly learned to be friends with Grantaire, not because he wanted to but because he had to, and they both seemed better for it.

The first text from Finn had come not long before Grantaire had called about Marie’s visit. It was casual, just checking in after radio silence. The texts became more frequent, until they were phone calls between Finn’s classes and after work, and then eventually there were Skype calls that lasted late into the night and it was fun and easier than Enjolras had thought it would be to share affection with someone else.

When Finn suggested he should come visit, Enjolras laughed until he realized he was serious. The idea scared him, and it didn’t; it felt very much like a turning point and he didn’t know what was on the other side. But he remembered what Grantaire had said so many weeks ago, you can make it mean something. Hadn’t he already? He talked to Finn almost more than he did with Ferre.

So he agreed.

Grantaire, on the other hand, felt like he was floundering. Les Amis were his friends, Étienne was his friend, Enjolras was his friend, but he came home from work at the end of the day and all he had was a flat in which he could hold his arms out and practically touch opposite walls and Ant. Save for the fact he’d actually managed to finish his degree, he was in exactly the same place he’d been before he and Enjolras had started dating. He had nothing. There was nothing. He clung to brief phone calls with Enjolras and told himself he’d survived on less before. But it hurt, he hurt, and he didn’t know what to do. He’d always curled in on himself or around a wine bottle before, but that wasn’t an option anymore.

So, he reached out. Maybe Enjolras wasn’t the best choice of someone to reach out to, but sometimes he felt like the only choice.

[Text] I’d love to see your new flat, by the way. - R x

Enjolras showed Finn Paris the way Finn had shown him Amsterdam. They hit all the tourist spots, but he showed him all the back roads and hidden cafés with the best coffee and danishes, and his favorite spot along the Seine and the route he ran early in the morning before the sun came out. He loved having Finn around, having company in a flat that didn’t quite feel like home and was often too quiet for comfort.

That afternoon, they had the windows open to invite in the summer breeze and sun. Finn sat on the floor with his guitar in his lap and Enjolras sprawled out on the sofa, his fingers playing with the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Pass me my phone?” he asked when he heard it buzzing on the coffee table.

“You don’t like my song?” Finn teased, handing it over.

Enjolras unlocked his phone and nearly dropped it when he saw the text.

“Okay?”

“It’s R.”

Finn smiled up at him and continued to play his song.

[Text] I’d love to show it to you. When are you free? - E x

That was a relief, wasn’t it? That plans were being made so easily - they hadn’t really seen each other face-to-face since everything had happened. Still, Grantaire fiddled with his phone for a little while before responding. There was a big difference between intending to see Enjolras again and actually making it happen.

[Text] Whenever. When’s good for you? - R x

Enjolras hesitated, looking from his phone to Finn and back again. The ache in his chest told him he wanted to see Grantaire fiercely, but he couldn’t possibly invite him over with Finn here. But he worried if he held him off, Grantaire might hesitate to make plans again.

“I can hear you thinking,” Finn said, twisting to face him.

“He wants to come see the apartment.”

“Now?”

“I’m not sure.”

Finn’s smile was teasing again. “I’m surprised he wants to see you at all after your Maman ambushed him.”

“Shut up.”

“You can invite him over. We’re not doing anything.”

[Text] You’re welcome anytime. - E x

[Text] You should know I have company this week, though. Not that that means you can’t come over. You can. - E

It was more difficult than ever to figure out what Enjolras actually wanted. Grantaire reread that second text over and over, until the words didn’t have any meaning anymore. Who could possibly be staying with him? All his friends were in Paris, weren’t they? And surely it wasn’t a family member; his maman would never let family stay in Enjolras’ place over their veritable mansion just outside Paris. Unless it was a hastily thought-out excuse to keep Grantaire away.

It was probably best to play it safe.

[Text] No worries. Some other time, ah? - R

Enjolras could feel his opportunity to see Grantaire for the first time in weeks just slipping through his fingers; he worried it would be weeks before he had the chance again.

“What do I say?” Enjolras asked, showing Finn their texts.

