#man idk it feels like i can't go on anymore

[usereddie]

hi bia, I want to know your opinion re eddie cheating and latino culture/catholicism. I feel like in many ways a man cheating is something so normal in latin families (idk how this applies for latin people in the us but it's definitely a thing when living in latin america) and that's something that doesn't cause as much struggle with catholicism and "sin", as being queer does. I find it interesting how of course there's a loss that eddie thinks may happen if he cuts that last link to his religion connected to latino culture by coming out/coming to terms with his sexuality, that just doesn't seem to happen with other "sins"... idk if you've watched Brooklyn 99, but in there there's a Latina that comes out as bi to her parents and in the scene they basically tell her they'd rather she was dating someone married than admit that she was queer, and I feel like that's it, even tho I'm not sure eddie is aware of, he's falling into this (i believe) specific latino man stereotype where it's okay to do a lot of bad things, things maybe not accepted by the religion but unfortunately accepted by the culture, as long as you DON'T do the worst thing ever, which is being queer... idk if this makes sense lol, maybe it's not a thing lol, you dont have to post it I just dont have any other latino people i follow that may understand it, sorry

god, yeah, it's totally a thing. i grew up in texas but i was born and now live in latin america and this is so, so true. there are sins men are allowed to commit in latino communities because the sins are still "masculine". cheating on your girlfriend (they're not even married) is nothing. who cares. it still aligns with the misogyny that runs so rampant in latino culture. eddie sleeps with multiple women even though he has a girlfriend? oh, she wasn't enough him. she wasn't doing her job to keep him satisfied. it's a moral failing on her part, not his. and eddie's not that kind of guy, we know that, but this is all he learned growing up. it's very, very easy to fall back on the excuses you've heard a dozen times even when you know it's cruel. eddie dates two women at once and doesn't tell either of them? he's a firefighter, he's a single father, his life is stressful enough. let him have two women so when one gets high maintenance and irritating he can go to the other.

this is real! this is so real! it's so fucked up!

eddie breaks up with both marisol and not-shannon and gets with buck, though?

that'd be a problem. i have no doubt in mind eddie grew up hearing gay as an insult and faggot thrown around casually because homophobia is casual, not only in latino communities, but in the american south in general. he saw the way men who cheated would show up to mass with their wife against their side. her eyes were always so heartbroken, but that's something he's allowed. it's his right as a man. how can you fault his nature?

queerness is wrong, though. it's an abomination. you can't even confess to your sins because the church won't let you inside anymore. eddie can feel guilty for cheating on marisol all he wants, but guilt over something he's allowed is still better than bone deep shame over something he has not control over being.

and eddie's gonna hate himself for it! he's done so much to unlearn the worst parts of machismo, the parts that hurt him the most as a child, but god is it easy to fall back on when you need an excuse. his dad was absent most of his life growing up, but that's okay because he was providing. men don't sin for no reason. their wife isn't enough, they need to provide for their kids, their kids are a little too queer and need fixing. a heavy hand is better than an eternity in hell.

it's so complex. it's such a complicated relationship with himself, with religion, with being latino. god can judge him but how will he handle the judgment from his family. the church can hate him all they want but how is he supposed to handle the side eyes and whispers when he shows up to his high school friend's wedding and there's no plus one because it's either show up single or show up with a man.

men are allowed sin. men are allowed moral failing.

men are not allowed queerness.

and as much as eddie has been doing so much good work to unlearn that, the nasty, nails in your skin part of growing up latino are just as impossible to shed as the skin that covers your bones.

(also, yes, i did watch b99 and i remember that!)

