July 2022
7.2.22
+ What i thought was going to be a stressful and ratchet and anticlimactic day, turned out to be such a fun, relaxing, and picture-esque day.
UGH SUCH A FXKING FUN DAY - LET THIS BE A REMINDER THAT IT IS **ALWAYS** WORTH PLANNING FOR WHAT YOU WANT - EVEN IF ITS NOT 100% OF THE EXPECTATION YOU HAD
WHAT YOU GAIN WILL ALWAYS BE MORE THAN IF YOU HADNT
+ We love Capt Larry
+ THE WAVES AND THE SUN AND EVERYTHING WAS SO PERFECT. we literally got everything we wanted out of today and THAT WAS — to look good, feel good, get some damn good pictures and a have a good time
+ Suddenly i love living in FL!!!!!!!
+ i initially felt guilty about spending all the $$$ that i did prior, but now i’m like - BTCH it was worth it in the end! i had a good azz time and your bday season SHOULD be an exception to all of the rules you apply yourself to year-around. for once, ITS ALL ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT AND HAVING THE CHANCE TO FEEL HOW YOU WANNA FEEL-! - which is fun & free !!!!!!!!!!!!!
+ shoutout to the $12 shirt from H&M - we love fast fashion , sorry Arotn
+ “I found another one” - kuya high with underwater ricks
+ Australian-Pinoy: “Why did your car go off?” - “Hindi Car Alarm”
7.6.22
5:30-8:00pm at Barnes Noble
spent a little over 2 hours going over and studying my LSAT Writing notes. The goal is to take it this Saturday at Longlee’s apartment, while they’re away. I figured that the more i let this drag in, the more i will not focus on my personal statement. and bitch next month is august, which means september is already around the corner!
i’m proud of how much i’m getting back into it and how i’m absorbing everything, considering the time constraints. it’s like… i feel like i’m def capable of writing a good, solid essa6y. but i given how my practice went yesterday, i just feel like my skill level is… a little too unpredictable rn. Lol. Like i feel like i could do really well… or really not. Positive though? is that i’ve done this before, and most importantly, NALA was just like this. so I def have an inkling or two of how to do this. not only the How, but also how to operate best.
i know it’s my tendency to put all this weight and pressure one thing in order to do well, but honestly. i have to learn how to operate under pressure. like — im thinking, if i got to law school, am i goingto let every single exam traumatize me? am i going to need the perfect conditions, and a near death experience everytime i have an exam, just to pass? i would hope not. so … while it’s good that i’m focused and assessing my capabilities i also want ti practice being confident and allowing my skills to show for the time i’ve put into practices. I want to show MYSELF that i’ve improved!
i have to stop scaring myself into doing well.. as we all know, pressure never bodes well for me,and i want to stop letting anxiety be my leader and my teacher
cramming works for me; and that’s ok
i feel like lately i’m in a season where .. i’ve stopped demonizing how i function and instead flow with what i need and how i need it. i’ve learned to really listen to my body this year and to not guilt trip myself for how i need things. it’s actually turned out great for me, and i end up being really productive and satisfied whenever i listen to my body and follow what i want do. it leaves me really full when it comes to logging out of that world & getting back into other parts of my life - like family and friends and other errands
Wanda Pop from Calvin
7.7.22
2018 was forreal my best LIFE hunny
Gap Year Parties, Ireland, GA Trip, SFC Conference, NOLA, EDC — HONEY SHE WAS BOOKED in 2018.
maybe i enjoyed it so much that i forgot all about it lol
OR THE POST-TRAUMA FROM 2019/2020 RUINED AND REBOOTED ME IDC
+ LSAT Writing Affirmation: make do with what ya got
Sometimes the prompt won’t give you what you were expecting for or prepared for, so make something out of what you got. use what you have to make your perspective. (like your application!) lol
7.12.22
“stop minimizing your experience.”
i guess i just feel that i have to reiterate bc i know everyone has problems and that im not special and that everyone has something going on
“yeah but You don’t have to be special to have pain.”
