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babblingblondegenius · 5 years

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Happy Mancrush Monday

Sorry I missed the last two Mondays, but I’m back with the final installment for season 2 of Mancrush Monday, Olicity Edition, featuring episodes 2x14 to 2x23. For those who don’t know, these posts are gifs of Oliver with captions that focus on fashion (if he’s wearing anything ;)) and the Olicity moments. All the thanks in the world to @xspeedytrashx for suggesting my silly posts be a series. :)

The banter and fun (and most of the shirtlessness) of the previous season 2 episodes came to an abrupt halt when the TPTB decided to slow their roll on Olicity. In order to do that, Olicity scenes were limited because the natural chemistry can’t be denied when they are in close proximity to each other.

A sparring session leads to everyone talking about the scars they have. We learn that out of all of Oliver’s scars, none were caused by a grenade and Felicity’s only scar came from having her wisdom teeth removed. Oliver is wearing pants in this scene, like we care lol.

Comfortably chic in his coat and jeans, Oliver’s panties got in a twist when he saw Felicity working out in stretchy, thus skintight, yoga pants and cute top.

Oliver comes across as brusque and borderline judgmental in this scene. But if you look closely, the arched eyebrow and the fact he literally couldn’t take his eyes off of her give away that the emotion coursing through him wasn’t anger. ;)

In the Arrow suit, hood down, Oliver was going to stay in the bunker to help but Felicity sassed him right into that awkward and awful Lance family dinner. TBH, it’s what he deserved. #sorrynotsorry

Uh-oh he’s got angry face. Only one person who can help with that and he can find her in his phone without even looking. We’ll have a better look at his navy peacoat in the next gif. For now, just admire the chiseled jawline.

Cloaked in his navy blue peacoat and broodiness, Oliver takes a moment to tell wifey that he plans to face a Mirakuru-enhanced Slade all by himself without any backup. Obviously, Felicity (like the rest of us) realize that is a dumb idea.

Again on the phone with wifey. Oliver’s outgoing call history: Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Thea, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity............ This is the look I prefer to see when Oliver works with the police. Cause dayum.

Oliver’s first instinct is always to protect Felicity. It’s reflexive and as natural as breathing to him. He’s looking heroically badass in his leather jacket and jeans as he flips them over the railing (very fortuitous that Felicity wasn’t wearing one of her trademark skirts or dresses -- Slade would have gotten an eyeful) :P

Damn, our OTP looks hawt in their all black, breaking and entering, we’re gonna blow up a building, outfits. Oliver’s gorgeous face is incredulous when Felicity tells him she didn’t think he would go along with her plan. As if that boy wouldn’t do anything she asked and he can’t believe she doesn’t know that lol.

Oliver’s spidey (arrow-y?) senses were tingling that bae was in trouble. It makes me laugh that Oliver came right at the guard, no stealth, no sneaking up on him, and dude still didn’t see that punch coming. How fast was Oliver moving for that to happen? In their matching black leather jackets and gloves, Olicity could’ve blown up the building with their fiery intensity and explosive chemistry.

He may look like a regular (albeit very attractive) human in his business suit but it takes a superhero to stab themselves with a large dose of Lidocaine in their busted knee so they can go about their day. Felicity, who we know has a fear of needles (all pointy things really), watches in horror and then disgust. Same, girl.

Oliver dressed in a somber black suit and tie to attend his mother’s funeral, but instead went to be alone with his dark thoughts in his other secret lair. Leave it to our broody boy to have a secondary secret lair. TBH, it’s actually pretty smart since the primary lair isn’t that secret. :/ But there is nowhere on earth where he could go Felicity can’t find him and there is never a time when she won’t try to encourage him to find another way.

Our stubborn sacrificial lamb remains set on his suicide mission to stop Slade. Felicity reluctantly lets go of his hand but she isn’t going to let him go too far.

When encouragement doesn’t work, there’s always a tranq dart.

Felicity and Diggle save Oliver so he can fight another day and another way. I know this isn’t technically an Olicity scene but Oliver deciding not to go it alone and who he chooses to have by his side in the end is monumental. This is one of my all-time favorite lines from the show and my mantra to the Arrow writers.

Things go sideways (literally) and Felicity is injured. Rather than have the strong and able-bodied member of OTA carry her to safety, Oliver and his busted knee hand his bow to Dig and hoists Felicity into his arms. I love the aesthetics of this but logically it wasn’t the smartest move. Here we see Oliver’s decision-making process and internal dialogue lol.

I’m reaallly nostalgic right now for the old Arrow suit and the mask. The city is burning but these two are on fire as they walk together in battle.

Even at his lowest points, when he doesn’t believe in himself and he isn’t sure of anything, he hangs on for dear life to every word that Felicity Smoak speaks. Her words break through the walls of self-doubt and fear to the hero within.

Many fans have stated that they believe Oliver realized he was in love with Felicity when they hugged after her epic ‘you are not done fighting’ speech. Me personally, I think Oliver was aware of his feelings long before then but did his level best to suppress them, ignore them, beat them down with a stick and self-loathing into the darkness. But this amazing woman’s kindness, generosity, compassion, wit, and trust brought him and his feelings into the light where he was struggling to hold them back.

This is such an underrated Olicity scene, imho. Felicity worries that Blood has set a trap for her boys. She tells Oliver and Dig she is gonna be really pissed if they don’t come back. The man who was more than willing to die for the past few weeks not only gives her a smile but also a reassuring shoulder squeeze because now he wants to come back and more importantly, believes he will.

There’s something about Oliver being in the suit while returning to the darkened foyer of his childhood home with Felicity. Maybe it’s that his past, present, and future are all colliding at once. I remember I got goosebumps the first time I saw it because everything about this scene--the music, lighting, camera angles, close ups- told me something big was going to happen. I had no idea how big lol.

Exhibit A of one of the close-ups. He takes a moment to just soak her in. She has inspired him to want to live. To embrace his humanity and have a life filled with love. But the city needs saving and he still holds wellsprings of guilt within his heart. This is always Oliver’s struggle within himself.

Eyes shining with emotion, expression earnest, Oliver lets go of his internal struggle over his feelings as those three little words slip through his lips.

I adore this kiss. I’m fine that they didn’t use it because honestly after that sincerely whispered ‘I love you’ they really didn’t need it to sell the ��ruse.” With the hood down and mask off but still in the suit, this was Oliver’s dual identity coming together for one brief moment because all of him loves Felicity Smoak.

Talk about unthinkable...that these two wouldn’t end up together. Even though Oliver wasn’t quite ready to follow-up on the admission of his feelings to Felicity in the light of day, his heart eyes and adoring expression give him away.

I said on Discord during the re-watch yesterday that I really didn’t like this scene when it first aired because I wanted them to kiss but over the years, I have come to appreciate the aesthetics. <3

In the last gif, Felicity says ‘let’s go home’ and Oliver nods with that soft smile he only has for her. I made a header about Olicity and the concept of home when Oliver returned from prison in 7x08. I think it was just as true then as it is now. <3

Thank you to all the fandom’s awesome gifmakers! :) SA interview gif credit to giphy.com. 2x14 scars gif credit to RolePlayGateway.com. 2x14 sass gif credit to FanForum.com. 2x14 Oliver staring gif credit to lyricalarrow.tumblr.com. 2x16 gif credit unknown. 2x22 hug gif credit to fangirlish.com.

#season 2 was the glory days #i'll never be over it #olicity #this is how you otp #oliver queen #mancrush monday #mancrusheveryday

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ofsoras · 5 years

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I’VE ARRIVED ! yes - i’m totally late - but i went out right after acceptances & took forever to conjure this little intro up ! anyways, i’m jada, and this is my baby miss MOON SORA. she’s 23, a fashion youtuber, and veeery ( secretly ) messy !! right now i only have a PROFILE and PINTEREST for her, so i’m sorry but more options will be coming soon ! i intend to have tons of fun plotting with you all, and maybe even having her create some chaos ! but i’ll save that for under the cut, so . . . if you’re interested, click that little read more ! and, as expected, you can always LIKE THIS for me to come & plot with you, and i have a discord if it’s what you prefer ! without further ado, let's go !

yes a lot of this is from her app but look !! a girl is tired 🤧

she’s from gwangju, south korea ! she was so very eccentric, most definitely the weird kid in class who’s always doing things a little differently haha !!

people didn’t really appreciate it and while she wasn’t exactly bullied, she tended to be avoided by others because she wasn’t like them.

her parents were not happy with this at all bc they’re super traditional and wanted her to marry into money since they were pretty poor so they were like ?? you’ll never find a man like this ! even though she’s like ... 6 lmao but that becomes more important later in the story !!

she liked fashion before, but wasn’t good at it AT ALL. similar to now she was always experimenting and creating new outfits, but none of it really … looked good lol !!

no one asked but it was almost this bad !

but time skip. she got accepted to a college in seoul and was ECSTATIC because she got to live in the city !! but her mom, blunt as she is, sat down sora and was basically like … sweetie. i’m not letting you go if this is going to be, bc you’re weird and you’re going to be bullied. try blending in ?

parent of the year, right ? anyway it hurt sora’s feelings reeeeally bad but it was kind of also her first “reality check” ? a twisted one at that, but for most her life she didn’t think much of how she lived but that’s when she became more conscious of how others saw her … and the start of the “ new ” sora !

so in college, everything changed. she actually made a conscious effort to upkeep her appearance, and began getting into fashion !! the only thing was, she didn’t have funds to go to high end stores or any of that like a lot of her friends did … so she got creative ! started shopping in thrift stores, seeing what she could find, then dolling it up to make it her own !

so then - boom ! after a bit of practice she started getting better, and it showed ! she still had that unique sense of style, but it was more “trendy” i guess sksks, and people really started paying notice ! because it was cute but included a lot of rare finds and just had that retro vibe ??

sidenote please do not follow this advice of changing for others sksk i DO NOT condone !!

anyway she grew to like the attention and wanted to do something with it ! her friend had suggested she start a youtube channel but she was a little iffy about it, until she realized her creations may be liked !

so in may of 2015, she started up her youtube channel which is now known as “sora styles” !! it’s mainly fashion, centering around her upcycling endeavors !!

it’s a lot like youtuber bestdressed’s setup, but a little more small scale ! showing you how to make something out of nothing, styling ideas w / the occasional casual discussion video !

her fanbase is relatively small in the grand scheme of things, but she has a loyal bunch who primarily like her for her “relatable” content ! her channel is catered to those who might not be able to afford things retail, and she always comes across as very humble & sweet in her videos !

but behind the scenes ?? things have been falling apart. she always talks about her subscribers allowing her to live comfortably, but it’s not really the truth ! being a smaller youtuber isn’t a very profitable career, so she has to compensate by putting twice the effort on her two part-time jobs ! by the end of the day she’s usually burnt out & it’s a struggle just to even get her videos up.

recently she’s just been tired of struggling to get by, and envies the rich ! her mom seems to be pressuring her into marriage more & more as the days go by, and just wishes she didn’t have to go through such a hassle to look as fashionable as everyone around her ! she’s become less accepting of who she is and more angry with her situation, and in turn channeling her frustration out on others.