#do not get me wrong i love being latino i love my culture and my people and my community i wouldn't change it for anything #but dear GOD is it fucked up sometimes #bia gets mail #anon #eddie diaz #eddie & latino culture #<- that's gonna be my new tag for this cuz i love talking about it bad

[kk0n]

🪼

#tje thread is terribly thin i fear #idk whats happening to me i need an exorcism #like lately im so unbearably miserable im sad SAD babe #i think im going thru major depressive episode #i cant even do my makeup anymore goingt #going to class is a torture i hate what im majoring at i hate computer sciences i truly wish i was dead only 6 months more but #man idk it feels like i can't go on anymore #but anyways #i cant kill myself i don't want to make my family sad #they been through enough

[moongothic]

Lotta people wondering if there is correlation between "Haki can reverse DF status effects" and "Croc never used Haki" (-> "he can't use Haki lest it detranses him"), and while plausible

I do want to ask, do y'all think Haki could reverse what Shinobu did to Momonosuke? No, this is related I swear

Like my logic is that there's generally speaking two types of Devil Fruit abilities

there's ones that create "temporary status effects" onto others, either wearing off with time or if the user passes out/dies/undoes the ability (Foxy, Sugar, Bonney etc)

ones that change you permanently and won't become undone even if the user died (though some may still be reversible by the original user) (Hancock, Shinobu etc)

And as we know, Haki can reverse those temporary status effects, as we see Law do with the Sickness Doc Q inflicted on him and his crew, right

So the question is, while Haki can reverse the temporary changes, can it also break through those (mostly) irreversible changes? Do you think Momonosuke could reverse Shinobu's Ripening ability and deage himself if he mastered his Haki?

Because I feel like, if not, Crocodile could totally use Haki (if he can in the first place) without it undoing Iva-chan's HRT, because Iva-chan's HRT is supposed to be permanent, it doesn't wear off, the only way to reverse it is supposed to be by Iva-chan's own hands

But if Momonosuke could deage himself again by mastering his Haki, then I feel like Crocodile could indeed be in trouble

#Moon posting #OP Spoilers #OP Meta #Sir Crocodile #I do feel like Doc Q's ''Turning Into A Woman'' Disease is like. Setup for fucking something #That shit was *way too fucking specific* for it to be just a throw-away gag for funsies #Who knows maybe Blackbeard and Cross Guild end up clashing and Doc Q does his thing #And ends up doing -100000 Dysphoria Damage to Crocodile's psyche or something #(But if Croc can't use Haki that could lead to a badass fucking way for him to awaken his Haki or something) #Or maybe Doc Q could abuse the sickness to his advantage if BB crew go up against the Strawhats #Because. As we all know. Sanji can't kick a lady. And Doc Q could make himself untouchable by our idiot cook. Or summin' #IDK #I think my deal is just that I don't want to see Crocodile get permanently detrans'd because god fucking knows #If he wanted to get the T again Ivankov would absolutely humiliate him to hell and back and I don't want to watch that #Esp since the two are on bad terms. Ivankov does not have to fulfill Crocodile's wishes at all. #It'd just be too painful man I just would not want to sit through that shit #Let my man enjoy his gender euphoria in peace he's too old he shouldn't have to deal with humiliation and dysphoria anymore

[running-in-the-dark]

sooooo

I'm 32 now

when can I expect to finally grow out of getting obsessed with men people stuff? I'm waiting....

#I doooo not want it #it's embarrassing #can it stop please #BUT also can I not feel depressed and like an empty shell when it's not happening #I mean I can handle it when it's things. hobbies. shows. whatever #sure it usually ends up being expensive as fuck but #at least I don't go around humiliating myself by talking about nothing but a random guy for months on end #how embarrassing! I think a man is hot! I must jump off a cliff immediately #but whyyyy can't I be normal about it at least #other people get obsessed with normal things! like. idk. anything else #soo anyway the opening narration for the texas chainsaw massacre is great isn't it? he did such a good job :) what a nice voice :) I am not #going to be weird about this man any longer :) no I won't! I'm normal about him! I don't want to bite him or chew on his face or anything #like that. just normal things. uh. sex? that's what people usually want. yeah fine that. I mean I do. want. oh I think I'm doing it again #haha no it's fine I just think he's neat (he's the only person on earth no one else exists anymore he's so beautiful oh my god have you seen #his little face he looks like a cute little potato I've never seen anything prettier in my life haha I need to run my hands through his hair #and have you seen how tall he is and he's so cute and I need to. be taken outside and shot. god. #I keep. shrieking. every time I see him. at such a high frequency that it hurts my own fucking ears. because. I can't believe that he exists #I'm. so. stupid!!!! #annnd repeat this every time this happens blah blah blah i should jsut delete this blog right now oh my GOD.

