#lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

i dont love never grow up like i love a favorite song. i love it because it haunts me like a ghost. its a curse on my house. its a song that hits too close to home that i always skip it. i wish it never existed but i'm so glad that it does. it doesn't give me any sense of joy, just sadness and longing and understanding. every single time i listen to it i feel my heart tear open like its for all the world to see because i just sob and sob. i hate it. i love it. its my favorite song

#taylor if you're seeing this i love you for writing this song #taylor swift #never grow up #lynnea rants

[locklylemybeloved]

honestly i love having famous moots

cause its like, im chilling over here in my tiny corner like not at all well known but all of my fav mutuals are like celebrities in their respective fandoms

idk i just think its funny to watch them suffer with their 10k notes :))

#and yes this is mainly targeted at bella melone and lynnea but there are actually quite a lot of you #i might go through and tag all of u later if i feel like it #actually who am i kidding im too lazy for that #mae-rants #mutuals <3

[twonewkidsonesouthpark]

Chapter 2: The Elven Kingdom

Lynn was starting to regret her decision as she walked in the middle of the group of… rather annoyed ‘elves’ down the street. One of them had attempted to tie her hands which -- no. Wasn’t happening. It was bad enough she was going somewhere with half a dozen group of kids she didn’t know, she wasn’t letting them tie her hands up while she was at it.

Honestly if they’d dealt with Lyssie earlier she wasn’t sure WHAT they expected as a reaction to that BUT a black eye. My knuckles hurt… I need to leave the punching to Lyssie, she thinks absently as the now half-blind elf glared at her.

They led her down the street, past the house next door, and the one next to that, and the one next to that… it was obvious when they reached the place. Besides it being the last one on the end of the road -- no, wait, it looked like there were more further down, past the train track? -- she could see a massive… platform? Wrapped around the tree in the back yard with flags flying off of it, and more kids in similar costumes up in it.

Ah, well, that explains the distinct feeling I’m getting of being watched.

Lynnea was herded into the house, through the living room and out the backdoor of the kitchen -- was every house here set up the same way? -- and into, as was proclaimed on the giant banner hanging overhead, the Elven Kingdom. She was so distracted by the almost impressive amount of detail put into the backyard ‘kingdom,’ that it took her a moment to realize that she was still being pushed forward, stopping in front of a platform near the back fence.

Three boys her age were on top of it -- two standing on either side of a deck-chair turned throne, and one sitting in it, “So,” the kid-presumed-king started, “YOU’RE the new kid everyone is talking about.”

Not quite, but we’ll go with that. Lynnea shrugged a little.

Ooooh he didn’t like that, “What’s your name?”

~&~&~&~&~&~

There was a loooooong moment of silence before one of the elves Kyle had sent to bring the New Kid to him finally spoke up, “He doesn’t talk, elf king. He thinks he’s hot shit or something.”

Kyle glanced over at Stan, who shrugged helplessly. Not like HE could make the kid talk if he didn’t want to… Kyle exhaled, standing up from the throne and walking to the edge of the platform it was built on, looking down at the kid, “You’re playing for the wrong side dude!” He folded his hands behind his back, starting to pace back and forth, “What did Wizard Fatass tell you? That the humans are all goodness and justice? He’s the most corrupt, evil asshole here! Ever since he took the stick he’s made everyone’s lives hell unless you’re paying HIM to let you be in HIS army!”

Stan was watching the new kid closely as Kyle launched into a speech that was about 40% trying to reason with this guy, and 60% lambasting Cartman. This could easily be a trick that the humans had set up -- he wouldn’t put it past the fatass -- but… the new kid just looked confused.

Something wasn’t adding up here, Stan realized. All their information said that the New Kid had run into Butters a couple hours earlier, when the elves had caught him staking out the newly bought house at the end of the block. By all accounts, when the elves had raided Koopa Keep, the New Kid had been there, already sworn into Cartman’s army and helping defend the place.

But this kid wasn’t armored up, they didn’t have a weapon, and they’d come peacefully when asked. Well. Relatively peacefully, he amended, seeing the black eye that one of the Enforcers was nursing. And while they were definitely listening to Kyle, they didn’t seem to actually be comprehending anything he was saying. Almost like…

“Your Majesty,” Stan tried to interrupt. Kyle kept on, having worked himself up into a rant about Cartman now, “Elf King?”