but !! just recently she’s been invited to the reality show and she’s just … in awe ?? she didn’t think she was big enough to be discovered, and plus - who really wants a thrift fashion vlogger on tv ?? to be honest she was going to decline the offer because she thought they were basically using her as a gag !

but she saw that cash prize ?? and her eyes lit up ! she’s pretty dead set on the fact that she needs it more than everyone else, whether true or not, and is more serious than ever to get it !

while she was pretty sweet in the past, the stakes are up and she is willing to do anything to get that cash prize. she hates having to live such a stressful workaholic life in private behind the cameras, and really wants to run away with the money to live comfortably on her own without a reason for her mom to pressure her to get married right now because she’s a free spirit !! she doesn’t want it !!

so she is the show’s illusory because in a way she’s perceiving herself as the underdog, the sweet girl who happened to land herself on the show ?? mainly to gain favor of the audience, especially since her persona on the internet makes it believable ! and instead of going straight for everyone’s throats like some may, she’s definitely going to be more of a behind the scenes girl ?? digging dirt on people, spreading rumors she’s created subtly, and all that !! all while smiling at everyone she’s trying to take down & making a big deal about how she’s some small youtuber who’s just excited to get a little exposure !! in short - a snake !

but deep deep inside, she’s really not that bad. she is really doing this bc she hates being dependent on her parents & needs the money, but she ony really becomes like this when she reeeally needs something !

but yes she’ll be very fake about it ... going around and watching all the tea behind her tea cup lmao !! someone come collect her & expose her !!

just some random facts below !!

heir hair was short for the longest, but she literally only grew it out for the show !

she’s got a vlogging channel over at “sorasays”, which isn’t uploaded as frequently but includes all videos whenever she goes to fashion conventions or just out in her daily life !

as for where fashion takes her, she hopes to have her own brand for clothing that matches her aesthetic !

her dog, cheonsa ( angel ) is her . . . well, angel ! she looks like this and honestly looks a little weirder in the face wfwoih !! she is literally a diva and the worst behaved if she doesn’t want to listen but this is sora’s heart and soul everyone !

no one actually knows about her 2 part-time jobs because she finds it embarrassing !! at least from the outside, most youtubers she sees seem to be just working on videos, but she has to work a lot to afford her lifestyle.

naturally an introvert, who tends to force extroversion ?? she’s often lost in her own thoughts - one of the reasons she’s so conniving & good at plotting things - but because she wants to make a good impression, she tends to put herself more out there than she would otherwise !!

ok i’m running out of things to say ... i think you get the gist ! if you need more info i can assure you that i will scream about my kid in the ims !! but as for right now ... i am going to Sleep !! au revoir !

#( sora w / mun ! )#also as a sidenote i will be sleeping soon & getting to mssgs tomm !

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vanchlo · 7 years

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The Assistant / Chapter Twenty, “Defeat”

Hey there, everybody!!!! How has your September been so far?! I hope that school and work and life are all going great for you! I am SO psyched for Niall’s new album, his new song is such a bop! :D Luckily, I’ve had some free time from school lately to write and I made up this little beauty for you guys- haha what am I even saying LOL. On a sidenote, I’m so stoked for all of the new seasons of the shows coming back this Fall! Are there any that you guys are looking forward to? I love too many shows haha, so to name a few I’m super excited for are: Jane the Virgin, Supernatural,Riverdale, The Walking Dead and This Is Us! I’m already loving the new AHS Season, I’m crossing my fingers it won’t disappoint hehe! Thanks SO MUCH for those of you who have stuck around and waitED soooo patiently for new chapters, I know it’s been rough. You have no idea how much you guys mean to me. It kinda has been rough for me too, but I’m SO HAPPY to share this new one with you. Please let me know/message me/comment on your reblog or in the tags what you think, I LOVEEEEEE to hear what you guys think and your comments mean THE WORLD to me! Ok I’ll stop talking now, I hope that you guys enjoy and looooove this chapter!

Here’s a link if you’re new and want to read from the beginning or freshen up on old chapters! :)

Whack!

Jumping out of my seat again, I groan and look up to find the culprit. Speak of the devil, would you look at that.

“A simple ‘hello’ would suffice, you know,” I comment, pushing my hair back and glancing to the object he dropped in front of me.

“Well maybe ‘d consider bein’ that nice t’ you if I wasn’t havin’ all these problems with these files,” Harry retorts with a pained sigh, combing his fingers through his messy hair. I’m guessing somebody is getting sick of all of these meetings this week that he for once has to go to.

“What are you talking about?”

Sunday came and went, and before I knew it it was Monday. I spent the next days carrying out the tasks outlined on Harry’s list, as his notable head of hair was absent from the office due to some reason that contained the words ‘meetings’, ‘important’, ‘many’ and ‘yearly’, and without a hint as to when his return will be. I could care less about him returning to the work scene, as I’ve tucked away the happenings of the other night coated with a light haze of alcohol into a corner in my mind. But the tension and discord underneath it all is clear as ever. Too clear.

A cough racks my lungs as dust flies up into the air at me, my hands heavy with files. “Well God, sorry for disturbing your peace,” I mutter under my breath, a sneeze disrupting my vision and work a mere second later. I shift my legs, wincing at the rough carpet digging into my bare knees as I kneel in front of my desk- well in back of it. Dropping the new files I just digged out onto the stack of others, I attempt to shuffle them together into a uniform stack with them all facing the same way after I messed them up digging one out. But apparently that’s just a little too much to ask. Along with some other things.

Smack!

My shoulders jolt along with the rest of my body forward, almost making me smack into the open drawer in front of me spewing dust. “What the f-”

“Hey, ya got dat Woodman file fer me? I need t’ get my mind on somethin’ else,” a voice bites from across my desk, only scaring me more.

“Scare me much?” I retort, organizing the stack some more before giving up and gathering all of the files into my arms. “God, give me a heart attack, why don’t you?”

“Ya got tha file I want or not?” Harry spits at me as I get to my feet and lay my eyes on all of him. Damn. Veiny hand resting on my desk, next to a tall cup of Starbucks. Good God am I glad that I’m (for the most part) past being his food-run bitch. But now that I say that, it’ll probably jinx it and make a dreaded return.

“It’s not done yet. I didn’t think you would be back . . well, for awhile. I’m working on it now.”

“I sent you an email that I wanted it done by dis afternoon,” he replies curtly, tired green eyes pricked with anger. Something I only ever used to see pointed at somebody else. Not at me. And not because of me.

“What email? I didn’t get an email saying that.”

“Well maybe ya should focus on doing yer job, than bloody organizing and dustin’,” Harry returns with a smack of his hand to my desk, making me jump before he whips around with his long curls doing something like a twirl behind him, along with his luxurious coat. A new scarlet one I’ve not seen before. “I want tha file on my desk in half an hour. Don’ you bloody test me, Holte,” he finishes from over his shoulder. But if it seemed like he said it over his shoulder that’s wrong, because you say things over your shoulder when you’re looking back at somebody and he’s not wasting another look at me. Having to look at me for the last half a minute already seemed devastatingly horrific for him.

What a bastard.

“Here’s your stupid file. I’m so sorry for the wait,” I say with mock sadness, dropping the perfect looking file the color of his new coat onto his desk, with a good old smack.

A sigh falls from his lips, but I don’t stay to see it. I hear it from over my shoulder as I make my way for his door, but it’s not soon enough.

“Ya betta watch how yer speakin’ t’ me. I don’ allow that kinda shit here,” he shoots at me, making me stop for a millisecond.

I keep going and wrap my fingers around the cool smoothness of the handle, ready to turn it when I hear him clearing his throat. A strong ‘what’ drops from my lips, but I don’t give him the benefit of turning around. “Did ya bloody hear me?” he replies, and I hum a ‘mmmhmm’ in reply. “Is that understood, Holte?” he goes on, his voice thick with annoyance and other negative things that I don’t care to make out.

I deal him another ‘mmmhmm’ before twisting the handle and getting a huge slap in the face. Well, not literally. But the sight in front of my eyes may as well be as bad that. And apparently the monster standing in front of me feels the same as her botoxed face caked in makeup creases in disgust. The feeling’s mutual.

“Oh, hey, Amb,” Harry rasps, a sweet like candy tone adorning his voice as she squeezes in past me managing to ram her shoulder against mine in the process. Yeah right like that was an accident, your tiny ass had plenty of room.

“Hey, baby,” she coos, making my eyes roll into the back of my head as I step through the door and out of their little disgusting bubble, making sure to slam the door a little too hard on my way out. It serves you right.

I may or may not hear a little jab from the other side that is clearly about me from Amber, but it doesn’t get past my walls. Making my way down the hall and back to my desk, my ears prickle with the faint hint of something else.

“Sometimes I dunno why I even keep Holte ‘round, she’s more trouble than what she’s worth,” a deep harsh sigh trickles out from underneath his door, and this time the walls around my heart are like sponge. Keeping some out, and letting others in.

Another jab is felt in my chest at a certain one of his words. More so the one he didn’t say, and what one he said instead. Holte. Not Becks.

My eyes drift along the words stamped into the screen of my computer, the words refusing to register with my mind as I deal with the temptation of my eyes rolling back into my head.

“You coming?” a voice jolts me from my daydream or whatever it was, making me jump as I look up to find who the voice belongs to.

Jennings stares back at me before raising his bushy eyebrows at me in a silent question, giving up a moment later as he walks away with his Macbook in hand and frames penned to his coat pocket. A faint ‘yeah’ falls from my lips, although I don’t know why I bother because he can’t hear me. I watch him disappear into a room, giving me my cue to get up and wake up. With a tired sigh, I stand up from my not so comfy chair, closing my laptop and grabbing my trusty pad and pen that longs to be used for the first time in weeks.

Dammit, I wish I had asked for a few more shots of espresso in my coffee this morning.

Tucking my hair behind my ear, I step into the bright chatty room full of people in suits staring at their phone or laptop. I stalk off to the very back of the large noisy room where a few other people stand looking just as excited to be here. My legs had just halted when a figure blows past me, almost knocking me into the wall I stand by. My gaze hooks onto him and watches him cross the room to sit down in one of the few remaining wheely chairs surrounding the dark wooden table all of the important people surround. The surprise is little when I register the chocolatey curls and hard set features that rarely budge these days to break a smile.

Harry.

The bright lights flicker off and send us into a thick darkness, one that I welcome so I don’t have to look at him anymore. That smug look painted on his soft face and red rose-

“Alright lot, let’s get this show on the road!” Jennings announces from the other end of the table, stepping up to stand by the first slide the projector shows on the wall. Ugh, yet another meeting with all of the lawyers about this and that.

Clicking my pen on, I hold the pad out in front of me and write down the date, thinking back to the last meeting we had and how mad Harry got at me for not paying enough attention. And so this time in order to avoid his fiery wrath, I blink hard to try and wake up so I can catch every word. Oh this is going to be one long day.