[jellyfishgardens]

sometimes your brain just decides to attack you throughout the day and we'll into the night and all you can really do is lay in your bed and be sad about it without really being able to talk to anyone about it to relieve the pressure because it is 5 in the fucking morning.

#personal #Sometimes you want to be brave and address some concerns that have been weighing heavy on your heart for a long time #But then you realize it's one of the people you wanna talk to's birthday and you can't fuck up their birthday with Heavy Shit #But also it seems like every single time you want to say something they've just gone through some new horrible trauma #And so the timing is never right to have that kind of talk #But then you wouldn't know when the right time is anyway because you don't really talk about anything anymore #Which is precisely the thing you want to talk about actually #And you're not sure if you've done something to piss somebody off or if you're just not relevant to them or if you're being neurotic #And so instead of sleeping when you're so so tired you are driven with insomnia induced by the pounding of your heart #It feels like drowning and I know this feeling cause it's an old feeling I know intimately and it's scary feeling it again #It's the overbearing loneliness I lived with when I was at my absolute worst and the thought of slipping into that is making me panic a bit #I might have tachycardia or something too idk man I think my heart skips every once in a while #Anyway I want to vomit #Actually I want to sleep but it feels like I have to expel some emotional bile in order to do that #I need the elephant to get off my chest #I miss my cat #I feel like I'm going crazy I feel like I'm getting kind of bad

[anothermonikan]

Me: Literally just trying to draw anything, anything at all

The irreversible impact these two fuckers had on my art:

#using my tumblr blog as a confessional for a moment #maybe I'm just in a little bit of a stump art wise which happens! #But man. idk what I want my art to look like anymore? which is maybe a problem. idk #I don't have like. a goal or anything anymore. like my goal with my art has always changed but idk #because for the longest time my goal was 'Oh. I want my art to be cute!! I want to make cute art!!' so I developed that. #And like yeah! I can draw anime girls now and they look cute enough! but like. what did I even want to use that for? #Idk I can't really think I'm gonna like sob or something aha #I just wanna make stuff man. but nothing is coming out right my art doesn't look right. it's really frustrating!! #What am I supposed to do!! #Nothing I draw feels like it has any substance right now it's just. anime girls and badly drawn robots #It doesn't mean anything. I would like it to mean something #I peaked at robot art I can't even post here because at least it was conveying something. gwahhh #sorry idk how any of this is relevant to the post dsjdsjdsjds #I'm gonna go sob and lie in my bed and sob some more #(I'm not actually going to sob I can't. wish I could tho!) #Android.txt

[arcadequeerz]

Oh mind electric we're really in it now.

#Cade.Txts #i think about tht song all the time. #when they say: Someone help me / Understand what's Going on Inside my Mind! / Doctor I can't tell if I'm Not Me! #I felt tht shit #like man.................me too. #idk tht bit of lyrics has always kinda hit me hard specifically. #Anyways how is everyone doin. sorry I don't ;ost much anymore. #I am posting on my stimblog mostly now BHINJGFDNI if u wanan see stimboards check it out. #im doing a series of stimboards on my favorite pokemon #so far got two boards out already d:) #Wanna keep working on it but i should also make gifs of stuff. #been kind of stressed by shit lately thts unrelated. worried about bigfoot. #he's been acting weird lately. real sluggish n tired. his teeth are bad- n we need to take him to get them checked #but it cost like. 600 to just get a few teeth taken from our dog frankie. #s o. -slides stimboard commission post on my stimblog- /nf #dont like advertising it. feels weird making things for money but if he does need teeyh removed #idk any other way i could make money for it. #hes just got me worried. he's a old man- even tho i always forget he is- #thinking about losing him scares me. am probably rly over thinking shit- he's old course he sleeps n lays around a lot. #but im stil worried. #ANYWHO. stimboard grind 24/7