“You are not smooth at all,” Finn said with a laugh. “Do you want to invite him over?”

Enjolras smiled sheepishly. “I do, but you came all this way to see me and I don’t…”

Finn smiled, stretching to kiss his cheek. “I’d like to meet him. Invite him over.”

[Text] It’s Finn. I’d like you to meet him, if you’re up for it. - E

Finn.

Finn.

It was Finn.

Grantaire got abruptly to his feet, scared for a second he was about to be sick. It was Finn. Finn was staying with Enjolras. Enjolras wanted him to meet Finn.

What choice did he have? If he said no, Enjolras would think he was upset or put out or angry about this - and he wasn’t, couldn’t be. He would have to go to Enjolras’ new apartment, where Finn, not he, was staying, and meet Finn and be friendly and pretend his heart wasn’t breaking all over again - because it shouldn’t be, couldn’t be.

[Text] Sounds good. Just let me know when. - R

Enjolras was sure Finn could hear his heart thudding against his chest. What was he thinking, introducing his ex-fiancé to his… to Finn?

“Easy, Enj,” Finn said, moving to sit on the sofa beside him. “You are friends, right? There is nothing to be weird about.”

“I’ve never dated anyone except him,” Enjolras blurted out. “He’s never seen me with anyone else.”

Surprise colored Finn’s expression for just a moment before he broke into that carefree smile again. “There is a first for everything.”

[Text] We are just hanging around now. I was going to start making dinner soon, you’re welcome to join us. - E

“So, you’ve never dated anyone else?”

“Shut up.”

Great. Great! Dinner. A whole dinner, with Enjolras and his… What was Finn exactly? He could hardly be a one-night stand Enjolras regretted now. He was staying with him for a whole week.

[Text] I’ll head over soon. Want me to bring anything? - R

[Text] Non, non. I have everything here, merci. I’ll see you soon. - E

“Up, get up,” Enjolras said, getting up from the sofa hastily himself. “I need to get dressed. You need to get dressed, mon dieu. We need to clean up, this place is a mess.”

Finn laughed. “Enjolras, this place is nearly sterile.”

“Mon dieu, have you been talking to my mother?”

Enjolras pushed Finn towards the bedroom and remained out in the living area to tidy up, putting throw pillows back in their place and putting away the dirty dishes from their breakfast that morning. When he went into the bedroom to change, he was relieved to see that Finn was dressed and had put the clothes he’d strewn across the floor back into his suitcase.

“Keep your hair down,” Finn said from behind Enjolras as he looked himself over in the mirror. “You have a hickey on your neck.”

“Oh, dieu.”

Grantaire showed up an hour or so later, wary of being too early and too late, dreading every single aspect of the evening to come. He’d actually stopped at a liquor store on the way there, realising only as he stepped inside that he didn’t drink anymore and Enjolras never had, and likely wouldn’t be impressed by him turning up with a bottle of wine in his hand.

He made his way straight to the address Enjolras had texted him after that. He had vague memories of the photos of the place Enjolras had shown him, but the flat itself wasn’t really his main concern anymore.

It took him a few minutes of pacing outside the front door to work up the nerve to ring the doorbell.

Finn tried to distract Enjolras as best he could, playing him silly songs and telling ridiculously bad jokes, and when that didn’t seem to help, he tried reassuring him that dinner would be just fine, stop worrying so much. Enjolras appreciated that about him. Finn never seemed to worry about a thing.

Enjolras nearly jumped out of his skin when the doorbell rang, and Finn hardly suppressed his laughter.

“Do you want me to get that?” Finn asked.

“Non, non,” he said hastily, getting to his feet. “Just.. wait here.”

Enjolras took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and moved to open the door.

“Hey,” he said, smiling almost helplessly at the sight of him there. “You, um… hey. Come in.”

“Hey,” Grantaire said. He couldn’t quite make himself move from the doorstep. “Are… Are you sure? I don’t have to…”

Enjolras faltered. “You don’t have to,” he said softly, stepping forward. “If this is weird. I just wanted to see you, and he’s… he’s nice. He’s funny.”