The keys click and clack as my fingers dance across them, composing a reply to a client about something or other. My attention is elsewhere, coming up with all of the same old shit that I have to say, but it’s just a different day. My gaze darts across the room, watching people walk back and forth from the print room and pick up a phone here and there with not even a hint of a smile stuck to their lips. Or as my grandma likes to call it ‘people watching,’ which God knows she could do for hours on end just sitting at the shops or at the doctor’s.

“Hey!” a cheery voice interrupts, pulling my attention up and over to find smiley Asher in front of me with his hands stowed away in his pocket.

“Hey yourself. God, way to scare me.”

He laughs, eyes crinkling and dimples showing. “I just wanted to make sure that you’re awake,” he replies, freeing a hand to pluck one of the goofy pencils from the ancient mug on my desk to play with.

“Yeah, that’s debatable,” I reply, plopping my chin into my hand as my attention goes back and forth between him and the email in front of me. Glancing over it one more time, I fix an error or two before clicking Send. “But look at you, you’re certainly all bright eyed and bushy tailed today.”

“Yeah, I try. I mean somebody has got to be happy around here with Ms. Grumps here and Mr. Grumps over there,” he replies, nodding at me and then back at Harry’s office.

“Haha aren’t you funny!”

“I try,” he shrugs, making a smug face before dropping the pencil back into the mug with a soft clink. His head whips to the right suddenly, taking my eyes with him although I wish I hadn’t been so keen to look.

“I’ve already seen her too many times this week, what the hell does she want now?” I groan, hot rage trickling out of the cracks in my walls as I look at her, repeatedly wishing that she wouldn’t come any closer and just get back on that damn elevator.

“Yeah, tell me about it. I hate seeing her, I can only imagine how much more you do. She’s already a bitch to everybody, but she’s especially more bitchy to you which I didn’t know was even possible.”

“Tell me about it. She has some problem with me that I don’t know about,” I reply, lowering my voice towards the end as I look back to my laptop after it dinged, again.

I hear somebody clear their throat, and when I look up I don’t know who did it. If it was Asher, or the blonde dragon standing next to him and glowering at me.

“Is he in his meeting still?” Amber asks hastily, tapping away on her phone with fake Barbie pink nails.

“Yeah, it won’t be done until two,” I reply after bringing up the calendar and glancing at today’s agenda.

She huffs annoyingly, although every single thing she does is annoying. I don’t get how he can handle it. “Fine, tell him I’ll be in his office,” she bites back, still staring at her phone before stalking off to his hallway.

“I do not get what he sees in her,” Ash remarks once she’s out of earshot, as I follow her order and email him to let him know she’s here. “Or frankly, if there is anything to see past all of that makeup and hairspray.”

“Me too,” I comment, watching her hips sway down the hall and around the little corner as the words weigh heavy on my tongue. Gulping, I return to my computer where a bolded email sits in my inbox waiting.

The work never ends.

“So I heard something funny about you the other day.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” I answer, skimming over the email before taking bits out here and there to send to Harry. To see what he thinks. His word is final, Mr. Dictator.

“I heard you and a certain somebody got stuck in an elevator together at the Halloween Party.”

My eyes lift and I give him the dirtiest look I can muster at quarter to 2 in the middle of a Wednesday. His lips explode into a nervous laugh before he throws his hands up and pleads innocent. “What, I’m just saying what I heard!”

With a shake of my head and the slightest hint of a smile sticking to my lips, my fingers flit over the keys once again for the hundredth time today. Closing my laptop, I reach over to pluck the maroon red folder from the edge of my desk.

“What’s that for? Does it have some juicy stuff, like infidelity or murder?”

“No, stop it, you weirdo. I forgot to drop this off to Harry earlier and he’ll be pissed if he doesn’t see it on his desk when that meeting’s over. I’ll be right back.”

“Actually I have to split, too. I just wanted to come say hi and you know, give you shit about the new office rumor,” Asher replies, starting to walk away with that sly grin stuck to his lips. “Good luck with the she-devil in there, try not to get caught in her crosshairs.”

“I’ll try my damndest not to,” I say, waving at him with a small goodbye before we part ways.

With every step towards his office and towards her, my body screams ‘no’. My hand jumps on the bandwagon when I push open his slightly ajar door to find the one and only sat at his desk. God, I don’t know how she gets away with it, I know he hates when people sit in his chair. Only her, of course.

“What do you want?” she bites, looking me over oddly as she taps away on her phone. Perfect legs shown off in a tight gray dress crossed under his desk, my eyes flitting to her plunging neckline that makes me want to vomit along with the harsh whiff of hairspray I get from her long blonde curls. She sees me staring, and it only makes my cheeks hotter.

“Uh nothing, I’m just dropping something off for Harry,” I reply, forcing the words out one by one as they come out sticky. I don’t have to tell her, why does she need to know.

“Whatever,” she puffs, daring a glance at me to show me those beady snake eyes before she flips her hair and looks away as if I’m the last thing she wants to see.

Yeah the feeling’s mutual, I silent yell at her in my head as my feet drag over to his desk to lay the bulky file on the free space of his wooden desk even though my fingers ache to throw it at her and scrape up that perfectly fake face.

If only.

Ouch.

Warm red blood oozes quickly out of the invisible cut. Sticking my finger in my mouth, I suck on it with a wince and look back to the words staring at me.

Dear Ms. Holte,

Hello, I am contacting you with the interest of hiring Mr. Styles for …

Blah. Blah. Blah. Casting my eyes away, I pull my finger away and glance at it to see the bleeding is almost gone. This time I slowly and carefully flip the page of the stapled document in front of me, making sure not to give myself another stupid paper cut. As the words sink into the folds and grooves of my mind, my stomach tries to distract me with a grumble, but I ignore it and keep on reading. A string of words cling in my mind. Cheating. What about the kids. Her audacity. 28 years of marriage. With my coworker. Rubbing my temples, my attention pulls away from the thirty-page court document I’ve hardly made a dent in. Why I need to be reading this soap opera shit is beyond me, something about precedence and working with new cases of the same nature or something like that, according to Harry.

Whack!

Jumping out of my seat again, I groan and look up to find the culprit. Speak of the devil, would you look at that.

“A simple ‘hello’ would suffice, you know,” I comment, pushing my hair back and glancing to the object he dropped in front of me.

“What are you talking about? I’ve been getting the files to you on time.”

“Hardly. You got tha Woodman file t’ me at tha last minute, and now I come back from a meeting t’ see the crime scene photos missin’ from tha O’Pete’s file,” he replies, face creased with annoyance and anger. “Maybe if ya weren’t so busy chattin’ with yer friends you’d be doin’ a betta’ job and wouldn’ have bloody lost ‘em. ‘m sick of havin’ t’ put up with this shit, Holte, I shouldn’ hafta be doin’ yer work for you . . And don’ you bloody expect me t’ go an’ find those photos for you.” his words hit me like a double-edged sword, and I know that he knows that too. It’s what he intended. And what Amber intended when she ratted on me about talking to Asher.

“I had the pictures in there when I dropped the file off in your office, I promise you.”

“Sure ya do,” he responds curtly with ice held in his eyes, but he holds my gaze for a few seconds longer than I thought he would. And he softens. Just a little bit. It makes me wonder if he believes me, or what the hell he’s thinking. No, you can’t pull that card, Harry.

But my wondering changes when I see a flash of blonde and something else entirely behind him, just before a pair of arms go around his middle and some cheesy greeting pricks my ears, making them want to bleed if I have to hear that squeaky voice once more.

“Hey, I was jus’ leavin’,” Harry says, turning around and intertwining his hand with hers, forgetting he was even talking to me a moment ago. I don’t care to listen to the rest of their conversation and her nails-on-chalkboard voice, and so I go back to my emails.

But when I look back and see his rose lips puckering to plant a kiss on her lipsticked lips, I feel my insides wrench and all thoughts of the box of granola bars in my drawer go out the window. My gaze lingers for a second too long allowing me to see her look back at me and wink. A piece clicks, and now I have a ‘duh moment’.

It was her. Amber messed with the file.

There’s a long bleeeeeep. Shaking my head, I rub at my eyes and stand up from the wheely chair and the long wooden table. Dragging my feet, I pry open the door and pick up the plate of an ooey gooey cinnamon roll to bring it over to the table. I unlock my phone just as there’s a click and when I look up I find a bright smile. But I find it too hard to return.

“Hey, why the long face, Grumps?” Asher pokes, but when I look back down without a response especially one including a laugh, he hums a ‘heeeeey’.

“Sorry, today’s been too long,” I reply, poking at the soft roll with my fork.

“Everything alright?”

“Sure,” I answer, looking up to find him helping himself to a cinnamon roll at the counter where they sit in a box from the bakery. I don’t even know why I grabbed one, because I can’t stomach the idea of putting it in my mouth and swallowing.

“Hey,” he says, walking over to me and waiting for me to look up. “You can talk to me, you know.”

“I know . . ,” I say, plopping my chin into my hand and going back to playing with my food.

“You were fine when we talked last, did something happen between then and now?” he questions, waiting for me to answer, but I don’t. And with a sigh he says, “did something happen with Amber?”

I don’t want to and I don’t know how I do, but I nod. And then my lips part and words start pouring out. “I dug up an old case file for Harry for this new case he’s working on. It had a ton of stuff from the trial and prelim stuff- you know the usual. I left it on his desk when Amber was in there, and then he comes to me after his meeting and says the pictures from the file were missing and that I lost them. But I looked over the file before I left the basement, and everything was there, Ash. I saw the photos with my own eyes, and they were there when I put that file on his desk,” I drown on, words coming hot and fast and so does the dryness in my throat that appears out of nowhere. Come on, Becky, don’t cry now. “She took them out and did something with them, knowing that it was my job to get that file to him, and also knowing how pissed he would be that they were missing. Plus she knows full well that he already hates me, so it’s just fuel to the fire … I know it’s a longshot, but that’s the only thing I can think of, and with how much she seems to hate me it makes sense.”

“It’s not a longshot, I believe you … Did you tell any of this to Harry?” he replies, hand resting on the back of my chair as his soft eyes stay on mine.

A shake moves my head, and I tear my gaze away to look back to the roll. “No, he wouldn’t believe me. She’s his perfect little angel. He didn’t even do anything when I told him that one night how she came into his office and started screaming at me, so what would be the point now?” I answer, blinking hard and letting out a heavy sigh that gives the feeling that tears aren’t far behind. Please no.

“Becky, you have to tell him. He can’t just go on thinking that you messed up the file when it was her fault. You shouldn’t take the blame when it isn’t yours.”

“I know and I want to, but he’s back to hating me lately. I-I’m so sick of it, Ash, he treats me like shit and still expects me to answer his every beck and call. He’s so moody, and on top of that, there’s his stupid girlfriend. First, she just about harasses me and now she’s trying to sabotage me or something,” I recount to him, letting my head fall into my hands as hot tears slowly trickle down my cheeks.

