#making Eddie play not-metal-songs is funny but also animal abuse

[vankaar]

Eddie twirled on himself to face Steve, throwing his arms around in anger.

"You're telling me that I cannot use my metal songs because you thought that the undead are pretty metal and that filtered in this shared reality and made them impervious to my fucking music??”

Steve shrugs a shoulder a little bashfully, not an easy feat while wearing full plate armor. It's not his fault Eddie pulled him into his weird fantasy mindscape. Steve likes to find the sunny side so he's kinda happy he's not strolling around half-naked anymore. The fur panties hitched like a bitch and he's really glad they were gone.

Eddie stomps around letting out frustration “Shit! Undead that are resistant to heavy metal.. Shit.”

Ok. Steve was man enough to admit that Eddie making him strong enough to bash in Vecna's face by playing that fast Dio's song was impressive.

But he's such a drama queen!

It wouldn't kill him to use something that's not metal, if that means getting out of this with all their organs still where they belong.

“Maybe you could..”

“No, nope! nonono don't say it! I know what you're gonna say, but just–don't. Don't say it.” He groaned with a hand on his face, eyes screwed shut.

Steve shook his head. Dramatic bitch.

The horde of undead was getting near, their moans and the crack of their rotten bones sickening in the silence of the night.

Steve sighed again unsheathed his morning star and started hitting the first undead in range with methodical efficiency.

Swing. Crunch. Rinse and repeat.

“umh.. Eddie? When you're ready– you know, some help would be nice,” he called out while bashing in a skeleton skull.

Eddie let out some more profanities and with a last scream of anger took up his guitar with a grimace. He started playing the first bar of a song, his expression as if in pain.

Steve looked at him with a startled laugh, eyes wide. He knew that song!

“Not. A. Word.” Threatened Eddie with a snarl.

As usual the rithmics, choirs, and all the parts of the song that Eddie wasn't performing got taken up by some local fauna, that seemed to pop out of thin air, with their tiny music instruments perfectly in tune.

It would look like Eddie were in a goddamn Disney movie if it weren't for the drums line being played by their enemies remains, using a couple of femoris as drumsticks.

That would count as metal, right?

Eddie started to sing.

“Sittin' here eatin' my heart out waitin'

Waitin' for some lover to call,

Dialed about a thousand numbers lately

Almost rang the phone off the wall”

Eddie was giving all of himself to the performance, like the pro he was, even if it wasn't his kind of music. Steve loved him a little more as he observed him shimmying his hips to the rhythm, hair swishing around.

It was stifling under the fucking armor.

“Lookin' for some hot stuff, baby, this evenin'

I need some hot stuff, baby, tonight

I want some hot stuff, baby, this evenin'”

The air in front of the undead started to shimmer and warble like the heat haze causing mirages, rising up from the asphalt in the hottest days of summer.

“Gotta have some hot stuff, gotta have some love tonight”

The scene was so surreal that Steve almost got beheaded by a skeleton as the choir made by three rabbit, a badger and a fox sang “Hot stuff” doing the silliest little dance.

He was a little bummed he couldn't give all his attention to his bard only because there were sword-brandishing zombies trying to cut off his limbs.

A pity, truly.

“I need hot stuff

I want some hot stuff

I need hot stuff”

With a thrust of his hips Eddie sent a small magic ball of fire from his guitar. The rippling air around them got lit with a deafening whoosh.

Flames roared high, licking the top of a nearby group of trees. One of his strings started glowing red, a clear indicator of an active spell.

“Wuoah! warn a man, would ya?” yelled Steve shielding his face from the scorching heat. If his eyebrows got singed they were going to have words.

A circular wall of fire sat between them and the horde of undead now. A half dozen of them didn't stop in time and walked right in, exploding in a pouf of sparks and ash. The others took some steps back from the heat and stayed there, looking at them with dead eyes. Swaying slowly. Waiting

“That's a cool trick," stated Steve with a smile while pointing at the barrier with his chin. "..but when the pyrotechnics are gonna fade we're still screwed.”

He felt a little guilty pointing out the obvious, Eddie was doing his best.

“Damn, I was hoping they would be more stupid,” said Eddie, drying some sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of his blouse.

“We need a way to make them walk into the fire,” thought Steve, out loud.

Eddie tapped his lip, a mischievous smile slowly spreading on his lips. Steve wanted to grab him and taste that smile so much.

“How do ya feel about being a honeypot, big boy?” winked the metalhead twirling on himself to stop in playing position in front of Steve. Very close.

“Huh?” replied Steve unintelligently. His brain got this bug and it blue screened every time Eddie got so close he could smell him.

Eddie started directly from the chorus this time.

“If you want my body and you think I'm sexy

Come on sugar, let me know, ooh

If you really need me, just reach out and touch me

Come on, honey, tell me so, ooh”

He sang circling the other as he played and making the most over the top, silly, sexy faces.

A pink wave of glittery magic followed in his wake, surrounding Steve. The horde started to make sounds and swayed in Steve’s direction as one organism, getting near the thundering flames.

“He's actin' shy, lookin' for an answer

Come on, honey, let's spend the night together”

Eddie sang wiggling his eyebrow suggestively at Steve who answered with his bitchiest eye roll but was secretly impressed: Two of the guitar chords were glowing now, Eddie was keeping up two spells simultaneously. Not bad for someone that learned how that shit worked just that morning.

As the song continues the undead start to walk into the fire, going up in a popping series of blazers, sounding like popcorn and going out like insects fried in those bug zapper people use during summer’s nights.

Steve was glowing pink instead of violet like those lights but the concept was disturbingly similar.

When the last of the undead was gone, Eddie let out a deep exhale, his guitar stopped glowing, and everything went suddenly darker because the flames went out in a zap of red magic.

Eddie fell on his knees, propped up on his guitar, hair falling into his face. He was clearly exhausted.

Steve knelt beside him putting a hand on his shoulder

“You ok?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, yeah, give me a second. That was intense,” breathed out Eddie.

“Ok”

Steve pulled the other's bangs out of his eyes, tucking the longer strands behind Eddie's ear.

Big round eyes were looking at him with the expression of a deer caught in the headlights and Steve couldn't help himself.

“So… hot stuff, do ya think I’m sexy?” he said using an exaggeration of his most suave King Steve voice.

Eddie’s eyes narrowed and he slapped him repeatedly on the arm in a fashion eerily similar to Robin when Steve was being annoying on purpose.

Steve chuckled.

“You!!! You're on thin ice man– fucking thin ice!- he yelled, his pointer finger up menacingly like an angry teacher.

Steve saw Eddie fight the smile tugging at his lips and counted that as a win.

One day he's going to be braver and kiss this silly brilliant man.

#something silly #I wrote this some time ago #Eddie is the master of his brain so took control of the vision from Vecna and used it to kill him #he conjured up Steve as thank(he thought him to be a figment of his immmagination at first) #fic #my fic post #steddie #steve x eddie #fantasy au of sorts #drabble #silly #there's singing animals.. #making Eddie play not-metal-songs is funny but also animal abuse #poor baby #lmao