“Non, non, I’m good,” Grantaire said quickly. “I just… don’t want it to be weird for you. This is a pretty big deal, ah?”

“I don’t know,” Enjolras admitted with a soft laugh. “Maybe. Is it?”

Grantaire shrugged lightly. “I nearly brought Ant,” he said, trying not to read into anything. “But then I didn’t know how… Finn… is with cats. But she says hi.”

“You could have brought Ant. He has two cats,” Enjolras said. “Do you, ah… are you okay to come in?”

Grantaire nodded, taking a quick, deep breath. “This is a nice area,” he said.

“Oui, it is,” Enjolras agreed, taking a step back to let Grantaire inside. “It’s a quiet street, kind of tucked away from everything. I’m glad you found it okay.”

When Grantaire cleared the doorway, Enjolras closed the door behind them, leading the way further inside.

“Ah, this is the main living area,” he said. “And, ah… this is Finn.”

Finn stood from the sofa and crossed the room to them, offering a smile and his hand to Grantaire.

“Grantaire, right? It’s good to finally put a face to the name.”

Grantaire managed a smile as he clasped Finn’s hand. He was devastatingly good-looking. Of course Enjolras had chosen him. “Grantaire. Rémi. Whatever. Good to meet you, Finn.”

Enjolras’ nerves were no better now that the meeting had taken place than they were in anticipation of their meeting.

“You, ah… have you been going by Rémi recently?” Enjolras asked.

Grantaire shrugged, admittedly a little self-consciously. “Nobody I’m hanging round with really goes by their surname,” he said. “I was always Rémi at work anyway, and at home.”

Enjolras felt that hit in the pit of his stomach. “Oh, well…”

“R is a good compromise, isn’t it?” Finn said, nudging his shoulder against Enjolras’ with a smile. “Why don’t you give the grand tour and I will get started on dinner? We decided on spaghetti, is that okay with you, R?”

Grantaire hated his name in Finn’s voice. He forced a smile. “Sounds great,” he said, turning to Enjolras before he’d even finished speaking. “Lead the way.”

Finn gave Enjolras a quick smile before turning to head for the kitchen.

“Ca va, well,” Enjolras said, gesturing to the room they were standing in. “The living room. Ah, behind you there is my work space. That’s the balcony there, it’s hardly big enough for a chair. Ah…”

He headed for a door off the main living room, opening it for Grantaire to peer in and immediately regretted it.

“The bedroom. It’s a nice size,” he said, praying Grantaire would make nothing of the unmade bed he’d clearly been sharing with Finn. “The kitchen is back the other way, there’s room for a table there. You’ll see when we eat.”

They were sharing a bed, probably sleeping together if the poorly hidden lovebite, vivid on the pale skin of Enjolras’ neck, was anything to go by. Grantaire took that in and a strange numbness settled over him, the sort of sensation he’d sought through alcohol and worse, back when looking at Enjolras had hurt like looking at the sun, like it did again now.

“It’s a really nice place,” he said, managing to smile at Enjolras. “I bet the light’s nice in the mornings.”

Enjolras gazed silently at Grantaire for a long moment, remembering how beautiful he looked in the early morning light, blinking sleep from his eyes and reaching to pull Enjolras close after having drifted apart in their sleep. Sadness lingered behind his returning smile.

“Just beautiful,” he said. “Do you want to check out the kitchen?”

Grantaire nodded, looking away quickly. “Oui, sounds good,” he said, gesturing for Enjolras to lead the way.

Enjolras took a steadying breath before leading the way from the bedroom and back across the living room to the kitchen.

“It’s a decent size,” he said. “Four could fit comfortably. How’s dinner coming?”

“The pasta is nearly done, the sauce is ready for mixing, the bread is in the oven,” Finn said, smiling at them. “Can I get you a drink?”

“I’ll make up some waters,” Enjolras said, moving for the cupboard. “I have juice and coke, too, if you’re interested, R.”

“Water’s fine, merci,” Grantaire said, hanging awkwardly back in the doorway. “Can I do anything?”