“Hey hey, it’s ok. I know it’s a load of shit, but it’ll be ok, Becky… As much as I’d hate it, i-if you’re not happy here then you should find something better, than having to put up with his shit. I’m so sorry, none of this is fair at all.”

“Thanks, Ash,” I reply, voice muffled against my wet arm. I don’t know what else to say. “I don’t know what to do,” I finish, lifting my head and swiping a finger across my cheeks right as the door to the break room opens. Hurriedly wiping the rest of the tears away, I look down and away to cast the attention from me, but when I look back up I know I was too late when I see the look on their face.

“Hey, I uh- there’s sumbody on line three for you. I guess ‘s important,” the slow words fall from his lips that I can’t look at without thinking of them being on hers, and her manicured fingers running through those dark curls and along those tattooed arms.

“Yeah thanks,” I reply quietly, saying a soft goodbye to Asher before dumping my untouched cinnamon roll into the bin on my way out the door. Harry a few steps ahead of me. And my cheeks red as a tomato.

After a little while, it’s evident that he’s slowed down for me and even more so when he comes up behind me as I take a seat back at my desk. But I don’t understand. A nervous ‘hey’ is all that leaves his lips, before I interrupt him and pick up the phone with the usual greeting. I pretend not to see him falter there for a second biting his lip before stuffing his hands away in his pockets and walking off like there was more he wanted to say.

But I’d much rather talk to this stranger on the phone than to him.

“Seriously!” I groan through my teeth, itching to pick up my foot and let it swing but I resist. A heavy sigh leaves my lips and I whip around leaving the scene of the crime, or more so the disaster.

With a purpose in my step, I’m on a mission as I nearly stomp through the floor in search of that baby face and those glasses. Out of the corner of my eye I see a flash of yellow, and when I look in that direction I come up with nothing. But I’m glad.

“Hey, Matt, just the guy I’m looking for!” I exclaim, painting on a smile.

“Oh hey, Becky. What’s up?” Matt the IT guy replies, stubble evident on his cleft chin as his round cheeks bunch together with a smile. A whisper of chest hair poking out from under his checkered green button down that hugs his round shape.

“The uh printer is messing with me again.”

“I hope you didn’t kick it this time,” he quips and I laugh along with him as I follow him back to the print room.

“No, I resisted,” I reply, going along with his joke as I watch him sign into the little touch screen in charge of the printer.

Minutes pass of staring into the distance as Matt dinks around with the printer, a beep here and a beep there while I stand there awkwardly not knowing what to do. After a couple more minutes, Matt ever so kindly hands me the documents I printed and I’m back to my desk and back to staring at the dwindling list for this week. I feel the plop of my heart plummeting into my stomach when my eyes land on the next task that doesn’t have a check.

- Filing.

No, this can’t be happening, again, I tell myself although I clearly remember the last time I did it and how little I got done. I try my best to resist letting my eyes roll into the back of my head, but it’s hard. It’s a feat in and of itself. I try to recollect my breathing and myself, but it’s hard.

With imaginary weights tied around my ankles with chains, I readjust the heavy crates digging into my arms and I stop in front of his godawful door. With a preparatory breath, I juggle the weight of the full crates onto one arm as I knock on his door with the other one. Bracing myself, I stand there patiently and wait. And wait. With a sigh of relief, I twist the handle to find it open and nothing but air sitting at his desk. YES! Giving the door a little push, I let it close behind me and I walk over to the object of my nightmares. Just about.

I’ve made it halfway through the song list on my phone by the time lunch rolls around, but I haven’t even organized a quarter of these damned things. The rumbles of my stomach threaten to bounce off the walls of Harry’s office, as dark gray clouds move in on the other side of his floor to ceiling windows.

The chorus of a John Mayer song fills the room as I settle another small stack of organized files into the last to the bottom drawer, relieved but wishing it was more and not so little. An excited click! cuts into my jam session as my focus is severed from the new pile I plucked from the crates. I look up and over, fearing the worst and knowing that whatever I get won’t be good and can’t be good.

Harry doesn’t even bother a glance at me as he storms into the room looking to be on a mission himself, booking it over to his closet and that’s when I stop looking.

“Yer tha most jumpiest person ‘ve eva met, ya know that?” he rasps, the clink and clatter of the wooden hangers holding his most prized possessions mixing in with my music much to my dislike. I was hoping I could get in and out of here without having to bump into him.

“Yeah, I’m well aware,” I answer, hearing something in his tone like sarcasm, but I don’t want to mistake it and dig myself even farther than I already am. You can’t play mean one day and then go and play nice another, it doesn’t work like that.

The song ends and switches to another that I cling to as to avoid the awkwardness floating in the room, the voice of Matt Willis from Busted pouring from my phone as I try to focus on the files. But it’s hard as I feel his stare on the back of my neck, for some crazy reason I can’t put a name to.

By the last words of the song he’s gone, but it’s not soon enough. And the whole time he was behind me trying to find whatever jacket or scarf, I didn’t get even one file done. My head too wrapped up in my thoughts about him, thoughts too twisted the song couldn’t even drown out.

My hands are itching and my stomach is jumping as the seconds slowly tick away on the screen, and they’re practically ripping open the door when it bleepsssss at the zero. Getting comfy in the wheely chair at the head of the table I’ve claimed as my own, I shovel a spoonful of last night’s leftover lasagna past my lips as Netflix loads on my phone. I do that weird chew-carefully-with-my-mouth-open thing as the hot sauce and noodles try their damndest to burn my tongue. Thumbing a spot of sauce from the corner of my mouth, I tap on the next episode of American Horror Story excitedly and lean back to enjoy my break from my worst nightmare that is filing Harry’s shit built up over the last few years.

The story of the all-girl witch coven went by too fast and so did my leftovers, landing me back in Harry’s office luckily to my lonesome and listening to some random song. My head begins to hurt after looking at all of the tabs the color of the rainbow. With a sigh, I start making piles based on the color of the tabs, and I find out I suddenly hate the color green.

The rest of my day looked about the same, and so did the next day. Friday. The last day of this ever so long week. Just one more day, and then I get to have two of them all to myself. Two glorious days away from this place and away from him. And away from her, after being in her line of fire for this past week. First, the file thing and ratting on me about talking to Asher, then little things throughout the week as she made her appearance every day and made my existence more of a living hell. Stopping by my desk to ask for Harry and putting her hand down wrongly on accident and hanging up on the person I was talking to. Bumping into me out of nowhere and making me spill my coffee everywhere including all over myself.

Slowly, my courage grew as the filing seemed to get a little easier, and before I knew it I was past the halfway mark. And only a few songs left on my phone unlistened to. And my secret box of Cheez-Its giving up on me.

My finger floats across the screen, stabbing my number in before pushing the door open to leave the stuffy breakroom with cutie Evan Peters hot on my mind. With a spring in my step and caffeine once again flowing through my veins, I point my feet back to his hallway as a hum leaves my lips. A phone rings behind me from one of the cubiclers, somebody laughs and my phone dings with a new message. To this day, I still don’t really get what they do. All I can remember from my rushed tour with Harry, is something along the lines of “e’rybody ‘s pretty much assigned t’ their own department, answering calls an’ doin’ shit fer them - whether it be Financial, Real Estate, Immigration, Criminal, Personal Injury, Corporate, Med Malpractice, Family, Contracts, Civil, General or a li’l bit’o all like me.” The new text appears on my screen as I twist the handle to his door, reading the first few words of Skye’s text about going out of town for the weekend with some new guy. My eyes glance over the rest of her words as I walk into his office mindlessly

Thud!

I both feel it and hear it this time. Wondering if I ran into the wall or into one of the many pieces of furniture adorning his office, I lift my head quickly and almost jump. Again. Out of nowhere my heart begins to race, wanting to run me out of here. And I can’t blame it.

“Why don’t you watch where you’re going?” the voice belonging to the body I just ran into barks at me. I mutter a small apology, pressing the lock button on my phone and stowing it away in my back pocket just in time to hear a ‘pft’ come from the other person in the room. The room that was empty the last time I was in here roughly half an hour ago.

“What are you even doing in here anyways?”

“I’m doing filing for Harry,” I reply to her annoyed, wishing to add in a ‘what does it look like I’m doing’, but I save it for good measure. But boy oh boy is the temptation there. “What are you doing here? Harry’s not even here today.”

“What does it matter to you. This is my boyfriend’s office, I can be here whenever I like and whyever I like,” Amber responds, adjusting her bleached curls on the shoulders of her pink peacoat. Yeah okay, I’m pretty sure ‘whyever’ isn’t really a word, but go ahead I guess.

A shallow ‘fine’ jumps from my lips as I walk back to my corner where my work sits. But I have a feeling I’m not going to get a chance to start it again.

“I thought I told you the last time that you’re not allowed in here,” she bites back, words jumping at me like knives with the way that she says them so snarkily.

“Harry said I can be here. I’m doing my job.”

“I said you’re not allowed in here, so um get out!” she exclaims, and all of a sudden I feel a pair of claws dig into my arm. Whipping my head over, I find her hand wrapped around my arm.

“Get your hand off of me,” I snap, eyes knitted together and my mouth hanging open in a large ‘O’. Ripping her hand from my arm, I step away from her still feeling the sting of her nails digging into my skin through my shirt. Wow, somebody needs to request a different style at the nail salon next time.

“Oh I didn’t even touch you,” she argues, twisting her features into a snotty look that looks too similar to her resting face. “Now get out!”

“No! I’m doing what Harry asked, maybe you should get out.”

“You’re unbelievable, I can’t believe Harry’s even kept you around with your backtalk and all of the times he complains about you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sacks you sooner or later, he doesn’t even like you anyways,” she retorts with those beady dark eyes pointed at me.

For a moment I let her words get the best of me, I let myself believe what vile things she says about the way Harry feels about me. And it’s a few seconds too long, allowing her claws to meet my chest, taking the fabric of my expensive dress with her as she drags me towards the door. But it’s not so much dragging as it is throwing me onto the ground by the door, making her point loud and clear.

I land hard on my side, and crack my head on the trim on the wall at the base. Wincing hard, I find my bottom lip between my teeth and soon feel a warmth trickle into my mouth along with the unmistakable metallic taste of blood. My own blood. I swipe my thumb along my lip, pulling it away to see the whole pad of my thumb coated in red. It’s far past crying time as I slowly look up at Amber to find her stepping up to me to yank me up by the arms. With my blood seething at her hands being on me and my heart galloping away in my ears, I push at her and away from me. Her hand slips somehow and knocks her back in the face much to my pleasure, but when she straightens in a matter of seconds and looks back at me shocked with a line of red much similar to my own above her lip, I know that wasn’t good. Even though a notch in my forehead throbs with a harsh stinging to it.

“Get out!” she screams at me, pushing me out the door and almost making me fall on my face. Once again. Using my hands like a little kid to get back up on my feet, I stumble down the hallway mindlessly not knowing where I’m going until I feel my feet working against me and back in the direction I came. Why oh why.