7.18.22
I got one! :D
the way my ego has grown to new heights LOL
the way i have also had the yuck and the ick from people who hav e swiped on me LOL
it’s fun to live in the “what if”
it’s fun to live in the “what could”
It is fun to live in the fantasy
but i also know that eventually i’ll have to pull back and come back to a more safe and measured reality
i’m just tired of being good. being restrained. and having to carry that weight in the silence ya know?
it’s just nice to live in the excitement and adrenaline a little, ya know?
(nvm that that’s the kind of mentality that i had w Sfn)
7.23.22
+ Fun day with the fam; laughing and making everything into a beautiful and funny moment
+ that DOSEs of good feelings and hype?? messages from matches, S comment on story, texts from C
+ Cute filipino family; saw the LOML
+ Gas Ups: the person staring at me at lockers
+ “I wanna go on THAT ride” - dude while i troll hula’d
and once i realized that… “huh. maybe i don’t have to do that. maybe I don’t have to force myself into an image of perfection that was born from a life and a routine that isn’t mine anymore”
+ I deserve that. i deserve to live a life that is exciting and new & worthy of improvement.
+ Newfound confidence in who I am and what i should be allowed to do - like everyone else
+ Despite everything, i still believe in a God that loves and exists in the Catholic “way” - but is that image of God is solely and uniquely Catholic?
It’s no surprise that i view love. I was taught that to really love means to really suffer.
+ Anger is a vehicle; not the destination. It should never be our intention to express “I’m angry” and stop at that. It should always be “i want to solve it this way so that i or we don’t have to arrive at anger to get to the end of it”
+ “Dojt upset me when i’m upset” - Ninag & Caden in a nutshell
Monster: “I’ve crossed the Line. And i’ll let God decide”
7.27.22
my tan
my arms kinda look good???? i literally don’t know how or why but . i’ll take it lol
“i deserve to be someone’s partner” - as i look in the mirror and work out and focus on me
7.29.22
+ Getting all my work done at work
+ Cleaning my room and changing my sheets (finally!)
+ I just wanna say - that i am the most awkward. or at least that’s the vibe i get whenever i talk to these dooz bc HUNNYYY . i am NOT getting the results i wannnt! lmfao
like i mean
It’s all good and handy and fun. but i’ve also realized that i’m quite addicted to that feeling - that jolt of excitement when i open Hge and i see that someone has matched with me and like. waiting on the anticipation of them (or me) saying hi.
like maaaaan. it’s literally such a pandora’s box LOL
and i KNOW this’ll get me hurt one way it the other. and i DO know that i need to keep a leveled head
i experienced my first ghostings this week and man. that didn’t feel as great. haha. i hate feeling frantic and unsure about how much or how less i should talk. and stressing over how to curate my message /‘s wondering if my energy is too much before they’ve even gotten to know me and idk.
i know it should be good news. bc the right person for me would be excited at and attracted to the vibe i give off (assuming i’m being authentic). but still. it’s like mourning the death of the idea of that person and what could have been (man, i’m just too attached to be casual dater LOL(
it just didn’t work out. i kinda
i didn’t realize that this was all so casual. but i mean i guess that’s really good that i learn that. $/$/
maybe it’s for the best. because. like even IF i got the result i wanted the most
i mean hey, denni got her dream of moving ti NY, and she’s apparently already moving back to FL soon.
like is it the experience of doing it that is what’s most important? or is it the longevity of it? is THAT the substance ?
i don’t know.
all my life i had followed fhe “avoid fleeting experiences and fleeting moments- and i died
and now that i see the plenty of other chaotic and downright shtty people get into happy and stable relationships im like
you can’t help but think to yourself - what about me?
where did
y’all got to act shtty and have your learning moments and me? ….. i just get… a thumbs up? a stamp of approval from Heaven?