[paterklatter]

who up experiencing double internalized homophobia

#'i can't like girls that's unnatural and disgusting' #'i can't ever be a real man if i like men' #CAN I EVER WIN????????? #also i get like physically ill at the idea of marrying a man? not even dating that's fine. just forever tying myself to a man fucks me up #i feel like if i marry a man best case scenario i'm always going to be a faggot worst case scenario i'll be a wife until death #when i daydream about relationships i'm always married to the women and only dating the men #god i wish i were just a straight trans man then i could just be a regular ass man who was born in the wrong body #i transition and i get a job at the office bs factory and marry a woman and adopt 2.5 kids. i know i still wouldn't be normal but i wish #i always imagine i'll be in a happy regular marriage and any past relationships with men was just me 'experimenting' #i know that's bs. i know i like men just as much as women but i wish that it's going to change. i know it won't. but i wish #idk why i think about this so much i literally play overwatch and collect criterions i can't get dick or pussy to save my life #i had an interaction with my mom most akin to the 'damn nobody want you fr fr' meme the other day #i get so few bitches my mom can't even be homophobic anymore she just needs me to fuck already because i'm an embarrassment #peter.txt

[imwritesometimes]

maybe I just don't actually want to write fic anymore.................

#i write sometimes #liiiiiiike 🙃🙃🙃 #I wrote 3 short dialogue sentences and closed my laptop #and I can't make myself open it back up #my brain is just like meh #and idk man I'm really starting to think it's just not gonna happen anymore #I mean. this is the first time I've even gotten an inkling of an idea for something in MONTHS and it feels like I'm FORCING myself #to try and work on it #and it's like.... I feel like I don't want to do ANYTHING anymore. I got sick of sıms again. don't wanna work on fic #I just wanna fckn sleep. sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep forever and ever and ever and ever #and I've been this way my whole life I know what's coming I can feel it in my bones I know the Horrors are coming #the bone deep inescapable Mental Horrors #and I also know the only way to even KINDA not go thru that is to force myself to do ANYTHING but... I just wanna be a lump. #but then I think abt NOT writing or seeing this thru and I'm like 😟 #and I'm also just WAY too in my own head like oh a chapter can't be this long this is too much set up but can't get to meat & taters yet #like I just wanna scream

[bl00dw1tch]

It is so fucking funny how someone telling me to do something is the fastest and easiest way to get me to want to Actively grind my life back to halt instead.

#horse.txt #vent // #its dumb. im being dumb let me be clear. this is about getting a fucking job. writing my resume. my mom told me i need to #'start getting serious' about it #and i do. i do. #im just. ghhhh i feel like im going to fucking explode. its so easy its so easy everybody has to do it i dont get to be fucking special #but knowing that never fucking Means anything i can know that like its tattooed to my eyelids and it doesn't change the fact that #i have no idea what the fuck to do #i have lists and lists and lists of advice and tips and help and links and i appreciate them bc at least now i have a foundation to jump off #but i still can't fucking get through them #i cant figure it out. its right there but the second i start to try i run into some roadblock and i start freaking the fuck out #and then i cant fucking go back to it bc by then ive spent an hour crying and im too tired to do anything but sit and cry some more #i hate the fucking options here. i hate the options everywhete. i dont want to fucking work dude im just. im not fucking there #but theres no other fucking option and people get so fucking mean when you try to say that bc im just being fucking lazy lazy lazy #i dont know. if i am im not sure i care that much anymore #im just tired of feeling so fucking miserable and useless but it's hard to ignore because i just amm!!!!! #the only thing i can do better than some people is draw and the idea of doing That for a job makes me feel sick to my stomach #man. i dont know. idk #sometimes i just have to catastrophize things to get it out of my system . iygiygi #ill be fine #just might be a tense Christmas apparently.