“Non, non, have a seat,” Enjolras said, gesturing towards the kitchen table. “Did you work today?”

“You work at an art gallery, right?” Finn asked.

“Oui et oui,” Grantaire said, obediently taking a seat.

“What do you do? Are you a curator?” Finn asked, taking the glass of water Enjolras offered him with a smile.

Enjolras handed a glass off to Grantaire, and moved to get bowls and silverware on the table. He didn’t insert himself in the conversation, deciding he should give them a chance to get to know each other without his interference.

“I just work there,” Grantaire said, glancing at Enjolras and quickly realising he was on his own here. “I give tours or work on the front desk. Whatever they need me to do.”

Enjolras gave Grantaire a fondly exasperated look. “He had an exhibition there a few months ago. He’s a great artist.”

“Really?” Finn asked. “What kind of work do you do?”

“This and that,” Grantaire said. “Nothing… in particular. What do you do?”

“I’m studying music composition,” Finn said. “I finish next year, though I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it yet.”

“Ah, hence the guitar,” Grantaire said, gesturing vaguely back to the main room. He was surprised to find that Finn was so much younger than them both, though he didn’t know why.

“I tried to teach Enj a few chords, but he doesn’t have the patience,” Finn said. “Oh, god, did you know he knows every word to Halo?”

Color flooded Enjolras’ face. “Finn, non-”

“Every word,” Finn said, smiling playfully at Enjolras. “Who knew he even knew who Beyoncé is? And he’s good too, have you heard him sing?”

“I think this is ready,” Enjolras said, nudging Finn out of the way to drain the pasta. He felt like he’d ducked his face into the boiling water.

“I couldn’t convince him to cover it with me for my YouTube channel,” Finn said with a wistful sigh. “We could have kickstarted his new career.”

Enjolras rolled his eyes. “Hardly,” he said. “Grab the bread from the oven before you let it burn.”

Grantaire hadn’t known. He’d never heard Enjolras sing, not in years of knowing him nor years of living him. And Finn, who’d known him for a handful of days, knew, saw little parts of Enj that Grantaire hadn’t known were there. It broke his heart.

“Smells great,” he said, because, for once, he couldn’t find any other words.

“It’s all Enj,” Finn said, rescuing the bread as directed and plating it. “He had everything ready to go, I just stirred. Is there anything he can’t do?”

Finn nudged Enjolras teasingly as he passed by him to put the bread on the table; Enjolras rolled his eyes again. Normally he would’ve nudged back, made a teasing comment in return, and they’d horse around until someone surrendered. Enjolras didn’t feel comfortable having too much physical contact with him in front of Grantaire.

Enjolras dished out three bowls of spaghetti and placed them on the table, along with a plate of grated cheese.

“And there it is, dinner,” he said. “Does anyone need anything else before I sit down?”

“Non, merci,” Grantaire said, growing more and more subdued. “This is great.”

Enjolras sat at the round table between Finn and Grantaire. He felt a shift in the energy in the room, and with a glance over at Grantaire, he knew he should’ve waited to have him over until Finn had gone. This wasn’t a piece of their lives they could share with each other.

“Well, dig in.”

Grantaire found it difficult to eat, though he didn’t let that on; he complimented the food and the kitchen and made comments about how nice it was to finally meet Finn, all the while struggling to swallow.

He’d lost Enjolras. That much was clear. He didn’t belong here with him and Finn, and it felt like that marked a significant change. There were moving down separate paths and, for the first time, he didn’t have any hope that they would meet up again in the future.

The conversation was light and easy, and Enjolras felt anything but. He was slowly beginning to see where this turning point ended up, and he knew he wanted no part of it.

Finn was sweet, and carefree and funny and charismatic, but he wasn’t Grantaire. No one would ever be Grantaire. He’d fooled himself into thinking he’d made progress, that getting involved with Finn and distracted by work meant he was slowly getting over Grantaire, but he knew now, sitting between them both, that he was still more in love with Grantaire than he’d ever been, and he always would be.