Nnnnope.

“Kyle!” Stan finally shouted, breaking character.

Kyle startled, looking over at him, “Dude, what?!” Stan pointed at the new kid who looked -- confused.

Hella confused.

Kyle frowned, then his eyes widened in realization, “You… have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” He asked.

The new kid shook his head, and a huge grin broke out across Kyle’s face, “Ha! Yes, I knew that cheating fucking fatass was lying!”

“But my king, the messenger ravens --” Chris started to protest.

“Cartman’s a fucking master of manipulation, he’s probably got Butters or Scott or someone dressed up and going around pretending ot be the new kid,” Kyle said, coming down off his dais to be on level with the guy, “Okay, look. Cartman’s a cheating bastard and a racist asshole. He’s the one who sent Butters down to your house to scope out when you came outside so he could snatch you up first. I mean, he’s called his army the KKK.”

The new kid’s eyebrows went up practically to their hairline, “Yeah, I know. Look, we REALLY need to keep the Stick of Truth away from the humans so Zaron can go back to not sucking for everyone not in Kupa Keep. Think you can help us out?”

At this rate, Kyle might not even need to threaten to tell everyone that the New Kid was a butthole.

The new kid tilted their head contemplatively, and made a gesture with their hand -- it took Kyle a moment to parse it as a ‘go on,’ “Wha -- oh, right, you probably want an actual explanation, don’t you?” He asked. Years of being friends with Kenny had given him at least SOME knowledge of how to read body cues, “You… really don’t talk at all, huh?”

The New Kid shook his head, miming a zipper over his lips. Right. So either couldn’t talk, or was REALLY dedicated to the whole mute thing.

Well, Kenny was wearing a dress, this was not the weirdest thing to happen this week.

“Alright. Lemme start from the beginning then,” Kyle said, hopping up to sit on the edge of the platform, “Deep in the forests of Zaron, the Drow Elves of Larnion have been at war with the humans of Kupa Keep for as long as anyone can remember…”

#Twin AU #double trouble

[sleepless-crows]

its so surreal to me that there are people who are just like me out there but live completely different lives. and its so easy to compare ourselves with other people, making ourselves superior or inferior, when not everything is black and white. i would see a celebrity my age and want to live their life because on surface level it looks so shiny but turns out they had so much pressure and had to mature early to succeed. i will see someone who is less fortunate compared to me with materialistic things and also see that they have the purest, kindest, and most grateful heart that i struggle to have. i don't know how i was decided that i would live this life, i don't know the extent of influence of my actions and decisions, but it kind of reminds me that we're all human. our lives will be different, but we will always be humans. and instead of comparing ourselves with others, it's best to learn from them instead

#it just fascinates me how every single life is different. even my siblings who have the same family as me. even my friends who are my age. #we cant experience everything. we cant be everything. we really just live once and when we compare ourselves to others #we should do it in a way that we are inspired by their goodness. inspired by their determination. inspired by their joy. and emulate that #and of course helping each other but thats a given #anyway i had thoughts and its almost 3 am and i apparently have to be up and ready at 6 so good night <3 #lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

happy short story earlier. i was working on a group work with people i'm not close with and don't talk to a lot. and once we finished the group work, we all kind of stayed at the same place. and i was just standing there debating whether i should study since it was study period. then one of them says "look its my dog". and i thought she was showing her phone to her friend who was also part of our group, then she said it again and i looked up and she was saying it to me. then i said "that's your dog?" she said "yeah its her birthday today." and i saw that the picture showed two boxes of pizza and a small dog with a party hat on. she then says that her dog was turning 6 or 7 and was just talking about her dog and all i could say was "awwwww" because i was so stunned that this person who isn't close to me at all was showing me a picture of her dog and telling me its her dog's birthday today. i guess i was just never used to people interacting with me in that way when it wasn't necessary. and i felt really really happy and i don't know if she knows but she seems like a really really kind person and i want to thank her for being in this world