[m0e-ru]

#kommento #soujiventures #// <- guy who is so sick of their own art they just stop making things for weeks so they don't go insane over seeing the same thing #// over and over again #// guy who is on that dip in their art journey and can't take anything they make and see it all as tasteless and repetitive #// I can change my brush and use a different color and try and change my art style it just doesn't work man #// EVEN MY WRITING. you're joking right. I can't enjoy words anymore. #// if this keeps up I won't be able to eat my own food lol #// still love the thoughts in my head but if I keep getting dissatisfied w everything coming out of my head I dont think im going anywhere #// the only solution is for you to jack straight into my head and eat my thoughts maybe then my skull won't feel like it's going to burst #// what's the closure on this one. idk I love you guys goodnight to me

[uwulouis]

.

#girlies we can't keep doing this ndsjfkdslf #like there can't be long ass posts on my dash #every single time there's a stunt or a stunt mention #being like omg what is the point anymore this sucks everything is awful #LIKE the weekly posts on here being like #one more stunt and i will NOT spend every second of my life on tumblr blogging about this man ANY LONGET #longer* #like ndjfndj the THREATS #like if u get so upset 10000% i agree u should stop #bc clearly this is the way it is #but like why do u have to like go out w a bang and like make a long post about how everything is awful and will be awful forever #like girl text a friend fr djfndjk #idk like do u see how we contribute to the negativity #we knew he would be there cmon #and ofc it's upsetting but like #threatening to leave the fandom every single time #AND THEN NOT EVEN DOING IT JDSKNFJK #like girl pls by all means walk away i think it's healthy in fact when i wasn't enjoying it that's what i did #i didn't quite feel the need to announce it 28 times before but #just like pls let the rest enjoy like #as much as it's obviously fine if some of u don't want to watch it anymore #like is it not fine that im having a good time regardless?? #obviously the stunts suck and i hate them so bad especially bbg #but like. i just try to focus on the good bc like what am i gonna do??? #and it sucks that everyone is so smad all the time like clearly if u don't like it u can leave #but why is that all u choose to put out there u knw #anyways sorry 4 the rant #im just an optimist i guess dfjsnkj nd im excited for the doc sorry ! #shut up laura

[timelord-of-the-moon]

......

#okay people who have read my posts about this situation- #i need opinion #so that actor im working with that i have a thing for is consuming my thoughts more and more #and anyways we close the show in a week #the plan- i text him right as the last performance ends and say before you leave i need to talk to you about soemthing personal #and then when all the work for the day is over i pull him aside just away from everyone #and i just tell him i have feelings for him and would like to go out sometjme #and then just leave it up to him #i think even if he does reject me or isnt single i still want the experience of asking someone out and i want him to know that i like him #see i found out this is his first play and i realy can't believe it becuase he put in so much work and effort #he came in with all his lines memorized first day of rehearsal #ive never seen that before #anyways my main concern is making him feel uncomfortable #but he has thrown little hints that hes interested in me? like saying we should get drinks sometime & a few little -could be- flirty things #but honestly just telling him i have feelings for him isnt that extreme so idk why im even thinking it would make him uncomfortable #anyways im stage manager so like telling him while were doing the show would be a little bad power dynamic wise #and maybe i should even wait till a day or so after the show but hey once the show is done im not his stage manager anymore #we are just both college students in the same department #man... life is so fucking weird #anyways yeah point is- im wondering if its a good idea to tell him i like him

[burnhamandtilly]

genuinely thinking about quitting being a graphic designer altogether because I really don't know if I can stand this job anymore. two years of this and I'm exhausted. what the fuck am I even gonna do with my life if I quit that tho.. why is living so exhausting, I I wish I could quit this shit too

#man I've been so tired lately #maybe it's just burnout? idk #i need to go to therapy fr #because i really can't stand living like this anymore #still thinking about that post of someone asking if everyone else had that feeling they were just decaying and YEAH. I feel like that. #anny.txt

[aloyssobek]