“Sorry, I just…” Enjolras put his fork down, standing from the table. “I think I heard a knock. I’ll go check.”

And without a better explanation, he walked from the kitchen and the apartment and out into the hallway, pacing back and forth down the corridor to try to catch his breath.

Grantaire watched him go before turning back to look at Finn with a bewildered expression.

“Is he alright?” he asked. “Has something happened?”

Finn looked just as taken aback as Grantaire did, though he was sure he had a bit more of an idea on what the outburst was about. He hadn’t ever expected Enjolras would just get up in the middle of a conversation.

“Ah… I would give him a few minutes,” he said. “I think he is… overwhelmed.”

Grantaire knew Enjolras responded better to stress when he had someone there to help him rationalise, but he could hardly get up to go comfort him now Finn had told him to stay.

He nodded.

A moment later, he got to his feet.

“I think I should go,” he said quietly. “It’ll be… easier for him if I’m not here.”

Finn stood too, struggling with something to say. He’d never been involved with someone who had so much emotional baggage, not any that he had to be confronted with, anyway. He tried to stay away from this kind of drama.

“Hey, ah… we’re not that serious,” he said. “I mean, I like him. A lot. He is… something else, you know that. But…”

He shrugged.

“We’re not together anymore,” Grantaire said, though he wasn’t sure why he was trying to console Finn. “But, obviously, it takes time to move on when you were engaged to someone. I just want to help him do that, so… Enjoy the rest of your stay, ah? Don’t let this… change anything. I’m out of the picture. He’ll be good without me around.”

“Engaged, wow,” Finn said with a breath of a laugh. “Sorry, I am not very good at this, ah… I mean, I see the way you look at him, and the way he looks at you, and how he talks about you… it makes more sense now. I don’t want to be in the way of that.”

“You’re not,” Grantaire said firmly. “It’s over. It was good to meet you, Finn. Maybe we’ll get to hang out sometime.”

He made his way to the door before Finn could say anything else.

Enjolras was still pacing out in the hallway, counting his steps up and down, up and down, trying to talk himself into going back inside where he’d just left Grantaire and Finn alone, merde he’d left them alone.

Just as he was making his way back to the door to force himself to go back in, it opened and Grantaire came out of it. He exhaled sharply.

“Dieu, hi, sorry, I’m coming.”

“Non, it’s alright,” Grantaire said gently. “What’s up? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Enjolras said hastily. “I’m okay, I just… It was warm in there, or something. I’m okay. Are you? I’m sorry I just left you in there, he’s nice, non?”

“Oui, really nice,” Grantaire said, managing to smile. “I’m okay, but I’m going to head home now, ca va? I’ve left Ant on her own and everything and I have to be at work early tomorrow.”

Enjolras reached to hold Grantaire’s arm without thought. “Oh, already?”

“Oui, I’m sorry,” Grantaire said quickly, looking down at Enjolras’ hand on his arm and then back at him. “I’d love to stay longer, but…”

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras said, letting go of Grantaire when he realized what he’d done. “This was such a stupid idea. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Grantaire couldn’t help it; he reached out to squeeze Enjolras’ hand. “It was a really nice idea,” he said firmly. “Finn’s lovely. It was good to meet him and I’m really glad he’s visiting. I just have to get back to Ant.”

Enjolras’ skin burned under Grantaire’s touch. He squeezed his hand back, and didn’t let go.

“Grantaire, I…” He stopped, took a deep breath. “Tell Ant I said hi.”

Grantaire swallowed and nodded and couldn’t find anything else to say. He squeezed Enjolras’ hand tight and couldn’t smile and broke away quickly to make his way out of the apartment building.

Enjolras wanted to follow Grantaire, but didn’t. He’d wanted to tell him he loved him, but hadn’t had the nerve. And now Grantaire believed that Enjolras was invested in Finn and, really, how could he ever be when Grantaire had walked away with his heart?

He went back inside. Finn had already cleared up dinner and put on a pot of coffee and Enjolras joined him silently on the sofa.