Throwing the door open a second after it met its hinges, I stomp back into the room to find her wiping at the small beads of blood collecting above her lip. Yeah you ain’t got nothing on me. “You know, I forgot to ask just now and you know the time before that and before that, what the hell is your problem with me?!” I roar breathlessly, feeling a pain in my chest I wouldn’t be surprised at being a heart attack, or something akin to that.

“Nothing, get out of my face!”

“What, before you fucking assault me again?” I reply, wiping my mouth to find even more blood but it’s no surprise as the taste coats every millimeter of the inside of my mouth.

“Pft, ‘assault you’. Yeah right, I didn’t even touch you. And who would believe you anyways?” she snarls, a nasty smile contorting her impossibly full lips as her snake eyes dig into my skull. Her next words send chilling shivers down my spine, the coldness seeping into my chest and writhing around my heart, “I could just as easily say that you assaulted me.” And with that her long legs start to move towards me, catching me off guard to let her push me into the wall as she leaves the room. Because apparently saying ‘get out of my way’ is too much work. I see somebody has a hard time using her words.

The click clack of her heels on the tile floor drill into my throbbing head, and only when they start to become faint and then disappear altogether do I stumble out of his office and down the hallway mindlessly without an idea as to where to go. If I go onto main and back to my desk, people will notice and stare at the gash spewing blood on my lip. And they’ll stare even harder and maybe even laugh- definitely laugh when they see me sobbing, because I’m hardly out of his hall and I feel my throat starting to dry up like the Egyptian desert.

My legs feel like those Jell-O cups you’re given in the hospital after having a surgery. Wobbly, unpredictable and threatening to cave at any second. I drag my feet to the back of the hall, finding the elevator quickly and glad that for once it opens its doors within a matter of seconds and not minutes. I can’t get off the sketchy thing fast enough, welcoming the musty smell of sawdust that begins to surround me. Stumbling through the piles of sawdust, plastic tarps and pieces of wood, I finally find the bathroom at the other side of the hall, untouched from the sawdust. Slamming the door shut, I twist the lock with a satisfying click and brave myself to touch the lightswitch. But at first I can’t, because I don’t want to see what looks back at me in that mirror. The image of defeat painted all over my face with splashes of red and most likely faint blue, all because of her. My back hits the wooden door and I slide down it into a slump, feeling my chest tighten before unleashing a guttural sob. Sob after sob leaves my lips, tears flowing down my cheeks and mixing with the blood pooling on my bottom lip. My forehead pulsing with a new fervor to it, and my lip hot and prickly with pain.

Bee-o!

I don’t know why I do it or how, but I’m pulling my phone out of my pocket to find a new notification on my screen.

One new email.

I drag my thumb across the screen, opening the notification to find the name attached to the email through blurry eyes. My chest shrinks together and I skid the phone across the floor and away from me, with the name burned into my eyes.

Harry.

Because there’s no coincidence that he just so happened to email me a mere few minutes after his girlfriend just tried to beat me up, and possibly succeeded. My head throbs a little harder at the wonder of what his email has to say, and all of the possibilities it could be. I squeeze my eyes shut tight at the thought of how not one of those possibilities can be good.

She won.

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arvoze · 7 years

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man, this was sent like, nearly 2 weeks ago or w/e, and i completely ignored it bc i didnt have the energy/ability to care (you literally sent these when it was between 1 - 2am my time) but, it was recently brought to my attn that you put both me + lal in your byf (because i.... banned you from a server i guess, and that means lals at fault too?) so.

i guess it’s high time i answer this lmao. maybe you wont even see this. maybe youll vague abt me for the next few weeks and try and make me out to be a bad person, but i dont care lol. anyways this is under a cut bc its pointless drama i guess. ask 2 tag

additionally: this isnt rly meant to act as a callout post. but since u asked on anon (and im pretty sure we’re mutually blocked) i cant really talk about this privately. this is mostly just.. well. answering your question. ive written this little paragraph after i’ve written everything below, so like, idk dude, it happens sometimes, i get rly heated abt shit and then cool down after a while. so this is wild.

edit: i havent read this thru nor do i care about reading it through. are there a bunch of typos? probably. dont care though

i dont rly have the energy to pull up Everything esp because that lke.... requires going thru so many discord messages adn i really just. dont care enough to sift through everything

“but if u dont care why are you writing this” shut up u wanted answers didnt u lol

nyways heres just . some shit lmao

man firstly let’s deal w your post abt my server

+ dont worry! ive got it archived in case u delete it bc who knows what ud do lol. nyways

lets just do some breakin apart on this:

i was lterally shaking at the time and having my OWN panic issues but i guess you dont rly take that into consideration lol?

this is one of the biggest exaggerations like ... you made it sound like the server was some big special place jdfghdkj theres literally 4 mods and 2 of them didnt even talk to you. the other 2 were me and lal

like half of the server isnt even fucken active on the server and the majority of the other half dont even care about unfollowing/blocking u. what a wild assumption. thts the funniest shit 2 me

please you literally sent me 3 asks when it was way too early in the morning 4 me expecting me to reply as if it was possible for me to give u all the reasons in like 10 minutes jesus christ

ths is one of the ugliest posts ive ever seen + this was posted before you were banned frm the server. several ppl in the server have bpd + i was absolutely not willing to have smeone who says this sht abt their illnesses around (re: the whole “not actively in therapy” and shit. fuck off lol)

here’s some other stuff on my list that you might remember:

(kin stuff) being fully aware that my brother wasn’t - and still isn’t - okay with doubles with a specific character, and that you were specifically warned whilst he was offline, and you knew this was the case, yet decided that your best way of explaining something was..... fuck dude, whats the wording you used? “i’d say but some people here aren’t ok with doubles” or some shit which is! literally just as bad! and tht shit has fucked my bro up so severely tht he still fuckn..... thinks abt + the shit uve said In General (shrugging emoji)

heres a fucken wild ride for u: ur the reason he left th server anyways and why the second i banned u i was immediately happy because holy shit i can talk to my bro again bc i could invite him back! to a chat where he doesnt have to deal w someone who causes him constant panic attacks! wowee

lets not forget me expressing my extreme distaste of lying [person] + r.idged.og + ridg.epho.s but u completely ignoring that shit (+ wowie remember when u said lying was yr friend and that you didnt like me venting negatively abt them bc my nasty experiences r somehow less important than ?? tht shit??? lol anyways)

god the entire fucking drama w the lying shit . i cant believe i was on yr side for a while jdfghkj. that whole fiasco was so shitty. nyways thts nothing to do w me its just something that made so many ppl uncomfy

remember when you left the lying chat and then vented to us about shit but then rejoined the lying chat unbeknownst to us + caused shit again (surprise, i know about that)

you, generally, made several people uncomfortable (myself included), and as the owner of the server, i’d much rather kick one person from the server than have several people being uncomfortable. but if that’s an unreasonable thing to do then please, inform me, because that’s news to me.

whilst i dont support alex or alex’s partner in any way, shape or form (before u try and call me a fucken apologist/supporter/whatever lol), the blatant deliberate misgendering of alex’s partner on your byf was extremely shitty of you (which has since been fixed, but yikes).

(kin stuff) pretending to not be a double around lal, knowing he’s not comfortable with doubles (which, maybe you’re not! but given you’re kin w mc.ree + got that in your byf, and don’t have anything abt not follwing if ur x.phos in ur byf...... boyo)

god theres more but im not willing to dig up all the shit + also dont want to ask other ppl about their personal problems bc thats exposing them to a past/experience they probably want to forget about/never revisit

if u found this? congratulations. you got your answers.

if ur gonna vague abt me? go ahead. i dont really see what ive done wrong lmao.

also, re: why i didn’t tell you anything at all,

i was having a panic attack and almost throwing up

i kept trying to find reasons to keep you in the server, because i didn’t want problems to arise

i will literally never talk to ppl abt this kinda shit privately bc i dont want people to feel bad but 2 late

#jack dont look #bluespace #drama i guess but idk #ive been meaning to get this off my chest for a while but ehhh #i didnt talk abt the thing that pushed me to do stuff but its like ... not rly worth mentioning i guess #ths is sometthing ppl can skip over idc i just wanted to finally answer this

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survivorinternational · 5 years

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Episode 1 - "You are an evil psychopath... but I kinda dig it." - Veni

STEPHENS BACK

I love love how these tribes are split up but I’m kind of nervous about playing with people I’ve played other things with before! There was only one person I didn’t already have added and that is Daniel. I’m just going to try to stay on everyone’s good side and maybe try to get close with everyone? I think that we are going to have a strong tribe so that’s a plus!

Israel is not in Europe

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So since this is "International" I decided to call everyone in our tribe be either their home country or town. So Clash is Richmond. Vilma is Oulu. Ginger is Israel. Allan is Scotland. I have yet to talk to Latvia but they appear as a very busy person. So it's Day 2 right now and I have just woken up. Me and Oulu stayed up 'till 6 AM last night just talking and chilling. I really like her so I hope we can make it far. I also like Richmond because that is a cool name so we established a 3-person group. Richmond insists on repeating F3 every 5 minutes which is pretty scary but I'll just disregard it for now. I am enjoying the diversity of our cast, proud to be a European seeing as the other tribes are basically just Australia and just USA. Right now I'll try to put some work into this flag I guess since nobody has taken initiative.

So its off to a relatively good start, I’ve talked with 3 other tribe members and they seem pretty cool, i got a good rapport with Tyler and Jacob especially. They also had good input into the challenge to so, yay. The other to however haven’t spoken, and we can’t blame time zones cause their like, at most an hour seperate. Be careful Sluggyg and Dylan, we lose a challenge we’ll be looking at you. I’m not gonna pm them first though, trying not to come off too needy yet, I’ll give at least some pretense of not being absolutely bonkers.

Good lookin. Nah jk. So I have to admit I was a late bloomer in terms of speaking in the group chat and I conveniently missed the people I didn't know - Tyler, Dean. I have a history with Jacob and I know Michael from a previous community so I have hit the ground running with the idea of sticking together but nothings too solidified yet so hopefully in a bit I'll find myself in a majority! The only thing Stephen said to me so far is "heyo" and "ya I teach english", so..