i don’t know
7.30.22
Hinge is CANCELED
I cannot spend my life waiting on this stupid app for someone to be any grain of interesting or caring or mature or FUCKING WORTH IT
LIKE IM NOT DOING IT LMFAO
waiting on that app for excitement is literally an extension of waiting on life to begin, just placed elsewhere
i’m not doing it
LIFE HERE I COME
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April 2022
4.16.22
+ Midtown w Shawntel
even tho time passes and friendships change, i’m really glad shawntel is a person who shows up for me.
it feels really refreshing to have a friend who is so willing to talk about conflict and honesty and is really just there. sometimes i get self conscious bc (like with a lot of fiends) i feel like i am not as good of a friend to her as she is to me. but nonetheless, she is someone who makes time for me makes a space for us to always stay connected somehow (despite life’s crazy challenges) and i’m super thankful to her for that
Cadens 2nd bday coming up!!! aw
aww poor chris and danny LOL. i feel good about myself when i’m an honest and encouraging bro. it’s great in process but it’s even better in person. i like being that voice of reason and affirmation for everyone else. and i like helping people stay level-headed, hopeful, and humbled. also super glad to have my G and litto still hehe
“of course you’re invited. you’re JUDSY”
+ Mopping the white too by the pool
+ Helping caden get ready for bed
+ “G always lightening up the mood 🤣”
+ Lineage trolling
4.17.22
+ such a full and wholesome and light and memorable day. i love life!!
+ Church: “Receive Me. it is a gift”
+ Aff: Life is a challenge, it is a constant conditioning and opportunity to receive Christ and to want Him more. more THAN your pains and your own desires
+ Jesus wants me to soak in and laugh and enjoy every moment i can
+ making everyone laugh during my “gurl voice” sarah geronimo forever not enough cover
+ everyone laughing and having a good time karaoking
+ helping LongLee with the pics for baby announcement!
+ Getting Caden his Jurassic World Apatosaurus and Car Race Tower !!! A lot of people got him great clothes and even money! but i will say- i’m very proud of our gifts/toy selection
+ “It’s because Titos got money now!” - Dad after ate’s comment about “great” quality gift wrapping 😂😂
4.20.22
twas a surreal & bittersweet morning indeed! woke up at 5:15 (oops we was late)
losing my journals from the last 4 days is going to make me lose it. BUT - it’s also helped me come to the conclusion that: If things (such as a journal) is gone, then God somehow sees beauty and goodness from me not having it. i think if i REALLY REALLLLY ABSOLUTTELY needed it, He would have intervened. and so, and i will be at peace with that
Tita Daisy!!! 😭
Affirmation: “You deserve to know” - law school, crushes- you deserve to know. you deserve to discern, to reach out, and to get an answer . you are worth a no and a yes. give that to yourself and let yourself have it. allow yourself peace from receiving an answer.
Hot Topic: venting -do you need it & how do you prefer to process?
realization: i don’t emote in public bc i don’t wanna give people ammo LMFAOOO i just realized this. and it makes sense in every way - i don’t tell people my chismiss or secrets bc i don’t want them to have something on me. i don’t wanna be a topic in somebody else’s chica convo.
would love to work on my finances: download an app to help me - set aside $100 for savings each paycheck, $50 for personal investement, $50 for fun, $100 for family (food, etc) + standard expenses (apple, etc), + $50 gas
4.29.22
Kehlani being an artist that i’ll always rock with and support. even IF i’m not obsessed with every track. it speaks louder volumes that i am attracted to her and her heart and her journey more than her ability to provide “baddie energy” or bops. (though she CAN do that when she wants to)
i can tell her heart is someone that is genuine and pure and full of intent. i support her
all these artists - Kiana, Victoria, Normani
neither one is THEE One. they’re all important artists that contribute greatly to my story. and for that i honor them
maybe there shouldn’t be so much pressure to be ALL this and ALL that. maybe there’s freedom and allowing yourself to choose the projects you wanna do and doing them well. instead of feeling the pressure to excel at everything - even the things you aren’t called to do. maybe the temptation of behind a Beyonce isn’t realistic- and that that’s exactly why she is beyonce.
instead of duplicating one’s success- how about we find our own lane, where WE set the pace, the tone, and the groove.
and do it well.
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