Grantaire went home and straight to bed, but couldn’t sleep. He lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling, with Ant curled up on his stomach, and tried to cry, but there was nothing. It had all fallen too far apart; he just felt numb.

Finn fell asleep before Enjolras, who laid restlessly beside him staring up at the ceiling. He regretted nothing more than not speaking his mind to Grantaire in the hall when he had the chance. And the guilt of letting Finn comfort him after ate him up.

As carefully as Enjolras could, he rolled out of bed and grabbed his phone, closing the bedroom door behind him on his way to the balcony. He texted Grantaire.

[Text] I’m sorry again for tonight. I’ll make it up to you. - E x

The sound of his phone buzzing made Grantaire jump. He hadn’t quite managed to fall asleep, but he’d been drifting in a space that was removed from consciousness. He sighed as he picked up his phone.

If he didn’t reply, Enjolras would worry.

[Text] Nothing to apologise for or make up. Just enjoy the rest of Finn’s visit, oui? - R

[Text] Will you come round again? Once he’s left? - E

Grantaire faltered. How could he? It would break his heart.

[Text] I don’t know if that’s a good idea, E. - R

Enjolras sank to the ground, leaning back against the railings.

[Text] Why not? - E

[Text] It’s really late. We should both get some sleep. - R

Enjolras exhaled a shaky breath, tears following it immediately. So Grantaire knew Enjolras was still in love with him, and he didn’t feel the same, and he was the one strong enough to maintain the boundaries.

[Text] Ca va.

It was that simple. Grantaire let his phone fall off his bed and curled up away from it, squeezing his eyes shut tight. It was that simple. Enjolras would be able to carry on moving on so much more quickly this way and Grantaire would… Well, this feeling wasn’t unfamiliar to him. It was that simple.

Things changed between Enjolras and Finn after their dinner with Grantaire. They didn’t talk about Enjolras’ outburst at the table, they didn’t talk about Grantaire at all, and usually no topic of conversation was off limits between them. Finn seemed more reserved around him. Still playful and happy to keep Enjolras’ bed warm, but he had reservation behind every touch, every kiss. Enjolras tried to act normal, like he had plenty of that easy, careless affection to share, but Finn knew better.

“I’ll miss having you here,” Enjolras said. They stood out on the train platform, Finn packed to go back to Amsterdam. “You’ll have to come back soon, ca va?”

Finn smiled. “Classes are starting up again. It’ll be hard for me to get away until school breaks up for the holidays.”

“Maybe I could come see you,” Enjolras suggested. “I have the time.”

“Listen, E…” Finn shifted awkwardly, still maintaining that sweet smile for him. Enjolras’ stomach dropped. “This was… great. You are great. I have never known anyone like you, and it… it’s hard to do this, okay? But you obviously have a lot of unfinished business and I just… I really do not want to be in the middle of all this.”

“I don’t… what do you mean?”

“Enj, come on. I know you and R have a lot of history but it’s not as far in the past as you think it is.”

“R? You’re talking about… oh, Finn, please, non, it’s not like that. It’s over, I swear. He’s moved on, I’m moving on, it’s over.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Finn said, resting his hands on either side of Enjolras’ neck to calm him. “It’s okay. There are no hard feelings here, okay? I believe you believe it’s over, but what I saw that night, it’s not. You were engaged. Whether it’s one-sided or not, it’s not over, and I can’t be in the middle of it. I can’t help you get over someone you’re in love with. It’s not fair to either of us.”

Enjolras bit down hard on the inside of his lip, forcing himself not to cry. Finn was right; he didn’t deserve to be dragged along in all of Enjolras’ baggage with only the slimmest chance of this turning into something more. That didn’t make it hurt any less.

“I really wanted… I should have told you about…”

Finn shook his head. “I know,” he said, letting his hands fall. He wasn’t smiling anymore. “I’ll text you when I get in, okay?”

And with nothing else to say except goodbye, Finn got on the train and Enjolras didn’t wait for it to leave the platform before walking away.

#neither lost nor found #marbleloverofliberty #this is getting out of hand