Ok so Hi. I hate u all why am i here. Im nervous cause im out here trying not ti be the first boot and have to have my dog comfort me while i cry to sleep. Literally shaking in slides. Everyones a bit of a hoot, all male tribe! Wowee. Just going be pals with all these kiddies. Although the flag they made is literal trash, ill be nice :)

hey boys time for my first confession that will be longer than it should be and not entertaining in the slightest so the cast reveal was interesting! i wasn’t expecting many familiar faces at all, maybe like one or two people i sort of know of. but when i saw ruthie and randy, i was honestly relieved. ruthie and i have always been good allies together in games and i love her a lot. she’s loyal and funny and smart. just overall wonderful person to play with and i’m really happy to have her here. also, seeing randy was so good too. honestly i know he has a ~rEp~ for being not the greatest, but i don’t particularly care. i feel like we’re going to get along really well in this game. the only thing that annoys me is that him talking to me at first was all like, “oh emily you’re so a good player i love you please don’t vote me out get me to merge xo” like he was purposefully inflating my ego because....... people generally think i have a big ego. and a year ago, yeah i definitely did. that’s why i lost both of my last two main season games. my ego got in the way and i got too confident, too cutthroat, too rude, too self absorbed. and so much has happened in my life, i’ve been taken down a few notches and the last thing i want is for people to think i’m a narcissist. i’ve worked on myself a lot and it’s just sad to see people treating me like this like they think it’ll guarantee me wanting to work with them. sigh. anyway, continuing with the other people: my skype app will NOT give me notifications when daniel or patrick send me messages and it’s frustrating me high key because they’ll respond two minutes after i send a message and i won’t see it for hours, even if i check the chat. new skype is ruining my social game yeah! but in general pat and daniel seem cool. only person i’m weary of is liana! i didn’t realize at first, but she’s married to chips who....... hates me LMAO! i’ve never played a game with her so here’s to hoping she doesn’t have an idea of me in her head already. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ other tribe comments: i saw vilma in a game for the first time like well over a year ago and was like i am in LOVE with her and i want to MARRY her. she’s so pretty and seems so funny and when we’re on the same tribe we WILL be best friends and if we’re not i’m THROWING HANDS!!! it has to happen. has to! i don’t think i recognizes literally anyone else? everyone is pretty much unfamiliar to me. so how i’m feeling right now: randy is really good at making flags! and confident that we’ll pull through with reward tbh. like he’s very talented. i’m gonna put together a makeshift flag too just in case it’s ugly and also to show that i’m active and here and contributing, but i doubt it’s going to be bad. and also it’s only reward! if we don’t win, i don’t mind it that much. my fear is that we end up going to tribal the first round! i don’t know how strong this tribe is in terms of challenges. i don’t know anything about liana, daniel, or patrick. i don’t remember anything about randy or ruthie when it comes to challenges either. so we’ll have to see! daniel told me he played on discord so he’s probably used to more text based challenges or flash games, which is very helpful because i’m bad at both. but from my experience, typical tumblr challenges are far different from typical discord challenges. yeah. also, randy and i shared our idol guesses and both found nothing. i went around camp -> shelter -> on top -> nothing and he went around camp -> treemail -> (uhhh something i already forgot lol) -> nothing. i’m gonna share mine with him every round as like a trust thing. idk if he’ll tell me the truth but i’ll tell him the truth! idc honestly! :p okay end of this long confession i hope you had fun reading if you read this far give me an idol clue xoxo emily (dennis remember in mongolia when i told you the exile idol was under a girl’s name) (i’m sorry)

So the reward challenge is a flag making challenge. I hate a lot of the things, but I am taking a step back since I have been told I can be controlling in the tribe stages when it comes to challenges. So I want to see how well the tribe performs without me stepping in.

Day one thoughs: Yes!!! A tribe full of people with similar time zones. Jacob and Sluggy are here, nice. UHC alliance has already been suggested... not sure how to feel. Talked to all other tribe members. Everyone seems nice... dont quite trust Tyler yet... seems shifty Reward challenge: Not a fan of original design. Spent a bit of time working on another design... which i had more time to make it better. Seems to be good enough, will see what tribe says. Idol search round one: nothing

me: so yeah just send me your image so I can do all the work and make the flag everyone: (by the way these confessionals will be over the top and not express my true true feelings, i.e. I'm exaggerating everything)

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The plan is to kill people with kindness! I really don't plan on winning but i'd love to if I am able to. I just hope I stay long enough to talk to most. My two closest friends are Richmond and Oulu. Oulu is super nice and we talk often so that is cool ----------

Oh lord I am actually exuding so much time in this survivor good thing it is summer geez

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Ginger spoiled 2 survivor seasons in the same message I am crying :(

So i finally got to talk to everyone on the tribe. Tyler seems rlly friendly and talkative which kinda draws me towards him. Stephen is more analytical and observant... Dean is just the passive, looks on and watches kinda guy. Both Stephen and Dean want to be or are writers so. One thing great about working with Stephen would be someone people target as a strategic threat instead of me - but I don't know if I'll be able to work well with him atm...

Okay I was gonna wait until after the immunity challenge to do my first confessional but I am DYING. So Veni is making our flag (which honestly I'm not too sure about but I'm awful at art so I can't really say anything) and he asks for pictures to use in it. So I send him a picture of me sitting on a throne, which I took at a bar near me. and this bitch..... Goes "It's like ghetto Game of Thrones, I love it!" BITCH!? Ghetto? Honestly this guy needs to take it down a notch because he's trying way too hard to take control of the reward challenge and is being super bossy and I think people aren't gonna take that for much longer.

As for the first day of this season I’m loving it so far. Loving the activity and positivity in our tribe and people here are very friendly. Already have started conversation with Clash, Vilma and Ginger. Trying to develop early relationships that will be necessary for the rest of the game. Just need to show activity in tribe chat so my tribe mates not see me as an inactive player because inactive players are usually the first one out.

So we won the reward challenge and we get a firemaking kit, and inside there's an immunity idol clue. Jacob and Stephen both get it, and Jacob told me it was hidden at the beach. I have no clue if he is lying or not, but if he isn't it means God was right to tell me yesterday that it is at the beach. Now i just need to be the first one to search the next time around.

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So talking with Stephen, he seems to say the word "snazzy" a lot, so I've nocknemaed

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Oops i didn't finish...I nicknamed him "snazzy Stephen". What's Snazzy Stephen gonna call snazzy today!?

So we won the reward challenge! Great. The morale seems fairly high amongst our tribe. I've had conversations with pretty much everyone in some way. No talk of strategy or alliances have begun, from what I'm aware. I hope we win this challenge, because I feel good about this tribe.

I mean, can I not flop this first challenge ? I feel like this tribe is a very good mix of people, chemistry is there so now we just need not to be total failures ! hehe

After all the bonding I love this tribe, Dean is a lot more reserved than the rest of the tribe and hasn't approached me yet, but everyone else has talked. I've got a nice alliance with Michael and Sluggy, as well as some trust with Tyler and Stephen. After Michael won us the firemaking challenge I found the idol clue. Once everyone has used their firemaking advantage, I'll decide who I share the clue with. So far I have told Sluggy and then Stephen got the clue. All Giraffes Deserve Kisses.

Usually I wouldn’t mind going to the first tribal, but with 6 people all it takes is one misstep to be the target, and I don’t want to risk that. That being said if it does come down to that i think Jacob, Tyler and I will stick together, all we need is one more than that.

looking over the whole cast, I realised I know Dani & Sluggy from other survivors that's cool

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I got 30 point something seconds like 3 times I hate fairdyne

So basically I've talking quite a bit with Emily and Randy, they're great people. Overall people are super nice, it's awesome! The Ala Mai flag winning is bullshit though what kind of judges were those? I'd have been fine with Faatasi winning, that's a nice flag, but Ala Mai's was ugly af sorry bros

So, Emily and I are working together to try to find the idol! Which is exciting, hopefully one of us will find it. If I do I’m pretty sure I’ll tell her because it will show that I trust her?!! I talk to her and Randy the most on our tribe and I really don’t know where I stand with everyone else

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i got a big fat 0 for the team but I’m glad our tribe won! Everyone else did great. Hopefully no one points out how weak I was in the challenge. I’m going to savannah for the night tomorrow so I’m glad not to worry about tribal council while I’m out of town! Yay for not being the first boot!

ok see I am here to win but I got ginger on my tribe!! we love us a good ol rival so yeah even though he's acting fake and said he wants work with me I can't trust him with that I have built a good connection with Veni and Vilma and hope they will stay loyal as well. I am worried about the tribal as my score was bad but lets hope for the best

Right. So we’ve just won the immunity challenge but all the rats on my team did well so it doesn’t give us an easy target for any upcoming tribals. I got some T from Michael letting me know that both Jacob and Dean found the clue to the hidden immunity idol and they told him but not me. First off rude considering I told Jacob I’d tell him if I found it. I’m in an uncomfortable situation already on this tribe, I feel like i don’t have as strong of connections as everyone else and it’s scaring me. All I need is two friends to guarantee my safety and it’s looking like those friends will be Michael and The kid from Singapore (don’t remember his name oops). This season feels different, I usually feel powerful but Rn I feel like I’m having to push to navigate my way into relationships with people. Also some of these guys on my drive give off the arrogant and cocky vibe and I hate it.

Only one in my tribe to win a challenge, got the r/ultrahardcore alliance, everyone knows the idol clue because Michael got looser lips than Mia Khalifa.

I *think* we're voting Emils? I mean he's been the least active and from I've been told he has not talked to people much (including me) so. I hope it goes well. Usually I am pretty calm in the survivors I play but goddamn I am paranoid. Maybe since I am enjoying myself so much so I don't want to go yet?

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Logically I won't be voted out here, right? I've talked to basically everyone a fair bit, I did the whole flag and I got 2/2 possible points. I'm safe.. right?

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Here is veni's power rankings of the people in my tribe: 1. Oulu 2. Tel Aviv 3. Richmond 4. Allan 5. Emils

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So I re-read my Fairy Survivor S2 stuff I wrote pre-game and goddamn if I am not a broken record. I am basically doing the same thing this time I love it lol. I do hope the experience I got in the year and a half between those has taught me valuable lessons.

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Tel Aviv has really high gamesense and sense of strategy. We both discussed how important it is to have that one loyal person to win. I hope he implies I am his. For me it's Oulu I think

Okay so the first round is almost over. Thankfully my tribe was able to win immunity because I am not ready for tribal that's for sure! These small tribes freak me out. But...if we do end up going to tribal I am ready because I FOUND AN IDOL! I'm a little skeptical because it was way too easy and so I'm scared everyone has an idol but we shall see. I'm really terrible at games in the beginning because I hate awkward small talk so I was definitely scared of tribal. I'm not in any alliances yet but hopefully that is because it is still early. I'm trying to prove myself an asset and I was glad I did great at that shark game. It was very challenging to play because I had my baby smashing my keyboard or mouse and closing out of the game in the middle of playing, ahhaha.