The school holidays always make me a little weird.....anyway my brain won't shut tf up about identity things again and maybe I just need to id as queer idfk at this point

#personal #dnt rblg #it's 2 am but idk anymore man #maybe i just need to try and go to more queer things in Melbourne #and reconnect with ppl #bc like once again i am surrounded just by single ppl or straight cis ppl #idk like i feel connected to other sapphics #but maybe i need to make out with a guy just to ya know be sure #but i still don't know if i even want to date a guy if I'm a girl #and i feel like i can't be loose with labels bc my brain fucking short circuits if i am #but also lesbian has felt like it fits and when i see images of historical lesbians I'm like yeah!! #idfk man #maybe it's also been like 2 years since i last went on a date #and like....5 years since I've had sex let alone kissed somebody #I've had crushes but rn i feel so...... disconnected from that part of me #but also dating apps fucking suck and i don't have the energy for them #so it's a little self inflicted #idk i just need someone to lay their entire body on top of mine for a while #edit: saying anything about this outloud feels like it would be too real and my brain doesn't want to deal with that rn

[traitorsinsalem]

goodness gracious mama mia

#succ speaks #fuck the bts team for not showing them divorce court btw. #i never thought i would see such a disappointing mianite-related stream. and i watched all of isles! [old man laugh track] #somehow this was the greatest video game event i have ever taken part in thanks to the awesome community (including the one ending in mc) #but this stream sucked absolute donkey dick. glad we can get back on the server and this wasn't the end of it. #not the streamers' fault though i think. the event was just nothing like promised. i'll be honest i was an isles apologist until now. #something something they worked so hard to make it happen and keep it running why the unnecessary hate....i can't lie to myself anymore man. #a lot of us thought the stream was going to be more lighthearted and not hardass objective build judge w/ half the plots taken out for time #like sure the prize was a good amount of money but tom and jordan were clearly trying to have fun but felt like they couldn't that much. idk #the absolutely brilliant times we had building and having fun and talking and helping each other on the server felt like they were erased... #...from this stream. EVEN THE END was super watered down and dec definitely did his best to give them the background of it all. #idk. madspy and dec were super cool i feel like some other factors and/or people behind this caused it to flop with the community. #the mods can only do so much 'your build was amazing and unique you should be proud of it' or whatever without showcasing the things... #...we were all talking and laughing and excited about while on the server. it feels like this wasn't an event that was meant to leave... #a certain circle. this is just my view but personally i would have enjoyed this way more if there WASN'T a streamed judging. #or that the judging was a couple of days long so they didn't have to rush through it and everyone could be seen. #i think the mods should take our gripes into consideration rather than trying to cheer us up or act like it's our problem. #but hey. [old man laugh track] thaaaaat's our good ol' mianite! #the event itself though was incredible and i'm really happy it happened. like the actual building part. i got a lot out of it and got to... #...meet so many people. we all had a lot of fun and put in a lot of time and work but it didn't feel like a burden to partake in it yk! #having dec and madspy and wh (i forget his name all the time) on a lot was really fun too! they were really kind and fun to be around... #...and we got to learn some cool little bits of bts info. finding out that dec was 16 when mianite started was INSANE especially. #and like i'm not just salty cuz my build wasn't featured. being able to make it in the first place was enough for me bc it was my first... #...serious build! and the other people on the server really enjoyed it and to me having the community appreciate it is so much more... #...heartwarming to me and makes me happier than if this would have been a 'private' thing and the streamers looked through every bit... #...and praised it. i loved being able to take part in this event but honestly i wish i wouldn't have watched the stream. it made me upset... #...to see so many INSANE builds and aspects of builds i got to watch people work on and help them with get mere crumbs of recognition. #i know tom in particular appreciates mianite fan content so splitting this up into multiple streams so they didn't get bored or tired or... #...have to rush would have been a pretty obvious solution. but again you can always count on the mianite bts team to make things... #...unnecessarily complicated or simple while ignoring the very clear best paths! [old man laugh track]