#a happy rant for once #idk i felt really touched by it #lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

i could never really find friends in real life who get me. i always find myself making the effort and actually getting them, but i feel like no one really does the same for me. and i love my friends but we share no interests whatsoever, i just adjust the parts of my personality to show to fit theirs. i've never had a friend because we shared interests, its always just because i pick the good people so it wouldn't matter if we shared anything in common. because the people who share my "interests" i really do not want to be friends with. the swifties i know are, well, clock app people. the readers i know read c****** h*****. like we share the interests but not at all. and i'm really glad for the friends i have, they're the kindest people i've ever met and they inspire me to be better to get on their level. but they barely know me. i guess part of the reason for that is because not even my parents know me. my brothers are probably the closest to knowing me. if you asked my parents or a relative what my interests were, they'd say i love reading and they still probably assume i read middle grade books everyday lol. like my whole personality isn't centered around six of crows. but because of all that, the thing is, i'm really grateful to have my tumblr and to have found everyone here. because it reminds me that there are people who get me, who i can be my almost unfiltered self with. i just won't get to meet them in real life. tumblr has really helped me find that thing that i'm missing and i'm really really really thankful for it, and for all of you for getting me <3

#lynnea rants #the fact that i hide my personality so well could turn around on me like the people that are like me probably do the same thing akshskdhdk

[sleepless-crows]

just thinking about how that one time when i was like nine or ten when my dad recorded me singing in the shower without my consent and not deleting that audio file and it wasnt that i thought i had a bad voice its just that they didnt care how i didnt like that and it felt like blackmail to child me who cared way too much about people hearing it for some reason and now i cant sing around them or even show my true self to them anymore and ive lived trying to prevent myself from getting into that type of situation again and now no one knows me and even i dont know who i am and what i want anymore because i just live in fear of people perceiving me <3

#how to word this i dont know #but i hate that i care what other people think so much and i couldnt just be. i cant just be #lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

i really believe that anyone can do anything. its just that we get better at the things we spend effort doing. and you'll only progress if you believe in yourself. like i believe i could draw if i spent hours learning how to. i believe i could play the piano really well if i actually practiced. i believe i can be a good dancer as long as i actually dance instead of just cringing at myself. i believe i can learn sleight of hand if i practice playing with cards every day. like it may be cliche and cheesy but my life motto really is you only live once. and i want to spend my life being able to do as many things as i can, acquire all the skills that i can, and live my life fully

#i think this mindset of mine was because of how i always managed to get good grades in tests lol #i always tell others to get a good grade you have to believe you can get it. believing in yourself will take you far #okay maybe i have a slightly big ego. but i believed i could ace this math contest so i prepared hard for it and i got an award #i believed that i could do well my first golf camp tournament and i won #and even if you dont excel right away its just beacuse youre somewhere maybe halfway toward your goal. but you really can do anything #maybe im just a teenager but for some reason i still firmly believe i can do anything and i hope that that doesnt disappear as i get older #so im going to try really hard to prove to myself that im right #lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

no because i have cousins halfway across the world right now. a few years ago i've never actually met some of them since they were born there, they stayed here for like 2 months and had to go back. i wasn't even as close to them as my brothers were, but i was the one who cried. i'm the most sentimental, emotional person i know. and now my other cousin, my best friend, who i spent almost every waking hour of almost every single day with when we were kids, who was my best friend, has to go halfway across the world in a few months. throughout my life, she has always been the constant. i made friends and i lost friends but even when i grew and changed and she grew and changed, she still treats me like how close we were when we were little kids. we'd play with dolls together. we'd eat scrambled egg with syrup together. we always wore matching dresses every christmas. we would argue over the stupidest things. we would sing together. we would choreograph dances together and never actually perform them. we went to golf camp together. we did so many things and even if we aren't that close compared to before, she was probably the closest friend i ever had. and she's leaving. what am i supposed to do with that

#lynnea rants #im actually a puddle of tears right now #its her birthday today and i feel like im pushing her away so it would hurt less if i act like i dont care #im regretting not making more memorable memories with her today #i just dont know what to do #and the day is over #and i feel so ill #i hate migration and i hate the world #sorry for so much sadness on your dash i just. i cant deal with this at all. i dont know how ill cope