Day 2: Won Reward challenge!! WOOT!! All that effort wasn't for naught. The /r/ultrahardcore alliance was made between Sluggy, Jacob and myself... Im not sure how I feel about this. Immunity challenge announced, Flash games while I'm at work. FUCK FLAPPY BIRD I can do this Hextris and Shark game... I will submit one of these. Fire lighting challenge, I fail at striking a light. Sluggy and Jacob tell me that Jacob has an Idol Clue, it is apparently on the beach. Continue my chats with everyone. Dean also tells me about the Idol clue, either its on the beach and people trust me or there is an alliance that is fabricating stories. Work out everyone but Tyler knows about the clue so I tell him Gained Tyler's trust End day 2 Day 3: We win Immunity, YES!!! I spent the day continuing to build relationships. Mention to Jacob the Tyler doesnt think he likes him and to win Tyler's trust Jacob told Tyler about the clue, but it seems to only further distrust as he waited so long to tell him about it. This could have made Tyler distrust me more as well... Working with Jacob could be dangerous down the line. /r/UHC needs a 4th... Dean and Tyler's names are suggested. Trash talk hosts in tribe chat all day. Im worried my chattiness may put a target on my back, will need to be careful. End Day 3

I’m loving my tribe and our female avatar presence. Whoever is rob Mariano I kind of want to vote out though. I’m super glad we won immunity and I don’t have to try super hard to be chatty. Loving the format so far

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HI I'M VILMA AND I'M VERY EXCITED TO PLAY I also suck at making confessionals because they take a lot of effort for my Finnish speaking ass so I like to just copy bits from my host chat, be prepared Right off the bat I was confused because I didn't get cast with anyone I would've played with before. I recognized a few familiar faces but most people I have no frame of reference for. This meant I couldn't rely on riding with any pre game relationships and I had to actually socialize with people. Thank god we didn't have a one world phase this time around so I only had to keep up with five other people! Clash playing hard right off the bat I specced his season so I know he was a big moves type of guy haha I wanna make sure I'm on his good side My tribe is very active But I'm Very Scared Of The Zwooper People They tend to be crazy And I'm not about that crazy life at all I CAN'T EVEN WITH VENI WHERE DOES HE GET ALL HIS JOKES FROM I LOVE HIM Alright I think Veni and I are the only ones left awake And He is my favorite I've talked to everyone except the Latvian guy or was he Lithuanian THE BALTIC GUY Ginger and Clash both seem like people I need to be wary of Power players for sure, and good socially And according to Clash they have bad blood from previous games So I can see them targetting each other if we go to tribal And Clash already made a three way alliance between myself him and Veni Which I'm okay with, as of now Veni I definitely want to work with And I prefer staying on good terms with Clash Allan I have neutral feelings towards, only talked to him a bit so far But I stan the Europe tribe I just can't keep up with multiple convos at once so it's been super confusing Already shared my idol guesses with Veni and Clash I think I'm the only girl on my tribe Not a big fan of that fact Really wanted to play with Emily I hope we both make it to a swap so I could meet her Chatting with these people I've started to realize how much I abuse caps lock and exclamation points It's a really bad habit Should probably tone it down, everyone must be thinking I'm screaming at them constantly I'm playing so different compared to how I usually play I usually never initiate convos And try to step up as little as possible While still being friendly with everyone But now I've been very social It's weird Feels like I'm harassing everyone ... Unfortunately, we lost the first immunity challenge ... YIKES I'M GOING TO BE THE FIRST BOOT CALLING IT NOW HOW TF DID THEY GET 6 MILLION I think Emils might be the target Which I'm okay with since he seems to only be online a bit in the evenings Everyone knows I hate losing challenges so I want active people He seems really nice though, but seems like everyone has talked to him the least Clash told me that him and Ginger have decided to leave their past behind so I guess they're not going to target each other just yet I'm glad he's telling me this though it makes me trust him a bit more But I'll still keep my eye on both of them _ Ok hi I'm checking in about an hour before tribal and as far as I know Emils should be going home tonight. It's been super quiet around camp though and it makes me feel paranoid, but I hope it'll be an easy first vote. Veni wants me to make a chat with him and Ginger so we could solidify we make it through next round if we end up having to go to tribal again. My issue is I think Clash and Ginger are closer than they seem and I'm scared if we made a chat without Clash and he found out about it he could become angry. That's why i'd rather it to be a four-way chat between me, Veni, Clash and Ginger but we shall see what happens in the next few hours I guess.

Okay that went perfectly. Ngl when Ginger was like "someone doesn't know it's them tonight" I FREAKED. Then my name gets written down at tribal and I was like ????. I mean luckily it wasn't me but god that was scary. I really hope we win this next immunity I can't deal with that stress rn lmao. I also have no clue who I'd vote out. Also in other news, Chase is cute af! I'm gonna be so embarrassed when he leaves and is able to read this but it's true. I definitely wanna keep him around for a bit lmao.

jesus christ ginger you are an evil psychopath.. but I kinda dig it

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also I am mostly done with location based names.. for now

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survivormarmoreal · 5 years

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Episode #1: “"So it's time for me to channel my inner-straight guy!" - Brian

is it time to die already? a fake tribe was taunted, the tribe is split half US half europe so that is going to be a pain, its 1:40am as i write this and in all honestly i just want to sleep and coast till merge. bet that won't be happening tho RIP me and dig me in a grave huh. Oh and I thought I knew the keaton but I didn't lol. I am MESS

It’s really good to be playing a game again. My goal for now is to try and bond with my tribe and hopefully make alliances to keep me in the game. Right now talking to Dennis. He seems really cool, wouldnt mind working with him.

So just from the start i can already tell these players I'm with are easy going for the most part... I over all really like the tribe and can see a very solid chance that I can work with a lot of them if not all! But for the sake of this confessional having value... I'd also like to add that I'm worried that due to the laid back tribe (atm) that I might have a hard time building the connections to get in an alliance without making it due to the fact making an alliance is a very bad idea early on!

Okay so let's just get some thoughts out of the way My tribe is...interesting. I LOVE BRIAN. Well actually I love his boyfriend but still a great foundation from my side to work with him because I know he is a super sweet guy. Dennis is weird. I want to work with Nicole just because I like to work with womana because it brings me closer to God. Everyone else is irrelevant. Absolem is okay. Nathan is hilarious. He better not flop because I want to be best friends. Annabelle is the love of my life. But we did just play an ORG together that got a little messy...so idk how willing to work with me she is. Jayden said things about sports so there is no chance of us being friends. And...everyone else is irrelevant. Madigan: I stan Matt. He had the best intro out of all of us. He's a nut and I love that. I thought I knew who he was...but it turns out he's a different Keaton...and now I'm confused by the popularity of that name...Anyways, BC be still my fucking heart in an ANGEL and I want to be friends. Marie is a star in my ORG community and I always stan her. So I lowkey love this tribe and I wish i was on it. Overall...I'm ready to get this game going.

Okay so i'm normally super good at Selfie Scavenger Hunts...but this one is tough. There are a lot of hard items on here. And because it's Day 1 I don't know if I can rely on anybody on my tribe to pull their weight...guess we'll find out.

Okay I jumped the gun on Dennis. He's not weird. And he seems like he'll be a good tribe member. Not too interested in working with him, but hopefully we win a bunch and that won't matter.

so the cast is cool so far from what i saw a mix of a few faces i recognize and a few i don't which is cool because i play best when i don't know anyone i think so we'll see how this goes hopefully we win immunity and there's nothing to worry about!!

Okay so I really might have judged my tribe too soon. Charlie is a drunken riot. And Maynor seems really chill too. We have a good group. Now let's just hope we're good in challenges.

First impressions: jayden: bad music taste but likes tea kind of hard to talk to but i will get the best of him annabelle: league player?? we stan!! nathan: played once before him dont remember if we were allied but um likes drag race wooh ignored me to go watch it https://66.media.tumblr.com/0640fc1858852ee803cc45252f782259/tumblr_pk6xsgLbtq1szcwcho1_1280.png cole: said "omg ur the cole from skype love ur lipsyncs" they said yes. turns out thats not them. why lie??? nick: seems fun idk

I think my tribe is very cute ! I can already see that a couple of them are big suck ups but I hope I can use that to my advantage. I low key want to go to tribal council but I think the safest thing to do is try our best as a tribe for this first challenge and not seem weak! So I will try my best

So yay Selfie Scavenger Hunt. My favorite... I should be fine if I play a solid social game and dont score too low (right?) Also me and Nick same tribe we runnin this shit.

I like my tribe so far it's the most active tribe I have had by far. The challenge is pretty good though and I hope we can win it and be safe.

So day 1. This is... ahh... I'm so nervous for this game! I have been looking so forward to playing this, but I just feel like it's going to be a rocky upward battle to make it deep... I'm trying to relate and talk to these people, and I feel like I can maybe do it with some of them... but I also know I'm like "WIGGG" and "TEAAA" and "SHJDGJHDGJ" all the time, and I just don't know if this is the tribe to act like that around... I also don't really have anyone to fully confide and trust in. I do have people like Marie on the other tribe, but I just... ahh....

Ladies and gents, I want you to know that I refuse to go home pre-merge, and I will fight tooth and nail to make it to merge and then day 39... even if it requires me to grow up and act like a real human... I will do my best... I don't wanna let y'all down, but I also don't wanna let myself down.

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So like after my antics last night, I feel like I am in a good shape. My intro amused many on my tribe which is good, and they all like me, which is EXTRA good! I feel like im on the cusp of something atm, but i am still wary of course. BC and James are my faves atm, with Marie and keaton also. But Marie, Keaton and john aren't really giving me anything but i am still gonna try. Im here to F****** win (or at least make jury but we shall see about that LOL)

this tribe in a nutshell me: "alright guys! super excited to play some Survivor with you all!! woohoooooo lets do this yeah!!!!!!" BC: "yeah!! I also like to do the surviving!!!" matt: "yeah LMAO" keaton: "..." marie: "..." john: "...okay but have you considered: Skyrim"

idk what's up with this tribe. am I setting my expectations too high? did I do something to piss everyone off?? I just want to play survivor but no one seems to want to engage with me.

BC's the only reason I'm sane atm. he's a sweetheart, we've had a few fun chats already and he seems like good company. we've gotten on the same page and realized that we're probably the two chattiest players on the tribe and should stick together. Matt isn't awful. he's funny, and I can just meme at him most of the time and he seems fine with that. wish I could get a little more out of him though. I'll give Marie a pass because she's been legit busy and hasn't had much of a chance to respond to stuff. from what little I've heard from her she seems nice. apparently she's new to discord survivor just like me, so I might be a little biased in wanting her around. I wanted Keaton to be great - he's a Kirby, I'm a Kirby, so we already had something working for us. but he's not giving me anything to work with. I'll bring something up to talk about and he'll shut it down almost immediately, in a way that makes me worried I'm getting on his nerves or something. idk, maybe our personalities just clash? but atm with Keaton my mood is zzzzzz and then there's John. I get the impression that John just doesn't give a shit. he spent all of the first night playing skyrim and ignoring me, and he hasn't said much of anything to me today. his intro and his rant show that he knows how survivor works, so why isn't he putting any effort into talking? idgi. :/

soooooo yeah that's this tribe. BC and I have teamed up, we've talked about roping in Matt as a third sometime soon. I wanna give Marie a chance as well, even talking to her tonight she's not that bad. but I'd probably be fine with voting out Keaton whenever, and I want John to go asap.

I was called Keaton from Facebook and mistaken for Maria on my tribe. This game is going great for me so far.

So far making bonds with Brian, Charlie, Dennis, and Sharky (Matt). I genuinely like them. No game talk just yet. But i wouldnt mind alligning with them. Havent talk to Nicole yet. So i need to start. Hopefully we are good and win this first immunity.

Okay top of Day 2. We're plunking away at this challenge. It's weird because since we all have our own lists we aren't talking very much... Charlie, Nicole, and Maynor are still yet to upload anything so I hope they get it together soon.

I feel like my tribe is being lazy rn like I did three tasks and I gave up because i only saw one other person doing shit! and they can GOOO if they are going to be like that! OVER IT

no one pm's me first and when i pm them i have to keep the conversation going and it stops after like 5/10 minutes so um thats fun. really hoping we win immunities until a swap or sth. or maybe we intentionally matsing and then i just get rid of all the ppl who GHOST me. the only person who had a real conversation with me today was jayden and even that was super short and ended with him leaving me on read so um.. i guess im just super popular obviously. reading this back its gonna look so cringe NNN but this is how i FEEL

Ok so another update! So today I approached Bryce who seems like a amazing guy and I asked if we could work together and he said yes! So I hope this is a relationship that can last

I still feel kinda... like an outsider looking in. It's only day 2, but I just feel like I have so much I need to change about my social game already. I'm normally a crackhead when talking to people and can find those one or two people to be crackheads with, but I think I literally have to go through a complete change in order to succeed. I need to be more ... adult? If that makes sense...

So it's time for me to channel my inner-straight guy! I need to just be cool and casual and normal and not be the uber obsessive Ariana stan I normally am or... "wig" this... I know I touched on this in my first confessional, but it's even more true now... I'm finding talking to some of these people a lot more challenging because I have to kinda flick on the normie switch.

Ahhh... this is going to be one hell of a ride…

Honestly I am REALLY happy where i sit in this game. I have a solid alliance of 3 with BC and James which is already good. I have a feeling we will end up at tribal, however I am not too worried because i feel like there will be some clear targets like Keaton or John. Marie is kind of laying in the middle but I know what a good player she can be so im keeping my eye on her.

Ooo girl. Do I have tea for you? LMFAO. I would make a video, but I have a lot to talk about, so you'll have to read for now.

where to even start? like LOL I guess I'll start with... this tribe fucking sucks. Literally can't stand it. And b4 someone says... "ew bboy it's b/c you don't have anybody you know huh??? you relying on meta!!!" no it's not because of that. well, sort of...

i play these games to meet new people so being on a tribe of new people doesn't phase me too much. it's that i don't like it when the tribe is inactive. like half of the people don't talk to me so it's kinda hard to do a cast analysis but I'll do one then get to the tea.

keaton: nothing really to say about him cuz I don't know him. I literally messaged him and it was SOOOOO hard to hold a conversation with him. then, I confused him with marie cuz he was kinda forgettable. thank you, next john: girl bye. idk if there's something wrong, but like john literally does not message me. and like i'm fine it's ok whatever, like i'm fine i'm fine I'll be fine, but still girl... seriously??? I would say "hey john! how are you doing?" and he'd be like "good." HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH THAT? LAGHALHG marie: I actually like her a lot. we get along prob cuz we're both similar - she's quirky, I'm quirky. quite the combo. we don't have any set alliance or anything, but I definitely don't want her to leave before dem inactives -.- matt: I like him... enough. he's cool and we chatted for a bit yesterday and the first day. there really isn't anything else to say but he's kinda fun??? i guess idk laghlahg but yeah there's that james: i'm prob the closest to him on the tribe. we just vibe so well together and I really do like him a lot. he's funny and chill and he was the one who initiated the alliance, to which I was like "yess girl add me in!!!" idk what else to say, because although matt/james have been more active, I jjust haven't had many convos with them individually yknow

but the little alliance we have going on is cute. <3 the name = Transcontinental Trio. It prob won't last (just being honest) but if it can get me past these few couple of rounds before the swap, I'll take it. my goal right now is to win these next few challenges and hope we don't have to go to tribal before the swap. if we do, I'd rather see john leave before keaton, because I think there's a relationship to work with keaton whereas I don't see one with john unfortunately

the tea that I have to spill is really just bitching about my tribemates I mean come the FUCK on y'all!!! wtf is the point of joining an ORG and then not talking to anybody. like does that make any fucking sense??? literally like... nnnn what is the matter with you? John infuriates me b/c like bitch if you don't have time sweetie, stick to playing Skyrim or w/e the fuck you play. my mood was when he sent us a pic of something happening in the game (idk what it was it looked dumb af) and literally NO ONE replying. like yes stick to his boring ASS!!

on top of all of that, no one (excluding my alliance) talks about anything of substance. like sure it's only been 3 days but y'all can at least find SOMETHING to talk about. i'm just so goddamn frustrated

that's it. I'm tired of bitching. i'll confessional again after results. hopefully we win or imma have to pop a bitch.

Okay we're closing in on the challenge deadline! I've gotten a ton of points. Dennis/Brian/Maynor all also posted a bunch so I'm hoping this is enough to keep us safe. Idk what Nicole is doing? But she better post something. ANYTHING really.

Where is Nicole? Like...girl, are you good? Wtf

omg so. based on nathans and nick's talking in the tribe chat they seem to know each other/mutual ppl. i will break their bond and make sure they want to work with me instead of each other. even if nathan hates pm'ing me and nick was fine to talk for a bit yesterday but today seems to hate me!

The scores are locked in. Hopefully we had enough points to keep us safe but Nicole didnt turn anything in. Hopefully nothing too bad happened. But i think if we do lose, maybe Nicole being first boot isnt too bad. Hopefully everyone thinks the same.

Okay so we demolished. Lucky for Nicole because she didn't contribute at all. And she didn't tell us she was abstaining. I'm sorry...you didn't have time to take a selfie with your cat? Bye.

MY MIND IS SO BIG AT 1:20AM. Right ok so to catch the confs up, James BC and myself have made an alliance called the transcontinental trio (An iconic name ik) so like im really happy that exists. THEN we somehow win immunity, even though Marie and John both had single digit scores LOL. like wow didn't know we could do that. then anna announces the idol system, and i fully expect too like not get far so i do it anyway. 4 mins later and i HAVE A FUCKING IMMUNITY IDOL???? LIKE BITCH WTF. I AM SO FUCKING SHOOK ITS UNREAL. I have been playing orgs for 1 1/2 years now and like I have never been able to find one! and now i do???? Jesus Christ maybe this IS my Game!

not to overreact but i want my entire tribe to go home. i had to PLUCK egg shells out of my VERY CURLY hair like i was some monkey picking ticks. i took an egg, a poor chicken would be, and used it not for nutrition. but for "fun". and its all for NOTHING. but thats ok. everyone keeps saying bc i carried i should be safe and like yes. but the REAL reason i should be safe is that its like im the only person on this tribe who wants to socialize at all!! also this idol system is so fun love choose ur own adventure type stuff. sad how i flopped first try tho.. but in 24 hours catch me with the idol! or catch me as first boot. someone just catch me im falling FAST.

This immunity is great because it gives me time to build better friendships without pressure of a vote. Charlie seems to like me, he wants to share idol guesses which is cool with me. That probably also means he'll tell me if he gets an idol which is powerful info to know. Also I won some cookies on my search. I hope they're oreos. But I'm curious as to what they'll be good for.

So....Charlie found the idol...and he told me. So guess I'm working with Charlie now. Because I want to keep tabs on this idol.

https://imgur.com/ZrG7wNV clearly doesnt realize ive never met a girl i didnt want to ally.

So we lost the challenge! Are we surprised? NOOOO AHHAHA! *sighs* anyways I think i have the numbers to get anabelle out, sorry not sorry

First tribal then Walrus is a bitch. I hate this game

i want to vote jayden out but annabelle and cole did worse in the comp so it might be hard so awk.. like nick wants annabelle out and he told cole that so its kind of over for her huh this is so sad i refuse to be on a tribe full of MEN

So far so good I really hope we can continue this momentum and I hope I can last 6 more days until the 20th of January and then I get to be two ages in one org which I have never done yet.

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BC has brought me and Matt into an alliance (Transcontinental Trio!). BC is like the obvious alpha on the tribe and I’m kinda fine with that? At least I hope BC looks like a bigger threat than me, I don’t want that label lol. Matt is super charismatic, we’re finally talking regularly/about the game. He’s probably the scariest person on the tribe just because he’s so damn likable.

Keaton’s opened up a little. We bonded over thinking that we were the only ones hearing nothing from John lmao. Our first vote will probably wind up being Marie or John. I don’t want to push buttons too early, but if I get a chance at a clean shot at John I’m taking it.

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So we lost the challenge which is terrible but I got the legacy advantage which is great! I’m worried ppl r voting me but that’s could be just my paranoia so ima stick to my plan of waiting for a name to be said

We won immunity and it feels great. Hopefully we could just go on an immunity run and stay safe till swap happens. I need to start making my talks with people go to game talk but maybe not as fast skmce we are safe.

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edit: I really need to start watching the movies. Choose your own adventure like Idol systems always require background knowledge.

We won the first challenge and I'm so happy because I could've been voted out if we lost! This is my first Tumblr org so I'm completely lost and I accidentally told Matt that I knew Bryce from the other tribe so yay... that put a target on my back I think so hopefully we just keep on winning!

I don't have too much to update on, but I'm so glad that we aren't going to tribal because highkey I'd be in so much trouble... I've been in an emotional rut so the communication has been rough.. but we won so I have time to enjoy my tribemates in some conversations and make them love me…

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Cole like what are you doing bro. Also I assume Keaton and Dennis are running shit on the other tribes.

Wow so I gotta say I am seriously impressed by this cast. I don't really know anyone and there are only 2 other people from EM... is this for real lol?? Seriously though I'm so happy to finally be playing an org with so many new people!!

Ok so first impressions of my tribe. I've already embarrassed myself by sending drunk videos to every single member of my tribe bar Nicole who wasn't online at the time.

Dennis- Easily my fav so far. I feel like we click so well and I've already talked to him way more than anyone else. Really hope I can go far with him.

Brian- Ok so I've seen this guy around on facebook and he seems funny and really nice! Our convos have been fun so hopefully we can develop a good relationship from here!

Maynor- He likes Charlie the unicorn. Therefore I like him.

Sharky- Haven't talked to him so much yet, but he seems cool and I know he was an early boot in KC.

Nicole- Haven't talked to her yet at all.

Ok so my tribe mates are KILLING this challenge! It's been difficult for me to take part cos of being up in London, but I need to add more stuff to the list lol. Otherwise we could lose, and I'll probably get blamed... eeeek.

WE WON!!! I can't believe it!! I'm so FUCKING HAPPY right now. One of our tribe mates abstained and we still won by over 200 points.. crazy shit

https://youtu.be/_LqWkiWMQw8

so we are about to go to tribal in about an hour and I think we have a plan sorted, I know nathan is saying my name and I will get votes BUT what the plan is that myself,bryce and annabelle vote jayden, jayden votes nathan and the other two will prob vote myself so we will get a 3-2-1 and jayden will go! lets hope

ok so i was out all day. and barely on. but i tried forcing jayden out bc he ignores me and i hate him. but NO. cole is cracked and when itell him to talk to nathan to secure his vote. he instead wants to vote him, then leads to jayden telling nathan that cole wants him out. so now he has no shot. bye bye cole this is sad but u so overplayed NNN glad queen annabelle is safe tho!

Cole is voted out 5-1.

#episode #allmadhere

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