[sleepless-crows]

we're 10 months apart and we don't have sisters. ive known her ever since i was born. and ive spent almost every day with her from 2-10 years old in our grandmother's house where she used to live and my parents dropped me off because they were at work. we went to the same kindergarten. we went to the same school elementary and high school. we were busmates. we did so many things together when we were kids. we wore matching dresses our grandmother bought us every christmas. we played teacher and doctor and fashion show and concert and airplane and school and everything we could do. we danced together to blackpink in her room. we took swimming lessons together. and now i don't know when i'll ever see her again. her house is so dark and vacant now. and i just

#lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

i feel like my cousin has been such a huge part of my childhood, we spent every day together when we were children in our grandmother's house where she used to live then and my parents used to drop me by because they had to go to work. and now she's leaving this month and i would be able to count the number of times i see her for the rest of my life after she does because it can't even be once a year and it feels like the scene in a movie where the character leaves their childhood and i am not ready for that and i don't want that and i thought i already had that moment way long ago but she's the biggest part of my childhood and i feel like i'm losing a whole part of me

#i hate growing up #i even had a dream earlier we were sitting on the floor of our grandmas house in front of the tv and she stands up and says she has to go #and i think we were children in my dream and i told her 'ok but youre coming back ok?' like i was making her promise to come back #ok i vented time to sleep #lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

i dont have a sister. i only have my cousin who is less than a year older than me. and we always went to the same school ever since kindergarten. and we spent every day until i was 10 practically living in the same house. and she's leaving in like 2 days or weeks and i literally hate myself for not knowing because i don't want to count the days until she leaves to live to a country like 13 hours away and i literally sobbed when my other family who also migrated stayed with us for two months then went back that i couldnt function enough to go to school and i wasn't even that close with them what am i going to do

#lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

i didnt have a lot of friends growing up and people would always point that out. and inside i guess i really didnt like not having friends, i mean whos fine with that. so i acted independent and blamed it on being an "introvert" and told myself i didnt need friends. so when the pandemic hit and quarantine happened i was used to being alone. but when things started to get better and i could go outside and talk to people i realized how awful being alone all that time was. i read books to comfort me. i told myself i didnt need friends during that time because i had fictional and not at all real people who made me feel better. but honestly right now i feel so angry that i had to be alone, like so many experiences and friendships were taken from me. because my parents told me that was the age you made friends that you will keep for the rest of your life. i didnt have any to keep, and i didnt have the chance to make. and now i hate calling myself introverted, theres so much more complexity to it and i wont use it as an excuse to hide my loneliness from others anymore. i dont want to hide the fact that i feel so lonely. because thats what made me stay lonely all these years. things are definitely way better now but its still so hard. i just really really want friendships and connections. i just want people to understand me and me to them. i just want to have people that i can freely be my unfiltered self with. but its still just so hard

#lynnea rants #hehe ok maybe time to rest it off

[sleepless-crows]

this feels like the hardest pain i've ever felt. and i don't even want to write anything pretty and poetic about it because this situation is just ugly and real and i hate every single part of it. i don't want to romanticize it. i don't want to say this pain brought me art. its just so fucking ugly

#lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

what am i supposed to do when my mom tells me that my aunt told her that my cousin cries every night so she now sleeps in her parents' room? what am i supposed to do, tell my cousin i break down in the shower and cry myself sick on my bed because i don't want her to leave either? her whole life will be uprooted and only she will be uprooted from me. i should be there to comfort her and talk to her. she's three houses down and i can't. we spent the night laughing yesterday and i tried to savor every moment because nobody wants to leave, not this month, not ever. yet 8 days has gone by in the month and sooner or later they will

#BYE ILL GO TAKE A SHOWER AND CRY THERE <3 #lynnea rants

[sleepless-crows]

sometimes i find myself feeling negatively towards a person either because i recognize something i dislike about myself in them, i see something i want to have in them that i don't have, or i see something in them that i hate that i used to be too. and i can't really blame them because everyone has flaws and they all just reflect all of mine

#aka my three closest friends #i love them. but we're all flawed. and things irk me a bit sometimes that i wish did not. but thats life #lynnea rants